Dating An Avoidant Person? Here's 4 Ways To THRIVE With Them

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[@jenniferparisi424]

They have all these needs and our needs don't matter

[@derrickak17]

That’s exactly how they feel. “You have all these needs and mine don’t even matter”

[@Pptsonyt8553]

I'm AP and I know it's hard to understand, but I'm pretty sure the DA also feels the way we do but we don't understand it either... So sad actually 😅

[@brianmeen2158]

I have to be honest - serious relationships don’t even sound enjoyable at this point. So much work that goes into it and folks being so much baggage and it could end at any moment. Exhausting especially for someone that tends to enjoy solitude for the most part

[@pure-pisces9980]

Exactly......giving, giving, giving.....i felt so taken for granted.....extremely hard to NOT personalise......what about giving back, listening, understanding the other.... It would of helped 100%!!! Im an AP ......extremely painful & crushing!!!! Never knowing where the hell i stood!!!...😢​@@derrickak17

[@norswil8763]

Wrong, your needs do matter to them. If boundaries are clearly stated, compromised and settled upon there shouldn’t be any surprises. Meet halfway, anxious behaviours are demanding, no attachment behaviour set should be entirely served. Communication and intunement also key.

[@veral2274]

It's absolutely exhausting. It leads you to emotional and physical burnout. And this is coming from a secure leaning on anxious. Which might explain how I've been in this rollercoaster for 2 years. A full blown anxious preoccupied wouldn't have lasted 2 months.

[@andziagreen4922]

I totally agree with you

[@karinanikoghos7285]

How absolutely incredibly psychologically resilient one must be to have an avoidant partner!!! Damn it lol. Don't touch them, don't talk to them, pretend you are dead, don't breathe, give them a choice to decide if they want you to be alive 😂😂 And yet, I am still with one lol Jokes aside, nice video ❤

[@andziagreen4922]

True. I have ptsd after his sudden discard. Never again

[@ayomikokila271]

True

[@Ikaros23]

The best move is to go « no contact» with avoidants. They can’t connect with others, because of their mental dissorder. But they still crave attention/validation. 1: We can’t fix their anxiety 2: Their anxiety and mental dissorder is not our responsibility Just let them go

[@OneManCollaboration]

Exactly. There is no winning just leave

[@Barbara-zo6pq]

I give opportunities for closeness but get turned down. Creates insecurities in me.

[@robertdeskoski9783]

Unless they're in therapy and working on what is most likely C-PTSD, none of this matters.

[@zkhan9936]

1. Do NOT Chase 2. Try To Reduce the amount of criticism you bring to the relationship 3. Stop making demands or using ultimatums 4. Try not personalize what is happening

[@tatianawoellner6620]

How not chase? Then it is a no contact relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️They took so long to initiate any conversation 🧐

[@migueld5227]

Sounds like the only way to have a relationship with an avoidant is to have zero boundaries

[@mrsherwood2599]

There ya go 👍

[@andziagreen4922]

Exactly, is doing everything to make avoidant to choose to stay and love you the way you deserve but never communicating any vulnerability. Been there and never again

[@raycarden7941]

It's exactly the opposite, we avoidants hate spineless pushovers

[@mrsherwood2599]

@@raycarden7941 and everyone else.

[@migueld5227]

@@raycarden7941 I disagree. What you avoidants think you hate and what you instinctively hate are two different things

[@teresmitch88]

I dumped him . He became a cry baby . 😭 I did everything you said not to do . I don’t have the patience for that immature shit

[@giselabrat3724]

Why stay with an avoidant? Is an equal relationship of both give and take not healthier? It does feel like a lot of work from one part only.

[@OneManCollaboration]

Here’s the REALITY. Just LEAVE. If you have any self love and respect, let this person go and focus back on your own life. These people will drain you, abuse you, and discard you like worthless trash when just the day before you were the love of their life and their entire world. Get off the anxiety inducing and insanity creating tightrope and save yourself. I know it sucks. I know you love them very much. But trust me. SAVE YOURSELF

[@amantinoubliable]

Thank you for your consistency and your videos Connor! Let's bump the algo straight away...

[@ManTalks]

Appreciate that!

[@CsVintageCo]

My dude.... You are Nailing it!

[@iamthem]

Great! But what about the feminine that doesn’t want to make decisions? I don’t know how many times I have been told, “I don’t want to figure this out.” “I don’t want to make the decisions.” The man/masculine takes the lead. But when the man/masculine is leaning more toward the anxious attachment.. it can be a bit convoluted.

[@11Cannons]

thats an interesting situation, mine is stuck in the masculine which is fear of losing control. I lead on almost all plans, but the frequency is what she holds on to. Im fighting the calendar of more plans and time spent. When you are leading, does that help the anxious side calm down? It has for myself.

[@derrickfennell8130]

Thanks dude, I needed to hear this

[@caitlinsoliman1658]

Why should people even stay with an avoidant person??? I get loving the person but you do not even mention that thought.

[@tjthetiger1980]

Great advice my man! Thankyou 🙏🏽✊🏽

[@OG_zennedout]

This was very helpful, thank you

[@dja-juicepowersourceproduc2887]

Great video brother real good information. Keep up the amazing work 👍 God bless 🙌 🙏

[@inquisitivewanderer2536]

Wow - this is gold, I tell you.. gold.

