Backsliding into Salvation, My Deconstruction & Reconstruction Story

[@SleeplessMomma]

Wow, you have been through quite the journey. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️

[@tonymiller3788]

Congratulations. I'm a couple years younger than you and grew up in the Assembly of God church. Been free from religion for about 10 years now. Great to have another voice of truth. You should consider doing an interview with Tim Mills of Harmonic Atheist If the spirit of god had any power you'd expect it to manifest in people's lives a little more consistently.

[@DarqueSyde66]

I TOTALLY hear you on the human suffering thing. How Christians twist themselves into pretzels justifying and rationalizing that just blows my mind!

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@DarqueSyde66 Yeah! It’s one of the biggest reasons I just can’t!

[@missb9196]

Hey, Timmy! I am also a former cult member and it is great to know your story as a cult lider. I also started to question all the teachings when I went through emotional abuse and realized "Jesus died on the cross" just for some of the members (the liders). I left before things got worse and I am now starting to advocate for victims who went through all kinds of abuse. I am a psychologist now and am willing to work with cult victims as well. I am now agnostic too. There is no way I am coming back to the "christian" teachings. Love from Brazil ❤

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@missb9196 Thank you for sharing! Brazil, wow… so cool! I hope to visit there someday!

[@jeannemalaby2688]

Omg!! Grew up the same way and left the faith in 2009 at the age of 60! I grew up in Tulsa also in a very independent holiness church with a woman preacher!!! I’m so glad to be free to love people however they are and don’t have to be judgmental anymore!! Total freedom❤

[@lifewithklc]

I’m one of the ppl that was interested in your backstory. Thanks for being so open and willing to share. Much respect.

[@unfixablegop]

"I focused on those who prayed and got well" Proof that they had prayed the right way. 🙂

[@henrim9348]

Congratulations for your courage. Welcome to the world

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@henrim9348 Thank you!!

[@elisha0ashleigh]

Thank you for sharing your journey - it is so so interesting to hear and I love how you've been able to find such a positive way to make use of your gift of engaging an audience in this new part to your story 😊😁

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@elisha0ashleigh Thank you so much Elisha!

[@elisha0ashleigh]

🤗

[@martinelzen5127]

Cool Timmy, thanks for sharing this story!

[@mtcstyle]

Man, thanks for sharing. I was a 3rd generation AG attender. Had friends go to CBC and Evangel. I've been out of the church for almost 10 years. Just couldn’t jive with some beliefs and, as I'm sure you know, you can't question orthodoxy. There's so much more freedom outside the walls of the 501c3 organization.

[@timmygibsonkc]

Absolutely! Thanks for listening!

[@ColorsFlight]

Very very interesting video. Really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing. I like longer videos. 😊

[@RobertJones-gq3jq]

I like this title Backsliding into Salvation.

[@jaeljade3609]

I felt bad for your little kid self. I think people mean well and were most likely raised this way themselves. Sounds like maybe your mom was anyway. It's pretty incredible you made it out. I'm glad you did.

[@marycollis6900]

Really interesting, the main points that made a difference for you, Timmy. They all resonated with me, but I think it all caved in very fast after reading ‘God- an Anatomy’, by Francesca Stavrakopoulou which delves into every Old Testament description of God in painstaking detail and shows with undeniable clarity- that we have been worshiping a Canaanite storm god. And have made up a whole story of life itself to weave our own lives into. How one can keep trotting along to church, praying through the day and confessing to being a Christian after realising that, I don’t know. Discovering the apostle Paul got all his convoluted “wisdom” from dreams, visions, and playing fast and loose with Old testament scriptures, and then that the gospels were not by eye witnesses and written much later on, and what is left? I loved your comment about putting your brain at the door and listening with your heart. In my church, we prided ourselves in NOT parking our brains at the door, and in having the REAL truth, while we went on to discuss Adam and Eve, amazing miracles and Gods presence in our midst, there to heal.

[@timmygibsonkc]

Thank you for your comment! Also a wild story!

[@naturdoc4076]

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb? 5-one to change the bulb and 4 to mix the drinks

[@timmygibsonkc]

lmao! ha ha ha ha Now that was funny!

[@kajunheart871]

Love it 😂. I grew up in the Episcopal Church. My grandparents and parents were members of this small Church. My best memories are running around after Service in the common area eating donuts,smoke filled room while the adults discussed the service. My grandmother made the wine at her house, I think she drank more with her friends than she made lol. I still call the Church “Home” even though I left it 20 years ago.

[@brookeelizabethskaggs]

So invested in this story. About half way through! Thank you for sharing, without a ton of unprocessed anger/judgments. I was at Bethel school for a while, and man the aftermath has been WILD. I love acknowledging the good and growth from those spaces, but also taking responsibility for the path forward while integrating more balanced and healthy ideas.

[@tarah.1648]

The journey is long, but it's beautiful! I felt like I was losing my mind a couple years before and a couple years after lol. ❤

[@timmygibsonkc]

So true Brooke. I was bitter for a bit, then I worked through that and can also appreciate the good I did take from it all. Trying not to "throw out the baby with the bathwater" as they say. But after taking a good hard long look at it I just couldn't continue believing it as literally true. Thank you for commenting! Enjoy the second half of my story.

