Ashens Christmas Special 2019

[@susannaaaa]

'if I can't get to poundland next year' prophetic

[@PSIHedgehogChris]

Little did he know, that that would be the last Christmas the world ever spent not in a pandemic.

[@Genghis_of_Swans]

@@PSIHedgehogChrisexcept we’re not in a pandemic right now? Lmao

[@VadersFist95]

​@@PSIHedgehogChriswhat?

[@Nitrinoxus]

"It isn't Christmas until you've called a taxi, and it's inexplicably blown up." Sounds more like New Year's to me.

[@shane6955]

Stuart. If you have a B&M bargains near you, seek out their clear plastic nativity scene. At a press of a button it lights up and a choir songs at you menacingly. It is Christmas meets Omen. You will love it!

[@gilliantague]

This sounds perfect! I have a B&M near me but it'd probably take too long to send, if I were able to find it. I hope he gets it though! I would get one too but by the sound of it it would terrify my cat. 😅

[@shane6955]

gilliantague It would terrify your cat. However you will find it funny and daft!

[@mogmason6920]

I imagine there is someone out there who thinks “Dies Irae, Dies Illa” is a christmas carol!

[@EddieHawkinsII]

Do we get the clear plastic Patrick Troughton getting impaled by the weather vane?

[@69inetails]

Oh butts sounds like something you see in the omen 4....

[@tomandrews5364]

I think we need a whole video just dedicated to the Christmas colouring book 🤣

[@SquishyZoran]

Yes! I love how these big coloring books have stuff that makes no sense and all different kind of art styles.

[@TheCarDemotic]

I would love to see a video dedicated to low quality poundland coloring books

[@garthvader9916]

I concur.

[@trevorrandom]

We can only hope!

[@cyberleaderandy1]

It showed up in 2022 Christmas as well 😀😀😀

[@jacobnion2525]

This is the true meaning of christmas. Alone in my room on a friday evening watching Ashens whilst eating sushi from Aldi.

[@saraschmidt5612]

I love how the one elf in the jumper is forever trapped in a t-pose.

[@alechuntsman9524]

eternal dominance

[@Ryan-og3xq]

“Piss the low poly penguin” should become a channel mascot

[@HMJ66]

Piss the low poly penguin, lived by Norwich ground, And frolicked in the pissing rain in the Norwich land of pound Little Stuart Ashen, loved that rascal Piss And brought him elves and pineapples, and other tatty stuff!

[@Ryan-og3xq]

HMJ66 YES! now we have a song great work

[@lydiamacintyre3729]

yeeesh

[@stephencoldbear]

He already has too many mascots. The Silver Skull, Chef Excellence, The Sad Onion...

[@MittenzandCash8929]

Ashens is like a Christmas tradition to me at this point...

[@therunawaykid6523]

Chelle yeah me too, Halloween special, Easter special, Halloween special, Christmas special and of course the wonderful Christmas advent calendars

[@genderlesswhale2868]

Turkey, grape juice, pavlova, Ashens, fruit tarts, the malevolent presence of Michael Buble. Tis' the season.

[@fuzer909]

@haven oludawole Me too, Ashens is now tradition.

[@harleyjune]

Back for my yearly Ashens tradition

[@CIubDuck]

That low poly penguin is actually pretty sick

[@exmaarmaca]

Looks like a secret character from Virtual Fighter on the 32X.

[@Sampler19]

I want a computer game with him in it.

[@Churchgrimm]

Low Poly Penguin is a decent band name.

[@Leetgrain]

Oh no! Do I need to get it some medicine?

[@LeviathanRX]

It's terminal

[@10scottdan]

Elf buddies: We feel no pain. Also elf buddies: My pain is infinite. THEY'VE SHOWN WEAKNESS, NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO REBEL!

[@tictacmothma]

Yes, their pain is infinite, but they don't feel the infinite pain. They have the CIPA disease or something.

[@MinaF99]

You need to go through that entire coloring book

[@SsnakeBite]

Seriously, I would watch that. I would *live* that. I would *become* that.

[@riabouchinska]

Yes we need to see it! It's just so intriguingly, unnecessarily bizarre

[@sarahh7212]

Please

[@MrBigdude912]

For real, I was in fucking tears from laughing so hard

[@Jackalblade9]

I am in absolute agreement!

