Attachment - avoidant

These videos are posted for scientific purposes, including course instruction and research training. Comments should focus on the science of attachment. Although I understand individual experiences and anecdotes are personally important and sometimes compelling, I thank you ahead of time for not posting personal stories.

[@serotonie12]

Sad thing is, for people who aren't familiar with the concept and importance of attachment, this behavior is rewarded. For them this is an easy child when in reality, this behavior is not a good sign of development.

[@drkristajordan]

Yes and in a culture where parents often both work all day and come home tired and drained it’s even harder for them to avoid unconsciously reinforcing an “easy” baby (avoidant, attached one). Our culture is setting parents up to unknowingly coach their children into being avoidant because it’s easier on the parents. We need massive social change to better support and resource parents so that they can have the energy and time to respond consistently and adequately to the needs of such young children!! Day care isn’t even the answer because of high turnover. Even if a daycare worker is providing attended responses consistently they are likely to to leave that job within a year due to low pay!! Which leaves that baby suffering attachment loss :(

[@Vincent-ds3kc]

No, insecure and secure attachment isn't necessarily good or bad. The only bad type of attachment is disorganized

[@Vincent-ds3kc]

@@drkristajordan That is not true. Having an insecure or secure attachment is neither good nor bad. The only bad one disorganized attachment which comes from severe cases.

[@weedgoblinz]

@@Vincent-ds3kc Not being able to or not feeling the need to express emotions while being severely stressed, is definitely not good

[@samspotz8r8s]

Absolutely! I don't blame my parents, but I easily catch myself falling into the avoidant attachment style as an adult, and so I take it differently than I used to when my parents tell people how good I was as a baby because I would rarely ever cry

[@Kcn35]

According to my family this is how I was as a child, I very rarely cried and was fine when left alone. I kept myself entertained and in their eyes I was such an easy child

[@KayGri]

And how do you feel about your childhood and caregivers as an adult?

[@Kcn35]

@@KayGri grew up very independent, with abandonment issues. Studies show that kids with avoidant attachment experience the most panic/anxiety when their caregiver leaves but knows the caregiver cannot or will not come to aide.

[@kelleycheek5142]

This is exactly what they said about me!

[@notavailable708]

@@Kcn35 I hope you are taking steps. To heal ♥️🌸

[@lienbijs1205]

@@carolavalos5424 Love is something else. I loved my mother a lot, can't even say how much but I had a troubled childhood.

[@PlayfulJoyful]

The baby interacted as if both adults were strangers.

[@j_g0389]

@@soapmactavish5355 no, one was her mother and the other was a stranger

[@doesnotFempute]

@@j_g0389 nothing gets past you, eh?

[@danielapolo7346]

@@doesnotFempute 😂

[@jessiecamille6872]

this is how I was when I was a child. I now have very bad social anxiety and my mother doesn’t understand because I was so ‘confident’ as a child

[@carolinelaronda4523]

I’m actually an anxious preoccupied attached person that grew up w a narcissist mom and dad always working . I don’t know how I’m not an avoidant attachment person bc I can actually remember being left home A LOT at a very young age . My sister seems to be a fearful avoidant however .

[@zes3813]

no such thing as bad or socix or why or confix or etc, ceptux, yuax etc, no anxietyx etc for suchx, anyx, do things not anxietyx etc for things, otherx

[@jaymefunny7424]

When people let their babies "cry it out" or sleep train all youre doing is teaching your baby you wont meet their needs and they will give up on seeking love. Its severely sad.

[@hinini3987]

Exactly

[@practicehonesty452]

Yes, I know some parents who did this. Their children now have anxiety and are off. I can’t explain it but they seem scattered

[@xorqwerty8276]

Yes my parents did this to me and my siblings. We all have avoidant anxious attachment now and don't connect with anyone

[@jaymefunny7424]

@@xorqwerty8276 I'm sorry.

[@bi_j]

From Mary Ainsworth's attachment theory (not a direct quote): infants avoided the caregiver in the stressful Strange Situation Procedure when they had a history of experiencing rebuff of attachment behaviour. The infant's needs were frequently not met and the infant had come to believe that communication of emotional needs had no influence on the caregiver. Ainsworth's student Mary Main proposed that avoidance has two functions for an infant whose caregiver is consistently unresponsive to their needs. Firstly, avoidant behaviour allows the infant to maintain a conditional proximity with the caregiver: close enough to maintain protection, but distant enough to avoid rebuff. Secondly, the cognitive processes organising avoidant behavior could help direct attention away from the unfulfilled desire for closeness with the caregiver-avoiding a situation in which the child is overwhelmed with emotion ("disorganized distress"), and therefore unable to maintain control of themselves and achieve even conditional proximity.

