Pirate DVD Showcase 3 | Ashens

[@OliverKCohen]

"Bought it for son as he request" Words to live by

[@Agumon5]

Stewart will go down in KZbin history as one of the greatest content creators of our generation.

[@TheCheekPunisher]

This is the Zodiac speaking

[@OliverKCohen]

@@TheCheekPunisher I bet his name was Arthur Loigh Allen

[@UberNeuman]

"It's not the bootleg he deserves but it's the one he needs."

[@Gnomelotte]

That line should really become a meme. :-D

[@classicangus4097]

I'm surprised you didn't notice on the cover for the dark knight batman had a milk moustache. The pic was taken from a got milk ad lmao.

[@LilNucleus]

Classic Angus I know I actually just noticed that when I went onto Google and search that got milk Batman and found this out LOL

[@Dee_Just_Dee]

Holy crap! It's tough to spot at a glance thanks to the low resolution, but you're absolutely right! 😂

[@JVOFH123]

Glad someone else noticed

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

I had to go back, pause it and enlarge it to full screen but there it is. :)

[@Zerobob26]

You are indeed correct, which cements its position as the best DVD cover in existence.

[@HeadsetGuy]

"Bought it for son as he request" was, in fact, an Amazon review. The title was "Bought it for son", and the reviewer gave it one star. One person found the review helpful. EDIT: Okay, since some people don't believe me, it's on the UK Amazon, not the US.

[@user-ny5vp9be8v]

Source?

[@stefanocampelli2694]

I call for help from the Ashens' followers! Let's us all upvote that two years old Amazon review!

[@Thebossstage1]

I need that source

[@gunnartenan3893]

Headset Guy Source please?

[@ShadowOfNexxus]

Actually not true i checked all amazon reviews it was maybe removed but definitely doesn't exist anymore

[@timthememer2785]

Oh yes, David Finchor! He dirocted one of my favourite movies, Foght Clob!

[@Tubeite]

Have you seen the rip off version of that called Thot Club.

[@mitchh3092]

Boy, no love for So7on?

[@dannystavs2003]

XD That comment is legendary!

[@WH250398]

You don't tolk obout Foght Clob.

[@Whoa802]

​@@WH250398 I'm a huge fan of The Gome.

[@TheGoldSwordSquad]

“Some men just wanna buy for son because he request”

[@Reynsoon]

WE LIVE IN A BOUGHT IT FOR SON BECAUSE HE REQUEST BOTTOM TEXT

[@raymondpjoyce]

hes like a wild dog wouldnt know what to buy for son if he requested it

[@Mick_92]

this says a lot about our socie

[@WH250398]

Ha... Ha... Hee... Hee... Haa... I thought my grammar was bad.

[@bcsb]

If, tomorrow, I tell the cashier that, like, I'm buying a movie because I want to see it, or because I have fond memories of the film, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan". But when I say that I'm buying for son as he request, WELL THEN EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS!!!

[@zh84]

The blurb for "G" is taken from the user-submitted plot summary for the film on the IMDB. At least, the start of it is. Then it goes a bit mad...

[@PHANTOMCOWGIRL]

COMPLEX TRIANGULAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK!!!

[@coyoteartist]

Funny I've heard that as a description of the actual book The Great Gatsby. The Then it goes a bit mad bit.

[@jlferris5995]

It's honestly not wrong.

[@burp2019]

*COMPLEX TRIANGULAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK!!!*

[@Del129]

The Batman knock off cover comes from a "Got Milk" advertisement. If you look closely, you can make out a milk mustach on Batman.

[@oliviasmith9033]

The disc with the tiny Taken sticker is the funniest thing I've seen all week 😂

[@fornaxian]

COMPLEX TRIANGULAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK!

[@Meximagician]

HIT THE LEVER! (why do I feel like that was a conditioned response?)

[@Offensive_Username]

C-C-C-COMPLEX TRIANGULAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK!

[@Redhotsmasher]

Sounds like bootleg subtitles (a la "Backstroke of the West" or whatever it was called) tried to literally translate the name of an attack in an anime or something.

[@pascalfarful952]

Sounds like something you'd yell before a freetime jazz improvisation.

