AVOIDANT MEN - Why giving them space will NEVER make them love you!

If you're dealing with an avoidant man, giving them space will not make them love you. Watch this video for insights on understanding avoidant men and attachment styles. Tune in for advice on how to navigate relationships with avoidant partners from The Attachment Specialist, Adam Lane Smith.
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[@yoursparklecoach]

You're the only person online speaking about this in such a healthy, easy to understand way. You're also so respectful of both attachment styles in a particular relationship. Anxious Attachment can be so overwhelming with an Avoidant person. You give such practical steps and honest advice! I am the anxious person with an avoidant person. Your videos give much needed hope and comfort! Thank you for all you do AND for the way you speak in such a calm and peaceful way. You are definitely following a Divine calling!

[@Justmeandmyai]

This🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@jlyn406]

As an avoidant on my way to being a secure woman. Consistency, open communication, honesty, respect, and fairness helps. I am hoping to get more clarity in the beginning stages of dating an avoidant haha

[@Justmeandmyai]

Hi Adam! Man! I wish I would have found you months ago, but the good news is that I DID find you at the perfect time because the partner makes the difference. Here’s my current situation. We met went on a date basically never spent a night apart less than a month in. We are a year and a half into our relationship and have lived together 90%of it. Last month he said he realizes his behaviors broke me and that I would hate him but he needed to give me space to find myself. Of course me being severely unable to co regulate at this point in the toxic cycle, I felt like I was dying and went crazy. He kept allowing me to show growth, but I hadn’t gotten it until Last week I discovered you. It’s like the wool was lifted off my eyes and I realized how every single reaction each of us had was the worst possible for each of our attachment styles. So He did meet with me Monday and heard me out never once interrupted me. He saw I was now able to not have an extreme emotional reaction. So what do I do now? Lol

[@jennymum]

Run

[@mysolesmiles]

Thank you!! Married 36 years this summer, this constant struggle has drained me and I feel like, I as an individual have been dying. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. I will try one last time hoping we can grow together. I'm sharing your videos with him and see if he will put in the effort also. Thanks much,and pray more ❤️

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're very welcome! Congratulations on reaching 36 years of marriage this summer. It's incredibly brave of you to give it another try and share the videos with him. I genuinely hope he recognizes the effort and commitment you're putting into growing together. Let me know how things progress!

[@noticeyourneighbor8649]

Your comments help me to really feel peace about leaving my failed past relationships. My partners didn’t want to communicate and work on things and I was left but no choice but to move along. Now I’m in a healthier relationship and your advice is helping me to not repeat past mistakes

[@Gracie4012_]

Adam, your videos have helped me so much. There were things my avoidant did that caused me to be very anxious. But once I started watching your videos and discovered HOW avoidant men show love I was able to relax, work on becoming more secure in areas in my life. It's really helped my communication with him.

[@Zara19888]

Love your content. You are the only person I have found online that gives correct information about avoidants. I recently went no contact with mine after he was overwhelmed with our relationship developing and life stress. It has made it worse. I would normally give space from my emotions but still be present in his life. The space is not what they want. They want a break from the emotional heaviness of the relationship. I fear I have ruined things. Ps I can’t phathom how relaxed you are whilst a tornado is over your house 😆

[@HilaryMau]

Thank you so much Adam! I love how we can get straight forward yet kind answers that aren’t all anti-avoidant from you. It’s so refreshing! Avoidants deserve to be understood and loved just like everyone else

[@felonious77-00]

Awesome video! Thank you.

[@VCNash]

This live helped me find your channel a few days ago. Best day ever!

[@teresaadams7368]

Thank you so much for all of your help❣️❣️❣️

[@sindhusekar1918]

Thank you for the information. ❤ Stay safe during tornado.

[@emma-sadie]

I am so happy to have found you. You have helped me tremendously.:)

[@banjilu3123]

I’m an anxious avoidant. Slaying Your Fear is on repeat!

[@fasiah]

Thank you so much for the work you are doing. It is so important for avoidant men who legitimately are not trying to be manipulative. The ones who voted their emotions off the island at a young age in self protection and are now confused as to why they now feel unlovable because they lack the capacity to receive the love they so desire. Your videos give hope for men who have been villainized and written off. I know and love such a man 😢. Sadly he pushes my love away. I shared two of your videos with him and he said he felt seen but didn’t quite know what it means. I encouraged him to watch more of your content because of the way you approach this topic.

