Autism, Masking, and Why Sometimes I Can't Stop Smiling

Today I talk about my experience as an autistic adult who has spent a large portion of my life masking. As a result I often mask through pain and discomfort, and respond with smiles and laughter when I feel exactly the opposite. Today I talk about how those responses have become almost automatic sometimes now and how when I get nervous or upset I find myself automatically smiling and laughing even when I don't feel happy at all.
Welcome to Autmazing! We talk a lot about autism around here because as a family with at least four kids and a mom and dad on the autism spectrum we believe that autism acceptance is extremely important. We also post family vlogs daily, about our lives. You'll get glimpses of what's going on at the moment in our lives, usually in a little town in Michigan, or in the nearby city that Paul works in.
This schedule isn't super strict but generally I am trying to stick to it:
Monday- Autism Sit Down Video focusing on Parenting and Autistic Kids
Tuesday- Day in the Life
Wednesday- Fun Activity with the Kids
Thursday- Day in the Life
Friday- Adult Autistic Perspective Sit Down Videos
Saturday- Day Off or News Videos (or sometimes random videos!)
Sunday- other (random, depends on what's going on)
We are a family of 7, with a Mom named Cammie and a Dad named Paul. Sadie is 11, Maggie is 9, Patrick is 7, James is 5, and Tessie is now 3!
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[@Patricia-li8bh]

I am also autistic and have a tendency to overly smile. Sometimes it hurts the sides of my mouth. I am trying to cut back on it because I rather have a neutral expression than a fake, painful smile.

[@Autmazing]

Exactly! Sometimes the "fake" smile reminds me of dance performances when I was younger, but I can't shake it.

[@brittlamarOfficial]

@@Autmazing same , did dance as well

[@nancygardner5586]

Oh look this describes me. I actually googled smiling too much as being autistic and your video came up.

[@BabyBobRossJalapeno]

That’s exactly how I found the video.

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

This is relatable. I've been constantly smiling since I was a teen. I was told I didn't smile enough so I wore the smiling mask. Now, I'm just tired of hearing about how smily I am. I am not allowed to have my "moments."

[@annhugo638]

My response to being uncomfortable or overwhelmed is always smiling, and a fair bit of the time going silent as well.

[@ajoseph87]

Same

[@geometricheaddress9457]

Very interesting! Makes sense. I smile and laugh when I'm nervous too. I'm not autistic but I have bad anxiety. I've always tried to skate by and "act normal" and smile thru it. It's exhausting.

[@socialglitch2663]

You are not alone at all. I smile when I’m miserable and in excruciating pain. I’ve been told I’m frowning - that I look angry, grumpy or serious - when I’ve actually been quite happy or content. I can look spaced out and detached when I’m intensely focused and aware (leading people to think I’m not listening). My emotions don’t correlate well with my facial expressions. I think this might be common among autistics. And it might be a reason so many of us are frequently misunderstood. I can say “I’m happy” but if I don’t have the right facial expression, people either think I’m in denial (or if I say it frankly, in my autistic way) that I’m being defensive and evasive. There is a lot of information on how we struggle to read neurotypical facial expressions. I wish they would discuss the fact that neurotypicals often get our facial expressions wrong, too!

[@gkseeton]

Erica M you are so on point!

[@thatonemessyartist1760]

Yes, it’s so bad for me to the point that I laugh at anything anyone says. This one girl at my school called me out on it, she was like “Are you okay? You seems to be upset or something because you’re acting overly happy.” Or something along those lines, but it made me realize how bad it was. I smile until I’m in pain, I smile when I am in pain, I smile when I’m on the phone, I even smile when I’m crying.

[@s.celeste9274]

Wow- great timing. I’ve never been this early! I’m always excited to see a video from you 😊

[@Autmazing]

Yay! Thank you! 😊

[@liasadventure]

Anyone who smiles all the time and doesn’t even notice? I mean literally, like in a normal conversation, talking about anything. It’s definitely social though. Maybe some sort of way to calm your nervous system down?

[@anguskisses112]

I sometimes act jubilant when I'm really in pain too. (I'm in constant severe pain in my face due to trigeminal neuralgia -- dibbed as the worst pain known to mankind.) I definitely relate Cammie! Thanks for sharing.

[@Autmazing]

Thanks as always for sharing your experience and commenting Angus Kisses. ❤️

[@scheimaa172]

When you talk about something hard and smile I find it really normal. Sometimes you don't know how to react in a serious situation and you start smiling because you are confused. My brother walked everywhere covering his face with a notebook when our grandmother died because he couldn't stop smiling and knew he shouldn't.

