Avoidant vs. Disorganized Attachment Style

[@assayi6457]

As much as I believe that personal growth is important and that we should always work on being the best version of ourselves, I also believe that we are worthy of love even when we aren’t feeling our best. See, our exes weren’t perfect either, but we still chose them despite all and most of us were willing to stay even when they weren’t their best selves. The truth is they should have chosen us when we were also feeling our worst and they should have stayed if they truly deeply loved us. But they left. People, this life isn’t easy at all. We will face failures and other horrible things that would put us down and we won’t be our best selves in these moments. Does it mean that every time we are down, people are justified to leave us? Maybe it’s time to realize that we are worthy of someone who’s going to choose us EVERY DAY through our best and worst times. Love isn’t just a feeling: it’s a commitment. I read many comments here about exes leaving because of how they FELT, but feelings are unstable. We can’t build something on feelings. There’s also that ‘throwaway culture’ that upsets me. Instead of working things out, people leave to find someone/something ‘better’, but the thing is: everyone has flaws. Relationships are hard work. For those who are reading me, not only should you work on yourself, but please learn to not contribute to that ‘throwaway culture’. Don’t enter a relationship if you’re not committed to making it work. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Don’t tell them you love them if you can’t stay when they don’t feel like loving themselves. Don’t enter a relationship if you intend to cheat on them or abuse them. Don’t breakup with them to make a point or manipulate them. We all know the damages of being broken up with. Don’t ever put someone you love through that pain if you can work on your issues. Unless they cheated on you or abused you, they don’t deserve to be broken up with. Just as most of us didn’t deserve being broken up with. We obviously can’t force someone to stay with us and we should always respect their decision, but we should all learn our lesson about that person: they didn’t love us enough to stay. They broke our trust. I think we are all so obsessed about them reaching out and ‘finally realize our value’ that we tend to forget the big picture: they should have valued us the first time around during the relationship. Even if we weren’t perfect during that relationship, even if we hurt them at times (maybe during arguments for example), they always had the choice to communicate with us, sit with us and fix it. They also had the choice to forgive us, but they didn’t. They chose a life without us. And it hurts: it really hurts, but that’s the truth... It should be OUR decision to take them back if they ever come back for a second chance because after all, THEY gave up on us. They gave up on someone who would never give up on them. Some coaches say ‘let them come back in their terms’, but in my opinion, they don’t get to come back in their terms if they dropped us as easily as that. They should feel lucky if we ever want them back actually. We should all remember what they put us through after breaking up with us... and make them work 10X harder if they want a second chance with us. I still believe there’s someone out there for us who would love us like we love them and who won’t give up on us. This person deserves us more than our exes does. Choose wisely who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[@supermcfly3103]

Well said. I read it all and rarely have I read such a perspective changing comment. "They chose a life without us," that hit hard because it is the truth. They gave up on us what we never would do. They didn't appreciate nor love us enough to regard to stay with us despite our failures. Thank you for this eye opener.

[@kungfukenny1540]

❤️

[@frankiej.3215]

Beautifully Said!!🙌🏻

[@Marnar-ge8vr]

Very beautifully said. A painful truth said with so much compassion, thank you, I needed this

[@MangoDanceFitness]

Thank you so much for commenting . I will have to read this about 50 times over. Xxx

[@nikkideller]

I am disorganised, and what Margaret said fits so perfectly "its not safe to be either close or distant". That is basically us in a nutshell. With my ex, whenever he would get too close to me and talk about the future, it would freak the heck out of me and I would pull away. Even though all I wanted was to be a family; but whenever it was getting close, I would unconsciously sabotage it. Only now can I look back and see my behaviour and see what it was not healthy.

[@michaelbooth90]

Same. Male disorganised. All the regret

[@DrexelGregory]

Craig please do more videos about Disorganized Attachment people. There are a lot on avoidant but not enough on Disorganized. Your wisdom is gold!

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

We cover it quite a bit in the creative healing course! It’s not going to be something we cover often on the channel.

[@unhealingwithsandy]

I have a disorganized attachment style. I spend years in therapy and studying anything and everything I could find to help myself recover from depression and anxiety. Over and over I learned about attachment styles and how it comes from childhood trauma, but I came from a loving home with loving parents. I racked my brain trying to remember anything at all that happened to help this all make sense. For me all the trauma happened after I left home. And that is when I felt unwell. But being at home was the safe place and always felt like that, still does.

