Asexuality on 20/20, March 24 2006

A superstar team from the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (www.asexuality.org) appear on ABC's 20/20.

[@GiniroTsuki]

I love how this sex therapist is saying that by labeling yourself asexual you might as well label yourself as "unadventurous" and "narrow-minded". She's completely missing the fact that she's being narrow-minded by refusing to accept asexuality as something that is real.

[@JennaJoker]

That therapist pisses me off

[@c.e.schlink9933]

She obviously is under the spell of Freudian psychology. She is a narrow minded idiot.

[@rest6794]

Asexuality is not abstinence

[@MaineJuen]

That sex expert was disgusting. I hate watching videos so early on in asexuality's venture into the media. I hate people assuming that because I'm asexual I'm 'sexually neutered', 'stunted', 'not curious' or hell....accusing me of being a victim of some 'traumatic event'. It's awful to listen to.

[@Astronomater]

I agree. she isn't even a doctor, just a psychologist and so bigoted for being a psychologist too. She is the one who is close minded, not us asexuals.

[@andrewfield4072]

7:40 Okay, I know that we've moved a lot further towards acceptance in recent years but OH MY GOD!!! I don't think I've ever been more pissed off at someone for thinking they know better than people who actually identify as asexual! Seriously. Neither I, nor my family, are religious, I wasn't abused, and I'm not repressed. I really hope this lady's thoughts on the matter have evolved with the times because, if not, that's just pitiful.

[@MrSD42]

+Andrew Field v=hQ5pbNj73jg

[@suckmyartauds]

This Joy Davidson lady is the narrow-minded one. Why doesn't she try some ice cream instead?

[@strangertobluewater]

I know, she's the worst, right? I am seriously having a hard time listening to her at all.

[@godsfiddler]

Carl and the lady may be demi sexual, or whatever it's called. No sexual attraction until after they've formed a deep bond. It's a form of asexuality, from what I understand.

[@H4CK41D]

It sure is, I think this was probably before demisexuality was properly recognised, when AVEN was still in early stages with few members and limited research. I am demisexual

[@ShadowAnimeation]

OMGosh! That sex therapist lady just ticks me off. She's making way to many ignorant and stereotypical assumptions that it's not even funny. Just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they have never done it, have been abused, or have a physical disability! Yes those things can cause people to be wary of sex but usually people who have those things still want sex but can't do it because of said limitations. Asexual people don't want sex in the first place, therefor even if something like that is true about them it wouldn't matter. They are still intrinsically non-sexual beings whether other people like it or not!

[@bobbob2932]

Asexuality is not "lack of libido". Libido and sexual attraction are two separate things. Asexuality is just a lack of sexual attraction.

[@Irishsong22]

This video makes me frustrated. I know that the identity of Asexuality was virtually unknown back then, and I'm happy that nowadays we can try to be more open minded. I know a lot of people who before I met them had no idea what Asexuality was, and even less known is that it's a scale, unlike some of the other LGBTQA identities. There's Demisexual, which means that you can have sexual feelings towards someone you have a strong relationship with, which is probably what the woman with the braids and her fiance were, and as a person grows they can change. Of course the Sex Therapist says that you have to have sex. It's her job. If people aren't having sex then she's out of a client. Her world is based around sex. The idea of people not needing it would obviously boggle her mind, I just hope that she has learned more about asexuality and it's spectrum over the years and isn't as ignorant about it now. I'm also very interested in why the media, upon hearing about asexuals, are so... offended? Especially conservative minded folk. If six is something that should be so discrete and a private affair, why do they care if some people aren't having any? It's none of their business to try and convince them to have some or change their mind. As for the therapist who said that there could be something physiologically wrong with asexuals, that's equally not her business.

[@mljones1017]

I dont agree with that doctor at the end. I have had sex with my husband and I feel absolutely no attraction to him. I dont want the sex and I am disgusted with myself as its happening. I have never been sexually abused to my knowledge.

