LIMERENCE, SOUL MATES & AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT

[@deathrow989]

Is it bad if I watch too much content on this topic? It's incredibly validating and cathartic.

[@Loversinadangeroustime]

I’ve wondered the same thing… I’ve been watching for 11 mos and seems to still soothe me.

[@jdprettynails]

If it helps you feel better, I don’t think it’s bad at all. Ken’s content especially has been so essential in my ability to heal and move on!

[@carrievaleriaalvarez2198]

It is part of the healing process. You need it to eventually learn it was not your fault.

[@TheJosiejumper]

I was just thinking the same is it a tad overindulgent but ❤ it x

[@anonjtt7555-i9d]

@@jdprettynailsdo you think your ex partner ever healed and moved on from you having sex with another dude behind his back? A dude who didn’t even want to commit to you

[@spiritwanderer777]

This is one of your best videos, a goldmine of valuable knowledge, and so darn relatable, I wish it wasn't.

[@heatherhilderbrand7298]

Thank-You Ken, This was in my opinion one of your best discussions. I love how you addressed the subject and presented it. So helpful😊 Thank you for doing this, You are so appreciated❣️

[@laurenbyrnes8907]

Love your content Ken ❤ I could listen to you all day

[@HotRodHarley06]

Indeed she is my soulmate. Our relationship triggered every abandonment wound I have ever experienced. I began researching love bombing and ran smack dab into attachment styles. What a fantastic journey I am on now! That wouldn't have happened had I not gotten together with her. She's moved on to a different partner, me? I'm still grieving and working on healing my attachment style. I'm not sure if she's a fearful avoidant or a dismissive with an anxious side. It's my understanding that a true fearful avoidant is a very small percentage of people. I'm blocked after we had been talking about good memories.

[@jdprettynails]

Thank you for what you said about Limerance. I find it so upsetting and hurtful that the genuine love I felt for him is just written off as obsession and delusion. I find myself yelling at those videos “But he reciprocated!! This isn’t just a crush from afar that I’m deluding myself into thinking is a real relationship. He repeatedly told me he loved me, we spent an entire year together!”

[@marguskiis7711]

Yeah, they call love and being in love the anxious attachement.

[@lynnsmith4929]

I have BPD and ADHD and. I can totally relate to the fearful avoidant stuff, but the DA is outa that realm. Just ended with one and the oly difference between him and a narccissist is that he may have loved me at some point. Avoid both of them..they cause the same hurt and trauma.

[@missfrankiegreen]

Wow Ken so much in that!! I’m going to have to watch it again!! Also I’ve noticed limerence seems to be a bit of a buzzword I’ve been seeing a lot recently. Women telling other women they are struggling to get over someone and all they are told is to look up the word limerence. It’s not that simple!

[@barbara6840]

Pace is so key I am coming to realize after the disappointment from a discard almost 11 weeks ago. I'm in radio silence but damn the healing from that rush of just an 8 week experience.

[@bluestripes6037]

36:46 I have the same question. I have 3 siblings and we came out different. One is secure, one is textbook anxious, one is textbook fearful avoidant, and I fear that I am dismissive avoidant. All kinds of personal variations like birth order, gender, nutrition, heck even zodiac type differences would influence the outcome

[@deepthoughts87-d4s]

Are you the oldest sibling?

[@sapnapandey5922]

Amazing this is called surrender to the universe by letting things happening on their own believing that what ever is happening is happening for a reason, it could be a lesson or a level up. I am still with a fearful avoidant nearly at the end of the relationship. I just waiting for divine timing ❤

[@pollycounts8589]

So incredibly helpful. Thank you Ken!

[@susiesunshine1969]

Such a great talk. This definitely speaks to my experience. Validating. Can could you please talk more about avoidance and Situationships especially the first few months? Where you feel like you’ve met this person that really gets you and then there’s this cut off or the slow fade and your left feeling like there should’ve been so much more. I found for me that when I remember Parts of the actual bonding, it activates continual longing like this should have been more. Because on some level, this person was deeply meeting my needs in a way that someone else had not before. When that gets taken away, it feels traumatizing brings up a lot of old stuff. But this is also a tremendous opportunity for transformation and growth and I do look at this person like a soulmate because of the deeper connection and it forced me to deal with things I didn’t want to deal with about myself and my history.

[@Sarajb517]

I love you . Thank you for being uniquely you ❤

[@TheRealCoozi]

Dude I haven’t cried about this breakup in a month but the titanic thing fucked me up a lil

[@TheJosiejumper]

How do you break the cycle of repetition ?I do love your videos you are so engaging

[@marguskiis7711]

It made me bitter and cruel man. Is it good?

[@Natalie-td2mq]

Have you seen that film "about a boy" he talks about men being islands at the beginning and goes through a transformation

[@Pinchofpunch]

My ex (first serious gf) and I were together for 2 years. She didn’t open up to many people about things from her childhood and she had a hard time expressing her feelings from the beginning. I just assumed it would get easier over time, but as the relationship progressed she stopped sharing. I would get frustrated during conflict when she’d shut down and she’d say “I just process slower than you” but she never actually came around having “processed”. Because I became anxious, I feel like I became pushy and impatient and she said she felt like she couldn’t open up to me. I took this personally because I didn’t know avoidants existed. How do I let go of this guilt that I contributed to this unhealthy dynamic? I wanted so badly to make it work and I said we should try couples counseling. Two weeks later, she discarded me abruptly after pulling away throughout the week. My nervous system was haywire, but I just assumed if something was wrong she would tell me! She didn’t. Yet I still blame myself for not having stayed empathetic and patient. We were each other’s first girlfriends (WLW).

[@thealphabetist]

Well, some people don’t process simply because they can’t. It’s not their fault, they never learned it and then suppression is the only way to cope with difficult emotions. I feel you, I had no idea what attachment theory even was while in a relationship with a severe FA, and it took me a long time to forgive myself for some of my thoughts and reactions to his behaviors. But what can you really do if all you have is uncertainty and mystery about your partner that’s never solved? What do you have to hold onto? If you don’t have an incredibly strong, secure mentality, the situation will be very detrimental to your mental and emotional wellbeing. Healthy attachment is all about building and maintaining a secure base to return to, and insecure attachment can’t provide that stability.

[@LiMckenzie-x8b]

Oh Ken I could talk to you so in depth about why genetics are the drivers of all sorts of MH conditions 😊 down to the bottom all the way to the top, the end result isn’t necessarily genetic which is why certain MH conditions can change I told this to a psychiatrist 14 years ago when I was in his office, I’m one of those that questions everything and sees patterns, and told him exactly what needed to be done in order for successful treatment of people presenting with MH conditions - he said with a ‘professional, I have been to university & I am the dominant one here you silly patient’ kind of tone, ‘you do know you ruminate too much, do you know what the word ruminate means?’ 🙄 I was 25 at the time Fast forward all these years, & ‘new studies’ are ‘showing’ that these protocols should be implemented!!!! I’d love to sit down with him now & say ‘you do realise Dr, that not all intelligence comes from books and lessons at school don’t you, some people have an innate insight for these things ya know’ 😑

[@Natalie-td2mq]

Apparently blood type can predict a person's level of anxiety as well or how they feel anxiety

[@malikahharrison4194]

I felt all of those things then he went back to his Ex

[@robertdeskoski9783]

Codependency doesn't exist. It's not in the DSM, it is a generalised term.