Autism In Girls: (Do YOU Do Masking?)

[@stegfam4992]

"Be yourself" I don't know how to anymore....

[@Dancestar1981]

Steg Fam exactly you need time to explore what makes you uniquely you

[@princessshannon7696]

Find something you like to do and go from there. And break your give a damn.

[@seekerlemm875]

Same here.

[@toxicjay8562]

(hugs)

[@nicoka484]

Same

[@Ctrees904]

I've been masking my entire life. It kind of annoys me when I tell people that I'm on the spectrum and they say they couldn't tell. I feel like I have two very distinct identities: the lost and confused real me and the larger-than-life personality I become when I have to interact and connect with other people.

[@sussybaka5322]

Oh my God I am sick of ppl telling me that as well!!!

[@SuperGingerBickies]

+Carolyn Baumgras … Same here, friend. Same here.

[@Dancestar1981]

Carolyn Baumgras life really is a battlefield for us but we need to keep fighting to be recognised and respected

[@camilaleon810]

Same, I had a burnout this year and a co worker asked me if i was autistic. The place was full of lights, couldn’t mask. I relate so much with your idea of two identities. It’s hard, sending light to all of you 🦋

[@elizabthharris6741]

Yeah, I get it completely! I am a talker and I interrupt a lot. I don't mean to, but, if I don't say it, I lose it or obsession later on what I didn't say!

[@ingridvanwaes7252]

"I didn't know masking was an autism trait." Spot on. I've always assumed that everyone does it. At 40, I've been masking so much that I don't remember what I'm like underneath. EDIT: When I asked my GP if I could have asperger's, she said 'Yeah, sure.' That was a relief. I was half expecting her to laugh at me in the face. Got referred for a series of interviews with a psychologist, starting Monday.

[@melarts4686]

The first time I talked to my doctor about it I told her I felt like I was acting 24/7. Her answer: :oh well everyone does that" she didnt start to see my other symptoms until I pressed further with more research

[@dannemoj9105]

After just being diagnosed at 41, I am still trying to answer to question of who I am instead of who I pretend to be for others. I still don't know, but I am happy looking to find that identity than I ever have been being who I thought the world wants.

[@TheAspieWorld]

Oh excellent best of luck!!

[@ingridvanwaes7252]

@@dannemoj9105 Good luck!

[@Dancestar1981]

Daniel Janssen same I was diagnosed at 23 now 38 and decided f it I’m going to live my life doing what’s right for me and not follow everyone else’s expectations of what I should be

[@robynriana396]

Masking is like being in a foreign country, pretending to understand everyone although you don’t speak the language. Think that sounds exhausting? It is! And dangerous, for many reasons including the risk of mental illness from such a lonely life. ❤️ Thank you for the video! 👏

[@jaelamaduin7471]

Yes! I often say I'm like an anthropologist in my own culture.

[@J-Dito]

Me. Absolutely me. I am 32 and undiagnosed (in process, takes a long time in Canada) I have a 5 year old autistic son and through him I've come to find symptoms in myself. It's hard to open up though and my masking skills are so good, but it's SO draining, after any social event I almost always end up sobbing in a bathtub with the lights dim.... it's just...so... exhausting.

[@TheAspieWorld]

✌🏼

[@Dancestar1981]

Jenna Wiebe it runs in families so hopefully this should help in the diagnostic process

[@kevinchavarria6792]

It is very exhausting even with your own family the mask stills stays on during many occasions, Christmas Is my worst holiday because of the family reunions I hate those with such a passion

[@sarahsolomon1949]

I just want to give you the biggest hug. 😢🫂❤You will get though this. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@vortex4238]

I've masked long enough that it's a bad habit. A lot of small lies to people without me even thinking about it. In order to get on their good side.

[@cugrngneer]

I'm in my 50's. This video made me reflect on all the years I've spent being a chameleon. I always find it easier to imitate the people I'm around than to explain myself. If I want to be healthy, that means I need to be very picky about the kind of people I associate with.

[@Dancestar1981]

Tiny House Girl absolutely no soul sucking toxic individuals to be present. Has your intuition improved enough to spot them before it’s too late, it can take a while to fine tune it, unless I just didn’t listen to mine properly in the past

[@cugrngneer]

@@Dancestar1981 Oh yeah, like everything, with experience, I know when to distance myself from someone. I've been fortunate to have good intuition...Not that I always listen. Maturity has made me a better listener :)

[@judith8161]

Holy effing hell, I'm sitting here crying because this explains so much about how I feel in my day to day life. I've always felt like a pretender, and there is always this subtle fear that people might find out that I'm not the way I pretend to be. I know that they would reject me if they knew how I really am, alien to most of them. I don't have friends because I reject people as soon as they are getting too close, knowing that I cannot keep the masking up if I spend too much time with someone. And I'd rather be alone than being rejected again the way I was in my childhood, where the other kids bullied me for being a weirdo. I promised my parents not to give up on life, but watching this makes me feel so sad because I really don't know what to do about my condition. All I know is that little kids love me, so I am probably not all that bad, but as an adult I'm a complete failure.

[@bethanienaylor]

You are loved and accepted just the way you are Judith! Keep learning about yourself!

[@sarahsolomon1949]

You are not a failure. Don’t ever breathe life into that statement. There’s power in the tongue. Speak positive things about yourself. Prayers for you sweetie. 🙏🏾🤗❤️

[@internet_is_trash9587]

I just had an evaluation and my diagnosis was 'neurodevelopment disorder" because I made eye contact and I could carry a conversation without sounding like I had phrases memorized, but I fit other parts if the DSM. Mind you, I am 36, so I've had years and years to learn how to talk to people. I wouldn't come to a psychologist specifically for an autism diagnosis if I thought I didn't have it. The Dr. wanted to make sure it wasn't PTSD and referred me to a therapist. I can't retest for another year. I don't fit the requirements for PTSD, so as you can imagine, I'm quite frustrated at the Dr. and the whole situation.

[@MelissaThompson432]

Yes. I'm afraid to go for a diagnosis because I am afraid the doctors in my area will take this attitude....

[@alysfreeman11]

I’m 60 and yes we learn to copy and mask and come across ‘normalised’....come home and see what I’m really like.

[@Dancestar1981]

Bollocks get referred elsewhere to a clinical psychologist specialising in ASD in adults and retest until you get a proper diagnosis you don’t have to wait 12 months for retesting

[@bakerfritz4681]

@@Dancestar1981 That may be true in the UK (or elsewhere) but where I’m from, if your insurance even covers it, they won’t allow for repeated testing within a certain time frame. and the out-of-pocket expenses to be evaluated are astronomical. Sometimes you have to wait, and even then getting a second referral requires that a primary care doc or licensed therapist believes you and is willing to sign off on it.

[@Pouquiloury]

As a neurodivergent person you're more likely to be traumatised because you can find yourself in situations you had expected because you didn't pick up the clues. So, having ADHD and trauma from early childhood, I now know I am on the Autisme Spectrum as well. But my GP thinks I am neurotypical. He didn't want to refer me to get tested for ADHD either, but I got one from another doctor. Sure enough I was diagnosed at 40 years. I told my GP that my coping skills were masking my traits, but it comes at an enormous energetic cost. Basically going through life suppressing Me all the time. Until I meltdown.

