AUTISM eye contact: MUST know info (2018)

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The Aspie World

Күн бұрын

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@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

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@ParanormalGeek 7 жыл бұрын

The Aspie World it’s weird I thought I was the only one that thought making eye contact was is like looking into ones soul and almost to intiment

@brycerichards4463 6 жыл бұрын

I have asperger syndrome. Could you make a video about autism and comedy?

@Johnny-gc1er 6 жыл бұрын

The Aspie World I have also Asperger and ADHD

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now.

@marciozago943 7 жыл бұрын

Eye contact is extremely overwhelming to me, my mind just goes blank and I can't pay attention to anything else anymore.

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@twistedfrannie9311 7 жыл бұрын

My husband is an Aspie but we make the perfect pair,I'm deaf so I'm always watching his lips ,lol

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Oh that’s cool!

@talitajames7652 7 жыл бұрын

do you communicate with your local sign language? is your husband verbal? did he know how to sign before? was he a quick learner? (sibling of a nonverbal signer and learning sign-language)

@twistedfrannie9311 6 жыл бұрын

No,my husband speaks and I don't sign bc of a hand deformity but I lip read.

@talitajames7652 6 жыл бұрын

Twisted Frannie thanks! (Just curious)

@arthas640 6 жыл бұрын

i had a similar situation with a friends dad. i didnt know i had aspergers at the time but like talking to him and only later realize it was because he always had to read my lips and i could just stare it his lips too rather than making eye contact

@ColdHeartedXD 7 жыл бұрын

Eye contact makes me feel nervous. I can't communicate properly when i try to look ppl in the eyes. I get very Red and it just feels wrong. But when i look else were i can talk without feeling nervous

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah totally, thanks for the input!

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@rosiex2757 7 жыл бұрын

I find eye contact to be really intimate too. I understand the importance of it to make sure the other knows you're engaged with the conversation so I usually make sure to look up at them every few seconds so they know I'm still listening to them. It feels weird looking straight into a strangers eyes though, especially if they have a super intense look about them lol. it's just freaky

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah totally get that.

@loesopdeterugweg563 7 жыл бұрын

same

@crazynats367 5 жыл бұрын

Same but I don't think I have asparagus maybe just social anxiety

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@lethalfarm 5 ай бұрын

@@crazynats367asparagus? How'd you cook it 🤭

@miaautumn2429 7 жыл бұрын

Man i hate eye contact, it's uncomfortable and to be honestly just creepy😅

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah it’s super hard

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@MitchConnor91 6 ай бұрын

@@TheAspieWorldPeople really don't understand the extreme feeling of eye contact for us ... best way to describe it to them is telling them to imagine looking at a womans breasts and she catches you checking her out .. that intense feeling of the first 2 seconds of getting caught is just constantly on repeat every second we look a person in the eye ... tell me I'm wrong lol

@musicandpoetry_8 4 ай бұрын

I feel so exhausted after masking

@Tobyman06 3 ай бұрын

@MitchConnor91 that's actually spot on, it's such an uncomfortable, guilty feeling it just makes no sense.

@matthewbrown7166 7 жыл бұрын

I'm aspie too - one tip is to look at another part of the face, it looks like you're maintaining eye contact. I honestly wish neurotypicals would change their attitudes and not make aspies feel so uncomfortable in the first place!

@arthas640 6 жыл бұрын

my dad was a businessman and he drilled eye contact into me but i jsut learned over time to look at the eye, then glance off to the mouth, cheek, forehead, etc before looking back. I might look a little bit twitchy as a result but people dont really notice me not making much eye contact.

@adelinesantana4681 2 жыл бұрын

It's so stupid because I get scared they'd notice I'm not looking into their eyes 😂

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@NikkiTeeWorld 6 жыл бұрын

Wow. Eye contact feels like an intimate intrusion to me, it’s so nice to hear someone else say that too. When I build love, or trust with someone, I like looking into their eyes, it feels other worldly in a good way at that point

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@A-n42 7 жыл бұрын

When I m looking at some in the eyes, I feel like they can see me and they can read my thoughts. It make me sooo uncomfortable, but I m trying to get more use to it so I can be less anxious

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah that’s what I was trying to say lol!

@ivonaxr 7 жыл бұрын

I enjoy your videos so much. Autism came to my world with my sister with a very heavy non-verbal condition. Growing up with autistic sibling can be very confusing, because you do not know what is going on, but you are direct observant on many many abnormal things. By chance, during my university studies abroad I got the chance to babysit for a family with autistic boy and a girl with ADHD. It is immensly rewarding to be part of somebody's else path, this time in a way that can actually understand and contribute to their development. I am increasingly engaging with educating myself on the topic, expanding my circle of kids and families i could work with, and trying to combine my studies (still ongoing) with my work. People are always positevly impressed when i tell them of what I do. I wish they know it is not a fking rocket science, and everybody can have a positive impact on the life of people with special needs - only if you are kind, patient and understanding, its all they need. Thumbs up for what you do, I hope you are content with the results of your work, and I am here, and many people are also out there, and we are building a solid community where any person has a place :)

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey thank you for the kind words! I am so proud of what I do. Thank you for the comment.

@endeavourlewis3994 7 жыл бұрын

I am an Aspie too, when I look into someone's eyes, I feel intimidated and I have an instinctive urge to look away, especially if the person is angry at me.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah I get yeah!

@arthas640 6 жыл бұрын

I dont like my eyebrows, i think i'll steal his

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@NappyHairedGod 7 жыл бұрын

whenever someone looks me in the eyes it feels like they’re judging me. every insecurity i’ve ever had rushes through my head and I’m wondering which one I’m showing. i don’t like the idea of someone having that kind of power over me. i did find a way to make eye contact though. i just look near their eyes and zone out. but i think people notice when i do this because my friend once said it looks like I’m looking through them or something but that’s his problem 🤷🏿‍♂️

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yes very well put!

