Avoid These 5 Mistakes | Separation Anxiety in Children

My most detailed anxiety video so far! - 3 Steps to Help a Child With Anxiety When Nothing’s Working | Full Guide - • 3 Steps to Help a Chil...
I hope this video is truly helpful to you!
FOLLOW-UP: This 🐶 Helped Solve My Toddler’s Separation Anxiety - • This Helped Solve My T...
😩 Separation Anxiety Masterclass - childbehaviorclinic.com/maste...
📗 Dr. Eli R. Lebowitz' Book - amzn.to/3oFS8oB (ComissionsEarned)
-----------
Learn how to fix these 5 common #parenting mistakes when it comes to #separationanxiety. In this video, I tell you why these 5 things can actually make #anxiety stick around longer. And, I give examples of what to say and do instead to get through the anxiety, that will make it better in the long-run. I’m Dr. Jacque from ChildBehaviorClinic.com. I'm a mom of two and a licensed psychologist who helps families with child anxiety and ADHD.
✍ Tell me in the comments if this was helpful for you and your kids. Are there other "mistakes" or problems I missed?
--------------
FREE RESOURCES:
🛌 A Simple Formula to Help Kids With Separation Anxiety - DoctorJacque.com/formula?utm_...
📚 Recommended Child Anxiety & ADHD Books, Toys, and Resources - childbehaviorclinic.com/addit...
3️⃣ Coping Skills Every Kid Needs Guide - childbehaviorclinic.com/3-cop...
📗 48 Things to Say Instead of Stop, Don’t, and No - childbehaviorclinic.com/48-ph...
--------------
0:00 Intro
0:34 Common problems with child separation anxiety
1:13 One of the most common situations with separation anxiety
2:18 It can be hard to do this one
3:50 Don't forget to avoid this
4:53 We often do this when dealing with child separation anxiety
6:06 This thing can be tough to avoid sometimes
7:46 Special formula to use with separation anxiety in children
8:24 Helpful example
--------------
WHO AM I:
Hi there. I’m Dr. Jacquelyn Bogdanov, founder of Child Behavior Clinic (childbehaviorclinic.com). I’m a licensed child psychologist who specializes in child anxiety and ADHD.
I help families with child anxiety and ADHD, so parents can feel confident they are giving their kids what they need. I take research-supported ideas and make them into simple, practical, and straightforward tips and strategies you can use right away.
I believe all parents and kids should have access to quality mental health information, ideas, and resources, especially when it comes to anxiety and ADHD. You and your kids deserve support to make it through the hard times together.
DISCLAIMER:
This video, information, and related content, including information linking to third-party websites are for educational purposes only. They are not intended to replace the advice of a licensed medical or mental health professional. Information provided cannot diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease. Engagement between Child Behavior Clinic or Dr. Jacque Bogdanov and others on this site or otherwise does not constitute therapeutic services, psychological advice, or consultation, and should not be considered a therapeutic relationship. If you are in distress and in need of immediate assistance, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
DISCLOSURE:
As an Amazon Associate, Dr. Jacque | Child Behavior Clinic earns from qualifying purchases. When you buy through links in this video's description, we may earn an affiliate commission.

[@DoctorJacque]

✍ Tell me in the comments if this was helpful for you and your kids. Are there other "mistakes" or problems I missed?

[@ketocravings2532]

Sure thing !

[@christieschnabel5359]

I love this! I'm a teacher and have a student struggling with separation anxiety every morning. I can use some ideas from this video in my classroom, but I would love more ideas! Thank you!

[@DoctorJacque]

Glad to have you here! Thanks so much for watching and your feedback. Your student is lucky to have you! There are so many variables when it comes to separation anxiety in school. How old are they?

[@rosettamccoy6123]

my grandson will not let his dad or me get 2 feet from him he has to take him to the bathroom and even out of eye sight I don't know if this is normal or not and he just turned 3 any advice will help

[@anoopgkrishnan5425]

My 80 days old baby was getting along well with me and my parents very well just before she got admitted in hospital for a week for her ear infection after which she s feeling so scared of getting seperated from her mom. she cries out so crazy wild with everyone else except her mom. thsi happened in a week. how to deal with this? kindly do advice..

[@shaukat9263]

Parents, take note! This video sheds light on key mistakes to avoid when helping children with separation anxiety.

[@PrasannaVinjamuri]

Could you also please make a video, on young kids missing grandparents, when their grandparents go back home?