[@strawbee.s]

I masked so much as a kid my parents never looked into a diagnosis and dont believe me now that I have a diagnosis in late life

[@raizinnbran]

SweetTea As a 26 year old woman, I am starting to have this issue. I think that I could potentially be on the spectrum, but due to the fact that I can converse “normally”, maintain eye contact, etc. and didn’t perspectively struggle in school...no one thinks autism could be an explanation for my multiple behaviors. Many of which no one knows about... how do you cope? Can’t help but to feel even mor clueless and alone.

[@larav9710]

@@raizinnbran my parents I am faking Asperger's, like wtf

[@tiffanymann3614]

Mine too!

[@waanaabe-4795]

@@tiffanymann3614 in my case its my BF thinking i'm faking- to him it's an "excuse' to be a bit difficult to live with... thinks my meltdowns are attention seeking "stints"; all the while I just wish NO ONE SEES so what does that tell you? People don't want to think you're different because if true, being mean to you is REALLY mean, y'know, not just "ho common stop it!" but just MEAN, and nobody thinks they're mean.

[@NicoleWyatt]

waanaabe - no offence, but sounds like you should consider getting rid of the whole man.

[@evaaustin5441]

Im a female diagnosed with autism last year, Im 66 ....Masking impacted my life to the point of exhaustion 2years ago ...I simply could not mask anymore the older I got. I saught help and got my diagnosis ....Its been such a relief , after all these years I can allow myself to grow in my own way and just be me .....It feels like my whole life was a performance in order to fit in .Thankyou for bringing this to the public awareness .....

[@SAYTHENAMESVT_CONNECT]

Thank you for sharing your experience

[@Jenn12141983]

Thank you for bringing attention to this...I think masking is the reason I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 35 years old. I actually mentioned to my last therapist that I thought I might be autistic and he completely blew me off, which was incredibly frustrating. I think people assume because I can talk and function in society that I can’t possibly be autistic. No one sees the struggle that goes on inside of me every day 😢

[@fancydancer2016]

I told someone close to me that I thought I was, and she blew me off. I started listing about fifty reasons why and it was like a lightbulb went off in her head. I’m over fifty, and I’ve just always thought I was hypersensitive, lazy, exhausted, picky, rigid, obsessed with certain things like patterns in everything and music, and weird. Never having more than two friends at a time (acquaintances, sure, but they’re not really friends) or knowing where I fit in relationships and why I seem to change all the time around different people makes more sense. I have to be prepared for who I’m going to be around. I’ve had people get mad at me for things I’ve said or done that may not have been socially appropriate and was unaware that was the case. When my “friend groups” cross pollinate it freaks me out and I stop knowing how to act. I just want to hide. And everything seems to have gotten more intense as I got older and have less nonsense I truly care to deal with any more. It is easier to stay home with my cats under a blanket. Sensory things that other people don’t seem to notice can send me into a rage. If I didn’t work in an office where I can shut the door, shut the blinds and turn on a side lamp, and listen to music instead of my coworkers, I don’t even know if I could work outside the house.

[@fancydancer2016]

… sorry for the overshare, but I guess that’s me unfiltered trying to relate…?😊

[@user-jd6cd1gg2y]

Sometimes I wish I never made my mask in the first place, because it feels glued on me. I feel as if si can never be my true self anymore

[@FloraNB]

A psychologist performing a diagnostic test on me ages ago actually told me she noticed I "taught myself to look people in the eye", but after the whole test was done I didn't get diagnosed with autism (although they did diagnose me with PDD and GAD). About 7-8 years, several psychologists/psychiatrists and an ADD diagnosis later, I finally did get diagnosed with ASD. Goes to show how much masking can hinder getting diagnosed, even when it's (sort of) noticed by a professional.

[@FloraNB]

I realise "PDD" may be confusing here: I mean persistent depressive disorder (aka dysthymia), not pervasive developmental disorder (which is an umbrella term that includes autism spectrum disorders, which, as I said, I did NOT get diagnosed with back then).

[@victoriafortruth522]

I will not go anywhere without headphones or sunglasses. The armor of courage! Also light hurts my eyes to a point where I'm dizzy outside without sunglasses.

[@kylesmithisawesome]

For me, it feels sometimes like a burning sensation, a pulling burning sensation

[@Dancestar1981]

Victoria Malinauskas sensory sensitivity is common

[@elvenleaf5589]

Me too lol

[@jennyleann1401]

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 2 years old. When I was a few years older as a child, my mom would say that I don’t have autism anymore. She wasn’t trying to hurt me. She was trying to protect me, but I don’t agree with her doing that. It hurt me and caused a lot of confusion in my life. I also masked my traits. Anytime I’d mention it to anyone, they’d say things like I don’t have autism or don’t look like I would have autism. I’m 27 years of age now. I knew that I was different from everyone else. I had another autism assessment a couple months ago and got diagnosed with autism again. Because of the many years of confusion, I still question myself constantly and don’t know who I am. I’m trying to figure it out little by little.

[@Dancestar1981]

Alyssa Kasparek you don’t grow out of autism you are born with it and in the end you will die with it, the difference is having the acceptance and support necessary to live your most fulfilling life with it and changing the world for the better. Google, and Facebook were created by those on the spectrum as sources of information and communication, breakthroughs in science, engineering and medicine are lead by people on the spectrum. I believe that it will be people on the spectrum who will help develop unique strategies for combating climate change and other international crises.

[@katies7158]

I've never heard this word before. This is why I love this channel. I love not having to be alone. I can't believe other people are so like me. I've felt understood by no one for so long.

[@fanartsy_art]

Masking is the reason why I didn't get a diagnosis from my doctor. I was told "you have the traits, but you've learned to cope with them well enough and it doesn't affect your life too much, so I'm not going to give you an official diagnosis" instead putting it together with my previous ADHD diagnosis as "ADHD with Asperger tendencies". Like my almost daily breakdowns after school/socializing in general aren't making my life hard enough according to this doctor. (Also I know I'm very late to this video)

[@LawNerdAmber]

It's infuriating that they assume it's not affecting our lives without asking us.

[@Pouquiloury]

As a neurodivergent person you're more likely to be traumatised because you can find yourself in situations you had expected because you didn't pick up the clues. So, having ADHD and trauma from early childhood, I now know I am on the Autisme Spectrum as well. But my GP thinks I am neurotypical. He didn't want to refer me to get tested for ADHD either, but I got one from another doctor. Sure enough I was diagnosed at 40 years. I told my GP that my coping skills were masking my traits, but it comes at an enormous energetic cost. Basically going through life suppressing Me all the time. Until I meltdown.