[@MRgamer016]

well to me sex dose not = love

[@mljones1017]

i agree! Eric Goodwin

[@MRgamer016]

Michelle Jones thanks i just see a shit load think it dose = love

[@godsfiddler]

I actually stumbled across the asexual videos yesterday. My husband and I have sex so rare, that we just thought neither of us had much interest in it. But my husband may fall under the demi sexual category, and me more asexual. I could completely do without the sex, and my husband has never been attracted to anyone unless he formed a deep bond with them. I will continue to do the sex if my husband wishes. it's maybe 5 times a year. Don't feel disgusted with yourself. You love your husband, I'm sure. He loves you, I'm sure. I have been molested twice at 6 and 7 years old, but that doesn't play into it at all.

[@mljones1017]

wow im so sorry that happened to you when you were a kid=[ but its nice to hear your story is similar to mine. thanks =] and good luck in your marriage =] you guys seem compatible which is awesome! godsfiddler

[@FinsternisSan]

I'm asexual, and I don't have a sexual desire either when I see someone either. I have attraction, but in the sense of "oh wow that person is pretty, i like their features." but sex never comes into my head. There are different types of asexuals, as there are different types of sexuals. All in all I'm proud to be what I am and wouldn't change it for anyone ^__^ I'll take my cake from AVEN any day.

[@internetangelX]

Wow. I didn't think guys like you existed. The idea of sex makes me VERY uncomfortable and my friends often tease me about it--they frequently make sexual jokes and gestures toward me and touch me without my permission (I don't really like to be touched), and they think it's hilarious. So, I told them I was asexual, and they treated me like I was diseased. I guess I assumed, then, that nobody would ever treat me, and other asexual people, the way that you seem to: respectfully. Thank you (:

[@pooie0116]

Wow, I can't stand that interviewer. I've got a question for her... If I had a pill to give you that would make you informed and inoffensive, would you want it?

[@clover220]

I have no problem with sexual people but there are some things that do bother me about them, especially when they brag about who they slept with. I would always think sex was supposed to be for two people who were in love. Turns out it doesn't have to be, just like asexuals can love without sex. I don't understand why it's important. That's what sexual people have a hard time understanding: SEX HAS TO BE INVOLVED FOR LOVE. Really? Apparently sex is just a game for most (not all) I'll say sex is an interesting subject, I like to study it, it remains a curiosity, it's kind of like when you're reading about the wild life of animals both of which you find interesting and disturbing (not that I'm calling sexual people animals, but you get my point) It's a taboo thing. All you sexual ppl who see us as "dumb" or "sick," you're just blinded by today's over-sexualized society. Really, no need to make fun of us just so you can feel good about yourselves. I didn't choose this, I was just born that way. I'm glad I'm not alone because I finally have an answer to my problems.

[@Rosumisorimu]

Thank you very much! :) I am so glad to meet you! :) I subscribed to your channel! :)

[@acajudi100]

Virgin until 25, married at 27 and again at 31, had only child at 37, and still celibate at 70 and happy!

[@Rosumisorimu]

So nice to meet you! I am so glad you agree and thank you for your support! I definitely want to stay in contact with you as I am sick of being in contact with debacherous people these days. I really need friends who actually AGREE WITH ME on some life philosophies and not just tell me "you think too much man, relax!" :D And of course, by that, in no way I want to say anything bad about my friends, I wouldn't be friends with them if I didn't like them, but...honestly I need new friends as well!

[@renasteborowska3480]

Aexual people rock the world ! :) feel so proud to be one.

[@poisonedxveins]

The female sexual therapist is basing her theory on the idea that asexuals have NEVER had sex, when in fact quite a few asexuals have had sexual experiences. It's not really about "you don't know what you're missing", it's about the desire to be sexual. And some people just don't have it. And that's ok.

[@internetangelX]

It's great that you're happy (: And kudos to you for being able to stick to that diet; I tried it once and gave up on the first day :P I salute you from my computer.

[@Keeki95]

"unadventurous, narrow minded, blind to possibilities" words that best describe their speaker in this case.

