Baby Reindeer Was A Hard Watch - Stalking & The Law | Extra Roly

[@samanthafairweather9186]

I was stalked by an ex. The police wouldn't believe me. I was threatened to be arrested for wasting police resources for continually ringing for help. 2 years, and a tv camera crew later, I was finally able to get the police to take it seriously. It turned out that I was one of many victims of his, but the only one to succeed in having him arrested, due to his extremely wealthy family's influence on the police and legal system. Yep, his Mummy paid a LIT of money to protect her "little boy". ( He was 24). My case was the first in Australia where a stalker was actually convicted! He had put me through 2 years of absolute hell, which has affected me since. I'm constantly checking my surroundings, and still sleep with an iron bar under my bed. He physically assaulted me on numerous occasions ( once at his family's home). I lost my job, many friends, my home - everything. He got 6 months in prison. This happened in 1989. There was no social media, so I had no way of ever knowing when, or where, he'd show up. So I know EXACTLY what you went through Roly, and I'm sorry you weren't believed. The police need to take stalking a lot more seriously - whether you're a man or a woman.

[@JustTanya.]

Six months! That's it? WTF? I'm so sorry you went through that. Geez, freaking ridiculous sentence. I hope he left you alone after that.

[@dorinapenapoet]

That's so awful!! I'm so sorry u went through it

[@carolync5900]

So glad you are ok..in The states as well sometimes take something something before the police take you seriously

[@cruisematt8585]

That thing that police say, “there’s nothing we can do until he/she actually does something to you”; it’s oh my gosh ok so you want to wait until someone is dead or has been kidnapped or molested before you’re going to help?!?!

[@John_Weiss]

Ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.

[@heidihansen5793]

and the thing is that they are lying to you when they say that. At least in the US, they are lying and in the UK too.

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

Yup, basically what women deal with all the time. And even then, police are most likely to cover up murders of women then to help solve a case with a murdered woman.

[@carolync5900]

This!!!

[@KateKatastrophe]

There was a woman in the UK who reported her ex partner as a stalker and they said she would be fined and reprimanded for wasting police time. Her room mate came home to find her mu*dered by her ex. Stalking is not taken seriously until some one is injured or dead.

[@CWazBroadwayBandGeek]

I watched it, and when the cop said, “Well why didn’t you report it?” that line made me so angry. People like that are EXACTLY why male victims don’t come forward most of the time. Even if he did come forward right away, the cops probably wouldn’t have believed him, and probably blamed him for what happened. So messed up.

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

Do you think women feel comfortable to get help reporting to the police?! You got to be kidding me. The arrogant misogyny in the comments about only “male victims” having difficult is insane. It’s like nothing gets attention until a white man writes about it happening to him 🙄🤨. Crazy. This shit happens to women all the time. We are not believed (definitely not by police). And often called Karens by misogynists co-opting that term if a man hits us and we complain “you’re a Karen”. Is often used to shut up victims.

[@Rikrobat]

I think a show like this also brings up important discussions about being "the perfect victim." People are flawed, and sometimes we do things that aren't kind or the right choice, but it shouldn't justify the harassment and harm experienced either. Hope you're doing okay, Roly. 💜

[@meggerz5687]

Our brains don’t react the way we’d expect when we are going through a traumatic event.

[@buracarolina5462]

People that say that are under the impression that they don't have any blind spot or that some people don't need to be led on, they are just derranged

[@-xxMelissaxx-]

It sounds like you have PTSD (I have PTSD myself). Glad you're talking about this. Baby Reindeer was incredibly well done but it was triggering for me too. Had a high school ex that made my life hell. Had to drop out of hs and hide, finished alt hs and went to college and got my license to practice medicine as a RT at 18... he showed up in the ER where I worked. I had to treat him as a patient. it was awful. Had the opportunity to hurt him back but didn't... had to save his life. I panicked but did my job. Ugh. He didn't stop even when he was in prison... Thankfully I found out later that he was dead. It was a relief and I celebrated but I still have night terrors about him. Everything he did changed me as a person. The law needs to catch up for sure. Have to hold these people accountable for their actions. I hate that Richard's stalker is "famous" now and getting interviews. I hate it. Thanks for sharing ❤ Hope you're doing well

[@ravenrose7094]

I had a stalker in high school, and the number of people who didn't believe me or take it seriously was ridiculous. I'd tell "friends" all of the things this boy was doing, after I was nice to him ONCE, and they would tell me it was sweet and I should give him a chance. This was in the 00s, and it's so frustrating to see that stalking still isn't taken seriously. There's a lot of people who just don't understand the impact stalking has, or that it can really stay with you even after the stalker's out of your life. It's okay to keep talking about it. I like watching these videos because it helps to validate for me that my own experience was wrong and it wasn't my fault. I hope you're doing okay

[@MichelleHarris-zf6wn]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and glad you were strong enough to know this was not ok. I feel like stalking behaviour is romanticized in media especially in the 00s and in some cases still is. Your friends terrible advice of 'giving him a chance' would undoubtedly lead to a relationship with a narcissistic abuser. I can't imagine how hard that was as a teenager to go though. ❤

[@Imawatcheronhere]

I think we can in big part thank the media for that. Stalking, especially if it's from a man towards a woman, it's represented as "romantic" and ideal; "aren't you grateful for his attention? Isn't all a woman should want to have someone to put all this effort in just to watch her?". And obviously, stalking from a woman towards a man is also represented in the media as not an issue, but like it's "funny", and "what can she *really* do to you though?" Literally appalling the state of society

[@SmoliverTwist]

Been through a bad situation that made others ask me “why didn’t you report it?” It really was demoralising hearing others say that and was made even harder as I was already riddled with guilt for not doing so. Like you said, unless you’ve been through you do not understand. Talking through it in therapy helped me a lot and made me realise I shouldn’t feel guilty. I hope you’re doing well now Roly and have a good support network around.

