Back On Track... Mini Relapse? Update? What I Eat In a Day... (Anorexia Recovery)

[@avajo2950]

OMG your face without makeup!!!! Literally looks like you have makeup on. Gorgeous either way.

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much 😀

[@emmaharcourt1439]

So proud of you for being honest about your struggles, you’re such a strong and beautiful person. ❤️

[@Jessicakaity]

thank you I always try to be as raw as possible x

[@samanthabirnie4619]

I am so glad you have ben honest and open with us - recovery is not linear and part of the process is recognising our triggers and responding to them in a positive healthy way to get back on track. We know in our hearts when we are allowing the ED thoughts to creep back in and affect our behaviours. I find journaling and writing the thoughts down makes it easier to see them for what they are - disordered thoughts that are based on fears and anxieties unconnected to food and puling apart that link is key to recovery. It is hard because seeing the link and acknowledging the faulty cognitive process does not make it any easier - strength of mind and character and the will to fight and succeed is what you need to cling to. I believe you can do this BUT its ok and encouraged to ask for help, talk about it, get it out in the open, do not feel ashamed. Be present be strong be amazing BE YOU! Low key love you baes and rooting for you - we believe in you, you got this!!!!!!!!!

[@Jessicakaity]

Such beautiful words thank you soo much x

[@november8994]

i'm so proud of you for doing this. you are so so strong and i know you can do this. you're so inspirational. ily and you've got this!

[@Jessicakaity]

WE GOT THIS!!! thank you sooo much ily x

[@audreychan1637]

Such a big fan of seeing another video from you to start my day!! I am sorry things are a little tough right now, but you are a true fighter after everything you have fought through. You are beautiful, so much love. 💛

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much!! x

[@emilybilbow5304]

I have those Ed thoughts as well... the ones that tell you that you don’t need to eat or that you’ll feel better if you don’t... they are wrong! It doesn’t feel good not to eat... and you just end up sadder and more tired... you can’t even enjoy watching your favorite shows because you are either falling asleep or preoccupied with thoughts of food... let others who care help you until you are strong anc healthy enough to do it yourself! Having a setback does not mean you failed... getting back up, and continuing to fight makes you stronger!!!

[@Jessicakaity]

We can do this!! fall down seven get up eight Xxx

[@anseladams23]

Your new hair is beautiful and really suits you.

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much x

[@eb9436]

So brave of you to talk about how you have been struggling. Recovery is a long long process. And it's definitely not linear. We go forward and backwards and up and down and all that's jazz. And that's unfortunately just part of it. BUT, regardless of the bumps in the road, we must keep moving forward and like you did, reach out for help and support! Having a meal plan if a great way to make sure we are getting the energy we need to recover (our brain and organs take quite a while to recover. Even though you might notice weight gain it doesn't mean things INSIDE are healthy again. It can take 1 year + for things to sort of state working again. And brain healing takes sadly s very long time. ) For your meal plan is it strictly just 3 meals and 3 snacks, or does your dietian also give you a written plan of like the food groups you need to have for your meals (protein, grain, veg/fruit, fat, dairy, dessert) and your snacks? (Ex . Protein, "fun foods" , grain, juice etc. ) Because of course someone can go on eating 3 meals and 3 snacks but they also need to make sure those meals and snacks have the right amount of energy and all the food groups. I was also wondering how come you make your own dinners? Do you not eat with your parents/family? (Like your parents make dinner and you just come to eat it. Not knowing what's in it etc. Not only is it quite normal to do this, but it's a way to let go of control in Ed recovery. My parents made ALL of my meals and snacks at the beginning of this year. Now I am able to make my snacks and breakfast but my parents watch me very very closely. And they make lunch and dinner and we eat together. )

[@emilybilbow5304]

Your parents obviously love you very much... you are very lucky! Tell them how much you love and appreciate them...

[@Jessicakaity]

such wise words!!! with your first question my dietitian has given categories for the snacks as a minimum so i cant just say I'm having a piece of fruit the minimum is always much higher and if I'm hungry or want mote i must listen to that! i do often make my own dinners due to my family being very busy and kinda scared to make them for me, my parents often eat very late 9pm ish due to work and that would be too late for me so i eat earlier. i do when able to let my parents make dinner. hope this makes sense.

