Are They Emotionally Unavailable? DON'T CHASE, Do THIS!

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Have you fallen for someone who just can’t give you the same affection back?
Emotionally unavailable people are the relationship version of junk food. You know it’s bad . . . but your addiction keeps you going back for more.
This is nothing more than a formula for heartbreak. In today’s new video, I dive into the psychology behind why we’re attracted to emotionally unavailable people, and why just because something’s scarce (such as someone’s attention) doesn’t mean it’s valuable.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:02 - The Love Life Reset
1:02 - 1:39 - Emotionally Unavailable People
1:39 - 3:11 - Scarcity Doesn’t Equal Value (Diamonds vs. Air)
3:11 - 5:02 - Familiar Patterns and Trauma Bonds
5:02 - 6:10 - Confusing Anxiety With Love
6:10 - 7:44 - The Lens of Addiction
7:44 - 8:36 - The Dopamine Cycle
8:36 - 10:05 - A New Approach

[@NinaR478]

Understand these people are so ordinary and underwhelming when you take a step back and realize it’s you who makes them so special in your mind.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Dam!

[@anointedone1995]

He sounds like a narc 💀@@JustMe-ki3ce

[@zoeyanaqvi-zn7482]

True 😢

[@JP-sg1xb]

This!! You are so right.

[@luking2644]

Yup. The longer since break-up the more I realize how uninteresting and shallow they actually are. 😂

[@krishna335]

Chasing, begging, pleading, and hoping ain't gonna lead you anywhere. Disconnect from the person and focus on your purpose.

[@andriavinithalobo5813]

💯

[@TheOlfactory]

This is the only way. No matter how perfect, wonderful, magical, passionate, brilliant, beautiful etc. Cut your losses.

[@giovanna5593]

That's what l am doing, not easy when your heart is literally bleeding though

[@krishna335]

@@TheOlfactory, true that! We perceive others as perfect cz of our attachment. In reality, everyone has flaws. N someone who's meant for you will NEVER leave you in a situation where you're deeply hurt.

[@Shutzie27]

True as that may be, it is so much easier said than done. I am going through this right now, urge surfing contacting them, and it is literally agonising.

[@tinachristine4573]

I no longer interrogate the other party when they start acting flaky, I now turn the lens onto myself and I ask 'what is going on with you right now that is making you create room and space in your head and in your heart, for this person?' This makes it very easy to detach and to disconnect from an unhealthy dynamic. I'm getting faster and faster in recognising this.

[@Dmo12618]

Good idea here. Take responsibility for yourself, avoid the rabbit hole of trying to understand/change someone who is not in touch with themselves. Good you are getting faster at this, but be kind to yourself, you are going at the speed you are meant to go.❤

[@tinachristine4573]

@Dmo12618 self interrogation is not cruelty to self or self condemnation but a very routine thing that most of us are not taught how to do. And that's why you think that I'm not being kind to myself just because I practice introspection. I'm very kind and gentle with myself. Maybe you misread the tone of my comment. I thought I was rather plain and factual but you read a lot that wasn't there IMO.

[@bundlewade]

Wow! Thank you for this! I am currently in this situation, and your question is something I need to answer for myself.

[@Nika-je6zd]

Perfect. Yes, answering the question to yourself, why. Ex now I offer time for this person, because I feel lonely and need more friends and a new job! Total shift of perspective.

[@elmonte-xt2wd]

am reading this with so much respect for the person who has posted this.I am going to follow your advice

[@gabilarobardier7161]

He dumped me last night. I was willing to stay and work through our problems. He just wanted the easy way out. I’ve always chased him. He wants me to chase him again. I blew up his phone last night when he ended it. Today I have not contacted him. Your videos helped me during my last break up, they will help med again. No contact and working on myself starts today. Wish me luck.

[@Kristenoyinbo]

Don't ever chase a man ever. U are the prize

[@kirakira1212]

It's been 2 weeks!! We're you able to stand on your ground and remain no contact with him?

[@Hungry-lion]

lol same here it’s my week 3 now working myself to better and stronger

[@jillworthington5503]

Yes it’s been two weeks! How have you got on? 😅

[@kheicee]

i did this. i begged and pleaded to someone who was an avoidant and emotionally unavailable. he broke up with me because all i wanted was for us to have an open communication this time, i wanted us to fix whatever issues we had in the past, i wanted him to feel safe in opening up with me in regards to his emotions. but nah, he’d rather have it the easy way by breaking up with me than improve our relationship. it even came to the point where i said i wont force him anymore, if he’s not comfortable in doing that then ill adjust to what he wants but he ended it. 43 days of no contact today. he’s not coming back. first few days was really hard but im getting better.