[@ScarletSagex]

My coworker stalked me until I moved. Would leave things on my doorstep, it’s so terrible. The scariest thing in the world when you don’t feel safe even at your home. He was higher ranking than me so I never said anything because I was scared. No one deserves to go through this.

[@bevknight9825]

I had a friend who made me feel uncomfortable. She phone me 4 or 5 times a day, and she had to know what I had for breakfast , lunch ,and dinner. We're I was going for the day, who I went with. What I brought and how much I spent. I have a disability and when I was in pain she would tell me I didn't know what pain was. Then she started to tell my husband what to do. In the end, I told her to go away. I blocked her on everything. Luckily, she left me alone .

[@Tokyo_Rose.]

Wow that is uncomfortable. A strange one for definite! I'm glad you managed to get rid of her.

[@ash_2121]

I'm so happy you understand him. I see people pretty much blame him for not doing much and it irritates me. Yes maybe he could've done more but that's a hard thing to go through and he did not deserve how she treated him

[@gwynkaitis1259]

I served on a death review team to determine what might have been done differently to avoid a similar situation in the future. Stalkers are so dangerous. It is so difficult for victims to get any help...until something happens. Police don't take it seriously. Victims are blamed all the time. Its so deadly.

[@liss-sanedrac]

Let’s be honest, police don’t do shit 99.9% of the time until a victim is dead to take you seriously. It reminded me when I was assaulted by my moms ex boyfriend and police didn’t do shit even with my mom and two brothers as witnesses and my face being beat to hell. I’m glad that at least you were helped and it didn’t lead to you being harmed or worse bc the world would be a very sad place without you in it.

[@3rdgensarah680]

Roly, it sounds very much like you could have PTSD from that situation, which would be no surprise at all considering the physical, mental and emotional stress it would have put you through. I'm obviously not a mental health professional but have been through extremely traumatic situations a few times in my life and it's something that can happen when you go through something that puts you in a situation where you are basically in fight or flight mode for long periods of time, and it's important to recognise triggers that will make you relive some of that trauma when it happens. Speaking about it like you have done in this video is a really good thing, and I hope that you will be ok. X

[@astraeetje5048]

Pssst. Your feelings are valid 🫂

[@TokeTiger]

It’s sad that even in today’s age that stalking isn’t taken seriously sometimes. Stalking is extremely dangerous and life ruining

[@LozzaJ]

The awfulness is that the whole “why didn’t you report this sooner” makes no sense because you wouldn’t have had nearly as much evidence or a case to prove how serious it was. If they didn’t take you seriously after everything you provided them when it had been going on for a while then what would have happened if you had therefore “reported it sooner”

[@craft-menace]

I had an incident happen. It made me question everything. If a small item was misplaced in the house I would panic that the person had broken in. It really gets into your system and it never really goes away. I'm so sorry that anyone else had to go through that. My heart goes out to you.

[@caitlinlhotellier1231]

I'm a social worker and I often advocate for people to services who are not being taken seriously. It's infuriating but as soon as I come in as an "advocate" or "social worker", the situation gets taken more seriously. Just from having a title. It's not okay!

[@Insertia_Nameia]

I have mental health issues and rarely get taken seriously. I'm wanting to get a caseworker again to help advocate for me because simply having someone with a title suddenly makes people stop and listen and to stop trying to take advantage of me (it really sucks when you know that's what they're trying to do but no one will help you and you aren't allowed to help yourself.)

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

But it’s not for autistic people. I was being discriminated against at work and a social worker told me to file grievance. I did and I was fired. The EEOC does nothing. So I had to hire my own lawyers and even now, nothing may change and I may not even get severance for wrongful termination. No offense, but society hates autistic people and treats us like less than. We have no protection from being fired for no reason. The states sucks for disabilities. The company is a hospital btw. Hospitals are the most discriminatory workplaces.

[@alexandriaflarsen]

I listen to a podcast called Strictly Stalking and police actually taking stalking seriously is the exception not the rule. It’s ridiculous it seemingly takes someone being physically assaulted before the police will do anything. I’m really happy you’re in a much better place. I couldn’t imagine the mental anguish and stress you went through.

[@Dippedinsilver1974]

I can empathize with your experience. My ex stalked me for a year after I broke up with him, and it was terrifying. The police did nothing. He had been very abusive while we were together and tried to kill me more than once. He went to jail for the abuse, and still the cops didn’t do a thing to help me. I lived in constant terror. I lost my job because he would show up and act crazy. Luckily he got arrested on drug charges and went to prison for quite some time. I was able to move and successfully hide from him. The experience was extremely traumatizing and I now suffer from PTSD. I did watch the show and although it was triggering for me, I’m glad I watched it.