[@sierrachism458]

Look into you triggers

[@gordon12121212]

Finally I found an attachment style that matches my ex! She has qualities of both anxious and avoidant. She is very hot and then very cold but I know she loves me and cares for me. She must be so confused 😔 I just want her to be okay and happy, whether or not she decides to come back to me

[@beverleycook3656]

This describes my ex to perfection. Thank you for the great advice Margaret. He literally told me that he felt no connection to me, although he loved me. I understand why now.

[@laurai2599]

Just love you guys. I am disorganized and it’s indeed very uncomfortable... always in conflict with myself

[@dje-foxx9691]

I cannot believe I found your channel. Brilliant information, should be common knowledge. This absolutely changed my view on relationships and life in general!

[@AnnetteKempen]

This video is my favourite, it is so helpful! Most of the information on avoidants out there seems to apply to the dismissive ones. I have been in relationships with disorganized people (fearful avoidants) and it is such a challenge. The avoidant side does not show in the beginning, you see it once you have already attached, it is extremely difficult to navigate.

[@veronicabenites3177]

I love you guys. I cancelled my therapist because I learn a lot more with you two. Thank you so much !!

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

I’d consider a different therapist. The closest thing you’ll find to therapy is my new course

[@KC-ep3ov]

Just imagining someone say "I will love you without demanding anything from you" gave me such a sense of relief after recently ending a relationship with someone with BPD who was constantly smothering me with her extreme needs and expectations. I felt like I was dying inside and felt a gripping pain in my chest whenever we talked. I identify with the disorganized attachment style, though right now it leans more toward the avoidant attachment side than the anxious attachment side

[@__.Sara.__]

(edit: I just realized that even if you don't make videos on disorganized attachment, I can benefit a lot by working on both anxious and avoidant attachment styles ) Thank you for helping me navigate! Can you do more videos on disorganized attachment? I think I actually have a disorganized attachment style and this helped a lot. I had a psychologist tell me I'm on the autism spectrum years ago and things about my life are starting to make more sense now. I was diagnosed with failure to thrive as a baby- I was told later that I wouldn't cry, even when I was hungry. I was bullied severely as a very young child- not by my parents, but by other children. I've also been physically abused by past partners as an adult. Thank you so much for your work. I'm committed to becoming secure.

[@buttertamayo8829]

Finally! A video on disorganized! I’m pretty sure my ex had bpd and a disorganized.....we had what I thought was a good relationship given the circumstances and out of the blue she pushed me away.

[@NicoleLam]

so sorry - i can totally relate

[@SR0490]

Any update?

[@neotenylv09]

The real deal is Coach Craig and Margaret 😁. Ive seen now some people talking about attachment styles on their channels and, they just seem to understand so little about it. And they just started talking about attachments way after this channel. But anyways, another really great video, thanks for everything you do (the books, this channel,etc) and thanks to Margaret too for her Infinite wisdom 🙂

[@GeoBoots]

This is probably the most enlightening video I've ever watched. It also is the most heartbreaking.

[@milaboeva3714]

I used to think I am probably borderline. Asked my therapist to evaluate me and he just laughed and said I don’t fit the criteria at all. Then he said I might have histrionic traits and that was it. Meanwhile just out of curiosity I took the attachment style test 3 times over the span of 2 years and every time it was the same result - fearful avoidant. I thinking it describes me quite well. As younger I used to be more avoidant but that changed with my experience in relationships with the time. As for the dilemma it’s awful feeling not to be able to have what you want the most because of the huge trust issues that can be triggered by the smallest thing. I even putted my partners to tests by being disproportionately mean and aggressive just to see if they will leave me. At first I did it subconsciously thinking that they provoked me or something. This helped me deal with the shame but with the time I realised it’s my pattern probably due the panic of being too close and vulnerable with someone. Having that attachment style is the loneliest way of existence. Just living HELL.