[@kaoshi_kutie]

It will get better , keep going ❤

[@jpurvis1]

Hang in there, gawd, I am dreading this exact situation with the woman I am in a situationship with. Great sex twice, 3 overnights, then slowly fading texts getting drier and shorter...I am an anxious attacher, she is avoidant and has a full DM list at her fingertips...sucks.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Strength

[@CompanionCubie1]

Same story, sister🙏 You lost garbage, he lost treasure

[@NK-vs3je]

7 weeks for me. He always invalidated my feelings, blamed me, couldn’t express his emotions, was uncomfortable with my emotions and became so defensive and took everything personally… stonewalled and avoided me…it was exhausting. Great friendship, but an impossible man to create a future with if he couldn’t be emotionally intimate with me.

[@mrvocal21]

Yeah. Lesson learned. I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Definitely stuck in a cycle. Think the hardest part is always how they just move on as if the relationship never happened and I mourn for what feels like an eternity.

[@ashleydiaz8739]

I’m feeling the exact same way…. But exactly

[@denisecrystal_yoescribo]

Because they are numbed emotionally....and they were before when they were "with you/me". I was thinking, that's the right person that can cheat on you without feeling anything...

[@furahayamoyo9193]

Same here he is avoidant, I am anxious and it's like a vicious cycle all the times. I'm always anxious and walking on eggshells, I can't even express how I feel without him feeling like he is being attacked. I think he is also a narcissist, always playing the victim and gaslighting me.

[@Dxllface_]

THIS! He dumped me in January and moved on so fast. Yet here I am, crying and missing this stupid boy for the last 2 months while he’s dating other girls. I’m so done, so sad and so depressed. I didn’t deserve this pain.

[@furahayamoyo9193]

@Dxllface_ Trust me, he may seem like he has moved on, but he hasn't. He is dating all those women because he wants to block what he is feeling or going through. You feel whatever you are feeling, and believe me, one day you will be in a better place with someone who loves and adores you.

[@tanishasharma3449]

I lose interest when I notice someone is becoming emotionally unavailable for me. Rn dealing with one such person. It's difficult to move on when ur already attached to them but I'm destined to move on now for my mental peace. ❤

[@StephanAndreMusic]

I met a girl and we clicked rather quickly. We set a date for coffee. The night before, she cancelled on me; saying she picked up an overtime shift. I told her it was up to her to reschedule the date. A week went by where I realized I was initiating EVERY conversation. I called her out on that, and the fact that she never offered a day to reschedule the date; she responded with "Ok" and blocked me almost immediately after. There are also people who act like absolute children. I'm so tired of this BS.

[@library272]

Some people are too nice to turn you down because it’s uncomfortable to them to have that conversation. I had similar situations like you in the past where I would interrogate the person and basically let them know my expectations but nowadays I just match my energy with theirs. Recently I asked a girl out to hang out, she said sure but all the planning and initiation came from me so at some point I just stopped initiating and guess what. She never contacted me again. Of course it feels weird and I feel a bit shameful and like an idiot for believing her reaction but in the end their actions matter more than what they say. On the positive side this is a filter you can use who you want to be with

[@camellia8625]

Sounds like she is showing polite disinterest

[@robertawebber5776]

Don't be an option, show you value yourself.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Dating exhaustion

[@jimenascarlatta-yr5oq]

😢😢😢

[@andriavinithalobo5813]

I still remember how I used to plead beg few guys to text or call me Every day. I was the one chasing them. After I started watching so many videos on these topics I have become mentally strong. Learnt so many new things. ❤ Now I have made myself so Busy no one can play games with me. Biggest lesson: Never be too much emotionally attached. You can move on very very easily💯💯

[@L333_]

I feel like we fall in love with those who care for us in a familiar way - which sadly sometimes leads to old pattern

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

You cant chage them. They dont love you. They dont even like you. They like that you like them as it validates their existence. They dont love or like themselves. If you leave them they may wake up. 'We can only love as a courageous decision only after we experience a broken heart' (paraphrased quote of Jordan Peterson).

[@erikabaj9037]

Since I've started online dating, I realised that even people who say they want a relationship, and they even show up for us in the beginning.. they can be emotionally unavailable at the same time. Or they become it after sex. How fun is dating these days 😒

[@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027]

They never wanted a relationship in the first place, only sex

[@erikabaj9037]

@@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027 Yes, but trust me.. you only realise that AFTER you slept with them and they started acting confused or else. Before they were saying they wanted a relationship and they were consistently showing up, ect.. This also happens when there is no sex involved, and I found this attitude especially from men online. They seriously don't know what they want!

