Autistic And Being Myself (Unmasking Around Friends)

Autistic and unmasking around friends. I've been focussing on unmasking my autism to improve my mental health (and it's working!).
In this video I'm talking to my autistic friend Ros about our work on unmasking around each other, and our other friends.
Including:
how we're working on unmasking
-unconscious masking
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[@fideovilm8448]

Thank you both for bringing up quietness as a form of unmasking. I have literally never thought of it in this way and it is so helpful to me. When I am very depressed I avoid people I love because I haven't got the energy to 'pretend to be alive' and I just become more depressed through extreme isolation. I can see now that the self-imposed pressure to talk is a form of masking. Genuine breakthrough here! Thank you both 💚 PS Ella your hair is amazing

[@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767]

It's so good to hear from someone else who has a similar experience as me! I'm chatty out of over-responsibility for the feelings of those around me. I'll be super smiley and chatty. Until it gets to be too much and I find myself chugging coffee and feeling anxious that my face or posture might potentially offend someone. Then I'll go into hermit mode for about a week. I want to break out of the cycle, and maybe it will help me to use the phrase "quietness is a form of unmasking"

[@graceface418]

I struggle with dropping my "Customer Service" persona so that people will think I am friendly. I *am* friendly, but the feedback I've received has been that I "Look" upset when I'm not, or my tone is misperceived as rude. I worked hard over the years at my jobs to look & sound nice & now I worry that people won't like me if I don't sound excited & happy all the time. On days where my energy is too low to mask constantly, I've had people at work ask me what was wrong because I seemed upset or down today. It's also hard to stop since it is so reflexive at this point, but the energy required is exhausting

[@azuregiant9258]

It always astounds me, when on KZbin, how there are other human beings in the world who actually understand what I go through, as I feel so alone out here in my physical life. What you said, this is exactly it. I feel I am a kind, friendly person. The capable part of me, sitting alone at home, spends so much (too much) time thinking of strategies of how to build bridges…..but the disabled part of me, when I’m out there, almost immediately goes into masking mode. This is how I’ve been coping all my life. Just like you, when I’m too tired or depressed to keep the mask up, it can get very uncomfortable. From afar I’ve been accused of giving people horrible looks, that I’m “aloof”, “hard as nails”. And up close in “conversation”, people (who don’t really know me) have said really derogatory things about my intelligence. What they don’t see is someone who works in/is affected by the finer detail, who is desperately trying to keep up, but can’t and find myself slipping into shutdown mode, becoming more and more tightly coiled. I can see the person talking and hear the noise they’re making, but the words become gibberish. All I want to do in that moment is find a safe place to curl up in. I’m not asocial and would love that little group of maybe 2-3 friends, but it’s become such a tiresome quest.

[@catherinehall2072]

I never thought about masking being responsible for much of the exhaustion I feel after social interactions. This helps!

[@LadyLalien]

This feels so good and also painful at the same time. Hearing you both, talking about how I feel inside feels both secure and weird. Also terrifying. And yes I love your hair it makes me feel freedom when I look at it and at you wearing it.

[@rosea570]

The idea of spending shorter bursts of time with friends that you are less secure with is just what I needed to hear. I have also been avoiding my friend because I don't have the energy to mask anymore, but I'm going to try suggesting a shorter meet up. Thanks! Love videos of you two together.

[@Autism-Awareness50]

Autism is my superpower!!! 🧩🧡💚💛🧡💚💛

[@KellyCDB]

My sister explicitly tells me my emotions are "too much/too big," which they are not! I am completely fine with my emotions being the size they are!! But I feel I have to mask around her because she gets extremely triggered and upset if I express emotions. Edited to add: yes your hair is great!

[@undothatbutton]

I completely relate.. my older brother also gets triggered when I express any form of emotion... over time I had to learn to be okay with his discomfort because it was taking too much from who I am as a person.. to be constantly muting myself or being too vigilant of my emotions around him.. I'm still learning how to be better at it though because its easier to do it in some situations as compared to others

[@alexdoloressalerno983]

This was so helpful for me! Thank you so much for having these longer conversations. I'm also avoiding interactions because how much energy masking takes

[@dekidecay]

Video: amazing!!!!!!! (thanks so much - a perfect description of how I mask and don't even realise I'm doing it 99% of the time) Hair: amazing!!!!!!!!!! (love it!) Unmasking: My masking is firmly entrenched/exhausting and frustrating.......but very slowly evolving with my growing awareness and certainly helped today by your many valuable insights Ella & Roz! THANK YOU BOTH!

