Ask Another Bi Guy

[@billybob093107]

You should do a "ask a bi girl next"!

[@ax3lsantana897]

Billy Bob yessss!

[@Physco09]

"...who cares? Don't worry about it." Gotta love RJ. But on a serious note you can bet I'll share this with my friends! Just recently I was speaking to my boss bout my being bisexual and she straight out told me "No, you're gay. I don't believe in bisexuality and you're more gay than straight" only because I'm dating a guy and she's never seen me flirt or be with a girl. First off, I was offended...unfortunately people have this mind set and it's not a cool thing. People have a tendency to judge what they don't know, more over what they don't care for. Anyways, being educated as I am, I explained to her why A. she was wrong, B. she shouldn't judge if she doesn't know and C. whatever she "decides" for me isn't what I decide for myself. She listened and I think I got through to her...I think. It's never about being right all the time, it's about educating people and starting the conversation that no one wants to hear and this is why these videos, and articles just like Eliel's should exist, so we can spread the word and awareness that this is who we are. :) *end rant* lol

[@TransandtheTrainer5875]

I got a better understanding about what it means to be bi when I hung around a man who is Bi. I realized that he was attracted to beautiful people, and it didn't matter what their gender was. I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to naturally desire both. I'm transgender, and most of the time it's either guys that identify as straight who are into me or bi guys. Would either of you date someone who is pre-op transgender or post-op transgender?

[@LucJenson]

In high school I was outcasted after coming out as bisexual and it totally blew but I was so lucky to find my group of friends in university who, when I came out to them, were genuinely curious and asked for an explanation on what bisexuality was, how I knew I was bi, etc... and while some of the questions may seem silly to others I was so proud to be able to educate them on what it was and so proud of them especially for not being bothered by it but instead tried their hardest to learn before criticizing it and I'm so happy that those very people are some of the closest people to me in my life now.

[@DearestClaudio]

From what I understand, the difference between bi and pan is that pansexuality doesn't take into account gender expression, whereas bisexuality does. This may not be how everybody defines it, but it's the definition I've constructed that makes the most sense to me based on the accounts of various bisexual and pansexual people. That being said, I really like the term "sexually fluid" to describe people who may be sexually attracted to more than one gender at any given time or over the course of their lives. It's a really nice sort of umbrella term that does everything it needs to without invoking any of the negativity that the monosexual/bisexual/pansexual debate can spawn.

[@shmurr]

I would have to disagree with this because I identify as pansexual BECAUSE gender expression is more important in determining my attraction than actual gender. E.g. I am not attracted to conventionally attractive feminine women, but I am very attracted to masculine women and usually attracted the most strongly to people who are androgynous/ really challenge the gender binary in terms of their gender expression. So for me, the label 'bisexual' feels wrong, but pansexual feels a lot more comfortable (although still not perfect).

[@DearestClaudio]

***** i guess my wording was a little bad; by "pansexuality doesn't take into account gender expression" i meant something along the lines of pansexuality tends to include non-binary gender expression/identities to a greater extent than bisexuality does.

[@Tb-de8911]

I'd say most of the activists in the bi community define bisexuality as the attraction to two or more genders, while pan is all genders. From what I've seen this is the best (least biphobic, transphobic, exclusionary) way to describe them...they do overlap though.

[@Tb-de8911]

Because there are definitely bisexual people who are attracted to people who are nonbinary and implying that bisexuality excludes nonbinary people more than pansexuality is kind of icky

[@gameguy8101]

Personally, I don't actually believe pansexuality is an entirely different sexuality and really just a preference. Sexuality orientation is about sexual feelings towards, someone can have sexual feelings towards someone who is gender fluid but slightly uncomfortable with the idea, but that doesn't make them an entirely different sexuality. It's like saying if you date someone with brown hair and they dye it to blond but you are still with them, does that make you a different label then someone who is against the idea of dying hair but is still attracted to them? And don't call me pan phobic or bi phobic or anything, or ignorant, I am bi myself and this is just my opinion.

[@Sally-qj7my]

What about heteroromantic/homoromantic bisexuals? Your sexual orientation doesn't always have to match your romantic orientation

[@frajanick2266]

Yeah but most relationships, have both sexual and emotional attractions i.e. the majority of people dating only dating a gender or genders their both attractioned to both in a lustful and physical way.

[@detteh4292]

i like having a label so i put pressure on myself to figure things out. i don't like no knowing

[@ax3lsantana897]

Dette H me too i find it hard to just be like oh yeah I’m fluid or queer

[@mrdrummerboy21]

Thanks so much for doing these types of videos. Really helps out

[@stardragon3152]

Great job as usual, RJ! I really appreciate all that you do for the bi community! Shout out to Eliel for mentioning Brenda Howard, the Mother of Pride, and one of my personal heroes.

