ASEXUALITY 101: How do I come out as asexual?

[@I_am_Lauren]

I started wearing an ace ring, so if anyone asks why I'm wearing it I can start the conversation from there. I don't wear any other jewelry, not even my ears are pierced, so the black ring stands out to those who know me for sure.

[@AceDadAdvice]

That’s awesome. I started wearing an ace ring recently, too. No one has asked about it yet but it’s a nice reminder for me to be thinking about my people.

[@adirayashar3022]

I do the same thing (only I do have ear piercings but I don't wear jewelry cuz it's uncomfortable)

[@devilamaycare8294]

Me too! Only one fellow Ace noticed but that's ok. Still not out to family yet.

[@EmmaJohnsonShenanigans]

what’s an ace ring?

[@somethingunusual8456]

I wear one since 2020 but no one has noticed it's meaning yet lol Recently a coworker has come out to me and I had to explain I was " ace all along, see my ring" Just to be met with a confused face hahahah although he's older than me in a way he's kind of the baby ace

[@krose2880]

For me the whole asexuality is a little different. So I'm Christian and for the longest time I thought that sex did not appeal me because of the way church views sex. I thought that maybe after some time most probably after marriage sex would appeal me. I even thought that everyone in church felt that way. The thing is that a couple friends of mine who are Christians are talking about how they can't wait to have sex and stuff. That's when it hit me that I might actually be ace. For months I was wondering whether I'm ace or not untill I took a sexual orientation and it said I was asexual. I looked into the ace community even more and I found myself relating to it more that I thought I would. Even though I'm still a teenager and I'm not sure what type of ace I am, I'm 100% sure I belong in the ace community. Also thank you so much for all of your videos they've really helped me understand more about the ace community!

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m glad you’re here with us!

[@Diane_666]

I have the same story about my family being religious and me thinking that I just perceive sex in a religious way and that's why I'm not attracted to it, but after I became agnostic nothing changed and that's when I realized that there might be something else going on 😂

[@krose2880]

@@Diane_666 exactly!! I just thought that I perceive sex in a religious way too!

[@adirayashar3022]

Holy crap this is exactly what happened to me! I found out when I was talking with my friend and she was mentioning how she has a boyfriend and it's so hard for her not to touch him and stuff, so I asked her "if it's so hard for you why have a boyfriend at all it's not like you want to marry this guy" and she said "of course I don't want to marry him but he's cute and I like him"(these weren't her exact words this happened about a year ago so I don't remember) but it was the craziest thing ever and I just didn't get it and that is probably how I started to realize it wasn't because I'm religious that I don't want to have relations with people.

[@emilyself7459]

This is almost exactly my story. I have two friends that are mostly supportive and watched the video to figure out how to tell other people. I currently identify as Gray-Asexual but I am still working within myself. I have always felt different from others but I figured that it was because I was the most religious of my friends. Thank you guys for helping me word this and it’s nice to find out that there is a community of people that are similar to me. I’m glad to know that I’m no longer alone.

[@evelyncatlett3080]

Thank you for explaining asexuality. I am 50, and felt uncomfortable for so long. Struggled with this for the last 25 years. So much makes more sense to me.

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m so glad it was helpful. And welcome to the community! Glad to share it with you

[@ravenpascua2481]

Thank you for the comment, it made me feel better. I'm 18 and just got comfortable with acearo literally this weekend after sitting on it for 7 years. Thinking about coming out to my parents this weekend, so this video was really helpful!

[@heldnotable7130]

Fun part of the story of how I ended up starting looking into aesexuality. I was talking with a friend, and the topic of kinks came up, they were like, "so what are your kinks? what gets ya goin?" and I just couldn't think of anything even as we kept talking. They said, "oh well maybe you're ace then" and I looked into it more (including this channel and your twitter

[@AceDadAdvice]

It’s so funny how we all sort of stumble on this stuff lol

[@Diane_666]

Lol I remember when my friend of the time started aggressively asking me about my fetishes and when I honestly told him I don't have any he said that it's impossible, everyone has them and I just must think about it really hard untill I figure it out. I felt weird, so I made up something stupid just so he'd back off. But after some time I came out to him as ace and he slowly became more and more understanding of it thanks to me. I made an ally out of an aphobe and I'm gonna be proud of it forever even though I don't talk with that person anymore😂 P.S. and also I agree that one of the best things about having come out is that you can now make jokes about it😂

[@DaniS398]

As a parent, I try not to envision my kids in the future. I try to remain in the moment with them and enjoy who they are now and not have any expectations of who they will be in the future, outside of them being good.

[@Dorcy16craft]

You actually made me cry a little - I still have a long way to go with coming out and this video was so so reassuring! It feels so amazing to hear and watch a real person talk about being ace - like my main source of ace content is written social media, and sometimes it feels kind of "unreal" and lonely. Thank you so much!

[@AceDadAdvice]

This is so kind. And it’s my pleasure! I’m glad you’re here

[@Diane_666]

I was crying as well, thought it's just because I'm on my period and my emotions are all over the place, but turns out I'm not the only one 😅

[@I_am_Lauren]

I like the placement of your "Best Dad Ever" mug.

[@AceDadAdvice]

Gotta keep up the brand lol

[@Vemedu142]

Coming out to my mother sort of ruined our relationship cos she insisted that "you just haven't found the right one" which is a complete denial of someones feelings. I have never had sexual feelings/attraction towards anthing or anyone for my whole life. I know what I feel and I know what I am. I have still yet to come out to my father, but now I am afraid to do that... Thank you for your amazing videos :) It's great knowing I am not the only one in this world

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m sorry you had a not great experience with coming out to your folks. The community is out here supporting you though!

[@I_am_Lauren]

Dang ace dad. You are hitting me with SO many truth bombs today! Your videos really get me thinking and being introspective.

[@AceDadAdvice]

That’s my whole vibe lol and thank you!