[@paisleyrosestuff]

Absolutely love any video with the two of you! And I really appreciate hearing some examples of masking and unmasking, because I'm trying to identify it in my own life and it's difficult to know where the mask ends and I begin. Also, love the new haircut! I saw the reel on IG, and I've been thinking about shaving my head recently, so that really gave me the motivation to do it, probably this weekend... Thank you for being you!

[@jimwilliams3816]

I have struggled to understand unmasking, and for that matter stimming...I do have an AuDHD dx now, and I think that what I thought could be tics may in fact be heavily suppressed stims: I hold them in so tightly that they only emerge when I am extremely stressed. By that time it’s hard to sense whether the outburst is relieving tension. But a realization has been creeping up on me for a while: the job I now have, which involved a lot of high-stakes interaction with clients before COVID, caused me to seriously change my behavior around people. I can now see that the stress of that, along other things about the job, seriously impacted my mental health. I used to make weird, wry jokes/observations, but it went so badly in the job that I stopped. I’m not even sure how to get back to it at this point, but I think now that it was a way of being myself, and also releasing tension and self regulating. Obviously this was masking to a large degree. But now I wonder, were those acerbic comments also a stim?

[@daughtermars___]

I think they have the same function as stimming. I think I know what you mean. I had a similar experience with joking and silly noises, and I think I've even forgotten how to play or have fun with others because of things going wrong, and then, having to mask. I'm gonna think about this one! There's one person in my life I can still kinda do this with, and these behaviors help me feel regulated, and help me destress and express myself. That's why I think it at least had similar functionality to stimming.

[@markigirl2757]

I’m starting to unmask and I will say thank you for this video. I needed it bc it’s super scary and I’m trying to unmask with my husband and it’s getting better and he is trying his best to understand. I can’t with my in laws that’s out of the question for they are one of the most judgmental people out there. Luckily my father in law naps a lot so I can stun freely when he’s not around so I can adjust accordingly. My parents are a whole different beast especially my father. I finally opened up to my mom and I started therapy this month with a therapist who is helping me accept my adhd and autistic side of me recognizing my autistic and adhd traits and is helping me with mindful exercises. So I hope in due time it becomes less scary and I can finally unmask to those I love

[@drop_messages6226]

unmasking is scary. I used to work in tech support. I remember talking to customers on the phone, and at I noticed that customers would eventually ask to talk to someone else. I was trying my best to do my job, but I could sense that the customer had no patience for me, like I was being too socially awkward. Eventually I left that industry to go into nursing. but yeah, masking is how us autistic people get by when dealing with neurotypicals. The thing is, most interaction requires a level of comfort, in dealing with people, on all levels.

[@TriforceLiz]

This was so unbelievably helpful to me today! This clarified so much for me! Thank you both for sharing your wisdom. Also, Ella absolutely rocks their new haircut. You look so much like yourself!

[@woceht]

This is great. I've just found your channel while exploring recently how to better cope with how draining masking is as I'm currently going through a busy period at work and approaching year end social nightmare period and dreading meeting it with low levels of energy. Have to say just watching your bubbly masking persona is exhausting. Can't imagine how much energy it is to put on. I relate so much to masking being mainly forcing myself to be social, to emote, to fill in the silences. The other thing I'm terrified of is letting the strength of my emotions get the better of me and making an awkward or inappropriate outburst. I am able to unmask to some extent around family but I often get negative feedback around the latter problem. People tell me I sound angry when I'm not. I've sort of interpreted this as me being too intense and this is something I really worry about and struggle with. My partner is really sensitive to negative emotions too so while I can feel free to be as awkwardly and expressively happy as possible when I'm more upset or angry I have to remind myself to keep it to myself.

[@daughtermars___]