[@CherryBlossom-vr2dc]

Wow...these two are so insightful. Until I discovered their channel, I never heard of attachment styles. The disorganized sounds so familiar to how I feel I almost cried listening to this. My boyfriend of a year broke up with me close to a month ago. I'm almost certain he's an avoidant. My behaviors led to the breakup but it was also toxic in other ways. Thsnks many times over Coach Craig and Margaret for these videos. I feel like I know partly why I act the way I do. I can't afford Skyping but I have these videos to help me through the horrible battle I have fought my whole life in all of my relationships. I listen almost daily since the breakup. I have a long journey ahead but for the first time I understand myself better than ever before thanks to you. And you two make me laugh! Much needed right now when I am feeling so heartbroken and alone.

[@lisahammond9764]

I have to think both you and Margaret so much. Your videos have taught me an incredible amount. I am a teacher at a school and have always been the teacher the kids feel comfortable confiding in. Now with all the stuff I have learned from you guys I am the school social worker and school psychologist’s favorite because I point out issues that kids are dealing with and see some of the behaviors and teenagers. Thank you .

[@estevenfabila4915]

Prob one of the best videos you have and I love all the videos you have

[@carlfreiermuth5424]

Oh Margaret's summary. Reach them where they are... Avoidant is not comfortable with that, they must reach out too, meet halfway per say. Don't force them, remember they must want to change. We want to help yet ultimately we can only show them the way. Much like a fitness trainer does not lift the weights for the client, the client must do the work if they seek to grow.

[@AndyDento21]

I am a disorganised.... I get anxious and avoidant in my relationships... I always feel depressed and anxious I struggle to feel anything good about myself and it’s a beautiful thing when I do feel good... I long for a connection but after 2 half years I turn avoidant and then sabotage it... My last relationship was the most important to me as my partner was the first I had ever moved in with.... The person I really wanted to marry. However after 2 years I panicked because I had got what I wanted and then wanted to avoid her as much as I could....

[@SR0490]

How are you doing with it all now? Have you managed to work through it & reach back out to her?

[@glynnellis5050]

Thank you both for this valuable information. So much to learn and absorb…

[@dontmesswithleah]

Can you and Margaret make a video about how to handle breakups with this attachment style? Is NC the answer? Realistically these kinds of exes will feel like they’re inconveniences and never reach out in my opinion.

[@PinkLunatic]

Disorganized attachment style seems to fit me...had a pretty rough childhood...

[@pxskrs]

I'm sorry for your childhood.. You are not alone, and we will get better ! 🤍

[@Laura-sg6ss]

It's not your fault

[@MiMi-ee1eh]

Great video so appreciated please do the “shame” video 👌👍

[@CanadianAndre]

Disorganized Attachment = Fearful Avoidant

[@carlfreiermuth5424]

My partner went very avoidant and now I'm finding myself compelled to send her poems exposing further my feelings about being with her. I logically know that if my feelings are a mystery then she can wonder and be more attracted but my anxiety is pushing me to keep trying to... well you know... oh man. This is the first time I'm going through it while actually being aware. I would say my attachment style is disorganized but I'm in deeply in my anxious for this particular partner. During this relationship a lady friend of mine became crazily anxious to attach with me... I easily recognized it and tried to be polite and understanding and be there for her as a good friend but it seems she is trying to manipulate or tease me now which just won't work on me for two reasons I can see, 1 I'm invested in my favorite woman and 2 I'm aware of the dynamics. Hmm? Yet being aware I'm still finding it difficult to be... Secure in myself... Oh, right. I can self sooth. Grandma memories... I find grounding in exercise, being mindful of what I'm doing in my life helps. Focus on my reality to stop obsessing over the currently avoidant partner. I must respect myself and not give myself away just to be taken for granted. Easier said than done so it seems. I feel better already. A little bit.

[@adrianaxcx777]

Another great video. When I met my ex I really did think he was anxious because he *really* wanted to be in a relationship with me and would constantly push for us to be together. Then almost 2 years later he breaks up with me right before my birthday (now in no contact 27days) and is giving me the cold silent treatment like I dont even exist...at that point I thought.. he seems so avoidant. But now hearing about the disorganized... I genuinely think that describes him... One day I really gotta schedule a Skype with you guys to talk💕😭

[@blissbased]

My most recent ex did the same thing.

[@adrianaxcx777]

@@blissbased It's awful😥 I know my attachment style is most definitely anxious and after watching so many of Craig and Margaret videos every single day, I definitely see what I did wrong in the relationship. My eyes opened so much. And I just feel so awful that he is treating me like I dont even exist.... it's really painful.