[@R.James.]

@@erikabaj9037 They DO want a relationship, but once they will find out you aren't relationship material they put you in the sex-only category so they proceed to only go for that. You probably lack certain features to be taken serious for men. I know it hard to hear this but you have to understand men's reasoning and what they look for in a woman and also how hard it is for a man to obtain a relationship. Men have to invest FAR and FAR more time and effort than a woman to get a relationship. In fact to even land a date in the first place is many times harder for them. So that's why they try to get the most out of it (sex) so atleast there's some return on investment for them for the ability to land a date. You and every single woman really have to think critically why men have it so much harder. Trust me if I say that a man who's able to go on a date, he has to prepare himself many years in advance building himself up to be selected and said yes to (or swiped right on). Women on the other hand just have to exist, no more. It's as simple as that. If you aren't willing to acknowledge this as fact then you will never get it.

[@NK-vs3je]

I’m ready to try match-making. Yes, it costs, but at least I know every man I’ll be matched with is looking for something serious because if they wanted sex or a fling, they could get it for free online.

[@erikabaj9037]

@@NK-vs3je this sounds like a really good plan! I wish you the best ✨

[@yamirelistoro39]

He was the man who was extremely emotionally available and would call me and made me feel extremely special. One day it stopped and it was never the same. The good guy can do this too. It’s a rough world out there

[@eternallight8024]

Going through the same

[@GUITARTIME2024]

I'm a dude. He simply found someone he was more interested in, or he judged you were too much work/unstable. We aren't complex.

[@JustMe-ki3ce]

Thank you for the confirmation. My guy played the long game, I ignored red flags 🚩…. I thought I was falling in love, it was a trauma bond. I discovered attachment styles, he’s avoidant, I’m anxious …. He was manipulating me, I allowed it. I’ve calmed my mind. I’m not doing this very sick dynamic…

[@jenninemorel7693]

I hope you are doing well now...I fell into the same situation, and it nearly devastated me. 💔 I'm picking up the pieces now🙏

[@julievanzile2482]

I think this is a super common dynamic. Happened to me too. Realized it when I got my head out of my ass. If they want you there won't be confusion

[@JustMe-ki3ce]

@@julievanzile2482 I thought I’d found love of my life at 62, just to learn it was just a game for him. That fact alone has made it possible for me to move on…. Wow

[@calila650]

It really is a sick dynamic, and the person who really cares is the one who gets sick.

[@jenninemorel7693]

@@calila650 True 👍

[@kellyhempshall3312]

I needed to see this today. I’ve been so sad after being “dumped” by a guy who was flaky, made me feel I was lucky to have his attention on the rare occasions he gave me it, who told me I pushed him away because I was insecure when I now realise it was his actions that made me feel that way. This has really resonated with me and was a total “lightbulb” moment!!

[@ireefree2024]

He done you a favor. He's the one who isn't good enough for you. Heal and move on. Find a guy who's on the same page as you. Many these guys not so "existing" like those who run away but for your happiness they are way better. All the best for you ❤

[@kellyhempshall3312]

@@ireefree2024 thank you. You’re very kind! Sending you best wishes too!

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Epiphanies

[@GUITARTIME2024]

His name is Chad I bet. Lol. He did great.

[@dianaschramer5065]

I've found that the key to healthy relationships is emotional and chemical sobriety.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

No feelings no prescriptions!

[@dianaschramer5065]

@CJRelationshipConsulting For me, emotional sobriety means balanced emotions, not no feelings.

[@95maferisturiz]

​​​@@CJRelationshipConsulting Choosing someone based entirely on how that person makes you feel is a terrible idea. Love alone isn't enough to make a relationship work, we need consistent intentions aligned with repetitive behaviors that follow a pattern, we need someone whose career or profession is desired or needed enough in society to earn a wage that can cover all expenses needed to sustain a house, we need hard work, compromise, transparency and honesty to make a relationship work. We need compatible values, beliefs, religions and cultures in order to navigate through our differences without growing apart too much, we need to have more things in common than things that differentiate us from one another, we need to build a common project as a couple in order for our relationship to be successful. Life isn't a Disney fairytale, real life has challenges that are way harder than fighting a giant dragon or a horrible witch who spelled your beloved princess, real life has challenges that magical spells can't solve, which is why feelings or sexual chemistry alone isn't and will never be a strong or valid reason to get married to someone. People need to get their feet on the ground.