[@YTDeepshock]

@@pascalfarful952 Or an elaborate 3 person combination attack against a giant rampaging kaiju.

[@IxodesPersulcatus]

I once found a Chinese pirate DVD with literal Lorem Ipsum text written on the back of the box.

[@andymadden8183]

I once tried to translate part of Lorem Ipsum. Google Translate decided it said "Clinical Is.".

[@TheBrianJ]

I used to play bass for Complex Triangular Relationship Break.

[@DriIfty]

The Dark Knight Movie Reviews: "Amazing movie!" "5 Stars! Watched with kids!" "Amazing quality! Loved it!" "Bought for son as he request"

[@CJODell12]

Still more trustworthy than the fake 10 star reviews for Oogieloves on IMDB.

[@WH250398]

I honestly think the IMDB reviews on The Dark Knight are completely ridiculous. It's great, but... 9/10 avarage???

[@CJODell12]

But Oogieloves is universally regarded as a terrible movie that insults the intelligence of its audience. There's a reason the Razzies nominated it for Worst Picture.

[@DeckyStrikesBack]

"Never arrived" "Return process was straightforward "

[@DeckyStrikesBack]

@@CJODell12 funny you mention That, I noticed yesterday it is now a 6.2 on IMDB!

[@shieldssafc]

I like jam and cream on my doloted scones

[@dutrius3118]

Mmmmm... Cornish Clottod Croam and Jam Scones.

[@DASyam-tb7qt]

Fock

[@davovovovovovo]

Preferably with a dinner of roast boof preceding it?

[@sh1leshk4]

@@davovovovovovo With Shia LeBoof?

[@5roundsrapid263]

In America, we make them savory and call them boscoits.

[@TheWoundedFoot]

16:11 Surprised they didn't notice that Taken's running time is listed as "Hour 89 Minutes 20299".

[@jaysshittyvideos3039]

I know I'm 6 years late, but 20299 minutes is ~338 hours, plus 89 hours is 427 hours. Meaning according to the box the movie is ~18 days long.

[@Halfpipesaur]

Please put "Bought it for son as he request" on the DVD release of the Polybius Heist

[@HO-bndk]

And include doletod scones as a special feature!

[@rolfs2165]

@@HO-bndk Hmm, scones ... :9

[@Alex-fv2qs]

Featuring Stusrl Ashon

[@30thcenturyhomer]

@@HO-bndk do you mean deleted scenes

[@30thcenturyhomer]

@@rolfs2165 you mean scenes

[@lokp7]

i could spend the whole day watching their reaction to the broken english in these DVDs, unfortunally there aren't many of these episodes

[@LeafseasonMagbag]

You can wait for the next one. It will come in anywhere from one month, to three years.

[@nadiayorc]

Doletod Scones Zodiac Deciphorod honestly made me produce tears from laughing so much

[@andrewflashchannelgibbs5384]

I am living in Shenzhen and we have high quality packaging on the pirate dvds. Also, where they used to be sold in plain sight, I now have go to a special door and go into a “secret dvd shop.” Makes it much more exciting.

[@Roadent1241]

LIke a 'black market' of DVDs?

[@andrewflashchannelgibbs5384]

Roadent1241 Yes: I went to the usual shop and found no knock off dvds- shock. The owner then said “dvd?” After my reply I followed her to the sixth floor, past the nail bar to a bare steel door. She gave the special knock and there was the shop! All laid out as before- categorised and labelled, except moved lock, stock and barrel to the hidden room on the sixth floor.

[@cultistofgyarloth]

Makes me wonder if China now also has national collecting agencies that get a cut from the legitimate DVD sales, like other countries. I suspect previously they didn't have so they didn't care about piracy then, but perhaps now they do?

[@leons.kennedy2747]

That's cool. They used to sell them pretty openly in Spain but the Guardia Civil started cracking down on them and we don't see them any more :( My parents used to buy tons of them too, until they finally listened to me and realised I can pirate fucking anything in high definition at any time.

[@aqua-b7r]

Are they all this entertaining, or are these cherry picked?

[@brycevo]

I love these Bootleg movie videos. Thank you Stuart.