[@brookeelizabethskaggs]

@@tarah.1648 haha im there. Any good book recommendations?

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@brookeelizabethskaggs Ya know, I read almost a book a week, but really just novels! Ha ha I love a good mystery! I have a ton of recommendations for fiction 😂 whoops… you were asking Tara!? 🤦🏼‍♂️

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@tarah.1648 me too at times!

[@sweencreamer]

Thanks for sharing your story. I stepped away from Christianity because I couldn’t see God as being good because of hell. After 5 years I did come back but with a new understanding of Gods justice as being restorative rather than retributive. How can we be told to love our enemy when God is going to torture his enemies forever haha. I’m probably a heretic to other Christian’s but the church has a way of demonizing people they don’t understand. Good luck on your journey and I hope you have peace and healing.

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@sweencreamer Very cool! I tried very hard for a good couple years to stay a Christian just with a different understanding of God, the Bible, Jesus redemptive work, etc. But the more I studied the deeper I dove the more I understood Greek Hebrew and other things like that, it just got to the point where it was impossible for me to ever believe in the Christian God as the Bible teaches. But that’s just my story. I respect your journey! Life is a journey indeed!

[@Busy23Mom]

I appreciated your perspective. I am a Christian but grew up under a charismatic theology. I no longer believe that theology, at all, and am so thankful to have stepped away from that aspect as I do not believe it represents the God of the Bible.

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@Busy23Mom That’s good to hear!

[@janegerow5974]

Love it. You know if we take the Bible for what it is. Ancient stores passed down around the camp fire. Trying to make sense of the world around them. It’s actually quite beautiful. And I am awed how they figured some things out. When you read Genesis with that frame of mind. Job. My fav. Life as he k owes it stinks but he carries on. He questions. He pleads. We can all related. . It is beautiful. Stunning……. Even. Literal No. when we take it literally we lose all context and take away the magic of it. Mythology used to be super important to people. It united people. Not anymore

[@StephenGrover-zc4hp]

You're a good example of the falling away in the last days as foretold in the bible!

[@pamelamaddox1547]

The reason they don't want followers to read and study ANYTHING outside their teaching is because they know FACTS dispell their cult teachings. Holy Shit!!!!

[@jessicamari316]

Wow thanks for sharing. Grew up in the Roman Catholic Church. Went to catholic school My entire life and now consider myself agnostic as well. Even though we weren’t as conservative as some other branches of Christianity. I still remember once I hit my high school years moving further away from that faith. It was taught pretty much everything we did was a sin. We were forced to read Dante’s inferno and I remember having severe panic attacks thinking I would be in one of the circles of hell. I think what really lost me was in the Catholic Church we are to confess our sins to the priest and I remember being so embarrassed and ashamed as a teenage girl to go and tell some man every “bad thought” or “bad deed” that I had done. (And if you left stuff out intentionally that was a sin too lol) Which looking back now the things i was confessing wasn’t that terrible but my 16 year old brain thought i for sure wasn’t making it into heaven 😂

[@timmygibsonkc]

Thank you Jessica! It's so clear how toxic the teaching is once you get out.

[@kimberlyburns7246]

Jessica, me too!! lol, now I am just so relaxing and happy. I would love to tell my younger self to go sit in the woods or by a creek or lake and meditate. That to me is church. Me and myself and if there is a god him or her too. I don’t know if I believe in a god. At times of trouble I find myself saying a little prayer in my head. But who knows. I told my elderly parents that they should watch church on tv if they feel the need, but I believe that since Covid they aren’t as religious as they used to be. My dad and mom are still believer but they now feel that they don’t have to go to church to talk to god. I have not told my parents about how I feel. I probably will never for fear of hurting them. I work for a credit card company and customers will say god bless you and I just say thank you . And leave it to that. Yes I’m blessed, but is god the reason, I don’t believe that is the case. So I am not sure if I am agnostic or not. But as a former fellow Roman Catholic I totally get it.

[@ColorsFlight]

Best saying I have heard about Kenneth Copeland goes like this .... When the devil goes to sleep he looks under his bed for Kenneth Copeland. That dude is scary. Oh and that remix to rap beats of his weird Covid prayer. Hilarious.

[@somersjdsj]

What a fascinating journey! Though far from over glad to see you have found "salvation".

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@somersjdsj Thank you sir!