[@chocopanda16]

this video is awesome! love you both!!! I have been diagnosed recently, I'm also a girl, and masking is a HUGE problem for me. I really want to quit masking because it affects me really badly, like self-hatred and stuff. please do more videos together 💕😊

[@TheAspieWorld]

Yay!! Thank you big loves back!

[@rieti3825]

Thank you both for the great video! It's really important to raise awareness about AS in females because it's so under diagnosed. The reason why masking is so much more prominent in females is that the societal norms, demands and expectations for girls are so strickt and rigid that girls with Asperger's develop this coping mechanism to pass them. Females aren't naturally more socially aware but they are thaught, or even forced, to become aware and to behave in a certain manner. This is also why AS in females is often not diagnosed. It's difficult for even trained professionals to spot when you've your whole life been told to do anything you can to hide it.

[@HeartSetFree123]

The neuropsych that diagnosed me said the same thing about my eye contact, but I followed up her comment with telling her how/why/when I learned to make eye contact and that completely fit autism. Those of us who are older and have flown under the radar really need to go armed with our own understanding of our neurology and how autism presents in us.

[@alishar3623]

Thanks so much for helping the female perspective. I myself have struggled for years with depression, anxiety and what was later diagnosed as BPD. One night I was watching a KZbin video about how to stop disassociating and I kept seeing a video about traits in women/girls with aspergers. I watched it and I'm so lucky I did because I finally felt found and relieved. I am 29 yrs old now and I am frustrated at the struggles I'm currently having to go through just trying to get through to a diagnosis but it helps knowing I'm not alone. I've had to take time off work for which I now suspect was a burnout. I now have to go back to work and because I don't have an official diagnosis, I feel like no one will help me. Sorry for the long message but I just want to say that spreading this attention is so important and gives me hope. ♡

[@Dancestar1981]

Mysticell don’t go back to work until you’re ready and have an official diagnosis

[@kellym4255]

Awesome video.. Masking is such a huge thing for many Auties. We were lucky enough to have wonderful professionals who didnt just go by the expected known traits and look at the full picture.. Drs are so quick to use the term "but they dont look autistic". I wish more were trained to really consider just how vast this spectrum is.

[@jmk1962]

I agree, even doctors can be ignorant of what to look for, especially when it comes to girls who can give eye contact.

[@nattr612]

GIRL, I swear we said “border personality disorder” at the same time... Thank you guys for this video, it’s incredibly helpful 💕.

[@mel_cosentino]

I was self-diagnosed recently, weeks before my 40's!! My personality was clear in my 20s for me: I simply was not interested in other people, and if I was, they were mostly men. I got married young and I didn't realise until I got divorced that he helped me so much in my everyday life, helping with shopping, socialising, etc. When I got divorced I changed, but now I know it was not a real change, I pretended to be someone I am not, and the diagnosis just explains my life!! (well, the person doing the official assessment didn't see beyond my masking!)

[@NiNJaHealingJourney]

This video makes my life make so much more sense!! I’m 18, and just got diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder by my psychiatrist I was seeing for PTSD and severe anxiety on June 13 of this year. Please keep spreading awareness for Autism!

[@danceinocean]

Just got diagnosed only because even though I barely knew a thing about autism and had no idea about masking, I told my new therapist "Yeah, I know I can feel that there's something going on with me but I feel like every Doctor I've ever seen I've had a hard time showing them what is actually going on or I've been too afraid to admit to my problems" Literally, I was masking with every therapist I had seen. Until the last one where after two years of "therapy" she said "you aren't really that mentally ill" and proceeded to talk to me like I was her best friend..... that was the point where I went ok I know that I'm suffering but whatever I have is somehow allowing me to hide it from even "experts" in mental health. Quite honestly I was terrified I had either bipolar or split personality disorder because those where the only two diagnoses that I was somewhat familiar with. Sooooo relieved to finally have a better idea of what's been going on and why I've been literally suffering for 30 years.

[@dannemoj9105]

I found so many parallels from Charl's story and my own diagnosis process. I am a 42 year old male and was only diagnosed at 41. I had gone through similar misdiagnoses and began to think that I might have a borderline personality disorder. It wasn't until my 2 year (now 3) was diagnosed as on the spectrum that I and my wife began to see the similarities in both my father and myself to my son's diagnosis. It was so amazing to hear Charl else express the same sense of loss of personal identity that comes with a life of masking. I always thought that there was something uniquely wrong with me. I understand stand how so many on the spectrum can be isolated by their experience of the world being so separate, traumatic, and exhausting. I am so grateful for every story I hear that shows me that I am part of this world. To hear that there are people who can understand something that is so hard to describe when you don't know you are on the Autism Spectrum. Thank you Dan and Charl for helping everyone understand that though we are all unique, there are still others that can understand and relate to our experiences.

[@Dancestar1981]

Daniel Janssen the isolation and rejection is real so is the ptsd, anxiety and depression. I think NTs would describe us as having existential crises in very early childhood because we ask all the really important questions such as Who am I? Is there a god? What’s my purpose in life? Would anyone mourn me if I was dead? From a very early age. We mask it so we aren’t taken to a psyche ward and committed for eternity, or given electric shock treatment or a lobotomy as a so called cure.

[@paranormalzen]

I'm not female, but I think I did a lot of masking before I was diagnosed. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't know what and so I tried to copy what I saw from other people and say what I thought they wanted to hear in order to try and fit in and not stand out. I did have a breakdown in 2009 and I was diagnosed in 2011 as having Asperger's. It was like being born again, but not an easy journey. Since the diagnosis I have had to learn a lot about who I really am and to find my own path in life, rather than putting myself in problematic situations all the time that had started to really impacted my mental health and pushed me into a very dangerous state of mind.

[@TheAspieWorld]

Hey that’s super interesting like having the diagnosis can be so liberating :). Thank you so much for the comment!

[@paranormalzen]

@@TheAspieWorld It was for me, since I suddenly understand a lot more about why certain things were so difficult for me and seemingly no issue for other people.

[@Dancestar1981]

The Aspie World definitely because deep down you’ve always known you were different and the diagnosis validates you

[@mikkareads]

I love your videos, they're helping me so much.... I'm self-diagnosed and I struggle with imposter syndrome, mostly because I can make eye contact. (Though I think I often look more at the bridge of the nose or the forehead.) So when she said she could make eye contact, I felt like crying. It's not that I want to be autistic this badly - I just feel that I finally understand so many things about myself, like I've finally found people that speak my language, after 43 years of feeling like a foreigner in my own skin. And to have that taken from me would crush me.

[@sandyschwartzkopf3510]

I didn't realize how different I was until I was 8. I went to a new school and spent the next year and half almost mute and watching other girls so I could even figure out how to mask. I kept it up and was exhausted until I was about 35. The older I got, the more difficult it was to keep up. Now, the best I can do is keep it up for about 10 minutes. I end up avoiding 1 on 1 interactions and let others take the attention on and off so I can have a break. It is easier hanging out with men, because their social faking is a lot less. Seniors are easier because they are less judgmental of other's social skills. Kids under the age of 12 also go with the flow. It is what it is and it is nice to have other friends on the spectrum. The one good thing that came from learning masking is that now I can read very subtle body language from others. Which is great, unless of course that person is frustrated with me.