[@ImGonnaLive4eva]

It feels like the tat has become self aware. Like it’s not genuine tat any more, it’s just tat for tats sake.

[@CarrotConsumer]

Yeah, it feels oddly artificial and it makes me feel uneasy.

[@joefell5311]

Strong with the Force this tat.

[@plushifoxed]

everything is self aware and shit these days, it sucks. everyone thinks they've gotta be clever and sarcastic or whatever... bring back stuff thats really painfully sincere and weird

[@jens9284]

Fight for tat rights

[@silverschannel8578]

@@plushifoxed yeah it's like why The Room is weird and endearing, while Sharknado is phoney and stupid... but in tat form

[@TheLichruler]

Uuuuh, Ashens? You might have accidentally bought a small grenade... Not a silver pineapple.

[@Lakita2880]

Well, I mean it could be a pineapple grenade

[@cclyon]

The pineapple grenade of Festivus.

[@pintobean4919]

@@Lakita2880 or spongebob glitterd his house to be festive! Squidward thinks its tacky and wants him dead!

[@SoratheWonderful]

Llamas are the current new “unicorn” fad they are everywhere

[@sakken95]

When I was choosing my tree form the garden centre, there were those llama decorations all over the place. Very strange indeed.

[@SoratheWonderful]

Sakke I’ve seen decorations and like candy boxes of them

[@therunawaykid6523]

Yeah at the Redditch Poundland in the uk they had llama droppings (which were actually chocolate covered raisins)

[@doubtful_seer]

SoratheWonderful ....they’re wat

[@queermilkshake9990]

Coz Llamas seriously don't exist and thus hold the majesty of the unicorn

[@paper__crane]

I was just waiting for that penguin to start saying SUPER HOT. SUPER HOT.

[@ChrisLeeW00]

SUPER COLD. SUPER COLD.

[@JamieLikesGames]

I get the reference. I approve. Have a like.

[@foopthehoop3103]

‘We feel no pain’ 1 minute later ‘My pain is infinite and forever’

[@SorowFame]

Maybe they killed The Toymaker because he could feel pain and was therefore imperfect.

[@AP-uj2fg]

Me

[@axolotllan]

I want fabulous duck!

[@tncorgi92]

It is rather majestic.

[@riabouchinska]

Me too... I also kind of covet Merry Christmas Bombed-Out Shell of a Taxi. IDK, something about it speaks to me

[@Silver_Specter]

go to pound land then

[@axolotllan]

@Sassy The Sasquatch thats okay i read pelican's comment as a reply to yours and got a giggle.

[@cclyon]

I also want the Llama. He's quite festive.

[@GreebleClown]

"bombed out shell of a taxi" My first thought was "Bonnie and Clyde last-stand vehicle"

[@AtticusGrim]

Sometimes when watching Stuart's videos I'll suddenly remember he's actually Stuart Ashen, PhD.

[@caramelldansen2204]

I don't believe you and also wholly believe you at the same time

[@rachaelb9331]

"It's like Rupauls Drag Race, except different in every way" is such a multi - use phrase

[@IanC14]

It works in any circumstance

[@sirprintalot]

@Roderick storey "It's like RuPaul's Drag Race".

[@abitalbot6116]

I truly believe that Ashens is the sole reason why Poundland outran Poundworld ect. Anyway, great video, got me in the Christmas mood!

[@miamimercenary]

It is call poundland for a reason. I give you a hint it is not just the price of tat.

[@abitalbot6116]

@@miamimercenary What?

[@lil-dt5dw]

@@miamimercenary wtf

[@incandescentwithrage]

@@miamimercenary crazy fool

[@Porkey_Minch]

@Randy F Because just like Mario, Land is inferior to World?

[@sockmonkey13]

Blonic the Hodgeheg really made me laugh.

[@Mr72Dolphins]

Jesus died for a sad, brown, talking couch.

[@CraigUntlNytTym]

Did he?

[@Jesse__H]

And when his followers rolled back the stone, lo! Stewart Ashen emerged.

[@DiggerjohnKansas]

He was born for the sofa, He died for Slep.