[@Sarah-dn7ed]

So true. Not possible with any kind of addict, alcoholic, cannabis, porn... You name it.

[@TrueBlue1111]

Very true

[@iheartbellatutu6915]

Today is my partner’s birthday. Today’s the last day I’m gonna see him and give him a birthday he’d never had. I’m taking a break from him. We’re just going around circles all the time. He told me 2 weeks ago: “This is just who I am, if you’re not happy, I just can’t do anything about that”

[@ChocoParfaitFra]

Lmao my ex said something similar, he told me that if I’m not happy with how he acts I can leave! That was so insensitive… he was hurting me and for the sake of our relationship I told him I didn’t like how he acted He is just selfish, like your bf They put themselves first all the time

[@aatonnaa4958]

A date told me "Here is about feelings, no matter what happens, you will always come back" Damn I block him the same day. He begged me like crazy and I was told he is shocked till this day

[@carolinesilver4217]

A former soecial friend said ibwas dead to him​@aatonnaa4958

[@ashleydiaz8739]

Ohh best of luck friend. I hope you’re stronger than I am and come back share tell us how you did it so we can do it too

[@LosmitosdeDaniellefer]

@iheartbellatutu6915 Today is also the birthday of someone who said those exact words to me, how devastating, I understand.

[@Ontheroadofhealing]

I'm sooo glad I was able to catch myself into this pattern of being drawn to emotionally unavailable guys. Once I did. I broke myself free from anxiety and addiction. It's definitely liberating!!

[@Blablablahhhdgdrc]

How did you do this?

[@Ontheroadofhealing]

@mreen91 1. Find out what your attachment style is and how you developed it in childhood. 2. Recognize that you're drawn to people who remind you of your upbringing and see the pattern between that and previous relationships. 3. Work on yourself (being more loving, compassionate, less harsh, or judgmental of yourself). 4. See your real value. 4. Start creating new standards for how you want to be treated. 5. Develop contentment with your current life/circumstances, and you'll meet the right person soon!

[@johnnydi2231]

​@@Ontheroadofhealing It sounds nearly impossible, tbh. My nervous system is a freaking mess right now!! Ughh. 😢

[@Ontheroadofhealing]

@@johnnydi2231 I know it does. But just take one day and a step at a time. It's taken me over a year!

[@kurox3nek0]

Happened to me back in January. Got blindsided and he dumped me with the typical "It's not you, it's me..." and he said that he lost his feelings for me seemingly in the span of a few days. He never communicated his issues with me, I had no idea what was going on. He lied to me because he kept telling me that he loved me and still had sex with me even though he was already distancing himself. This is what hurts me the most. Been crying my eyes out for 2 ½ months while he seems perfectly fine and he continues on as if our relationship never even happened. Just heartbroken at this point. I don't know if I'll ever find someone who truly loves me and doesn't discard me once they get bored.😢💔 Feeling unworthy of any man out there because no one ever stays

[@marvel4528]

Sorry to hear...maybe the men you met are unworthy of you, don't blame yourself ❤

[@saniaz680]

Been through that but ended real fast so no sex he didn’t want to yet either. But it hurt me badly what and how fast he ended when he was the one giving me so much love and care and understanding. So gentle with me. I thought I found the best guy like I always wanted but real face was coming out a bit . He would get annoyed quick and the normal things I said and controlling he even said if a girl is going to be with me she has to change. And I ignored all this stuff because I looked at how good he was to me. I never had that type of treatment n love respect care but I guess it was fake or he was too strict and over confident , I’m still in shock. We met only twice and he was love bombing me like crazy. I felt so lucky to have him. But no just because he didn’t text for 4 days suddenly I got a bit upset and asked him and he said I fight and I’m manipulating. And he ignored all the food’s thing she gave me princess treatment for which he loved about me. They never are the same how they are in start. It’s just a mask. I’m still traumatized by this.

[@kurox3nek0]

@@marvel4528 Maybe, I really don't know. All I know is that I have a lot of love to give even after getting my heart broken by so many men up until this point... it just seems unfair and yet life isn't fair anyway 😔 The scariest part is watching the person you love turn into someone you don't even recognise any longer 💔

[@elmonte-xt2wd]

so sorry that u had to go through this

[@deborahwalker1208]

A light bulb just went off. Thank you! Those trauma bonds....I'm slowly but surely learning to rescue myself.