[@wooddebra9947]

Been working with this for 45 years. Still working with kids with autism in rural public schools this past year. I wish all the teachers would watch your videos. I am a therapist.

[@AnnaMoomin]

Great video guys 💕 I can’t help but mask now I’ve been doin it that long 😂

[@TheAspieWorld]

Ah yeah!! It’s super interesting. Thanks Anna! 💚✌🏼

[@katies7158]

Same. There's no way my job would keep me if I didn't. But it's so scary when myself breaks through in front of other people.

[@angelcummings7140]

It's weird how we try to protect our weirdness!!!🤣

[@seanohutton3185]

Different country (likely) Different gender (obviously) Different age (probably)... And exactly the same experiences as you have mentioned here. This channel is, I think, super helpful. I find it helps knowing others are experiencing the same thing, and I'm not alone in it. For me, it was growing up and getting in trouble for always being disrespectful and naughty and doing the "wrong" or "impolite" thing, to the worry of me causing my family to be embarrassed. From worry of loosing friends if they knew the truth , through to massive anxiety if work found out I was crazy and a completely different person that I would be fired!... Autistic people mask as a way to exist, male or female, girls or guys of all age groups. It's a thing we do that is totally exhaustive physically mentally and emotionally but it's become so ingrained and has at times helped us avoid a situation, so we keep at it. Personally, in me, it's taken me about 5 years and some big circumstances to realise that I am fine to be me (tho I still catch myself masking). I hope you guys can find some peace of mind... And I'm saying this cos I'd like for other people to be able to gain their own understanding, and ultimately be comfortable in your own skin.

[@lessandra602]

Krazy Katie how do you keep your energy up when masking?

[@Cazipie13]

Great video 🙂 I mask on a daily basis within the work environment, though some days I struggle. It really is completely exhausting, trying to be more self aware and recognising your own limitations is incredibly important in order to look after yourself. 👍✨

[@seanohutton3185]

Super Helpful for girls or guys...And here is my experience. I mask everyday, even when by my self, especially when I didn't know why I was doing it. You feel like your play acting as someone else. After being diagnosed with Autism, I now know why I do it, but it's absolutely exhausting and you struggle to turn it off... I know other blokes with autism who mask behaviour, it's super common as far as I'm concerned. It's only the people who know they are ASD from an earlier age, or that don't care, who don't mask. Family pressure and outside expectations, wanting to fit in, not wanting to admit your different, you find a way to act to cope, and longer to actually work it out... And when you mask so as not to have an issue, people still say your not ASD because you couldn't do *set action/behaviour* if you were autistic... I'm male, and have lived every issue this young lady has. Find a psychiatrist who specialises in autism, so you don't live half your life acting like what you should do, instead of who you are!. It's not just a female problem, and brushing guys with masked autism off by saying "off course guys mask but girls, it's girls who need all the attention"... Why can't it just be a person thing, not worried about if it's male or female, but offer people help Reguardless!.

[@mike_outdoors4918]

Great video, some incredible information and advice. Even though I'm a guy I have masked most of my life, 20 years ago I was just put on antidepressants and beta blockers, which did nothing for me. But last year I decided to persue it and got the diagnosis, like you said, just push for the referral 👍🙂

[@TheAspieWorld]

Thank you so much for the comment!

[@statix1]

I masked and still do. I'm also male. I guess I trained myself working in retail. I was diagnosed at 35 and had been through years of the mental health system. Misdiagnosed constantly until I saw a psychologist who specialises in ASD. He picked it straight away. I had no idea.

[@Dancestar1981]

Tim Saunders once you see the right person everything clicks into place and it is such a relief. You have an explanation for why somethings are difficult for you and that you are not broken just wired differently. You are validated as a person and a whole new world of possibilities opens up.

[@adrianlauer]

I'm a fellow aspie diagnosed at age 4 and I have ADD, depression and generalized anxiety. My parents never talked to me about my Asperger's. My mom sees me as perfect the way I am. I feel like my father felt ashamed of my Asperger's as he picked on me alot. As I got older the more I started masking. Masking impacts every aspect of my life. I had to mask to be able to get a job. I've been getting mental health services for 4 and a half years.

[@SuperGingerBickies]

As someone who has been late diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum, I subconsciously had to resort to 'masking' because my family (and other people outside of family) were always picking me up on (what I know now are) tics and. There was another reason to 'mask' and that had to do with certain family issues, such as physical and mental illness. I often found myself very stressed, very tired, very ill and very frustrated and irritable because of it - like today, my mind froze (heaven knows how many times) when I was at the hospital for an out-patient's appointment answering a lot of questions! Needless to say, y physical health has suffered, too. Four years on from my AS diagnosis, I still struggle and resort to 'masking' in public and in front of company. I'm not being false, it's just a matter of not having to put up with another shed load of stress on top of what is there already. Peace and All Good to you and all you hold dear. Great job, Dan!

[@TheAspieWorld]

Hey thank you for your input!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

[@Sweetsurey]

I've just been diagnosed (24 yo) and I didn't know what masking was. Now I understand why I can "fit"sometimes and copying characters I like :P

[@TheAspieWorld]

Heck yes!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

[@Dancestar1981]

Sweetsurey science fiction can be a great safe space for us especially science many of us fans, I would argue probably at least 95 percent are somewhere on the spectrum whether we have been diagnosed or not.

[@MsLPSFOREVER]

Okay so the characters thing, do you like picture your outward appearance as being that character instead of yourself and NOT as dissociation. I do this ALL THE TIME and I thought I was weird AF for it.

[@jennadee6761]

I honestly don't know who "myself" is, because I'm constantly either being my "work-self" or "exhausted, selectively mute couch potato self". 😣

[@holliew36]

Appreciate this so much, there needs to be more awareness on masking in general, it wasnt til I found out about masking that I knew for sure I was autistic! Thanks for sharing and helping the cause guys 😊❤

[@Pouquiloury]

I recognize this so much. As a neurodivergent person you're more likely to be traumatised because you can find yourself in situations you had expected because you didn't pick up the clues. So, having ADHD and trauma from early childhood, I now know I am on the Autisme Spectrum as well. But my GP thinks I am neurotypical. He didn't want to refer me to get tested for ADHD either, but I got one from another doctor. Sure enough I was diagnosed at 40 years. I told my GP that my coping skills were masking my traits, but it comes at an enormous energetic cost. Basically going through life suppressing Me all the time. Until I meltdown.

[@rowanb2355]

I struggled for decades! Not till age 37 I was "discovered"! I guess I should just consider myself a good actress? LOL Great vid as always guys! #superherosquad

[@jessicaoppegaard374]

I lose myself in my games or pictures or coloring when in public I want to disappear

[@Dancestar1981]

jessica oppegaard disassociation is so common as a protective mechanism we may be here in body but our mind and spirit will totally be elsewhere. As a child and even sometimes now mum will still claim I’ve got my head in the clouds or would forget it if it wasn’t screwed on.