@saucevault9750 4 жыл бұрын

It’s not his problem lmao Definitely just would rather have that person not converse with me before I’d want them staring blankly into my flesh lol

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@Michelle-kw8dc 4 жыл бұрын

I'm not diagnosed yet. It's amazing how much of my focus goes to making eye contact. Probably 60% of my focus is spent trying to make sure I'm making eye contact during conversation. Like you, I can manage it with people I know fairly easily, but I think mostly because I feel more comfortable looking around without them feeling I'm being rude. I do feel it's uncomfortable looking in someone's eyes, like they can see into the back of my head where it's all orange sparkles, and that they're seeing my face and that's weird. A lot of people, it makes me feel physically ill to look them in the eyes. It makes me want to cry. I feel stressed and afraid, like they want me to do something but I don't know what. Or like I'm being grabbed and held down. Or like I'll start bleeding if we make eye contact (especially with people I don't like very much). It's not pain, per se, it's this anxiety or sense of threat, or wobbly feeling in my head. I don't know how else to describe it.

@TheAspieWorld 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

@zahrakh.d1400 4 жыл бұрын

Ok I'm late to this topic but having eye contact (not with my loved ones) physically affects me. It feels like I'm burning. And I totally agree with the whole "staring into your soul" thing.

@aiyamusicchannel 2 жыл бұрын

Yes to the "burning" thing. It's so true!

@jasonmero2245 7 жыл бұрын

The professional statement of "they don't understand the importance" always bugs me. I think we all understand perfectly that it's something NT'ers want. (not need, because that would mean a blind person can't communicate properly) And that is also my issue with it, since NT'ers don't nééd eye-contact, why force me to do something I cán't? And I'm serious in that: I can either keep eye-contact OR I can understand what you're saying and respond. Doing both is impossible. If I make eye-contact I'm not actually seeing anything, my brain just shuts down. I'm really liking all the explanations people are giving here because I can't figure out the why because I 'shutdown' on eye-contact so I'm learning a lot here! Thanks y'all!

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah too true.

@joshwhitaker7315 6 жыл бұрын

I totally agree with this. I can't do both, why are they so obsessed with eye contact its like we are forced to conform because NTs think we are lying or not trustworthy or not listening to them. Idk, they arn't all like that. Maybe its like being trapped between two bad options, or maybe its just a good way to filter out people who don't care about those superficial things. Just be yourself. Strange can be awesome, interesting, beautiful, smart. Just learn to move on and move on and move on to the next person again and again until you find people who fit, these people are worth searching for, just let go of the others, reckognize when they arn't listening, don't try to make them listen, just move on and do it quickly, don't waste time.

@bpd-rachelsjourney4045 4 жыл бұрын

It’s not something we need. We don’t consciously make a decision to want or do it. I didn’t even know it’s something we did until watching these. It’s as natural as breathing.

@moemoe859 7 жыл бұрын

I love your description. My sister just started dating someone with autism and we were litterally talking about this 10 mins before I saw this. I'ma send it it her. Keepem coming

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey that’s crazy! Thanks Morgan!

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@WolfCat68 7 жыл бұрын

Oh yes! It's so hard to describe what happens when I make eye contact when I'm talking to someone. It's like everything else fades out and I'm looking down a tunnel at just their eyes and nothing else exists. It's overwhelming and a bit scary. I've always looked at someone's mouth when talking to them, because I can actually make more sense of what they're saying.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the comment!

@sofialyon814 7 жыл бұрын

Hello dan , the key point that you made for me was that eye contact is / can be selective . I can also relate to your own personal explanation for this, I agree eye contact is intimate and I have noticed to that my grandson looks away with strangers or when he is shy but looks very deeply into my eyes when he wants to understand my feelings.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yes it is a personal thing to.

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@mariajames-thiaw5797 7 жыл бұрын

A friend grabbed my sons face and told him to stop being rude and look her in the eye. I thought that was so rude and embarrassing for him. I wish people would be more sensitive.

@jasonmero2245 7 жыл бұрын

Maria James-Thiaw Teach him that people are not allowed to touch him without his permission (all children should learn that lesson at a very young age!). Tell people "you can't touch me, use your words" or something. It forces people to explain what they want and why which gives room to him voicing hís needs. 😘

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Wow that’s horrible :(.

@HOGSOOEY 6 жыл бұрын

My art teacher was lecturing me and did the same exact thing! And to make matters worse she told me I’m usuing aspergers as an excuse and never had it ! Neurotypicals man

@AlexxWretched 7 жыл бұрын

I've not been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, though I've become increasingly certain that I should be because so many of the symptoms, behaviors, etc fit just about every "weird" thing about me. This is a good example. I've always found eye contact to be extremely uncomfortable and sometimes pretty stressful. But I've gotten so used to my dad screaming "look at me" when he;s angry, and realizing that people feel like you're rude if you don't make eye contact, that in the past year I've begun forcing myself to make eye contact with people, but it's really difficult

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey, yeah I get that it is so hard. Maybe you should get an assessment done.

@AlexxWretched 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the response! I'm just so at a loss as to where to go to do that?

@lorihowell3865 7 жыл бұрын

You describe it so perfectly!! I thought I was the only one who felt like that during eye contact! I can't stand how vulnerable it makes me feel. At times I imagine it must be what a mouse feels like when it's caught in a snakes gaze. It's so hard being an adult who is just finding out about the Aspie world... I can't go back and make my life better, but it helps me to know that I can help my son. Thank you for your videos. Your info is invaluable. Have a wonderful and blessed New Year. 😊

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for the kind words and comment!