[@lyndalee310]

I love that, 'rescue myself '

[@mariahhelm5488]

Thank you for this, Matthew. I've been dating for 8 years with a traumatic and abusive past when it comes to relationships. I've been going to therapy ever since and finally feel like I am at peace with myself and feel anew in my own body. I've learned how to regulate my shit and it's honestly pretty freeing. Before I had made progress on my healing journey, my entire dating history looked exactly like this. However, I have found myself recently heartbroken over something that was so special to me. I met someone a few months ago. I felt safe with them. We could talk about the real shit and be vulnerable together. I felt seen, heard, and understood with an overwhelming amount of support on each end. But he just broke things off with me because there was "no spark," even though he knew the value I bring and says he considers me his best friend that he loves. I didn't necessarily feel it either, but I felt so safe and like my best self with this person. I preferred that over a fleeting feeling that I knew wouldn't last anyway. I now feel so hurt because I feel like they may be chasing something that isn't always sustainable and doesn't indicate compatibility. He let a good thing go, and I know I don't want someone who isn't sure of me, but it's still so saddening. I suppose the silver lining is that I now see what I truly need. And it's good to know I am now drawn to something more healthy. Thank you for helping.

[@blueskiesatx]

The ultimate emotionally unavailable person is the married person. Just don’t do it. The only upside is it may be the wake-up call you need to get clarity on why you are attracted to EU’s and do some inner work and healing.

[@sadiasadi3137]

Really? Why Married man Can' t leave his Wife?/

[@kanereall]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

[@jack-gx]

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

[@kanereall]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?

[@jack-gx]

Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@kanereall]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@basshunter9018]

it's always married men who play that inconsistency, games and create constant anxiety. they bring the highs and lows to someone. they can smell that 'someone' a mile away who can play these emotional games on

[@kaoshi_kutie]

Not just married , emotionally unhealthy and Narcissistic men display these behaviour as well ❤

[@floriankarl4659]

As a married man being in your position i can unfortately tell you, you are wrong

[@Viper279]

Everyone on dating apps is emotionally unavailable including myself I believe!

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Feelings!

[@GUITARTIME2024]

It's a freak show I hear

[@thewanderwoman3930]

I have just had to leave yet another avoidant person, and yet again im heart broken. All he complained about when i broke it off was how much money he'd spent! Ive only just realised after almost two years that my feelings, wants, and needs were never important to this person😢. Sad times.

[@ShortDarknLovely]

Now that I hear you talking about appreciating a sunset, I quickly remembered that during a heartbreak I was actively seeking sunsets at the end of each day. Now I understand why. I did appreciate them always have, but I would actively seek them out during that time. It definitely soothed me, but I didn't realize I was also coming off of a type of high. 🤔

[@elmonte-xt2wd]

Thank you for addressing this.I Am going through the worst in this worst 2017-2024 worst years of my life

[@johnangelit]

Finally the video ive been waiting for. Crazy how this happens. Thank you for this

[@misslulu9525]

Coming back to these videos is so triggering 😟 … I’m exhausted . Same pattern … love bombed then dry texts .

[@hilary4097]

i’d love for you to talk about emotional unavailability specifically in long term, committed monogamous relationships. it’s very confusing being with someone who you know wants a serious future together, yet the relationship feels so distant and empty despite best intentions. like a shell of a relationship. would love to hear your take on this to help people heal from this type of emotional unavailability (it’s me, i’m people)

[@jpurvis1]

Life is short. Walk away with a smile. There will be others.

[@gemmaburns6407]

I’m 4yrs in and believe me it never gets to that point, they live in fantasy! They want it but the fear controls them and all you’ll ever feel is rejection, confusion and most of all anxiety from hell 😢

[@Nika-je6zd]

Google "avoidant personality disorder". They will never change. Then walk away fast, save your years ahead from this "dead marriage".

[@annstar2793]

I wasn’t going to watch this because there are so many videos, books, etc… on this topic, but great video- concise and accurate.

[@XYZ-qu4yq]

Great content & beautiful, soft light background with nice patterns! 😊

[@leahkatrinacapistrano857]

This is the perspective that I need. Definitely on point.

[@oathoracle9950]

sunset analogy, very powerful !

[@heermalik4]

Thank you for showing me the mirror! 😅 ❤ Yes, this is me. Now thanks to you, I know better!

