Attachment and BPD: Dr. Lois Choi Kain

Filmed and edited by Erin Anguish, EcA Productions
www.ecaproductions.com

[@SurrenderPink]

Begins at 4:04.

[@janethomas78]

My mother is Narcissistic, and she created Narcissistic and Borderline children. A parent like this is not going to HELP the children-- she will only think about what looks good for her, and in doing so she teaches the Golden Children to hate on the siblings that are Less worthy. This is a very hostile family environment where the children are held prisoners and always blamed, not helped and nurtured.

[@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091]

+gorilla twist Yes they do, I got borderline from my mother. But unlike my father who is likely completely psychopathic without a conscience I feel my mother would have benefited in anything to calm herself or her husband or her children down. Her NPD became much more all-encompassing and sadistic as it went untreated, unaddressed and worse - even encouraged by my father as psychopaths will do to enjoy another's pain. Listening to these BPD videos I keep feeling so lucky I use drugs, damned the other self-harm options sound a lot more painful. with so much less variety. To be frank Gorilla Twist, you are right, my brother was a great guy but he was a golden child and it was not until he passed away in 2011 that I was able to see what the f---- had been going on and was able to being to set things straight. I was the only one left, all their leverage was gone, they gave up, so did I and gladly.

[@Stteella]

The Narcissist's Scapegoat I hope u r alright by now!

[@GMarieBehindTheMask]

Ain't that the truth

[@tiffanylaurenz]

same

[@kahlodiego5299]

You got that right. In the 70s they referred to the "mentally ill" child as "the identified patient." This was too insulting to parents so they reverted back to scapegoating the diagnosed. No wonder mental illness is so stigmatized. You dare not be the person who's diagnosed! What a ruse. And how many people have 2 parents anyway. They are really barking up the wrong tree. And news flash not all borderlines are middle-class white females.

[@kreese316]

Pretty much all is introduction until 5:15. Then well worth a listen.

[@thomas.loyens]

I have quiet BPD and I’ve just been some of the hardest days of my life. I was already going through a deep depression with chronic suicidal ideation. Because of this and several other reasons I got extremely attached to my therapist. I started developing feelings for her and felt safe with her. She also struggled with installing boundaries, so that made it even more difficult and confusing. But it came to a point where she couldn’t handle my attachment anymore and cut off the appointments. I know she’s only human, and everyone has their limits. But it was devastating and I was in some of the most pain I ever endured. I almost killed myself. Luckily with the help of one of my best friends I pulled through. Never give up!

[@heidiperez1387]

My husband and children reacted so bad to my diagnosis that the psychiatrist canceled my meeting with my parents. Which left me with zero support 😕 grateful that family members are at this meeting to support their loved one and learn about this illness 🙏. So important!

[@moonmissy]

BPD doesn’t happens out of the blue, it comes from abuse of Narcissistic parents who doesn’t care about anyone but themselves. These incredibly selfish people only care about their own image, not their kids getting help. When I told my mom I sought psychotherapy for suicide, she said I shamed her and said I made it up. I was 17 years old at that time. It’s not about getting attention but lacked of it from parents who only care about themselves.

[@shaynelahmed6323]

Absolutely. Heal and stay safe. Peace

[@claudine98052]

Doesn’t care about anyone else except for their golden child, who is often their replica. I lived a horrible childhood with a abusive psychopath sadistic mother. Every single day in my life I wanted to die. I wanted this horror to stop. Despite the horror of the disorder, I am grateful to know I am not alone in this. So grateful indeed.

[@KatJ3st]

It doesn't have to be that extreme. Some people are just born hypersensitive so it doesn't take much to create BPD in some members of a family.

[@richardgrier8968]

@@KatJ3st Yes, I agree.

[@arabellacox]

When I finally told my Mum about the S/A I had experienced with my brother (14 years older than me and her 'golden child'), she said nothing, absolutely nothing.

[@michaelureadi2884]

Thank you for this insightful post...It further gives me understanding into this horrendous condition ..

[@edgreen8140]

Emotional dysregulation w cognitive distortions. I often try to help them increase reality testing and ways to deal with anger. So it doesn't end up in acting out or harming others maybe by wrecking their property. Mentalization is so important.

[@chuchitamia3782]

Take away; "Lower the emotional temperature." Thanks.

[@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091]

+Chuchita Mia Translation: Less bodies in the room. EQ=> (Mom+Dad)~golden-(blacksheep+-lostchild)/sqFoot = everybody?cool

[@shaynelahmed6323]

Thanks. Did it for me

[@wellepoque]

Same

[@SkullKing11841]

That was a really good lecture.

[@Keaggan]

Sucks that these places only take really good insurance. Finding a good (or just not a prison style) clinic is really hard.

[@kahlodiego5299]

So get "securely attached", folks! Good plan.

[@kurtaaron9478]

How to resolve all this is the real question. It is never addressed or answered here. Some good insights in this video with absolutely zero resolution or hope given.

[@Ladyblue7620]

Exactly. The problem is that answers and solutions are barely raised.

[@cavelleardiel]

You can watch lots of other videos to help you with this. However, having one to one therapy that includes CBT is very effective.

[@kurtaaron9478]

@@cavelleardiel That has not been my experience with one on one therapy, but thanks for replying.

