The BIG Picture... Autism & Relationships 7: * Detail Focus, Honesty, Bluntness *

[@rekagosztola]

I think exactly this way. I've never understood why others can't. That's why I've always felt coming from another planet

[@nate2838]

This is me to a T

[@martinpetersson4350]

You’re not alone :)

[@Tormekia]

I've gotten into so much trouble because I'm very intense when I know I'm right. I've done the work. I've looked up all the needed info. And those in charge haven't. They take it personally that I am contradicting them. Facts are facts. They aren't feelings. I will never understand the mixing when it comes to personalizing emotional connections to a given wrong position. And it's not in fluffy things. But things that can be measured and timed. So frustrating.

[@JennaHasm]

Have you found people that you can make a good team with?

[@anetapostek9833]

Exactly I’ve been rejected multiple times because I challenge flaws in the systems. They are usually easy fix but people don’t want to apply changes to make life of all easier. I don’t understand that!! It frustrates me. It often seems there is no communication nor coherent management that really apply system thinking. The bits are all over. Nobody is actually in control the messy system starting with city communication, health care and social justice.

[@robertjohnburton9775]

I wish neurotypicals would stop expecting me to mind-read them & their expectations. I need to ask questions to understand what is needed, but when I have in the past I was told I was stupid and to shut up. So, now I prefer to be alone and I have given up on people. Life for me has improved and yes I go against the flow, with knobs on! I am not sure I agree that all the new information is overbearing because the filters all people have simply take what they need. Good video, the pandemic is doing a good job of messing up 'normal' thinking'. Stay safe everyone

[@rfishrfish4242]

The way I think about it I am Very visual autistic dyslexic person it doesn’t matter what I think or what we think that is a rule of life I look at it it’s beginning and it’s ending. It’s false pretences the truth of it if we like it or not, what comes out of my mouth what’s in my heart, I treat others the way I want to be treated, with the words, I use the truth of it set me free doesn’t matter what I think matter what we think anybody can come up with words to manipulate their true intentions I just want to be able to see everything and understand everything and it’s true. Meaning it’s true concept and what it is , without being bent out of shape to make you feel happy doesn’t matter what we think

[@keirapendragon5486]

You have no idea how major this revelation is to me. I've wondered why I am the way I am my entire life. Why I did NOT end up doing ANYTHING expected of me, why I COULD NOT, physically COULD NOT just accept the beliefs and views of my family. Now I guess I know why o__o

[@divergent_foxx]

If I ever doubted that I was Autistic or even doubted my diagnosis this video has blown my mind so much to show me that I am because this is exactly 218 how I think how I go how I am. It is so amazing to hear another autistic person speak and be able to verbalize I never know how to say. Thank you for this video

[@DavidBichoHasBeard]

Absolutely! I feel compelled to express my deepest admiration and gratitude for Quinn. The remarkable way in which he elucidates and articulates the nuances of the autistic mind is unparalleled and vital. My recent discovery of Autistamatic has been nothing short of astounding, consistently leaving me in a state of awe. Every topic is meticulously considered, offering profound insights into all the complexities and perspectives of both the autistic and the allistic mind. His work is truly a treasure.

[@towzone]

Why is “I don’t know” so hard for allistics to say??

[@nate2838]

Because if they don't know it automatically means they are stupid, according to allistics at least.

[@inthelight111]

I'am right now going thru diagnosis of what the psychologist think is autism. Many ups and downs. I'am 43 years old. But it's never too late. What you describe in this video made laugh several times because i recognize it so much. Right on spot. I've been thru so many argumentations and discussions with people in my workplace, and many times wonder why people don't se the details and recognize the the underlying factors to the problem we discuss. Several people have made it clear that i see problems and bring them up in a different fashion. They have also hinted that it's hard to argument with me because i stay on details and how things are expressed in sentence. I've also heard that i'am aggressive and hard on people, especially women. I argument with anyone who bring up some "fact" regardless if it's a women or man and that can be seen as misogynistic. I dig right down to the bits and peaces that constitute the problem and that's not what people many times want, i know that now ;) So this video really got me thinking that i need to be more sensitive in my argumentation. I don't know how many times I've seen people that i discuss with or asking questions on a subject, get that overwhelming look in their eyes. Thanks a lot for this video. I will go thru those other videos as well. Hooray for autism!!!!! Excuse me for my bad English. /// Christopher

[@DavidBichoHasBeard]

I presume youre a fellow Swede (based on your name)? Exakt så. "...get that overwhelming looking their eyes".

[@inthelight111]

@@DavidBichoHasBeard Korrekt iakttagelse. Hur e läget?

[@lexica510]

I always have so many thoughts in response to your videos, I have to fight the urge to write an entire blog post in the comments. 😄 Thank you for making such interesting and thought-provoking material.