[@SA-StoneKind]

You hit the nail on it's head.

[@bi_j]

@@DanielaRosenrot it's essentially a rejection, which can be intentional like a punishment, but most often it's unintentional dismissiveness towards a child

[@BCWaxwing]

I recently watched a baby show terror in her eyes when she saw her mother. She looked for any way that she could escape. She has far more interest in her older sister or in strangers than in her own mother. Unfortunately, many people grow up like that in our world.

[@sofiaharper6349]

That’s exactly how I was as a child. Did you see this in person or in a video?

[@AllenaRae]

That would be avoidant, right? I cant find anything about babies not wanting to be near mothers, just the strangers.

[@NEAResearchLabUCLA]

@@AllenaRae I would say she is seeing disorganized since the baby doesn’t sound indifferent to their mother’s presence, but instead is actually disturbed/scared by her presence. It suggests abuse.

[@SaystheTruth3]

Or father as in my case...

[@LonelyRider87]

Disorganized. It's why they also call us "Fearful" Avoidants.​@@AllenaRae

[@huetitle4070]

She seemed more interested when the stranger left. Poor kid.

[@karlsie]

This is actually heartbreaking.

[@oliverf2924]

Yes and perhaps the mother even is proud that her child doesn't cry but is "strong"

[@jessiecamille6872]

@@oliverf2924 this is how I was when I was a child. I now have very bad social anxiety and my mother doesn’t understand because I was so ‘confident’ as a child

[@oliverf2924]

@@jessiecamille6872 I feel you. I suffered from social anxiety quite badly as well for many years but managed to overcome it over the years with one step after another gaining more and more confidence. A great book that helped me a lot with the underlying problem and I wish I had discovered earlier is "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". Of course I don't know if this is for you but I highly recommend you to have a look at it. If you think it might help you if I share my experience with you in more depth, just let me know.

[@SA-StoneKind]

I don't understand what's wrong in this video.

[@oliverf2924]

@@SA-StoneKind What is wrong here, is that the child does not cry. This might be counterintuitive at first glance, since one could think the child is very confident. However, the reason a child does not cry in such a situation is not confidence but that it learned the mother is not a reliable source of comfort when experiencing distress. Being left alone for such a small child is a situation of very high distress, since a child on its own will likely die since it is unable to take care of itself. When in these situations the hormone levels of the children where controlled it was revealed that the children that look completly calm on the outside actually experience the most distress of all. This is compeletly understandable since the crying child is confident that crying will bring back its mother who will give comfort to it while the seemingly calm child learned that it is completly on its own. In other words this behavior implies that this child is experiencing severe loneliness and a lack of (perceived) affection.

[@tinaflintstone8148]

Wow! She has learned that there is no reason to get upset when her mother leaves the room and no reason to be calmed when her mother returns because there is no attachment, and therefore, her mother’s presence is irrelevant. I just looked at this video a second time and it seems even worse. The child seems disappointed for a moment when the stranger left the room, but she didn’t even look up when her mother left the room. This is so sad!

[@AnaLiMFT]

the mother’s presence or the presence of the primary care taker is essential to a toddler. attachment is necessary for healthy development.

[@cmmontrose1469]

@@AnaLiMFT Sadly, this child has had to learn to survive without that. Tina Flintstone's comment (above), is correct.

[@soulfulspec]

I actually wish I was avoidant instead of ambivalent. I feel every emotion in the rainbow all the time because of inconsistency in childhood and I am hypervigilant at all times. At least avoidants do not give a damn

[@Sofia-gc4cn]

@@soulfulspec Actually, both avoidant and secure babies feel the same level of stress and disarray. But secure babies have been taught to show it to get their need met. While avoidant babies are taught that communicating that doesn’t impact if their needs are going to be meet, so they don’t show it but definitely feel it the same.