Brilliant video, it's good to see Ros make an appearance! Hope you're doing well, Ros!! This type of video has been something I've been searching for, for ages. I think it's harder to find comprehensive info on unmasking because just like you two have said, it takes years to really understand all the subtle ways it effects your life. I'll share some of my experience! One of the fears brought up in your conversation was the fear of loss. When I started unmasking, because my health was deteriorating, I did end up losing friendships. My friends knew and liked the version of myself I performed, not who I really was. It hurts like heck, and the experience really validated my insecurities. Friendships still terrify me, and it's something I'm currently unraveling and learning about in therapy. As for successful unmasking, my family have been my heroes. And it wasn't easy at first! I think when you start changing how people interact with you, the first response tends to be, "what am I doing wrong?" or "what's going on/what's wrong with you?" I think the biggest help was communication. Trying my best to have conversations about what's going on in my body, and in my head, my feelings, and giving examples of things that would feel good. "Can we try sitting in the lobby for this concert? It's a bit intense in there." or "Doodling is how I ease myself in places that make me nervous. I really enjoy doodling while talking with you!" Easier said than done, I felt like I had to be brave. But the people who embrace and listen to your unique experiences as a human are the ones who have shown something important. I think it's love and trust. “we like you, not the you that you present to us” is something I've heard from my family, and it's the most validating thing I think someone could say to me. Unmasking is such a complex process that takes time and introspection. I have so many more thoughts on what you two have said, but this comment is hella long so I'm gonna leave it there! Thank you again for sharing, and reminding me that I am, indeed a human being!

[@cedarmccloud]

Firstly, YOUR SHAVED HEAD LOOKS SO GOOD AND COOL! You're really rocking that look, especially with the flannel 😄 I really enjoyed this convo with you and Roz. Lots of things I relate to all around, especially Roz's eyebrows/expressions--I do the same thing and it's so automatic these days! I have only just started my diagnosis and unmasking journey, and there's something comforting about the fact that you're still figuring those things out after 7 years... reminds me that it's not an all-at-once process, which means I can take my time and not worry I'm doing something wrong or "not making enough progress." 😊💛

[@Suebee1988]

Something that came to mind while listening to you two...And great video, by the way. I really appreciate the conversational, external processing style of your videos, Ella. It really helps me, as an external processor. Anyway, something that came to mind is that, if I'm just not there as far as visual engagement in a conversation, I will tell the other person something like, "I know I'm not looking at you but I am interested and listening...my (insert whatever I'm doing at the time...such as putting my head down, closing my eyes, etc.) helps me to really focus on what you are telling me and process it." I've never had anybody react negatively to this and I get my needs met so...Dunno if that helps. Let me know what you think. Thanks! Oh! also! I've noticed that I prattle on when I don't know people out of nervousness and the more comfortable I feel with them, the more silence develops as a comfortable thing to have with them.

[@wolfdreams2000]

I love your solution of not looking at a friend, yet letting them know that you're still very present for them! I too, can be a nervous talker around those I don't know, most of the time. Occasionally i can hardly say a word to them, also so it's an odd feeling for me.

[@daughtermars___]

Yeah! I also need to close my eyes or stare at the ground to process words. Sometimes I need to draw. Telling people has been really helpful for me as well. I also need a moment or two to think when responding. I'll usually say, "I need to think about this, give me a moment". Takes a huge burden off of me to perform. Haven't had negative experiences with this. Would be interested if anyone has

[@SaoirseGraves]

This was so lovely and helpful. Thank you to both of you. I am working quite hard on figuring out what parts of the unmasking process is happening and in what stages. Ella, I relate very much to what you said about needing to make sure everyone is fine/happy and not knowing initially who/what you are underneath. Roz, your point about allowing space for your emotions and letting your eyebrows relax was really beneficial to hear...my eyebrows get tired of working so hard! I'm starting by trying to let mine relax at home! Lastly, Ella your hair looks phenomenal. Like wow! 💜💜💜

[@kikitauer]

Ella, I was thinking about your hair the whole video so when you said we can talk about it, I will. I think this hair suits you very much. It completely changed the vibe I was getting from you, you look so elegant now 🤩

[@robertyboberty]

I love the hair, I wanted to say but I didn't know if it would be appropriate. Very relatable, thanks for posting

[@leilap2495]

There is so much I only feel comfortable doing at home. I often don’t even realize I’m vocalizing at home. I think that is a major reason why I am so much more comfortable at home.

[@MouseRetirement]

Lol "then I leave a group WhatsApp chat" 😂😂😂😂 hands up that's me 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have started to unmask since covid lockdowns. Putting the mask back on is just so unbelievably draining I'm having to reconnect to my autistic self. The lockdowns have made a big impact on my accepting being Autistic

[@debradeniston-qf5wi]

💪 Great session. Very relatable and validating. Listening to you guys makes me feel normal lol, and how to go about unmasking is clearer. Don’t know if I explained that very well lol. Been working on what is masking and unmasking for me so this was great! Thanks both of you 🤗

[@daughtermars___]

yeah, the thought of.. "oh wait, other people live like this too?? I can just.. be like this??" What would I do without this community..