[@shinostwin]

Don't know if you'll see this RJ, but I've been wondering on how to tackle talking about bisexuality to my family. The main issue I have is that they adamantly believe that being gay is a choice. So if I were to tell them that I am bisexual, they would then equate that as to making a choice between a man and a woman one day. It's even more annoying because I haven't had a girlfriend for three years and every now and again, my mom and I would be in one of our deep conversations and she'd bring up my relationship status and ask if I were gay. I would say the words "I'm not gay" and "I like girls," which are not completely false aside from the fact that I'm omitting the "I also like guys" part. However, that approach will only reinforce their idea that who I end up in a relationship with will be the result of me choosing a sex/gender (all the same in their eyes). Do y'all or anyone else have any good ideas as to how to explain the idea that I don't choose my sexuality (it chooses me).

[@chinuecharlene4863]

I hate labels! Im a straight girl but yet i get looked at funny just because i enjoy watching gay or bi or lesbian youtube channels. Its not the label i look at its the person and if i feel like the content you produce i good i will watch it! Labels suck just saying. Anyways i love your videos Rj :)

[@Sisinislam]

Hey RJ, I was wondering if you would ever consider doing this sort of thing with a bi girl? that would be cool haha x

[@lynnette245]

Omg the views are blowing up! Congrats RJ!!!!

[@victoriadominguez7980]

You should have a "ask a bi girl" Us bi women have to deal with so much poop from all sides as well. We get hated on by straight women, lesbian women, gay men, and fetishized by straight men. It would be really interesting to see both male and female perspectives on things/questions.

[@matthewwalker3131]

they did

[@MelissaMabe]

I could listen to the both of you talk for hours! I'm determined to sit down for drinks with both of you at some point!

[@m.francis9588]

I love this! Great vid guys! I personally identify as queer as I feel it's a better description of my broad sexual and gender expression. This can cause confusion for some people because they only see things as "straight, gay" and on the very rare occasion "bi." So when asked to clarify which one of those categories do I "align" myself with, I tell them that I am none of those and all of those. That usually shuts them up. LOL!

[@noxfior]

I'd love to see "Ask A Bi Girl"

[@hardyfan22]

yes we are still doing tumblr....i like that more than twitter...i rarely go on twitter but im on tumblr almost everyday

[@Limebottle07]

I'm bisexual and i'm a 70/30 to a guy to girl ratio. Many of us give it ratios, i'd guess if you don't give a ratio you're a 50/50 bi, how do you guys elaborate on that? I just can't deny i've always been more into men, even though i haven't had many relationships over the past, it's what i find myself leaning towards on my everyday life.

[@sylviaruppert83]

I personally believe that there is so much grey area to what something means and society may or may not want to see that part of the meaning. This could be linked to emotions such as fear and hate but it's still there with any meaning or definition of life. So everything is in the grey space weather it be love,education, laws/rules, and how to live. Again I personally believe this and there isn't a right way it's your way.

[@marinalebowich9587]

Since the word Bi is used in other circumstances, does it make you feel awkward when the word bi (or even bye or by) is used? #askabiguy

[@liamjames5470]

I hate when ppl say tht if biesexuality didnt exsist then what duz the b mean in lgbt

[@babyshinx]

These are always so interesting, because I honestly would not know how to answer if someone asked me "what" I am. And also never realised bisexuality is frowned upon, because from my experience it's more tolerated than homosexuality. Then again, that could be like a culture thing, because I'm from Northern Europe and things are a little different than they are in US.

[@babyshinx]

That's actually pretty interesting. And sad at the same time. I always reasoned in my mind that the homophobic people I know accepted bisexuals more easily because there was still a possibility of a straight relationship and they were closer to a heterosexual than gays are.

[@Edward4844]

I think we're all on the bisexual spectrum. I think it's very rare for a gay or straight person. I think there's plenty of gay men think a girl is cute but have no desire to sleep with them. Likewise I think with straight men about other men how ever society conditioned people not to be as open on they side of the spectrum. I think in many ways we are somewhere in the middle of the bisexual spectrum.

[@Sheechiibii]

I don't think that recognising that someone is attractive means anything about someone sexuality. I can definitely appreciate beauty in women but I'd never want to sleep with one, because I'm not attracted to that.

[@Sheechiibii]

satireknight I find women beautiful the same was I find cats beautiful, or a lovely waterfall or a gorgeous sunset. It's very different from the attraction I feel towards men. Recognising beauty in something is not the same as being sexually attracted to it and feeling desire for it. It's true we can't know our sexuality will never change. People have been known to change sexuality, from gay to straight, straight to gay, bisexual to straight etc. sexuality doesn't always stay the same all throughout life.