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@ajschwartz2012 6 жыл бұрын

Maybe because in a business world eye contact is a way to show that you are sincere or should be trusted. But in an aspie world where you are literal and sincere always it isn't necessary to bear your soul unnecessarily to someone to show your honesty. You're going to be honest regardless and so don't feel that pressure towards strangers.

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@Lisamolloy365 7 жыл бұрын

I don't agree with the professionals re: eye contact. I do know its importance in conversations and connection but I also know how it makes me feel. Everyone has a 'personal space bubble' that is usually invaded by another personal physically, but for me as someone on the spectrum, I feel that bubble is invaded by eye contact. Eye contact makes me feel as if I am standing in front of another person naked, and vice-versa...just way too close for comfort. I don't know if all Aspies/Asd feel like this, I just know I do. Practice has made it easier but still feels awkward. 😕

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

That’s very interesting. Thank you.

@hanaboskova 6 жыл бұрын

Im doing this eye thingie just with people I like, and I love this kind of connection with them.

@sveinxx 3 жыл бұрын

What a great explanation! When I force myself to meet people with eyecontact it feels like a open gate to my soul. Im so sensetive in that moment and im feeling so uncomfortable, nervous and weak.... My senses gets overwhelmed very easily and my eyes takes the biggest hit. Im a much calmer person when my eyes are closed and Im better prefer to take a walk outside in dark than during the day.

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@aiyamusicchannel 2 жыл бұрын

This is such a good desxrition!!!

@Aura000 7 жыл бұрын

Ha I totally relate to the eye contact and looking into their soul and it feels overwhelmingly intimate. And then I also worry they’re going to think I am sending them secret intimate messages even though I’m not. And if it’s someone attractive it’s even more scary to make eye contact

@krystaldixon3070 7 жыл бұрын

Great video. I've heard from others on th3 spectrum that looking into someone's eyes is like looking into their soul and it being quite intense. My 8 year old son with asperges syndrome has always said strangers faces scare him. And a few situations he has had a meltdown because of it. For years I've wanted to know why peoples faces scare him and just this year he has said to me he doesn't know what their face means, specifically when someone has a straight face showing no emotion. I just tell him it's their 'thinking face ' but that they are happy.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I guess we share the same idea of what it’s difficult.

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@oanaalexia 7 жыл бұрын

Have faith in yourselves. I LOVE how you teach us about the important things in life. With a smile

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey thank you!!

@nevaspen4545 7 жыл бұрын

I avoid eye contact because I think I can feel their energy. It's like looking into their soul. I struggle with this SO much. But, I do notice I can at times - look at my loved ones in the eye and occasionally my friends. I was taught a trick as a little girl to look at an imaginary dot right above the bridge of the nose. This appears to be looking in the eyes and it's gotten me pretty far, but what feels most comfortable is to speak by looking away from them. My boyfriend has learned to accept the fact that I will talk to a wall but knows that I am addressing him. In times of saying, I love you- I have compromised my discomfort and have in the last 5 years learned to say it to him at least, in his eyes. So thankful for your videos. I'm newly diagnosed so it's incredibly rewarding the feeling of not being alone and motivated to accept myself as an aspie woman.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yes indeed, I feel most of us are on the same idea on this topic.

@djaf8550 6 жыл бұрын

Dude. I said that when someone is looking at me in my eyes it feels like they are burning a hole in my soul. I said this in my mind right before you said invading your soul. I've never heard anyone else describe it in the same way. Thanks for the video. 👍

@TheAspieWorld 6 жыл бұрын

Hey thank you so much for the kind words and thank you for the comment!!!

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@chuckbosio2924 2 жыл бұрын

Don't laugh, but it's news to me that people communicate through eye contact and I'm going on 65. Even if I make eye contact, I don't have a clue what people are trying to say. Why bother, I ask myself.

@Lulubelgique 7 жыл бұрын

I feel the same! I really hate looking into people's eyes because I feel they're entering my intimacy. But I'm able to have eyes with people I feel comfortable with, probably because I allow them to "enter" into my eye.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah it’s so difficult.

@hagrid6939 7 жыл бұрын

I have Aspergers and I hate eye contact and I think that I will look weird if I look people in the eyes. I only look straight into the eyes of people I know very well. Keep up the good vids.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey thank you for the comment and the kind words.

@lesliebeckwith2483 7 жыл бұрын

my son always looks like he's thinking about something really hard, but he does make eye contact, but it's just different, can't really explain it

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hmm, that’s interesting thank you for the comment

@Andrea-mt7lq 7 жыл бұрын

My son was recently diagnosed with aspergers. Your videos are helping me learn how to relate to him. Thank you for making videos that help those that do not understand how to deal with him.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey you are welcome! I am so happy my videos help :)!