[@blissbased]

@@adrianaxcx777 I know the pain. I got much better after 2 months. You will get better, too, and listen to Margaret, don't beat yourself up! Anxious people do that. That guy needs to work on himself, too. It's never just one person. Mine told me I'm dead to him.... it's a lot of "fun", I know.

[@valentinanocross8677]

@@blissbased yes, keep going forward. I'm 6 months removed. I have forwarded him videos on what he doesn't know about himself and attachment. I'm not totally no contact. I don't know if he reads any emails, but I expressed that with out the work there is no chance for him to have the relationship he wants so desperately. I may be dead to him already, but I don't care any more. I'm not anxious, I saw the codependency, and able to discuss my work. Of the last 3 years on relation ship stuff and attracting men who are willing to take the attachment style quizzes out there. It's so much easier to go forward and find those who are what you are, asa healthy like attracts like. I skilled my self again at feeling statements and non violent communication. Use all your work and skills on going forward. The man I just met seemed secure Nd was willing to take a quiz after 1 date and 62% secure. Good for me. I'm no longer in anxious avoidant trap. I hope my story helps some and what I've done inspires people to keep working until they've gotten their attachment secure.

[@blissbased]

@@valentinanocross8677 thanks for the sane piece of advice. I think my most recent ex is in a ton of denial and won't work on himself. .... at the same time 2 other exes returned (wanting to be with me, I was contacted by 3) and now I'm dating one of them, but the anxious-avoidant ex.... I think he wants to be cold in order to protect himself. It's his self-soothing. I'm starting to accept that. I could only be with him if he improved his behavior (not insulting me, then rationalizing it, and I'm crazy for being hurt)... I don't tolerate that.

[@SpaceCadet4Jesus]

Disorganized attachment style, runs from hot to cold, hot then cold. Dating one for the first time lasted about 5 months before each overnight anxiety response got worse than the last. No amount of gentle discussion or persuasion limited the next episode. At 65yrs, she is a mess, I'm not a therapist, maybe somebody else can work with this one. I had to take my leave. I cannot make her happy.

[@AlinaTowers]

So… what if a person just stays out of romantic relationships because 1) they just don’t meet people that meet their standards and 2) they’re afraid of abandonment. They know how hard they can fall, so they keep things in the “friend zone”. Then someone comes along, intrigued, fights for them and pursues them until they convince them to give themselves to the relationship. In the process of falling in love and saying I do, the two switch roles: the pursuer moves his attention to other things now that he has his trophy, and the now dependent finds herself abandoned emotionally, and explodes into a raging anxious…. And they spend the r next 15 years learning to cope, and they’re highly functional, but she gets so tired of always feeling held at arms length, that she begins to unravel and feels like running screaming into the horizon, but she knows he loves her, and they have 4 kids and…… 🥺

[@prasadghadi1875]

Hey craig n margarat...i.m from india...i have been watching your video around one month....i had a breakup due to misunderstanding between us...she did a breakup i was ruined ...i followed you n your no contact theory..while followibg no contact she messaged me on about i guess 23 to 25 day saying how r you ...we had a 10 min conversation at ni8 n i said her good ni8..n didnt loose my composure at all..still following you n margarat n i m back in no contact n working on myself ...thank u for ur helpful videos

[@NicoleLam]

this is why I thought my ex was the right partner for me but he would need space and talk about how his resources are limited but not fully be avoidant. Disorganized makes so much sense.

[@NicoleLam]

@Pink Salt aw thank you! 😭🌝🤍

[@NicoleLam]

@Pink Salt 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 wow thank you for taking the time to write this !! I fluctuate between feeling like wow we had something good and we can still work on it to EVERYTHING you wrote on this comment because I’m in no place to ever want to even try to fix someone’s trauma. It’s not even possible. And I deserve someone who is ready for my love!!! Saving this and rereading everytime I away from my conviction of moving on.

[@lismolina2801]

He broke up with me 4 weeks ago. But he still lives at home. He is 37 I’m 46. We’ve been together 2 years, but as of Covid, had been bickering and not getting along. No contact while they live in the home is hard! I want to save us. I believe in us but he has totally checked out (it seems) but kisses me goodbye in the morning, he says he cares a lot for me, shares everything with me, but goes cold/hot everyday. He says he needs to work on himself. I don’t think we need to separate to fix our issues. Is there anything worth saving?

