Assh*le Wizard Won't Reveal His Secrets

He doesn't have time to explain all the things he came to explain...he only has time to explain that he doesn't have time to explain them...
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CAST
Mike Trapp
Siobhan Thompson
Katie Marovitch
Cynthia Kao
Zac Oyama
Grant O'Brien
Jim Hudson
CREW
Director - Michael Schaubach
Producer - Lucretia Stinnette
Production Manager - Charlotte Wilson Langley
Production Coordinator - Karen Silbert
Director of Photography - Cooper James
Camera operator - Carlos Lopez
1st AC - Diesel Pfingsten
2nd AC - Preston Taalbi
Gaffer - Lukas Wyatt
Key Grip - Saul Cervantes
Sound Mixer - Kyle Mclane
Production Designer - Caroline Mack
Hair/Make-Up - Denise Valentine
PA - Helena McGill
Post Production Supervisor - Melissa Balan
Post Production Coordinator - Marissa High
Licensing and Programming Coordinator - Theodora Hart
Editor - Sam Geer
Visual Effects & Graphics - TJ Gonzalez
Head Assistant Editor, Post Prod. Systems Engineer - Phil Fox
Assistant Editor - Spencer Kombol

[@dropout]

For anyone counting, that's the 47th person to die on our floor.

[@duck6872]

who is writing these comments

[@duck6872]

I would love to know that

[@dropout]

+Duck I'm a Westworld robot

[@grizlow3939]

Duck has a valid question that needs answering

[@rl1223]

What have you become.

[@alexanderg1935]

That is a man thoroughly enjoying his eyebrows right there.

[@thames1880]

XD

[@fordsrest]

trapp

[@charlescalthrop2535]

I never thought I would see eyebrows bigger than those of that guy in Breaking Bad.

[@vladtheimpaler9577]

And his mouth considering how much he is stretching it when he speaks.

[@rachelrachel9152]

That's exactly what i was thinking, just checked and hair and make up was denise, her and trapp both deserve Oscars for that eyebrow work alone

[@hamishwoodland7424]

I want this guy as a hostess on planes pointing out the exits

[@dropout]

You're going to make him change genders just to point out plane exits?

[@OllieP999]

CollegeHumor sounds legit

[@betaCarrotYT]

Oh CollegeHumor, we love you

[@shipwreck9146]

Hahahaha! Maybe he is a she! Don't assume the wizards gender.

[@emmafw8649]

On an Air New Zealand safety instructions video they had Gandalf as the pilot and Gollum showing the escape path lighting. Yeah, they like themes.

[@fedos]

How long did Trapp have to beg for this role?

[@caylinwalsh77]

fedos OVER 100 YEARS!!!!!!!!

[@polo619652]

Only time will tell.

[@dustoff5341]

but that is a tale for another day...

[@BGStandAlone]

fedos he's the best among them imo

[@somestrawberry2262]

fedos for over 100 YEARS

[@spinlok3943]

They cut out the part where after he dies he comes back as Assh*le Wizard Won't Reveal His Secrets The White.

[@orangeinkius7257]

underrated

[@dropout]

We'd like to take this opportunity to clarify that any reports of Illuminati imagery in our videos are fabrications. We have no allegiance to the Great Circle, neither to the Father Owls or Chief Masons.

[@brionyeyre1607]

CollegeHumor k

[@evilblade00]

unfortunate =/

[@duck6872]

who says I have to believe anything you say

[@celeste3761]

CollegeHumor this is how I trick people Read more

[@rl1223]

Subscribe to me

[@drakonyanazkar]

Trapp at his best. This wizard should be a thing.

[@memoowo]

Drakonyan Azkar and it is now

[@williamwontiam3166]

Agreeed

[@deathking1019]

i would love to see the wizard trapp vs defender of the basic

[@PogieJoe]

Trapp friggin' killed it.

[@pikapi2738]

PogieJoe You fell for my TRAPP Card!

[@owengwinn3025]

i lold at ur yugioh reference lo

[@Shayzek]

Like he killed Pat

[@IAteABox]

Doesn’t he always? He’s one of CH’s best actors.

[@xIPatchy]

I feel like you could make an entire movie parody out of this.