[@dancing_fig]

Thank you for this. I'm still figuring out a LOT of what it means to unmask, and so many of your comments here resonated with me. In particular, the fact that masking brings up my adrenaline, which is a distinct physical cost that I really tend to minimize. And that choosing to stay masked around some friends effectively distances me from those friendships, since I end up avoiding those people. I know I'm going to be coming back to this and rewatching it; you've already given me a lot to think about. And I love your hair, Ella! A shaved head that's just a tiny bit grown out feels *so* lovely to run your hands over. If you feel the same, I hope you're enjoying that part of things. :)

[@Ellen-mt2ob]

Like Ros, I raise my eyebrows as a non-taxing way to convey interest and openness. Have been unmasking by not always commenting in conversations. Enjoy seeing you both in conversation and revealing more of your truth -- inspires me!

[@giveemelle7862]

super excited to listen to this topic! Ella your hair looks soooo good, heck yeah buzz cuts!! I've been debating shaving mine again after a few yrs of letting it grow, maybe this is my sign ;) edit: I've had some success letting people know e.g. "my face might not show it but I am listening & interested in what you have to say, I promise. Please continue!". For me saying it in words once is less draining that doing the Act continuously, so that's what I go with.

[@ashleyboots3386]

Ella, I love your new look! Powerful!

[@drop_messages6226]

Hello, I am an autistic man, married to a neurotypical wife for the past 10 years. I recently discovered this channel and have been watching the videos. I spent my 20s, struggling with how to interact with people, but I managed to finds ways to navigate social situations. When I was single, I would drive to a less populated part of town and take long walks, as in hours long, then get a coffee and sit in my car and listen to podcasts. I still do this, sometimes my ( very understanding) wife comes with me. I use this time as my meditation time. I just need that feeling of alone time. Not just sit alone, but as in the feeling like I am away from the "maddening crowds" of cities. It is beyond awesome that my neurotypical wife, just understands that I need this time to meditate. also, I am going back to school for nursing. So if anyone has questions about autism, or going back to college, send me a message.

[@adinimal]

You look absolutely awesome in short hair, Ella! 🤩 Both of your outfits are absolutely great, you look like you could be characters in a game! 😍 When it comes to masking it feels like I do it pretty much all the time. Even when in alive I stop myself from laughing at my own thoughts and so on. I recognize so much of what you both say with the facial expressions, always trying to take care of other, always be happy not to burden others and so much more. As soon as I got my diagnosis (3 years ago) I started practicing not making eye contact but it still feels weird not to do, and to do. I really hope we can all feel secure enough to one day unmask everywhere but I often feel confused as to who I actually am without the mask. And if I even have parts of me that aren't masked. It's a scary road but you're a huge inspiration. Thank you for being you! ❤ GLHF unmasking, fellow autists!

[@BassGal92]

Unmasking around friends requires me to have friends first. I still don't feel safe unmasking, but more people at work are discovering I'm autistic (not by me saying it), so it's making me very worried about my job as any place of employment is unsafe for unmasking for me. I had an interview yesterday for a new position and I allowed myself to use my favorite fidget before starting my interview to help calm my nerves.

[@ccheychey]

loved this conversation, and laughed along when you booped ross's nose! thanks you ella, the thought of unmasking around my close family and friends is still terrifying for me and has caused months of isolation and lack of social interaction but I don't know how to get to the point of feeling comfortable. I guess my main concern is I don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable or question me. Hopefully I'll get there

[@photokimasl]

I have unmasked over the years without knowing. I became a sahm and started noticing changes

[@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767]

I've always wanted to have kids, and I realize that this will never happen unless I can unmask some amount. I need to learn to trust myself, and right now I'm in these cycles of fawning -----overwhelm----> hermit mode -----recovering my energy----> fawning again, and haven't been able to be a consistent partner in my meagre attempts at dating, let alone a consistent PARENT. You and Ros have switched hair! It looks so good, neat and tidy and with the opportunity to show off your earrings! PS: whoa the way Ros is explaining her emotions, that resonated so much with me! PPS: the fawning part of me is worried that I might have misgendered your friend (I just watched your video about you being nonbinary). If so, I'm sorry, and it was totally a lack of knowledge on my part and had nothing to do with your identity! Here's the thing - I don't actually need to feel so worried about that sort of thing!

[@kalt1976]

This made me smile and giggle so many times, thank you both, I needed that! 💜😄

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

This is so validating and helpful, thank you. I've been struggling with this becausemasking alongside childhood trauma a lot of masking is unconscious and even noticing it is so hard and trying to allow myself to unmask, even for 1 or 2 things, feels very unsafe because of my childhood.