[@anhangamirim453]

Me Disorg, he, avoidant - I'm taking advantage to enjoy more my avoidant side wile he be free to relax and be a little anxious here and there. And that's how we found harmony.

[@mmar4084]

I was in a relationship for 4 months, before that we dated for 2, and before that we were friends. We were very happy, and we were making plans. He was the most loving man I have met. Suddenly (for me) he said he felt his feelings for me were too strong and he felt too vulnerable, and that while he was happy with me, when he was alone he fell into despair (I live with my children, so we don't see each other all the time). He said it was an emotional rollercoaster and he couldn´t take it, since he ultimately lived alone, so he wanted time to decide on his own how to live his solitude. He refused to see me and was terribly cold. I told him as kindly as I could, that I loved him, but if he wanted to make his decision alone, we couldn't keep talking and we were now broken up. I said I was willing to talk if he felt we could work things out. It's been 3 weeks of silence an I'm feeling awful, although I have a secure attachment style. I want to be sure that no contact is the way.

[@mmt2310]

Update?

[@julianblake8385]

Holly Molly! That is so me! I have a disorganized attachment.

[@BimmerWon]

I don’t know if my attachment style is avoidant or disorganized. I badly want a relationship but I never even try because of a very high level of anxiety. I don’t know what the source of it is either. It could be completely unrelated to my attachment style. I never even had a conversation with a woman my age since primary school and now I’m already in my mid 20’s. The thought of being locked in a relationship fills me with dread because there is no easy way to escape but the thought of not being in one makes me feel so lonely it hurts. There was this one woman I talked to online for a year over discord but she ghosted me about a year ago and I still send her drunk texts sometimes saying how much I miss her. I don’t know if she has even seen anything I’ve sent for the past year.

[@BimmerWon]

@@biancadelarosa7986 sounds like a scam.

[@BimmerWon]

@@alexislaura9487 to be fair I don’t even really understand what you just said. I don’t even have whatzapp.

[@maribethcharles]

AWESOME video!!! Can you PLEASE do a Part 2 with how to date/relationship with someone with these 2 styles????? You're awesome!!! ❤️❤️💯💯

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

We have some great exclusive content about that in the new Creative Healing Course!

[@maribethcharles]

@@CoachCraigKenneth How do I get the course?

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

My website! It’s amazing. There’s over 140 activities! It’s absolutely awesome! It’s by far my most ambitious project ❤️

[@terribythesea1506]

Wow...great job Coaches...this one really spoke to me and my Avoidant/Disorganized partner...thank you! so much!!

[@fairdose]

But how do you heal from having a Disorganized attachment style to a Stable attachment style? I know I have it, I’m in therapy doing EMDR sessions to overcome trauma but it’s such a long slog.

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

My new course is about healing attachment issues

[@lyricalprophet100]

How’s the EMDR working for you? I know a few people who have had several sessions and have found it to not be effective.

[@tonidenicola9222]

Love that Margaret!

[@kimlee6538]

Coach Craig and Margaret MVP's♡♡♡♡♡

[@laurenetaliaferro]

What sorts of things is it reasonable to ask an avoidant for though? Monogamy? Financial independence?

[@willow_pillow]

Disorganized lady with cptsd. No other diagnozes. Been to different kind of therapy, cognitive and trauma. I have problems with relationship, and it makes me so sad. Because no matter how hard I try I push them away at the end..

[@a.fee-oh1328]

The Red Sox comment was hilarious. Didn't see that grenade being tossed.

[@empyric949]

Thanks for doing what you do coach 😊

[@kabamfatu6654]

Disorganized Attachment Style=Mylife and my struggle.

[@bluenimbus86]

Can you make a video on how to get a disorganized ex back? Mine is dating someone new after 9 months of not being together; I'm only slightly worried, but this guy doesn't compare to me. No way.

[@SR0490]

Great question dude

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

Check out my new Creative Healing Course on my site. You guys are going to be blown away!

[@theaveragejoe6854]

Can you talk about how avoidants who get into safe relationships with people who they don't feel super close intimacy with. As in they see them as good friends but they aren't in love with them. My ex talked about dating her previous bf for 1 whole year but she said she wasn't actually in love with him?? Also my ex told me she loves her dad. She said I reminded her of him in the good ways. But when she was little her parents separated and her dad only wanted to see her brothers as she was closer to her mother. I think fear of abandomnet comes from him even though he came back and she does love him.