[@ChristmasCrustacean1]

fun fact, it was originally pure white

[@deanlahaye6559]

Jesse H. 😂😂

[@shellbacksclub]

i rewatch all of his Christmas specials every year. It's become a tradition. Merry Christmas Ashens!

[@alexdavis5766]

I do them in the days after Christmas when no one knows what day it is etc

[@Thanatos--]

Forget Santa, I wait for Gubbins Claus to come from across the pond.

[@riotgrrl9218]

You know it's a 2019 apocalyptic Christmas special when your ultimate present and joy is cheapo things recorded for you by Ashens

[@lhaviland8602]

Profile pic checks out.

[@riotgrrl9218]

@@lhaviland8602 If you want a Christmas present

[@yakadoodledongywongy8718]

You don't blowtorch enough things these days.

[@tncorgi92]

I said that about the advent calendars. Pretty much everything in them this year is torch-worthy.

[@yakadoodledongywongy8718]

@@tncorgi92 The blowtorch makes everything better.

[@kevinm5940]

When he specifically pointed out that the ornament shouldn't be near heat, I was fully expecting him to burn it.

[@yakadoodledongywongy8718]

@@kevinm5940 he needs a bigger blowtorch he could do bulk burns.

[@OrdinaryJack1912]

I agree. Let the crap burn.

[@Jeddostotle7]

*Father Christmas found dead* Naked, shaved and vandalized body found in Norfolk alleyway

[@Mrflash222006]

Mrs claus looks suspiciously like the fairy godmother from shrek

[@Ren-Rwem-Ren]

Shhhhhh... they dont need to know 😉😉

[@PatchezMcBean]

I was thinking the same thing! Glad I saw your comment before making one about it lol

[@about37ninjas]

"You can't just give foodstuffs random colours" American confectioners: "Hold my burger"

[@sebastianlacroix5871]

Omg it's Arthur Yahtzee! I love your webcomic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@groovylobster]

"OH NO *I'M INEXPLICABLY INFLATING AGAIN"* _"How embarrasing"_

[@Athawolfus]

Wait. At what point is this taking place?

[@MattyFurious]

"I have the head of the 3rd one, in cardboard." - Ashens

[@kittydoescosplay2416]

Don’t mind me, I’m just listening to ashens reading a Christmas story in July. 😂 2020 is bad enough, I don’t care anymore.

[@TheHutchy01]

At least it's November for me so I can pretend it's because it's nearly christmas not because we're still living in hell.

[@Morgan-tn2pk]

E hasn't uploaded a Christmas one yet so im watching an old one :)

[@Cybertitan129]

Always coming back to this video each year. Absolutely love when he gets completely sidelined by the coloring book.

[@latrodecta_888]

The Elf Mates scream 'beautiful gay Californian couple who always outdo everyone else with decorating their house for Christmas'

[@michaelbarron8495]

Surprisingly, you passed right over what looks like big staring eyes on the kid's romper at 22:55. And yes, I now want to see more of this screwed-up colo(u)ring book. That closer had me guffawing.

[@Exowave1]

when Stuart opened the Christmas colouring book and I saw the same artist as last time in there, I actually screamed. I've literally never been so happy to see something return. I desperately wanted him to spend like 12 more minutes just going through that book like last time

[@IanC14]

Last time?

[@lhaviland8602]

@@IanC14 YOU MUST WATCH 2016!

[@FredCheckers]

Mario has to carry that penguin back to it's mother.

[@georgepatrick4339]

Love a good Poundland Christmas 🎄 A Merry Austerity Christmas to all

[@exmaarmaca]

Austerirty christmas sounds as something the goverment would say and below the table do extremely expensive stuff.

[@Foxiology]

It's a gift made by Rees-Moggs personal elf XD

[@samvimes9510]

_"Ooh it smells really odd, that's nice."_

[@geoleo965]

*Ashens:* the Santa that keeps us giving stuff we've never asked for, but yet, we totally deserve!

[@harrycambridge1988]

My favourite Ashens episode of the year! Been a fan for almost a decade now and it wouldn’t be Christmas without this! 🎄

[@GrimnirReaper]

I just want to say I found this channel about a week ago and have watched what feels like half of it since then. ...I'm not addicted! YOU ARE!