[@evaw3421]

It was an incredible life story! And it's interesting to get a look at what it was really like. Not even the becoming pastors were perfect. That says a lot. Who can be perfect then... Maybe religion is mostly an instrument of power. When you look at the world map and where important natural resources are, there is always someone who has taken advantage of the opportunity to enrich themselves and religion is a type of power tool that can be used by these shady creatures and companies. I recognise the desire to get to the truth. I was like that myself. I came to the conclusion that it is not possible to read my way to any truth, because where had it led me so far. I had read a lot of philosophy in my teenage years. I started to look inwards because it makes the most sense to find the truth (if there is any) inwards. and I saw that I have so much programmings/beliefs that are in the way. Like I couldn't see the sky for all the trees. So, I started to look at everything I believed, just everything that came up. In my experience, it is oftentimes better to follow reasoning rather than following your feelings unless you have already gone through a process of deprogramming yourself. In the chest/heart, there are many programs (beliefs) that make you act more like a robot most of the time. The past predicts the future more or less. The subconscious is filled with these kind of programs. A certain type of input activates one program and another type of input activates another program. Pretty much like a self-created prison. My process was to remove as much belief as possible. That made the most sense to me. When the ego ("false self" made of beliefs) starts to become light, a type of flow becomes noticeable. Then what it is, whether it's God or another aspect of myself, doesn't really matter. It is in that that I want to live and operate from. A sense of lightness, go with the flow kind of thing and no rigid beliefs. A more happy and relaxed place to be at. Everyone has to find their own way to happiness and fulfillment. :)

[@timmygibsonkc]

Thank you Eva! It did require a lot of sitting with myself, digging, reading, journally, conversations with friends. It's been a journey for sure. I can say with absolute certainty I am way better as a non-believer than I ever was as a believer. Which is just weird to me, really! Never would have thought that.

[@evaw3421]

@@timmygibsonkc Yeah, I understand the level of introspection and what a relief it must have been when you finally broke free! Like a really heavy backpack just disappeared. There's a lot of expectations from society overall also, so there is another backpack to let go of lol! I see in my very Christian friend (the one I have left) that she is very tense and she has to purify things for hours and she is afraid of bad spirits, or whatever it was, around every corner. I just want to say RELAX to her, but she would not get it so I keep quiet. Maybe some day she is out of all this. It must be frightening to see so much bad stuff everywhere and all the time. And it's all in the head but she doesn't see that of course.

[@evaw3421]

@@timmygibsonkc One topic of interest is gender roles and Christianity. What does the Bible actually say? My former friend who was an extreme Christian said that the man should provide for the woman. The woman does the work in the home, she cleans and cooks and provides the man with sex. The man on the other hand gives the woman money. It was striking to me that she saw it all as a transaction. She didn't want to be with a man out of love, but rather it was about them exchanging favours and money. At the same time, she called almost all other women whores, women who worked and took care of themselves. I could never make sense of that and I asked her rhetorically that what is a woman who gets paid for sexual favours? She didn't see it as anything strange at all, it just was. I think she must still be single today lol. Swedish women usually work and earn money themselves. It's unusual to have housewives here. It's also unusual to have women who can't do men's work. In the US it is common with handymen, I understand, but in Sweden everyone is their own handyman. Ask a female or a male on how to, for example, put up new wallpapers and both can answer that. A certain cultural difference I believe. I mentioned the other week to my other female Christian friend that I was going to buy roller blinds and she immediately said that her husband is unfortunately too busy to put them up (!). I had not even asked for help. I do that sort of thing myself and I know for sure that before she became Christian for approximately 5 years ago, she would also have done it herself. I have a boyfriend but we don't live together and he's an artist so I'm better at cars, fixing things around the house etc. I don't see it as anything strange but everyone is good at something but no one is good at everything. He's good at music and I'm good at practial things. Strange that the men should do one job and the woman another. I see no freedom in that. I'm happy to learn about cars and help fix things when I can and I enjoy singing karaoke with my boyfriend every now and then but he is the one that is a really good singer (professional even).

[@justmeonly986]

Truth!

[@robbieg.3462]

Did you not have moments throughout your Christian walk where prayers were clearly answered, or God clearly moved for you? Whenever I go through periods of doubt, I remember the multiple times where God clearly answered a prayer, sometimes immediately, or times where He clearly made a way for me. A huge problem is that people experience these things in their lives, but as they get farther into the future they start trying to excuse them as coincidence. Especially through difficult times, we have to remember what God has done already. How he has moved and will move again. ““Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” V 10: Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.” I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭77‬:‭7‬-‭12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@robbieg.3462 thank you for sharing your experience Rob. My life now is just as “blessed” as it was then. Meaning, well of course I’d pray for certain things, and it would go well, and other times I’d pray for things and they’d go the opposite way. That’s just how life is for everyone whether you pray or not! But what Christian do (I know I did this) was only report on the things I prayed for that I then got! That was my testimony. Ha ha … but most people, especially those in developed countries will have both good and bad things happen. I do not see that god is “clearly moving” in anyone’s life! I know of the most faithful and devout Christians have the worst of luck!! Of course Christians would explain that away by saying, “they are just being persecuted for the lords sake, or the devil is attacking them” which is just completely BS. That’s the kind of ridiculousness I can’t stand. Sometimes in life miraculous type things happen, to both good people and bad people, both religious and non-religious people. There is no difference. 911 k*lled both religious and nonreligious alike. Both those who prayed and those who didn’t. The Christian has the same experience in life as an atheist, both experience cancer, addiction, ups, downs, successes, defeats, etc. life is life. What matters most is how you live your life, no whether you believe in god or not. Just my opinion and experience. Thanks again for commenting!!

