The S Word and The End - Finally EP20

Tough talks but this is needed sometimes and hope it makes even a couple of you feel a little less alone. Remember this was recorded last year so things have moved on and tbh I was reluctant to post this chat but I think it still needs to be said. Manifestation is real so do what you can to lean to the positive.
Thank you all for sticking with this until the end and my apologies for not always being swift with the uploads! Thank you to everyone who bought stickers and fuel, it was a HUGE help. Right - now we can finally get back to faffing on superbikes ;)
Permission to Torque is a Mental Health movement set up to show others that you "get it" by displaying a discrete symbol for others to take comfort in. Its not about sitting around in a circle feeling sorry for yourself, its about shared experience and getting out there to find out what makes us happy - this is the aim of my trip and why I am sharing it on KZbin, the good days and the inevitable bad ones too.
I hope you enjoy the journey with me and find it at least vaguely useful! :)
Stickers and more info on the P2T website here:
p2t.uk/
I highly recommend the Lone Rider kit:
Lone Rider Gear (Affiliate link):
www.lonerider-...
BeMoto Story here:
www.bemoto.uk/...
Instagram Walking Channel:
/ rebootchristopher
Ultimate Addons (Discount code):
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RWR3PZQYBTRXJUTO

[@BaronVonGrumble]

Thank you ALL for sticking with this series, I know its been a long time to the end but we made it! Thank you to EVERYONE who commented, liked and bought stickers and fuel - especially the guy who bought about 10 tanks full and wishes to remain anonymous - incredible. I'm going to sneak this last episode out and those who are interested, great, if you are not that's totally fine, just please perhaps have a little grace for those who really need to hear this. Much Thankings and lets get back to faffing on superbikes! p2t.uk/ for stickers before they run out if you are interested.

[@flamintasty]

That was a great trip 😊

[@sharky09000]

Maybe life has put you through your experiences so that you can help others via your biking soapbox, either way talking about stuff helps to unload the mental baggage, you've helped me👍 Sending positive thoughts & love your way m8❤

[@Harnosharn]

Thanks Chris 😊 it's helped me through some uncertain times .. and made me laugh / think about my own thoughts particularly this video actually .

[@dannymac4428]

First few minutes in and I can completely relate and now understand where I've been going wrong for many years. Thank you Chris!

[@triedproven9908]

You've done a marvelous thing. You threw your happy place all over your depression to try to atleast balance it out. You took us on the journey with you physically and mentally with keen insight. Then you end it with the fight continues. Most of us who've been in that place and come out the other side physically intact know that the mental scars take a good while longer to heal. It was a good showing, and you're a courageous man to share non idealic head space. Thank you.

[@Gaby83]

Only had it once, back in 2009 during the "Financial crisis", lost my job and had a 4 months old baby boy, no money whatsoever, looking inside the can of formula, only had for 2 more hours to feed the boy, but no more money to buy more. I was looking at the open window thinking "That would take care of all my problems, I can just jump and be done with it", but also looked at my sleeping wife and son and decided against it . I called my brother and asked to borrow some money and I guess all the bad thoughts just went away and focused on how can I get back up on my feet. Cheers! never said this to anybody before. 🙂

[@raymondlyle663]

You’re a brave man. It takes a lot to talk about suicide and you never know who you could help. Well done you.

[@MaxUtley]

What has Baron got to be depressed about - never seen the round end of an AK47 or lived in poverty

[@mrmando69]

​@RupertUtley That's a really narrow minded comment.

[@keyop1970]

​@@MaxUtleyHaving to share the planet with people like you, maybe? 🤔

[@ninjakat4815]

Its been an awesome journey Baron, your voice, sense of humour and biking have got me through a rough couple of years. My journey is about to end. I gave my bike away a week ago. Weakness means I can no longer ride and seeing the bike sitting outside was getting me down so I gave the bike to someone I know will enjoy it and maintain it. Cancer has won the day and all I have now are the vlogs of a few that have come to mean something to. Thanks for your vlogs/thoughts /observations. Don't stop being you brother. Peace and love always

[@franklinwilkerson2061]

Well I'm sorry to read your words having lost two dear friends to cancer but if it means anything I'd just like to say that it's been proven to me many times in life that there is more to our existence than meets the eye. There is a bigger picture than just our silly little lives in our silly little bodies. No one knows what happens when we die but rest assured our conscious spirit is part of something much bigger than ourselves. Whatever happens after this particular life ends is irrelevant. It's been happening like this since forever and it's greater than you and I.

[@steve21332]

@@franklinwilkerson2061 absolutely....I couldn't have put it any better

[@McVerne]

@@franklinwilkerson2061 This exactly!