[@OntheOutskirts]

She is probably in daycare all the time

[@Be1smaht]

I might do this experiment with my kid to make sure I’m parenting correctly lol

[@aimeekatekelly2826]

Do you not leave the room your child is in and then come back occasionally? That is basically the experiment , their reaction to you leaving and their reaction to you returning

[@adararelgnel2695]

@@aimeekatekelly2826 it's different if it's in your own house though. Like, if I leave my toddler in the play room to go to the bathroom she won't cry, but if I leave her at a babysitters home, she will cry. It's not the same at all to simply go to a different room in your house. Depending on the age, they KNOW you're still around.

[@jamesbaviello4857]

The mother interacts with the baby as if the baby is not hers.

[@lisaetter2941]

Because she's not. The care taker is her cousin NOT her mother.

[@rajanlad]

I was this kid, not bothered whether my mom is there or not. In fact, i didn't even mond going along with relatives to their house without hesitation when they used to tease to take me to their place with many toys. I used to believe, wow i so self sufficient. I don't need anyone like those kids who used cry when their mom left for some time. Now when in my adulthood, I feel i have numbed all along, ruminating in my own imagination. Now that i realize, i am incapable of having close relationship. I fear the most is is my parents die. I might not feel anything.

[@practicehonesty452]

There is something missing here. Crying when caretaker leaves. This child may have been punished for crying as a baby and has learned to not cry. This child also knows that it’s needs will not be met. I have the avoidant attachment style. I remember being a baby and spanned every thing cried. I remember being stuck in a playpen with wet diapers, hungry and if I cried, I would get spanked. I would also hold onto the side and someone would push my fingers off. And I would fall down. These memories recently popped up in my mind. I am in my 40’s and I was stunned. I have been studying up on the caretakers responsibilities for their children for some time now. It goes farther than we know about attachment style. It’s a survival mechanism and it begins in utero. It’s fascinating

[@lilicreature9082]

What can I read to learn more about how “it begins in utero”?

[@AllenaRae]

@@lilicreature9082 If you haven't looked it up, I found it to be called "Prenatal Attachment" :)

[@lilicreature9082]

@@AllenaRae thank you!

[@AllenaRae]

@@lilicreature9082 you're welcome!

[@rg1whiteywins598]

Interesting because I have almost no memories of when I was a baby.

[@europeanguy8773]

The child has no reaction to the mother leaving the room and coming back. That to me is very unusual, especially at that age. It shows a a deep disconnection.

[@tanyam8462]

This has made me so sad. That small girl just getting on with it, as a form of self preservation, an attempt to not be “affected” or bothered by the fact that ones emotional needs are not being adequately met. And to not be “a bother” to one’s caregiver. I believe I have an avoidant attachment style.

[@knzay]

I hope this mom and child were able to repair their bond as the years went on.

[@CatchThatFlyBernard]

I think mumma has some attachment problems as well tbh which has likely played a role in her child’s attachment. She certainly wasn’t engaging very well with her child during those interactions

[@Keeper0fKeys]

This one is even more sad than the ones where they cry..

[@reneesantiago6496]

This baby had to grow up fast 😥

[@SKhan0m]

Poor poor baby. Content in looking after herself. Just look at the way this mother interacts with her child, there's hardly any engagement whatsoever

[@Maggie-zb7gx]

I saw a study and it said even children with avoidant attachment styles should still cry/be concerned when their caretaker leaves. This does not seem to be the case here.

[@doesnotFempute]

yes. The difference is that the avoidant children are not easily comforted at the parent's return.

[@Maggie-zb7gx]

@@doesnotFempute Yeah that's what the video was about.

[@Anbababa]

0:28 she is her cousin guys not her mom

[@Luisaireel]

Analyzing the mother, she is very distant from the child. There's rarely physical contact and it seems that there is no communication -the caregiver doesnt know how to approach the toddler, so this toddler does not respond to the caregiver

[@ogpcpa]

Kid points to something and mother is completely disinterested. Seems to respond only for the sake of the person in the room. Is way more into how she appears to the stranger than giving her kid any genuine affection. Makes me so angry.

[@Camillechristine]

While I was watching this I didn’t realize what I was supposed to be looking for and when the video ended I was confused. I think To me, watching this behavior from a child felt normal and familiar…almost like I was the same way as a baby

[@DanielaRosenrot]

You described my thoughts well when i watched the video. I just realized that when i read your comment.