[@oldcheese9996]

Patchy yes

[@RJTheHero8]

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this... . . . . ...In due time.

[@prod.hxrford3896]

In due time

[@sirapple589]

PurplePandaCat :3 YES I can't lie, I have painted my schween. Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean.

[@Kevin-um1nq]

Sir Apple lol mfg grab your destiny I'm dead

[@froggb0y]

+Minty have you ever starbombed?

[@Volcanic_Rave]

YAY FOR STARBOMB

[@Daniel982-d7z]

I don't have time to write a comment, I only have time to explain that I don't have time to write one.

[@JordanBeagle]

Aadam Fakir Wow, lol ; )

[@communistcat3240]

he could have atleast explained why illuminati symbols keep popping up everywhere

[@jonathonl7230]

Well it was obviously siobhans dad.

[@mudai_]

Anyone else feel like that last guy must have been famous or something, and that you're just not nerdy enough to have seen whatever "legendary" classic movie he was in?

[@nimrodery]

It's Jim Hudson, from Die Hard 2.

[@Kahzarod]

It was Danny Devito

[@wifiwarlock6815]

Its Rick Astley from Darude Sandstorm

[@angiefayre5438]

It was the janitor

[@OfficialHuMan]

Damn...That's exactly why I scrolled down to read the comments and see the nerdgasms. Guy looked famous

[@jsd4574]

I don't even have time to explain why I don't have time to explain..... ;)

[@Anonymos185]

Though apparently you DO have time to explain that you dont have to time to explain that you dont have time to explain

[@edgegod4223]

Is that a destiny refrence

[@jsd4574]

Sanic Scout Yep

[@demeritnation]

oh my god

[@callmeEmvy]

That's the Exo Stranger from destiny! Nice one

[@JackSassyPants]

Props to Mike for being able to act through that makeup and prosthetic, this was a really good sketch.

[@Dawnrunner42]

JackSassyPants sometimes it actually makes it easier, because you have to be grandiose and over-the-top if you want to get through the makeup and prosthetic.

[@criticalgeek9187]

Secretive wizard person with an Ian McKellen voice. That's truly my dream job.

[@dropout]

Mine is "money tester."

[@criticalgeek9187]

CollegeHumor Ah yes, like your grandfather-in-law before you. I knew him well, you know...

[@FarikoWishless]

+CollegeHumor money tester 😂

[@someguy7703]

CollegeHumor mine is, being trillionair.

[@mataogearsky5353]

Grant nearly broke at 1:53. You can see his mouth twitch up. I get the feeling that this was one of those scenes they had to keep redoing due to his giggly nature.

[@silvercomet6782]

plot twist! the wizard was her father!

[@masonpines927]

Lol Eragon m' right?

[@snatchingcareers4681]

Oop-

[@BlueyMcPhluey]

incredible performance from Mike here

[@Ag3ntNengo]

wizard eyebrows on fleek doe

[@jonascourturee]

2:15 Reminds me of "HARRY DUD YOU PUT UR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE!!!!??"

[@thebestvoice3407]

DarthYhonas he asked calmly

[@alternativegreeting3637]

In the books, yes. In the movie..... not so much

[@mpGreen03]

that was the joke

[@papertroll1876]

DID YOU LIGHT AN OPEN FLAME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OFFICE!? Yelled the wizard calmly

[@patrickruddell3475]

Those eye brows were the best character in the skit

[@MrZAP17]

Those prosthetics were great. Somehow convincing and hilarious at the same time. The eyebrows!

[@MaxionWang]

This is actually one of the funniest sketches in a while. Well done CH

[@James--Parker]

I really wasn't expecting this video to be as good as it was.

[@thereaIitsybitsyspider]

This is one of the worst cliches a person can put into a story.

[@LevitLame]

Kinda... But in film it usually works. Mainly because this is the part you cast the veteran Royal Shakespeare Academy actor to make up for the inexperienced pretty boy lead. I'd honestly say that's the worse cliche.

[@timdewit6088]

Cliche though it is, it has yielded quite a few great characters such as Gandalf, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Dumbledore. I kind of agree with Thom. There's plenty of worse cliches. The comic relief sidekick of the inexperienced pretty boy lead is also way more irritating.