[@edithamaliaioo2228]

Very wise, great advice, thank you! This is best video on DAs I have seen so far , very good !

[@davidepace5819]

Such a big help

[@tatianawoellner6620]

This is life. How not to personalise. It is a couple relationship. Both people need to be validated

[@marievorburger]

Agreed. Ask an avoidant and give them small choices to make and their ability to trust and feel safe will grow much faster.

[@carlorizzo827]

ThankU This is pretty great! I love you said "avoidant state". Reinforces that these terms are not meant to label people. I appreciate your words on criticism. I've come to see that as alcoholic behavior. A waste. I'm single, lots o pain there. But i have a best friend who often avoids. Lacking romantic tension, I easily remain patient. He appreciates it! I respect his privacy. The reward is he gradually has become more forthcoming

[@Phatxual]

Thanks for this! The very last fact in this vid was basically what started the spiral in my last relationship, and I now realize it was probably my fault for taking shit personally🤔😢😅

[@VicBerger]

Thank you!

[@musokiemily336]

So so so so true. It's true. I believe that.

[@Nicole-yz7bo]

Thank you ❤

[@Botch_TV]

I have the fearful avoidant attachment style, I’m in therapy working on it. I’ve been single for 10 years after an abusive relationship. I like what you said about ultimatums. It’s true and having choices taken away from you at a young age is huge. I had to be the man of the house without my father around so I didn’t have much choice growing up along with medical issues. My abusive ex refused to give choices. It was her way or no way at all. Criticism too is a big thing. I do appreciate the opportunity to choose. I never got those choices. I connect with people, it just takes me a bit to warm up to someone. When I had to work, my ex hated it. She never said the things I was good at, it was always criticism. I understand the importance of healing and bettering yourself too. I think if someone isn’t ready to tell somebody something, they shouldn’t be forced to. Creating that choice dynamic and making the person feel comfortable enough to share it with you is important. I have shared things when I’ve felt comfortable enough with someone because they created that comfortable environment by being nonjudgmental and affirming that they wouldn’t be. It’s important to create that with your partner so they feel heard for both the avoidant and the other person.

[@DevinAK49]

Ill try the choices. Im anxious af and working in it. My wife is so patient, but right now we want different things. Im stuggleing with not backsliding.

[@Djboborei]

Why stoop so low to date a ticking time bomb with zero regards for you?

[@OneManCollaboration]

Exactly

[@robdog4095]

Gold

[@tatianawoellner6620]

It is exhausting 😩I wish I could go back and not have met him. Easier to learn how to stop loving him altogether 😢

[@_D_A_V_E_]

Could you discuss pathological demand avoidance on the part of the avoidant? I feel like this is a roadblock to what you’ve said about giving options because if resentment is built up and there’s PDA, it likely won’t work.

[@karasmusic123]

So offer them choices.

[@Bohemian_lost]

I wonder what if you are both avoident in a realationship? Please I need some advice

[@claudiateixeira3406]

Jesus! This video should be" How to deal with a Princess!!"!! Or " Be an insect or the princess will beat you!!"

[@surfreadjumpsleep]

Honestly do not bother.

[@KR-ou2qo]

2:56 How do you reduce the amount of criticism coming from the avoidant?

[@erica2105]

But this way...our needs don't matter at all? We have to shape ourselves to fit the avoidant agenda?

[@dragonpegasus1231]

from what I experienced as anxious, I learned to focus on myself more, by looking for positive activity that I can explore.. I contact him once in 2 days just to check his condition by chat and send him a joke or funny videos. we meet biweekly and i negotiate our date activity with him. look at him as a partner in life, but still prioritize myself.. so far it works out.

[@erica2105]

@@dragonpegasus1231 is that good enough for you?

[@edinbrodlic4564]

But is that really a life partner?

[@dragonpegasus1231]

@@edinbrodlic4564 we still have long way to go, but so far we're comfortable. The idea is to fix ourselves so we can have a more stable relationship. as long as we communicate frequently and try to find solutions to our attachment issues in a positive way. I think that's what a life partner does.

[@LorenzoMasterConnector]

I think this information is not meant to enable but to Better understand the person you’re with because you almost never really know who you’re with until you notice patterns. Unfortunately at times if we truly want to be with someone our desire to learn how to work with them is the ultimate sign of love. Now that doesn’t mean to be the only one doing this but perhaps by helping understand the other side it can help the other side begin to meet you also where you may be at. Very nuanced topic

[@Darkhalo314]

I'm starting to think that i'm avoidat attachement...

[@tatianawoellner6620]

I’m sorry but they unable to make decisions. They just act like a child and ask what do you want?! 😢

[@fiction589]

Wenn mein Hund geklaut wird, werd ich zum Tier. Dann geh ich über Leichen. Dann sollte der Täter um sein Leben rennen. Meinen Hund klauen, das ist vermutlich das letzte was du tust....😅😮

[@Andreus154]

Good video but too long . Try to keep the videos under 15min and you will get more subscribers and views

[@johnny4062]

This video is 10 minutes long though