[@SR0490]

Update ?

[@koala01111986]

It sucks being an FA, living with this constant anxiety inside, most of the time at a low level, but other times it's super high, even though you look perfectly cool from outside...all the chaos you have and don't know why you feel that why, why you feel broken and so disconnected from everyone, so different from everyone else

[@kerryla1974]

I’m with one of this dis person and she dumped me.... we have a 2 year old together and we can’t do no contact or really completely cut off due to our child..... I’ve learned a lot on how to to deal with most of this but I’m not sure how this will end up... Going to keep trying to get a balance and see if I can help us out and develop as a couple..... not sure if I’m going to be able deal with it in the long run.

[@seand6886]

Hey Craig, can you discuss your thoughts about monkey branching vs rebound relationships? What are chances of it working out in monkey branch?

[@claudiagiacometti8237]

I thought I had an anxiety style but it seems I may be the disorganized one. I think my pushing away however is subconscious. Its not what I want and I would never have said I actually do it, but I've been told by many that I do. Its very scary being in a relationship for me but I desperately want them. My mum fits the loving me but hurt me terribly later in my teens and it's never repaired for me

[@sharona1ification]

The first time was no contact for 4 moths We had multiple break ups he always came back but this time it’s been 3 moths no contact and I called him yesterday it was a very positive call. But now I don’t hear from him what does this mean?

[@Daniela-vc1ik]

I can’t afford the course. Is there a package available that can be cheaper? I really want to heal my disorganized attachment style but I don’t know how

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

The workbooks will help as well! The course is just a lot more intense and in depth

[@savannahnalls2099]

I had a disorganized attachment because of my alcoholic father. I have an earned secured attachment now.

[@sean-m4g5k]

Hi, coach! Could you do a video on "Nice Guys vs Bad Boys"? Ive been hearing lately that girls always or usually go for bad boys? And find the nice guy boring and uninteresting. But when shit hits the ceiling fan, they complain that the world has no nice guys.

[@tc8719]

It’s not really about them being attracted to a “bad boy” or “nice guy”, and more a result of their attachment style developed from their childhood wounding. They are unconsciously seeking partners that activates (excites) their attachment. “Nice guys” won’t be attractive to their broken brain. Because it is unfamiliar and won’t excite them. Now, if they were mentally healthy and self aware they’d seek out securely attached (normal) partners.

[@AngelinaKaul]

As a disorganized avoidant, I can say we live in our own private hell.

[@goldy140]

Will FA come back to ex if they breakup & start a rebound for a total misunderstanding when they reached out after the 2nd breakup bcos they felt rejected , abandoned , angry, devastated ? Our love is a longterm 1 with joy & pain, on off love , push pull from him. will he move on with this rebound?

[@therealrickposey2794]

So after seeing this video,Do I continue no contact on my disorganized ex girlfriend?

[@rachelhughes8174]

Omg I've always thought Margret had a Boston vibe about her - fellow Bostonian over here

[@shashichaudhary9308]

Do fearful avoidants come back after no contact? Or we need to contact them with a neutral message after thirty days?

[@SpaceCadet4Jesus]

More like HOTEL CALIFORNIA by the Eagles (excerpt) Welcome to the Hotel California Such a lovely place (such a lovely place) Such a lovely face They livin' it up at the Hotel California What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise) Bring your alibis Mirrors on the ceiling The pink champagne on ice And she said, "We are all just prisoners here of our own device" And in the master's chambers They gathered for the feast They stab it with their steely knives But they just can't kill the beast Last thing I remember I was running for the door I had to find the passage back To the place I was before "Relax", said the night man "We are programmed to receive You can check out any time you like But you can never leave"

[@Ivyctoria]

This one talks about death. Not hell ^^

[@crisbarrett2279]

How do you cope with a desorganized partner? I'm guessing you reassure him when he's anxious and give him lots of space when he needs it? Kind of like a mother that makes the toddler feel secure of her pressence while he roams free in the park, but is always there watching over him?

[@mariamas1639]

I’d consider myself disorganised, I’d say unless they work on themselves, they’d be really hard to deal with. I’m currently working on myself, because nobody should have to cope with my hot and cold.