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@NLGL10N3l 4 жыл бұрын

Staring at peoples eyes feels so anxious and uncomfortable. I have anxiety around people but I’m actually learning. I can’t even pay attention when I can’t make eye contact but when I try, I just can’t

@TheAspieWorld 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah it is so difficult uh!? Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

@ckala217 5 жыл бұрын

Mum of son with hf asd diagnosis here. Loving your channel, thank you. My son has described the experience if eye contact very much along these lines. He has chosen to look between the eyebrows, or the end of someone's nose, or not at all. He came up with those options himself. The last few years I was amazed at how much eye contact he was making with me. I finally commented on it this year, and he said, no mum, I'm looking between your eye brows, I can't make eye contact. Humbling reality check for me. When I make eye contact, I'm not actually focusing into people eyes, that would be way too intense. My physical eyes are directed at their eyes, kind of anchored there, but I'm actually observing everything that's going on around the eyes....facial movements, posture, where their eyes are looking, and put this together with their voice tone, pitch, and volume, what they are talking about..to get an overall sense of where this conversation is going, how the person is feeling, when I may say anything if anything at all, if this person needs help, etc. The eye contract is not literally look into my eyes, it's more of a grounding point to observe everything that's going on with this person I am conversing with. I would be very confronted and find it super intense to just look into someone's eyes, and that's all; that's reserved for lovers, and maybe interrogative or unsafe situations. In a verbal conversation, my eyes are actually tracking all kinds of things, movements, changes, but using peripheral vision. Sometimes my eyes may look at their hands, or where they are looking, for example, but mostly, I'm using their eyes as an anchor and taking in all the peripheral information, equally to what their eyes are telling me. The eyes are the anchor cos you can read intentions there, very instantly, but you can read intentions anywhere in a person's body, but it gets less informative the further you go from the eyes. I think the eyes are also the focus because it's impossible to literally look at every movement and change as it's happening in real time in a conversation. You have to take in the whole, overall, averaged out picture, using the eyes as a resting point, where the focus is actually diffuse, not sharp, as you look at everything that is going on. I think the information coming directly from someone's eyes IS like looking into their soul, and it's far too much for a brain to comprehend or process. It's full on. General communication is much more, well, general. Us neurotypicals assume understanding of common social behaviours, because that's how the nt world runs, usually quite poorly, and inexactly, and forget to break everything down for the people on the autism spectrum in our life. Not because we don't care but because there is literally so much to break down, it's overwhelming. But, very humbling and educational, and enriching to cocreate a meeting place of understanding...an adapter so that our two different operating systems can talk to each other.

@TheAspieWorld 5 жыл бұрын

✌🏼Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

@FrasierLinde 7 жыл бұрын

I think that's exactly what it is. People on the spectrum are more sensitive to the information conveyed through the eyes, so holding eye contact can be too intense, either because they're receiving an overwhelming amount of information (that they may also have difficulty interpreting) from the other person, or they feel like the other person can see too much into their psyche, or both. Even for neurotypical people, prolonged eye contact (especially with someone they're not in a close relationship with) can become uncomfortable. It just becomes uncomfortable more quickly the more sensitive and/or insecure each party is.

@FrasierLinde 7 жыл бұрын

... and the more awkward the relationship is to begin with.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah for sure!

@ginaopacki 7 жыл бұрын

Hello this is Gina from the US and I'm 51 years old and I adore your Channel. I have dyslexia and anxiety and a lot of the things that you announce that you say you have and I have been treated in a way that is not encouraging me to be strong. These are all things that are nonvisual trates to a degree so people can't identify with me do so people avoid me instead of encouraging me and that makes me avoid then. Your site helps me a lot to feel like I'm not an outcast I am an artist and I'd rather be alone creating art but I still need a Social Circle to I have a 13 year old son who also fits the spectrum's and I adore him and I've encouraged him from the beginning and it's a wonderful thing he is much more social than I but still has the same issues so keep up the good work you're doing awesome and I appreciate it so much thank you again Gina from the US...

@teebles47 7 жыл бұрын

as a kid I never knew that eye contact was a thing. in my teens, people told me it was important for making a good impression at interviews and things, but they didn't tell me how to do it properly so I would make steady eye contact for an entire time until I was told that was too much. now that I have learned more about the nuanced meanings, I'm more anxious about making eye contact because I'm afraid I'm going to give the wrong meaning with it. I think I get what people are saying about it feeling uncomfortably intimate and invasive though, since the idea of "togetherness" felt uncomfortable to me from a young age.

@maddscientist3170 7 жыл бұрын

one of my Opthamologists HAS Aspergers.....he stares into eyes for a living.....but when away from the eye, he does not look at you in the face when talking or ....."if" he even relays information.....not very verbal.

@GeekyIrishVlogs 7 жыл бұрын

Dude this is actually really informative for me and someone I know with autism. Great vid. Happy new year

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you Happy New Year to you!

@karafelesis123 3 жыл бұрын

Your videos have been so helpful to me over the past few days, so first and foremost I'd like to say thank you! I have the same exact response to eye contact. It feels like I'm looking directly into a person's soul, and that their soul is influencing mine, and mine theirs. It's uncomfortably intimate. I avoid it as much as possible, but make an effort around my family, who I know would be hurt if I didn't look them in the eyes. To me, it feels exactly like 1:50 into the song A Day In The Life.

@KingTroyal 8 ай бұрын

I am glad you said "its like looking in your soul". That is so true!

@lillithlochwoode788 7 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way. Its to invasive and like i dont wanna feel that much of another person.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah totally!

@stephenbell8755 7 жыл бұрын

I have a hard time looking at the people in the eye because I feel like I will stare too much and they will see too much of my emotions in my eyes and I have a harder time thinking about what I am going to say.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

That’s interesting. Thank you for the comment.

@kcjd10 7 жыл бұрын

Oh wow! You perfectly articulated why I find it extremely difficult to hold eye contact with people. I try to make a conscious effort to hold eye contact because I'm aware that people often think lack of eye contact means someone is being dishonest. It always ends up giving me extreme anxiety within a few seconds and I can no longer focus on what they're saying.

@ellielawrence1207 7 жыл бұрын

For me eye contact is just uncomfortable... I’m always worrying about it .. is that weird?

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Not not weird :)! I think we all wore ya bout it on the spectrum.

@alexmyoga 4 жыл бұрын

”Invading your soul” exactly! Thanks for putting the words on it.