[@YokiDokiPanic]

A bit late to the party, but welcome to the magical wonderful world of cheap tat, ancient electronics, and expired foods!

[@lil-dt5dw]

@@YokiDokiPanic its never too late to bask the majesty of the sofa.

[@xianbc]

Elf on the Shelf makes me uncomfortable. Bentham's panopticon with a touch of holiday flare.

[@MittenzandCash8929]

xianbc I’ve really never thought of it like that... now you mention it... 😂😂

[@Agent-cy5yb]

I have an elf that my grandma gave me. I remember her putting it up every year and said it would watch us and know if we were bad. But it is not a free standing one like the new ones, it is inside of a plastic lantern with holly in it.

[@nicholastosoni707]

You really think _that's_ bad? Elves on Shelves are quantum locked, like their more malevolent sisters, the Weeping Angels of old.

[@whichhats]

the elf t-posing in the background is oddly intimidating

[@LilLeanCuisine]

Asserting dominance

[@tiborklein5349]

He's establishing dominance...

[@Chaos89P]

I think it's the aggressiveness of the T-pose that's intimidating you.

[@mr.bobcyndaquil4214]

I'm not worried. I survived Bearded Expense.

[@Joppy5100]

He's going to have glitter on the sofa for all of eternity from this

[@justanotherpiccplayer3511]

It didn’t say “I’m a reliable reindeer” and I got confused

[@Lakita2880]

IM A RELIABLE REINDEER!

[@cryotek3624]

The elfmates are possessed by the reliable reindeer who is also Legion.

[@Myrvold]

I actually got 0.34% disappointed with that missing.

[@Chaos89P]

I just felt like everything is right with the world again. That "reliable" reindeer is proving to be anything but.

[@geoserenity]

You must be new around here...

[@dingdongbells3314]

15:25 As an author, everything about this alleged "children's book" bothered me. What kind of award winning children's author could write something so boring, soulless, dry, and shallow? Surely, the author was some sad sap trapped in a sketchy contract with her publisher where they have permission to slap her name on basically anything, even corporate advertisements. Obviously, the real author was some intern at the company's public relations office who crapped this abomination out in a single afternoon and submitted it to his boss 3 days after it was due. But no, if you carefully look at that About the Author section, you'll very clearly see that this individual is the company CEO of the Elf on a Shelf makers, supposedly working for Santa (if the dubious claims of this page I've time stamped are to be believed). So yes, it was obviously written by the real, soulless, money grubbing CEO author. But who was it *illustrated* by? Is it a product of Santa's elves learning basic 3D modeling and unity asset store theft, I wonder?

[@ArTiC_727]

Could say the same thing about this if im honnest. More of a vocal protest than a criticism.

[@harleyjune]

I read that as "supposedly working for Satan" and to be honest it wouldn't surprise me

[@edenmarlowe2385]

@@ArTiC_727 if we're making this a chain, I can say the same about you, wearing an anonymous mask (referencing v for vendetta) while playing roblox makes you seem like a dull template of the standard Edgelord in SoCiEtY

[@Drew_42]

Jerma was right.

[@asteroidrules]

It looks suspiciously like it's purely an advertisement. The "story" was just hawking the full line of Elf on a Shelf products, most of the "illustrations" appear to have been taken from their box art. It's absolutely disgusting to think that someone could treat this as a real children's book.

[@skillzguy30]

Christmas tat, such fun.

[@nicolamoir8839]

*SUCH FUN*

[@Jesse__H]

_SUCH FUN_

[@IanC14]

I heard that in the voice of Mirandas mother from, well, Miranada

[@draketungsten74]

"Does it shed any light on this?" No, that's what the candle's for.

[@TheLondonLass]

I'm worried about how much I like those tree decorations especially the pizza and the donut!

[@The_Last_Norman]

"Terryfying child trapping father Christmas's severed head in a big spiders web" LOL

[@Alucard-gt1zf]

I expected a reliable reindeer

[@davidlittlewood2860]

10/10 was expecting the same thing.

[@Myrvold]

Turned out, it wasn't so reliable :/

[@talkshushigeisha]

"you haven't defined terms" - that hit me on a personal level as a final year phd....