[@carlosreira2189]

@@timmygibsonkc No man. How about praying for something specific? My friend started out, first prayer, God, please I need an iPod, and bam, her sister within a month, "can you use an old iPod?" I prayed for signs. "Lord if you're real, I want to see a green Cadillac." Don't give us philosophical musings. We have Ecclesiastes. As if you're the only one who ever suffered at the hands of hypocrites and an unseen creator in big dark universe.

[@grimlund]

How about the muslims? Maybe they can have an answer to their prays to. There may be a God out there but it doesnt have to be the christian God. Maybe he is universal. You dont have to be christian to believe in God.

[@carlosreira2189]

@@grimlund No, that's why God sent his son. So that the truth could be revealed. Also, it's important to know that Islam comes 600 years after Christ, when the Gospel had already been spread throughout the Greek and Roman world, and along with the many heresies of late antiquity Islam flourished, borrowing heavily from the Bible.

[@Tracey..H]

Life is a vapor. I’m almost gone. But I relate to some things you say.

[@carolhowell5417]

I too was very ernest in my desire to know God. I was baptized in the Church of Christ, which too can be very exclusive of outside beliefs. I took on the task of reading the Bible from start to finish in a year. I never made it through the old testament and I realized that the God of the Bible was not a God I could follow. Now I look to nature to know God, I see God in the perfect organization of nature without human emotion. We all live, need to survive and all must die, this is natures way for all creation. I think about God like electricity, it does what it does, it is my position to have my bacon cooked rather than my ass fried. I have to respect the power of God and align myself to how it works, no secret

[@tomdavis9236]

I love how much more people laugh and are happy, me too, after we figure out that we were brainwashed into believing in the bible god, im 63, i was s believer for over forty years, im so much happier now, most wont believe this but my hair turned from gray back to brown after my deconversion , thats how much weight was lifted off me

[@kimmaree9610]

Timmy, Could I ask what is the significance/ point of swallowing the goldfish? I come from an Aussie AOG background and I have never heard of this before. Feeling bad for the fish

[@DarqueSyde66]

I’m a black man. I have heard that there was some negative reason why I am black but I didn’t know it was because of Cain. Thanks for the lesson! 😂😂😂 Awesome video, sir I’m glad you found your way out. Keep up the good work.

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@DarqueSyde66 I know, right!

[@Plethorality]

It was not because of Cain. There is nothing wrong with being black. I suspect that some white men were just jealous of the beauty of black people. I am white, and white supremacy is a complete oxymoron. Just utterly stupid. The bible does not mention race, but it also never .mentions America. But American churches never let the facts get in the way of their stupid stories and made up religions.

[@tylawrence1638]

Joesph Smith, founder of Mormonism, said that black people's skin color was the result of the mark of Cain and the curse of Ham. Mormon’s used to teach that if black people were really righteous in this life, they could become white people in the afterlife. That last one cracks me up every time. Mormonism is still spreading, like a plague of stupidity. There is somewhere between 500k to one million black Mormons in the world. That church has even spread to Africa. Yes, Africa. You know, to spread the good news that black people can become white in heaven if they are extra good in this life.

[@clarencehammer3556]

Tell us about the very last sermon you preached. I would like to hear some sermon that you and other firmer pastors preached before deconstructing. There is another former Pentecostal preacher who did videos that I used to watch but have not seen for a long time. He may be a friend of yours -Jeffrey Daughtery

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@clarencehammer3556 i think there are some old videos from when I was a preacher on KZbin. Name sounds a little familiar … I’ll look him up.

[@yapkoonrex816]

Hi Timmy, I am from Malaysia. Do you know if there is a after life when we die, do you think that we have a soul? Thank you

[@Tracey..H]

The roughest thing about my faith is not being allowed to be human and the hell doctrine. But… my encounters with God and demons, keep me believing. It get ya. But I’ll stay on that narrow road.

[@gullettr1]

Pastors hit people with the rapture like used car salesmen.

[@timkellerman4890]

Appreciate your honesty and, even courage. Luckily I saw the light at about 12 yoa. I was a defiant little shit being in a fairly devout catholic family. I became the black sheep in my family immediately. But I held onto my conviction and secular humanist outlook; even though I attended both gradeschool and high-school in a catholic school. was definitely the deviant child in the nuns' and priest's eyes. To be honest, I did receive a more than decent education. Evolution was accepted and taught and the sciences were embraced. This was in late fifties that I began the first grade. Regardless, the nuns were horrible people; sanctimonious pious you-know-whats 8 out of 10. My question to you is regarding your education and outlook. Do you feel cheated in that your church sort of amputated this aspect of your maturing in your life experience? How much you missed out on. Did you in your deconstruction/reconstruction feel you were left behind or that you had to scramble and make up for lost time/experiences? In any event, congratulations on your awakening and fresh perspectives you bring to those who are agonizing presently with their deconstruction/reconstruction. Unfortunately I am somewhat a combatative agnostic atheist as I was consistently arguing my secularism at a pretty young age and had to fight this in a cult environment, catholic family and all my schooling life. Cheers.