[@shaukat9263]

Insightful video that highlights the crucial mistakes to avoid when helping children cope with separation anxiety.

[@PrasannaVinjamuri]

When I was young I got scared of the GEICO ad with antelope with night vision goggles, could you please make video on freaky ads on TV, to give parents tips on how to help their young kids.

[@Bruhadb]

Never thought of it this way. Excellent insights. Thank you so much for sharing

[@DoctorJacque]

Glad it was helpful!

[@boratsmagadijev940]

Amazing content, easy to understand, thank you.

[@DoctorJacque]

I’m so glad you found it helpful. Let me know what other topics you’d like to see!

[@uditkumarbiswal]

Excellent video and really helpful.

[@DoctorJacque]

Thanks so much! 🧡

[@irispetak3887]

You have an amazing content, I wish you had been reading or speaking slowly. I'm not an English speaker . Thanknyou for sharing

[@cetove87]

Very helpful! I will try these strategies with 3 years old. Thank you much❤

[@DoctorJacque]

Glad it was helpful for you! You’re welcome 😊

[@FoodShowFan]

Hi I just wanted to comment and say your previous video to this one helped me right away. The information about discussing and validating their feelings was what helped. I have a 2 year old son (almost 27m) Whois only with me, no friends, family or daycare/babysitters. He is very attached, and has separation anxiety. He cried a lot yesterday and threw a fit when I left him for the kid watch at our ymca. The day before he was fine there, because it’s been a while since he came and e remembered there’s a lot of toys there to play with. The next day (yesterday) he realized that I was going to leave and he did not handle it well. I went last night and watched/listened to your video, not really confident that the advice would be applicable to a younger toddler that doesn’t quite understand things like a 3 or 4 year old would. I went ahead and tried anyway, and talked to him about his feelings about the kid box/kid watch area, and not just about what to expect in the situation (lol Ihad done previously-“mommy will be back, you stay here while mommy exercises,etc”). Today (and I think I mentioned last night during his bath time) I took your advice about talking about his feelings he may have (“I know you might feel a little nervous/scared/worried about the toy area (at the ymca) and I know you might feel like you miss mommy- but don’t be scared, mommy is going to come back after gym/exercise/work out”). I told him when we got closer to the gym, and then once we got inside, I showed him where my room was, And where his room Was and that we are close by. I also told him to be happy and tell th lady his name, ask her name, etc, no crying. Well ll long story ,I’m typing this on my phone while I’m on the elliptical machine, with a calm kid in the kid/toy area! So thank you! If things regress I will update but hopefully all goes well! I will post this on the first video that helped me. And hey I went ahead and subscribed as a thank you’

[@DoctorJacque]

I loved reading your comment 😊 Thank you so much for coming back and sharing your experience. It's such a great feeling when you find something that feels right for your situation and family, and that also helps everyone involved feel more confident and calm. I also think when we tune into how our kids are feeling, it helps us have more empathy and be less reactive in the moment. And this in turn helps kids know (even without words) that they are safe and loved.

[@crown_heldhigh]

I appreciate you sharing this thank you

[@MikeyGlazer]

Doctor Jacque, you delivered. Value added. Immediately before this video, I was watching a clip on the same topic from The Doctors TV show, and they did not "turn the corner." We only got a script for the acceptance part, and I left there wanting to know how to turn the corner and what was next. You delivered it here with the "confidence" prong. The green slides with are gold. - MG (new fan in LA, Feb 2024)

[@DoctorJacque]

Thanks so much! Glad you stumbled upon the video and glad to have you here watching 😊

[@ASPLL23]

Thanks for this. My son seems to not want to stay out with out me longer than 30 minutes to an hour.

[@BookWorm2369]

Thank you. I will try these things with my daughter ❤️

[@DoctorJacque]

I’d love to hear how it goes 💕

[@BookWorm2369]

@@DoctorJacque I talked with her and told her it makes sense that she'd want to stay home with me since we had spent so much time together recently. (She didn't go to school for half of the week, plus the weekend). I told her that she might still feel worried or anxious, even though she has had some days where she didn't seem to get upset at all. I thought to myself what I would do in case I start to respond to her big emotions in an unhelpful way. I told myself that if I got frustrated or overwhelmed that I would slow down my thoughts and take a deep breath. We are taking things one day at a time, but I'm staying consistent with my expectations and making sure she knows that all her tactics aren't going to get me to change my mind. A few days have been very calm and she's willingly gone to school and the other couple days this week, she has been screaming and crying and clinging to me. I am reminding myself that her feelings and experience are very real for her. I am empathizing with her without absorbing her emotions. I'm not putting a deadline on her feelings or trying to change how she feels. I have also been trying to use fewer words when she gets tense or upset near drop off time.