[@Dancestar1981]

It’s only recently that I figured out I have the appropriate language to translate this thought into speech for the first time

[@ninan2670]

@@Dancestar1981 I would love to talk to you about this. I am in South Africa. If I post my whatsapp number, could we discuss this further? I am totally traumatised by the absence of any help or understanding.

[@aroangelique]

Masking is exhausting and regarding work I know I get a burst of hyper-activity/bizarreness after surpressing so many elements of myself! It's like taking a mental bra off at the end of the day xD

[@heatherglover5499]

Wow! Thank you soooo much! This topic is so important and it's great that there are people out there actually understand this part of being an autistic female. I had wondered for years why I was so different only to be told that I'm perfectly fine, and they just put it down to what was going on in my life at the time. Masking is such a big part of my life that I do often have identity issues. Over the last 8 years I have been on such a journey and it's only been in the last couple of years that I have felt truly heard. So thank you again!

[@Dancestar1981]

We should all get an academy award for being the best actresses as we do this all our lives

[@spudraider737]

Also I am quite slow when it comes to responding such as if someone asks me a question I may take 5 minutes to respond then it might not be a correct answer

[@Dancestar1981]

SpudRaider it’s because it takes longer to process the information there is a delay in response time unless you are responding in writing rather than orally

[@crystalakers8324]

Me to ive always had hard time registering things right away some thing I get right away but then some I never get registered al the way

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

I have a delayed response, too, not to the extent of 5 minutes but it does take more than a few seconds to start formulating a response to a lot of things people ask me.

[@beeallen-hine1421]

I’ve masked my entire life and couldn’t show the real me as I don’t know who that woman is . You just pick up others peoples behavior and mimic it . Such a struggle ,

[@TheAspieWorld]

It can be such a struggle

[@Dancestar1981]

B Allen time for a journey of self discovery learn new skills, travel try a new hobby do something just for you

[@patriciacobb9705]

if it's any consolation..when you reach senior citizen age, you can drop the masks and be yourself...I'm the happiest I've ever been

[@icravedeath.1200]

I have a very weird habit like that. When I'm in conversation with anyone, I'll unconsciously start mimicking their accent.

[@beeallen-hine1421]

@@icravedeath.1200 done that my whole life not, maybe that would make us great sales people lol. Very relatable

[@codywilford5816]

I’ve been masking my entire life, I don’t know who I truly am anymore. Knowing that’s it’s a symptom of ASD Is letting me re-discover who I am

[@TheAspieWorld]

Ywah

[@gabriellejae8128]

My thing has always been locking myself in my room after spending extended periods of time around people or animals (because yes, I even find being around my dogs to be too much after a while). My room is my safe space where I can unapologetically be myself without having to worry about what people think of me. I can let my time-blindness and hyper fixation take over so I can just enjoy the things I love. Though that certainly doesn't take away from the fact that masking is exhausting and I'm also incredibly introverted too, it's just my way of coping with it.

[@Pouquiloury]

Yes: when I am socially exhausted I sometimes can't even cope with my cats and dogs. They want and need attention and sometimes my sensory system is just too overloaded that I can process it anymore. It is just too much.

[@insertname1857]

ranting, please ignore: doctor didn't want to diagnose me because i'm "not impaired enough" socially because she only talked to my mom about my skills and childhood. and im good at masking (i just appear only slightly awkward according to a friend) so my mom didn't realise i struggled then and now and my entire childhood i had no friends. sure, i was on the playground with children- but i played NEXT to them, not WITH them. people wouldn't talk to me (unless they needed help with homework). i don't understand how to make friends, the only ones i have were made for me by others. in general i struggle to understand people. the doctor didn't even ask me about any of my experiences, just my moms perspective which clearly isn't all she saw. i WAS diagnosed with ADHD (and i have a prior for OCD) but the doctor saying "well you don't have social issues" caused me to have a serious breakdown because oh boy being invalidated and your struggles ignored hurts when it is something you are deeply insecure about already! so then i finally told my mom the truth about literally my whole life that she never saw because i was at school and she was like oh and we're hoping to go back to the doctor and have her hear the full story of my life. its also hard bc i mask in front of every single person, including the doctor, and only drop it when i'm completely alone.

[@zyloe8303]

I love your videos! So helpful! Your previous video with the same girl actually led me to pursuing a diagnosis with an autism specialist, great news is I received my official Aspie diagnosis a week ago, paperwork yesterday! It's been wild, but I'm really happy knowing that I'm not just a weirdo and there are so many people out there like me. A pro tip for any other girls out there who are unsure: I read this book called Aspergirls by Rudy Simone and it describes autism in females PERFECTLY like I felt like I was reading my own biography.

[@Dancestar1981]

Zyloe Yes Rudy Simone’s book is wonderful

[@aprilwebber7682]

I'm 36 and female and was recently diagnosed with spectrum disorder level 2 , ADHD, OCD and shopping for groceries is a nightmare .

[@DeMiTriDreams]

I'm a 23 year old female myself and am trying to get a diagnosis.. it's hard though because I still live with my parents and am unemployed and my parents don't make much money. I don't even have enough money to get a diagnosis and getting/keeping a job is very very hard to me and usually puts me in a suicidal state of mind but it may be my only choice soon... ☹️ Dunno what to do but ill keep moving forward and try to figure it out

[@TheAspieWorld]

Urgh!! Right!? - the lights the noise 😭

[@Dancestar1981]

Jazzy Blaze don’t force yourself to work if you’re unable to I did and it resulted in many nervous breakdowns to the point where I just refuse to do it anymore

[@Dancestar1981]

April Webber have you tried making lists, online shopping and a delivery service to overcome those issues I recommend giving it a try if you’ve got computer access because then you can stay in a comfortable environment and not stress

[@monkeyman2407]

I only knows what works for me, but have you given shopping during less busy hours a try?

[@MmeGherkin]

I’m 45 and undiagnosed so far. But, speaking specifically of eye contact, I used to not do it. I think I have sensory issues as well, and making eye contact makes it harder for me to listen. What I’ve learned in making eye contact is my senses are heightened because I’m picking up on their verbal through their words, but their non verbal through their eyes. If I trust your verbal and non verbal alignment...I won’t make as much eye contact. If I detect deception (verbal and nonverbal isn’t lining up), I will make more eye contact. I have years of neuros telling me I was wrong about my ability to pick up on those nonverbals...only to prove them wrong. If anyone says to me, ‘I’m sure they didn’t mean it THAT way...’ or ‘I didn’t mean it THAT way...’ conversation over. Mixed messages and I won’t play that game anymore.

[@KimmyGibson]

At 62, I suspect I've had this my whole life and masked it well. My overall physical and mental health has deteriorated to the point where I'm literally saying, I can't pretend anymore, or, I can't go anywhere because I can no longer 'wear my mask'. I've never been diagnosed, but have taken the on-line tests suggested and score high on both the Aspy and social anxiety tests.