[@timmygibsonkc]

That's awesome! I wish I could've followed my gut early on, but I also appreciate my past, it gives me a lot to talk about now. Better late than never I suppose :)

[@TunziSNORT]

YOU ARE EXTREMELY INTERESTING AND FUN TO LISTEN TO. TELL US WHAT ARE VIEWS ON WOMEN? THANKS TIMMY

[@kimberlyburns7246]

Oh I love that you can make me laugh. I am a non practicing Catholic, and I lived in North Carolina, and I went to a doctor’s office for an appointment. The medical assistant asked the normal yes or no questions… do you feel safe in your home, on a scale of 1-10 how much pain are you in yada yada yada then she asked do you accept the lord our savior and are you saved. I looked at her Lady, I am Catholic… she said ooohhh and ran out of the room

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@kimberlyburns7246 lmao! Too funny Kimberly! By the way my sister’s name is Kimberle, God rest her soul! 😜

[@lifewithklc]

@@timmygibsonkcadding me also being a Kimberly to the convo😊.

[@tylawrence1638]

When I was growing up in the Church of God, I was taught that all Catholics will burn in hell for all eternity. I was 8 or 9 years old when I asked about Mother Teresa. Yes, she’s burning in hell too. And just FYI: not all Evangelicals understand that Catholicism is a denomination of Christianity. And I mean that literally. I once had a conversation with a co-worker that was a Baptist woman in her mid 30’s. She went to church and bible study every week. She was talking about the history of the bible, but instead of saying Jews, she kept saying Catholic. At first, I just assumed she had misspoken and I didn’t bother to correct her, but as she kept talking, I realized that she believed Catholics were Jews! Or should I say: that Jews are actually Catholic? I’m not sure how to properly articulate that level of stupidity. But apparently Catholics don’t believe in Christ. Also, that’s not the only time I’ve spoke with an Evangelical that didn’t realize Catholicism was a form of Christianity.

[@winros]

This is my story... This is my song praising my blank all the day long.

[@amberwatermelon9808]

I said it before and ill say it again, i am so grateful for you sharing your story. Honestly I have trouble with hour long videos of somebody sharing their story (pretty sure i have adhd) but I checked the time at one point and was shocked to see it had been 27 minutes - i thought 13 lol! I'm more of a new age spiritualist (the old agnostic/athiest amber would think i'm a whackjob now haha), but one thing I heard before is that the destination of "god" is the same no matter which path you take - buddhism, christianity, etc etc. To me, god is more like the universe itself and being a source of energy (the divine source), when we die our souls go back to the source, and hell/heaven are more states of mind on earth (some i know look at me like i need to be on meds when i say that). I see god as being more like a loving parent, in the way that once you have a kid you can't control their actions, but i often still struggle with faith when it comes to the chaos in the world and in my own personal life. That said, before I became spiritual I decided to live in a way like, "if there was a god, I think they would want us to look out for eachother", and to "not be an a$$hole, and if i am, try to learn from it and be better tomorrow". Somebody I know often criticizes the churches and their lack of action to help the homeless and says, "if jesus was alive he wouldn't be in the church - he would be with the poor, the homeless, the broken". I don't believe in jesus as being some spiritual divine being, and tbh i don't even know if that's true, but it's something i've tried to adapt in my own life. This is super long, but to try wrap it up, I don't care if somebody is athiest, agnostic, christian, catholic, etc. Personally, I align with the new age style but I also like taking in ideas/inspiration from other sources like aspects of buddhism. I know some who say they feel more rejuvenated in nature, or by water. I'm curious - when did you get your tattoos (I love them!) and were they allowed while you were a pastor? Also, if you're open to learning about new avenues of spirituality, have you considered going to a pow wow, or a sweat? I can't point you in any sort of direction for a sweat, but a lot of pow wows are open to everybody whether you're indigenous or not.

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@amberwatermelon9808 I love your perspective. Sounds like many of my friends honestly. At the end of the day what I believe about all this stuff, I.e. after life, consciousness, god, etc. is just my perspective. I know that the Bible god isn’t real, but maybe there is something out there. Let’s be honest, who really knows? Maybe those who have passed, but no one here on earth currently really knows.

[@pacattack6772]

how do you feel/respond when people from your congregation reach out and try to rope you back in? how were you able to cut ties emotionally with the church or were you able to maintain friendships in a healthy way ?

[@timmygibsonkc]

For the most part it was pretty easy. I mean it was hurtful for sure. But the people in the church weren't my personal close dear friends. I held on to many of my friendships. And some did try to reel me back in, but that was just an impossible task. It's been a journey for sure.

[@ColorsFlight]

if I had to live without cofee, I wouldn't want to live on earth anymore, lol.

[@jslasherX]

I think the book Timmy is talking about is, "The Hour That Changes the World," by Dick Eastman. I remember the facilitator of the campus ministry I was part of in the mid 80s encouraged everybody to read through it.

[@whatistruth2810]

Matthew 26:46 “Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.”

[@tammiebrown8317]

Wow, so this is still fairly new for you!

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@tammiebrown8317 Yes-ish … last 6 years… but the final decision to walk away was 2018-2020 … but 2020 is where I admitted it 😂

[@tammiebrown8317]

@@timmygibsonkc oh ok! I guess I only heard 2020. Haha.