[@thereaIitsybitsyspider]

Great stories do not need exposition dumps or cliche characters that know everything. There are plenty of ways make a story work without either. Simply start the story and let the reader pick up on the the world around the story without explaining the entire world like a textbook.

[@samuelhadjaissa5201]

yeah but sometimes people enjoy a story if they understand it immediately or else they would be confused

[@sydssolanumsamsys]

honestly, i thoroughly enjoy the trope and the media in which it appears

[@djalixer]

“Oh it’s true. You’re weak and stupid” kills me every time.

[@sananaryon4061]

"But before I die, I will give you this holy relic of great power" "Master, how do we use it?" "Oh, for that you need to search out the wise guy looking to be in his fourties but actually way older at an inn on the other side of grave danger

[@wulfsaga2]

'Mr.Trump you have plan for ISIS? please tell us!' 'All in due time' Trump is wizard

[@whygotherehuh]

Anyone with an above average level of intelligence understands that he is full of it, but do you know what this means for his supporters who believe this? They are okay with a guy that is saying he knows how to take out the biggest Islamic terror threat in the world which is killing people in the middle east everyday, and everyone who is a normal human wants to get rid of, and he says he won't tell unless you make him president.

[@Archangelsvoid]

Why you gotta go there.

[@ZaxploitationFilms]

A grand one at that.

[@callisto22]

Namida iii

[@tonnyangkawan2168]

@@blackshadow-ps3fx please return to your cage, comrade

[@aias7981]

I could tell you why the world will end tomorrow, but that'd be a story for another day....

[@laxku]

I feel like I commented this 5 years ago, but Trapp's makeup work on top of the voice acting is truly incredible.

[@billy-mild]

Ahhhgg!!! So many questions! Not one answer!! What will happen to Katie and her cocaine problem? What IS with those Illuminati symbols?? WHERE IS SIOBHAN'S FATHER?????

[@wrenarmstrong4140]

How did Pat survive being killed by Trapp

[@NikSwiftDigs]

Makeup on Trapp was magnificent, as was his acting!

[@TrickWithAKnife]

Those eyebrows were hypnotic. Does Grant trim them himself, or have them professionally done?

[@toastetrout159]

TrickWithAKnife Grant would tell you the answer.... BUT THE KNOWLEDGE COULD KILL A MERE MORTAL!!!

[@gabrielburdan6327]

That's a good make up job for Mike

[@StealthPants1]

No. It's a great make up job.

[@baxkill]

But that is a tale for another day.

[@jasonakers6538]

What? Make up? Isn't that how he normally looks?

[@zeroarticulation]

I will respond to this. In due time.

[@rachelrachel9152]

According to the description it was Denise Valentine. Good job denise!

[@Corranhorn122]

How come Katie doesn't say anything for almost the entire video? Spare body?

[@that1lemon80]

Corranhorn122 that's her basically every ideo

[@Corranhorn122]

ehhhhh I don't think so. She usually has a couple of lines. But I think in this one, it was literally a "hi" followed by lots of staring. xD

[@ETphonehomek]

They say drugs turn you into a zombie.

[@zeroarticulation]

She's not in the core5

[@percyross7612]

Too much cocaine today probably.

[@rose-em4un]

Why is "ass" not offensive but "hole" is?

[@Elepole]

Ass are beautiful thing to see in their whole glory, hole are dark thing to be filled profoundly.

[@ignice2352]

OoohSoKawaii maybe they were afraid of offending the magical sentient donkeys that rule the dimension next door?

[@cethgarvez1454]

You said "but "hole"! (*laughs like a 4 year old)

[@TheThreeHeadedDragon]

Because ass could be used to mean donkey while adding hole to the end makes it explicitly about the body part.

[@LogD69]

OoohSoKawaii a hole is a hole just go outside and make one

[@peterkristo4448]

I feel like Trapp only wrote this so he could play with that costume. XD

[@ChartreuseDan]

Everyone who's anyone knows that Siobahn's father is locked up under the deepest depths of a BAE systems manufactory.