[@monfetus3390]

i found it. there it is; my safe space. thank you so much.

[@AceDadAdvice]

My pleasure. I’m glad you’re here. :)

[@AceOSpaceWithMace]

for me realizing i was ace was me just look back, realized i had found no one hot, and accepting myself. And after this point, i was not actually in the closet, i was not trying to hide it, with some people thinking I was acting like an ace person. people naturally figured out i was ace and i just kept saying it as a back handed comment

[@rockinstrawberries]

Ace dad!!! Aww I love the older ace generation Maybe one day.. ill do it in real life.

[@AceDadAdvice]

In your own time!

[@modernwitch2849]

I just recently came out to my girlfriend. As demisexual, apart of the ace spectrum. She was so understanding and caring. I only wish this for my fellow aces. She’s the only one I’m out to, and I’m really proud and happy. I identify as Demi-biromantic, and now I’m out to anyone here reading this comment. You got this! You’re loved and be safe always. 🖤🏳️‍🌈

[@sylphsmovingstories3986]

Sometime in November two years ago, I learned that I was asexual because of a simple video by psych2go about asexuality- I told my mom, and she didn't seem to get it, so I just explained it, and then she told my dad- I love my parents and they love and care for me too, but I didn't want to let my dad know just then And when he came to me about it, his response was just as I had expected. "You aren't asexual." I had a smile forcefully plastered on my face, keeping the tears in, because I didn't want to be any more vulnerable than in that moment. It hurt a lot, and we still argue about it, though rarely. I know who I am, and he disregarded that. I also learned recently that I do rarely feel sexual attraction, though only towards girls (about my age of course) and all the crushes that I thought I had just weren't crushes, and I'd only had one on my best friend some time ago(which was terrifying) Due to my mom breaking my trust of keeping my secret and my dad just making me feel awful whenever either of us bring it up, I've decided they don't deserve me telling them that I am grey asexual or demi romantic and in a weird way, bi. I wanted to share this part of myself, because it felt so good to learn it, and I wanted to spread the joy I got from learning this about myself I wasn't attacked, and I wasn't kicked out, but I wasn't accepted, and that made me question what I knew to be true Me and my family are religious, and while I know that has a bit to do with my parents' reactions, I still feel strongly attached to my faith Even with very recently figuring out I'm genderfluid as well, I still am not deterred I'm still happy with figuring out who I am, though I only learned about asexuality and aromanticism around the ages of 16 and 17, and my parents still don't believe me- But I did what can be really hard for a lot of people, and for that, I am proud of myself Even with all the negativity, I came out as asexual, and I'm glad for that (if I didn't, I might have done the dumbest move possible and try coming out as genderfluid)

[@supersecret4390]

I've known I'm acespec for 3 years now and I'd kind of accepted that I didn't want to come out to my family besides Mum but tonight I realised, I don't think that's true. I think I need to tell them in order to really grow in the next chapter of my life. Watching this made me really emotional and aware of the weight I've been carrying

[@AceDadAdvice]

I believe in you. If you need that to fully be yourself - Then I’m sending you all the powerful good vibes for courage and strength !

[@supersecret4390]

@@AceDadAdvice Thank you so much 💖

[@CaptEef]

In addition to being Biro-Ace I’m also Transmasc genderfluid & while I’m out to my parents about the first half of my identity I’m not out concerning gender. And honestly...? I needed to hear this. I’ve been going thro a lot of doubt and dysphoria and fear lately but part of me just wants to stop hiding. Part of me just wants to be honest with them and get that much closer to fixing things cause trust me as hard as early adulthood is to navigate, tacking on all the gender related things makes it even more complicated. And maybe I’m not quite in the right place to say anything yet, but I feel close and being reminded of the true joy behind coming out means a lot.

[@AceDadAdvice]

You will get to the right place and time. For YOU. And for what it’s worth, just knowing yourself is a huge achievement. A lot of people never get that far. You’re awesome and at the right time, they’ll know it too. 💜💜💜

[@dd317676]

wacthing this wrapped in my ace flag and let me tell you it hits different 💜🤍🖤

[@Catloaf189]

I already came out but i'm still watching this because i love your advice and videos so much! To all the aces who haven't come out, stay strong

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you for the support! And yes -- us being visible and showing our solidarity keeps the strong, too!

[@sorol79]

Thank you for validating me. 🥰. Just coming out little by little, mostly to myself.

[@softfirecrow]

Thank you so much for being a real dad to me in this subject! It feels so good to be acknowledged in such a kind way.

[@xzonia1]

I find myself coming out to my doctors all the time because they ask sooo many sex questions. I just stop them and go 'look, I'm asexual, I've never swapped bodily fluids with anyone, and I have no plans on it.' I did blood donations a lot when I was younger, and when I told her I was still a virgin back in my 30's, a lady once said "well then, we can skip all these questions!" and flipped the page. 🤣 I wondered a ton if asexuality was even a thing growing up and only found out about it online maybe 9 years ago on the Aven website (thanks to them!) and realized I am grey asexual. I experience a desire for sex sometimes, but never feel attracted to anyone so haven't really acted on it. Tried dating and meetups and stuff when I was younger, but I'm just not that interested to even bother any more. My parents were horrified when I was like 9 or 10 and saw The Sound of Music for the first time and declared I wanted to become a nun (they're Southern Baptist), so they've pretty much always been okay with the idea that I'll never get married and have kids ... as long as I don't put on a habit. Guess they'll take what they can get. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Thankfully, my younger brother stepped up and gave them grandkids, so the pressure's been off me for 18 years. I went through menopause a few years ago, so that boat has really sailed now. Lol I think if I'd come out as lesbian instead of asexual, my parents probably wouldn't have been as okay with that, though one of their grandkids is lesbian now and they've been nice enough about it. I think they took it a lot harder 2 years ago when I took a test online that hardcore told me I'm autistic (very high marks). Ironically, when I told my nieces, they were like, 'yeah, we knew you were autistic; we learned about that in school and we said, hey, that describes our aunt!' Lol. Still, I imagine that it is a lot harder to come out as gay than asexual (or autistic) for most people. And you had to do both! Glad it went well for you! Loved the video! Thanks for your words of wisdom! 💜

[@cerisejaxel9636]

I had an acquaintance who I had seen wearing clothes the color of the ace flag. I was nervous but finally asked them about it, and we both came out to each other. It’s so great to find others to relate to, and it really broke down a wall. I’ve come out to my closest friends and my sister. Reactions have ranged from being accepting, indifferent, or weirded out but not unkind. Most of my family will never know because I know how they feel about the queer community in general.