[@Cristal__1]

Thank you so much for your videos I just signed up for your channel . Amazing as your video explains in the clearest way my situation and gives me keys to reduce my dopamine and trauma bond… I am French but your US videos are limpid … clearer than the French one thank you so much for helping us being better persons … with ourselves 🥰🙏

[@Kristenoyinbo]

This dating now of days is a nitemare for real 😮

[@fifyestrella6554]

Yes I needed this ❤❤❤

[@katekoger1794]

I really needed this. There's times my boyfriend feels or acts less romantic or excited about us. I get sad and lonely thinking what changed. It's important I calm down, nurture myself and give us both space. Running to him more for comfort seems to close him up. I hate that it feels like a yo-yo connection but maybe that's normal relationship balance 🤷‍♀️

[@susanfortier9000]

Spot on, Matt! ❤

[@jade8806]

I needed this ❤

[@melanalyvka6109]

Hey, I could find some insights here today. I am grateful. Thank you for your knowledge and that you give it to others. Wish your family the best. M.

[@Bisayang-laagan.vlog51]

Thank you for sharing

[@elharrop]

Definitely not 'in search' of these people, they just seem to be everywhere nowadays? Whether they're avoidants, narcs, or grass is greener types. If they're halfway decent looking with a passable personality they tend to fall into one of these camps. They are the types that probably wouldn't have the balls to chat a woman up in person but hide behind their phones, having multiple conversations with different people at the same time. In the never-ending buffet of easy sex on offer from apps it's virtually impossible to meet a loyal person these days because as soon as there is the smallest problem they will run back on there to validate themselves with a new person. The only way this can stop is if people start calling out bad behaviour but they won't because they are too scared of 'losing' the person.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Call it out!

[@Blablablahhhdgdrc]

I called him out. He gaslighted me into thinking he was real with me. I left, he send roses. Took him back, now he left. Fun ride those emotionally unavailable ones, yes this includes me, but im working on on it.😂

[@elharrop]

@@Blablablahhhdgdrc It's a game isn't it with these people, they don't want 'us' as such but they just want to 'win' because it feels good for the ego. Sad.

[@meley-eritreanwellbeingmed4010]

The diamond via air. It got me! We took air for granted. …gosh !what’s wrong with us? Thank you Matthew for sharing your wisdom.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Mat!

[@savannahsetzer5993]

This helps me understand (what I see as) the volatile relationship my mother and step father have.. they are not healthy people unfortunately.

[@manasibapat9383]

This came to me at the PERFECT TIME.

[@TechEvoHQ]

Great content

[@thisisfrankie.1111]

thanks a lot🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@Jenn794u]

Sorry to tell you ladies but this doesn't get better with age. I just dealt with this with a 48-year old man, I'm 44. He claimed from the beginning even when I asked that he was indeed looking for a relationship. He tried to sleep with me on the 1st date, I said no that I need to get to know someone first and within days I got the excuses about how he's just not ready to rush into anything and needs to take a step back. 😂 Go right ahead take as many steps as you need....run Forest run!!!

[@ashleydiaz8739]

Thank you Matthew. I pulled up KZbin hoping you’d have something that could help me right now because I’m fighting back tears every day all day and of course.. you never disappoint. Thank you

[@WCCXtra]

Allow yourself to cry. It's important to feel your emotions and release them when they need to escape. It's an important act of self-compassion.

[@raniyajabbar6609]

I was in a toxic relationship for 5 years. That guy was ready for marriage. But He wanted me to wait for another 3 4 years. Its been so long we had been dating but he was so annoying sometimes. Whenever I tried to be happy or talk about something, he would always say something bad about it or discouraged me. Always stopping me doing something I like. I always said yes to everything he said just because I thought we would get married and I do not want to have anything to fight about. I had cut off my self from every friend just because of him. He would always say something bad about my friends too that would make me feel negative. I have endured a lot. At the end I decided to leave for the sake of myself. After breaking up with him, now I feel so light, I meet with so many people now, make new friends. But the thing is now whenever some new guy reach me for a relationship, even though that new guy is a good person, I have a fear because of which I cant openup or I push them away and that leads me to feel lonely. I dont know How can I feel better again. How can I be myself again How I used to be 5 years ago.

[@cm_designs111]

It drives me insane😂 like please dont waste my time

[@CeciledeLuire]

you look happy and very lively, Matt -very good to see and congrats again regarding your wife choice 😉 key for me is the feeling that i do not want to prove anything any more. i do not want to prove to a man how beautiful or fantastic or whatever i am. no. that has started to feel so tiring, and it contradicts the peace that i have in my life and in myself. so, sometimes i do get involved with a guy that triggers the old fears (trauma) and my heart races and everything. and it's not a nice feeling, but (feeling this today) i think it's like a storm that lasts a few days and then i'll be over it. because i do not want this uncertainty any more. i want someone that says "i want you" and acts correspondingly, consistently. and i do have that in my life, and that's what i hold on to.