[@faithhellman7348]

Yeah, I was thinking, while watching at first that it seemed fine, although it was a little strange that the child showed no negative emotion at the caregiver's absence, I just waved it away as them being thoroughly distracted and able to entertain themselves, and then I got to the end of the video and was like: And this is why I'm clearly not mature enough to be a parent, and then I started scrolling the comments and was like... oh... as I could here my mom talking about how I never cried as a baby and was so social around others... The further I scrolled the more the emotions stirred, and now I'm confused, because part of me see's some instances where this could stem from, but the other part of me refuses to accept that, and then my mind said: we clearly need therapy more than we thought-

[@faithhellman7348]

I was on here for homework! I did not need this existential crisis while trying to do my studies at 2:30 in the morning-

[@LEV1ATHYN]

Look at the mother's body language. Closed. Doesn't even know how to fully embrace the moment and play with her daughter. Poor little thing was probably neglected.

[@Shiro_hedgehog]

I remember when i was toddler, my parents often leave me alone at home, and lock the door for hours. Maybe for work or college. I didn't cry or care at all and just enjoy playing my toys. And when i grow up i dislike when people rely on me when its their responsibility and they still can do it, and not just because lazy 🤨

[@florentinfrank3671]

Thanks alot for the video!

[@plantphilosophy6367]

2:51 the sad truth of a child longing for an unavailable person to seek distant comfort

[@Be1smaht]

She’s like somebody gotta watch me I’m a babay lol

[@3acesndaqueenkidstoychanne153]

The parent in the video is actually the cousin, listen closely, their relationship was probably perfect for this example

[@jojoUK120]

3acesndAqueen Kidstoychannel I’m not sure that would make any difference here- she’s left entirely alone in an unfamiliar environment at one stage, and shows no outward distress. Cousin, neighbour, random intern- makes no difference, it’s just not normal behaviour at that age.

[@acaciagarcia3814]

It does matter if she is not the caregiver where is the caregiver

[@Anbababa]

Yeah and no one seem to notice Relationship with mom and cousin is extremely different

[@martinagonzalez9318]

the toddler’s just vibing

[@chillsunrise]

breaks my heart

[@SnuffIt]

Are these babies more likely to develop Avoidant personality disorder?

[@beautyofblaque]

oddly, APD is more correlated with anxious attachment. look it up, check it out

[@Sunshine-do3yv]

Eye contact....is a must...🤕🤕❤️

[@Brenaenae]

I’d hate to be the parent in this scenario 😭

[@ahhwe-any7434]

had me questioning myself too. not really. but pretty much as a single mother i do constantly worry about how my babys being treated when im gone. shes at the church w/ her gma while im at work. so while i know shes developing social skills, loving her kiddy songs, etc, i think about the she doesnt know anything types. well, u should she is an actual person. a little 1 but still. & then i gotta tell myself im making things up in my head, & not be so stressed out... females intuition & what not. but wever. im pretty sure this is normal. i obviously feel guilty for being away but i gotta do what i gotta do to support us. she def looks disappointed when i leave & so happy when i return. although her sleeping patterns r off. somexs she wants to stay up & play wif her mommy after my long days & its just 🥰 but also ahhhh. plz go to sleep!

[@Wearysiren3]

wow...

[@NokthulaMadondo]

Guys are you sure this is the mother of the child? The baby has No emotional connection to her at all. In fact she is more interested in strangers and the toys than her mom. Absolutely wild

[@sshuteandrew]

Nokthula Madondo That’s the point.

[@KYRA_FX]

That's based on her attachment style to her mother. Her mother is emotionally unavailable towards her, so she knows not to depend on her because she knows her needs won't be met

[@jessicahainesmusic]

@@sshuteandrew Nokthula is only clarifying and noting her observations. No need to be snarky.

[@emotophobiccdd8006]

@@jessicahainesmusic I never perceived anything snarky. Perception is a funny thing. I've noticed that assumptions are where the problems begin. Unless rudeness is very blatant...I find it best to just stick to the facts in the KZbin comments etc. But I do have an avoidant attachment style, so perhaps much less emotionally invested in the first place!

[@Kubani15]

Growth Power yeah this might be true. But you should still see some kind of attachement torwards the mother. In this perticular case the child didnt behave differently whether the mother or the stranger interacted with her.

[@cbbeautyparlour]

Nice video

[@Aschwartzable]

Ugh this is so sad, poor baby.