[@cavelleardiel]

@@kurtaaron9478 Have you looked at the Personal Development School with Thais Gibson? She speaks about attachment styles and provides lots of tools. You also need to find a therapist who deals with CPTSD/trauma healing. Not all are able to work with that.

[@kurtaaron9478]

Thank you Cavelle. I will check it out. Know any good therapists like that in the New England area...NH, or MA?

[@ProfeAdams]

What was the movie?!!

[@jamesboccuzzi2840]

Good info

[@rollzolo]

Bpd from dark entities attachment?

[@judyweerstra9164]

Honestly I’ve listened to a whole series by these people and have learned almost nothing. I think they just like to hear themselves talk.

[@Ladyblue7620]

It depends on what you have have learned before watching this. Mostly they paste the same info about the disorder in such things.

[@pyromaniacalmagpie3198]

For everyone saying borderlines are typically cruel or abusive or other negative things-- What you have to understand is that that isn't borderline, that's a result of borderline aggravating something else. Somebody who has bpd, anxiety and adhd for example, will be a completely different person than somebody with bdp, narcissistic personality disorder, or bdp with antisocial personality disorder. Borderline personality disorder doesn't make anyone a crappy person to be around, or abusive to others-- those people would still be cruel if they didn't have bdp. The bpd just adds an extra layer of emotional response and poor impulse control, among other things.

[@claudine98052]

So it is the child that has the attachment problem in the begging towards his or her parents? Did I understand correctly?

[@mansourh5292]

Starts at 5:15

[@goku614209]

Whats the movie called with maureen smith?

[@Star-dj1kw]

interesting video ✅

[@ange8549]

Wow...is this interest in families of people with BPD somehow linked to the always growing unavailability of specific therapies and inpatient facilities for this kind of patients? They HAVE to stay in family, that's why psichiatrists suddently change their minds about these families. Now the patient elicits maltreatment, abuse and causes parental mental illness.

[@ssing7113]

Think she left out the biggie. Usually coupled with co-morbid other cluster B traits making relating to them an absolute nightmare Also underplaying the total rage. Devaluation. Mowing down your emotions. Bordering giving someone PTSD with their horrible behavior and actions I understand to get through to someone we need to soften up the language. Yet what do you tell the veteran that saw his buddy be blown up and was shot at. There isn’t soft words that is going to help him what he’s experienced. Which is akin to me saying alot of us “caregivers” have been stomped into the ground and dragged behind a car as a analogy…

[@goku614209]

Good analogy man. I agree with you.

[@pyromaniacalmagpie3198]

bdp isn't what causes people to be impossible to relate to, or cruel/abusive in any way to others, so it's kind of fair not to bring that up entirely during such a short lecture. You kind of do have a point though, cause bdp aggravates all the comorbid stuff you could have with it On the other side of the coin bpd very often comes hand in hand with highly empathetic or sensitive people who are too kind for their own good & just take shit out on themselves instead of others.

[@luthfipramudhia1680]

Ini dia

[@MahendraS25]

Hahaha nitip sendal dlu bro sebelum rame 🤣

[@RabbitHole2006]

Robot PC ADN BPD HACK

[@detsyaldya1418]

Mbhaa ha ha.. Hancur bisnis Vaksin.. Saya tidak melihat Ada gangguan jiwa,, atau pribadi... Beda pendapat itu biasa... Main tangkap dunia berkata apa..... Ayoo... Diskusi. Pemeriksaan kepolisian akan jadi gorengan dunia....

[@pedmondson002]

4mins in, she’s said nothing. I don’t have time to waste listening to word salad.

[@beyondbeauty6921]

Worst of personality disorders. Borderlines R Life long abusers of those who try and help. Be safe.

[@user-qq1ky8lv3q]

Do they ever stop hoovering?

[@raineamaya752]

I would have to disagree, they don’t want to hurt people. Borderlines are known to be very empathetic and nurturing to others, unless you become their object other representation of the good parent you won’t experience that side of them. Anything they do that hurts other people intentionally has a more self destructive intent. They ruin relationships or the good things they have in their life because they feel like it won’t last or they want to punish themselves because they feel unworthy and if they don’t leave first it’s only a matter of time before the other person leaves or before things are ruined for them. They’re not abusers, at least not intentionally and they also can’t be considered manipulative because the intent to manipulate isn’t there. They subconsciously do things to fulfill a need that was never met. Mentally healthy people who have the ability to regulate and understand their emotions have had a secure attachment in their childhood. Borderlines often have not, and they subconsciously take on the narrative of their abuser in an effort to have the ability to still see them as “good” and love them because if they accept that they’re right then it allows for a sense of homeostasis. Although in turn as they go on in life they will unintentionally attach to a specific person as the projection of the “good parent” they never had to give them the love they lost. Although it causes a great deal of internal struggle because they understand that that person is an external object and cannot be the “good parent”. So they almost fight between that longing they have and the reality of the situation. We shouldn’t view them as “bad people” because all they want is to be loved but they don’t know how because they never received the love that children so badly need to develop a healthy functioning mind.

[@trmp9923]

Lol no. ASPD is worse. NPD is worse.

[@petervanforsch]

@@raineamaya752 thank you for your compassion

[@pregerzoreo4886]

@@trmp9923 let's not say any are worse, we are all just people no need to label all as evil, bad or anything negative or even positive for that fact just individuals with similar life expirences