[@BritishBloke246]

His “nightshirt” looks like what the kids wore in concentration camps

[@Electroporcupine]

The Elf In The Striped Pyjamas

[@beez1717]

Flower Power3 Sadly I thought the same thing!

[@IAAFMIG]

Hit the gas boi

[@ggonzale69]

“That seem fairly straightforward.” It’s almost as-if Stuart is a real, normal human being!

[@mim0381]

I think the couch has contracted a virulent case of Christmas herpes aka ornament glitter

[@ordelian7795]

A rave girl orgasmed on it.

[@ItzzFuZZioNZZ]

Otto Niittymäki 😂😂

[@theflyingcrud]

Virulent? I think you might mean terminal

[@mim0381]

@@theflyingcrud you're probably right

[@phantomhurricane666]

i always have plenty of xmas spirit. gin, vodka, rum, beer, whiskey, etc...

[@CoinsAndCapsaicin]

*IS IN DANGER* *Screams and throws tiny sparkling pineapple*

[@SirBlueWhale]

*"I DON'T KNOW YOOUUU"*

[@QlueDuPlessis]

Isn't "pineapple" an American euphemism for "grenade"?

[@Kae.the.Selkie]

@@QlueDuPlessis no, it's a type of granade that looks a bit like a bumpy pineapple.

[@jamesbrown4092]

@Michael O Callaghan - was that the episode where he invaded Poland then got the pineapple shoved up his bum?

[@ddhu5396]

As an American and long time fan of Ashens I am so, so tempted to track down that Poundland gift ornament and I don't even put a tree up every year...

[@apricity4290]

The Christmas llama looked like it’s had it’s head welded back on.

[@mattmatt1302]

the art of those elf mates dolls has an unconfortable smug anime girl feel to it.

[@CrythornMadness]

arent the elf mates just rip off of snap crackle pop, rice crispies characters?

[@ChrisLeeW00]

You better watch it or I'm telling Santa.

[@kris7500]

I thought they might've copied the colour palets from the Mario brothers with the blonde on being a Wario colour palet

[@8ight8ight12]

"The shell of a bombed out taxi" ... seems accurate for 2019 London.

[@Ikarias1]

Maybe they are reusing the old mold for traditional irish chrismas ornament, who knows.

[@Curtisstollery]

I see Kellogs suing over, the Elf mates, for looking like Snap, Crackle and pop.

[@fritzy8318]

Awkward comma placements there mate Should read ‘I can see Kelloggs suing over the Elf Mates for looking like Snap,Crackle and Pop.’

[@GorillazFan-]

@@fritzy8318 sure grammar nazi correcting everybody's smallest mistakes you are an amazing guy!

[@Anime12345freak]

The Merry Berry is cause she actually likes alcohol in baking quite a bit

[@Laxora_NZ]

Shit, I'm early...I have missed the hello-ho-ho during the advent horror this year, so great to hear it again for this year!

[@AlpakaWhacker]

22:04 I think it's because Merry Berry, in addition to being a judge on Bake off, is also known for liking a good drink and when using alcohol in cooking, usually uses a lot.

[@fadorka]

"Everybody is having fun except everyone" damn I felt that

[@itsalexbruh95]

Official Ashens Christmas jumper that says "hello-ho-ho" pls

[@LadyBrightcynder]

I'd watch an entire series of Ashens reading children's books and veering off into random tangents and silly voices.

[@therunawaykid6523]

Lady Brightcynder yeah I think we need ashens audio books

[@jamesbarnousky1270]

I feel like it's been a whole year since I heard "Hello ho-ho!".

[@Nitr09]

Ashens goes to the same poundland I do sometimes. Huh.

[@deathsyth8888]

How can you tell? If you've been to one Poundland, you've been to them all.

[@Nitr09]

@@deathsyth8888 He mentioned going to the one near Norwich football stadium, which I visit all the time. But you're right, I've been to poundlands all over the country and they all have such a sense of familiarity it's kinda trippy.