[@AceDadAdvice]

Hey finding community anywhere is a good thing!

[@authorofdragons5198]

Finding ace joy is so real and so good. I just recently realized Im on the aro spectrum too and SO MUCH now makes sense, at first I had to grieve the future I expected to have, like you mentioned, but then filled w overwhelming joy at how damn cool it is how I experience the world and its valid! Albeit my future feels a lot more uncertain, but also more free- I dont have to rush to find a life partner bc it just doesnt happen that fast with me as it does for others, and thats so relieving. PLUS Ive found theres an aroace flag with my favorite colors on it and now Im just even more excited to have found myself and my favorite pride flag in one 😂😂 Im still getting past feeling bad for being so outspoken about my identity, but now with this video and this cool ass flag I aint gonna shut up about bc Im so damn happy 🧡💛🤍💙🖤

[@AceDadAdvice]

love this. be out, proud and fully yourself!

[@sirquirtle]

Just came here to say I relate so much to everything you said, and I couldn't agree more ! Also the aroace flag has the prettiest colors imo 😍💛💙💜

[@Diane_666]

The first time I saw an ace flag I was like "wow that's the prettiest flag I've seen so far, it's got my favourite colours on it", little did I know it was gonna be my flag one day😂⚫⚪💜

[@ScottyT9933]

Have any advice or anything to say for when you get called "basically straight" or "fringe queer?" There's been several times I've opened up about being asexual to people and they just shrug it off as "not really LGBT" or because I'm in straight passing relationships it doesn't really count.

[@AceDadAdvice]

I literally wrote a piece about gatekeeping today. I LOATHE gatekeepers. What to say? Nothing. Folks like that, who want to arbitrate your validity in the community, aren’t worth the time and emotional labor. And ultimately, if this is their take, they’re never gonna hear anything else. So don’t let that negativity stick. You belong in the community. You know who you are.

[@kitzeproductions7154]

People tend to dismiss it because they don't understand the extent to which it affects us. I told one of my long time friends, and she was like, "now that I'm older, lately I don't feel like doing it much either"... But she was basically telling about libido, which isn't the same thing at all, but still I was like, "now imagine you've felt that way your whole life".

[@sirquirtle]

@@kitzeproductions7154 I can relate to that. One of my best friends basically told me the same thing and I was so confused because at that point I couldn't tell the difference with libido yet. I felt it wasn't the same but I couldn't tell her how :/ Next time for sure I'll remember the "you felt that way your whole life" argument !

[@ThousandTimesBefore]

It's usually easier for me to pretend to be a lesbian - or at least not correct people who assume I am when I say that I "really do not want a boyfriend". Homosexuality is such a touchy subject in my environment, that I don't get any follow up questions

[@autumnbrookesings]

I have long since come out to all the most important people in my life. Now, I’m wanting to come out “publicly” on Instagram. I’ve been scared to post pride photos or anything referencing the queer community because of extended family members or people from my past who might not accept me, but I’m sick of having to be scared of that and hide a huge part of myself. So, yeah, I’m doing it for me and I’m expecting some family drama and I’m nervous but also really excited to be able to be authentically myself

[@femayal]

I can't believe I found this video on youtube the moment I needed it most. Your videos on tiktok warmed my heart but I had to uninstall the app to focus on studies. I've been trying for months to talk to my dad that I'm aroace and a lesbian, but whenever the time comes, I give up. I decided I would do it for my own sanity this month enjoying the pride vibe, but I almost threw up with anxiety today. I know it's not something I need to do, but if I spend one more day playing straight and listening to queer music on headphones in my own house, I'm going to freak out.

[@AceDadAdvice]

Then it seems like the right time! :) I hope it goes well. We are all here to support and encourage and send positive energy to you!

[@femayal]

@@AceDadAdvice OMG! I DID IT!! It was amazing. My dad was super supportive and didn't ask any personal question. I'm so happy!!

[@fmmarianicolon]

Another great video! If there is one thing I wish more straight people understood about the queer community in general, it’s the whole section about how we keep coming out our whole lives... each new job, new friends, more family, new business or government agency that needs to know. Yesterday, I came out to someone in my apartment complex parking lot because in conversation he kept assuming my ex was a woman. And then in a way, we start over again when we realize new parts of our identity like from gay to homoromantic ace, sharing the new news with the same family, friends, coworkers, etc. I explain to straight folks that it’s at times a multiple times per day experience. But it’s also an opportunity, because people get to know me better, and for many straight folks knowing who I am as a whole person (ace, athletic, dorky, kind, etc.) brings us closer while also chipping away at some of the assumptions and stereotypes they had about the queer community.