[@DoctorJacque]

Thank you for sharing. Know you are not alone, and you are doing the very best you can. It’s great she has a mom who’s so invested in figuring out what’s best for her. I have a new, more detailed video just released today that goes into more depth about helping kids with anxiety. You can check it out here if you’d like: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qH2sipSBrt2eias

[@BookWorm2369]

@@DoctorJacque thank you 🫶 Checking out the video now !

[@theodore-mt8io]

I love this but what about with kids younger than 3, whose comprehension of the verbiage is still lacking?

[@marialyceboudreau1165]

Vaqluable information. So helpful. The sound is a problem because of a bit of a tunnel sound effect.

[@DoctorJacque]

Glad to hear it! Yes, hopefully the sound is improving in more recent videos :-)

[@RIOTPUNK1977]

Very important information. Wow. I needed this for my 4 year old. Thank you.

[@DoctorJacque]

Happy to hear this came at the right time for you. 😊 We are also going to be offering additional support for our separation anxiety Masterclass, starting next month. If you’re interested, you can check that out with the link in the video’s description and feel free to use the contact form to ask us any questions.

[@Punklian88]

thank you so much. i have to go away and leave my daughter for the first time since she was born. this will help me a lot x

[@DoctorJacque]

I’d love to hear how it went!

[@Punklian88]

DoctorJacque it helped us both tremendously. No tears no cry and we both had a great time without each other for the first time. Very grateful

[@cydmontero]

Just a question, should you leave even the crying does not stop or only when it stopped?

[@thatBroErick]

My 8 year is terrified with school. Covid hit whn she started kindergarten and she was a virtual learner the last two years. So now in 3rd grade she is so scared and feels alone and thinks no one likes her. Please help.

[@DoctorJacque]

Covid changed so much. It’s a big transition back to school in person, especially when you didn’t have much experience with it before. Your family medical doctor and/or her school are good places to bring your concerns, since they are more familiar with her personally. I also have a Masterclass on separation anxiety. It’s great for parents who are looking to learn more about how to support their kids with anxiety. You can find it here: masterclass.childbehaviorclinic.com

[@masterofthewicket1959]

My 7 year old is the same :(

[@emilygraham9008]

My son is 5 years old and struggles with being dropped off anywhere, whether it’s Pre School or Sunday school. He has been going to Mother’s Day Out since he was two and it’s still a major struggle to get him to go into class. The teacher has to physically bring him in. I’m so frustrated! I don’t know if we should start punishing him by taking away TV time after school or what. It’s honestly ridiculous he still acts this way.

[@DoctorJacque]

Thanks for watching and for your comment. Know that you are not alone in feeling frustrated. It's hard when it's been going on for a long time and nothing seems to help or get better. Or when kids don't grow out of something by the time you'd expect them to. If the struggle with drop offs is caused by anxiety, punishment is unlikely to change the behavior because it doesn't help someone get used to the discomfort of anxiety or build coping skills or confidence to feel and behave differently. When a problem has been going on for some time, it's really getting in the way, and you've tried what you can to help, it may be time to seek additional support like from your child's medical doctor or a mental health provider who specializes in child anxiety. I have another separation anxiety video that might be helpful too, if you haven't seen it already: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aJOrlZaumNNorLssi=TxVxJ3NrCbc4vUlU

[@meleksky1989]

Hi please help me my son is 39 months old he got use to nursery roughly it took him three week for him to do 4 hour session to have his lunch at nursery once he got used to he was fine until one day i thought he was used to nursery one day i left him at nursery from 9am to 4pm since then he is doing only one hour and hust two days it hs being doing 2 hours but at nursery he is after his key work only stays next to her and if she is working with other children he gets upset or if he cant see her he starts crying he is doing the same thing to his key work as he does to me he does not one me to leave him even for one hour at his grandmas. He wants me in his bed to sleep with him i am struggling what should i do ? Thank you

[@DoctorJacque]

Your child’s medical doctor would be a great place to bring your concerns. They can help evaluate what’s going on and point you to local resources.

[@user-hk6wh4lm6i]

Hello...great video....just wondering if u have any advice about my 6 year old son....ever since the school started random lockdown drills hes been scared/anxious and cries when i drop him off at school but fine and happy when we pick him up...he only cried once when he went to preschool but now cries every morning telling us hes scared of the lockdown..