[@DASRH]

I realise that some people are like this, I've actually know a couple of them but I can never get away from the fact that reproduction is an integral part of being a successful being. Asexuality, if it is genetic is inherently faulty. If it is not genetic, then you can't easily say its natural. Sexual urges are normal, as Freud( a royally messed up sexual being himself) said "the only abnormal sexuality is the absence of sexuality"

[@Rosumisorimu]

Thank you! :) Actually it was the same for me at first, but the low carb diet is a tricky thing...in the beginning its so hard without bread, bananas and other carbs...but then after some certain period of time your body adapts and you stop having cravings for carbs and actually even have an impression that you'll fill sick if you eat them :) BTW why did you try low carb diet?

[@anninaninana1070]

This doctor talking to them as tho shes telling them revolutionary stuff, as if thats not something theyve all heard their whole life already. Kinda wanna give her a slap

[@Rosumisorimu]

Thank you so much for understanding! I really appreciate it! And I completely agree, you said it perfectly. Life is much more than sexuality/asexuality. Thanks heavens, I kind of found a semi-solution to my problem (a certain type of diet) as I see my sex drive decrease more and more each day! YAAAY! :) If it keeps up like this I may very likely be able to concentrate on my work to a decent level soon! :) And if I ever solve it 100%, I'll come back here and give you all virtual hugs! :)

[@sshelget]

Thanks for your reply. It's so nice to feel understood for ONCE in my life. Do YOU know anybody personally like you? Or only on the web? Just curious. :)

[@sorlarz]

That one doctor who kept saying there's something wrong with us was really annoying. I am not narrow-minded, I'm not unadventurous, I'm just not interested. I was never abused, I just don't care for sex. I have a feeling she would say being LGBT is a choice.

[@AshTimlin01]

Thank you! :P

[@pwlover91]

Lately, I've been noticing that neither gender is really attractive to me. I couldn't find a word for it, but maybe this is what I am, I don't know.....

[@Maticallo]

This is simply another branch of the sexuality spectrum that has been here since the dawn of time that modern day advancements in society has simply allowed people to discover and address. This is the first time i've heared of this and i'm sexually active and i'm a gay man, but I think with my experience of being misunderstood and ostrocized because of MY sexuality and not being understood it's maybe easier as a gay person to understand that other sexualities do exist and its simply normal

[@stitchesandstaples]

My aunty is asexual - over 50 never even kissed/dated/hugged (beyond friendship and family for kissed and hugged) anyone let alone been intimate with anyone in her life. It just is and we just accept it. Beyond scientific interests I don't see why I should care who is and who isn't nor anaylsis anyone either way, it just is.

[@Landon_Matthew]

I would just LOVE if someone could make a tribute song to being asexual. We may not be as common as gays, but we'll still people. Society must accept who we are!!!!

[@hyperyoda1065]

I love it how when victoria and carl tell that they've been "fooling around" everyone turns around and gives them this evil eye XD

[@EricSPizarro]

29. Male. Haven't had sex, ever. I am still here. I think this undeniably proves sex is not sleeping or food.

[@tutunepan492]

asexual doesn't mean you do not want to have sex ever.....it is just {way} no as often as a sexual being. opposed to a sex addict for example, who has to have sex 2-3 times a day, that doesn't mean they do not take breaks.

[@sshelget]

Well, I am offended that people are sexual (speaking to people who would be offended that anyone is asexual). For 30 years I've been angry at the world because I could never understand why everybody keeps teaching and preaching that sex is OK and that EVERYBODY would be sexual. I thought I was the only person who wasn't a sexual person.

[@tickedoffnow]

@SunnyHappy2008 If you're Asexual, you're NOT GONNA BE SEXUAL/DOING SEXUAL THINGS. SOMEONE SEXUAL ON THE OTHER HAND IS GONNA DO SEXUAL THINGS UNLESS THEY DON'T WANT TO.

[@oonoon9]

You know, I've always thought it was possible to be not attracted to either sex, and you know what, it turns out I was right. Proud asexual here.

[@teddybeartoe]

@sakurabaka I just have one final question. What makes you happiest in life?