[@jennanelson5453]

I just came across your videos today and I want to listen all day ! I have autism, and my partner is neurottypical. I am the first autistic person she has been with and I challenge her...a lot. My intention is to understand, and to have her understand. But she is constantly upset by my need to clarify and correct and ask question. Your videos explain the autistic mind, the problems we face and how to avoid / overcome them better than any other channels I've come across ! Thank you so much for your time, your information, and for your videos that are so well put together ♡

[@theburnoutguy451]

Brilliant. Thank you so much. You have given me a way of languaging this to myself and those around me.

[@why2goatdagame]

Yessss Tell me you don’t know! However, do not tell me to just figure it out. Especially, if the person I am asking doesn’t know themselves. That’s ridiculous. However, if you don’t know & you want to know I am okay with that. I want to know too. We can figure it out together. Just don’t expect me to do what you cannot. 👍

[@nate2838]

That sounds too much like logic. To be avoided at all costs.

[@Polytunnel]

Hello, I loved this video & have shared with my parents. I enjoyed the graphics, especially "smartie party". I'm glad you mentioned those of us who choose to self-isolate & be silent. We are always under-represented in any research. I kept laughing as I self-recognised. When given the rare opportunity, my voice box certainly works! It must be over-whelming for the NTs in my life. The consequences of self-isolation have hit me hard during the current crisis and I always look forward to more in this series. I have no wish to knock you off your planned material, but something that I find difficult with NT-Autie conversation is humour. They seem to rely on humour as a palative, but sometimes I feel hurt by jokes. I mean I love comedy, but I find it difficult to always see the funny side, even if I can recognise that no harm was intended. Also, they don't always recognise my humour. Just a thought. Thanks again for this always interesting insight into each other's brains. I tend to write positively about myself, but struggle to talk positively about myself. I do come over as an "Eeyore" or as a "Marvin the Paranoid Android", so I appreciated your insight into that.

[@Autistamatic]

"Brain the size of a planet..." - I love Marvin. I've been a fan of HGTG since the first book same out in 1979 and had all the LPs of the radio series before I even had a record player to play them on 😂 I'm glad you found this one relevant Rowena - it's a huge topic, hence the length of the video. Humour is a topic I intend to cover as part of the relationships series but it'll be a while before I get to it yet. I'm still in the process of establishing the foundations at this point. Topics like humour will be easier to address with these foundations already in place to refer back to 👍

[@LiveAndLetLive2024]

This really helped me understand some things better, as each in this series has, and will be good to keep in my empowering ASD playlist for when I need it. These resources really help keep me sane right now. Thank you very much for this. ♡

[@linneakortfalt5094]

Thank you so much for explaining this 🙏 Finally I understand this…it’s been the reason why I don’t “fit” the autism criteria- cause I DO see the big picture- I NEED to see the big picture - so I thought I didn’t fit - but I also see the details that don’t fit…and need answers to this. I need all the cogs! And have as a teen been thrown out of classrooms for asking too many questions.

[@MrAndywills]

I was told that I would see both sides of the arguments

[@autiejedi5857]

This was wonderful and such an apt description of this topic! Thank you 💜

[@robertjohnburton9775]

Nice handle

[@autiejedi5857]

@@robertjohnburton9775 you as well 💜

[@christopheuhlin7309]

Thank you for another great video. Your insight into the minds of Autists and Neurotypicals is so spot on and so precisely explained. I relish your work. An Autistamatic day always makes a great day🙂❤

[@Adora3473]

This is accurate. Thank you.

[@jabaerga1]

Great video!

[@vikdaddy]

Hey, good video that I broadly agree with. However I just want to pick up on a couple of points. The first is that it isn't just upbringing and peer pressure that informs one's views, as studies have shown that it's also one's intrinsic behaviour (formed largely in the womb) that impacts political beliefs, for example. Second, that anybody who questions the status quo isn't simply seen as an agitator; think about well known and likely autists who have changed industries, innovated in technology, etc. Context matters. But overall I agree with your premise that, for me at least, I do question everything and get 'under the skin' of consensus opinion. Thanks for reading.

[@Autistamatic]

Hi Vik & thanks for commenting. Regarding your first point - there are many influences on our beliefs/views, some of which are mentioned, but it's not intended to be an exhaustive list. There's only so much information that can be crammed into a 20 minute video 😉 As to the second - even those of us who HAVE gone on to be innovators or visionaries have often struggled against exclusionary labels for a long time before they proved their critics wrong by achieving against those odds. There are odd exceptions, but the person who questions the status quo and isn't excluded to some degree is a very rare and privileged individual, whether they be autistic or not. Look at the stories of the presumed autists in history who have made great achievements and most of them struggled against adversity, with few receiving the acclaim they now enjoy posthumously within their own lifetimes. Some even had to hide their work from others for fear of being shunned, excommunicated or worse.