[@sh1leshk4]

*bootlog movie vidoos

[@ahandsomefridge]

goodmeuning

[@byebye1813]

And Alec!

[@ricksanchezsflask8794]

Stuart does not think you're welcum to watch his vidoes.

[@AnxietyAddict]

Theis ar nutural moves, jus fayke moves. Stuert welcombes all god peiple and submarines to witch his vidios ass long az they thump the vidio with lykes

[@LeafseasonMagbag]

My mother recently purchased a pirate DVD without realizing it. She apparently didn't notice the crappy sleeve it came in, the terrible photoshopping on the back, or the fact the title of the movie was WONDER WOMEN.

[@LeafseasonMagbag]

Jiggly I think I gave it to a friend for Christmas

[@licensetodrive9930]

I once saw a pirate DVD of ET, he just wasn't the same with that eye patch, wooden leg and a parrot on his shoulder squarking "Phone home!" every few minutes.

[@burp2019]

*squarking*

[@MordecaiTheAwesomeBluejay]

*Commented for son as he request*

[@TheGoldSwordSquad]

I recently found a Zorro dvd knockoff that was called Zoppo

[@GmodPlusWoW]

Sounds like a film about a clown if you ask me. Mostly because it reminds me of Zippo's Circus.

[@lawrencecalablaster568]

Probably translated using an alphabet in which "r" looks like "p", like in Cyrillic & Greek.

[@hexyko4850]

@@lawrencecalablaster568 Definitely the case. In Cyrillic "Z" is "З" but "Z" is often used for stylistic purposes and in the case of Zorro, it's inevitable.

[@grimTales1]

Sounds like a long lost Marx Brother :p

[@sinisterteaser4464]

Soppy

[@papayer]

even the couch is bootleg! damn stuart, you really get in the role every time don't you?

[@Meme_Lor]

Nice pfp

[@jonothanthrace1530]

My favorite Hendrik song is "Are You Experienc"

[@TheGlitched64Reads2]

You guys never heard of Dolotod Scones? Man they are great, you get some cream on those, some proper raspberry jam, oh mate, you're living it.

[@rayvenkman2087]

They are the cream of the crop.

[@lightsaberlordp373]

@@rayvenkman2087 Doletod Scones taste great with raspborry jam and clottod croam

[@BlitzPlay]

Oh my God, I couldn't make it past "The Dark Knight" box. In-tears and can't breathe. Holy shit, it's killing me. That's just plain amazing.

[@FartFace115]

"Bought it for son as he request" -Bruce Wayne...

[@h_espeliz3347]

"This is the Zodiac spoaking!"

[@Redhotsmasher]

"Listen carefully, I shall say zis önly wönce"

[@ACBlackJ0ck]

Doletod Scones is gonna be my future username

[@etrigan8544]

Mine is going to be Zodiac Dociphorod

[@fooball4589]

Johnny Takigero mine is going to be “Bought it for son as he request”

[@MysteryMii]

Mine is gonna be Dioctor David Finchor.

[@krashd]

"For the first time in 30 years we've got all 4 members of Doletod Scones in one place and they are gonna take us through some of their biggest hits."

[@rayvenkman2087]

@@krashd "Including their most successful album: This is Zodiac Spokeing."

[@jlan7844]

I think I might have found the strangest bootleg DVD, and not just by the contents but by how I acquired it. One day when I was at college I went to my car to go shopping, and when I got in I noticed something white underneath my windshield wiper. At first I thought it was a parking ticket, but it turned out to be a bootleg DVD in a plain white sleeve and a semi-well done printing on the front. But this wasn't just any old bootleg, it was a bootleg Hustler's video. To this day I still have never figured out why someone left a random bootleg porno pinned to the windshield of my car. I don't even know how long it had been there exactly, but it must have been there at least overnight since it was damp and it had rained the evening before. At least I hope that is why it was damp considering what kind of DVD it was.

[@maxscardanelli6185]

Was the actual film any good?...

[@jlan7844]

Putting a mystery DVD in my computer would have been a bad idea so I didn't, and I didn't have a dedicated player. The only reason I know it was a porno is because the disk had the Hustler's logo on it an a couple of naked women. Oh, and a "beaver hunter" joke for the title.