[@AceDadAdvice]

agree with everything here

[@charrie2664]

Your videos are so reassuring to me as a young ace, I’ve known that there was definitely something that I was just not feeling that everyone around me was feeling even in 6th grade. Everyone was finding out about these new sexual things and I started becoming really uncomfortable in truth or dare and those types games because everyone around me was growing up and I felt left behind. Everyone would just call me “innocent” and continue on a topic that sometimes made me visibly uncomfortable but I didn’t want to be that one person that ruins the fun. But as soon as I heard about asexuality things started to click into place. And honestly, it wasn’t the hardest thing for me to accept, I did tell myself things like “you’re too young” or “you’re just a late bloomer” and “just wait a bit before jumping to conclusions” but as soon as last winter came around I pretty much just accepted it. I’ve come out to 2 of the 4 people in my close circle of friends and it does eat away at me the fact that I haven’t come out to the other 2. It feels unfair of me not to tell them but your words really reassure me that there is no need for me to rush and it’s my choice as to when I come out to them and when I feel comfortable to do so. I have been getting more comfortable and open as I recently entered high school and happen to have made a lot of friends that are LGBTQ+ and make me feel more comfortable with my identity. I just wanted to say thank you for helping boost my confidence and security every time I start feeling insecure, it feels great to know I’m not alone :D

[@cenal1519]

This video has shown me how am NOT ready to come out to my family, it won't be for the right reasons Still struggling not to feel so 'broken' and coming to terms with being ace, your videos are really helping On a side note, this is the second one am watching and I still ended up busting into tears!!!

[@AceDadAdvice]

Take your time. There’s no rush to come out. Spend the time you need getting used to it for yourself. No letting anyone down. You’ve got this :)

[@cenal1519]

@@AceDadAdvice any advice or tips on how to make coming to terms with this easier?

[@dawntripp1974]

My heart is so full right now. Thank you for the hope of feeling joy about being Ace!

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m so glad it’s helpful!

[@aro988]

I would love to come out if my parents weren’t so homophobic and traditional. I’ve been waiting since I was 12 for the right time but It have never come. This might have cause my depression and anxiety, but I’m not so sure.

[@emilee6198]

I just came out to my closest friends because of this video! Six years of questioning and I’ve finally accepted myself. I was worried about what they would say but they’re very excited for me. It’s a small thing but at the same time, it’s huge for me. Thank you :) Time to get an ace ring and perfect my cake recipes hehe

[@AceDadAdvice]

That’s amazing. Congrats snd I’m super proud of you! It’s the start of the journey. Glad you’re here.

[@lennnoah]

Actually your coming out story to your friend is exactly how I came out for the first time to my best friend two years ago. We were talking at the phone very often at that moment because we lived far away from each other. I haven't planned to come out this day but I already wrote a letter weeks ago so I used it as a guide so I knew what I was gonna say. And it went perfectly, she's so accepting, I love her.

[@AceDadAdvice]

Aw thanks for sharing your experience. That’s lovely.

[@overitreb]

i started to cry at the last part. thank you, really. i've always been so scared of all of this, and my few coming outs have not gone that well with my friends. but i'm so very happy of having this wonderful community to back me up (also very happy to have found your channel), and i'm proud of who i am, even if not everybody knows i'm ace. thank you so much for making these videos

[@AceDadAdvice]

I am so glad you’re here. And I’m glad this has been helpful. It’s great to share this community with you

[@Diane_666]

Sending you lots of love too, fellow!💜💜💜

[@fidindingnemolovee]

honestly i’ve seen you on twitter, reddit, and now youtube... i think the only thing left is to see you irl so i can hug you🥺 your online presence is like a warm blanket. i REALLY love and appreciate what you’re doing🖤🤍💜

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you so so much. It means a lot! And I’m an excellent hugger :)

[@milorbilly]

Your kind tone almost made me cry...damn 😹 Direct spoken support isn't something people do here (by here I mean in France 😹) so it always feels strange to hear things like "be proud of who you are/I'm proud of you." or things like that so thank you ^^ I hope you have a lovely day!

[@gracesellars4568]

Ace Dad’s gonna make me cry over here 😭💕

[@TheTrueSir0Robin]

I know this is an older video but I wanted to thank you so much. Yesterday I watched a bunch of your videos and it gave me the confidence to come out to a close friend, and after how well it went it has given me the confidence to come out to some more of them whom I think will be receptive. Again thank you so much for giving me the confidence to take this big step. It is a huge relief to finally vocalize who I am.

[@MayKittys]

I’ve known I’m ace for 8 years and I’ve come out to many friends over the years. I’ve been fortunate enought to be part of queer or openminded friend groups who have all been perfectly lovely about it and I’ve been so sure of myself that I’ve never even been all that nervous about sharing it. The only person who ever told me I’m not ace in respose was a casual friend who I later learned had a crush on me.

[@AceDadAdvice]

Glad you have a mostly supportive group!

[@oortsie]

i just watched your playlist of asexuality 101 and it helped me come to terms with some aspects of myself. I got a bit emotional when you said that coming out is also something we experience ourselves because it was the first time i could say i knew something more about myself. Thank you for your videos they helped me a lot.

[@Bluewolf_I_guess]

I'm feeling the urgent need to come out as ace with my family and some friends. I've been taking care of my mental health and I realized how overwhelming and suffocating the usual "when are you bringing homebf/gf" or "you'll find the right" "you'll change your mind" have become. I want to do it so people see me as who I am and stop forcing their expectations on me. I want to be free from that, and if they can't understand, then so be it. I just discovered your channel too, and your video reassured me. "Ace dad" huh... Thank you for sharing with us here and offering advices :')

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m glad it was helpful. And good luck!!

[@ZacJacobs9]

I broke down in tears watching this. Thank you

[@zoechambers-daniel1680]

You have no idea how much I appreciate your videos! You are amazing :)

[@AceDadAdvice]

I appreciate that so much. I’m just a reflection of folks like you and how awesome you all are

[@everyones-a-cryptic]

My parents BARELY understand the concept of bi and trans people so my main roadblock is actually just... explaining lol. I made a whole slideshow with definitions, credible testimonials, and helpful charts/ visuals, and citations to explain WHAT asexuality is and had my friends proofread it for readability. It's got links to AVEN and explanatory KZbin channels like this one, color-coded scales that show the whole asexuality spectrum, and literal graphs placing me on that plane. I then promptly decided never to show my family ever because it's a bit TMI, but I just casually talk about it with my friends and random coworkers no problem.