@Super.AmmarI0 7 жыл бұрын

Glad to see you back.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you! It’s good to be back! New year, new goals!!!

@terrysbookandbiblereviews 7 жыл бұрын

I was forced to do eye contact in school by teachers I hated it. It makes me uncomfortable like being invaded like you said Daniel. Awesome video!

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey dude, that’s horrible. Thank you for sharing your story.

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@fresnobob2886 7 жыл бұрын

This topic always wrecks my brain. I'm glad to see/hear new info.

@hagrid6939 7 жыл бұрын

I only have proper eye contact with my parents and my best friends. I find it awkward to not look at people and I find it awkward to look at people in the eyes. So I have a compromise. Just flit between the two.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah totally! Thank you for the comment.

@Parmesana 7 жыл бұрын

that's exactly how I feel about looking into eyes. My mother didn't make it any better. She would scold me and tell me to look at her and tell me I was lying because I wouldn't. Basically, I look at eyes in videos or photos as they can't see me back.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah! Thank you for the comment.

@lydiademello4898 6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. I am looking at this video to help me understand AS. Very interesting why people avoid eye contact--I would never have thought of it. I like the way one person said about personal space, and eye contact. For her/him, eye contact violates his/her personal space and this I could totally understand. But then I thought, well how about videos and photos and you answered that question! They can't see back. Makes sense to me. Very informative. P.S. my son has always had difficulty making eye contact as well. He would look at you and glance away quickly. I used to have to explain to ALL his teachers that he is not being rude, that he just has a difficult time making eye contact (I still think they thought I was making excuses for his "rude" behavior). Again, thanks for sharing!

@GemmasJourneyGrace 7 жыл бұрын

Hello Dan this is a fantastic video!!! This topic I regularly have to explain to people makes me get upset because people still assume I’m rude

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

I know it’s crazy!

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@fangirlmeetsworld7743 7 жыл бұрын

i look to people's mouth but i'm afraid they think i'm having sexual thoughts about them, and that seems to be exactly what they think tbh

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hmm that’s so strange

@rainbows9060 7 жыл бұрын

I think that so funny!

@flowerpot4147 5 жыл бұрын

Totally have had the same thought

@laetitia7088 4 жыл бұрын

I have that it's sooo hard!

@saq546 6 жыл бұрын

I don't give a rat's tail about what 'professionals' think and believe. I'm here because I think Aspies and autistic people themselves know their condition best and I'm going to learn and master it by listening to people like you - thank you for sharing your experience xox

@royporterjr.2764 5 жыл бұрын

Just found your series and love it! I have had issues maintaining eye contact for as long I can remember. I have tried numerous ways that temporarily helped but in the long run, it just seems as natural as breathing to look away when I talk. I would call any professional ignorant that says it is because we don't know the importance of eye contact. I fully know the importance since I know it has even led people to think I am always being dishonest or always hiding something because I look away when I talk.

@CreepersLegacy 3 жыл бұрын

when i have eye contact i start panicking and thinking if i do anything wrong they will see it and i just cant look at peoples eyes

@moonyollie6977 3 жыл бұрын

Yes! Eye contact with people I don't know or trust feels invasive, it gives me exactly the same feeling as when someone steps into my circle of self, sometimes it even activates my flight response. And because I can't necessarily flee, I default to overwhelming logomania

@musicandpoetry_8 4 ай бұрын

Then on top of it, people think you’re rude when you’re just overwhelmed

@kbarb1000 5 жыл бұрын

I work in a garden nursery, middle aged woman. I like to chat to customers, I'm naturally friendly. A man started to chat and he wouldn't look at me, he followed and talked to me for maybe 20 minutes. I got the impression, he didnt interact easily with ppl normally, We had a very easy happy conversation. Then he said "I can't look at you, I'm autistic" I said ok, no probs, we kept talking. Then I looked across at him as he spoke and he was holding eye contact with me, and continued to do so for the rest of the chat. I wondered what this meant. Why he changed? Any thoughts?

@jacketherealking 5 жыл бұрын

I think you must have made him feel really comfortable. Personally I can't even make sustained eye-contact with my own parents. I'm sure you're a great person! I wouldn't be able to keep eye-contact with just anybody. The best analogy I could give it would be; Imagine trying to keep your hand in boiling water, as soon as you touch the water your body retracts. Its not something I can force myself to do.

@kbarb1000 5 жыл бұрын

@@jacketherealking Thanks so much for responding, I hope he did feel comfortable, it was a lovely moment, very special.

@naniyodesu 6 жыл бұрын

It's weird, I find it easier to make eye contact when the other person is talking (how much easier depends also on how close we are), but it's SUPER hard to look people in the eye when I'm the one talking. I instantly feel like I'm struggling to do anything else or think about anything else besides the eye contact, so it's extremely hard to talk AND maintain eye contact without forgetting what I was even trying to say or what we were talking about. I feel like one of the reasons why I may not be picking up signs, hints, and body language from people could be that I sort of need to tune them out completely whenever I'm talking because I need to focus on my train of thought and how and what I'm saying. And suddenly I realize I've been monologuing for an hour because I just got lost and so into what I was talking about that I sort of forgot that it was supposed to be a conversation and the other person might want to say something too and now I feel really embarrassed and ashamed. I haven't been diagnosed with Aspergers or Autism but I've been wondering about it because there're lots of signs of it I recognize in myself, and my mother admitted that she's thought about it before herself when I was younger but we never did anything about it. I have had diagnoses for social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and depression through all my young adult life though and I think these might actually be part of something else and not just stand alone problems themselves.

@TheAspieWorld 6 жыл бұрын

✌🏼

@alexanderoscar2623 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I am so glad to hear what you feel about making eye contact. I really struggle with eye contact. It feels way to intimate and intense. I don't want to see into the depths of their soul, and i don't want them to see into mine.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah I can really get that to.