[@themcrcharlotte6587]

Very very brave of you to talk about and really says a lot when you say just because you're a man you weren't taken seriously. Defiantly something as a society we need to talk about.

[@seroquel.sweetheart]

Oh, I did wonder if you watched it and how you felt about it! Thank you for bringing more attention and more personal experiences to the topic. As always, your vulnerability is appreciated 🩷 Take care of yourself, Roly!!♡

[@KiboSanti]

A horrible man did awful things to me when I was very young. He was immediately removed from my life, but tried to contact me as an older kid, as a teenager, and again as a young adult. Recently I've been finding evidence he may have even been stalking me, just more subtly, in the "quiet periods" too. I've been in therapy for my whole life because of this creep. I'm well aware it's not an option for everyone, but being able to quietly up and move to another state has been my saving grace. It's been 4 years since I had to watch my back, and I can finally breathe. So much love and internet hugs. 💕 No one deserves this crap.

[@starparodier91]

To answer your question about being stalked- I had a very minor situation when I was living in Japan, but my friend/coworker had a serious one like Baby Reindeer while we were both living in Japan. Thankfully the guy was arrested before anything too horrible could happen (final straw was him banging outside her apartment) but it was awful and it and it still bothers her to this day. I think the reasons why ours got taken care of quickly (within two months) had to due with the fact that we were two foreign women living in Japan being stalked by men and working at a very well-known company. The police didn’t want to deal with a blue hedgehog.

[@monikacorgi]

It's just insane that there are some unstable people out there who see someone on their screen and pick them like an item in a store. Their fantasy becomes a reality. It was gut-wrenching to see all the bullshit happening to you ☹ I am glad you stood your ground in spite of some of 'the authorities' incompetency. As for having similar experience - I know what it's like when someone's unwanted presence makes you look back over a shoulder every day. The law needs to be amended and cybercrimes need to be defined more precisely. All forms of harassment leave a permanent scar for many years to come, regardless if happened face to face or online.

[@BexTheDestroyer]

The not knowing what she looks or sounds like adds another level of terror. Makes complete sense that you are still working through this. So sorry this happened to you Roly. Sending you kind hugs 💜

[@mdgan_06]

I definitely agree that stalking is such a niche but destroying experience that needs to be looked into beyond surface level so much more, the way it impacts people and is then brushed under the rug, glamorised and cast aside in law is just cruel. I appreciate the strength you have in opening up about it 💜.

[@SheilABeer-x8q]

Talking is the best medicine ❤

[@elizabethpink]

Only once did I have a stalker. He had been a neighbour of mine. Much older than myself. He would wait across the street from my apartment building and wait for me to leave, then follow me around everywhere. He'd hang about my workplace, hop buses just to always be on the same bus as myself, etc. Now, because of things that have happened to me throughout my life, I have an extremely violent temper when I feel at all threatened. So one day I finally just snapped. I was about to leave to get groceries, and saw him across the street right before he hid behind the tree (which he always did, as if I wouldn't bloody notice). I pretended to have forgotten something and went back in the building. When I came back out he hid again. He didn't notice I had a baseball bat in my hand. I walked across the street and slammed the bat into the tree at the level of his head (I still feel awful for hitting the poor tree!). He jumped backwards and stared at me, terrified. I told him plainly if I ever saw him around again there would not be a tree around to protect him. At the time this happened, there were no laws whatsoever against stalking, which was why I took it into my own hands. He never tried to report me, and I never saw him again after that.

[@Abicadabi139]

I had a similar sort of experience with an ex- roommate that was secretly obsessed with me and decided to put a camera in my bedroom. Cops had to be called, he got arrested the whole nine yards. Because it was a felony, the state pressed charges on him and I was continually updated on that court case for a year or so afterward. The constant reminder of what happened was torture. It really does feel like you're living your life around them sometimes. Trauma comes and goes hun, your feelings are always valid and no one handles things the same way. You're doing great! Keep it up!😊

[@enchantegance]

I definitely live under a rock, because I unintentionally avoid any trendy shows and have no idea what Baby Reindeer is about, but Roly is speaking so I listen. 👁👄👁 Edit: Oh shit, stalking. I hope you’re okay. 😔

[@KingOfGaymes]

I was also confused because I’ve never heard of baby reindeer before so I thought he was talking about an actual baby reindeer 😭

[@shessomethingelse1639]

In this case I highly recommend you to watch Baby Reindeer. Genuinely an interesting, horrifying mini-series. I loved the show (despite feeling bad saying it), but I wish the aftermath of the show was more mature. People went nuts over it. Anyway, highly recommend it. I watched it in a day.

[@Itri_Vega]

Same. I don't use streaming services and haven't watched TV since 2011.

[@mouselander]

What Piers Morgan did is unforgivable, I think he’s the one who should be sued! If he hadn’t interviwed her ppl would ave forgotten about it in 10 minutes 😡

[@MichelleHarris-zf6wn]

100%. I didn't think that man could get any lower.