[@vikdaddy]

@@Autistamatic thanks for your considered response. I just wonder whether you have generalised NT people and indeed autists with your 'us and them' paradigm, falling into the very trap you discuss of homogeneity. Please don't take my views as a criticism; it's more a thoughtful debate using your video as a jumping-off point. Your content is better than most others on the subject of autism in adults.

[@Autistamatic]

@Vik Sandhu It's impossible to talk about any grouping without a degree of generalisation. It is in fact the obligation of advocates and educators who represent the interests of marginalised groups to generalise. I go into more detail about that point here: neuroclastic.com/2020/02/11/who-advocates-for-the-advocates/ Exceptions to every rule apply and they often support the point being made. In previous film_ s, including in this series, it has been noted that there are cases of autistic & neurotypical relationships that DON'T follow the stereotypical path which have demonstrated how fruitful they can be if handled well and the favourable outcomes that can result.That is not the case for the _majority_ of autistic people nor their neurotypical associates and it is that majority whom content such as this is intended to address. It is important that both "sides" understand both their commonalities & their differences if they are to work together as one. Helping those who feel isolated and alone to realise that their struggles are shared by others and there are solutions available is a huge aspect of the role of any advocate. This series in particular looks to heal the divide that exists between many autistic people and the significant non-autistic people in their lives. Before one can heal one must acknowledge that a problem exists and that can only be done in broad terms to reach the maximum number of people needing succour, direction or hope. One must directly address the concerns & motivations of both "sides" in any misunderstanding or conflict before resolution can be reached. Those who are lucky enough NOT to feel that way are unlikely to be drawn to such content in the first place. I go to great lengths to ensure that the message within Autistamatic content is made clear. These films do not speak for everyone, but they address concerns which affect the lives of more autistic people and their NT associates than they do not. Every film is prefaced by a disclaimer that makes the point that they "are not intended as a definitive statement of the experiences of all people... on the autistic spectrum". The syntax used is carefully chosen to avoid blanket statements - words such as _"most", "many", "frequently" or "often"_ are used consistently to ensure that it is understood that the content does not speak for ALL, only those who relate. At no point is the generalisation taken to the extent of suggesting that "ALL NTs" or "ALL Autists" feel a particular way or see things in a specific fashion, however generalisation is used as a tool to reach the maximum number of people who need help in understanding and improving their lives. If they recognise themselves within the framework presented in the video it provides a starting point for a journey towards healing. I cannot provide one-to-one assistance to anyone through this medium, only a sense of affiliation and direction to start them on a more profitable path.Please also bear in mind that there have only been 7 episodes so far in this series on Autism & Relationships and there are many to come. These initial episodes are setting in place the foundations for later episodes which will go into more granular detail than is possible at this point. I hope that this addresses your concerns and that you will continue with the channel as this subject is explored more deeply in coming months.

[@vikdaddy]

@@Autistamatic Fantastic reply. Thanks again. Have a great day and I continue to look forward to your content.

[@cristinachaliandroi1369]

Big picture is synthesized by details so.. you cant really understand tje "big picture" without studing the details

[@mdjwbd]

I'm confused. I am the researcher, asking questions. My autistic friend isn't. She likes my searching for information and understanding, but... I feel not really seen because I've got little questions from her. So, in this regard I seem to have 'autistic behaviour' and she does not. Did she simply stopped asking questions at one point? Or... are there also non-curious autistics and curious non-autistics? Now, it seems (in this video) the contact between autistics and non-autistics follows a certain script, almost, but my experience is different. Well, I am learning... It's complicated. And now I'm learning more about autism... it, well, seems even more complicated. By the way, I now hear you say 'it's okay to say 'I don't know'', and think: you sound like a good skeptic. I am a skeptic, and maybe.... the bigger difference between autistic and non-autistic is: 'do you love (and search for) skeptical thinking skills, or not...' Just a thought... I'm curious how you think about this.

[@KonStarStudio]

5:17 WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A HORN THAT LOUD IM DRIVING

[@hughiedavies6069]

Thank you °•●○☆♡

[@turtleanton6539]

😊😊😊😊cool😊

[@ziggypip2938]

Mine is a big liar. Blunt but not honest

[@an.autistic.person]

My wife and I are having communication difficulties because she cannot see the big picture that I'm presenting her. For example: she is upset that I'm not the same person she fell in love with because I used to be happy and now I'm not. I explained in detail how it is her and her son's behavior that directly lead to my change in attitude. Their constant fighting, exploding at me over non-issues, the boy being severly angry and taking it out on me etc. Basically, their negativity had a negative effect on me (cause --> effect) . But instead of saying "oh that's why you've changed" she's getting more and more mad that I keep bringing up old arguments. I'm not trying to get back into those arguments, I'm merely saying all those past arguments negatively affected me which is why I'm not happy anymore. So I'm trying to resolve our issues by laying everything out with direct communication but it keeps backfiring and making things worse. I had to stop and had a panic attack because no matter what I said, she wasn't understanding any of it. Just had to get this off of my chest. It's exhausting.