[@AnaFB9696]

This is so accurate.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Bullseye!

[@jessoakley3746]

There’s so much info on the broad spectrum of red flags, would love to see more examples and signs of what a healthy relationship looks like. What are the good traits and examples of what to look for in a prospective partner?

[@robertawebber5776]

Make the man or woman prove they are worthy of your love!

[@geoffreybester7953]

Yeah, dating gives that addiction, but, a breakup destroys a person, thus creating these highs and lows as well.

[@mikeneal8651]

why is it always about helping the girl? what about the guys who get dumped and heartbroken?

[@ashleeelizabeth]

I’m in ptsd therapy for this exact thing. I have a pattern.

[@worldadventuretravel]

Sisters of the world, please listen to me on this and repeat after me: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* If you have to jump through hoops for a man to commit to you, you are investing in the wrong man. Stop listening to men tell you everything you're supposed to do to serve them and pour that energy into yourself. When the right one comes along, he will make his feelings for you clear without you having to do a thing. A man that values you will never risk letting you slip away by making you confused.

[@catherine8499]

Yes i am experiencing it right now. I"m in a 3 yrs 5 months relationship right now but he's giving me a hot and cold treatment. Now he's sweet then tomorrow he's cold and distant. 😢

[@c.a.r.l_p2059]

Why does it have to be so deep in my case all the emotionally unavailable just happened to be the cutest physically😭 its not because they are emotionally unavailable that im attracted🙄

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

?

[@robertawebber5776]

Your not an option, they have to have both feet into the relationship.

[@flowmovementtherapy2096]

How do we recognize a person who is emotionally unavailable in a very subtle way where they are too afraid to speak up for themselves? I dated someone who was an amazing listener, held space for my emotions and encouraged me to be myself. But he was unable to tell me tiny little things (like that I spelled his name wrong in my contacts) or big things (when I discovered 4 months in that he went along with everything I wanted the relationship to be without telling me what he ACTUALLY wanted). How do we detect the avoidant people pleasers early on rather than finding out 4 months in that they could no longer maintain the lie they kept for fear of losing me?

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Lie Detectors

[@user-gs3qu1wq2l]

yup been there

[@TheSnoozeFox]

What I can't get over is how she is emotionally avaliable for ME but not for other dudes who don't give a crap about her.

[@user-ny9yc4qh8m]

Is it limerence?

[@user-fe9zd5ph7f]

Too many labels and names . It wasnt complicated when you met them ,so its not complicated when they leave . People have many comforts and options ( especially women )nowadays, they dont need someone in their life permanently, they just wanna fk around and jump to the next one . Like it or not ,thats the truth. We humans are more simple than we claim to be . You didn't had to try to get them ,so dont try to keep them

[@jpurvis1]

The anxiety of "this may not happen again" if I confront the situationship with her terrifies me. I always feel like "this one woman" is the last one I will meet before I die is SO overwhelming.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Last women alive!

[@thewanderwoman3930]

I can relate. It's what keeps me stuck for so long. It's difficult when you place so much value in one person. I have no idea why I do that 🤔

[@ggvilleman1]

​@thewanderwoman3930 And you are so beautiful..Someone should treasure you as well!

[@GUITARTIME2024]

You need to fix that.

[@diananatsch2013]

I know that feeling so well 😅

[@mandyrobertson7139]

Great vid Matthew, well done 👌🏻 had the good upbeat punchy feel of your earlier stuff, which was always a winning teaching combo 👍🏻😁x

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Punchy vid!

[@inquisibutt]

What baffles me is how the people that are these flaky claim to care about you SO much. But then the next moment they think you ask for too much. How do those two go together?! When I care for someone I want the absolute best for them! The world!

[@Debbie-uq2ls]

feeling you! Im guessing its manipulation…. I had smth like that witg the guy I was seeing recently told me he values communication& been so lovely to me but the moment whe had a fight he just close off to talk with me and saying hurtful thinks and made me feel everything is my fault.We stopped talking over a week now.

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

Hot and cold

[@NK-vs3je]

UGH!! it’s not reciprocated and that’s what hurts! I asked for a cuddle after intimacy = too much. I asked for an apology when he hurt and upset me = too much… he’d get defensive and say I was attacking and judging him for ASKING for things… he blamed me. I just wanted reciprocation; I’d always apologise, take accountability, and I was only asking for things that I was already giving…the effort, the planning dates… ugh.

[@ggvilleman1]

​@@NK-vs3jeYou seem so sweet. Hope you find the right person! I can relate!