[@johnmarks1607]

My life is immeasurably better for having you around Chris. I look forward to these videos and I know you’re helping a lot of other people as well

[@FEARY888]

If I'm honest this caught me off gaurd...im literally think that way right now and retracting from everyone right now. Find faults in friendships, etc, and moving away from them...not necessarily for the S word but to look after myself only. And in my head complaining no one is looking for me when I'm pushing them away...part of me thinks fuck them but this has made me think I'm causing my own issues...thanks for the perspective

[@jakepocock1616]

I've been struggling with my mental health for longer than I probably should've. I've considered suicide multiple times, but never gone through with it because tbh, the Mrs and dogs need me. I'm now in the position where I dont care about living, but I don't wanna die and leave those behind. Needing help doesn't make you a failure and despite every fibre of my being fighting it, I'm getting help. Thank you for this whole series BVG.

[@johnsumser9743]

The first thing I want to say is that I missed you and worried about you. My brother killed himself ten years ago or so and hundreds of people went to his memorial service on very short notice: I think we have little idea of the roles we play in the lives of others. The other thing I want to say is that, having been massively depressed at one point in my life, there is a certain romantic quality to depression -- it makes everything more dramatic, we become tragic heroes in our tales of failure; depression is seductive and happiness can be dismissed as trivial. We can know how silly all that is and still get trapped by it.

[@matthewkirkpatrick5545]

I dont kiss ass. But what you wrote makes so much sense. I love to wallow in depression and that's my crown. It's rediculous tbh. Thanks for the reality check!

[@maxevans9688]

incredibly wise perspective

[@King_Harrold]

In 2019, I never wanted to end it, but I wanted the noise to stop. I went up to the peak District just to be alone . It gave me time to think and realise what was worth carrying on for. There's a lot of pressure on me: to provide, to protect, to present this image.

[@NickyLong89]

I don’t think there’s enough said about people who spend their entire life slogging their bollocks off just to provide for others. Although it does give you a purpose and a driving force to carry on.

[@APtS_Gh0stHunt3R]

Stay Strong my friend... you got alot to live for...

[@dozer877]

Loved the series, if you ever fancy doing Ireland I’ll provide accommodation along the north coast, it’s hard to hear someone like yourself talk about suicide as you would be severely missed and your presence has impacted a lot of people in such a good way. Keep talking ❤

[@DrummerOnTwoWheels]

Binged watched the entire series in 3 days. Amazing watch, thank you, Chris, your sense of humour and love of motorcycling makes this channel, from the solo GSX-R tour all those years ago to this, aching for the next one. :) Can I just point out the fact that people would have seen a fully grown man sucking off a Bratwurst in a car park whilst riding a bike, made me belly laugh.

[@JHPMedicalUK]

Excellent work Chris raising awareness of mental health issues! It's OK TO BE NOT OK.

[@neevesybikes]

Enjoyed every one of these videos, mate. Thanks for sharing all of your experiences 😊

[@BaronVonGrumble]

Cheers buddy! You are welcome to take her for a spin sometime :)

[@shanebell4733]

Hi Chris i dont ever wright on people's stuff I watch and listen to. So all I have to say is keep doing what your doing you have helped me no end thanks a million 👍

[@RufusVIP]

Thankyou. I came for the riding, but stayed for the thoughts. I actually started in the middle, almost finished, went back to the start, caught up, then found the finish. Thankyou for making this art, cos it is that. Well done, it hit this me where it was needed.

[@deadlockvlogs]

I'll be brutally honest - it's been a LONG time since I watched any of your videos but this one intrigued me and I'm genuinely glad I sat through 25 minutes of your grumpiness 😉 Joking aside, you should be proud of yourself for addressing the issue of suicide and for speaking so frankly about your own thoughts and feelings. Top man. Right, I'm off to watch your Ducati video and then ignore you for another 4 years 😉

[@MarkJYule]

Had ideation since i was a young teen, never attempted "S" but I have planned and come close to carrying it through more than once. If I'm really honest, i think its what first made me get into bikes - the thinking being that it'll happen and my family wouldn't blame me for ending myself on purpose. To those who poo poo depression - im jealous that youve never experienced your own brain derailing your life. I pushed my friends away at Uni' then spent 3 years living in my house like a hermit. Came back and ten years later did the same thing again. I now have a wife, 2 kids - when we had them i thought i was through with the snakes and ladders but it happened again and i felt even worse that i was wanting to end it whilst my youngest was only 4 - the closest ive cone to doing it tbh. Ive finally went "fuck it" and i can openly say my mind sometimes has a faulty plug/firing order 🤷‍♂️ To anyone struggling, dont hide it, yiur family and friends need you, love you and probably dont realise you are struggling. Asking for help isnt weakness ❤️ Thank you BVG for your honesty and openness 🥰

[@NWSTRX850]

Having enjoyed a similar mind set for years I appreciate your honesty. I can only add this world is a shit stick of misery and disappointment but other parts of the world are even worst. Enjoy what we all have and remember there are just not answers to anything, it’s all pointless (unless you’re religious 🤔)