[@DoctorJacque]

This is such a tough situation. Generally, explaining to kids that they are safe and reminding them that the drills are to help them know what to do to stay safe can be helpful. Also, using the acceptance + confidence formula is a great way for parents to support their kids through anxiety. You can find info on that formula here: childbehaviorclinic.com/what-kids-with-anxiety-wish-their-parents-knew/

[@Yourself554]

My child is 7 months… she cries literally every day all day! How do I prepare her?

[@macyblom5719]

Goodday i struggle to take my baby to day care because she gets really sick her stomach will gett running and she will vomit alot the problem is since birth she only see me and ny husband and we dont have people coming here to visit whenever we go to gatherings or funerals she gets sick and she is 2 yearsi dont know what to do

[@DoctorJacque]

Sounds like such a tough situation. I’m sure it’s scary to watch her go through that, and also frustrating when you’re not sure what to do. It definitely sounds like something to talk with her medical doctor about, especially if it’s been happening since birth.

[@o0laieta0o]

I'm trying this with my one year old and daycare but he still cries every morning... How long is it normal for him to keep crying? :(

[@DoctorJacque]

It’s so tough when they’re little and can’t tell you about what’s going on yet. Separation fears are really common in babies and toddlers. There’s no exact time frame, but it does usually get better as they grow and get more used to it. I’d want to know how he does after you leave and how he reacts when you come back. I have another video that’s specific to separation in toddlers for more ideas too! Hugs 💕 I know it’s hard.

[@o0laieta0o]

@@DoctorJacque I know he doesn't cry the whole time, just for a white when I drop him off, sometimes when he wakes up from his nap, and when he sees me when I pick him up (but he is usually not crying when I arrive). I'll check out your other video!

[@Ben_dude]

Is this video saying we should let the kids have a meltdown and still go out go dinner? Eg if they are crying at the gate we should force the separation?

[@DoctorJacque]

This is a good question, thanks for asking. This video was intended to help parents with children who have a significant problem with separating or separation anxiety disorder. So for parents in that boat, I would say yes, this video is suggesting for them to avoid accommodating the anxiety (by staying home) and go out to dinner anyway. There is of course nuance to this answer though. When we’re talking about transient difficulties with separating or developmentally appropriate struggles with separating, then there are other things to consider. Also, all kids need adequate preparation and understanding about what’s happening and the expectations before a parent and child would separate.

[@kimmarieburt1313]

My daughter had never been away from her 18 month old daughter. She has a college trip planned out of state next month for 7 days. She will leave her daughter with my son-in-law who is a wonderful father. I am so scared of the impact this will have on my granddaughter. She cannot understand these kinds of explanations yet. She already can’t wait outside the bathroom for her mom to use the toilet. She won’t accept my opinion that this could cause attachment problems in her child. Do you recommend any resources?

[@DoctorJacque]

I have a video on separation anxiety in toddlers too. Check that out if you haven’t seen it yet!

[@piuroy6443]

Hi ma'am.. my daughter 3 years old..everyday she go to her school ..but still now ..she didn't speak to anyone...infact she didn't answer to her teachers in her class room...bt she is active much more...she is normal...her activities at home..is high....pls help me...what should I do ma'am pls...what is the solution...pls reply me...I am from India...🙏🙏🙏

[@DoctorJacque]

Thank you for watching ❤️ Info in the video is meant to be educational. I can’t give individual advice because everyone’s situation is unique and can be quite nuanced. Great places to start for individual advice are your child’s medical doctor and/or classroom teacher.

[@FoodShowFan]

How do we do this when they are 2 , and can’t quite understand?

[@DoctorJacque]

Great question - check out my toddler video on separation anxiety if you haven’t yet! You can watch it here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aJOrlZaumNNorLssi=WTULK0mC2qzT_2m_

[@Haloofhope]

It would be good if you reduce the speed of presentation. For non native English speakers, it will be difficult to comprehend if the it is fast.

[@DoctorJacque]

More recent videos are a bit slower, hopefully. I think all videos have captions as well. Thanks for your feedback!

[@freshgreen54]

Pause the video, in the top right corner a "settings" cog will pop up. Touch that then go to playback speed and try selecting ".75" to slow down a video that is too fast.