[@msch7620]

My child reacts like that but it’s because I got her used to strangers and to play on her own. I’m French and in my culture we insist on making our children independent. I still play with her too, I don’t let her cry if she needs me, she is a happy, smiling and very affectionate baby. But if she’s ok with strangers, won’t freak out if I leave the room and sometimes won’t pay attention to me if she’s busy playing with a toy. It look to me that this mother is the kind that had to go back to work after birth or had ppd and didn’t bond with her child properly. It’s like she’s not engaging with her child, that there is a disconnection.

[@kjthekunoichi]

M Sch hmmm when I was younger, like on the first day of school (preschool), I didn't cry as I know that school is just temporary... and I'll be going home after that, and its impossible that they (my family inc my auntie and grandma as I was also under their care as my parents were working, which I didn't even know at that time!! i just tot they were somewhere....😊at times I tot my grandma is my mom but I do know that I have a mother and grandma is my mother's mother...) will leave me at the school overnight or sumtin!! although at times even as an young adult now, i just started to work after graduating, at times when I feel daunted w the tasks I am assigned, there was one time when I cried, I wanna go home, but I think the rational in me and who also seeks inspiration and motivation from the music lyrics she listens to, actually helps me to calm down and think thru...😌😌 just saying and sharing my life story✌

[@BawsMode]

Depends on the stage of development around 9-11 months old the baby should be crying when the primary caregiver leaves the room

[@VenusHotline]

Teaching your child to behave in a way that imitates a avoidant, preoccupied/ambivalent, or disorganized attachment style is still teaching them that non-secure attachment style. Many babies with insecure attachment are affectionate, happy, smiling, and loving. Their actions and overall disposition have nothing to do with the parental bond. Your child learned from you not to react to your absence. This child learned the same thing. The only difference is that you were consciously teaching your baby not to react, whereas this baby most likely learned through repeated experience that her mother was not a secure base.

[@RachelGerrard]

Er...you sure you want to teach your children to trust strangers?

[@msch7620]

@@VenusHotline My daughter is 4 now. She’s doing very well. She’s bright, funny, independent and social. I had a son mid 2019 and it’s been a complete different dynamic. Because of the pandemic that started when he was 9 months, he didn’t get to socialize as much. He’s very attached to me and I’m his whole world.

[@Nka861]

This study works only in the western countries. In other cultures, the child learns from an early age to form attachment with multiple people and children spend most of their day with someone else other than their mother and when they start walking they spend most of their day outside playing with other children. They have less fear of strangers especially when they reach the age of this toddler. They have outgrew stranger’s anxiety. This study had different results in different cultures especially in Japan.

[@birdtj82]

Yeah sounds like justifying. If u haven’t seen yr best friend for 5 yrs , when meet up again 😅 it’s like feel like just saw them yesterday. Ppl with cozy mom , the kids can play outside all day but if mom show up , d kid Will 😅rush to mom. If I’m Japan or anywhere mom is bossy n snappy . D mom leave room , d kid is not bothered . 😮 lol 😅 if mom comes back , d child avoids mom . Cuz mom is stranger 😊

[@stellaKAU]

Of course this is normal. There are so many variables here that are ignored. And many more baby’s responses that are not interpreted. I hope people understand that attachment theory is just a theory developed by a group of people. Just that. Not a proof of anything really. All those commenting that they were told that they were a good baby, perhaps that is what it was- you were just a good baby and not some malfunctioning, maladjusted baby.

[@keis1486]

We can’t be there every waking moment it’s scary to think cause I have to go to work my child will develop an attachment disorder.

[@HannahCote]

If it brings you comfort, how often you're around isn't what determines attachment! It's about what you're like when you are around - are you responsive to your baby's needs, or do you let them "figure it out" on their own? Do you interact with baby, and offer physical comfort and affection, like holding, kissing, and cuddling? Do you frequently talk with baby in a warm, loving manner? Those are the things that determine attachment.

[@ad6417]

This mother shows almost no interest in her child. And the feeling seems to be mutual.

[@screamartsdnb]

I dont get it is it just to show 2 different things ? Because in the other video the same things happens but the baby losses its shit without the mom..

[@elianeleclaire1589]

it is the difference between a secure attachment style vs an avoidant one

[@ajrwilde14]

the mother seems angry, I don't blame the baby for this reaction

[@TogaKai]

Anyone else watching for VCE psychology?

[@SA-StoneKind]

I don't understand what is going on in this video.