[@leannebracey862]

Your videos are super helpful. Thankyou!

[@vivyenvu]

Thank you for helping make sense of avoidant attachment! I thought I had a good understanding of it from watching most of your videos, but I always learn something new, especially in these livestreams 🙏

[@janelupo6023]

Woah! I had no idea you are ALSO from Wisconsin! I'm hunkered down here with Tornado warnings, too! Thinking I might be dealing with an Avoidant also, but not sure. Bless you for what you have to share!

[@lauralea8396]

Adam, thank you!

[@lauralea8396]

Just joined!!! I’m all in. I’m a Nurturing Anxious partner. Love your clarification of types.

[@lauralea8396]

I’m in this exact situation tonight and it is horrible. It’s been 2 days after a family event that had nothing to do with me.

[@Onyxopus]

This one is sublime, especially toward the end 🎉.

[@ashton1952]

Thank you for the practical advice of what to do. So many people insist on their way, probably for lack of knowing what to do, and then get frustrated and hurt which can make them lash out. Much appreciation for these explanations which make total sense.

[@ihiroe]

Thank you! As a counselor I have used attachment theory in substance use disorder counseling. Would love to see your detailed take on this issue more. Great work.

[@lesliegirl1514]

Thank you again for your perspective last night. So happy I was able to hear you live.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for listening🙌

[@TheVioletWolf]

Dang! I missed the live stream! Watching now, we live in ATX, and my partner is taking your course, and I'm definitely wanting to do it myself. It is only the beginning, but there have been leaps and bounds on our relationship and communication. I appreciate the work you are doing so so much. He says he believes I'm secure attachment and he's avoidant. I've always given men space, and thought it would help my partner during our off times, and he said the same, he would just isolate, so I am learning that it's not really applicable for him.

[@laurievia8344]

Love your videos…new subscriber, learning to love an avoidant! Thank you, thank you!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much for your kind words and for subscribing! I'm glad you're finding the videos helpful.

[@adrienneoliver5815]

I’ve been learning about attachment theory for a few years and I just recently found your channel and have learned so so much more!! I love that you teach about brain chemistry cause it really helps me understand this at a whole new level.. I’m secure (previously anxious) and my boyfriend is very avoidant

[@haileypeterson989]

Thank you for doing God's work ❤ 🙏 I'm the partner of an avoidant man whom I really care about. The tornadoes....yikes. Over in Minneapolis, we were very fortunate to have missed the tornadoes, just some good t storms. Sad for the folks in Iowa though....

[@MartaHobzova]

I didn't think about this thing with space when it comes to avoidants so thoroughly - thanks for explaining that and why it's not solution.

[@RevMarciaBoyerMinister]

I'm on a massive learning curve via your videos, Adam. I am looking at each of my previous relationships through this lens, and see I have been all over the spectrum of the attachment style curve, which probably identifies me as disorganized. Painful to see, so important to see...

[@Bhreagh1980]

I am interested in all human behaviours and you are very respectful to Ethical Avoidant attached people. Appreciate your videos, thank you.

[@olgatitzenthalerova4722]

Adam, how you do that you are such a sunshine, while speaking about those hard topics. It is so positive to hear/see your videos, since I do I am like in . I am anxious and have experiences with avoidant. To have the oportunity to get those advices is gamechanger together with my previous therapy and work on my safe attachment style, that gives me hope, that life can be much better ♥. It is also important, that you are clearly saying, that not all can be fixed, if there is no mutual effort to work, that is very honest.

[@wildoats96]

This makes so much sense.

[@johannanyberg6800]

Thank you so much for these videos❤ They have helped so much to understand being a avoidant😮

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm so glad!❤

[@roxidiana1]

The best advice ever.. learn to self regulate! ❤ Thank you!

[@namepending155]

Good message. I appreciate it. It is challenging to listen in between you pushing your services. It also plants seeds in my mind about conflict of interstate. I suggest starting or ending with it. In the meantime I will be skipping and speeding through it. Again, I appreciate your message and content.