[@federicagermini2719]

great video! and welcome to the shaved heads club, you look great! hair flying around my face was the first sensory problem I solved, before even realising I was autistic... it's been 3 years, no regrets :D

[@stupidsminkle]

I love your hair! Also I'm still learning how i mask, how to un mask, and how to stim

[@Roseberry711]

I find it so hard to unmask with my friends and family. It's definitely harder with friends, as they already have a perception of me completely masked, whereas most close family have seen under. I feel unsafe being fully myself as I know it's not always going to be the 'social norm'

[@chloebunde4455]

Thank you! this was an interesting one to connect with and reflect on. I relate to this idea of layers of unmasking

[@serabi5736]

I really enjoy it when the two of you do a video together. I just have one critique. Roz speaks very quietly, and Ella projects more, so I keep having to adjust the sound. Good information and talk, though. I would like more like this. ❤

[@Rootiburgs]

Love the hair! Unmasking...work in progress

[@EugeniaPortobello]

I sooo relate to what both of you are saying, thank you so much for the video 💕🙏😘

[@briena8881]

My favourite part: When Ros took off her/their glasses and explained the eyebrows thing (not sure about the pronouns here). I loved those facial expressions. It'd probably stare at Ros the whole time if I was close.

[@luckysmummy5325]

Brilliant video, thanks Ella & Ros! Really useful & fun. Xx

[@freyjaheidinger2028]

I adore your new look!!!!

[@merrymerrymead7749]

I do like your hair. My unmasking is going down badly with people i have masked with for many years. I think i appear bored/boring, grumpy, disinterested and confusing, or chaotic, loud, and confusing. Depends on how interested i am in the subject. I now have ME/cfs so i have unmasked quite quickly as i have very little spare energy for it. Despite the negative reactions, i am using it as a good measure of who actually likes me, and who likes me for what i can give them. Unfortunately most people seem not to like me, or not for very long. Never mind. No energy to chase friends. The real ones will stand the test of time, the rest can get in the bin. 😊

[@autism_and_niamh]

I know I'm a bit late to this one (blame my AuDHD self there) but oh my god, this has been the most eloquent conversation I've seen about unmasking!!! Amazing, thank you so much! One of the biggest parts of my mask is the automatic smiling - I get so frustrated at myself because I literally can't turn it off, and my cheeks start hurting by the end of the day! It's like if I don't appear engaged and expressive at all times, I'm terrified people will think I'm at the very least "odd", at the worst "mean." But I have no idea why I care so much about that?! I don't think I'm naturally or authentically a mean person so I have no idea where this obsessive mask about "looking engaging" comes from? Very similar to what you talked about! I also still hold back my stims in public (I feel like that's the "final stage" for me when unmasking as it'll naturally garner public opinion and I'm pretty rejection sensitive) but my stims tend to happen when I'm daydreaming/excited and can get out of control and "lock me out" of reality if I let them. So I'm pondering whether masking actually makes me more present in the moment too: can masking serve a partially beneficial purpose?! A dilemma. Anyway, sorry for the ramble! Wishing you both well x

[@gregofthedump]

Something's different. Are those new ear rings? I started unmasking long before i knew i was autistic.About seven or eight years ago, I became tired of being an adult, so decided to go back to a way of living I enjoyed as a child. I don't recall exactly what i did, but whatever it was, it worked. I began to feel better.

[@galathoughtart]

I use the eyebrow hack too! And I also used to believe I was the original discoverer of lip reading and hand sings. I hear well and am normally highly talkative, but it is always a drain to my energy.

[@hispoiema]

Really good and relatable conversation. Thank you!

[@Eleonore.77]

Spock Resting Face, here (and similar-looking eyebrows as Spock) - cracked up laughing thanks to Ros : "Who needs eyebrows ?" lol 😎 Can't wait to let my face become young from somehow letting those muscles rest and drop their masking qualities... Lovely conversation, thank you both 🙂

[@leilap2495]

I love your new hairdo! Congrats!

[@wendyheaton1439]

You both mentioned on a number of occasions just how much energy it takes to mask. I like you Ella have CFS/ME and wonder if unmasking could be part of the recovery journey? Could our CFS/ME be caused in part by years of masking? Or is it really misdiagnosed long term autistic burnout? I would love to know your thoughts...

[@amayatheperson1074]

Love love love

[@rainbowgirl55]

I'm finding it really hard to unmask because I struggle with my emotional regulation a lot and fear people seeing me upset a lot of the time so I stay masked.