[@kimmac0306]

@@MichelleHarris-zf6wnthis is just typical piers Morgan 😡 hes not a nice man

[@karinkier2503]

I'm a 56 year old woman and I'm obese. NO ONE and I mean no one believed me when I was being stalked. I was actually told why would anyone stalk you. Finally I wound up with witnesses and so my boss and the police finally put a stop to it, plus it helped that shortly after he was arrested I moved. I'm sorry this happened to you.

[@robinhazen8034]

I remember when that was happening to you, Roly. 🥺 I haven't seen Baby Reindeer & I hesitate to watch. I've had two different stalkers before (one a man, and one a woman) who thought they owned me even though one was a total stranger who happened to work in the same building, and the other was a friend of a friend who I had no relationship with other than that. Thank you for talking about this!!

[@MichelleHarris-zf6wn]

It's a brilliantly made show but could potentially be triggering, I had my partner watch it first and with me to forewarn me about anything so I could decide to skip or continue the scene. That may not work for everyone (not everyone knows what will or won't trigger someone) but thought I'd suggest it.

[@robinhazen8034]

@@MichelleHarris-zf6wn Thank you for this suggestion!

[@Bellemorganne]

I work in retail and have been in dangerous situations so many times. I’ve had multiple men try to grab me, I’ve had people stalk me and call the store asking for me (one of which says he see’s me everyday and when I found out who it was I had NEVER seen this person, yet they know my name and my shifts) I’ve had people try to put drugs into my hands in the store. And yet when it was reported it has always been dismissed - one official even said to me “he was nice to everyone else” as a reasoning for not following up. Recently there was a large fatal attack in my place of work, people lost their lives and suddenly everything is being taken seriously - like they waited for something violent to happen to act. Now, I hear people talking about certain situations or reports that have been made refer to it as “pre or post” the fatal attack, as if it’s excusable that it wasn’t taken seriously before. In a way I am glad to have things finally being taken seriously now, however it’s so upsetting and so painful to know that because your encounters weren’t fatal, that they don’t matter. There was never any prevention for the fatal attack that happened in my workplace, and I can’t help but think that if things had been taken seriously earlier, that it never would have happened.

[@OfficialUndeadabbz]

I’m glad you’re able to talk about this. I think talking can help us heal, I’m so happy everything was taken care of all those months ago. The police need to take these things seriously, just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you’re asking for it.

[@n0thersist3r]

I'm currently experiencing something somewhat similar, except it's my abusive dad harrassing me. He violated a non-molestation order and was wanted by police and they didn't even arrest him... it has been almost 4 whole years since his arrest for assault and he still texts and messages me on multiple platforms about his delusions/paranoia and accusing me of things etc, it's wild. I just want to be left alone and not worried that this nutter is going to bother me and my family.

[@gloriazaragoza3349]

Sorry to hear that. I hope something legally can be done and enforced.

[@n0thersist3r]

@gloriazaragoza3349 thanks, I have made a report so hopefully 🤞🏽

[@transgreaser]

omg. When I watched it I was suffocating at the thought. And the series made it so symbiotic. That must have been hard to watch. Big hugs to you. Consensual of course. Xx

[@oliviamaelovick]

So sad & frustrating that police never take action until someone is seriously hurt or killed 😢 I’ve heard of many cases where people are killed by their stalkers & nothing still has changed with the police. Thankyou for sharing your stalking story ❤

[@Bildgesmythe]

It would be extra frightening to not know what your stalker looked like. It could be anyone! Horror movie stuff.

[@sonia.jarrett]

Hiya Roly, when I was 19, I was in a very similar situation. I was out with some work friends on a weekend off, a chap came up to me, wanted to buy me a drink, I did find him a bit creepy & refused. My night carried on, no matter where we went, 10 minutes later he walked in the same place. I went home early as I was really getting freaked out by him. I was home at 9.30pm, 9.45pm he was banging on my front door, he'd actually followed me home & now he knew where I lived. At that time my local police station was only 7 doors away from me, I reported him immediately, to find that he'd done nothing wrong & well maybe if I hadn't have gone out it wouldn't have happened. The attitude was, he hadn't actually laid a hand on me so he'd done nothing wrong. This went on for 3 months, I was frightened to leave the house, didn't go to work, it messed me up. The only thing that finally stopped him, my stepdad actually followed him & let's say he went & had a word with him. Even now I still carry alot of anger towards the police, as they made me feel it was my fault because I had a night out with friends from work & were more concerned about what I was wearing, how much had I drank, what conversation did I have with him, how long had I been seeing him. I can't believe this still goes on, I was 19 then, I'm nearly 56 now, but you do take it through life with you 😢

[@Claudithuz]

I want to thank you for sharing your story and expressing such important facets of experience. It's should never be the person being subjected that has to defend their actions in the events. We should have left those views in the dark ages along with, "what were you wearing" and "how much did you drink"? I'm very sorry that this is still happening. The other thing I found very valuable was that you show in a very good way that it's not as simple as just being over something. You may have gone through something, dealt with the aftermath, and come out on the other side, different, but still fine. This doesn't mean there's no trace left of what happened. It's perfectly fine to have feelings come back up from triggers, even when you're usually not bothered. People seem to forget this and tend to take it as a sign of weakness, as if the person isn't over it yet. Surviving any life altering event is never a sign of weakness. I hope everyone reading this knows it's a sign of strength to keep going.