[@Dancestar1981]

KimmyGibson if you’re scoring high it’s highly likely you are the official diagnosis can give you access to necessary supports if you persist on getting it.

[@annemcintyre9620]

If I'm myself I hurt people because they think I'm rude and misunderstand my attempts to communicate

[@TheAspieWorld]

That can be a huge challenge. Hang in there you are doing awesome!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

[@bunnybaker2289]

Anne McIntyre this is really relatable. This a lot of why I’m usually quiet and passive

[@LawNerdAmber]

You've said it so well. 💗

[@Aly-hu4zw]

Ditto

[@susanhowell9747]

I mask a lot I’m 35 with autism u r amazing doing all these videos creating awareness well done

[@TheAspieWorld]

Thank you so much!!

[@susanhowell9747]

The Aspie World no problems love watching videos it inspires me to try be better human being

[@rebeccadunn2306]

"Autism is not a diseas" THANK YOU!!! Little story thing 😂 my friend who wants to be a phycologicsl messaged me saying i need to get medication because my 'illness' is affecting me and embaresing to be around... She cept mentioning it like an illness that can be cured and I felt pretty hurt. Especiyl considering I have had less meltdowns and overstimulations this year due to feeling less stressed than before. She has ghosted me now but I tried to explain that I am trying my best but got no reply

[@marymark4814]

Great questions Dan can tell they were thought through! And wonderful answers Charl!

[@Keyannakrazewolfie]

I force myself to make eye contact lol its become a thing I can manage, but it doesnt mean its comfortable or easy

[@glomianpizza]

Currently going through an ASD diagnosis process and I definitely have used masking as coping mechanisms. The light and sound side of ASD makes so much sense as I had to quit a job at my SU bar because they kept putting me on a bar where there was strobe lighting which really made me anxious.

[@Dancestar1981]

Sarah Fry strobe lighting actually makes me throw up I couldn’t ever go to discos because of it

[@FloraNB]

I prefer "person with autism" to stress that it's a disorder that's a part of me, while "autistic person" feels more like it's defining my whole identity. But I definitely get Charl's take as well, and I don't really take offence either way.

[@Ratkity]

I'm a 56 yo female and am great at masking. That said, it has become more exhausting now as I've aged. Sayings in conversation said when I was young are not relevant to today's culture. I have to watch the imitations I memorized when I was younger. Who in the world knows what BFE is? What it means to chew nails and spit tacks (I thought Mom meant fingernails.. d'oh, literal)? I've ended up not being able to bring up words to express myself. The actual words to express my feelings instead of using old (and/or local) colloquialisms fail to come out of my mouth. Ugh. Massive energy drain. I also have trained myself to look at someone's face. It doesn't mean I'm looking at their eyes, I'm usually looking at micro expressions. Is that person's words matching mouth and eye muscle movement? Then are they mad (at me?), are they listening to my input, are they spewing BS... ugh. I get frustrated. There are not many of older autistic/Aspies and adult autism specialists are hard to find. Everyone I've looked for only deal with children. I live in a big metropolitan area too. Adult high-functioning Aspie's are just thrown in the U.S. mental health system (broken) when there's a crisis/meltdown issue.

[@fjordsi7404]

I'm in my 30s and dealing with the same thing with language, it shifts so quickly. It is very hard to have to relearn words and phrases

[@Dancestar1981]

Ratkity I recommend looking up Tony Atwood’s websites for a great source of information. He’s the Australian guru on Aspergers and Autism in adults and he and his clinical colleagues have written many helpful books and quite a number on women in the spectrum

[@Dancestar1981]

Ratkity we process info differently often by looking anywhere but a persons face as we search for answers looking into eyes too much is like staring into the very soul, it feels like we are invading someone’s personal space have to do it in short bursts, even I do diagnosed at 23 now 38 still coming to terms with many things including living independently for the first time in my life

[@Dancestar1981]

MaeB language changes for different groups and different ages and generations we need Star Treks universal translator to fully succeed, and that’s even before you take into account different towns, states counties and countries etc

[@SirNancelot]

I think masking may be more prevalent in girls because society is stricter on girls’ behavior. For example, if a boy is fidgeting, teachers often say, “oh, he is a boy, theyre more hyperactive.” But if a girl is fidgeting/stimming, teachers can be extremely harsh on this. Ask me how I know, haha. My brother stimmed a lot, but he was never reprimanded. Adults and teachers constantly reprimanded me, and publicly shamed me, for stimming. So I do hide it to a degree, but I allow myself to rock or flap my hands in public now, and I dont care how people respond.

[@arundatidaniel3064]

Thank you so much for sharing. I am 43 and never knew i was an aspie till people betrayed me badly this year and i began to shutdown cutting all communication with the people closest to me though they were the ones who loved me most. I realised i masked all my life - not on purpose. Just to cope. So much that when i gave my sisters a list of aspie signs they said none of it described me but i knew almost every sign perfectly described me. I masked so well! It is darn exhausting and i struggled with all of the issues on a daily basis. Now i know and i am finding myself again. There is freedom and fear because many people are not going to believe nor accept who i really am. Not even my husband. But i got to face it.

[@gameguy73]

I think the tendency to mask has to do with social awareness. I think the reason this is seen more in women than men has to do with the fact that women are more aware socially than most men. Of course, over generalization of gender tendencies can lead to stereotyping and those who don’t fit that mold being overlooked in testing. According to recent testing, I’m fairly adapt at masking and I’m a guy. I didn’t even know what masking was.

[@SunflowerSpotlight]

Her hair is... not just brighter than my future, but everything I could wish for. Just so well done!!! Braids look so dope in really hair like that. A cascading waterfall braid, or a crown updo would look so gorgeous. I’m not usually so into hair, but SERIOUSLY! It’s angelic!

[@jaelamaduin7471]

I totally identify with that! When I was a child the ASD diagnosis did not exist and I got PDD-NOS, ADHD, Dysgraphia, audio/visual processing disorders, and OCD so even my parents (and mental health professionals who don't know me) were resistent to the idea, not knowing or considering that PDD-NOS has been included under the Autism Spectrum. As a teen I got CPTSD, Depression, and anxiety added to the pile. Please note I currently don't have an official ASD diagnosis just yet, as I've been focusing on caring for my 2 children who are diagnosed with ASD. I've been self identifying for the past 10 years, and I'm just now gathering all pertenint data to bring into my first meeting with a neuropsychologist. I'm probably going to bring them an enourmous pile of data lol. It's hard when people who don't know me insist that I'm not Autistic because of masking and that I just have personality flaws I'm refusing to work on or something, or worse people think I'm on drugs (I don't do drugs at all fyi lol) Like I'm supposed to suddenly change how I percieve and communicate "because its easy" uggg. It's so frustrating! On the flip side, when I opened up to people who know me well, they just nod their head saying "ya that totally tracks." :'( I seem to get that response more these days, yet I'm still expected to stop any annoying aspie trait in the given moment (like suddenly knowing how to take turns in a conversqtion lol). Now I'm getting that validation I wanted and I'm upset, suddenly wondering if my masking has always been this bad lol! I think I'll always feel like an anthropologist in my own culture. Guess each scenerio has it's issues. Personally I just wish people would accept my aspie traits and maybe work with me a little by spelling things out and offering tips if they want me to do something differently.