@russcali4138 6 жыл бұрын

The best tip an Aspie can get is to look at peoples forehead or cheekbones etc. The other person won't realize you are doing that and it wont be nearly as hard as looking directly into their eyes. Every Aspie should learn this as early in life as possible.

@valiantproductionsvaliants9067 7 жыл бұрын

I don’t make eye contact with people I don’t know not because I don’t think it’s important if I meet someone who kind of forces eye contact I will make eye contact it’s not of a matter that I think it’s not important I more of feel uncomfortable by it it’s like they can look into your mind and for me it’s like a personal thing

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hmm that’s interesting thanks for the info.

@breekrueger7077 7 жыл бұрын

Dan. Your eyebrows are on fleek, son.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

🔥🔥🔥🔥

@deadbunnyking 7 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate these videos as my son is about to be diagnosed with autism and is helping me on finding different ways to communicate with him as he is only three so thank you

@elainasmith1700 4 жыл бұрын

I don’t have autism or Aspergers, but I’ve always found eye contact to be horrible. I don’t think it quite struck me until this video how much people actually make eye contact. I didn’t realize it’s a thing people actually do because it feels so foreign to me. When I look into people’s eyes, it almost feels like they are looking straight into my soul, and it’s so uncomfortable. I end up like almost panicking it just freaks me out. I can only make eye contact with my mom, dad, and best friend of 10 years. Also I don’t know if you will see this because this video is two years old, but I’ve been poking around your channel and it has been very useful. as I said earlier I don’t have autism or Aspergers but I do have ADHD and I found that a lot of your tips for Aspergers symptoms are very useful because I have a lot of them because of my ADHD. Thanks for your channel!

@melissasmith2801 7 жыл бұрын

I totally agree about eye contact. I rarely make prolonged eye contact with anyone. If in deep conversation with someone I trust, then might make more eye contact. For the most part when in conversation with someone I am looking all around the room, over their shoulder, up when I'm thinking... when speaking to them and then make very short eye contact to let them know--yes, I am still talking to you. It is very uncomfortable for me to make prolonged eye contact.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

I always seem to look at their noses

@dreamsofjapan8017 7 жыл бұрын

I have ADD & dyslexia and eye contact is a huge struggle for me. I often try and explain to people my feeling on it. Your comment exactly encompases how i feel about it too! I describe eye contact as if I'm reaching into someone's soul, and i feel as if i can see them in there most vulnerable state. The emotions i feel from this are too overpowering so I avoid it when possible. Thanks

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey that’s interesting! Thank you for the kind words.

@dreamsofjapan8017 7 жыл бұрын

Haha its my pleasure, i guess it's a lil funky, btw if you could have a light saber what color would it be?

@zoecreates9776 7 жыл бұрын

I have autism and I have spent days with other humans with out looking at thare faces I hate eye contact people call me a animal/dog because I don’t make eye contact:(

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Don’t listen to them people that’s horrible of them.

@davidsilver1332 7 жыл бұрын

I find peoples eyes very intense and hypnotic. I cant think cleary at all when I see someones eyes on me

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah it’s crazy!

@musicandpoetry_8 4 ай бұрын

Same, I can relate to all the comments on the video

@donthaveonern 7 жыл бұрын

I know I'm supposed to make eye contact with people I'm talking to but I kinda... forget to do it(I often stare at the wall next to the person or just in front of me if the person is next to me), and when I do remember to do it I make it as short as possible because I feel very uncomfortable when I'm making eye contact with people.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah that’s another thing is forgetting that eye contact is a thing during conversation

@sircharlesmormont9300 6 жыл бұрын

I agree that eye contact is oddly intimate. I find that I usually focus my gaze on a person's cheeks or on their lips to try to 'cheat the system.' The person in question then thinks that I'm looking into his or her eyes and that, apparently, is important.

@SarcasticCupcake223 6 жыл бұрын

i only just found your channel now and i'm glad i did. I have ADHD and high functioning ASD. i would have been diagnosed with Aspergers but to my knowledge they don't diagnose it anymore, at least where i am they don't, instead they just lump it in with ASD. i had symptoms my whole life and it went unnoticed till about year ago... i'm 16.... yeah, i went to a specialist in 4th grade only for them to say it's harder to detect in girls... my parents paid a lot for a report that basically just said "it's difficult to detect in girls. She might have ADHD." in other words we went to professionals just for them to say "i don't know" .... my parents just assumed i was neurotypical until I noticed traits about myself! that's how bad it got! that I myself noticed things were off, then we went to a different place last year and i got diagnosed with both inattentive ADHD and ASD... i can't for the life of me look at people in the eyes... not even my own friends... my mum, and dad are literally the only people i can look in the eyes while talking but even so i still don't. i feel like if i try to force myself to look into peoples eyes I end up staring and i imagine that to be quite creepy lol XD so i just look off to the side and occasionally glance at their eyes... then when they look back into my eyes i just look away again XD it's so awkward but i can't help it

@TheAspieWorld 6 жыл бұрын

Oh hey well better now than never!! Glad I have you here!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

@okamiinukiba 7 жыл бұрын

I hate eye contact as well, its weird and invasive.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah dude

@scottbrown7071 7 жыл бұрын

But your eyes are so beautiful to look at! Meant in the best possible way! You have a beautiful soul!

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Why thank you!

@saq546 6 жыл бұрын

I'm a neuro typical trying my very best to understand austism and aspergers so I'm going to listen to people like Dan to learn more.. so far what I've learned is that aspies are lovely people and I think I prefer them to non aspies !