[@pacmanfl]

@@NK-vs3jeWhat caught my attention in your comment is when you say you apologize for things. In my experience, women NEVER apologize directly. They seem to do things to quell the “emotional response” to the conflict like cooking a favorite meal or giving sex and expecting everything to be ok. They don’t apologize directly for the “act” causing the problem. Men and women seem to be wired differently when it comes to conflict resolution.

[@FeliciaEkanem-pm1uz]

Exactly what is happening to me now...my dopamine baseline is too high and and am looking for a way to suppress it all and all

[@jsa3458]

Never!

[@TaniaBe-dn2hl]

Can you please do a segment on British men? I feel like they appear emotionally unavailable at the outset, but may in fact just be reserved. It's very confusing for us foreign women who assume they're not interested, and it later turns out they were...

[@wonderwomanx1268]

Diamonds and air LMFO... hysterical, but diamonds are everywhere, just costly. Air is essential and that's the beauty.

[@aiden_zae]

im so tired but im not a quitter, thats why i take so much hurt. i love her so much but shes emotionally unavailable. its tiring tbh.

[@costaspaximadas7556]

It's not "quits" recognizing a helpless situation. Find the strength to cut your losses and leave to love another day (and someone more deserving).

[@lan9820]

Why are you still single Matthew? What if the people who are emotionally available or that offer healthy relationship is so difficult to come by? Can you build up a matchmaking company so us who are working on ourselves and can offer healthy relationship can meet one another? Thank you. These are genuine questions by the way. I want a place where I can meet like minded people and finally meet a match.

[@markmartin2292]

Never in the history of the world has begging worked when a relationship is over. Resist that impulse

[@Jannasieck-xb7wt]

I said that thanks maybe she will take the hint

[@mastershade14]

Mate, is your book for men to read as well? I’d love to read it. Thanks

[@vedrakuca]

I am struggling with my life..I lost my husband 1year ago from consequence of bizarre sports accident playing football while kept innocent in prison..I am left alone

[@elizabaththomas9271]

I feel for you

[@carlf.9035]

One thing we know for sure is. Matthew is a fan of bamboo. 🎍

[@priyanbastian1074]

Matthew

[@Annieqt]

Hello Matthew! I’m pretty sure there are people like me who work tuesday and are unable to watch the training live! Will it be available on your website or your LoveLife app?

[@bianca-mhteam6237]

Hey Annie 💜 You can upgrade your ticket at LoveLifeTraining.com to get lifetime access to the recording of the event inside the Love Life App. -Bianca, MH team

[@ggvilleman1]

Annie! You are absolutely stunning.. How on Gods green earth are you single lol

[@rosswardrop465]

I dont chase no woman.Been burnt once.I rather have my car.men my advise is stay single.Its not worth it.

[@janabodnarova8158]

How can you be emotionally available and not care as you giving up and they keep hurting you ?

[@firstnamelastname9485]

Question is how do you get that gorgeous diamond in your life to turn into the air you so badly need?! Idk why but the song Lucy in The Sky with Diamonds is going through my head now lol

[@mikeneal8651]

Are there any resources to show me how to build my own value?

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

I hope so!

[@KennedyPCSD]

Is it a good idea to BLOCK this guy who I am "addicted" to in order for me to move on? What if he changes and if I BLOCK him, I'll never know?

[@blondscientist]

I tried and it helped. But then I caved and unblocked. And like that for 9 years. Please don't believe they will change. If you manage to get over as soon as possible, you will save yourself so much time and pain. Do as you feel is right for you so you don't feel you missed an opportunity but remember you deserve equal treatment, don't give your power and value away (for nothing). Healthy relationships are reciprocated.

[@Jdrummer77]

Very good video Matt, unfortunately this is what modern women respond to. Women get bored and they like all ranges of their emotions stimulated by the man they are Interested in. Meaning negative and positive emotions, this is why bad boys do so well they hit these emotions. We wish it wasn’t this way, but men have no choice but to act like this or end up in the Friend zone.

[@nicoletacherechesu1576]

❤❤

[@CsillaBonacci]

My husband left me for his family. They are more important than

[@GUITARTIME2024]

No he didn't.

[@ig65]

Does this go for same sex relationships? Or just heterosexual relationships?

[@giovanna5593]

His hand gestures make me think of home. I think he has Italian roots😂

[@gingerspeidel-ys6et]

Dating…..what about married to this nightmare.?

[@rosswardrop465]

Stay single.its not woth it.Havr a good car instead.

[@mykimikimiky]

DO WHAT?! b.s. video

[@CJRelationshipConsulting]

?