[@Sheechiibii]

satireknight That sounds a lot like the religious argument against LGBT people. You could say the same thing about the gay man who says he's only attracted to men sexually and although he sees women as being pretty, it's in a non-sexual way. Is it natural for him? Or has he subconsciously ruled them out for some reason?

[@alicia_nicole444]

forgot the links to Eliel

[@pnknailpolish]

I love these videos!

[@samanthacat94]

I thought... I recognise that shirt!

[@gavmeiri8207]

This is a good discussion. You should do ask a bi girl. Still, good vid.

[@ax3lsantana897]

Gav Meiri sii

[@Vanitycraft]

I remember before the civil war between gay/bisexual guys.. it was a better time.

[@zackzlatich5383]

What is the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality?

[@Charmedbykhy]

TheNotAdam I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or pansexual?Can you please tell me the difference..

[@thyXcaptain]

I want Eliel's shirt. It really cute.

[@CNorgren]

The mouth from predator!! YES I YELLED AMEN when RJ said that!

[@ax3lsantana897]

Do you think a person who is homosexual and heteroromatic can identify as Bi? Is their a name or sexuality for this ?

[@miguelzamudio8632]

His hair, eye brows, his make up, clothes, voice and attitude is not helping me thinking he likes girls. Just saying.

[@TheNotAdam]

+miguel zamudio And that's what makes you part of the problem. Just saying.

[@Maliceking]

Drop your black and white perspective of the sexuality spectrum and gender expression and you'll start to see why people who say what you just said sound like plain ol' uninformed, incompetent idiots. Just saying.

[@muahahall]

+miguel zamudio I know Eliel personally, and trust me, he likes girls. Just fucking saying.

[@alexohmyyy]

+miguel zamudio I know strait dudes who come off gay.... but I know them very well & they're strait...without a doubt Having feminine or masculine qualities is separate from sexuality

[@matthewwalker3131]

+Daniel Hall it's odd, I can't picture elliel letching and/or staring at chicks.

[@prl08]

I have that Will & Grace scene saved to my phone!!!!! "Oh my god, he's been humping my pans"

[@thinkingaboutcicadas]

I'm not bi and I'm not pan I'm in between them I "label" myself as polysexual

[@Manibe37]

Yes that's true, there is also a spectrum for your "gender blindness".

[@TheJustinglen]

great questions. have great day guys

[@yottoo.5037]

What's up with the occult/Pagan/Illuminati symbolism on your laptop?

[@TheNotAdam]

+Yotto O. It's from Legend of Zelda. Which is a video game.

[@yottoo.5037]

TheNotAdam Oh, I see. Thanks for the reply. Evidently the makers of that game are Pagans, because those are very ancient occult Pagan symbols.

[@NEGAHappyCamper]

I identify as a gay man. During the past 1 1/2 months I have been seeing/ dating a man who identifies with being Bi-sexual. I know he cares about me. He tells me he doesn't want any other man, but he will always want to and need to sleep with women. I'm not looking for a label for either of us. I was hoping to hear from other gay men or Bi men who are or have been in this same situation. I think I can handle it as long as it's a woman, another man is another story. Please, I need some advise.

[@padenviet7786]

So thats where the Brenda app's name came from! I feel so empowered! lol

[@SaraiisSarah]

As a bi lady, this is one of my favorite things.

[@mayume2489]

First ♡♥♡♥ Love you :D

[@indeciso15]

Jesús doesn't love u if he didn't tell you to change your haircut please... just no hunty noooooo

[@nnnnnn8902]

As I once read: "I should have the right to limit my sexual partners in any way I wish". If some doesn't want to date a fat person, a bi person, a transgender, that doesn't mean this person wants to take right out of these people. It's not discriminating in the political way. It's not campaigning for bi people never to be able to date anyone. We 'discriminate' (in the meaning of choosing, discriminate has more than one meaning) partners for many reasons and we decide who to fuck with. "No one has the inherent right to fuck with me". MAy bi people don't date other bi people :S just saying

[@noxfior]

Yeah, the problem is there when we talk about bi people though. For example, a bi man is still a man, so if you are gay, him being bi does not go against your sexuality. Maybe you don't want date him because you don't like his personality or body or whatever, which is fine, but him being bi? If he is trans, then there might be complications (unfortunately) because generally people understand transexuality even less than they do bisexuality, which is very little. I don't know if I would be attracted to a man that is transitioning, for example. Because their body would not be compatible with what my sexuality makes me see as attractive (which I know is not a nice thing to say, but realistically speaking, it is a real sentiment that I assure does not come from an uneducated point of view) but you never know what life gives you, so I keep myself open minded on this. Most of the times reasons brought against dating bi people have nothing to do with this, though. They are all stereotyoes, like "I don't date bi people because they are prone to cheating" or "they want to be in a threesome relationship" or "they are secretly gay/straight. I don't like them acting all ambigous" etc. This is discrimination of bi people, this is biphobia.