[@AceDadAdvice]

I adore the thoroughness

[@NoEnvyNoFear1]

The whole thing about parents makes so much sense! Its why it feels so much easier to me coming out to my step mom, because I was already a person when she got to know me!

[@mikaruemcora]

I really like your voice, it is very soothing. Thank you for talking about this uwu

[@ventusxzephyr13]

When I came out to my first for the first time I told her. “If I were a card in a deck I’d be an ace.” She then proceeded to ask why, and not getting it, and me slowly panicking I replied. “Because you are what you eat.” It took awhile for her to get it, but it worked. 👍

[@AnaLu07]

I JUST FOUND OUT THIS CHANNEL!!IT'S SO PERFECT!! Don't ever stop making this videos (at least not so soon),i NEED this channel (no pressure though)

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you so much! And no worries. I’m here for the long haul. I’m having a wonderful time making them.

[@ki1apika]

I almost cried. Thanks for the advice!

[@thatwitchxoxo4069]

Kudos on doing this. If I'd seen this video so many years ago, it would have helped me out so much. I dunno why it made me so happy. So I thank you, on behalf of every oblivious ace whose struggling.

[@AceDadAdvice]

It would have helped me when I needed it so I’m glad to make it and help others!

[@hetagirlgamer5296]

Parents aside is 100% true, as well as safety. Understand they built up a you that likely isn't really who you are, and that's a world shattering moment for them, some even more so than others. However, each situation is different. Each parent is different. Some may just be like "Okay, cool." while others will kick you to the curb. You need to be sure you're safe, and that you have a safety net even if you think parents will be chill. Also partially disagree about the coming out being a choice thing. My parents found out by snooping and finding out I put bi on new patient paperwork since I'm an ace who isn't afraid to kiss my partner, so I put it down as bi out of the three options (aka, don't lie to your doctor if it can affect your physical health guys). I didn't *choose* to tell them anything. If I had a choice, I'd *never* tell them I was ace. Hardcore religious parents, known well enough that they could never get away with kicking me out without ticking too many people off, but behind closed doors are manipulative and demeaning. Emotional abuse beyond belief. Never ever would've come out to people like that. I'd have made sure I was completely independent of them, totally, then go low/no contact with them (due to other past things). But instead, they looked over my shoulder, saw bi, and flipped their lids on the car ride home without me even knowing they saw until I was locked in. Mom thinks she's a failure, it's a sin, etc. I'm lucky I still have a home, but other issues have me stuck with them for some time yet, so... be careful, stay safe, and if you don't want to come out, make sure someone else can't come out for you.

[@AceDadAdvice]

Sorry to hear you had that experience. Having your agency taken from you is not a good thing at all.

[@TheDracoAnimator]

I came out as ace to my friend today (first time coming out to anyone) I was really nervous, but she was supportive, and I'm happy I finally told her

[@AceDadAdvice]

That’s awesome! Congratulations!!

[@kitzeproductions7154]

Not coming out to family due to fear that people will blame me for the divorce. Sure, it was a factor but there were issues on his end, too. But if I come out as Ace, then people will assume that was the entire cause of our breakup. Now I only feel comfortable being open with certain people or new friends who won't make assumptions or judge me. Any Ace Dad advice about this issue?

[@AceDadAdvice]

I think you’re doing what’s right for you. If you don’t want to come out to some folks, that’s okay. Coming out is for *you*

[@leighannjohnson8176]

Yes, this is exactly how I feel too! This isn't the reason for the divorce, but people will think it is.

[@bman14117]

I just came out as ace to my closest friend today. I am still in my teens and I am nervous people will say I’m too young. This was the first time I came out. I really hope people like my parents are just as calm and fine with my sexuality.

[@mimthyss]

Another wonderful video, Ace Dad. I've been wondering about coming out, but your advice about coming out should be for YOU, not for anyone else. Nobody is obligated my coming out, nobody has the inherent "right" to it but me! My choice! Coming out should be joyful.. wonderful advice. I feel a lot better about choosing not to tell people. So thank you!

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m so glad.

[@frostedsilverwings2525]

Thank you so much. I was super nervous to come out to my parents as Demi. I watched this video and I felt so much calmer and I was able to talk to them. I knew they love me unconditionally but there was so much fear that had seeped in from hearing how many times people are rejected and from being rejected some myself by people I thought I could trust. Today I told them and they hugged me and told me they loved me. They asked if I wanted them to speak openly about it or to keep it to themselves. They told me that the way I loved was just fine and it was cool and something I didn't have to be scared of. I haven't felt this measure of joy in my entire life. To be so wholey accepted as who I am is something I hope everyone gets the chance to feel.

[@AceDadAdvice]

This warms my heart. Great parent response! And congrats on your courage and your vulnerability with them. That rocks. WAY TO GO

[@daydream1066]

I don’t usually feel like I have to come out, the only person that knows I am Ace is my mom. My peers I think get it right away that I am Ace without me saying it. However, I think it might be time to come out to one of my best friends since she keeps trying to set me up or asks if I am a lesbian all the time. Keep in mind she is in her late 50s so this is where our age gap really shows through. I think if she just had a name for what I am she would stop pestering me. (Please note she does this I think out of love and concern that I don’t date out of fear). My only fear is she won’t believe me… or think I am broken just because I have never dated. I just want my friend to know I am happy as I am as an Ace woman, no need for a partner and it is okay!

[@nori9111]

I've just discovered this channel and I already love it so much. Thanks for helping me learn about myself and what it means to be ace!

[@galacticTeller]

heya! i recently found out i'm Ace and this really helped ease my worries about coming out quite a bit! thank you!

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m glad it was helpful! Thanks for being here

[@TheSuzberry]

You have a brilliant take on a parent’s perspective. Thanks for that.