[@ketocravings2532]

hey Jacque! nice to meet you from P24 :) new sub! definitely need your input to help with my kids :)

[@DoctorJacque]

Hi Maha! Nice to "meet" you too :-) Thank you for your support. If there are specific topics you'd like to see covered, for sure let me know!

[@DoctorJacque]

This is a good video to start with: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eaPPlZeoi559kM0 :-)

[@ketocravings2532]

@@DoctorJacque thank you so much ! I’ll look into it and revert back 😎

[@gerharddupreez6304]

Our 22 month old daughtet has to sleep over at Gran for 3 nights in 3 months from now. She does not see Gran on a regular basis. How do we prepare?

[@DoctorJacque]

Talking about it regularly with the details - what it will be like, where she'll sleep, what you'll be doing. Maybe planning for something she can bring with her that will remind her of you and home to make the stay easier. I have a newer video on separation anxiety in toddlers that might be helpful. You can watch it here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aJOrlZaumNNorLs

[@jackiwilson1489]

My child never had any problems, now he is 8 and he won’t let me leave his sight. We are moving this month and I am so scared.

[@DoctorJacque]

Transitions and stressful situations can be so tough for the whole family, and even trickier for kids who already tend to be more anxious. Everyone needs a little extra grace to get through it. There’s a great book for kids - what to do when you worry too much that might be helpful: amzn.to/3NJK8kL. If it’s really sticking around for a while and getting in the way of what you or he needs to do, then seeking out a local child mental health professional might be worth it.

[@crown_heldhigh]

I have a 4 year that is just starting pre kindergarten. She has been in school for about 3 weeks now. We are dealing with separation anxiety in a major way! She cries everyday I drop her off, she has even started crying at night (the night before she knows she has to go to school) This is her first time EVER being away from me in this way. And I know it’s a lot. Last night she woke up and didn’t go back to sleep until 6 am. I am worried and stressed about how to help her adjust to school. I hope these things help but can you please let me know what I can do for her?? 😢😢😢

[@jmk3110]

When you realize your parents did the exact opposite of literally every advisement in this video. 😐

[@DoctorJacque]

I think everyone does the best they can with the information and resources they have. And yeah, it is still hard when you wish you received something you didn’t. Or when you realize something could have been different or better.

[@kaylafield2503]

Forgive me if I'm overstepping but can I ask how old you are.currently?

[@jmk3110]

@@kaylafield2503 I'm in my 30s.

[@tanyazorilova6621]

You explain everything so well,very helpful but i would like to say that the way you speak it's somehow annoying,you speak very fast no hate!❤

[@DoctorJacque]

Being on camera is definitely a skill - one that I have yet to perfect. 😅 Thank you for watching!

[@tanyazorilova6621]

You are a true hero because we really need people like you! I started today with your tips and yes they work! I'll keep trying to do my best, we need you, keep going ! 🙏💗 Thank you so much!

[@rosettamccoy6123]

are you just wanting us to buy your books i thought this video was gonna help me but you talk so fast i couldn't understand it

[@DoctorJacque]

I don’t have any books lol. There is a YT setting to slow down the speed. Sorry, I know I talk pretty quickly in the early videos - working on it! 😊

[@chrispleasantable]

One Bible verse that can help is this: “So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and her you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”- Isaiah 41:10

[@user-ln9yq1zo5z]

Yes but a toddler will not understand it

[@RIOTPUNK1977]

You been watching loony toons too much. We want our kids to love us, not some invisible God in the sky.

[@RIOTPUNK1977]

But I get what you are saying. The new testament helped me when I was alone.

[@fighttheevilrobots3417]

Not everyone in the world is Christian you know

[@cutiekay]

Thank you I needed to see this comment. Thank you Jesus ❤️

[@nababiaminah318]

Thanks for sharing.. but will u please consider speaking slower

[@jackala67]

Hello...great video....just wondering if u have any advice about my 6 year old son....ever since the school started random lockdown drills hes been scared/anxious and cries when i drop him off at school but fine and happy when we pick him up...he only cried once when he went to preschool but now cries every morning telling us hes scared of the lockdown..

[@DoctorJacque]

Thank you! And thanks for asking. Those drills can definitely be scary for some kids. Like with any fear, showing that you “get it” and giving them space to talk with you about their worries can help. It’ll help them feel understood and help you learn more about what’s going on for them. With drills in particular (fire, tornado, lockdown), we can talk about how practicing what to do keeps us safe. Talking with school/teachers about our kids’ reactions to the drills and brainstorming how to support them through it might help as well.