[@cygil1]

Drunk college kids, bought dvd for laugh, didn't really want it. Put it under random wiper. Not a big mystery, surely?

[@jlan7844]

Well if you live in an area where that kind of thing is easy to get that might be the case, but I live and went to college in a very conservative state that makes it difficult to acquire porn. I think there are only like three or four porn shops in the entire state due to the excessive taxes they put on them. So yeah, if you buy porn where I live you had to REALLY want it. Heck, the reason I know all this is because the campus I was on went into an uproar when they instituted new conduct rules that included monitoring people's internet usage to block them from accessing porn sites on their private computers. They really have a hate for porn here.

[@MrJasonMcintyre]

"Doletod Scones" 😂😂😂

[@Buretsu]

Mm-hmm. Those are my favorite, with just a bit of blockborry jolly.

[@WH250398]

@@Buretsu Oxactly

[@lightsaberlordp373]

@@WH250398 That was so funny and yos it's funny with the Diroctor

[@grimTales1]

I liko thom plain with buttor, maybo raisins, sultanas

[@AuroDHikoshi]

Can't wait for blurb which basically is a diary entry "I watched this with Colin. He tried to get me bra off"

[@Aalborg42]

"Didn't get bra off, I give it 1 star out of 5": Colin

[@archgirl]

Erling Hansen Talk about your complex triangular relationship break...

[@TheMariostarr]

This is what I live for, bootleg pirated dvds.

[@Lost_n_Found_1]

I don't know whether to laugh or just feel sorry for you.

[@WH250398]

That's quite sad actually

[@TheMariostarr]

Guys.... it was supposed to be a joke. Jesus man, this here isn't the only thing that makes me happy. Though I will admit, it is rather funny seeing people react to this comment like this.

[@WH250398]

@@TheMariostarr It's not like i'm being completely serious either XD

[@Lost_n_Found_1]

TheMariostarr You think I was serious? *WHY SO SERIOUS!?*

[@DriIfty]

"At last, quality high definittaun" - Ashens 2018

[@JordanJamesAW]

Jesus Christ, I nearly died at "This is the Zodiac Spoaking"

[@IvanKinkle]

Thought you two were holding hands! 😂

[@DVSCHEF]

that only happens when the camera is turned off

[@vanomxxx]

👬👨‍❤️‍👨🌈👬

[@trevrr]

Same

[@Jayfive276]

Pirate DVDs? Opportunity missed with the intro. "Boop beep, boop beep, beep boop, AH-HARRRRR!"

[@PanAndScanBuddy]

Or like old bootleggers, yeeeee hawww

[@harrychapman8246]

watched this video, requested by son

[@Macho_Fantastico]

Broken English, the gift that keeps on giving.

[@worldcomicsreview354]

Back when the price of DVD's dropped through the floor, I saw some official releases of low budget films with packaging just as well designed as this. And the blurbs were just copied from IMDB, sometimes abruptly truncated because they ran out of space.

[@SextonHardcastle85]

Did the Batman dvd cover just solve the zodiac murders?

[@m8lolz278]

Jako Gyllonhaal is the zodiac

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

Bloody hell, everything's solved the Zodiac Murders nowadays.

[@chuckleshelicopterwigwamjo7315]

*murdors

[@XYZB0RG]

committed by son as he request

[@WH250398]

Would love another episode of this! Absolute gold.

[@GabrielMartinez-pe6ln]

Same here

[@smnrave]

this is the best dvd showcase so far, bought it for son as he request

[@hoganbentle3582]

"Dolotod Scones, Zodiac Deciphorod!" Yells Voldemort, as he attempts to finally kill Harry Potter.

[@EmeraldLavigne]

Listening to Sequelisers while driving home. Pull up YT, click on Ashens. Who pops up? The Ploughman-Ashen Experience! 🤘🤯🤘 Life ALWAYS needs more PvA!!!

[@AidanFarren-Hart]

*You either die a hero, or you live long enough to buy it for son as he request.*

[@ChrissieBear]

G is a gangsta version of The Great Gatsby.

[@enigma776]

I do believe the Simpsons did a parody of it too.