[@NWSTRX850]

You rock but you beat yourself up way too much. Life’s shit, it always will be it’s just the way it is. Dodge it the best you can 😊

[@JohnJay1745]

Last year, I had a massive widow-maker heart attack and had cardiac arrest 12 times where my heart stopped, I was unconscious, and not breathing. That meets some medical definitions of death. In my experience, death was tranquil, peaceful, and painless. Being brought back to life was the exact opposite; very painful, disorienting, and stressful. When I was dead that buzz in my head went away and I was perfectly relaxed. Due to that experience, I don't fear death at all. It's obvious to me that all the pain is in this life. That said, I cherish the time I have left because this is my only opportunity to live and I know I will eventually die. I'm going to enjoy every second I have left, and then I will embrace death's tranquility. Thank you for discussing openly your mental health issues. I am glad you are here, and I wish you all the best. Enjoy!

[@5tevieb954]

Be great if you did more of this … 44T is good but you can’t beat pure Baron

[@ktmkevin]

Thanks for this series Chris. Been struggling with mental health for a while now and many of your ramblings feel familiar, comforting. And then actually last week a close colleague of mine took his own life after years of depression which hit me very hard, and now this episode. Just, you know.. thanks.

[@unenthusiast]

I couldn't do it. My Mum would kill me.

[@PhilTonic]

Bicycles are the dutch main cultural thing. Babies get born there together with a bicycle. No placenta in the Netherlands, just a cruiser bicycle attached to the umbilical cord that flops out after the baby is born.

[@essexboydave]

I’ve become a recluse over time but to be honest I feel it’s only helped me I found moving away from friends and family was the best way to limit stress and negativity the wife and the dog is all I need I keep myself busy in the garage and helps to block out the crappy world nonsense that gets you down every day

[@flamintasty]

Hey Baron, thank you for documenting your adventure. You’re a lot braver than me, I can’t open up about my issues. Which is why I smoked so much weed, just to get away from myself and not have to think about it.

[@eagle_and_the_dragon]

My Dad introduced me to 44Teeth- He was a keen rider, and had been for many years- and I had stumbled onto BVG not long after he was killed. Your content, and the latest BBB-Bavaria, has been a pleasant way of reminding myself of nicer times. Thanks Grumbly-one; please continue to do independant content- I've really-rather enjoyed watcing your schizo rides through London (old content now, I know). Kind regards, Whatever my KZbin name is supposed to be.

[@gpracer270]

I can relate to EVERYTHING you said,,,,,, you are not alone!

[@richardeaton1544]

I can relate to a lot of that having just come back from a 3 week, 3,000 miles, 10 country solo moto camping myself. Even down to the flashes of speed cameras just 30 minutes from Calais and the totally empty Eurotunnel! It's been a great series and like you, I found that having a helmet cam (yet to be edited and published) and talking to that as though it was others meant I rarely felt by myself bizarrely.

[@lewis505]

Great video, weird how we all suffer the same in our community but think its impossible anyone else thinking the same. thanks for making this!

[@robs715]

This video couldn't have come at a more interesting time for me. I'm sat here packing up all my stuff in tears about to leave my family home with nowhere to go. Part of me wants to rage and smash everything to oblivion and part of me wants to do far worse. Why is nothing ever simple?

[@Feintgames]

Things always turn around. The only constant in life is change. Just enable that change into your favor or wait and see. Try to make good decisions and don't make decisions when you're feeling horrible. Good luck.

[@robs715]

@@Feintgames yeah you're exactly right. Just got to keep holding on long enough and eventually things get better. I know this, doesn't make things any easier though!

[@simonhenry4680]

Having been in the same position 4yrs ago, life has a funny way of getting better. You quickly find out who your proper friends are and who will be with you in your future.

[@sloht4061]

Hey Chris, thankyou for the entire series and honestly, thankyou for everything you've shared throughout the entirety of this series. All the lows, and the lower lows and then some middle highs and more lows. In all honesty though, would happily watch another 20 episodes of you doing the same thing. I've seen every video you've put out, from the drives to London and your original trip with your friend who crashed into you at the French border. Hope you're doing ok and everything going well and i'm looking forward to your next adventure. Love you man.

[@krakrikro]

Hey Chris, I just came back from my trip this year. It was planned to be a tour around Germany together with my father. But then his bike got stolen a week before we wanted to start and I was left with the decision to go on my own or stay at home as well. Well I decided to leave and went from northeast Germany all the way across France into the Pyrenees, 5.400 km in 9 days. And just like you I've been scared to leave on my own but got so used to it and startet to enjoy sooo much, it was fanfreakingtastic. And, in the last couple of weeks my mental health went spiraling downwards. I was looking so much forward to the trip with my father, that I've been devastated, when he told me he can't come with me. Now I am glad I went on this epic trip. And I wrote a diary every evening and both, riding and writing, reflecting the day, helped so much, that I came back stronger than I've ever been through the last years. And I had to think about you and your trip as well and smiled into my helmet, because I was having kind of the same experience. So all the best to you, and thank you for your honest words and taking all of us with you together on your journey!