[@RonaldDelby]

Please do a video about the Methodist split. When they, my church went global I left and never went back. It reminded me of when blacks could not sit with whites in church and were sectioned off. Other churches feel the same so I do not attend any anymore unless I do it for a friend being I am a musician, but my heart is there no more because of all the bigitory

[@TrojansFirst]

I have a book recommendation for you. Soul Story by Tim Freke. Tim is a philosopher.. The idea behind Soul Story is that God is not something that exists in the beginning but is something we are evolving toward. One of the amazing qualities we have evolved is the ability of our psyche to survive the death of the body. The imagination seems to go on and that's what would explain all of these near death experiences.

[@debolsen3294]

OMG I went to CBC as well, only for one year as I got asked to not come back! LOL I was there in 1983/84.

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@debolsen3294 1989 - 1991

[@rchhtt5210]

I distinctly remembering praying to god as a little girl for god to leave me behind when the rapture happened because I didn’t want all my pets to starve to death if my whole family was taken…

[@TunziSNORT]

Love you Timmy

[@salort2934]

The Bible answer man was my go to apologist for some time but then I noticed that he had all his answers already prepared for every question, he was like the human Christian google.

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@salort2934 the Bible Answer Man is a joke! But I also listened to him faithfully back in the day! 😂

[@ColorsFlight]

yeah I wouldn't be able to live dishonestly like that either. That would be hard.

[@brucee6524]

14:24 wow this part of the story when you were a little kid bawling because you were left behind for the rapture to face the tribulations alone without your parents just got to me. Do you think any of your years of preaching and ministering to that kind of church caused this to happen to one or more of the children in your congregation? (I should probably keep listening to this but I had to stop the feed for a moment to react, sorry.) 59:37 you mention human suffering, especially among innocent children, as the final straw for your faith. You focus on physical suffering such as starving or violence, but what about _your_ suffering that day as a child?

[@jimgillert20]

I deconstructed the legalism. The fundamentalism. The knee jerk judgmentalism for small things. The you have to eat (etc.) Like me things. The infallibility innerrant stuff. Still have honest needs to express gratitude and other traditional faith sentiments. Still taking it one day at a time.

[@ColorsFlight]

Man we had all the same sstomping grounds, lol❤

[@supersawyer358]

I grew up in the charismatic and AG churches. Sorry for what happened mate, i dont ever want to be the reason someone quits church. Ive played the hypocrite and couldnt live like that.

[@lalaland2797]

Your videos rattle my Christian faith a bit, but I appreciate your honesty and storytelling. Hank hannegraff was the Bible answer man. I used to listen to him 10 years ago. I even called in once and asked a question. Man, that guy spoke fast. I’m sorry you had such a traumatic, extreme Christian experience. I wonder if you would still have some level of Christian faith if you were raised in a more balanced Christian denomination or theological understanding. But it’s good that you are able to laugh now at some of the crazy stuff you did and believed. How do you find community now that you don’t have a church community? What’s your advice for people who may have had similar experiences as you, people who were hurt by the church, who need to find a new community of people to do life with? By the way, the 9 million kids dying each year or whatever is truly a tragedy. How do we explain it? How will we ever know why in this life? I love coffee too!

[@brookeelizabethskaggs]

It doesn't sound to me like he has much church hurt at all, actually.

[@tarah.1648]

I lived in a charismatic hyper-religious family home, and I was homeschooled up to the age of 16. It felt like I had lost everything when I left my religious community! It's been hard, but there are more communities out there than you would think. #1 Volunteering has been a huge help. Contributing to the community is a community in and of itself! I joined a fire department as a volunteer lately, and it helps a lot. Having a common goal and purpose is a beautiful thing. #2 I started going to Unitarian Universalist "churches". Everyone gathers (usually on a sunday) to have "sermons" speaking on the good in the world or how to bring more of it into your own world. They encourage and accept people of multiple religions (or atheistic/agnostic) and LGBTQ. They model a church almost exactly but they are very progressive and don't believe in swaying people to any one religion. They celebrate different cultures and what each one brings. I also spent some time at Buddhist temples that also meet on the weekend, that sing mantras and also speak about how to keep gratitude and peace in one's lives. They also welcomed anyone of any religion to be a part of it. I have a few more, but I'll keep it at that for now! I'll try to come back and comment some more haha

[@timmygibsonkc]

I do not want to rattle people's faith, that's definitely not my goal. I am no longer an evangelist for my beliefs, lol! Not looking for converts :) ... It's just my story. I was in an extreme group, clearly. And when I first left I tried to do more of a liberal version of Christianity. I was attending a Methodist church for a while here in KC. I know the pastor personally, and he is a good man, very sincere, kind, caring and a great communicator BUT ... there is still a prevailing message of, "you can only have a good life with God at the center" and that is simply just not true. I mean just look around. I mean seriously, that is absolutely false to say that only "christians" can have a good full life. I know many non-believers who have a wonderful life, and Christians who have absolutely terrible lives. I should do a video on this very subject. Thank you for commenting! And listen, if your faith is working for you, making you a better person, and brings you peace, no reason to leave.