[@calistew2766]

Discovered your channel a couple of months ago and finding the content very helpful! Thank you for doing what you do! I can absolutely confirm as a FA-moving towards secure that self-regulation is a huge piece to the puzzle in all of this, without it, it’s as if you will never have the other pieces needed to complete a beautiful-fulfilling-HEALTHY relationship puzzle.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much for your support and feedback! I'm glad to hear that you're finding the content helpful on your journey.

[@Emma-wv8bm]

Thank you for saying it’s fixable Adam! 😂

[@mistylea2250]

Thank you so much for your videos!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you like them!❤

[@BodySoulDance]

I only recently discovered you after being broken up for 6 months with an avoidant. Although I had been listening to other attachment specialists-I felt like you would be so relatable to him in understanding his avoidant attachment. I referred him to you and your channel and can only pray that he is listening. I am also understanding so much more from you that I didn’t get from other coaches. I only wish I knew “how to love an avoidant man” BEFORE the breakup-I didn’t even know he WAS while I was with him and only learned all this, sadly, when it was too late.

[@sandram6068]

This was so interesting. What a blessing to learn all these new behaviors and not enabling disconnection .

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much, I appreciate your feedback!

[@jlyn406]

Thank you!

[@kaylakayla7341]

You are the best!

[@ZlatanZizou]

Eye opening content.

[@swasandswam]

Very interesting! When you answered some questions at the end a topic came to mind that (I think?) you haven‘t talked about yet. I would love to watch a video from you where you talk about how to handle avoidants making up excuses why the relationship won‘t work and keep finding reasons until they just say „I can‘t“ or give up and don‘t put in effort to get back together. It‘s so sad to see my ex trying to find reasons when in reality deep down he craves a connection with someone like me.

[@tiffany00nelson]

I have seen practically all of your videos. It has changed my life.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Wow, I'm so happy to hear that!! Glad my videos were helpful❤️❤️

[@tiffany00nelson]

@@AttachmentAdam haha It blows me away. Just being able to understand myself and how old relationships have played out. I've been single 20 years... This has the potential to save so many couples... maybe even help me find and keep someone 🙃

[@evivarnavides2269]

I love your perspective about avoidant attachments. Other information/ advice on the internet is contradictory to your info. I'm connecting with an avoidant and I would really like to try your advice because the space thing has not been working at all. Thank you.

[@jhow3d688]

Thank you for all that you do.

[@AttachmentAdam]

So nice of you❤

[@marik8624]

Re-watching this again, reminding myself of things I need to know. Excellent advice, again 👍🏻 Edit: something you said popped for some reason this time. When you said to someone how to "close the space" by talking without getting upset or crying, etc. Right then I was thinking it's so hard for me. Often when I'm talking about something difficult, I cry, it's always been the case for me. I think it comes down to the fact that I feel so insecure about myself and reverse back to a child like mode. Then you said another thing. Approach the talk on a business point of view. Boom! 🤯💥 Yes. I don't want to deny myself of feelings, they're part of me, but looking at the situation from another point of view than what I've gotten used to, maybe it could help. I believe there will be possibility to try it som day. We learn new things every day 😊🙏🏻 I'm grateful

[@helenehaldi934]

Im glad I found your channel. Fa leaning secure because of my da. Dealing with him has helped me tremendously. He is not only da big time but also PTSD, tbi and did (multiple personalities -diagnosed) a war veteran with a perfect job for a da being a sniper. He has improved tremendously over the time we have been seeing each other but his ass still puckers (I can literally feel it) when he realizes how much he cares about me and his motto has been "don't love nothing you can't leave in 10 minutes" so that causes him to flee. I was giving him space and radio silence during these times but before I found you I was already challenging him on it. So, any ideas on how to get him more on board? We have a contract for seeing each other lol yes I wrote it and all of him each of him? Agreed to it. But I'm needing more thoughts and ideas.

[@hspinnovators5516]

Have you done the course?

[@heatherhayes6707]

This has been excellent because my guy is ethical avoidant and talking is much better with the measuring needs. Id like more information on the healthy relationship models. Thank you

[@pennydrainbow1010]

Thank you are content, understanding this is so inspiring. Partner 😢

[@cjthefox]

God am I so glad I watched this video when I did… I was so close to giving up.