[@clayfinity5501]

Great video but a Q: I have always known something was off with me, from early childhood I never fit in, could not keep friends for long and I realized a few years ago I had become a social chameleon perfectly mirroring other people's behaviours ( which I have been receiving a good amount of criticism from my partner for too...) Apparently I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 5-6 BUT my parents just let it float because they did not want their kid ot have a psychiatric paper proving she was a psycho... And I am unable to get out of the fatique, which I now understand why I have in the first place - so thank you for that guys

[@Messikaru]

Ive had a job for 2 years in retail/customer service in a supermarket. As a woman on the spectrum this is h e l l Constant masking and sensory overload - I'm exhausted after every shift 😂

[@unchartedwaters263]

Sunglasses are a must!! I wish I wouldn’t be so paranoid about someone coming up behind me to wear the headphones out in public

[@TheAspieWorld]

I had that fear to. I just decided to go within and see what happens

[@Dancestar1981]

Piper L sunglasses absolutely

[@Dancestar1981]

The Aspie World do you know there are quite a lot of actors that are on the spectrum too I hope it means that the rest of us have a shot in the industry as it’s what I’ve always wanted to do but never had the support or opportunities before, but that seems to be changing

[@ayisasirek7790]

But genuinely, I know you've said only neurodivergent people mask but it just confuses me so much because really doesn't everyone mask? I can't actually believe that there are people who can be "themselves" all the time everywhere

[@ginasmith9523]

I rehearse conversations with friends when alone so I can communicate better. I have done this for many years. I even imagine what they might say so I know how to respond. Also if someone ask me what I’m doing I state what I did the day before, mostly because I don’t know what they are asking me.

[@benjaminford9932]

As an autistic (as in I am autistic) health professional - CBT therapist - I couldn't agree more that there is a lot of ignorance about autism in the medical profession. It's not universal, there are some really good individuals, teams and services across the UK but, there are plenty of GPs that will spout the old chestnut 'You can't be autistic because - insert appropriate stereotype'. Rest assured there are people in health services trying to make a difference and pushing to get autism recognised and appropriate support, services and treatment put in place. There is even a, very small and not yet ready to go public, group of autistic therapists and counsellors that have just made contact with each other. Very early days but, I'm hopeful that we will be able to bring about some influence with our professional organisations as a collective rather than lone voices. Last year NHS Improvements published a five year plan for Learning Disabilities and Autism which the NHS must put into practice. The framework is good but, as with a lot of things there is wriggle room and things may well get watered down. In theory there should be opportunities for autistic people to be involved in deciding how the plan is developed in their area. People need get involved in this otherwise neurotypical/predominant neurotype people will control it and it won't be something that works for us! With regard to problems getting your GP to acknowledge and take appropriate action i.e. refer to a diagnostic service, first, make sure you are able to make your case, take notes with you as to why you think you are autistic and have some examples that back up what you are saying. Don't feel afraid to take someone with you to support and corroborate. The NAS have some good information about this on their website. If you continue to have problems don't hesitate to speak to your local Patient Liaison service (PALS) or your local Healthwatch team. They should be interested to hear what you have to say and may be able to intervene or suggest a way forward. Hope this helps.

[@MyNotBirthday]

I’m a girl with autism diagnosed later in life. The struggles.

[@luckycharmranch]

Thank you! I’m 55 years old, and just learning that I have Autism. I have masked all my life and had no idea. I am so grateful for your videos. I am learning so much about myself, and I am currently unmasking. Thank you for the support and information. As a side note, I would Love to learn about health issues with Autism and how to deal with the whole gut issues problems and what we need to consider in our health care, and metabolism, adrenaline’s, stress, etc..

[@t778-c3i]

It was hilarious when you said a lot of guys might be like "just gonna be me, sod it!" I'm a girl and not very good at masking, a bit frustrated with trying to be, and I literally say this in my head all the time haha

[@TheAspieWorld]

Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

[@cerahbailey9666]

This is me.... Everything you guys spoke about summed me up.

[@heidihoser85]

When you feel someone is seeing that you're masking, so it makes you feel even more out of place and anxious... I still don't have a full diagnosis. I've been diagnosed with so many different things, and now my psychiatrist is stuck on thinking I just have autistic tendencies, anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and sensory processing disorder... They don't get how much I'm hiding from them because I don't want to be completely vulnerable with anyone.

[@Pouquiloury]

Yes, I hide too, because I don't want to be completely vulnerable with anyone anymore (too much hurt)

[@La3780]

Wow... you all have been so helpful! I think that’s why it’s been so tough for me, when seeking help from counselors in the past!! I didn’t know what was safe enough to open up about, but I knew I was suffering and wanted to feel better. I remember counselors DC-ing me after a few months of sessions and sometimes I would feel better (a bit) b/c they’d taught me a few new coping skills, but overall I was thinking “we can’t be done!!”. Once, I had the selective mutism, at age 15... after my dad died. The court ordered counseling but I could not speak to them. I wanted help but I just could not convey what was going on, inside. So I isolated a lot, got lost in Smashing Pumpkins & Nirvana and a year later started my long journey into alcoholism.

[@adamantramona9175]

I didn’t know about masking at all. It is thanks to these videos that I am working on getting diagnosed. I found that I disassociated all my life as well. Like I always felt I was driving a meat suit lol. When I got more in my body, I found a lot of sensory issues. I probably started disassociated at a young age to cope. Also I recognize where I was also masking a lot. Thank you for the videos about girls!

[@Takillas149]

I've only recently discovered masking, I'm a man, and it has brought my autism from speculation into an absolute certainty. For me, if I didn't blend in better I would die. Yes, it was a matter of survival that I took seriously and still do. I've never been great at it because I always talk to myself and rocked all the time. I masked by developing rules: you follow the rules, and people will like you more because they won't know how odd you are. Yeah, it's depressing to think about.

[@TheAspieWorld]

Oh super super interesting thank you for sharing!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

[@Lumppa4]

First I found out I have adhd but half of the time I was still unsure if I had it or not, because it explained half but not all - recently I realized that I have aspergers too and then everything just clicked and it feels like I can now understand myself and the way I am and why I am like this 🖤 still in the process of getting diagnosed but now I'm sure 🖤

[@InChrist35]

Been in a confused state for 30 years... this video will help so many people. This is my story had a mental health crisis 12 years ago and just now realized its asbergers. Been my own detective 🕵️‍♂️. About to get borderline personality disorder.