[@beckdare8730]

I wasn’t able to watch this show, it was way too triggering for me. I went out with a guy on two dates and then he started to stalk me, I was working in a hospital nursing when this happened almost 20 years ago! He would come to my work, call 100s of times a day, if I was working afternoon shift or night duty he would be waiting for me at my car when I finished. It got to the point that I had to have security escort me to my car whenever I needed it, he followed me home and found out where I was living. It was hideous and scary. I’m in Australia and I went to the police and they said they couldn’t do anything because he hadn’t done anything to me it was absolutely disgusting, one good thing is that now the laws are starting to change around this sort of thing. Love you and your openness about this it’s needed!

[@ShinG93]

I definitely resonate with authorities seeming to be waiting for things to happen before they take action. I have seen it here in my end in the US. I also agree with many authorities seeming to be jaded when you are expressing an issue. These situations can definitely take much of your time and consume you. I am glad you are recouping and healing your mental. It is much needed. Sending good vibes ❤️🙏🏾

[@ShyAnn291]

I just read that the real stalker is thinking about legal action against Netflix.

[@AntoinettexKitten]

She actually said she was better looking than the actress portraying her 😂

[@ShyAnn291]

@@AntoinettexKitten really? That’s weird lol

[@trzewiaczki]

Also had a stalker. Bingewatched it in 1 day. It was never so scary as in the series in my case as my stalker was a big coward, and I have finally said a clear no and called the police, but it took me a long time to get to this point. This series hit hard, so much awful awful memories came back in! It was a great image of how stalking and the emotions surrounding it are.

[@leizylromero]

I,m going through something similar right now. I don’t have a large social media presence but there are abusive people in real life who are cyberstalking me. It’s awful. It’s always the people closest to you who hurt you the most. It also scary how it can be a person you never met before. Police don’t listen until you contact them constantly

[@vcka]

poor baby. I'm sorry you struggled through the show. I like watching you speak and I respect that you exposed the situation like this

[@RylovesRory]

I’m so sorry you had to go through this Roly. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that you’re feeling better and that this helps you process that trauma a little. And that your story and this movie helps change the way law enforcement reacts to these situations 💜🖤💜

[@danikapowell7780]

I was stoked by a woman twice my age for a few years and was actually attacked by her 3times. Police where useless! It affected my whole life I was scared to leave the house I was a broken person. It still affects me 12 years later.

[@becausereadingis]

Thank you for being willing to share. People need to understand how these situations actually start and the real harm that happens. I appreciate your insight on the topic generally as well

[@veggiemonkie5041]

I never expeted you to review this show, also didnt know you made extra videos on different subjects, but im sooo glad you did, more people need to be having this discussion! Stalking + SA can happen to anyone at anytime, and awarness+acceptence of this fact is the most important step to helping survivors reach out to get help!

[@istymix]

the woman who stalked Richard, she got an interview by Piss Morgan to prove that the story was not real, and she gave herself a disservice that it was proven that the story was completely true, that part is so satisfying

[@TheSpryngsnowstorm]

A close family member used to stalk me. She was married to a cop and he would just get her my new numbers and addresses (also meant I couldn't go to the cops for help). She would show up places I worked and cause trouble, lie about me to my friends and other family members with just enough truth that they believed her. I just had to keep running, moving states until she eventually ran out of steam and the cop retired and she lost easy access to my new information. It's been about 5 years since I last heard from her, but I still don't answer the phone for numbers I don't know and she shows up in occasional nightmares. I'm not afraid of her anymore though; it's mostly a bittersweet blend of nostalgia, disillusionment, anger, and pity.

[@666michie]

My hubby had a woman do something similar to him, he was just being nice to her....and when me and him got together she acted like he was cheating on her with me!! He NEVER had a relationship with her!! She brought her friends to his house the night of our FIRST date to confront us. He had to be mean to her to get her to leave. People are crazy.

[@sweariefaerie9621]

I'm proud of you taking this on. I know you wouldn't do this if you thought you couldn't push through the triggers, and it shows how much healing you've worked for, and I just want to celebrate that. Still, I hope your brain automatically gives a big dose of comfort to compensate. Sending love your way.❤

[@boo_mantle]

When watching baby reindeer and listening to you talking about your first interaction with your stalker all i kept thinking of was the saying- no good deed goes unpunished. It wasn't either of your faults, you were just being kind and polite. You weren't to know the person was deranged.

[@silverghostcat1924]

I can understand having to reprocess everything after watching something so similar. I find it offensive that these horrible people are treated like celebrities. It just gives other deranged people the idea that it's okay to chase fame this way. Media has a lot to do with this as well. I understand the need to warn the public of such dangerous people, but they need to learn to do so without hyping them up to folk lore status. I'm glad you're doing better. 💜

[@kismitj]

i've been very much afraid to watch it, because i was worried it'd activate my ptsd. thank you for being so open and honest with us all about this. because you're right, it impacts every aspect of life. i haven't left my house alone in ....gods. close to a decade at this point.