[@2020Bookworm]

Sex- Your damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

[@JoeDaPlumber]

@glowythelugia Thanks for all that insight! It is very valuable to helping understand your position. Asexuality just takes me a little aback. It is something that is not discussed in society or even addressed. Thank you

[@shadowofthecandle]

The asexual segment starts at 1:45

[@shraampy]

'Narrow-minded?' Wow, talk about a slap in the face.

[@internetangelX]

Me too! Ugh, people just confuse the heck out of me. It's like, just cut it out already, you know? And, by the way (I'm responding to something you said in your original comment), there's nothing wrong with having a sexual side as long as you don't let it completely dominate your life. And when you find someone that loves you, they'll enjoy sharing that experience with you. So don't worry about it, okay? (:

[@AnEmu404]

Jesus kringle Asexuality isn’t no libiDO it’s no sexual attraction aaaaaa

[@teddybeartoe]

@sakurabaka Now this is gonna sound really stupid but I have to ask.....if you're asexual, what do you do? I mean how do you find happiness in life???

[@Rosumisorimu]

Thank you! The best of luck to you too with whatever you may be struggling with! ;) Sooner or later, one way or the other everything will fall at it's place I know that ;)

[@gastronomist]

That might be one of the definitions, but it would be hard to find a recent dictionary that has it as the only definition. However, the Latin "virgo" refered to women only as far as I know.

[@seanweir]

Libido and sexual attraction aren't the same

[@chickendipzs]

That no libido comment was completely wrong :/ I have libido, I'm just not interested in having someone else to deal with it...

[@JoeDaPlumber]

@glowythelugia Are you ever curious though about determining what is exactly that arouses you? And aside from the sexual stuff, how do you think this affects you in cultivating a relationship or long term partnership (like gf/bf type)?

[@justinaj1999]

8:45. They may be dimisexual.

[@awesomer3]

I know right? That's exactly what I was thinking.

[@H4CK41D]

Yeah, I was thinking it's silly to remove themselves from the community because of that?! I'm a demi, I guess back when this was made it wasn't as known because aven would have only had very few members

[@emsosilly]

What's the difference between Asexuality and Sexual Anorexia as stated in Dr. Partick Carnes book? And why does everyone who doesn't understand this feeling like this therapist and other doctors think that it stems from a trauma? There are a lot of people who have never experienced any trauma who feel this way.

[@glowythelugia]

@JoeDaPlumber As far as libido goes, I don't have much, if any. Depending on my hormone levels (estrous/menstrual cycles) I can be a bit more susceptible to physical arousal, though I can't really give you any specifics as to what is or is not arousing. I don't feel any need to seek physical intimacy to alleviate it, though. I just wait a few minutes until it goes away, no harm done.

[@glowythelugia]

@NiHuWi It generally isn't a lifestyle choice, it just exists like any other sexual orientation. And yes, most asexual people, unless they are aromantic, do still desire emotional intimacy.

[@PrometheusAdore]

Being Asexual doesn't mean we become total hippies and don't give a shit. I put effort into my appearance. I do my hair, I put make up on, I dress nicely. I don't care if men are attracted or not, I'm not sexually attracted to them. The "plumming" as they put it works perfectly fine, I've had sex and found it pretty damn boring and I definitely didn't feel a emotional connection behind it either.

[@86thislove]

Couldn't agree more with you! That's exactly what I did and realized I was asexual. Like men who has sex with women but realized later that they were gay

[@glowythelugia]

@JoeDaPlumber No problem! I agree, most of modern society doesn't address it or in some cases even refuses to believe it exists (see: the doctor in this video). I'm very glad I could provide some insight :)

[@mulry101]

That's fine. You should never be ashamed of who you are. After all you're still a person.

[@ToekneeToe]

We're not told that you're suppose to have sex to be happy. Only the media portray it that way. In many Asian cultures, sex is not the as important.