[@ffi1001]

Is this really the mother?

[@mithshude]

yes, this is a psychological test called "strange situation" wich is meant to test the childs attachment to it's mother. this is what it looks like if the kids is "avoidant"

[@sara2ill]

So because the baby can keep an even keel and doesn't have a meltdown it means it's been neglected and a baby who has a freak out is somehow superior and better off being so emotionally volatile?....yeah ok...?

[@adamism9]

Thanks for your comment. Attachment researchers today are less likely to talk about one attachment style as being superior to or better than another. Instead, they are different adaptive responses to different types of environments. The "environment" is a bit vague, but can include everything from the responsiveness of parents to the availability of food resources or the amount of danger an infant detects in the local environment. Let me know if that helps clarify things.

[@sara2ill]

Adam definitely clears things up! I went on a binge of these older childhood study vids which seemed to mostly have a heavy handed message of better/worse rather than different, obviously made me a bit emotional :/, after doing some deeper reading and seeing your comment I understand the focus is more on differences not correctness. Thanks for taking the time to respond!

[@arlet101]

Just because the baby looks calm doesn't mean he is. They record her heartbeat and blood pressure and "on the inside" the baby is terrified. It just that she learned already that no one is coming for her from neglect so she won't cry

[@sshuteandrew]

sara2ill It’s about secure bs insecure attachment styles. A securely attached baby would feel some stress over the caregiver leaving but be look for comfort and assurance from the caregiver upon return. The insecurely attaches will either not seek comfort or be ambivalent toward the caregiver.

[@feigekatarina5745]

I'm just going to point out that the point of this video is to show that the baby can be comforted as much by a complete stranger as by its parents. On the good side, this can mean that the babysitter will have an easy job, on the bad side a kidnapper would have just the same amount of an easy time. As an adult that has this style of attachment. Sure they might look calm and collected, but they'll grow up desiring and needing help to do things, but since no ones there who can be trusted, they have no choice but to do it alone. This child will be a pro lier, not because they'll actually tell lies, but because they'll fool everyone into believing they don't need help. Inevitably, this child will be lonely, because no matter how much someone might show them they care, they will still believe it's temporary. If you want to believe this is a good thing, fine, go ahead and believe it. It won't change anything one little bit. I'll still be completely alone dealing with life. Sure it's perfectly fine for parents to not show affection to their babies! It's fine for the baby to trust anyone, because any random stranger might show them more love than their parents do, it's fine for the child to eternally search in vain for someone that will care about them, hopping from person to person as a replacement parent! You want to believe that there is nothing that this child has the right to complain about go ahead! You'll just be another person who doesn't want to listen! There are types that can't be calmed by anyone, types that will scream endlessly, but just because one is obviously less preferable, doesn't mean that one is less bad for the child than the other one. One will turn into a clingy whiner, and the other will turn into a loner. They'll both live because they don't have the choice, because their parents made them and then LEFT THEM TO DEAL WITH THE WORLD ON THEIR OWN! They'll both stumble through life, and probably make it to old age, but they won't have one single good relationship. You had better read this. If you want the right to be angry over this, then you HAD BETTER LISTEN WHILE OTHERS ARE JUST AS ANGRY. You are wrong, and will always be wrong. I was and am and always will be that child. I believe you won't read this, because you, like everyone else, believe I don't matter. I could scream, but no one would ever care, so why bother, just let the world keep on making excuses for itself. Nevermind that millions are suffering for it. (But no, there's nothing wrong with doing this to a child. I bet you've done it to a child! That's the only way that you could be angry at people saying this is wrong.)

[@MariBelleProductions]

The child saw the stranger with her caretaker in the same room, so maybe they figure the person is safe and she doesn't need to freak out when the caretaker left. There's many kids who are just chill.

[@AnaLiMFT]

a toddler does not have the intelectual capacity to determine who is and isn’t safe that is why healthy attachment or secure attachment is necessary.

[@sarahdraper1367]

No, that is not a sign that the child sees the stranger as safe. It's a sign that the child does not have a healthy attachment bond with the primary caregiver. That is unhealthy.

[@Be1smaht]

No this is abnormal. I’m sorry lady. It’s the moms fault. Child can form normal bond with the stranger she should have formed with mom

[@violetclover1224]

Yeah well, the toddler didn't freak out even when she was left completely alone, which is not normal, so not sure what your point is

[@asianamericanadvice6016]

I can see that. That was a possibility I thought of. There are all kinds of personalities and all kinds of learned responses. There will be a combination which produces this result without avoidant attachment, I believe.