[@claritybadb]

Jamie questioning his "byeeee" 😂😂😂

[@stay_curious]

I'm very sorry you went through that, I havent been stalked but I've had DV in my past and understand how triggering shows and movies can be. I've had to excuse myself when watching things with friends before. And it's the same again with people saying "why didn't you just do this?" Unless you're in that situation, you can't know and you can't judge. I truly hope you're doing better now ❤

[@space_cadet04]

I just adore you Roly! It is hard to talk about something that others may not necessarily have any experience with themselves. My stalker was female and she wasn't infatuated with me, she was incredibly jealous to the point she is still messing with my life a year later. Getting a restraining order does nothing, as you know, when the person is completely unhinged! They don't care about a piece of paper. I'm sorry Roly. I can see what people are drawn to you and fascinated by you but it's a whole other ballgame when the person is psychotic or dangerously obsessive. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[@Observette]

3:18 Rolly the show isn’t actually fact. It’s inspired by real event but contested by the actual real woman the character is based on. So at best, the show is a dramatized version of a real story.

[@mariebreckman2668]

I'm so sorry to hear this @extraRoly. I was attacked & it still affects me to this day. No one deserves this! Keep up being strong. Much love ❤

[@hollierushby]

I think it's amazing that you are bringing this again to the public eye and sharing how it affected you as it does have a long-term effect on you and your mental health. Police don't take crimes against men seriously, and they should. Well done for watching it. It was hard to watch. I also think the fame she is getting is horrendous. You ramble and get it all out. It's best to get it out. ❤❤❤

[@superdrwholock]

I saw the show too, was a hard watch especially during the scenes with the writer guy and the violent scenes, but really well executed. I think Richard Gadd was very brave to share his story and to share it so honestly, not shying away from his own mistakes and flaws as a person who had self-esteem issues and was feeling hopeless with his life. I did think about when you shared your experience when I watched it too, as well as others I've heard like Sweet Anita, it seems weirdly common with content creators online but that may just be cos that's where I've seen it more, or cos the more people you're exposed to the more likely it is you'll come across someone with these tendencies. I saw a youtuber called Alizee speak about Piers Morgan's interview he did with the 'real' person and it annoyed (but didn't surprise) me that he has platformed this person. I know people have said she should have her say and whatever but it feels like people have totally disregarded the whole point of the show, similarly to how some people did when they forced Kit Connor from Heartstopper out of the closet. And it means she is still having an affect on his life now and has been enabled to by the media all for clicks. It has raised awareness and Richard did a great job of showing how he downplayed it in his head and I imagine that'd be quite a common reaction especially for guys being stalked by women cos of the stereotypical cishet norms. Anyway I really admire that you had the attitude of no this is not normal, look at the extent of the messages, how they are contacting family and friends, I don't need to put up with this sort of behaviour. (Also I'm not trying to blame people who haven't had that attitude cos they might not have the self-advocacy skills, may have lower confidence etc, stalking is not the victims fault whatsoever, even in Gadd's case where he engaged with the stalker, it's not an excuse when someone clearly says leave me and my friends/family alone)

[@Mezsworld]

Oh Roly, your lived experience is important, as is the gentleman in this show. Im sorry the overhang of your stalker is having on your current mindset. Then shows like this will bring these things to the forefront but this video shows you are compassionate and kind. I hope that going forward you are happy and well. ❤

[@Tokyo_Rose.]

I've been through it too Roly, so I can empathise completely. My stalker threatened to kill me, my husband, and my mum. It seemed hopeless and neverending. The police sometimes arrested him, for me it was the courts that let me down. I'm sorry this still affects you now Roly ❤

[@Gatewaystardust]

Well now I am well aboard the trigger train! 🚂 thank you for bringing light to this. How amazing would it be if one person going through something like this got help because of your courage to share! 😊❤

[@TheBeautyJournals]

Poor Roly, I can’t even begin to imagine how horrible this all must have been for you. So glad you have your support network around you. X

[@jaymartin3917]

I'm lucky enough to not have been stalked and I haven't watched the show. Even if a traumatic event happened a long time ago, certain things can trigger feelings as though that person is still going through that trauma. I think it is disgusting that situations like stalking aren't taken seriously until somebody's hurt. It is completely unacceptable to make someone afraid to live their life. I'm so glad you're doing ok now and PLEASE continue being your fun and kind self 😊

[@wintersnow88]

I had a stalker in highschool who was unfortunately also my next door neighbour, so I didn't feel safe anywhere. The constant stress pretty much broke my mind and I had a nervous breakdown after highschool finished. It's been years and I'm still affected by it.

[@Rootedinjoydecor]

I am so proud of you, it’s been a couple decades since my stalker, that ish stays with you. Growing through these times, when faced with similar experiences and sharing is perfectly normal even twenty years later. You speaking on it allows others to grow as well.

[@LittleWittleKitty]

I literally just binged every episode today and finished it up less than 5 minutes ago!