[@therocpd]

im glad asexuals are now having visability I am polysexual but I beleive that everyone should respect a persons sexuality, which is why I was so disheartened when at the NUS (national union of students in the uk) national LGBT confrence voted down a proposal to allow asexuals to become members

[@BornAgainCarnivore]

I just realized the therapist looks like Cortney Love, but with dark hair..

[@lunaticxx7]

Victoria being a lesbian was a total shock to me.

[@tickedoffnow]

ASEXUALITY ISN'T NEW, THE STUDY OF IT HOWEVER IS. THAT'S WHY SO MANY PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED ABOUT IT.

[@gastronomist]

It's strange how it used to be that homosexuals were considered broken. Today, someone is broken if they don't want to have sex. Joy Davidson and a lot of commenters here seems pretty threatened by it. They need to seriously think about why they react that way.

[@cuchulain55]

so what would happen to a person in one of those other sociaties if they choose never to have one and never do theoretically.

[@AHToHu9I]

Voluntary?

[@Rosumisorimu]

You are very welcome! :) I am also very glad to have met a person who doesn't obsess about sex! This world is constantly yelling - sex sex sex money money sex money sex money!!! STOP IT!!! FREAKING STOP IT ALREADY!!! There is so much more to life than those two stinkin' things, as a matter of fact those two things are soooo below things such as family, friends, food, water, air etc... Dear lord wth is happening with humanity these days.

[@JoeDaPlumber]

@glowythelugia so what exactly is it that arouses you sexually (if I may ask)? or is libido absolutely gone?

[@DontDoSadness91]

People are so annoying on this topic and just refuse to understand it. We talked about asexuality in my sexual psychology class the other day and I was upset not even my favorite professor couldn't understand it. It made me feel a little bit embarrassed to have an account on the website when everyone in the class were talking like they were weird and uneducated. These videos piss me off so much with people not getting it!

[@drealgrin]

@mega17 socially? a step up? maybe from your point of view. It's certainly a step down from mine. Anchored down? You mean they aren't enjoying life to the fullest. Our bodies completely control our emotions. They release chemicals that make us stressed or happy. It's a well known fact that sex improves the quality of life overall. Depriving yourself of the fun and health benefits of sex is ridiculous. It's like never eating foods that you like. EVER. Simply because you like them.

[@82abhilash]

You know for most people when they hit puberty sex is a top priority. Being asexual may simply mean your hormones are not in the way of developing mature committed relationship, at a young age, that can comfortably last for a lifetime. Once that foundation is set then you are in a better place where you can consider other things more rationally. Like sex and kids. Maybe that is what is happening to that couple. Feel a little envious.

[@FemmedelaCaraibe]

i think that they need to do an update on these people ....

[@SilverWynterSpirit]

Well, I just wanted to correct you. I just siad whatever because I've had arguments with people on wether black and white are colors, and I didn't feel like going through that again. So I just added in that last line. lol.

[@cavejourney]

If I could take a pill to become asexual I would take it.

[@Boolglunk]

@asubjectiveopinion There actually is. There's a video of a sex therapist explaining asexuality the way it should be explained (mostly, it was little confusing at first) on an Australian morning show. The hosts were the immature ones though.

[@yasashii89]

lol the interviewer sure makes me realize im not asexual xD

[@glowythelugia]

@joedaplumber It doesn't quite work that way. I've had sexual relationships before which left me unhappy. But it's not that I'm asexual because they left me unhappy. They left me unhappy because I am asexual. The orientation takes prerequisite. It's not a matter of finding the person who's right for you; there is no such thing for an asexual, at least sexually speaking.

[@_captainmagic]

WHY does everyone have to reproduce? I think it's fine that many people live life childfree. In any case, some Asexuals, who won't even have sex for making biological children but still look forward to making a family, can always adopt. I think it's a win a win for a lot of people. There are so many kids who are in need of a home, and some Asexual couples can provide that for them.

[@LauraTeAhoWhite]

I'm Asexual/Pansexual (personality over gender). I guess Asexual's prefer simpler things such as touch, a hug, holding hands, a light kiss here and there, a hand on the shoulder or a pat on the back, but that's pretty much it. Relationships shouldn't be purely based on sex anyway, its about looking out for each other and standing side by side together. That stupid doctor, what about Asexuals that have been raped or molested? Pleasurable my ass.