[@brokenlegz]

Yeah I’ve always thought “oh well if it gets too bad or too hard there’s always suicide” kind of like saying to myself, it’s obviously not that bad because suicide is the worse option.

[@motomark7671]

Thoroughly enjoyed the full series, I look forward to the next one! Amazing trip high and low! 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

[@saintetienne755]

No matter what, when i see you post I click on immediately. You were my first subscription and the one I follow more than any other. You've no idea how much you help me

[@Hinch55]

"...I don't know why you're still watching this bullshit." Hits Like button immediately.

[@DaddyBiker_Reviews]

Brave guy. Life is really difficult... everyone has struggles some greater than others but... to you your problems may be catastrophic for you. A great place to go is Andy's Man Club... It saved me and has done for many others.

[@markjenkins905]

Everything you said rings very true to me, too. As you said, you're no expert, but everything you said makes common sense. Just keep thinking good thoughts & good things will happen......

[@SigmaJAD]

I've experienced 4 debilitating depression episodes in 10 years. Thought about suicide and escaping my desperation ONCE. If it wasn't for my wife?

[@DeanoOBannon]

Fantastic series. Easily the best vlog I've ever seen on youtube. Thanks for your generous work Chris. Riding through the Balkans is on my bucket list now. & that's problematic because I'm Australian & I swore I'd never fly to Europe again after the last trip.

[@erikolivo-pb4sz]

Playing this on the background whilst I do some extra Saturday work… ended up relating far too much, I think I’ll stop working shortly and connect with my partner and friends I still have. Thanks mate 👍

[@mikecain565]

Chris, Have loved this series, Its been a great watch, A time to reflect and just do something that you want to do, The last episode, Is very thought provoking, Can relate to it, Shutting out people who are close to you, I call it my tortoise mode, Go back into my shell and when i peek out, Hopefully things will be better, Maybe one day they will,,,, Thanks once again for a great show,

[@mrfiftyfifty9974]

Thanks for uploading this adventure, hope after this year you’re in a better place, you’ve given me inspiration to do something similar, just need to motivate myself to actually do it. One question if I may, did you ever find out your ticking noise from the bike? Many thanks

[@samdutton3274]

I've watched this whole series a couple times. Just for my own sanity and realising that there's so much more to life than 4 walls, a job. That we are lucky to live how we live and have somewhat freedom compared to some countries that are less fortunate. Also, you can get fucked if you'd get me on any of them rides, let alone that big fuck off one you went on. FUCK THAT. Keep smashing it mate!

[@SimonCrapo]

Long Comment - I have been a long-time subscriber. Your videos from 12 years ago when you vlogged, sucked me in. Because of them, I bought a sports bike and I LOVED life. I gave a shot at creating a vlog of my own, but I do not have the gift of gab, and the videos were shit. I just spent the last day watching this entire series. I work from home and have the benefit of being able to have your videos on, while I work and it has been a treat. It has been 5+ years since I have watched your content and I am so glad that I thought to search you up again on KZbin. First off, thank you for creating fantastic content. I know it is a ton of work, so thank you. I miss your old vlogs. I truly looked forward to them, but I am happy that I found your channel again and have been able to enjoy this trip "with you". Second, thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing your challenges and not sugarcoating things. You make it so that it is easy to connect and understand, and you say what we are all thinking. There were many moments during this series that I can't help to laugh. Especially when you forget to do up your chin strap, or if you go around your hotel 5 times trying to find the entrance. I personally do not suffer from anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts, however, my wife does and it has opened my mind and made me more understanding of the seriousness that your thoughts can have and how it can affect every aspect of your life. My oldest boy also suffers from anxiety, and although I don't truly understand it, I appreciate you talking about it and bringing more light to the subject so others can understand and learn to be compassionate to those who have to work through it each day. Before I met my wife and someone told me they had anxiety, my thoughts were "don't think about it" or "you are fine" because I didn't realize how impactful thoughts were. I didn't understand that anxiety is truly such a hardship for some people and they don't have control of their thoughts. I am still learning how to be patient with those around me that have it. I want to be brave and go on a trip like this. I would love to do it with my brother, and my wife and share the experience like you have said, but there is also the side of me that wants to do this alone. I want to be stuck in my own thoughts and really get to know myself while on my motorcycle. I think that riding a motorcycle is the best way for me to clear my mind and really think about my life and the shit I need to get done to get my life where I want it. I have never done a trip out of fear. This has inspired me to do the things that you are afraid of. I am based in the U.S. and there is so much to explore! Thank you again for creating your channel. Thank you for sharing this with us. Thank you for being open. Thank you for being you. Please do not stop making content. Please do not stop sharing your life with us even if you feel it has all gone to shit, because I think you have a huge community of people that it helps to hear those things and we want to support you. Thank you!