[@hxxx756]

People’s reactions to Baby Reindeer has driven me up the wall. All of the memes and jokes being made really annoys me. It’s almost perpetuating the narrative that female perpetrators are not capable of those things/it’s one big joke. I’m so passionate about this from having 2 degrees in Psychology and wanting a career working with offenders. I just wish people took men’s experiences more seriously!

[@JustTanya.]

It is that double standard isn't it? Them thinking that a woman couldn't do any harm and I'm like, do you even know the lengths that women are capable of going if they want attention? Women can work in the shadows. Getting to know all the vulnerable points, not just talking physically. I think stalking of any kind by anyone is frightening enough but when law enforcement are paid to protect and serve and they choose not to, it's infuriating.

[@ShyAnn291]

I hate that people don’t think that a man can be a victim of stalking and/or sexual violence!

[@mothturtle7897]

What I hate is when the real stalker was tracked down, people were criticising him for not doing enough to protect her privacy. I don't condone tracking her down or the subsequent harassment directed towards her but, come on, he doesn't owe her protection.

[@mackenzieruiz4953]

Roly I truly think you're an amazing person and I'm so sorry this happened to you. I had an ex boyfriend that befriended me in highschool when I had a boyfriend before him, and he did not take any hints. He would be all over me and he would gift me food all of the time, always trying to make me feel something like appreciation. I had to tell the counselors about him and it had stopped temporarily, but once I was single he came after me again. Because he was so good at making me feel appreciated, especially after my breakup, I got together with him which led to the true abuse. The yelling, hitting, and disregarding my boundaries, turning my family against me, breaking up four times, he also would be with other women and be very hypocritical about me not having guy friends, it all eventually made me realize I'm better than that. He still would try to come back a few times, but after my dad and the police spoke to him it's been pretty tame. But man, I still feel unsafe being around town where I know he hangs around. I cannot go to where I think he works, I cannot go to the carwash by myself (he loves to wash his cars), and if I see him at all I can already feel the little heart attack I would get trying to find the best way to avoid him. I can understand what you're talking about, it's not a great feeling, but life goes on and I truly believe karma will get him.

[@carolync5900]

I adore all your content. I am sitting her nodding alonge agreeing on like everything you are saying!!!! Para social relationships can be scary. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. My narcissistic ex stalks me still but I cannot fathom being stalked by a stranger or a one time meeting person. Laws where I am ( Pennsylvania)can be grey on what stalking is too. And it's like something bad has to happen before they take it seriously. Love that you are using your platform for serious matters too. 💜💜💜💜💜 Keep being amazing x.

[@Karlurbans]

I’m so sorry this happened to you :(♥️ I understand the ‘not reporting’ and baby reindeer displays the reasons well

[@toxiczombiewolf5692]

You're right about the system failing people and children. When you mentioned crime caes wirh children i instantly thought of Gabriel Fernández and how many times that boy was failed until he died. How can we call it a justice system if there is none.

[@rizzle8426]

Oh my god, I literally had the thought today, I wonder if Roly has watched baby reindeer as he basically had his own Martha. Thanks for sharing

[@stressica]

I did think about you and your personal experience when I watched through it! Stand strong dear Roly 🧡 there's always gonna be times that we all of a sudden have to revisit old trauma. Sending love and light your way 🌟🧡🌟

[@antonhaq3503]

Bless you Roly for making this video. It will help a lot of people process a very difficult experience. Excellently made and presented video.

[@pasteldoll7274]

as someone who expieranced a lot of similar things he did, and did a lot of the same mistakes as he did. it was such a hard watch but also oddly healing to see it

[@krmrivera83]

I hate that the police, no matter where you're from, doesn't do anything until something awful has happened. Sometimes we act later than the event happened because we sometimes think it will not happen again, it will solve intself, it can't get any worse, they're going to get tired eventually. But there's a lot of deranged people out there. It's great that you could solve it eventually, but sometimes you remember and relive things, and the panic attack and anxiety ensues. Stay safe everyone, trust your instincts and have someone you can really trust to talk this kind of things out.

[@turbgar]

I am so glad you did this video, I am a fairly new Roly fan and when I watched the videos recently about your stalker, I had already seen the series and learned that the actor in it is really who dealt with these issues, so the names are 'fake' but the story is true and happened to him.. Martha/Fiona from baby reindeer talks exactly like your stalker did to you!! seriously bipolar between love and hate over the smallest perceived slights. So your videos really gave me flashes to the series and his story. Honestly it's sad for the stalkers too, clearly they're not right in the head but I am so sad anyone has to deal with being stalked and harassed like that. that is not something anyone deserves to deal with. People talk a lot about how being 'famous' means you should expect fans and no privacy.. I disagree with that and the internet makes it so much harder for people in the public eye to even exist as a human. So glad you got to stay safe.

[@turbgar]

Also, it wasn't a stalker but in general the police being able and willing to protect someone who has not yet been assaulted is just not there.. I've had someone who lived in the apartment building I used to live tell me, in front of 4 of my friends and 3 of his friends, that he was going to slit my throat. the cops and landlords said they can't do anything unless he physically touches me. :') Insane.

[@rainn_island]

Roly so glad you bring sensitivity to this subject. Very thought provoking. I’m sorry stalking happened to you. Love your channels.❤

[@roisinoneill6191]

Thank you for talking about this ❤ It’s so important.

