Meltdowns - Whys & Hows... Autism & Relationships 10

[@TempoTronica]

One thing I want to add to your list, it's not anger. I've spent my entire life being told I had anger issues. Everyone in my life treated them like anger issues. This lead me to doing the same. And they cannot be handled the same, and being told all my life I had anger issues when it was meltdowns created an especially toxic relationship with anger. Putting an autistic person through anger management for meltdowns doesn't do shit to help.

[@SpectrumGamingAutism]

This a really awesome video. I get quite frustrated how important videos like this have so few views, while others that don't share true autistic experience or share an affirming approach get tens of thousands or even millions! Thank you for giving everyone who has watched this a better understanding :)

[@robertjohnburton9775]

I am not young, I have meltdowns. My head just explodes. I have learnt to live alone (with cat) & am much happier. I carry an Autism Identity Card which I can show when strangers are 'involved'. The worst thing is I cannot explain or speak; I absolutely will not respond to angry people. Yes, I have been badly physically hurt.

[@Autistamatic]

Thanks for commenting. We all melt down differently as you so aptly demonstrate. Controlling meltdowns is always going to be limited by factors beyond our influence, even when we do our best to make our lives as peaceable and sensory friendly as possible. I hope that NTs watching this will think twice about the part they may have to play in causing and their potential for reducing meltdowns & their duration.

[@robertjohnburton9775]

@@Autistamatic Thanks - stay safe over there

[@turtleanton6539]

Same😊

[@Adriell.h.b.]

You are so good at discribing autistic experiences in a what that *I* can relate to. Such an in-depth, full and all encompassing way. So many other descriptions I feel excluded from because I don't have and external meltdown, and/or because I had to learn self-control at a very early age. That whole "don't cry or I'll give you something to cry about" bullshit of my parents Christian Fundamentalist generation. I feel so jammed up to this day (age 47) and live with chronic migraines since a very early age. Gee, I wonder why now... Thank you so much, for including me in your description.

[@lezbyanke777]

yesterday I had my (now former) general practitioner on a home visit to me. He gaslit the heck out of me, but I clapped back and stood my ground despite his manipulation tactics. He tried gaslighting me, therefore he is now my former GP! I am autistic and therefore my former general practitioner thought it was a good opportunity to manipulate me. However, he was damn wrong! I was told I was being argumentative and too harsh whenever I was voicing my opinions and actual lived experiences. I was getting a bit frustrated and annoyed at him gaslighting me, I'll admit to it, but I was simply repeating what needs/interests I have. If I am so "harsh" for demanding to get my living quarters individually tailored to my needs, then too bad! It is something I am legally entitled to in my country! He came off in a way that I was to forget to have my flat/apartment individually tailored to my needs. He acted like it was all just in my head and that it was just my PTSD acting up, whenever I told him that it is in my best interest to have my flat individually tailored to my needs. He even said flat out to me that he would not blame everything on my PTSD, but that was exactly what he did. I know I have PTSD, but I still need to have my flat individually tailored to my needs, and I get triggered by sensory impressions and by temperature whether too high or too low. Due to the fact that I am autistic, I have a "responsibility" group/"support" group that is supposed to front my interests ensuring that my needs are well taken care of. Unfortunately this doctor was part of this group. Nothing was ever done by my supposed "support" team to get my flat individually tailored to my needs, nor did I get the trauma therapy they promised me they would arrange for me. I won't keep my hopes up for any improvement and I only got my trust issues reinforced by these experiences. I was certainly quite close to having a meltdown yesterday

[@alexrose20]

I wish my parents had seen this when I was younger

[@why2goatdagame]

6:00 mins The whole restraining thing bothers me to no end! I understand it must be used in certain situations but it’s become a overly used method in my view. I can’t deal with being touched normally, so being restraining by others touching me would make me lose my mind

[@garylokkesmoe2963]

The very best descriptions of how I think and feel that I have found on the internet

[@Polytunnel]

Thank you. I don't like to use the word 'meltdown' for the exact reasons you described at the start. (Some) NTs think it means "tantrum" and not "emotional overload". I describe it as an "explosion", resulting from how much agony I tamp down. People think they can calm us down which only fuels the fire. I mainly have "shutdowns", but I am getting better at predicting when an "explosion" is near. (Not that I can always do that.) It infuriates me when my attempts to explain my distress are ignored. Sensory overload from noise, lights, personal space invasion etc. is rarely taken seriously. This was a well timed topic since I am currently attempting to educate selected people about autism during "World Mental Health Week" and have mentioned it. Great minds think alike.