[@Ajan4700]

hi Mr. Kenneth, does the No Contact period starts on the day of breakup or on the day of the last direct contact(after breakup)?

[@LudensFramed]

Last direct approach, I'm about one month on "no contact" ...

[@adrianaxcx777]

No contact begins the moment the person who was dumped stops reaching out. If the dumper reaches out and you reply, that is still contact. So if someone broke up with you and it has been radio silence since then and you have not tried calling/texting then that us No Contact. I hope that makes sense lol Basically if you keep reaching out in any way...that's the contact. No contact is YOU stop reaching out to the person that dumped you. I'm in no contact now for 27 days and it sucks so bad. Before this I did keep trying to call but he blocked all my calls.... siiiighhhh. No contact is hard.

[@LudensFramed]

@@adrianaxcx777 good explanation!! I keep searching about the birthday day reach outs and I don't get the respond about if she wish me happy birthday and her birthday is like 2 weeks after, that should I say happy birthday too...?

[@adrianaxcx777]

@@LudensFramed Did she text you after your birthday? If not then you must definitely not break contact and reach out. My ex is having a birthday coming up soon as well.... and even though every ounce of me wants to contact him, I know I shouldn't. No contact is such a daily struggle for me but I'm definitely determined not to break it. I really have been sticking to it and watching Craig/Margaret helps soooo much. Remember: In order to get their attention, we must remove ours. I remember Craig saying that in multiple videos. And he is right....every breakup is different. But if your ex did not reach out to you AFTER your birthday then I really would not contact her on hers.

[@LudensFramed]

@@adrianaxcx777 sorry for bad explanation, my birthday is 27th October and her 18th November, but one of my close friends said she asked about wishing me happy birthday, I'm already trying to know what to do if it happends...

[@karenritchie3492]

My recent ex told me once a wpmen falls in love he leaves...who does that?

[@BillRWare]

Red Sox fan? Yankees fan??? Hell...try being an Angels fan!!! They're making me a fearful avoidant because of the fan abuse they level upon me! Will your workbooks help with this 😁

[@susanc.2207]

I'm adopted so I guess I'm disorganized. I don't feel disorganized. And I think my sister's kid is a borderline. The sister was also adopted. Our Mom was a Narcisisst.

[@lorip4087]

I never did any of these things and my avoidant ex still accused me of being too intense and kicked me to the curb! I even protested, "but I never demanded anything from you!" Now my ex is back on dating sites looking for a relationship. Ours was good. Never fought. I dont get it. Avoidants are really a mind f*k. Frankly I think my replacement was in the bullpen. Almost 5 months since BU now, no gestures of reconciliation. I am starting to date new people again. Not my first choice, but my only choice, I guess.

[@chiyan11]

I think telling an avoidant to find God will help thin live by certain rules and live for something

[@midnightexpress726]

This can surely cause someone to have Borderline Personality Disorder

[@karenritchie3492]

My mom said never pick up your kid ehen they cry..it spoils them...i know how ivwas treated as a infant...she also left me with different family members when i was young..i was a a trouble teenager..in and out of juvenile..attemped suic.. at 16...i picked up my child when he cried...hevis married and happy...he didcsay i messed up his brain..to me i think he could be narcissist..

[@jacquesautorita3204]

Well I'm kinda disorganised then !

[@zuhaabid2514]

💓

[@sarahlickey9012]

My ex exactly 🥺

[@Kal.El1]

FIRST!!!!

[@ck6639]

You’re now my workout buddy. If only the meatheads in the gym knew I was getting educated on dating their soon to be exes. Jk

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

💪

[@ck6639]

Coach Craig Kenneth actually, you’re teaching me a lot about my own issues, the issues of my exes, the reasons for our breakups, and what I need to do in the future. We appreciate the free advice. Keep it up.

[@aspire_victory832]

Goddammit

[@audrey6528]

I would hate to date an avoidant.

[@mariotibbrine1]

Untill you find a fake lover of course.

[@mathews0618]

Disorganized are abusive.

[@randyspence412]

mike mathews Not always. I’m not. Though many are disorganized due to abuse.

[@lindahollingsworth2567]

I think they are passive aggressive and this is emotional abuse. Very difficult attachment.

[@mathews0618]

Linda Hollingsworth yep. They are impossible

[@chickletmonstah]

I’m not

[@thetransparentjerseygirl]

❤