[@matthewcoleman8267]

I was thinking the other day how long it had been since the last episode. I've thoroughly enjoyed sharing the journey with you and always appreciate the topics you talk about

[@electrolinks]

Whats the consequence of getting flashed by 2 speed cameras in the Netherlands, Belgium or France post-brexit?

[@RichardHMorris]

I’ve enjoyed watching the series albeit on the TV apps which don’t allow interaction quite as easily. Good to see you opening up and sharing the highs and lows too; sadly that’s a brave thing to do in an era of toxic masculinity. It’s made me want to visit Croatia and indeed see Sarajevo. It’s also made me realise that even with my fierce independence a trip that long is best shared with a mate or better still a partner. I’m giving up our place in the Canary Islands to free up our Brexit 90/180 so I could go ahead and book our Eurothrash 2024 from Spain via France into Switzerland and Luxembourg back to the Chunnel with my wife on a new RT. So thanks for the vicarious travel thrills!

[@SteveBrigden]

Late to this, and have just binge-watched it all over the last few days. Nice one Chris. Good for you, and good for you for doing it, and for sharing so much of your personal journey too. It was a compelling watch. Planning a (smaller) tour myself now later in the year. ❤

[@stephenalbert856]

Good on you for bringing this out into the light. I think you are correct that we all consider it.

[@paulmatthews9366]

Id just add if you are predisposed to this way of thinking (as i am) you can make things a lot worse or bring on an episode if you do the following things......stress....poor sleep...poor diet....doom scrolling....low vitamin D.... lack of exercise/ time outdoors. If you're feeling low how many of those things are you doing ? If you stopped / limit a couple it might bring you back from the brink. I've been feeling low just this week.... I've been stressed at work... that's affected my sleep... that's affected my diet (craving sugar and junk)...because I'm tired i don't want to exercise and so the cycle begins. I know what i need to do to push through.... just need to do it. Just stop doing things that make it worse... ride it out and things will improve.

[@nikcodling]

Why the f are we watching this, you might ask? Well do you know what, I was really chuffed to see this pop up in my subscriptions list. Thank you for making me feel like I’m a bit less of a weirdo, or perhaps I’m still a weirdo but there are others out there like me. Good on you for being brave enough to do this. Also, as a fellow GS w***er it’s great to hear the bwaaa bwaaaa BWAAAAA of the flat twin. More of the same please Chrissy, wuv woo!

[@ianross225]

Chris, I’ve just dabbled in your trip but a place to visit (and apologies if you did and I missed it) is Slovenia. We go a lot and my entire metabolism seems to slow to a gentle pace. Hope to do a Balkans trip next year. Good luck with the 916!

[@oumakavoula]

naively I thought you were gonna scream SHIT at some point 🤣 thanks for uploading this whole series it was very enjoyable and comforting

[@sullybiker6520]

Been watching you since I got back into bikes in 2015. This was wonderful, Chris.

[@timrodierides]

The first 5 minutes is basically what I do as well. Always think about it as a mental excuse/get-out for stuff. Great video and well done for sharing, I bet the YT algorithm will LOVE it too 😒

[@OtisENGINEuity]