@Daniel-vl8mx 4 жыл бұрын

When I was a kid my mother would literally say "eye contact!" to prod me to do it. I still don't find it comfortable, and I'm in my mid 50s. It feels like people can see right into me, and it actually is physically difficult to hold. At the same time I actually can't see anything at all in other people's eyes. I can't read anything there. I might as well be looking at their ear. In fact it is worse, because I can't even keep focus. I only see really obvious things, like that their eyes are looking away, or downcast, or tearing up. I don't see the things that I understand NTs see. All I'm really doing is a sort of dance - I have found that you need a sort of rhythm, about 3 seconds of eye contact at a time, trying to line it up with when they are saying something, or when I want to add emphasis to something I'm saying. To little or to too short and you look shifty. Hold it too long and people think it is creepy, or you are giving them the predator stare. It is quite conscious, and takes, er, focus.

@sarahcubberley4431 7 жыл бұрын

Only recently got my diagnosis. Eye contact has given me so much anxiety in my life. In school I got told by more than one teacher to make eye contact as it was impolite not to, other people also said this (the same teachers and people who made me suppress my stimming. Then I end up in situations where eye contact is another anxiety with conversation because I felt I had to do it...And then I miss half the conversation because I'm thinking about eye contact. I think my discomfort of eye contact is very much the same as how you describe experiencing it. Now that I have a diagnosis I'm trying to be a bit kinder to myself and doing what makes me comfortable, because I was never the one that needed to change...That's a work in progress. Your videos are very helpful.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey welcome to the community!

@Shinobi_sac 7 жыл бұрын

I'm currently on a waiting list for a formal diagnosis (been 6 months so far), at the age of 28 I've always struggled socially and in particular with eye contact. My doctor didn't really want to refer me for testing, but while being treated for anxiety I was referred to a counseler who, while speaking to, noticed my lack of eye contact and said they saw other signs that I may be on the spectrum - it was them who recommended to the doctor to refer me on. I've always found eye contact really intimidating, and to focus on it takes a lot of conscious effort (to the point of missing a lot of what is actually being said) and leaves me feeling really anxious and confused at times. I do, however, find that it is somewhat easier to look in the area of someone's eyes if they wear glasses, as if the framing of the eyes helps with where to look.

@Kellysheartisadisco 7 жыл бұрын

I was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple of weeks ago and it has made my life make so much sense. Your videos played a part in that, so thank you so much. I totally agree about it being easier to make eye contact with people who are known and trusted. Strictly speaking, I guess I CAN make eye contact with strangers but it sort of physically hurts; like my eyes sting. Do you experience that?

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@anotheryoutubechannelabout1321 7 жыл бұрын

When talking to people, my eyes are looking all over the place except the person I'm talking to, even those I'm closest to, yet, when someone is talking to me, I stare at them intently!

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

That is interesting. Thank you for sharing your comment.

@ruthiemay4799 5 жыл бұрын

After knowing my best friend for over 7 years, I told him, "you've known me for a long time. You can look me in the eyes if you want to." He responded he didn't want to "bond" with me and looking me in the eyes was "bonding." I told him, "there are billions of people on the planet. They look each other in the eyes every day and none of them are worried about bonding! And we bonded years ago." When we share a meal, he will sit across the table from me. That is the only time he will look me in the eyes. He's so cute. 🥰🥰🥰. I'm 70 and he's 64 and never married.

@Zahlenteufel1 6 жыл бұрын

I can look into your eyes (for a couple of seconds) *XOR* listen to what the other person says *XOR* try to come up with something to say. It really sucks to either ignore large parts of the conversation or taking a long time to come up with an answer by which point they usually have started talking again or the conversation has gone in a completely different direction so what just took me so much effort to come up with is now irrelevant and I also miss the next opportunity to say something in that situation because I took the time to think and thereby missed what was being said.

@abbi-.-6444 7 жыл бұрын

Another helpful video. Your videos r helping me understand my brother a lot better. :3

@teriscallon 7 жыл бұрын

this is helping me to understand how people I work with are feeling, thanks

@calamitydeeds 7 жыл бұрын

If you haven't already, I think it'd be helpful if you made a video about meltdowns and what family, friends, etc can do to help the person during and after (and possibly helpful tips on how to avoid one if possible)

@amymamabear5227 7 жыл бұрын

My son is 16, has Aspergers, he has taught himself to give people a decent amount of eye contact! I’ve noticed, of course, he can do it with people he feels REALLY close to, like family and his closest friends!

@sennadelouea797 7 жыл бұрын

I wouldn't say that I don't see the importance of eye contact, but rather it's so daunting that the importance of it is outweighed by the intense feeling of wrongness when I actually try to look someone in the eye when they talk. I agree with the soul thing, and if nothing else I can also compare it to the scene in Harry Potter where Harry and Voldemort cast spells at the same time, and they kind of lock in a struggle to gain the high ground, so to speak.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey thank you for the comment.

@assjack2814 7 жыл бұрын

You should do a video on the facial structures of people with autism, because my eyes are far apart and people asked me if I'm autistic, which is true. And I was actually really curious as to where they learned the information, so I Googled and found you can detect autism severity in the face. Characteristics like far apart, wide set eyes, broad forehead, and wide lips can help us detect autism early in children.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Wow that is fascinating!

@oanaalexia 7 жыл бұрын

I want to understand myself better with you kiddo. I LOVE YOU guys

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Hey! Thank you

@savannahreeves8134 7 жыл бұрын

Can you make a video about tics or stimming and the differences between the two? Love your videos btw!

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

YES!!!!! I was just thinking this today!!