[@Haybalemelonhead]

It’s the one at riverside noice

[@PSIHedgehogChris]

Everyone's talking about the reliable reindeer and I'm sitting here trying to figure out the joke to that card with Kim Jong-Il/Un, Donald Trump, and Vladimir Putin as elves.

[@EsmeMarion]

maybe a "HAHA WWIII" joke?

[@temmie621]

It's weird not hearing "Oi'm a reloiable reindeea" with that intro

[@DragonNexus]

I just love that beautiful sound of instant defeatist misery at 11:30 when he realises he doesn't actually care.

[@ukcoinsforever7419]

My whole year has been waiting for this Christmas tat video and now it has come I'm so happy 😂😂😂😁😁😁😁🎄🎄🎄🎄

[@onionfragments]

This is the hardest I think I’ve ever laughed from an Ashens vid. Something about all the Santa Jokes and the way he shouts “THE CELLOPHANE BAG”

[@Caledon91]

I actually like those weird colored food ornaments.

[@reecelamarra7156]

3:45 🤣🤣🤣🤣 all you really need is a fabulous duck!!!! This guy is too funny

[@xyanide1986]

This is one of your best Christmas specials, holy shit that book.

[@dennisfox5651]

Happy holidays to the Ashens family and many more. Thank you for being the best you tube channel and all the great entertainment !

[@muhammadalfatih2640]

When I was a kid I asked my mother what "this"(I do not recall what I was holding) cost. She said that it cost a pound. I then asked if everything cost a pound here(poundland). She said yes. I was so shocked.

[@sfighter0085]

Great special this year. I think I've ornaments like that in my local "JoAnn's Fabrics", but one that caught my eye hardcore was an ornament of a six pack bottle beer. Yeah of all the festive imagery they could've chose, they chose beer. Because everyone knows that Christmas is a time to get super hammered. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas Stuart, to you and your family. 🎄

[@drunkenhobo8020]

I was wondering why I wasn't feeling very Christmassy this year. I needed my annual Ashens special to get me in the spirit of mindless consumerism and worthless tat.

[@ViewbobTrue]

Good god Ashens, I am so glad that even after some 13-almost 14 years, you are still so funny! Been catching each upload since about 2011, here's to 14 years more! Merry Christmas!

[@thewhovianwithasmallcollec7319]

AND THEY WERE ELF-MATES

[@jobblejosh9713]

Oh my God they were elf-mates

[@DASyam-tb7qt]

Happy Christman! Merry Chrysler! Merry Crisis!

[@Lord_Williams]

Totally out of context but “While I’m fiddling with these damn dolls” just sounds so bad at 11:55 in. You doll fiddler you lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 absolutely want that as my ringtone. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@leonyoungs463]

18:32 “A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON...”

[@tehee-]

Today is my Birthday, so I'm totally accepting this video as a birthday gift. Happy Christmas Ashens and tat-loving friends.

[@terrandroid]

Merry Poundland

[@TeresaHutchinson1982]

The elf mates look like snap,crackle and pop off the rice krispies cereal lol

[@trippydrew8492]

One day I will bump into you in a Poundland. It will happen. I always pop into the one up Riverside on my walk home from work to pick up a cheap drink and bite to eat!!

[@onedirectioninfection5756]

as an american who watched the great british bakeoff, i'd absolutely die of laughter if i got that mary berry card

[@brian5514]

Merry Christmas lads

[@LilLeanCuisine]

It’s not Christmas yet

[@Fluffyolphert]

Lil Lean Cuisine Calm down Einstein

[@sirspookybones1118]

Merry Christmas lads and ladies, we've got only a few days left now

[@hamishchapman9958]

Merry Christmas to you my guy

[@swanningabout]

@@Fluffyolphert pissflaps

[@mceggalds5853]

I watched your old videos since i was 6 years old. I'm 11 now and im so glad i found your channel again and that it's still funny as ever.

[@the_black_square]

The "Elf mates" are just Snap, Crackle and Pop

[@BigBearMan]

The noise he made when trying to get the cobbler into the night clothes made me laugh until I cried. The sheer exasperation expressed in a couple of seconds of noises just gets to me.

[@TheMarioManiac]

Poundland is a gift and a curse

[@Cheemma]

I lost it at "Jacob Rees-Mogg's personal elf" hahahahaha