First time I ever wished I had never been born I was 7 years old having just gotten in a fight with my second grade teacher that didn't even know how to spell properly and could barely write.. (welcome to Guam) After throwing my chair at him, chairs from under other kids, and knocking my desk over I grabbed my stuff and went to leave. As I was walking across school I went from insanely pissed to depressed and that's when it happened.. Unfortunately that swing has stayed with me my entire life. The highs are high but the valley on the other side of the peak is incredibly low and the sides of the mountain are completely sheer, but of course you're going to hit every ledge on the way down, and just when you think you've found solid ground and are ready to start climbing back up, it'll give way and drop you even lower and hurt you even more. On 10/21 I'll be 38, and I still struggle with it on a regular basis. Having grown up autistic without knowing I was until 30 didn't help any, definitely hasn't led to me having anyone around that can help me feel better or offer a temporary physical distraction.. in fact I've never been out on a proper date or had sex.. I've lived on the hope that "someday" things'll change for the better, but so far the Irish luck is holding strong and the idea of hope and "someday" has seemed to turn into a curse. I'm often told I look like I'm ready to cry at any time, and honestly I pretty much am.. It's so hard to walk through life being disabled to the point of not knowing how to get any of the things a normal adult can.. but not so much that you don't know what you're missing out on. That's the curse of being "high functioning" autistic.. You see everything you are missing out on but have no clue at all of how to fix it.. and you're cursed to constantly sit and think every waking moment of the day until you finally pass out into really crappy sleep that never seems to actually rejuvenate you. Chris, not to make light of your issues, but always remember that it could be so much worse.. You've still got a fully functioning body and despite your often pompus/douchey attitude, people still like you (for some reason) and still want you. Though that's likely a self defense mechanism.. I know a woman like that that always acts like she's the biggest and baddest person on Earth to try to hide how insecure she actually is.. It's a common thing that really boisterous people are just trying to hide their demons.. I mean look at Robin Williams. Doesn't keep even me from watching you for all these years though.. you have your moments. Honestly, listening to you, I wouldn't be surprised if you found out that you're an undiagnosed autistic person too.. Hey, so long as the tent is big enough that no one can see you rubbing one out.. you're good. :P You're not the only one that's not a festival type person.. I could never been in a crowd of that many people in a place I had never been before.. I'd get lost and I'd constantly be worrying about what people were thinking... I fear being judged really bad. And then as for your issue with looking at younger women.. I definitely get that. Being almost 38 yet so inexperienced, I struggle all the time with looking at women that I find attractive that are WAY younger than me but I have absolutely no clue just how much younger.. They could be 15, they could be 25.. I have no clue.. I'm the worst judge of age ever. And then on the flip side I know that I definitely don't look 38 and I feel like I don't sound 38 when I stammer through conversations, especially with the opposite sex, and then I end up feeling really stupid and like a little kid with a crush on an adult and then I stop being able to talk at all after I start stuttering. Add to that that half the time anymore you don't know if that "cute chick" you're looking at is actually a chick and doesn't have something dangling between "her" legs that you don't want.. This modern world definitely isn't autistic adult friendly.

[@seancaceres619]

And why does suicide always portray a self pitying, wallowing, low self-esteem wretch? This isn't true, it is a distorted, hyperbolic view of true selflessness. For some reason, as the ages passed over the Samurai suicide has become Taboo. Seppuku was considered a brave act of a warrior refusing to be captured by the enemy, a brave act of criminal accused and convicted of crimes against his/her society, as a statement of protest (Tiananmen square) though this was committed by a Buddhist) and finally over the grief of a dead clan leader. Too many people pass judgement and cast shame onto people that commit suicide more due to religious beliefs and affiliations rather than actually looking at the circumstance. The brain is a pattern recognition biological machine, so of course one would think that " your perception is your reality" but fail to see how external echo chambers will literally Box (punch) the brain into a straight jacket with no place left to go. For those of us who will never be Kings (Kings being a gender neutral title) we are destined to live a life of servitude with a 99.999% chance of never seeing our full potentia,l and with that, failing to see the point of burning up just to remake ourselves for the thousandth time committing Suicide isn't shameful in or through the eyes of the beholder, it is an honorable and logical response to circumstance. People say there's no reason to commit suicide and in reality, you have no reason to commit suicide, there are many reasons for others to commit suicide. Suicide is a deeply private issue like religion and should be kept to ones self. Finally, the ones that mean it do it and there reasons are there own and the penultimate act of free will and should not be chastised for doing so. IT'S NOT TOUR BUSINESS.

[@glennturnbull8568]

Chris, thank you! If not every day, but certainly every week or more I feel exactly the same. Oh sod it, I’m a loser, I’ll just go and shoot myself. Never go any further, but it’s always a worry that maybe one day…. And you’re long time dead, so we all know it isn’t really the solution, but….

[@JockBiker]

Riding a bike keeps me alive. It’s the best release. Brilliant you’re discussing this sensitive topic.

[@ErikLosLobos]

The book Steppenwolf deals with this subject. Good brain food on this topic. House in Bosnia maybe not the smartest investment right now :/

[@timparsons8515]

Excellent Chris. I'm lucky not to deal with these demons but am fully on boars with folk talking out loud about their issues...surely it can only help?

[@goodday126]

Bro is your primary love language physical touch? That can be a tough one. Finding partners and friends who reciprocate on that channel basically requires you to screen for that attribute, and to filter them in. The problem is that physical touch people usually won't find plutonic, healthy friendships that include a lot of embrace. I'm not a psychiatrist. I recommend talking to yours about that.

[@SteezyG]

I've only just started the video but it's a popular subject unaliving yourself ( I use that word to not be censored). in philosophy. It's only question worth asking yourself in life, should I unalive myself or drink a cup of coffee? If having a cup of coffee is a blasé return to the quotidian, then that’s just not good enough. However, if one embraces the coffee as an affirmation that life is worth living, then choose your espresso and leap into the day. My favourite part of the morning is breakfast and a shower. It's honestly the best thing and getting up in the morning to food and drink I love is the best. Make your breakfast something to look forward to and if you ever have those thoughts, just think, you'll miss breakfast tomorrow and it honestly makes me laugh at how absurd it is to think that, it brings me back to reality.