[@pabloperez5572]

the baby's literally just vibing what's wrong with yall

[@Sofia-gc4cn]

They kept track of the baby’s heart and blood pressure, and turns out the baby is actually terrified. The same way a screaming baby would be. The only difference is that the baby has been taught that their needs will not be meet by their caregivers regardless of if they cry because they have been neglected. That is why the baby has an avoidant attachment. But it is just as scared as a secure baby.

[@sandeephey]

😢😢😢

[@natalieemayy]

Ummm. At the start she says “So is she your god sister” “No she’s my cousin” It’s not even her mum so this is completely inaccurate to try and apply such psychological theory.

[@yourmainegirl207]

Good observation. I missed that and just rewatched it, and yup, it’s her cousin. Unless cousin is her primary caregiver, this particular test should be null and void.

[@heidihol]

A permanent caregiver can be anyone... This psychology research is not aimed at mothers and mothers only.

[@successfulperson3304]

You can obviously tell the child doesn’t have a good connection with the mother. She doesn’t respond to her and looks for the stranger that gave her attention

[@NAJILife]

The immediate emotional reaction to this video is sadness but… 🤷🏽‍♂️ As a result though we developed really vivid imaginations that are for wonderful company in childhood. 🙏🏽

[@lisaetter2941]

You sound like the clasic narcissistic parent.

[@RK-bj8ho]

Boss baby dont give a shit 😂

[@tru2me3223]

Idiot.

[@marcobaratto839]

good

[@emotophobiccdd8006]

?

[@tru2me3223]

A dead, hungry baby who couldn't cry to show her mother she was hungry or in danger, is good?

[@zes3813]

no such thing as insecure or avoidx or attachx or strangerx etc, cepux ,yuax etc, self imporx any nmw, idts, self led not led by otherx, no avoidx etc no matter what

[@chironaimes]

All I heard was the mother is desperate for connection and is hurt her baby isn’t needy all the time for her so of course the child has a Huge problem. Duh. Your emotional insecurity is hurting kids.

[@carlgibbon6707]

it shows to me a very confident, independent and secure baby, that does not need a controlling figure rather just a guiding figure.

[@Sofia-gc4cn]

They kept track of the baby’s heart and blood pressure, and turns out the baby is actually terrified. The same way a screaming baby would be. The only difference is that the baby has been taught that their needs will not be meet by their caregivers regardless of if they cry because they have been neglected. That is why the baby has an avoidant attachment. But it is just as scared as a secure baby.

[@Sofia-gc4cn]

A secure baby would cry when the care giver leaves because they have taught to communicate in order to get their need met. A secure baby would cry because the caregiver is their safe haven, and it’s normal for a baby to mistrust strangers, cry for their caregivers but welcome them back and resume play. It’s not normal for a baby that feel the same fear to show indifference, be more comfortable with strangers and have no contact with the caregiver.

[@tru2me3223]

Social animals like humans evolved to show their GROUP they're in distress. This "independence" thing is a modern, capitalist, Western notion not based in human evolution. If a baby didn't cry when they were hungry, they could starve to death. Who gives a shit about "confidence" if you're dead? Get real.

[@gangalicious3000]

@@tru2me3223 agreed

[@lisaetter2941]

That's a narcissistic position to take. You lack empathy and are careless about the childs actual situation. Confident and independent is a common phrase that NARCISSISTIC parents use to cover up their abuse of their children. You outed yourself. Well done.

[@alyshahernandez7142]

This seems more like secure attachment to me!

[@Avadonia]

how the fuck

[@iBeFloe]

Not by definition

[@lilyt.4895]

That’s a problem dude...

[@mandypandy111ify]

If this seems like a secure attachment, then you need to learn what a secure attachment actually is.

[@TheBlues088]

Once in a while a strong and independent child in comparison to other cry-babies. Respect.

[@avaprod.8622]

🤨🤨

[@tru2me3223]

How is a mother supposed to know if something is wrong with her baby if they don't cry? Why do you think humans survived with generations of babies capable of outward expression of their distress for so long? Toxic masculinity will be the death of our species. So stupid.

[@nevaganzerla7568]

I think the baby is too old for this kind of experiment...