[@genevieve4679]

Thank you so so so much for doing this. I initially identified as demisexual but in this allonormative world, i realize I still wanted to be at least "half normal". I still harboured the "hope" that somehow, i hadn't "found the right person", even though as I think about my past, i just remember staring at people my whole life willing those "butterflies" to come and they never did. It didn't help that as an adolescent, I was a hopeless romantic and consumed enormous amounts of YA romance. I recently lost a family member and that has shaken up a lot of things, so I decided address my asexuality once and for all. Your videos are so helpful for me in this process

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m so glad they were helpful. That’s what I’m aiming to do. Glad you’re here!

[@itssam4754]

Hey Ace Dad, I just found your channel after watching Lynn Saga’s video Thanks for the great advice 😄 I figured out I was asexual about a month ago and haven’t told anyone yet But this video will definitely help a lot😄😄😄

[@shykat9188]

Yes there is a lot of joy here.

[@alixlandriault1212]

Thank you, thank you for this video. It's the first time I've felt that asexuality can be an uplifting characteristic for myself.

[@AceDadAdvice]

It can!

[@AnaBeatriz-sf4if]

YES! I came out to 3 of my best friends, the rest can know because i really don't hide it, but i never stopped just to tell them. My parents will probably not know for a veery long time, but it's fine :D Great video, as always! 💜💜

[@AceDadAdvice]

no need to share if it doesn't serve you. and thank you!

[@hailhummus]

Was looking through ace content and came across your social media channels. This was super inspiring, and has given me some courage and perspective about coming out to friends and family. Thank you.

[@AceDadAdvice]

That’s amazing! You’ve got this.

[@LeinVerheij]

Just found your channel and subscribed after only 1 video. You're great to listen to and really made me think. Especially with this video. I honestly never realised that the coming out thing would be life long. I don't really share it around with people in real life, I feel safer doing it with my online friends first. My parents are next on the list.

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you! You can come out on your own timeline. Good luck with your parents!

[@P0t4t0esbruh]

I needed this,I didn't know how to come out as Ace,thank you,this helped me make a plan on how to come out,Thank You Again :D

[@AceDadAdvice]

So glad to hear it!

[@Diane_666]

My funniest coming out story: Me: *casually explains what asexuality is to a person* oh, and also they wear a black ring on a specific place. - On which place? Me: *shows my ace ring* on this place! - *freezes in astonishment* ...........OH, WOW!

[@AceDadAdvice]

Ha love it

[@abbysworld05]

I’m AroAce, I thought I was straight but realized that I wasn’t because a little bit after I turned 17 I found out I was Asexual, and then I found out that I’m also Aromantic until a few months later and this was in my senior year of high school since I turned 17 July 1st 2022, and when I first came out it was to one of my friends, she said some Aphobic stuff which really hurt but we’re all good now, I know that doesn’t erase what she said and it didn’t make it hurt less but I’m glad that she learned and I’m glad she wasn’t Aphobic forever, but my parents I’m positive will be much worse and a lot more Aphobic towards me such as saying things like”how are you Aromantic when you’ve had a boyfriend forever” you can, which is why I didn’t know I have Aromantic until I noticed that I rarely have a crush on anyone and only get crushes on guy friends which is how I’m Aromantic, I’m also worried about if my parents will try to “fix” me by “corrective rape” after I come out as AroAce, and I’ve noticed I have similar issues with both being Aro and Ace but it’s still different because for Asexuality I experience zero sexual attraction and I’m sex repulsed, and for Aromantic I only experience romantic attraction to a guy until I get to know him really well, like a best friend so I rarely get any cruses since I don’t really have any friends cuz it’s hard for me to make friends and I’m romance favorable, so even tho my experiences of being Aro and Ace are different, I still am most worried about my parents bringing me to a doctor or something in order to “fix me so I can stop being AroAce” by doing “corrective rape” so for my safety I’m ether telling them I’m AroAce when I’m 18 or when I move out because when I’m 18 I can say no to those things cuz I’m a legal adult and when I move out, if they have a bad reaction or start being Aphobic then at least I know I’m better off not talking to them for a while, not necessarily cutting off all contacts but just so I give them time to cool off and get to the conclusion on their own on if they want to accept me and support me or continue to not accept me and not support me ether, that way I am safe, I would rather move out first than just being 18 cuz I would most likely still be living with them and dependent on them at least to some degree so it’s better for me to not come out as AroAce until I am both 18 and have already moved out

[@Skoolschuuter]

Thank you so much , I’ll be using someday soon hopefully .

[@AceDadAdvice]

When you’re ready, you’ve got this!

[@NeonRainbowXD]

i'm rooting for you💜💜

[@SallyLock103emeCaris]

I love your videos, you talk in a very nice way and you say wonderful things. I already know most of those things but I like to hear them from you (and the repetition is good for my anxious brain)

[@dr.bandito60]

Great video! I like that you talked about that coming out is for you and no one else. I’ve known I’m ace for about ten years but I don’t think I’ll ever come out to my parents. I am out in other spaces and I don’t mind if they find out somehow, but I’m just not close enough to them to initiate a conversation about it myself.

[@AceDadAdvice]

That’s totally valid. It’s a process for you and no one else.

[@birgittazandhers9257]

I was 50+ when I came to understand what asexuality was. It was like a divine moment - I wasn't strange or broken just ace. I was happy when I told some of my friends and the only one with a negative reaction was a person who's lgbtqia+ positive. Nowaday I'm not comming out to people but I'm not hiding either. It feels like people doesn't regard asexuality as something "strange". Everyone, exept that one person, have accepted it and treats me as they always have done.