[@jadebyrne9619]

I wouldn’t call this a “mini relapse” is more just a step back which is totally normal. My support team doesn’t like calling it a relapse (unless I need hospitalisation) because it’s giving into the eating disorder. The eating disorder what’s to hear the word “relapse”.

[@Jessicakaity]

i understand what your saying but the reason my team and i say its a relapse is so the ed doesn't feel like it has go set 'goals' until its classed as a relapse cause the point of hospitalisation is too late any slip up mental or physical is just as valid as being called a relapse in my opinion as it gives the ed no extra reason yo keep going if that makes sense Xxx

[@Backforthefuture]

You honestly inspire me so much, and give me great food ideas, lol. I’m 45 and have struggled since I was around 5 years old and between you and Tabitha Farrar I now feel more human and more positive and able to help myself and my teen daughter more. Your deficit explanation is brilliant and I can relate so much. I also struggle with social media and have done so much better being me. Well done sweetheart, well done for your honesty, well done for owning your worth and your life. 😘❤️🙏👍 Edited to add that after watching you I gave myself permission to watch something on my phone whilst eating and it helps so much. 👍

[@precious9391]

5..?

[@Backforthefuture]

@@precious9391 yes 5. I learnt that at infant school I didn’t have to eat every bite and get tummy ache. My mum was very much a “you will stay there until you’ve eaten every bite” but at infant school there wasn’t as much food in their lunches and if I didn’t want it other children would eat it. I learnt a very powerful connection between food and feelings that has lasted..

[@precious9391]

@@Backforthefuture I am so sorry that's so young I'm 13 and I'm so sorry for you

[@precious9391]

Ik we,you, me can all do this

[@Jessicakaity]

thank you soo much!! im soo sorry you were subject to that from such a young age that must have been very traumatic!!! i wont pretend to know how hard it is for you now with the ed probably becoming part of your identity but please remember you can still do this and your life will be so much better without an ed no matter what you end up doing. i m not saying it will be easy or straight forward at all but please trust me and try!!! Xxx

[@Skye_-or9xf]

You're so so gorgeous and we are all so proud of you, love the videos, supporting you the whole way through xx

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much!! xxx

[@LucyTalbot]

thank you so much for talking about these things! i agree with you 100% about it being the small things- i thought i was the only one. current am dealing with a similar thing and this was a great heads up xxxx

[@Jessicakaity]

we can do this x

[@RudeJags]

Hi Jessica, I think that you are great! So honest...and, thank you for educating me today on the consequences of energy deficit. Life has got insanely stressful; nutrition, self-care and well-being can really help. It is so important to acknowledge where you are, on the recovery journey...and, I loved how you described the ED mindset. You don't have to keep backsliding; you can recover now. Today. An eating disorder is a mental disorder...which manifests itself physically. Keep strong and being you. It is SO worth the fight.

[@Jessicakaity]

Sooo true!!! ED is a mental illness with physical side effects like the stereo typical weight loss but really the true damage is internally e.g. to the brain, heart, mind set and electrolytes Xxx

[@LenaChandika]

Wish you all the best to get back on track!❤ Do you eat less now and you choose more food which is considered to be "healthy", don't you? You seem to be still very thin. But thank you for honesty. It is good that you are aware of your struggels bit now you have to go on!😘 Much love for your recovery now and your future! It is important to eat and to exercise less, even if your brain and your emotions say the opposite. But you are very strong, use this energy in a positiv way!💪

[@Jessicakaity]

i choose what my body wants which tends to be a fairly 80/20 split. most of my diet is whole/minimally processed foods which i class as bread, meats, nuts, pasta, cereals and yogurt but this is enterally natural and not forced at all if i fancy some cake/sweets or chocolate i can eat it but its just not what i crave anymore xxx

[@LenaChandika]

@@Jessicakaity ❤

[@monkeylover8165]

We are all here for you to support you, and take the time you need! We do not want you to get back to your lowest days. Stay strong 💕

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much xxx

[@vikxy1]

omg your hair is gorgeous and you are the most amazing person ever💓💓💓

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much 🤗 Xxx

[@basia5623]

in Poland today is also such a horrible weather... it's rainy and cold all day just 7 degrees celsius

[@Jessicakaity]

erghhhh hate cold weather worse in depths of ED just another reason to recovery Xxx

[@denisediet6194]

I love your new hair, it makes you look so adult😵 thank you for being inspirational!!!