[@amberwatermelon9808]

correct me if i'm wrong, but to me when you say "rattle my christian faith", it sounds like in a good way. like hearing something that's hard to hear, but you're deep down you're greatful for the new outlook. it's not religion related, but one experience that rattled my outlook on life was when my sister was homeless while battling meth addiction. It was extremely difficult for her, and for us (my parents have her kids whom i'm helping raise), but i'm grateful as it opened my eyes to what being homeless is actually like. I can't say i personally understand it, but i empathize a lot more. before i sympathized, but i would still laugh along at jokes and avoid making eye contact if I didn't have money. it wasn't until my sister was venting her frustration about people whispering or avoiding eye contact because they didn't want to see her, that i had my epiphany moment of "homeless people just want to be SEEN". i had to take a hard look at myself, and now whenever i see somebody homeless - ESPECIALLY somebody pushing bags upon bags in a shopping cart - i see my little sister. i give what i can (and offer to buy a sandwich/burger if possible), or at the very least, just say hello and give a friendly smile. If i'm not wearing my dentures ill usually avoid people but for the homeless, i make an exception. funny story - but when my sister was having surgery to remove a spinal abscess (iv meth use related), i seen a man outside the hospital sleeping with a shopping cart beside him. he woke up, and i asked if he wanted something to eat. I sat and talked to him for like an hour while i waited for her to get out of surgery - many topics but he talked about delusions and meth use, so i suggested "have you thought about detox", but i didn't push it. mostly, i just wanted to be that person i had hoped would be there for my sister. afterwards, i had another guy come up to me and ask me who i was and what i was doing there, to which i replied "Oh i'm amber. i'm just waiting for my sister to get out of surgery". his response still makes me laugh to this day... "oh i thought you were a missionary!" LOL. i've never read the bible once, and the church missionaries i seen standing outside the hospital one time were pushing their "can i pray for you?" spiel but i seen a guy in a wheelchair nodding out, and instead of helping they gossiped about him. as soon i seen that, i threw away the bracelet they gave me that i was going to give to my sister.

[@whiskeredtuna]

@lalaland2797, you said the “9 million children dying every year” rattles your faith as well but I honestly don’t think it should. If Christianity is true then those kids don’t cease to exists they just change locations if atheism is true then those kids do cease to exists and they stay dead I can’t think of a universe more disgusting than that. Second, Jesus gives us hope in light of the pain and suffering this world offers. Third, we’re all going outta here one way or another Jesus is the only one who offers us hope in light of that. Fourth, when one talks of pain and suffering they’re suggesting that there is a way things ought to be as if there is something wrong with the world. But there isn’t anything wrong with the world within atheism it just is! That’s why I believe pain, suffering, and evil are harder for atheism to explain than theism. Pain, suffering, and evil are a part of the Christian story however atheists have to explain them in light of random mutations and natural selection.

[@ColorsFlight]

You know me with my weird fringy beliefs lol. But where in the Blible does it say that Adam was the first man? And that the earth was 6,000 years old. In the creation story if you read it really closely it talks about God creating Man Male and female and sending them out to multiply on the earth and then taking one Man into the Garden after all that and that seems like a different scene to me. And then the Bible kinda tracts just that dude and his lineage. Anyway thise ate just my thoughts out here on my own bc I just read it differently than most I guess.

[@VenturaDominique]

Queen instead of Bon Jovi 😂The church that my parents started , played the song „we are the champions“ transformed into „Christ is our champion“ to start Sunday mornings..😂😂…

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@VenturaDominique 😂

[@Nadomajoy]

LOL I remember my pastor also swallowing live goldfish and I can confirm it absolutely brought in crowds of youth those Wednesday nights 😂

[@ColorsFlight]

I don't get the whole idea why Christains would need to constantly do alter calls. That seems odd to me and I think I remember reading somewhere in the OT that God didn't like that. I will have to go back and find that one.

[@kajunheart871]

That’s interesting that you read God didn’t like alter calls. I don’t know why but every Pentecost,Assembly of God Church I ever attended for some reason when there was alter call if you were in need of prayer the Pastor-was calling on “you” it was a pull. The first time I ever left my Episcopalian Church and walked into the doors of a Pentecostal Church, the music started and the Pastor was preaching and doing alter call and somehow he knew exactly what I was going through, I got right up there and had hands laid on me and prayed and felt so new again. There’s no real reason I can think of. Timmy can probably explain it better. It’s a energy,flip side I went to a Creed Concert and when the song “ What’s this life for” I had a ticket to the nosebleed section and somehow crowd surfed my way down to the very front of the stage looking right up at Scott Stapp. I was SURE as I told the Cop he called me down there 😂. Here’s the flip flip side of getting caught up on draft beer at the Cajun Dome thinking the lead singer of Creed is calling you down was me trying to remember where I was sitting and how I was going to get back up there.😜

[@ColorsFlight]

@@kajunheart871 yeah it didn't use those words exactly it was something like He did appreciate the constant wailing on the alter and asking the same thing over and over. I will try to find the verse and post it here when I do.

[@kajunheart871]

@@ColorsFlight Sounds good. Thanks,🌻

[@auntkathy9141]

Oh I remember, Could You Not Tarry One Hour by Larry Lea.