[@Autistamatic]

Hi Rowena. I'm not particularly keen on the "meltdown" term myself, though I guess we're stuck with it. It's a shame since it gets so misused to describe tantrums or the rantings of politicians with bruised egos. As always - thanks for commenting. You post valuable & informative comments.

[@angeldude101]

I liken the term to a _nuclear_ meltdown, when the reactor gets too hot and something must be done _immediately._ The easiest thing to do in this situation is to shutdown the whole thing and wait for it to cool off before checking for any damaged components. If something _isn't_ done about it, it becomes an immediate and indiscriminate threat to everyone and everything in the vicinity. A nuclear reactor doesn't melt down because it wants attention. It melts down in a specific situation that is very preventable if you can properly manage the heat.

[@mudotter]

I like the term meltdown, because I don't explode, I implode. I will literally crumble to the floor sobbing uncontrollably, my body shaking violently. My undiagnosed daughter also had similar meltdowns as a child. (She is not interested in looking at if she is autistic, yet) Autism was not a thing, but I raised my children much differently. Like i wish i had been raised, without knowing why it mattered. People would give me dirty looks or comments, seeing me standing next to sobbing puddle of a child at the playground, or in a mall. "Why are you not comforting her?!" 'Yeah, she doesn't want that. Try if you like.' Person puts hand gently on my daughter's back, and she keens to a even higher pitch. They run away looking scared I just knew when I could comfort her, and when I was only making it worse. As my third child, I was, 'Broke in as a parent.' I would tell people. I had no idea I was an autist, raising autists. My oldest and I got diagnosed ADHD along the way, but it was never a good fit. I wonder how many of those who burst out with anger are autistic or badly regulated adults or even narcisstic? That really needs to be studied, and figured out.

[@AnnaBananaRepublic]

I know how you feel.

[@AnnaBananaRepublic]

I cry. It sucks.

[@ScarryGargoyle]

My parents were undiagnosed, as well as us. Growing up I watched my dad, mom, have these tantrums… when they needed to pick us up from school/teaching me how to drive/ shopping trips- they always ended up have one side, or the other have some sort of meltdown. Growing up I thought they were abusive. When me and my siblings would have meltdowns it was just looked as tantrums. Now that I know my parents are autistic, as well as me and my siblings. I have a better understanding of them. They aren’t evil… or out to hurt me.. they are just having an equally as hard of a time or worse as me!

[@GlitterRat]

I call it "going nuclear " it's different than my other anxiety attacks or overloads- the difference is once it starts I can't stop it and like a nuclear power plant melting down- I've got to go through the process before coming out the other side.

[@Autistamatic]

You raise a very important point: that once a meltdown starts it has to be allowed to run it's course. Although I mentioned the need to wait for the event to end naturally, it cannot be emphasised enough that once the trigger has been pulled, the consequences are inevitable. Thanks for commenting 👍

[@jusroc6353]

stress > capacity for stress = Meltdown

[@autiejedi5857]

Wow you also ticked one of my special interest with the volcano analogy. 🤩 Well done! 💜

[@michaelvandenheuvel317]

This is Love and understanding.

[@anjachan]

it was bad in the past ... now much better.

[@mrmukura]

Wow.. I've just discovered your chanel today. I've listened to three or four of your presentations. This one is as good as any of them, which to me is excellent. Thanks for sharing.

[@WilliamAlanPhoto]

This is absolutely dead on right, very well explained, and wonderfully said. Instant subscribe. Thank you.

[@paleopony7550]

I’ve never even had meltdowns as far as I know.

[@farmboy6218]

You are very articulate. Very well explained. Asperger diagnosed at age 57 here. I still understand little about the melt downs, stimming, and emotions. (I'm alexthymic too). Thank you for putting these videos out here. They have been a great resource for me and my NT wife.

[@orsomethingofthatnature]

this is only the second video of yours I've seen, and I absolutely love your channel. I never comment on KZbin. I'm recently self diagnosed, hopefully soon seeking "official" diagnosis, and I have fears in doing so because of professionals not understanding autism the way our community does. thank you for sharing all of this needed information and insight.

[@CaptainAfricaFGC]

You are so articulate! I am lucky enough that I tend to have shutdowns rather than meltdowns but it's definitely been an issue through my life.