[@gregmather1702]

Brilliant mini series mate. Inspiring and thought provoking. Cheers marra

[@segapc1994]

Wow, what a journey. Physical and emotional. Maybe even a little spiritual x love you bro.

[@eMotion_Video_UK]

I’m not too good at explaining things on social media so I hope this comes across ok. I also need to make it quick as I’m just going to bed for my night shift as a truck driver. But anyway I relate to the withdrawal from people and the suicidal thoughts. The suicidal thoughts are something that everyone experiences and is perfectly normal. This is advice I got from a professional. I had told them that I’d been thinking like this for many years. The thing is with this, is that if you don’t maintain your mental health on a regular basis, it’s like not brushing your teeth, they will rot. So look for methods to keep yourself healthy mentally. I did not seek this help for many years and needlessly suffered, but when I did I realised that it’s not rocket science. But unfortunately the reason why I had to seek help was because of my job, I experienced two suicides during Co-vid. The first was like nothing else anyone could ever imagine. And all I could think was what where they thinking just before they did that. And if only I could have been there to stop them. For the next ten months I lived in fear and bewilderment as to why. Then the second happened. This time I was there to help but unfortunately failed. As you can imagine my whole being was shot due to the trauma. This is when I started to get the panic attacks. Then I started to understand just how they did it. I know this sounds dramatic, but it’s the only way I can think to try to explain what it’s like to be truly suicidal. It’s not something you decide to do. It’s something that you are literally driven by with such an intense fear that nothing will stop you, because you have to get away. It comes from with in the central nervous system that is naturally there to protect us. But in this case it’s doing the opposite. So from my experience, if you are just thinking about it, look online to find methods to help and don’t worry too much. Look up Jo Rust on instagram she has loads of simple but effective help in her feed. I can’t tell you how much she helped me in the early days. But if on the other hand you are scared of anything and everything around you then get help from your doctor fast. Don’t do as I did and reject medication for three and a half years because you think you can deal with it yourself. I’ve now been on it for 6 months on a very low dose and started to feel somewhat normal again but it almost cost me my life on two occasions leading up to this. Anyway sorry for the drama, but I do feel like I’m in a position to be able to help someone hopefully. Take care all. DM me if you want to talk.

[@markf4018]

Discovered recently that I’ve lost another good person to suicide. 😔 It is often said that men don’t talk- and you’re right, we don’t. And we should. But that gets said a great deal. What rarely gets said is that we need to listen. If a friend unexpectedly calls up and wants to talk or messages out of the blue and says “can I call in?” then it is an inconvenience to you, but quite possibly the whole world to them. The next time someone you’ve not heard from in ages wants to “pop in” - make the time for them. Blokes don’t talk readily, so if someone wants to talk - let them - they’ll get to the point eventually.

[@legacyturbo]

I get it Chris and it’s good to talk and promote this message. I grew up in a very controlling household and I was never allowed to know who my father is, to this day, still don’t know him. As a result, as a teenager I wanted to commit suicide. I then developed the attitude that if my parents don’t care about me, why can’t I ride a motorbike? So I decided to pass my bike test. I am a cyclist and motorcyclist now, and I developed the attitude that if I’m knocked off and killed, so be it! Now, I live my best life in Cornwall, cut off from the c*nts who hurt me (mother and step father) and I am in a better place. I am trying to find my real father and I no longer wish I’d never been born.

[@itllbefineonemoretime3605]

Ditto (Same coping mechanism for many years. Funny how nobody talks about it, but we come to the same conclusion) Thanks for what you do

[@brandt69420]

Best series on KZbin. Thank you for taking the time and effort to share this experience with us. It has helped me immensely.

[@cyberpvnk]

I use to do the same thing when I was in college...if I couldn't pass there was a solution and then my brother ended himself. Two years later I bought my first bike.

[@jaydmhearne]

If you think about it everyday Chris then there is something wrong. Are you getting professional help?

[@robertmills794]

You’ve described perfectly what goes through the mind of someone that has those notions. Which proves you’ve been there. I can say that personally I’ve done that exact thing of pushing folks away so that my absence would later not be noticed. What it seems to me is that the act of isolating oneself continues the swirl down the toilet bowl. So, your advice is perfect and people need to fight the urge to isolate and engage. Given time and engagement with others, those feeling do begin to subside. And for me anyway, I think about it less and less by staying engaged with others. Shiney side up brother,…

[@markputnam6371]

Thank you for using ‘that word’. Here in NZ we have an horrendous suicide rate but it’s never called that. Will just say that the police are not looking for anyone else aim connection with the death, never say that someone has committed suicide. If you can’t even say the word how on earth can you start to address and help?

[@burtoxcbr]

Thanks, Chris.....yes it helps to mention suicide thanks for sharing your inner thoughts 👍

[@russcattell955i]

Chris, I have lost 2 friends through suicide and 2 more from terminal illness. For me I gained a lust for life and enjoy as much as possible.