[@dashboots376]

I came to terms with being AroAce a while ago and basically came out to all my online friends, who weren't surprised because I never talk about sex and never really seemed interested in anything or anyone, it was kind off a joke that I was too "innocent" and after that it just became clear to anyone I wasn't really this adorable little innocent thing but you know just genuinely indifferent, specially since I am a strong supporter of sexual freedom which didn't fit this innocent angel box they had locked me into even if I'm uninterested in engaging in sex. For IRL coming out it has just been very casual, when I have been with my siblings and friends and topics of sexual adventures, exploration or romantic aspirations come up I just brought it up very casually like, "Eh... I'm pretty sure that's not for me, sex wasn't like disgusting when I had it but I don't care for it and I wouldn't seek it out so I'm pretty sure I'm asexual" or "Yeah I don't really like men, or women either, pretty sure I don't want to date or have sex with anyone again to be honest, so basically I'm asexual", responses have varied, most people said "That actually makes sense considering how you act" or something around those lines, I've also gotten "Asexuality isn't" but I just shrug that off, the only time it hurt was when my sister said it because I've always supported her and defended her from my parents since she came up as a lesbian, but at least she reflected on it and apologised for saying it and reconciled the next day, but TBH it's not really something I go around announcing to everyone because I don't think it's necessary, plus I find that most people that aren't part of the LGBTQA+ community don't even know what asexuality is and I just don't want to bother explaining it.

[@karenKristal]

your channel is brilliant

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you! glad you're here

[@calinasagilitypartner4444]

I'm asexual and on the Autism Spectrum.

[@AceDadAdvice]

Glad you’re here.

[@RichieKGB]

Ace dad you are really helping me at moment. I feel like i am discovering my true identity at last like everything is finally fitting into place. For most of my adult life I have been indifferent to my asexuality I always figured i was just broken/perverted. I didn't think asexuality was really a thing and never identified with the community before i figured us Ace people were just also broken/perverted or anti-sex and have had no desire to find out more. I also assumed other people know more than me, asexual was common knowledge which is why they so rarely approach me for sex and why I dont fit in. I was 27 before i really knew, i always figured i was kinda a cartoon character and hopeless romantic. I am finding coming out really difficult, i dont even know what i am to explain to others. But you can bet I am going to be finding out out and sharing it with people - because I think spreading awareness will help others understand more about what it is to be human. This is the first time i have ever referred to myself as "ACE" its such a wonderful empowering feeling I think I finally get one of the reasons why your sharing it. Next step for me is to stop lurking and joining AVE to find out more about myself on there forums. - TY and much love.

[@AceDadAdvice]

This is such a beautiful comment. Thank you so much for sharing and for being here.

[@RichieKGB]

@@AceDadAdvice U deserve it big man, your videos helped me identify - i joined AVEN now enjoying chatting to other aces, learning the lingo and stuff. I dont feel broken now more like starting afresh knowing what its about! Not bad for 45 year old dude whos pretty cynical about everything - who says a old dog can't learn new tricks? ! Now you need anything carrying, some washing done for you? :)

[@domn415]

Thank you so much for your videos! You are really helping me know who I am.......I just wish I had found your videos earlier......Thank You again and keep healthy and safe during there trying timers!

[@AceDadAdvice]

Aw thank you friend.

[@grenade8572]

Thanks to your channel, I discovered I'm ace - and aro too. I want to come out to my parents, but I already what they're going to tell me : I'm heartless, cold, selfish ; and I don't go out enough to meet new people (including "the right one"), that's why men are not interested in me... I know they will say that, because they already tell me sometimes... when they're angry or rumbling... I'm in my 30s, but I am like a child who just can't talk back. I would like to let them know who I am, and that I am single not because are not interested in me, but because I'm not interested in others. I have no clue if I should come out. Maybe it don't change anything, maybe they won't understand, maybe it will be worst (at least for a period of time). I'm not sure it will help...

[@schneewittchen6242]

I found out I am asexual in my current relationship. We are very happy and besides my best friend no one knows about my asexuality. I'm afraid to tell my other friends or family about it because I don't want them to see me and my boyfriend differently or ask questions about our sex life. My asexuality is kinda just between my boyfriend and I but it's also a big part of me and I don't know how to talk about it without getting him involved so much.

[@AceDadAdvice]

It doesn’t have to be between anyone else

[@annamack5969]

you calm my anxiety

[@AceDadAdvice]

Glad you’re here :)

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

I really wish I could smash like on this video twice!!

[@GwynnDdu]

I just found this channel today and I'm happy I did. I'm ace and the stuff you said about parents & safety first are just so important. Plus I hadn't really considered the idea that parents need time to process the change of their visualised version of us in quite the way you described before. As for my own situation, I find that I struggle with coming to terms with the idea of how my parents might view me if I come out to them the most for definite. I'm out to my brother and 3 of my friends (as well as people I know on the internet), but I find that while part of me wants to be open to myself when I move on with life (go to university, etc), another part fears every time I mention the fact that I'm ace that it will somehow get back to my mother. My mum is openly against lgbtq+ and anything she deems as 'woke' to our family, there's been multiple times she's specifically said things against ace people and that it's just a label people say they are when they don't want people asking them out (especially regarding ace celebrities). Because of this I really don't want her to find out I'm ace, at least until I've moved out and am self sufficient enough to not have to move back. It sucks because I'm pretty sure I have this thing called rejection sensitivity too, which basically means that I really struggle with anyone disliking me or any perceived rejection. This is even worse with my mum since I know her so well, meaning that I legitimately can't even visualise how it'd feel for her to reject such a personal part of me. I've already had one bad experience of telling her I want to go by a different name (I've always wished I had a different name, and in the past year or so have been seriously considering it) and her response was that she would never call me a different name because it'd make her feel stupid, so I really don't want a repeat with her finding out I'm ace. That said though, I don't feel like I can keep living like this for my entire life. My entire existence at the moment revolves around having to side with all my mother's views while I'm at home, while with friends/on the internet I can be slightly more open with who I truly am. I just hope that moving away to university next year will help as I'll be able to have so much more time to just be myself. Sorry for just rambling/venting lol

[@GwynnDdu]

It's so frustrating about the going by a different name thing. I took the chance to tell her about it because I thought that since it wasn't lgbtq+ related she might be accepting of it, but she wasn't. The real kicker is that her own father goes by a different name than his legal name and she's perfectly fine with that, but since I'm her daughter and she's known me before I started going by a different name it's not ok. I guess it would make sense in a way considering how controlling she tries to be over me in different areas. There have been multiple occasions where she's tried to get me to promise not to get tattoos, dye my hair, or get piercings (even in my ears) for the rest of my life - how do you expect a teenager to agree to something like that?! I've had to go through university applications recently and, again, she had a list of universities she told me I couldn't go to because they were too 'woke' and just had a bunch of crazy people. She's so worried I'll go off to university and get indoctrinated. Then of course there's the fact that seemingly to her I must always have an opinion on the political subjects she has strong opinions on and those opinions must always correlate with her opinions. So much for unconditional love...