[@aprilmichaeli1334]

I appreciate noticing the lack of comments on your hair change, as the ones I do see about buzzed hair are typically negative (so I buzzed my hair slightly out of spite right after Christmas). I personally love buzzed look, and the first think I thought was "You and Ross have switched places" (am a newer viewer, but looked through older videos as well). I think that to me it just really brightens up the face, and it's not something where you have to worry as much about your face shape. As someone that does not fully identify with autism but whose fraternal twin is probably autistic, I've had difficulties to a lesser degree involving masking. I typically understand social cues and norms quite well and automatically, but can struggle a lot with emotional reciprocity unless I am putting on a persona, and used to have great difficulty recognizing emotions (as a highly introspective analytical person with an interest in human aspects this improved rapidly). The way that I mask also makes me genuinely happy because my persona is happy, but in a way that takes more energy, so it's hard to distinguish between happy from emotions and happy from making expressions that then influence my emotions.

[@julen2380]

A bit late to the party with this one but still super helpful. I'm not formally diagnosed but am pretty=very sure that I am AuDHD...when I'm not suffering from imposter syndrom. You talking about turning on very expressive facial expression as masking really helped me. In my usual blacl/white way I have either bitchy resting face or very expressive facial expressions that are generally me but that I also use as masking. Hmm. Ella, if you still see this - do you think part of you feeling you need to turn on the bubbly persona, make everybody feel happy, welcome etc is also linked to gender roles?

[@Autisticheather]

I enjoyed it. Im still learning and experimenting. Its weird and uncomfortable and a little scary, but certainly worthwhile. Its also about who am I exactly unmasked? And do i leave myself too vulnerable doing so? Is it better to mask in certain situations that my be emotionally unsafe to show my real self? Exploring all of this

[@cupofteawithpoetry]

Thanks for a great video guys. Your new hair style looks awesome Ella! 😊 A tea drinking cat! 😂 🐈 🫖 😂

[@VTPPGLVR]

When I’m concentrating people say I look so worried. I’m like “y’all, I’m getting endorphins from these brain tingles!!”

[@kayjay-kreations]

Love your hair qould love to know the processbehind it and how you felt feel i have often felt like doing it too

[@andyaspine]

Thank you for the video I enjoyed it

[@LifeShortsGaming]

"Who needs eyebrows" xD 13:23

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

I am trying so hard to smile less. I have over smiled for the last several years and it is a hard habit to break. It is exhausting and I do not seem genuine.

[@lellmajar]

Thx u so much for the video, Ella and her beautiful soul friend, hope you're well, I pass through some bad things with my toxic parents today, but you made me smile, is soooo cool seeing Ella with friends, hope to see it more, greetings from Ecuador Latinamerica. BTW I LOVE YOUR STYLES THEY'RE SO INCREDIBLE, me as a non binary I wish those clothes 😭😭💕💕, me being with only cis man clothes shit

[@amandachapman4708]

So you and Roz have swapped hair 😁 When I first started to see Roz she had her head shaved,, now she has hair and you have clipped yours really short. Cool. Unmasking, yes. I'm fortunate to be retired now, so a work persona is one thing I don't have to worry about any more. But at age 66 I've had plenty of practice at masking. I find it easier to think of it as pretending. Gradually I'm finding out the multifarious ways I've been pretending all my life, and trying to work out how to be more authentic. It's hard. I'm burnt out and it's taking me a long time to heal from that.

[@rosea570]

Also, great hair!

[@julie_uk_]

Hair: great Unmasking (for me): work in progress

[@LawnMowersThingsThatMakeNoise]

Hello Roz and Ella

[@shannantreasure]

I have a deep and abiding NEED to boop people's noses. I ask for consent as well (now) but when I was a kid I could not stop booping my dad's nose. 😂

[@georginstudio5838]

thnku

[@jean-baptistelejeune1259]

Would you say you mask in front of the camera ? If so, to what extent ?

[@PurpleElla]

I think in older videos I am more masked. In the last six months less and less. I’m not sure it’s hugely noticeable. It’s more being content in my skin.

[@jean-baptistelejeune1259]

@@PurpleElla I'm glad you feel more and more comfortable ! And thank you for all your videos, they are a huge help :)

[@tudormiller887]

❤

[@electron2601]

Hello 🟣 🙌

[@tanzanite2971]

Does Ros have any social media? 🫣

[@rikkeknudsen_]

❤

[@hooverchips1403]

Youre so lucky to have access to groups and other ND people...