[@skogsdocka]

I had an ex partner stalk me online for years. It was very scary considering they where delusional and abusive during our relationship. They made new accounts all the time when I blocked but always left very specific clues in the username/ their bios (like past nicknames, interests, their age, their hometown, pets name, birthdate) so that I would understand who they where. They made up stories about me and posted me to their own insta obsessing of our relationship. So my stalker story is obviously not of the same magnitude of your story, I'm not famous and I knew this person irl before. But I understand a bit of that feeling of almost getting obsessed back because of being scared they might show up somewhere and looking out. I avoided going outside too while I was visiting my hometown all the time. Thankfully they've since moved and I feel a bit more free when being in my hometown at least for visits.

[@shawnastar77]

💖 thank you for being so honest about your experience. Keep being so strong! It’s beautiful to see. 🤗

[@jeniferrigs8458]

Thank you Roly, you are a wonderful person and we appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings about this difficult topic.

[@jcook910]

I definitely thought of you when I started watching and it made it all the more difficult to watch, as hard as it already was. Hope you are well!

[@Itri_Vega]

I relate to the CPS part. I have lasting damage to my ability to process stress via my nervous system from the abuse and neglect I experienced. Police came and was turned away at the door. The German regional Jugendamt knew and did nothing, and I only got out because i was essentially abandoned and taken in by my aunt who wasn't great but at least provided some essential support. Until I came out as trans but that's a different story. In 2016 I then learnt that my birthgiver had another child which she also mistreated and that she had posted an image of me hugging her dog, claiming I was one of the neighbours children and denying I ever existed. A few years ago I played Tales of Symphonia which has a plotline about siblings being abandoned by their mother and eventually they find her again. She is deeply mentally ill and believes a doll she is holding is one of her children so when the actual kids show up she has a psychotic breakdown and thinks they are strangers. She throws them out and they are heartbroken. And let me tell you, I sobbed. It was horrible because I hate crying and sadness. But it also made me feel incredibly seen. Finally someone admitted that mothers can be horrific and scar their children for life. Finally someone wasn't using her mental illness as an excuse. So yeah there is a lot of power in that.

[@mitochondria558]

Eeeeeew I did not realize that the actual stalker was being treated like a celebrity. That's really gross. Especially because I had assumed that the show took some liberties and was more BASED on a true story, so that person is not actually that character. I hate that, I hate that we even know who it is, but maybe it was unavoidable. If there's legal records that people can look at, I'm not sure.

[@ziganamonroe1812]

Sending love and peace to you Roly. Must be hard bringing all this up again and feeling triggered by the show. Thanks for your brave honesty. 😊

[@TheLucyblades]

I haven't seen the show but your experience sounds awful, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You make so many great points in this video.

[@ClancyNacht]

I was stalked, but it was someone I knew and I managed to handle it without police, but it was terrifying. Not having any idea even WHO was stalking you sounds so nightmarish. Police aren't really empowered to do a lot about stalking, in general, but I do feel like there's some sexism involved in thinking "oh, a man can handle a female stalker." As if women can't be violent or dangerous. I loved the show, but it also triggered some hard memories for me from the other big part of the show. But in other ways it was kind of validating. And I'm glad you are here and are talking about it. You, and everyone, deserve to feel safe, especially at home.

[@miniscenesgb]

An amazing insight Roly. I'm glad you got out the other end of your trauma ok. Yes, Richard Gadd wrote and starred in that show and yes it's closely based on his true story. It must have been traumatising for him to do that. You're right about the law not taking things seriously. I was a victim of something icky years ago, and had a breakdown as a result. Many people in my life were badly affected. The police weren't interesting because there was no actual physical contact. Afterwards I ut in a complaint to the police complaints commission and a meeting was arranged with the very useless Warwickshire police and they have reviewed their police training and processes. So - I was pleased there was a good outcome. The perpetrator was convicted in the end and is now on the sex offenders register for life. I wonder if you could get together with Richard Gadd - or alone - try to get to talk to the government about this. You are right - the law needs fixing. You have influence, and this is a very hot topic right now because of baby reindeer

[@hannahhansen3005]

Thank you for making this video. It always helps us who have gone through or are going through similar situations.

[@Mushroom_Capp]

I've been stalked by an ex for a while and I'm still living under fear of this person ruining my life further. I was 15 and he was 17, I was under the age of consent but things still happened. I found out he cheated on me three times and so I left the relationship. He then managed to tell all of my friends and anyone I would try to be friends with that I had SA'd him. I felt really alone during the ages of 15-20 cause I spent a lot of it alone because of this person just looming over me and my friends. He would anonymously send me really intense insults and such over so many accounts. I haven't heard anything for over a year now after threatening actual police involvement, but I am still so scared and I miss a lot of my old friends... Dealing with these sort of things are horrible, I fully understand that living in fear and dread every single day for that person to rear their head. You're so brave for talking about this Roly. I fully agree that there is not enough resources that 1) support victims better in these sorts of blackmailing and stalking incidents and 2) that unless there is an actual act of violence, it's not taken seriously....