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much xxx

[@iratimejuto1694]

i’m so happy that u realized baby. i was a little concerned seeing the last videos... i love u! it will get better! i believe in you. you can beat this.

[@Jessicakaity]

👐 thank you soo much x

[@Kate-xp6vv]

You are so motivating and inspiring, your hair looks absolutely stunning btw 💖

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much!! x

[@hannahcollardgray4448]

Hanger is a real emotion that isn’t talked about enough.

[@beaudeneschmetz6355]

Hii Jessica. I was wondering why you aren’t going all in again? You always said it helped you sooo much. Personally, I think all in is the only way to recover. No offense to meal plans but I don’t think they will get you or anyone recovered. Hope you’re in a better place soon!!

[@Jessicakaity]

Yes of course! i should have mentioned this in the video. i am still all in, the meal plan is just a minimum if i want more i have to eat more!! my mini relapse was fuelled by a lack of appetite causing disordered thoughts1 so I've gone back to a minimum to make sure i stay nourished and to get rid of some intrusive thoughts. hope this makes sense! Xxx

[@alexaung5462]

You inspire sis! You got this 🥰

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you! 🤗 WE GOT THIS Xxx

[@deyaniraramos1396]

It's true, the weight part is a danger sign where things are getting out of hand physically but mentally it can be as dangerous...your body changing is just the toll of it too...but technically it is kind of physical too because your brain is effected, abdominal organs...blood levels... electrolytes...etc. thank you for being honest here and that you are working on it.

[@Jessicakaity]

EXACTLY!!! some people only count weigh or what's visible as damage but really its what you can see which causes the issues Xxx

[@zoec9598]

Great video! Don't give up fighting! I did it, so can you! 💪 Also, sorry if this sounds rude, but I was just wondering why your fingers are always red and swollen? Is it because of the eating disorder or something else? I've never seen it before! You don't have to answer if it's too personal, was just curious! Xx

[@Jessicakaity]

THANK YOU XXX its fine don't worry!!! its due to in the past when i was really stressed i subconsciously pickd at my fingers and they are still healing fully Xxx

[@JoJo-vg9sj]

Wise words and advice... thank for being honest

[@Jessicakaity]

Always! x

[@Филиппины-с7в]

Found this video at the best time. Struggling with a relapse starting with the past week...

[@Jessicakaity]

im sooo sorry to hear that, You got this!

[@mickymc30]

Little miss steps are all part of the recovery and glad you realized this, maybe just a new environment with college unsettled you slightly, but glad you snapped out of it 👍, hairs nice too 👌

[@Jessicakaity]

Yes! Thank you! x

[@hannahaitken1939]

This is complete unrelated but I love ur dog. In the background it look like he was trying to play the piano. Thank u for being honest, sometimes recovery isn't straightforward and that's okay 💜

[@EmilySaysRed]

Well done for opening up - that’s often the toughest bit! Did you have an AS, or am I just being blind? X

[@Jessicakaity]

im sorry im not sure what an AS is aha but thank you x

[@EmilySaysRed]

Afternoon snack sorry!!

[@summer-pr5jl]

Omg you have a boyfriend I’m so happy for you. You look amazing

[@Jessicakaity]

awe thank you Xxx

[@anusha1757]

You are so inspirational 💖 I've also incorporated a night pudding into my meal plan 🍮 and it's really great! I used to hate the idea but now I look forward to having something delish! I love your positive outlook and I hope to have the same outlook too. Thank you 😊💖

[@Jessicakaity]

you gotta love a night pud x

[@emmahoi4176]

You're strong and love the hair!❤

[@Jessicakaity]

thank youuuu and we all have strength inside you just have to believe it x

[@jayye.8886]

your hair is so pretty

[@Jessicakaity]

aweeee thank you x

[@kaceylaity1215]

Love your hair!! Suits you so much

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much 😀xxx

[@MyErinyes]

I loooove your new hair!!