[@jennymum]

Run give up. It’s not your responsibility

[@ems68ss]

I would love to win access to the course! You're information has been the only thing that has given me hope for a future relationship. It's simple, clear, and attainable, without years of working on myself endlessly. Thank you.

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're most welcome I'm happy to help, and best of luck! You can also enjoy the early bird discount if you decide to join now.

[@ems68ss]

I'm not sure which course would be better for me. The loving an avoidant man or the attachment boot camp? I've been single most of my life but tend not to move on after. I dated a very anxious man, but we're no longer together, and that's what led me here. What course do you suggest if Icould only do one for now?

[@barnbum6677]

So cool ur from wisco ! Dairy Farmer here 🐮

[@janereinhardt4715]

Partner, or maybe ex-partner. He was visiting me, got mad over something silly and left. That was 3 1/2 weeks ago. No contact since then. We have been together 19 or 20 years, both of us are retired.

[@veronikavanquish]

Oh my gosh that sounds so rough! Sending you love and best wishes okay. ❤️

[@athompson3485]

I gave my avoidant husband too much space when he started acting withdrawn and distanced himself from me and the kids. He ended up feeling alone and by his words "in a dark place" and had a 2mo affair. We are over a year out from reconciliation and still have some issues to resolve but he no longer wants space. Our communication is improving but I'm still struggling to get him to talk about his feelings.

[@lesliegirl1514]

I can’t find tonight’s live. I believe you said 7pm, which for me on the East Coast - would be 10pm.

[@seeratkaurkhalsa2098]

studying diif attachment styles i must say this anxious type gave me ghoosebumps

[@barbaraschroeder8425]

Hello, you must be close by to me cuz I was under that same tornado watch! The rain was sideways...

[@georginafronda496]

People are hating on them because they hurt people. Hurt people hate back…

[@mushuchicken8256]

Thank you. I'm avoidant dating avoidant. He will be going to therapy soon for his ADHD and depression.

[@bmatthews003]

Giving them space definitely makes things worse

[@terrytrowbridge2730]

Why do some psychologists consider it a disorder not attachment

[@ladeyofthewoode]

11:50-13:53 Our responsibilities

[@jennymum]

Run. Go no contact. Healthy people partner with healthy people. Let these men work it out for themselves. Grow up little boys

[@kayyy.beeeee6173]

If oxytocin is lowered in dismissive avoidant, wouldn’t the majority of them have erectile dysfunction ?

[@hspinnovators5516]

They do, many do

[@Foxie770]

Many do, especially if they watch p*rn.

[@vampy7966]

Most do!

[@kayyy.beeeee6173]

Thank you. Makes sense…

[@whiggygirl]

Mine DEFINITELY does not

[@watcher9983]

I'm actually waiting (and somewhat fearing) when you switch your focus to anxiously attached women, because, well, it's a problem on the other side of the coin.

[@TheBestOfLisaRenee]

I really want and need the free video copy tutorial on “How to Love an Avoidant Man”. 🙏🏼 I’ve been trying to do this on my own. I need help!

[@georgannkingsland767]

No communication not staying in this relationship blocks me

[@GigTop]

Visionary :D

[@silviamateevaloveintimacy6591]

Just a short comment on the title itself - neither giving someone space, nor not doing it, will make them love us. They either love you, through a decision of their soul, or they don't. No particular action or the lack of it is the source of Love. Now, if Love is already present, how we behave and interact with one another can determine the quality of the relationship, or even decide if there will be one. But we can't make someone LOVE us, through anything at all.

[@sheriedenfield3645]

My husband is a dismissive avoidant. He is so kind and generous. He just isn't great at relationships in general. The coping mechanisms he used as a kid in an abusive household are still the coping mechanism he uses today. He doesn't even see it & refuses to acknowledge it if I bring it up. It is a strain on our marriage and on his relationship with our kids. But that doesn't mean he's a bad guy! He just doesn't know how to function in a healthy environment.