[@CanthusOfCandE]

@@enigma776 south park did it too....we didn't the start the flame wars.

[@billymountiii5788]

It is. I looked it up

[@adrienfourniercom]

"I Woll Lok For Yo, I Woll Fond Yo...Ond I Woll Koll Yo" Classic.

[@sebastiana7252]

thank you for the amazing video Stuart, i really enjoyed it

[@HGShurtugal]

They knew who the best batman and joker are.

[@IanC14]

@Eragor 1498 yes, exactly.

[@KasumiKenshirou]

There's a KZbin video from a convention where someone asks Kevin Conroy about his thoughts on Christian Bale's Batman voice. He said something like actors need guidance from the director and that someone should've told Bale that his Batman voice sounded ridiculous. He then reads some of the dialog from those movies in his own Batman voice.

[@reallyryan_]

I've never laughed so hard "bought it for son as he request"

[@GmodPlusWoW]

Complex Triangular Relationship Break! aka one of the deeper animoos out there.

[@abzhuofficial]

I died of laughter when I saw that.

[@wolfpax181]

I have that couch. Time to get some of my DVDs and pretend I'm Stuart!

[@LambdaObjection]

That 'Dark Knight' DVD might be the best bootleg palimpsest I've ever seen

[@thekatiemonster3839]

I can’t believe ashens has made 3 20+ minutes videos dedicated to DVDs about pirates.

[@GothitallicaALT]

TheKatieMonster. Pirates are a Popular subject for films

[@maxscardanelli6185]

However this video is only 18 minutes and 40 seconds. Not 20+ minutes as you said.

[@thekatiemonster3839]

Oh no, your one of THOSE people :O

[@GhostHax0r]

@@thekatiemonster3839 you're * I win above all.

[@thekatiemonster3839]

Oh no, you’re also one of THOSE people.

[@vintagedoctorgonzo]

Screw my sleep schedule, there’s an Ashens video at quarter to 1 in the morning

[@spaghet2798]

Adam 2:50 here

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

I must admid, the hands confused me in the begining.

[@absurdjoebob]

The 15000 pounds broke me, I have been laughing for a good 15 minutes.

[@EllEmm1313]

Legally changing my name to Zodiac Deciphorod.

[@NobodyWhatsoever]

Dicorctor killed me. I don't know why nothing else made me laugh as hard.

[@rayvenkman2087]

It's like someone with a very thick accent trying to pronounce director and that's the result.

[@DevonPalmer98]

You should frame that taken disc

[@brycevo]

In a world of Gray Sofas and Pirates, we have... Bootleg movies.

[@Exowave1]

I think the part that nobody else is talking about that had me in stitches is when Stuart opened up the Taken case and it was just a cd with a shoddily placed sticker

[@muke001]

"G" was an "urban" take on the Great Gatsby that came out shortly before the one with Leonardo Dicaprio in it.

[@koenvandamme6901]

I could sure go for some tea with doletod scones.

[@Jrodsly]

Fun fact: Taken actually did come out on UMD properly, but it only came out in Europe. Not that anyone probably cares, but still.

[@imfsresidentotaku9699]

Don't act like everyone is you.

[@KasumiKenshirou]

"Finchor Diroctor's cut of Allen 3 is slightly betterthan the thoatrical cut." -no one in particular

[@Scooter_Roundwell]

Ah yes, Finchor! My favorite Masters Of The Universe character. You never saw him cos he was too busy playing in birdbaths and eating seeds to go fight Skeletor.

[@ziginox]

Doletod Scones Aaaah I can't breathe!

[@8mu-]

16:24 My Favourite Ashens Moment

[@thereisnocontenthere]

These are your most entertaining videos, please never stop sharing these bootlegs

[@jonothanthrace1530]

I'm sure somebody's made it already, but I want to see a Taken parody where it turns out his daughter is just getting married and he can't cope with the idea of her not needing him anymore.

[@Class-X198X]

This is why I've subscribed to Stuart's channel; seeing these pirated movies with Engrish descriptions is always amusing. I was in STITCHES after Deloted Scones.