[@gingerwall8977]

Yes. I keep a smile in moments I shouldn't, even if I am not particularly happy.

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

I'm the same way. Mixed with struggling to name my emotions, this doesn't mix well.

[@RainbowCurveCostuming]

I got stopped by the police while driving once and ofc I was nervous and apparently I smiled at him (as that is what I do as a defense mechanism). Unfortunately this time that backfired and the police officer went 'do you think that was funny?'. Ofc I quickly had to reassure him that was not my intention to make light of the situation. It was only later when I learned I was autistic (at 38) that this is part of my mask. So no you are not the only one I very much related to your video. Also not being taken seriously by dentist for saying I am in genuine pain....

[@AussieRollerDerby]

I’ve been told this from people that watch our videos. That if something bad has happened I say it with a smile on my face. It’s really disturbing but I always giggle when I’m talking about things that make me uncomfortable. Especially when I’m really upset because it’s so do with my daughter. I think I did it when her oxygen came into the house recently. I feel like it comes from the way I was raised and you were never allowed to get upset.

[@gkseeton]

Yes. I mask too. IMO it is because neurological/sensory sensitivities ARE pain but social rules dictate a smile and pretend there is no tormented screaming going on in your head. So physical pain, which I find much less painful than having a metaphorical knife twisted in a sensitivity that is real but socially unacceptable, I tend to be cheerful and pleasant, smile and joke.

[@Autmazing]

I can definitely relate to the physical being less painful than the metaphorical/emotional. ❤️

[@mariannakowalska4789]

totally

[@gingerwall8977]

I've had a resting smile face since I was a teenager since people criticized my RBF. I started smiling all the time and people assume I am never in a bad mood, which is a stupid assumption tbh. I am at the point I really wish I never put this mask on. The moment I don't have an enormous smile, people get concerned.

[@gingerwall8977]

This was definitely in my favor when I worked as a waitress.

[@믿다-i4b]

I never realized until recently, wow. This is definitely something to work on ✨☮️☯️

[@wordsretainpower6250]

I was looking for a video like this. Even if I’m on the verge of tears out in public I’ll try and smile through it if someone starts questioning if I’m ok. I can’t stand being visibly upset out in public so these interactions are rare because usually I’m long gone before I shed a tear… but I smile at everyone all the time can’t stop. It’s like my brain thinks that’s how I have to be to not look mean because my regular face is resting bitch face

[@FlawlessDIYswithAsh]

i do this all the time :) I always laugh when I'm nervous and people are always like stop laughing its not funny, and I'm like I'm autistic lol

[@Autmazing]

Oh my goodness, yes! That is exactly it! ❤️

[@97AshleyRose]

Omg I laugh when I’m nervous too

[@jafirebird2010]

Never got tested, but I almost feel like I have no control of laughing/smiling/ both when my fiancé is upset with me, then other times I want to hide or be alone. Also I seem to have a delayed response when it comes to grief. (Which I think to myself and worry that ppl will think I’m weird for) like I don’t cry unless it’s been a day after, sometimes it even takes something to trigger it (could be days later). Have been thinking about getting tested, but don’t know if I should.

[@femme4donuts434]

I relate so deeply. Thank you so much for this video!

[@SaRah-21532]

People generally don't take me seriously when I'm hurt because I don't look like I am (although I think this is also partially due to my high pain threshold). When I was 10 I sprained my ankle while on a school trip and my teacher didn't find out until like 12 hours later because I just acted normal (it was pretty bad, they decided to drive me to the hospital in the middle of the night and they also carried me to the car which was just weird to me because I had been walking on that foot all day :D) this is just one of many many examples like this :D And another thing is since I don't talk that much I try to compensate by smiling a lot because I'm scared people might think I'm being rude, and I don't know how to turn it off now, so even if I was in a lot of pain, I'd probably still greet the doctor with a huge smile.

[@myautisticpurpleworld]

When I was masked really hard, I forced myself to use makeup, wear neon and phosphorescent clothes even though my eyes and head hurt a lot just by glance at it, bodycream, dresses, skirts (to make me feel dysphoric on propouse to fit in).