[@gwynnethvanjaarsveld7030]

What to do with the feelings of guilt for having a meltdown? It seems that even if the actions of others pushed someone to the point of breaking, this person is blamed, punished or ignored for having the meltdown. It leads to a problem. You feel like the things you said during the meltdown were thrue and justified, and even needed to be said, but you are not allowed to express it. Now you are left feeling guilty about something you feel was not wrong to do. What to do we do now? If you apologise, you feel like you let yourself down. If you don't, you are left with the guilt.

[@MrAndywills]

Like the volcanic simile. My primary school nickname was 'volcanic hippy' due to my explosive meltdowns.

[@michaelvandenheuvel317]

This why I know . And hope others will also. I have compassion and understanding for my self and the ones closest to me. Stand close by long enough and I will you also.

[@Tormekia]

I liken meltdowns to a kind of overload "seizure". Even better when they trigger a panic attack. Yaaaaaay...

[@xshiromorix]

The way my doctor, who is also autistic, framed a meltdown is by saying that it's like having a car speeding at you. In that moment, you can't be rational. You can't concern yourself with anyone or anything else. All you can think about is getting out of the way of that car.

[@chellie99]

I may try to vocalise my frustration, but my speech becomes somewhat robotic, with words staggered. Then come the tears, and they will flow all day long. The despair can cause me to drop on the spot, just sit on the ground and dissolve, and I won't care where I am or who sees.

[@alexadellastella5247]

The best video ever on this subject thank you so much!!!!!

[@rfishrfish4242]

Your bang on good job thank you for pulling my words out when I cannot you. Really hoping thank you for this.

[@faerietattoosnapdragon5429]

Thank you, this helps me understand more.

[@Autistamatic]

I'm really glad you found it useful.

[@BooBooBugalugs]

Perfect. Thank you.

[@delsingray5923]

I'm happy this still says adults can have them. But I got upset that he says like adults have control.... which is like but its not just this bc i used to not have them as often.. but then mentions control in general (freedom) and that's it. When i have no freedom or no one listens, they happen, so bad doctors/dentists are MAJOR triggers. Its true... I tend to have less with more freedom and stress. I know they happen bc of that and I'm experiencing daily bullying too

[@Autistamatic]

I'm so sorry to hear you're being bullied. The main reason meltdowns generally occur less in adults is that we usually have more control over our stressors than children, but that's not ALWAYS the case. Meltdowns & shutdowns are nothing more than stress reactions so if the stressors are removed, the associated events go with them. As adults, most of us have more freedom to control which stressors we have to face and so our meltdowns become less frequent and/or less acute, but adulthood also has stresses of it's own that kids rarely have to face head on. Please don't think that reporting on a general trend in any way invalidates anyone else's suffering. The very fact that so many of us HAVE reduced our meltdowns through having greater control and freedom in our lives only serves as further proof that when adults continue to have frequent stress-events their needs should be urgently addressed. Sadly any reduction in meltdowns is frequently misrepresented as a signal of maturity or "growing out of autism". The other factor at play is that many adults were heavily punished for our childhood meltdowns which taught us to hide the external expressions of our distress manifesting in shutdowns instead. The suffering of a shutdown is as intense as any meltdown but it's not as noticeable to observers. We continue to be in pain but we avoid the additional torment of being punished for showing it.

[@zabirhussain]

Thank you 😊

[@lindadunn8787]

Nice. Thank you.

[@turtleanton6539]

😊😊😊😊very good videos.

[@KarenDUlrich]

Can we talk about the nitwits in religion? I used to have a Christian friend who was convinced I am "demon possessed" and told everyone she knew. Later I learned she is also a narcissist who was isolating me. I knew her for 20 years and went to her for help when I was experiencing domestic violence. I had NO idea that she was intentional to pretend to help while doing deceitful things behind my back. When I confronted her when talk, she denied, told me I misunderstood, she was concerned about my anger, and called me everything from delusional to psychotic. I never got any help. She was the ring leader who promised to organize the help (our church has 10K plus in attendance) that never came. I lost everything. All my money, support systems, and safety. I am in shutdown, struggling to go on hoping that next time I become brave enough to end myself, I do.

[@SynopCys-yw8qy]

Hey, how are you doing.

[@rainbowconnected]

That woman sounds like she's the one possessed by a demon (if there were such things). I'm so sorry she preyed on you when you were so vulnerable. Truly despicable. I hope you're doing better now and have support. Your life and happiness matter.

[@pearl-may]

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