@finflwr 6 жыл бұрын

Yep. It feels like an intimate intrusion. I feel like I 'read' people when looking in their eyes. And that's too much information in an already stressful situation. I'm fine looking into my son's eyes and he looks at mine, but not so much at others. I feel it's very respectful of us ASD folk to respect people enough not to read their soul willy nilly, lol!!

@TheAspieWorld 6 жыл бұрын

Yeah.

@purplecatfish01 7 жыл бұрын

yes! To all of this. My husband has always had trouble with eye contact. He says it is a very intense feeling and that it feels like everything kind of zeros in on the eyes and he loses his train of thought, he forgets what he wants to say, and/or he cannot follow what the other person is saying. The words get lost in the extreme focus it takes to maintain the eye contact. He makes pretty good eye contact with me, and also with our children, but the less he knows someone the more he tends to look away or to the side. He doesn't even realize it sometimes. He constantly reminds me that he is listening, so it doesn't bother me if he looks or not. I don't force our children to look in eyes either, it is really not that important. :)

@rachelk2457 7 жыл бұрын

OMG! I think the same thing about eye contact and why I avoided it growing up. I think someone is looking into my soul too must be a unique autism thing ehehe. but my therapist in high school (who never got me diagnosed with it because she was more sociological therapist ie work with your strengths to make you a better person) taught me it was important so I force myself to make eye contact. But I have to consciously look away every so often so I don't stare too much now.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

That’s awesome

@juniormako6184 2 жыл бұрын

@Bluedrizzle719 7 жыл бұрын

thats the same way I feel about eye contact, like they're staring into my soul or I'm staring into theirs and that's what makes me uncomfortable, so I look away. When I was younger I had strong telepathic abilities, I think I still do but I don't use it as much. I think having autism just makes us sense things more intensely, we feel vibes more and I guess that's one reason why we may decide not to initiate conversations or know how to communicate correctly, I think it varies for everyone. A lot of us want to be able to have friends and when we try to, we try to be like them or be liked by them and then we end up pushing them away or we try to express ourselves but we may seem awkward in our approaches but it's unintentional. While they easily understand communication, for us we work to try to have good communication or we just don't try and instead focus on our special interests because it help us be happy or give us purpose in living here and helps life to feel better other than always trying to communicate and having problems with it... eye contact is easier for those who don't have autism because they're not afraid to say stuff and if they are, they tell white lies to get away with stuff and not hurt or they face them. They use it as a way to get subtle hints, to tell if someone is lying or not or to show that they're serious, or to express anger and intimidate... I think for us with Autism, we experience interaction differently because we have a different frame of mind from the beginning... we sense things more... and it may confuse us but there are different levels of it and that explains the different levels of autism... some of us, want to communicate something and dont know how and it's because we're wired differently from the beginning. It's a pattern that follows us... and we are learning and evolving just as everyone else is, but in a different way, our focus is different and while everyone is trying to communicate with us in their way, we see that we're different because we don't communicate the same and it makes life feel more challenging even though, we may be very talented, gifted, people with so much potential and abilities. They may think there's something wrong with us, but we're just different and just as talented and special with so much potential. People come in all different kinds and with different levels of understanding stuff or with different levels of skills.

@federicanardi7227 7 жыл бұрын

I agree. It is a too much intense experience. I had to learn to do that to do my previous job, and I tried to depersonalize the situation. But there have been moments where I had to step back. I remember this time when I asked my boss to take one of my clients because her eyes were too intense and she tended to look a lot to me in the eyes. And I felt panic when I talked to her, so I wasn't able to focus on what she was saying. I can watch into my boyfriend eyes, instead and it is actually beautiful, the most amazing experience ever. But, even with him, i can't focus on his words if i am looking into his eyes. So, when we talk, i tend to look more at his mouth. That also helps me focusing on the words. I almost think that instead of being less empathetic, as somebody says, probably aspergers could have more empathy on an instintual level. And this is overwhelming.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

That’s hard. It is difficult

@ChubbaBubba 7 жыл бұрын

Eye Contact is as Personal as giving someone a hug or kiss for me..... I look into their souls and physically feel the connection - its intense!!!! I can and DO make Eye Contact when I have to and no professional would even guess I find it awkward.

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

Yeah that’s a very good way to put it.

@shewitt7603 6 жыл бұрын

I have the most trouble with eye contact issues, only mine is the only thing so far that is completely opposite of your issue, my entire life I've been told it freaks people out how much or how intensely I make direct eye contact with others. I feel since I can't differenciate facial expressions and tones in voice seem to not match up, I found early on that it was difficult for someone to lie or to not be effectively sincere if direct contact is made. I have to pull from all the ways I can to "read" people.

@Ohhhwehere 7 жыл бұрын

I was a girl that lived in her own little lovely world, so starting at school was a nightmare, not only was I expected to be sociable and outgoing but I was all in a sudden thrown into a world where every freaking person I met had a desire to look me in the eyes and shake my hand, so I felt attacked and alone, that emotion kept haunting me through all my school years intil I was 19 (I started in school when I was 6) so you could imagine the psychological effect that had on a person. Personally I can't stand looking people in the eyes, it feels so invasive and wrong, its like I am been attacked and I get very insecure and most often rude (as a self defense reaction) But thank the gods when I was 23 I met an amazing lady that knew an insane amount about aspergers so she tolled me that I sould not try to be like those that stared into one another's eyes but do what I felt safe doin, AND THEN she gave me the life changing advise that when I met someone who truly had a need to look into my eyes while talking I should rest my eyes o the spot right over their nose (between the eye brows) for the other person It looks like you are looking in their eyes and so that way I come on as less of a rude person

@TheAspieWorld 7 жыл бұрын

It is crazy the notion of looking into people’s eyes.