[@whiggygirl]

How did you get him to commit please? The DA I have fallen for is exactly the same. He treats me like his gf, but absolutely refuses to put a label on things and won't even tell me if he ever sees us being official. Says he's can't be 'rushed into' anything (we've been dating 7 months and see each other at least twice a week-we are neighbours). He is so kind, loyal, honest, physically affectionate and thoughtful and I adore him, but he's making me feel ill as I'm FA and his actions are a complete contradiction to his words 😢

[@francleighscarlett]

​@whiggygirl sorry to hop in and hijack. For myself, when I asked my partner if he wanted to date at first, he repeatedly said, "I don't know" (we'd been close friends for years). I said I was OK if he just wanted to stay friends, but it seemed we had the kind of communication and investment that could make it work, so other than our physical distance, I was curious to know what the negative would be to try. He thought about it, and though I could tell he struggled with saying so, he finally said, "I don't want to jinx it," but he couldn't describe any further what exactly that meant. A male mutual friend of ours said, "Oh, that's a good thing." I was like, "Is it? It sounds like maybe he doesn't want to commit." The friend said," No, the opposite. It means he likes you enough that he doesn't want to lose you or hurt you." Two days later (with some awkward, quiet reflection), my partner agreed we should try. I didn't "do" anything besides appeal to logic, ask a question that made him think beyond a non-answer, and wait patiently to show I meant what I said and that I'd be OK no matter the answer. Since then, other than our first separation between visits (my bad on that one, I got separation anxiety at first) we've done pretty well. He's opened up more over time about his feelings, his past, and his aspirations, and he tends to show affection through acts of service. So when you ask how I would know by action, that's precisely how you know. Avoidant people don't typically gush all over you with lovey-dovey language; they show you how they want you to be protected and comfortable and not want anything that's a basic emotional need. But when it's time to get stuff done, it's time to get things done, and I need to recognize that my time to be supportive is when he gets in stress mode and does not reach out all day with insignificant stuff. I know he would answer/call back as soon as possible if there were an emergency. Building that trust, respecting his job and hobbies, and building our relationship immensely helped. I don't feel I'm sacrificing anything. I'm confident in having chosen my long-time close friend as my partner. I wouldn't say I like being anxiously attached, so learning how to respect his boundaries and find my own things to keep me busy has helped my healing, too. We have an amazing, drama-free relationship whenever we get together in person, and I highly believe that's because I hold things together when he needs to step back. ETA: By the way, this doesn't mean total non-contact. I don't "abandon" him. I think that's what's meant by "space doesn't work" because, yes, then they see you as unreliable. It's more like knowing when to be involved and interested in things that they're passionate about but understanding when they're task-focused. I should not interrupt them with things I can easily handle. I'm a single mom, and he always admires, "you have your s**t together way more than me," so I don't think I'd come off as attractive if the second I get in a relationship, I fall apart and need him 24/7.

[@sheriedenfield3645]

@@whiggygirl Next month will be our 26th wedding anniversary. He's a DA , I am AP. When we started out he was active in the Military and lived 8 hours away from me. We met through mutual friends while he was on leave. We talked on the phone once a week(it was 10 cents a minute back then) and wrote letters. Other than me being a really laid back easygoing person. And the distance between us, that probably gave him some comfort and space to think and reflect on what he wanted. Idk what made him want me. But he proposed on his next visit and we married after 6 months. We have had to overcome a lot over the years. Somehow we've made it work thus far. We are about to become empty nesters this fall, so I anticipate some new structures and adjustments on the horizon.

[@whiggygirl]

@francleighscarlett thank you so very much for your reply. It's very helpful. Do you mind me asking how long you were together before he took the plunge to call it a rship? We've been seeing each other for 7 months but went no contact for 1 of those months 😢 he's only 9 months out of a 23 year rship 😱 but he says it was over 2 years prior, and she wasn't a nice person from what I've seen myself

[@noticeyourneighbor8649]

@@francleighscarlettI am in an almost identical situation. My DA boyfriend said that my patience in our relationship has healed him and I know it has healed my anxious attachment too! I am divorced from a DA and I was worried about getting involved with another man with similar traits but I sincerely believe that I was meant to meet my current dating partner in order to put some old trauma to rest and to find my equilibrium both inside and outside of my romantic relationships.

[@travelchannel304]

Well...and im a space giver . So, figure me out , then!