[@pierrechami237]

"I dont have time to explain all the things I said I was going to explain. I only have time to explain that I dont have time to explain it." Best two sentences of College Humor! 😂😂😂

[@MrGksarathy]

In his defense, he did seem to be explaining safety when everyone was zoning out.

[@TenthSgtSnipes]

I mean it's a step up from the Destiny stranger, who doesn't have time to explain why she doesn't have time to explain

[@DreamWizardMedia]

And Trapp says he's not a good actor. LOOK at this performance. Truly one of my favorites.

[@sparkss4]

Thanks for including credits in the description like you used to.

[@powerbound4162]

a gentlemen never asks and a wizard never tells

[@Dennis-nc3vw]

XD as a writer I actually found this hilarious. I'm guilty of doing this sort of thing in my work, though its not usually with old men. The reason that they do this is plots work best if they are slowly unraveled, and if you show rather than tell, so you often need to have a knowledgeable character only let slip out information very slowly.

[@oliverwalsh5595]

College humour is definitely wayyyy better then buzz feed lol

[@DanielTA9]

2:33 It took me to get to here to realise that was Traap. 0_o

[@Yugioh_Turk]

Thanks Admiral Ackbar

[@matthewrigsby204]

Daniel Algarin IT WAS A TRAPP THE WHOLE TIME

[@DanielTA9]

GCNMatt lol!

[@bluesdjben]

Thumbnail

[@Sparrow_Bloodhunter]

all these people with letters for their profile picture, meanwhile I'm just sitting here with my Daedric armor.

[@arceuslordofcreation8824]

Aw man, I wanted to know how to control the power of the wind

[@sagajohansson8091]

You just gotta learn it's name. And to do that you have to *looks at clock* oops, it's my time to die or leave you in some other utterly inconvenient way, you'll never know. Unless you read the name of the wind of wourse, but well, you need the code to do that and you get that b- *dies*

[@Jonut]

Arceus Lord of Creation That's easy! Just grab your magic stick and point up, left, then right.

[@hasagine3479]

you're a wizard harry

[@Anonymos185]

Youre a hairy wizard

[@Raynayk]

A harry are you wizard!

[@hourzerox]

Wizard you're a harry

[@azieldouglas5362]

The accuracy of this skit is mind blowing😂

[@deano9]

A lot of the sketches are hit-or-miss. This was a hit.

[@3p1cand3rs0n]

"The shadows of the past weigh heavily on my soul" is my new excuse for being lazy at work.

[@rinrinrinrinrinrinrinrinrin]

Unimportant comment about nonexistent placement.

[@davidsegerbo4513]

Awesome!

[@enevy3165]

Generic reply.

[@Corranhorn122]

I love how the Wizard's contemporary hair style at 1:50. :p

[@leathalEly]

Those are some mad eyebrows Trapp wizard.

[@Joel-tm7xq]

"No, it's true. You're weak and stupid." gets me every time.

[@jukeboxcc5839]

Last time I was this early, I made a shitty joke.

[@MommyyAngel]

my life

[@davidsegerbo4513]

your not alone

[@-mikerotch-613]

Epic Fail You're*

[@ryanj6011]

a win for irony

[@JuelzChristianLuvall]

One of the absolute best ch videos ever

[@Wimikk]

Best sketch in years. You did it.

[@aMilling]

A wizard turned me into a cake.

[@aMilling]

If you eat me i will die.

[@Ccambly]

The Milling have you tried punching said wizard

[@jasonakers6538]

"She turned me into a *newt*! ......I got better."

[@Hodoss]

Don't worry. You'll get better!

[@jasonakers6538]

TheScavenger101 Indeed. Let us go watch it now.... On second thought, let us not. It is a silly movie.

[@sarahking9483]

I love how he talks about sprinklers ruining the computers, but there are no sprinklers above the computers

[@thevoidlord1796]

3:48 he quotes Destiny.

[@alphahunter4791]

Anyone else want Siobhan to say dad at the end?

[@Freak3955]

aw man it almost took me 2 seconds to realize its trapp.

[@alexpolicastro2804]

This has to be the best one so far.

[@edisonzhang4957]

Wow mike aged badly

[@eugenekrabs6400]

I'd still hit it

[@edisonzhang4957]

Good hit, or should i say, god hit

[@OwenOsaka]

0:14 hey its brian blessed

[@chazhinkley6602]

Is that... Trapp?