[@nnnnnn8902]

***** I get your point, but that is not biphobia. I get turned off by the idea that the guy I'm dating is/has been thinking in vaginas and sex with women, lusting women, not that he is going to cheat. I don't think bi people are sick or confused or anything, I don't understand it but I know it a real thing. I'm not around saying bi people shouldn't be allow to have sex or they should be hired or they should be killed. I just don't want to have a sexual/romantic relation with them. If that is biphobic, then not wanting the same with women makes me misogynistic? You don't have to justify why you don't want to have sex or relation with someone, for any reason. It's your f*cking body and you decide what to do with it and with whom. Even if it goes as specific as : "only with guys with brown skin, 5'8" tall, short hair and big penis". You can be as specific as you wish. Your body is not a social property.I've been rejected for many different reason, I'm not offended, It's their body and they decide if they want to share it with me or not, they decide if they want a relation with me or not. They don't have to justify, nor you, nor me. In the gay community we love to cry "discrimination" for everything, unfortunately this situation ignore the real discrimination many people suffer at work, school and other social situations. Cheers :)

[@noxfior]

+Nnn Nnn But why does it disgust you that a man's penis has been in a vagina, when said man cleans said penis? That's the fondamental problem. Like, what they did in the past is not relevant to you and your sexuality, unless it has to do with a disease, because if they had unprotected sex (with whoever) and have something, they should think about your health so they should inform you. But really. This is the biphobic/mysoginistic way of thinking that is very subtle, often times not even born from some kind of evilness. I do agree that you are not obliged to give a reason, but ask yourself this: why do I think this way? Why does the thought that he's been with a woman really bother me. It does not affect my sexuality and my life. It's not like he can pass me some kind of cuties from women. It is not like I would go with a woman if he had gone in the past. So Why? I will tell you, there is no real reason in this case. You can still go on disliking that, it is your right, but analyze where that dislike comes from. I mean, there are men who hate women and think them as inferior. They do have the freedom to think that, even though it is very shitty and is a thought that comes from prejudice. Some men have the courage to challenge that way of thinking, even though it is hard if you grew up with that thought in the back of your mind.

[@nnnnnn8902]

+RuunaLUVSesshy I have thought that several times. It's simple as why some people don't want broccoli. I don't and that's it. It has nothing to do with hating women. I just don want vagina desires in my partner. Simple as that. I don't think it's wrong and I'm not stopping bi men to find dates and do what they want. I repeat and it goes for every single person on the planet regarding of gender or sexual orientation: One has the right to limit their sexual partners in the way one wants, no apologise needed

[@GerardPare]

Very good video

[@Dani8owie]

Awesome

[@elkgrovealex]

A great discussion! Good ole Google!

[@Bensalt432]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@acadrengberg]

nice laptop

[@NE8675309]

Please do ask a bi-girl! We need representation too. :)

[@destaneemoore5220]

TheNotAdam What do you think about people who are bisexual and want to date a man AND a woman?

[@colleencoyle-levy2049]

I think that those people are bisexual and also prefer non-monogamous relationships, just as it is possible to be gay, lesbian, straight, etc. and prefer to be in a non-monogamous relationship.

[@destaneemoore5220]

Right but what about the people who really like the non-monogamous people who just want to be monogamous. Would that be considered selfish?

[@frajanick2266]

Destanee Moore It would be selfish if they pretended to want to be in a monogamous relationship to fit in. However SOME people in polygamous relationships simply dont want the effort to commit SOME.

[@destaneemoore5220]

Thank you that really helped. ^^

[@frajanick2266]

Destanee Moore You welcome 😎

[@GageCruise]

I'm also Bisexual.

[@callahansouthwick1388]

What is the definition of Pansexual?

[@TheFrancynana23]

Great video RJ! Have a nice day! I love you! kisses bye

[@lunalovegood8652]

Great Video :) Love from germany :D

[@iamwest108]

The guy in the right freaks me out. I dunno why. Just saying.

[@ClumsyPlant]

loz!

[@richardb2837]

Yeah right, rj u saying ur "bi" literally a purse falls out of ur mouth when u say that, nice joke

[@justjacksmusic2106]

Rj date me, you're so cute dude hahaha

[@sausagefest2427]

My dog is bisexual