[@icey_dark_gacha]

I just found out I am Aro/Ace last week Wednesday 7th 2021 at 21 years old, and I accepted it because my past trauma changed me. I just came out to 2 of my best friends and they accepted me, honestly that really makes me happy because I've known them for a very long time. I always write a brief description about what I want to say and I haven't come out to my family just yet because I asked them basically a simple question to test their reactions/views about the LGBTQ+ community without saying my sexuality, and they didn't have a problem with it, and some didn't support it. So I knew who I would come out too because their response made me feel supported, loved, etc. I'm still feeling a bit pressured or having to urge to come out to my family right now, BUT I would like to wait for a few more days. I asked my neighbor and my co-worker how they feel towards the LGBTQ+ community as well, and they also didn't had a problem as well, so I know who I am ready to come out to. I love this video, inspired me, made me like myself, etc. Thank you so much for this.

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m very proud of you. And you’re doing great!!

[@icey_dark_gacha]

@@AceDadAdvice Thanks!

[@layascorner143]

My big, chaotic, Ace family ❤❤❤

[@brandlynnyoung3123]

I love your videos. Thank you.

[@annavesely4645]

I really love your videos! Your advice is always amazing. Please keep doing what you do

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you!! This means so much and I will definitely keep it up.

[@ethansworld210]

Thanks for making this channel! Those insights really help!! Meanwhile, your voice is very comforting!

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you so much for the compliment and for supporting the channel. I’m glad you’re here!

[@zyn3ria714]

I just found your channel and I cant describe how happy it has made me. The content you are creating is so rare but so so necessary, thank you for doing this. I don't wish to come out yet, but I did buy a beautiful black rose ring, its like my little secret! ^o^

[@sleeping82]

I think I realized I'm ace when I was a teenager, and now I'm 39 and no longer wanted to stay in the closet and lie to myself and others! So I told a few chosen people, and it was very hard for me! I was so terribly clumsy with my words and stuff. Oh god, and I will experience this for the rest of my life...that's what I learned from this vid *shrugs*

[@AceDadAdvice]

that part gets easier the more you do it. :)

[@emmielucas4135]

I’m starting to think I might be asexual because the idea of having sex isn’t appealing, but I don’t have any desire to come out if I am. I’m still learning and figuring out how I feel, but asexual feels like it describes my feelings, but I don’t have any desire to tell everyone I am ace. It’s not that I’m scared per se, I just don’t think it’s something I feel I need to do. I don’t think it’s a big deal if I am ace or not, besides knowing for myself. If I am asexual then that really only impacts me and any partners I have right(?), so I don’t think I need to “come out” because it doesn’t really impact anyone else. Am I not really ace because I feel this way, will this feeling change as I learn more about myself, or is this feeling valid as is?

[@em4806]

Great video, as usual. I related so much to what you talk about. ❤️

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you so much for you amazing support friend.

[@kodiwolf5864]

I am having a horrible time coming to terms being ace. I didn't know it was not "normal". Back then, I just thought this was how everyone felt. In last June I found out exactly what I was. I feel like.. defective. Like I am lying to a partner and I'm not there mentally like they are. It hurts.

[@amemelia]

I know the feeling, I'm 19 and pretty sure aroace. I thought getting butterflies was made up and exaggerated bc I never got it I thought I felt differently. I've always wanted a kid and some company and coming to terms with it felt hard. Will anyone want someone who doesn't romantically feel the same towards their partner? I can still love them and want a deep relationship that's sensual and emotional but how long will it last, will they feel hurt after so long and think I'm faking? Honestly being ace I'm not too fussed, a lot have people have low libido but being ace? Just the thought feels saddening like you won't find someone who will platonically "date" you but hey, can always get a roommate :)

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m sorry you’re really struggling. I can tell you that the more you live it and the more you connect it as a part of you some of those feelings go away or lessen. Change is really hard. Especially changing how you understand yourself. It’s a process not an on/off switch. You’ll get there.

[@kodiwolf5864]

@@AceDadAdvice thank you for all the videos. I was so scared because I wasnt sure how to tell my bf. I didn't want him to feel like anything changed n still loved him. The videos helped me say every I needed to when coming out to him. I have a horrible habit of my mind spiraling with negative thoughts til I hit rock bottom.. but he said he suspected I was demi or ace for awhile now n still loves me. It touched me a lot to hear it, n I think I can finally start accepting myself. Ik I should regardless if it didn't work, but it feels like a lot of off my chest by telling him n not keeping it a secret

[@elizayoung3362]

Thank you thank you! 💜

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you for supporting!!

[@MadAsh11]

Thank you for this and all your other vids 💜

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thank you so much for supporting!!

[@goreaudfrancois3397]

Great video, thank you so much ! It's going to help me a great deal :)

[@AceDadAdvice]

I’m glad! Happy you’re here.

[@lanatherana157]

Thank you for this comforting video ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@AceDadAdvice]

Thanks for being here!

[@Kee900_]

THANK YOU 🖤🩶🤍💜

[@Ana-lb2cq]

hi ace dad! thank you so much for all the work you put into these videos

[@AceDadAdvice]

This sounds like a good video topic. Keep an eye out.