[@user-wr3gy7el2h]

Partner

[@Roxee22]

I love the term ethical avoidant... you are the only "coach" that I've seen allow space for this type of attachment style. It's been so helpful in explaining some of what I've learned from your videos to my partner. I'm a secure attachment w/ a bit of avoidant, who is with an ethical avoidant man. Understanding the dopamine vs oxytocin stuff was so enlightening!

[@kays3956]

I know of someone who is an avoidant. Recently, he suspected he might be having a first stage of Alzheimer's. We never dated, and I have moved on since 20 years ago. He lived by himself but would reach out once in a blue moon. I realise he wants to remain close as he might need the support. How can I provide support to him without emasculating him? I now have a secure atrachment style but certainly feel most anxious by his inability to organize and ask for more support from his friends and family. How can I communicate to him effectively without overstepping his boundaries? He clearly needs help. 😢 Every second, he delays the inevitable, I am certain he could get more help, treatment, and support that can heal him or rejuvenate him. Thank you

[@kays3956]

@SK-no2pp yes, I do. I hope I can convince him to seek help.

[@Seraphina93]

Dear Adam, After breaking up with my (manipulative type 2) avoidant (the one you said to, well, avoid at best, my avoidant friend has been acting weird. What can I do? He’s a fearful avoidant, in therapy, knows he is one (told me so), very emotionally intelligent and we’re friends. After the break up I told him about my ex saying he „wasn’t like him“ (not as nice and understanding I presume) and he asked „what am I like?“ I didn’t understand him at first and we joked about us both being slow on the uptake… But then now, three days later we phoned, his ex had just visited (she’s taken and not involved with him, hasn’t been for two years), he was extremely angry/ distant and told me how he’d basically not care if someone other than her left his life at all. He used an analogy, he didn’t say my name but when I asked again he said „well if we saw each other all the time and then you left it would be different, I didn’t exactly mean I don’t care about you“. We’ve been friends for six months or so, is everything lost now? I’ve told him that I think he’s amazing often, so I definitely compliment him. In contrast to others before me, I compliment his looks: his eyes, etc., which he said people never did before. He also said he doesn’t feel the need for a relationship (he doesn’t do casual), and can’t give hugs, but more often than not he stayed up with me when I was sad, or on my birthday, and even told me I could pet his (also fearful-avoidant, jk) dog. I’m so confused?

[@Sporkwoman]

Partner, I did feel I was securely attached when we started dating however, in the duration of our nearly 2-year on and off relationship I feel I have become more anxious because of yo-yoing. I really do love him, he is a wonderful man and I want him to be able to feel better, he has expressed about that he is unhappy and despite everything that is good in his life does not feel contented and doesnt know why, I give him space when he asks for it although it is difficult but I understand this isn't a long-term solution I just don't know how to get him to face it without him rejecting the idea entirely. 😢

[@felonious77-00]

Partner of avoidant

[@dysgh]

Hey Adam! I was just wondering, if my avoidant partner thinks it is a compatibility issue, that why we’re not working as a couple is because of compatibility issues and wants to give up because of that, while i think it is because we dont have the right tools like communication and understanding each other. How do i fix that?

[@TurningPointFarmLLC]

I am so confused and lost about these behaviors after a year of “investment” finally being with someone whom I have loved for twelve years (from afar) feeling that I have blown my one chance because he is retreating and I feel hopeless and don’t know what to do.

[@margreetweistra1538]

Adam, What is the thing that makes someone avoident? My ex hits some things but he is not afraid to cudle and comliment etc and doesnt care about money or possesions

[@stephanies1237]

How do you deal with a guy who sends 1 text a day consisting of 2 words usually and no other texts. When we talk in person about issues I'm told I think too much. Nothing gets solved ever and I'm cont9nually frustrated for burying them instead of resolving? If I bring them up later he denies there are any problems like he's living an alternate reality. Im like just last week we nearly broke up how can you say that. In person if I'm quiet he has a problem but if I open up it's wrong too. Most of our in person interactions go well. One problem occurs he acts like I'm always making conflict or always upset. I hate living this way

[@sueirgang3858]

Partern

[@bananaramen2000]

How bout if they’re legit depressive too?