[@ColorsFlight]

So funny you mention Dinosaurs. My little boys love dinosaurs and even though I don't believe in them ( not bc I am Christian but bc there is a lot of questionable stuff going on with all that when you actually look into) but I would never take dinosaurs from my sweet babies. They just love them so much lol. I recently learned the absurd Cain black theory. The Mormons taught that too. It is so ridiculous bc no body of Cains line would have survived the flood as the story goes so that doesn't even make sense.

[@timmygibsonkc]

@@ColorsFlight Absolutely! So true!

[@pacattack6772]

I can't believe I didn't think to come on youtube when I was deconstructing all alone and transferring from a fundamentalist christian college. I think part of me feared typing the words and making it real but seeing something like this would've saved me so much time (and money, I could've not majored in philosophy in order to deconstruct). but i do think doing the research and scouring the bible on your own is part of it - you learn not to trust anyone but yourself in terms of what to believe and so you feel you have to go about the deconstruction process all alone. now I have a B.A. in philosophy from a non-christian institution - useless in the real world because I never intended to become a lawyer, and struggling to find a job, but I don't regret fighting to find peace with my decision to no longer be christian at least. taking classes about the bible from a purely historical perspective was so crucial to solidifying the peace I now have letting go of my fear of God. now I just have normal, regular fear of the future like everyone else, and a college degree that doesn't really make practical sense

[@timmygibsonkc]

It took me a minute to really feel comfortable to talk openly, as my circle of friends were all "Christian". But I kept my close friends for the most part and made new ones. OMG, yes finding other stories of pastor deconstructing was sooooooooo helpful. It wasn't just me seeing the things I was seeing. In the mouth of two or three witnesses let every word be established! :)

[@ColorsFlight]

Swallowing live goldfish??? That's some crazy OA stuff right there.

[@RonaldDelby]

I quit church over the split at the Methodist churches. I see bigotry, hatred and self -righteous folks in all these churches. My church went global and I never went back.

[@jimgillert20]

I do spiritual things too. Secular Christian things. You are not alone.

[@carlosreira2189]

Why would anyone with serious doubts about Christ serve as a pastor? And why should someone listen to somebody who was dead wrong for 30 years? What's to say he's right this time?

[@grimlund]

Ask Kenneth Copeland or Benny Hinn. Do you honestly think that these people believe in the christian God?

[@carlosreira2189]

@@grimlund Men like Copeland are likely sick as well as greedy, Hinn less so, but similar, and they deserve much rebuke, however they do testify rightly to the Son of God in name as well as having many points of the Christian faith correct. I do not defend them, but I point out that Christ came to forgive sinners, not to forgive the righteous!

[@ColorsFlight]

I am from Joplin Mo originally.

[@kajunheart871]

How long ago did you move from Joplin?

[@ColorsFlight]

@@kajunheart871 like 15 years ago I think

[@kajunheart871]

@@ColorsFlight My best friends 2 daughters and son in law were killed on a small airplane there. They were flying with their stepfather and his bus.partner to meet someone. It killed all 5 including the pilot. Hit the side of a house in Joplin. This was in 2001.

[@ColorsFlight]

@@kajunheart871 oh wow yeah I was in HS then. That's wild I never heard about it or maybe I did. That is terrible for your friend such a big loss 💔

[@kajunheart871]

@@ColorsFlight I don’t know how big Joplin is, I assumed it was smaller about the size of the town I live in. If an airplane would crash into a house around here it would be the talk of the town. It was a very sad day for sure, Friday the 13th of all days. I was boarding a plane to go to Vegas to get married and had a couple of problems to work out. Everything worked out as best as it could. July I’ll celebrate my 23rd wedding anniversary and I’m still best friends with the girl. There ya have it 🌻

[@BBronstad309]

Did all this stuff, then became Catholic and 18yrs later I’m not believing any of it!

[@JamieWard-u2h]

Aaah the begining...wait who created god!?!?:: got kicked out with those questions..age 8..42 yrs ago.

[@JamieWard-u2h]

I've talked to amish..was polite..but boy the wool pulled over thier head.

[@JR954]

I heard about black people as sinners from my 10 year old black 7th day Adventist friend. I was appalled! She was thought that crap and not science which would make her proud to be from the original people of the world. Is that why the department of education will disappear?

[@user-kq5qp6dh8l]

My birthday is the 14 th April

[@zarabees2123]

This ex pastor has a beautiful smile if only he knows this .

[@UnknownMale565]

age 59. Church of God of Prophecy.

[@jaysonjacob2891]

Rhema Bible Training Center...Kenneth Hagin

[@ColorsFlight]

I just want to say I think we just find you interesting and enjoy your perspective on thongs, imo. ❤

[@totonow6955]

59:10. The children of Gaza, paid for by US taxes, suffering...

[@jcr65566]

People leave because they can't talk to God. What people don't know is that God only talks to people in their dreams

[@Trobynski]

I think God saved you from this crazytown. 😂 ironically

[@jahkarl7376]

I hope you really come to know who Satan is and why Jesus came to deal with his lying deceiving evil.

[@kimmaree9610]

Timmy, Could I ask what is the significance/ point of swallowing the goldfish? I come from an Aussie AOG background and I have never heard of this before. Feeling bad for the fish