[@robholloway5935]

Chris, thank you for talking so openly about what and how you are feeling. It takes balls to do this and you have hit a chord with me and a lot of people. Really enjoyed the series and keep doing what you do, you're a top bloke 👍😁

[@dinxsy8069]

I've attempted suicide but i'm that useless can't even do that right, tipping point was being arrested/accused of robbing someone for their wallet after i'd found it dumped and handed it in. I'd been trying to find them on Facebook to return it as it had old pictures of what i assume his kids, but couldn't find him. Was treated as a criminal for trying to do something right, didn't give me any positiveness for the future

[@badshotuk72]

Chris did you shit yourself @8:45? On another note an old work pal of mine topped himself a few years ago, was a lovely fella but lived his life glass half empty, he was always thinking everyone was doing better than him although he was doing really well in life compared to others me included, I spoke to him as I was supposed to meet up with him and some other old friends, next thing I heard he'd hung himself, sad thing is I thought he always do it, wish I would have helped him more.

[@Vtwin_Superbikes]

7:49 as well as target fixation. Another good way to think about it is that thoughts and habits are like paths in a wheat field, literally your neural pathways are like that, if you continue with old unhelpful ones they will remain, but if you make new pathways and continually use them they will become more permanent and the old ones will grow over again and disappear. Also I think a lot more people need to talk about the call of the void… i had a few of them around the age of 27 and they sent me into a tailspin that lasted years and years, these days I’ve heard some comedians talk about it but it is scary af if you think it’s just you and your own mind that has intrusive thoughts. I thought my own body was trying to kill me even though I wasn’t suicidal, like idealisations about leaping off balconies etc.

[@grachoderunwiderstehlichen]

i'am not a dr. neurologie/psychatrie so ... i push mute and look around with this video - baden baden 🤔

[@HarleyN93]

You still using the go pro 9? Also being someone who has tried in my car to delete myself I can definitely say it wasn't worth it. it was over a woman and I felt ashamed after for potentially ending my legacy and putting my family through it even though they ain't the best. I just generally over time focused on myself getting better with time and I found if you have no standard you'll fall for everything statement pretty true.

[@williamzoom]

I really enjoyed watching this trip the Balkans has fascinated me since I was a kid and I highly doubt I will ever get to visit any of them! There is no shame in asking for help the stigma associated with mental problems is ridiculous!

[@nuttzx10]

That's me with every morning. Just feels like don't want to wake up anymore.

[@cafelife1252]

I feel exactly as you Chris. I think about it everyday. Its a challenge to stay positive in life while carrying around this mental burden. Thank you so much

[@andeanrider6355]

been there too mate.

[@ronluning]

and here I was thinking that the S Word was "sell" for getting rid of that BMW. Clickbait!

[@decayintheuk]

I know what you're saying about "it", however one of my peer group just did it😟

[@seancaceres619]

And the phrase goes, " To assume, makes an Ass out of U and ME" A presumption requires no information to make a deduction, an assumption is made after there has been information acquired. An assumption is a Presumption.

[@CavalierNTX]

Talking about suicide is a cry for help; whereas the act of suicide is most often a protest against the state, as a rejection of conformity. In Epstein's case; if he even died, his name certainly ran out of road.

[@Timmo93]

Quick question, and I appreciate you may not remember but how much does the flu cost for a trip like this?

[@cs1375]

I was just thinking about not seeing a new video pop up in months. Love hearing your voice man. Despite being in another country we have a lot of similar ideologies.

[@rikaus9273]

Facts, i think about it all the time. I come up with some really elaborate ways to do it too 🤷🤣🤣 charity sky dive and dont open the parachute 🤷 be all over the news amd make the charity some money 🤣🤣🤣

[@kilianfitzsimmons-wilson706]

I am generally very ignorant to mental health, part of me still is, but this has been immeasurably powerful in making me consider things and people differently

[@chazzyoung9128]

Kinda Chris mate, my life is kinda erm shite atm and my”headspace is my bike and also my escape and yet it’s my “way out” and it’s getting to the point of having to sell , but on a bright note I am glad you feeling better mate

[@cjmwhitehead462]

I've never wanted to kill myself, but i have wanted to be no longer here. I've been to the aftermath of quite a few suicides due to my job and the devastation left behind is total. The strange thing about suicide it that its like a contagion, as soon as one family member does it it becomes more likely that another will. Talk to people, anyone, take meds, get better and be the person before the Black Dog came to sit in the garden and stare at you.

[@jamesgale9073]

Those thoughts are a daily occurrence with me too. I have tried and thankfully failed, but it is my "cure all"

[@WolfyFam]

So glad you said that’s normal feelings to have.. I had them a lot through out life at one point but thankfully they are at bay for a bit now

[@abcdefghijk5095]

Stick with us Chris. Good on you for speaking about a real struggle for many people.