[@flourishwithjodi]

Is there hope with an FA and DA? Lack of transparency feeds trust issues and I am finding it very difficult to settle in with my avoidant, I am working hard on myself, but he hasn't been open to learning more about himself. I am losing hope quickly. How do you navigate needing transparency when the DA feels like it's just "unimportant information?" It may be too late, going on 6 days of no contact from him. 😢

[@kpannes1]

Worse! And I listened to How to Love an Avoidant man video here on KZbin and I’m a little confused because in their you said to give them space to show you love them and I get that giving them space just enables them. How do I know the amount of space to give?

[@oliviamoore5328]

Adam, why would an avoidant rather leave it all behind than fix the relationship, (their own words) … what are they thinking and experiencing?

[@maryjoolson344]

Dunno about that Thought he put me in the friend zone and didn't question it as at 49 (gorgeous and never married) he is much younger 8 months later he got in touch on my birthday with deal breakers for living together LOL But I was thrilled to hear from him and we expressed our mutual lust In the middle of dental work I'm not ready to date anyone now or for the next few months, but I definitely text him more than he texts me and I'm ready to withdraw again If he comes around I'll be happy and if not well just hope I can muster the emotional control to look the other way

[@DiSWRwow77]

Hope you were safe after the tornado warning and all your animals too, of course. Let us know in your next clip if u can.

[@jonathank2348]

I'm kind of a partner of a dismissive avoidant gay male who is from a conservative Asian background. He doesn't want to be in a relationship because his "plan" is to go back to his home country to marry a woman and have children. His belief is that he can't trust anyone who is not his family and having children will also be his way of ģetting love as well as doing what he believes is important to do so as to make sure he doesn't bring shame on his family. I feel so sad for him not being able to trust anyone and want to help him see there are other choices in life instead of doing what you think other people expect from you.

[@Seraphina93]

Well tell him so, But if he really wants to ruin a woman‘s life to have an alibi (you say he’s gay not bi), I wouldn’t consider that a kind person to be friends with.

[@jonathank2348]

It's not for an alibi, he believes that is what he should do and calls himself bi but isn't actually. He thinks everything will be different once he has a family because then he will then be able to trust and love them.

[@jonathank2348]

Oh I should say we have been "together" for 2.5 years, not that he would say we are a couple.

[@georgannkingsland767]

I guess you will never love me time to move on it's too much work he's not the one for me...ty

[@Jess-wk5jo]

I have question. is it cheating in relationship if they got austim and down syndrome or is it different ?

[@erinsylv2098]

Run please. They don’t need to love you. They need hours of therapy before they are ready to date anyone. Don’t adjust yourself to their disfunction. You will get sick too. Just leave them alone. Not worth it.

[@Seraphina93]

It depends, some are self-aware and openly tell you so, And they’re not bears they’re people. Don’t tell others what to do :/

[@erinsylv2098]

@@Seraphina93 Nobody should be subjected to the cruelty of being dumped or avoided just because their partner has issues they refuse to get treatment for. Any adult should work on their issues before trying to date anyone. It’s the responsible thing to do.

[@taylordr2005]

​@@erinsylv2098And to all of us who have had years of therapy and are self aware? You know you cant heal attachment completely solo right? I agree with you to a point but if they are in good faith trying and you are abandoning them, then you never really loved them, and their risk assessments were right about you. Thats okay sometimes people dont match.

[@AWEdio]

Why do you bother coming to this channel and spreading negativity and judgementalism unless you yourself have issues?

[@erinsylv2098]

@@taylordr2005 The act of seeking treatment in itself is caring for the other person. But you also have to watch out for those seeking treatment just to keep you but not intending to genuinely work on themselves.

[@truthlover3160]

I say, stop dancing around people's pathology. Every person has the responsibility to do their own growth work. If they don't have the motivation to do so, then move on. Life is too frickin' short.

[@georgannkingsland767]

Goldstein breadcrumbing ears has one night stands terrible terrible moving on..next ty

[@worldadventuretravel]

*You DON'T waste your energy on people that treat you badly, full stop. You walk away and let life teach them their lessons because this is not Build-A-Bro and women are not repair shops for broken men.*

[@cassandrabethard5105]

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