[@chazhinkley6602]

I guess he could tell us in person... but perhaps another time.

[@kayrose6670]

the answer will be revealed in due time

[@JasonBarrettePiano]

His face at the end there was priceless.

[@ArcaneFuror]

Honestly, if he was a real wizard, and I saw him use abilities that couldn't be explained using science and all. I would definitely deal with it and become his apprentice

[@tevonslezak7295]

"IF YOU HAVE THE SECRET CODE" 😂😂😂

[@lolthebronzeking997]

I would put in a clever comment..... but that will be revealed another day.

[@Druid_]

Yey, a good CollegeHumor video.

[@mcgee472]

I instantly saw that the wizard was Mike Trapp

[@Spikey100000]

DO THE BELLY ROLL ...what!?

[@graytlo]

Tfw there's no sprinkler system in that office at all.

[@marlz99]

3:19 I DID IT I'M SO GOOD!!1!1!one!11!!!

[@johnlally1862]

It's actually 3:17

[@truestory7823]

John Jonson 3:18*

[@TheLordvarden2]

Screencritic 101 its 3:17

[@sarahgibson3399]

I don't know how but I've watched this video so many times and just now realized that Trapp is the wizard

[@ElleTGC]

Why are wizards always assholes like that in movies? It still makes no sense to me.

[@JeremiahCrow]

One of the best CH videos in a long, long, long time.

[@favorx183]

trap is really good At that.

[@tjcranberry]

Who else immediately realized the wizard was Trapp?

[@mimimann7400]

He didn't live to tell us where her dad is.

[@niklashansen5432]

Yes, yes but death is merely the Rambunctiousness in your body changing form. The answer is within your grasp... But that´s a tale for another day

[@urduib]

Ohhh so you watched the video and now feel compelled to tell us about it. You must have a very interesting life, but that is a tale for another day

[@enevy3165]

*_I'm dying. . . I don't have time to explain. . . All those things I was going to explain- I only have time to explain that I don't have time to explain iiit_* Brilliant.

[@emmalucas5379]

That's one way to get people to pay attention to a safety briefing.

[@rebecca7856]

This is perfect. Should have more views.

[@theegg2997]

Why are all of college humors videos office skits

[@NS1973]

Because they can't afford to shoot on location. And why is that? No love at their Go Fund Me page. Like, zero love.

[@dragonreborn6488]

Best video in a long while!

[@Hodoss]

I actually can tell you what's the deal with the Illuminati symbols everywhere. But that would be a tale for another day...

[@seanblack1320]

Well what about the Virgin Mary on people's toast?

[@Hodoss]

Sean Black You are not ready to know this.

[@PeterPhantomForces]

How many pigs can you stack on top of eachother til the bottom one gets crushed to death, Great Hodoss the All-knowing Wizard?

[@seanblack1320]

PeR5on Gü¥ Th1ng You're not ready to know that quite yet.

[@AimPwn]

Thank you for this!

[@megumin4805]

the blond girl with the yellow shirt did not have any lines at all why was she even in this?

[@charles9489]

because a foursome is better than a threesome...

[@sircodedred5006]

You new😶

[@amaro9708]

Ah yes I can tell you why but that is a tale for another day.

[@XrushrzzX]

This Is My Fave CollegeHumor Video By Far 😂👍🏾

[@omnishu1488]

the old wise man's name is nick

[@Rocketlock27]

this is what the story teller does to us EVERY TIME

[@siobhan8412]

yo wheres my dad

[@blueghost3649]

siobhan idk

[@tikilolu]

“I only have time to explain that I don’t have time to explain it” my favorite part ever

[@syrup3438]

Destiny's characters about the story in a nutshell

[@Galvanising]

I love how I instantly recognised trapp in the costume

[@CyGea]

He would have worked better as the IT guy.

[@benpat100]

That's some classic college humor. **great job**

[@Samuel_Freakin_Adams]

3:07 Who's that in the background?

[@ark00330]

Samuel Freakin' Adams idk what is it?

[@NikSwiftDigs]

Siobhan's father?