[@SophBywater]

Your amazing beautiful 🧡🌻🧡 Love your new hairstyle too.... very you! Also moisturiser helps get hair dye off your skin 😊 Take care lovely and thank you being you xxxxxxxxx

[@Jessicakaity]

Thanks for the tip! you're too kind Xxx

[@emilybilbow5304]

It’s great that you have very supportive people in your life... are you still dancing?

[@Jessicakaity]

yes, i still dance as it helps me think more clearly yes it can be triggering but as soon as my actions change i stop Xxx

[@leannecraggs3165]

Love the hair you look lovely as if that’s u with no make up ! X

[@Jessicakaity]

Awee thank you x

[@avaleadbetter4550]

So inspirational keep going you’re so amazing 💗

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you! Will do!

[@monkeylover8165]

Btw, I love your new hair 😍🤩

[@popstarx]

I love your vids xx

[@Jessicakaity]

awee thank you x

[@michaeljames4904]

Grim weather makes one moody: it’ll pass.

[@Jessicakaity]

ahah so true x

[@harmonyhope1709]

I'm so glad you are finally recognising that recovery isn't quite as straightforward as you previously thought. I'm not saying I told you so at all! Sometimes we're just not ready to see it/hear it. Proud of you for also admitting to the exercise addiction. The best thing is that you've recognised this and are making positive changes and have sought help from your team and talked to your family. These lapses are all part of the bigger recovery picture.... You learn from each blip and as you say it's about picking yourself back up when you fall. Take care of yourself and keep pushing forward xxx ❤️

[@Jessicakaity]

thank you so much for always being there for me, it means alot!!! xxx

[@harmonyhope1709]

@@Jessicakaity I will always support people in their recovery journey. We are all fighting this thing together 💪💯 we are stronger as a team fighting against anorexia and will win xxx keep faith in the process ❤️

[@bellv4163]

Do you have falsies or are those lashes natural?😍

[@bellv4163]

Btw I love your nails!

[@Jessicakaity]

natural aha I've always had donkey sized lashes ahah THANK YOU xxx

[@meaganmcgrath7556]

You are a beautiful young woman.😊 stay positive! 😊

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you! You too! xxx

[@meaganmcgrath7556]

@@Jessicakaity thanks.😊

[@brooklynn_mr8477]

Girl you’re gorgeous! Keep being a queen! 💕

[@Jessicakaity]

Thank you so much!! xxx

[@sashakeiv2703]

your first meal of the day was at 1pm.... I-.....

[@Jessicakaity]

yes it was very inconvenient but sometimes we just have to deal with life throws at us and next time ill try prepare more for the possibility of that happening again Xxx

[@brisciasantos3113]

💖

[@kidthateveryonethinkshasso1872]

Why would eat when you aren’t physically hungry? When I had my illness, I had gotten severely underweight, but when I entered recovery, I only ate when I was physically hungry, even though I had been thinking about food a lot. No hate, you can eat whenever you want, I’m just wondering why you eat when you’re thinking about food rather than when you’re hungry.

[@box_diviel]

You Have a lot of mental hunger and its not about your weight,BMI etc. I haven't watch you since from beginning of summer...I can say you afraid a little bit to respond to your hunger 100%. Even if you respond to your hunger 90 or 99% is still Restriction,Your Body Know That. Try your hardest and show your e.d. Who is Real Boss and Who More Powerful! Best of Luck, You got this!

[@Jessicakaity]

SOOO TRUE!!! i am still afraid of 100% listening yo my hunger but this is something i am working on. your words are so wise thank you Xxx

[@brisciasantos3113]

You still have anorexia

[@oliviaschumann3172]

OMG 😍💋 💝💖❤️