[@jdk946]

@crackwhen Not to be bashing what you feel, I'm sure asexuality is a true phenomena but how can you know it from being 5? You don't become properly aware of your sexuality until you are an older child or teenager, surely.

[@oywidapoodles]

I find all these videos made from the perspectives of sexuals for other sexuals (as if there were no asexuals watching) kind of fascinating, if not often offensive. It's interesting to see what sexuals expect other sexuals to want to see on the subject,... if that makes any sense 0.o

[@Rosumisorimu]

Same with me :) So no worries :) You are welcome!

[@Rosumisorimu]

No, UNFORTUNATELY I am not :( I wish I was :) But certainly I'm making a big progress in terms of reducing my sex drive :) But I love you asexual people! You are the most awesome and purest people in the world IMO :) I'll always be glad to introduce asexual friends such as you all around the world! :)

[@Jay32954]

'its kinda fun to break that rule' FTW

[@SilverWynterSpirit]

While most people are only red, green, or violet blind, there are totally color blind people that see in black and white. You can argue that those are colors but what ever.

[@glowythelugia]

@JoeDaPlumber I'm not particularly curious, no, because I don't feel the need to be aroused. There isn't really a point to me doing so; it's physical and in no way emotional. Asexuality does not however mean that I'm incapable of showing romantic love. I currently have a boyfriend who I've been with for several years and we're doing quite well together. Being asexual isn't a hindrance to forming relationships unless the other party bases the relationship on sex and sex alone.

[@Darksunshinerain87]

@nicks210684 I know. Her opinion is also awfully unprofessional and biased. She's pretty much lashing out at them angrily, like "how dare they declare themselves something?" Her fascist statements don't end. She's incredibly close-minded herself, even if she calls them close-minded.

[@larfilms]

please edit

[@nicks210684]

The sex therapist's opinion is hardly surprising. A sex therapist claiming no one is asexual is like a car salesperson saying that everyone is into cars.

[@JyginsGreenBird]

@Jusplais I tried so hard to make sense of that comment...

[@undeadheart66]

For those who say they'd love to be asexual: yes, it has its perks, but would you want to be alone, guaranteed, for ALL your life? Trust me, finding an asexual companion is very very rare.

[@RetroJenny]

I will be just like your aunt. I am 31 and have never had a relationship nor do I care to have one. I have nver felt the need for intimacy for some reason since I was a child.

[@Ihopyourpancakes]

@onilunchbox Yes, people who are members of very strict or shaming religions often have sexual issues. Many women have a hard time being intimate with their husbands because they can't relax their muscles enough. It's a common problem among those sectors of our society.

[@anardun]

lol, I was exactly thinking that!

[@Rosumisorimu]

Yes it WAS that bad. And now it is getting slowly under control more and more :) yaaaay! (Basically it seems to be related to some physical health problem I had, it is nothing serious but apparently have been playing with my hormones all along). And I'm glad that it doesn't bother you, you are oviously just a normal person, I wasn't :D But am apparently getting there :D I'm going to explode out of happiness if this diet/protocol works out fully for me! And it looks promising! :D

[@lexy659]

I fully support any and every type of sexuality due to the fact that you fall in love with a person not based on their gender but personality and I think that's what society doesn't understand just as long as you love someone and they love you too you should be allowed to have every given right as a straight person

[@wisesatyr72]

Why wasnt Morrissey interviewed on the subject? He's the king of asexuality.

[@deemoore97]

It's scary to think that that pill is now a thing. Except it will most likely be forced upon aces rather than a choice

[@andrewfield4072]

Not really. It doesn't cause sexual attraction, just drive/arousal from what I understand. Despite what many think, flibanserin isn't really the asexuality killer it's cracked up to be. As far as it being forced onto aces goes, I don't think any psychiatrist with respect for their field would try to, "cure" asexuality.