[@SunflowerSpotlight]

Great point about self-advocating. I’m not Autistic, but a chronic pain patient. My symptoms started at 11 and I was too ill to physically attend school for several years. At first some doctors were concerned I had been abused and this was either a cry for help or that the abuse was routine and had changed the way my body reacted to stimuli, to expect pain and overreact when it didn’t need to. When they ruled that out, that was kind of... it. They said, “We don’t know what it is really or what’s caused it, but it’s similar to your mom’s history, so maybe it’s inherited? You could maybe go to her specialist and see what they think? Or refer you to somewhere else?” Which read as s big flag being waved saying, “I’m not responsible for treating this, I’m in over my head, and don’t come back to me about this. I already sent you away! Just go!” Then came the concerns from doctors about my age, that I was more likely to misuse medication or sell it or give it to a boyfriend or friend or get addicted. Then there were the concerns, again, that I was just imagining it and believed it to be real but it wasn’t a physical response. Then maybe it was that I wanted comfort and attention. All that before even thinking I might be serious and an actual pain patient in actual pain who would like to have a better quality of life. 18 years later and I’m still jumping through hoops to prove I’m not an addict trying to score meds, despite no red flags popping up, because there are none to find. I don’t dislike GPS for not knowing much about things, because it’s a very broad pool they’re in; they can’t go very deep and get much done. They need to know enough to treat simple stuff and to know what specialist you need if your issue is more involved. That’s it. What I DO have an issue with was that specific GP’s response about the eye contact. You don’t say, “This one trait, of 14-20, you don’t have it. That’s not how it works! The vast majority of people who have anything going on with them, an illness, disease process, disorder, syndrome, whatever, don’t have all the symptoms. My illness has about 25 common symptoms, making it very broad and hard to spot sometimes, especially in cases of comorbidity, where there’s another health problem that can have the same or similar symptoms (like depression). The diagnosis criteria, however, consists of three or four points, one of which simply being that it didn’t just pop up last week but has been a persistent issue for three months. Just because I don’t have excessive gas and tingling in my hands doesn’t mean I don’t have the illness. That’s... ridiculous. That, however, is more an issue of a bad doctor rather a commentary on the medical process. If he had done what is supposed to happen, he’d have admitted, to himself if not you, that he was not equipped with the necessary knowledge to make any kind of ruling on the situation and he’d realize it would be in the best interest of the patient for this to be looked into, then give you a referral. I’ve been on both sides of the medical field and I really dislike it when bad doctors do their thing; it makes the good ones who are really and truly fighting hard. Working through the bars of the red tape from their cells walled with protocol, they can only do so much in certain cases, but simply not trying isn’t acceptable. If a doctor makes a call that wouldn’t be acceptable for their spouse or kid, if they’d not be happy with that route of investigation or treatment, it’s time to find someone worthy of the responsibility.

[@Bearingz]

Thank you so much for this vid and others with a focus on females in particular, as there's still so little material out there. Recently diagnosed here (early 30s) and it was a bumpy road. After masking, or if I've been masking too long or if the situation I'm in is particularly intense with a lot of expectations and people and sensory input, I will get super tired then get a headache which increases my stress/anxiety, which can then trigger a migraine lasting up to 7 days. Meds are useful but not a solution. It's making it very hard to find work because of the fear of ending up with 24/7 pain which would clearly affect my work as well as my mental wellbeing. I'm trying to find a job where I can be myself more to reduce the likelihood of pain, but no luck so far. :/ I welcome any luck and/or prayers people can send my way. I'll be hoping and praying for other struggling ASD people out there too. :)

[@Dancestar1981]

Bearingz I suffer from migraines too and I’m a female Aspie always thought they were stress related

[@Bearingz]

@@Dancestar1981 What also helped was watching Invisible i's video on shopping. Shopping almost always gives me a headache or migraine unless it's a very quick trip to a small shop with few encounters with people.

[@bluedamsel1185]

I have just started work as a support worker, I've had so many anxiety attacks and have felt physically sick because I have to force myself to 'be' this other somebody in order to 'fit in'. My colleagues are nice people but I cannot identify with any of them and as strange as this may be, I get on better with the service users who happen to be far more easy going and uncomplicated. I have no space to wind down for a moment because the manager seems to be on edge most of the time, isn't the friendly chappy he likes to make out to be and likes to vent his hissy temper when things don't go his way, my colleagues like him, they think he is funny; I on the other hand see a threatening ghoul. It is very stressful keeping my mask from slipping down. :(

[@jennymcm4823]

Charlottes hair and makeup looks amazing

[@madeleinehenricsson226]

When NT people look at you with a "what the f**k is she sayin' weird look" then you know the masking has failed for a sec/minute. I then realize how I really react my natural way

[@lenamarie2071]

Even the specialists here in the U.S. only know how to diagnose children. I'm 41 and went to a specialist in ASD earlier this year; because I made eye contact with her, she said I couldn't be autistic. I've been masking so long I don't know how not to mask anymore. Our doctors need more education :/

[@Dancestar1981]

Lena Marie drs are useless at diagnosis you need to see a clinical psychologist who specialises in autism spectrum disorders in adults for psychological testing

[@Garryokee100]

Ive never heard it called Masking before. Ive always said I "Camouflage" my Aspie ways. Im almost 50 and have done it as for as long as I can remember.

[@Dancestar1981]

Garryoke100 different term but same thing

[@diontaewalsh4300]

I'm a male on the spectrum and I know there were times I would hide behind my mask because it let me fit in with people and be accepted instead of feeling like the outcast. The more I watch your videos the better I feel about myself knowing I wasn't so weird just misunderstood.

[@erginatalar2931]

The automatic subtitles tranlates "If you have a strong feeling that you 'are autistic' " to 'all too sick' 😂 Anyway.. good conversation!

[@KitKat-7417]

I mask all the time because I just cant handle the judgements from people. "*you* have autism??" And the classic "you dont look autistic." Every therapist ive had since my diagnosis has said "i dont think you have autism" and then made accusations about my diagnosis. Thats why i am no longer in therapy. And a nurse even said one time "you arent autistic because you are making eye contact." But i dont make eye contact, i look at peoples mouths or even their nose sometime. None of these people were experts on autism at all but they assumed they knew anyways. My mom always thought i was on the spectrum but no one took it seriously. I wasnt diagnosed until i was 17, and now SOOO many things make sense about my past. Like im not just weird, there is a reason why i am the way i am. But i still mask just because i dont have the tools to handle what people say.

[@Dancestar1981]

Lovey Mills over time we can learn how to do so much but we have our own limitations. There are just something’s we will never be able to do and we have to learn to accept that, and teach everyone else to as well. When we are aware that we are struggling we will ask for help but sometimes we just need to be left to do things our own way too

[@Uvvibes]

Girl is so stunning love her aesthetic, sorry I haven’t watched enough to learn her name

[@RenNightshade]

almost every one of my siblings is on the spectrum, and I swear I never once was told what the symptoms are for girls and now I'm sitting here going, oh, yeah all this adds up now...

[@TheAspieWorld]

Oh wow!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).

[@RenNightshade]

@@TheAspieWorld I did due to this has all been helpful, and I am so glad I found your channel it really helped a lot

[@saratk5815]

‘How can we be sure that NTs don’t mask also..?~

[@abbieshannon845]

Great video. True for me, and im pretty sure true for a lot of people