[@jasperkanes8522]

My therapist also pointed out the discordance between me talking about really heavy stuff but smiling and laughing as I did. I don't know why I do it, but the more emotionally painful the thing I'm talking about is or the more anxious I am in a conversation the more I smile and laugh

[@SparkyStarLPS]

People always ask me why I laugh and smile so much

[@Marc-lx1qj]

I smile if someone tells me really bad news....ie their mums passed away. Never connected that to my asd until watching this

[@JordiumZ]

I got in trouble for laughing at school and people get angry at me smiling when they're serious

[@fraggelrock9974]

Your shirt is a mood

[@Autmazing]

I found a bunch at Red Bubble but I think this one is my favorite. I want to wear it every day.

[@crazyforcats19]

yes! I love that shirt. It's so relatable.

[@ashton564]

I wonder how different the masking is for neurotypical women vs autistic women?

[@Autmazing]

I wondered that too as I was making this. Because I think a lot of these would apply to both (especially when I was editing the section talking about harassment). I think maybe autistic women get more lifelong practice?

[@JanealJohnson]

I can relate on some emotions. Like grief. I never know how to act. For me the person who passed is just no longer in my current social circles. I’ll miss them but I can’t grieve for them

[@RH117]

I like the shirt. Where did you find it?? Yes I mask to the level that I sometimes seem socially awkward.

[@caityxcatalyst]

I guess how I rationalize it to myself and others is that I'm smiling/laughing to comfort myself in times of stress/pain because I've always viewed myself and my experiences very objectively as if I'm watching a movie, and it got really bad over the past year to where I now believe my diagnosis of bipolar 1 should be adjusted to autism because having been essentially perpetually manic for nearly year to the point of blacking out and burning out from all the stress of a severely abusive relationship, then upon leaving said relationship and becoming calmer.....but realizing these high energy states always tend to come after or during a period of very intense stress.....well it puts a lot into perspective for me now that I'm 25 and have been diagnosed with just about everything in the DSM-5 but 😂🙃

[@malazansapper]

same: smile in therapy, difficulty communicating(/feeling) physical pain

[@malazansapper]

also, worst: when smiling muscles hurt and still not stopping

[@addiejones1091]

I love your videos

[@addiejones1091]

At school in the beginning of the year I was scared and nervous and plus my anxiety was bad but I always smile every day and when I am sad people can’t tell when I am and plus at school I cry a lot because I get scared about things then I would think should I run out of the class but ya but I always smile and I always think I am doing something wrong so I always ask my friends if I am and they say I am not doing anything wrong so then I start to worry about it but I don’t cry.When I fall down I cry and smile but I hurt but I fall a lot and I hate it and my bones break easy because when I am on my bike I fall because I did a ramp but i did not fall hard and I broke my thumb and wrist but I was laughing and stuff because I had fun doing it so I did it again and I fell but then I told my mom and we went to go and I got a cast bit ya I always smile

[@declan3010]

absolutely 100% do this too!

[@maddyslilmisfitshouseofwon9692]

I'm the same way don't worries

[@DiariesofaDisabledmom]

I mask too and also did a video on it 🤣🤣 where did you get Maggie's harness? Sorry for the random question but im struggling finding one lol I have the inappropriate laughing trait lol let's say law enforcement don't find it amusing 🤣🤣

[@ratzwilson6101]

I have the same problem with lidocaine. I had to get most of my teeth out because of dry mouth caused by medication. At some point they just had to rip out my canine and I felt it in my nose and eyes. Worse pain ever.

[@mariannakowalska4789]

[@Clark-mm7gw]

I forget which video, but I think in one video you mentioned Maggie laughing when she was hit by a swing or something, and when you were talking about this I was wondering if it could be the same with Maggie where she smiles/masks if she's in pain? Maybe not, since you and Maggie are different people. Sorry if that was a weird theory, you obviously know her better than a random viewer like me.

[@CrystalMermaid6]

I love your shirt where can I get one like it

[@Autmazing]

Emily Murison this one is from Red Bubble! And thank you. They have so much cute neurodiversity stuff!

[@Mrfurball25]

I don’t try very hard to mask but I did when I was younger. I’m not good at it😬😏

[@ThePositiveAutism]

🙂

[@DrummerBoy04]

Yeah I do this all the time lol 💀

[@fredeshadow1353]

I thought I laughed because of stimming.

[@thelifeofbryndis7237]

You are so describeing me. Lidocaine and all. Giggles and smile

[@Autmazing]

❤️ I wondered if anyone else had the lidocaine thing! I was hoping someone would say something!

[@y019_9]

Same, lol