[@kierancampire]

I would love if that was how movie cases were actually done *Looks at back of DVD case* "Mmmmhhh i wonder what this film is about?" "I went and saw a 5 PM showing of this movie once, it was quite good" Excellent, just what I'm in the mood for? XD

[@CJODell12]

2:02. “COMPLEX TRIANGULAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK!”

[@SteelyPhoenix21]

Local viewers represent! I am from lowestoft, but love these bootleg dvd reviews. Love it keep it up ashens.

[@lightsaberlordp373]

8:10 This is the Zodiac Spoaking My mothor made me some Doletod Scones for Afternoon toa!!! 😃😄😀😂🤣🤣🤣😂🤣

[@SailorMaxie]

16:25 "Disc printing is my passion"

[@HelloThereUniverse]

2 years ago, I laugh out loud at 11:27. 2 years later, I still can't stop laughing at 11:27. 😂😂

[@LilNucleus]

5:38 The back is the fucking best laugh that you’ll ever have guys.

[@jamesoblivion]

When a bootleg DVD cover has so much bananapants shit going on, you completely overlook Batman's milk mustache.

[@canadianfurrytrash906]

"Bought it for son as he request."

[@grimTales1]

Love these bootleg movie/dvd videos. Thank you! Stuart should do another one if he finds more

[@HaydenX]

I just pictured an anime-version, Rule63-ized Liam Neeson called "Liam Neesan" Anyone who wants to draw a female Qui-Gon with a lightsaber in one hand and toast in the other would be my hero.

[@Redhotsmasher]

...Rule 63? Which one is that?

[@HaydenX]

Rule 63 is ""If a character exists, there is sex-swapped fanart of that character"

[@Redhotsmasher]

@@HaydenX Ah.

[@RAFMnBgaming]

Liam Nee-senpai!

[@andrewhunt7328]

@@RAFMnBgaming nani? 🤣🤣

[@JambopaulGamerInPJs]

Please make more of these bootleg dvd videos.

[@RAFMnBgaming]

Please naje more bootleg dvds china.

[@vladmomot5058]

Dear Lord Almighty, I laughed so hard on the DK one, I can't remember when was the last time I lost it on this level. Thanks, Ashens!

[@JugglerOfWords]

COMPLEX TRIANGULAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK!!! (I suddenly wanted to shout this, but I also don't want to wake up my neighbor, a nice old chinese lady who would be very much confused by this... but on the other hand it would perhaps be fitting to shout this while one of her grandchildren plays the piano, badly.... a suitable and not so quietly staged tragedy)

[@natedetailscars]

I love the Chinese IMDB bios of the actors on Cloverfield.

[@222o-u3t]

This episode was hilarious! Thanks guys.

[@richardcastro-parker3704]

FYI Miramax did have a logo like that at one point in time.

[@Renegadeprof]

The Dark Knight DVD case must have been made by the Gods XD

[@davidroberts5250]

8:34 'This is zodiac spoaking.' 'Its that guy from Allo Allo.'🤣🤣🤣

[@blobbem]

Wow, that "Taken" disc cover. Great effort, guys.

[@VampireSlayer94]

The bit on the back of the DVD of The Dark Knight where there were o's instead of e's reminded me of a Two Ronnies sketch where they did the same thing.

[@matthewday7565]

My local ones are scrupulous at weeding out pirate ones, maybe too much - do all the genuine ones have holograms?

[@krashd]

You are more likely to find them at thrift stores rather than at record/DVD stores. My local record stores are meticulous at rejecting pirated and bootleg stuff but junk shops and charity shops will take anything in and put it a price tag on it.

[@WH250398]

"We have a cinematic classic, "G". "I have *G* eniunly never heard of this film." Subtle genius XD

[@WhiteStars12]

16:26 I have never laughed so hard in my life

[@johnschatz9829]

*COMPLEX TRIANGULAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK!!!!*

[@MysteryMii]

So is this a recurring segment now? (like Poundland and Hunger Breaks)

[@maxscardanelli6185]

If it is, I'm not complaining.

[@jadeyxboox]

I bloody well hope so

[@achievementbird2641]

“It’s probably Great Yarmouth” brilliant

[@thehjt7071]

AchievementBird I’ve got a caravan there and it’s full of the biggest chavs that’ll mug you with a nerf gun