Unlikely things to hear at a wedding or funeral | Mock The Week - BBC

[@count7340]

"In three! Two! One! CATCH THE BOUQUET!" 'Sarah, that was grandma's urn.'

[@HAWKOBRIAN]

We gathering together to witness the joining of Bob and Mary... and the passing of Mary's Dad... Who said, "you can marry her over my dead body..."

[@JasperJanssen]

One wedding and a funeral!

[@music4thesoul491]

😂😂😂

[@michaelnaisbitt1639]

😂😂😂👍👍

[@I_Have_The_Most_Japanese_Music]

Brilliant

[@mrsgollum]

I always wanted to feel like a princess on my wedding day...which is why I’m marrying my cousin.

[@michaelnaisbitt1639]

Ms Molly I am from Tasmania 😆😆😆😆

[@jonathancooper4914]

🤣🤣

[@AutomaticDuck300]

"Well, my daughter said that she wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day. So I'm marrying her off to a prince to improve political relations with Spain."

[@Pirustae]

Hahahahahaaa good one

[@applejuice5272]

Sweet Home Alabama

[@JackDanger99]

“Gary, get the forklift!” gets me every time.

[@toyman9642]

I recall being at a "viewing" at a funeral home. The brother of the deceased spent the entire time handing out business cards for his construction business.

[@AllaMortify]

Be ironic if he died in a workplace accident.

[@jackgodfrey3862]

My crane will NEVER fall on you

[@emporioalnino4670]

The grind never stops 💯

[@TomFynn]

He really dug a hole for himself there.

[@magicmansm]

no one was going to beat Miltons first joke here! absolute genius!

[@gothix5868]

Milton freaking sucks. He is so boring. He's just a crappy imitation of Mitch Hedberg. Worst pun comedian since Carrot Top..

[@richard6440]

@@gothix5868 so , resigning from the Milton Jones Fan Club, are you ?

[@markc8956]

His act is crap.

[@iim4xii129]

Except his other ones.

[@wkrijthe]

"There has been some protests about this couple being married, the groom has been challenge to a duel, which will take place immediately. May the best man win."

[@geekweek9673]

“Alright! Whose idea was it to make Gollum the ring bearer!?”

[@jonathancooper4914]

Geek Week 🤣

[@lisahenry20]

Boyfriend: will you marry me? Girlfriend: And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will have a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!

[@susanjewitt8783]

Geek Week. Class 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

lol

[@heyokaikaggen6288]

@@lisahenry20 Yes, Cate Blanchett has one hell of a wedding video...

[@andrewfenn3019]

"Sadly, today we all know exactly where Wally is." 😂

[@platinumfalcon798]

I don't get it

[@Hockstar97]

@@platinumfalcon798 wally is from a popular book where he is hidden somewhere and you have to find him. He is also known as waldo.

[@PokerJoker811]

No matter the calls to make this a day of celebration, it cannot overcome our grief at the tragedy which has brought us here. We must persevere nonetheless. That being said: Do you take this man...

[@SabeerAbdulla]

PokerJoker811 😄 I was wondering why none of them went with this theme for their joke ... Such an obvious one given the subject ..

[@sodapop4949]

r/murderedbywords

[@pineapplepenumbra]

@@SabeerAbdulla Maybe a couple of them have done it before?

[@darthmarticusLFC]

I was thinking how this was a really unique one as the prompt is two very different scenarios. Glad Ed called them out on it!

[@Shakes-Off-Fear]

“Traditionally, at a Jewish wedding, a glass is broken at the altar but, due to the nature of the marriage, the bride’s water broke instead”

[@AkAsCoTTii3]

This is the first one where I’ve seen Milton do half normal jokes😂

[@andrewfenn3019]

*Looks down at the coffin* "Well, he won't do that again."

[@harrybetteridge7532]

Some may think it is a bit early for a widow to remarry but hey we're all in church with flowers and a priest.

[@matthewwoodham295]

"The irony of it all is, that he choked to death on a lifesaver."

[@Evergreen0021]

In the name of the father, the son, in the hole he goes.

[@kiarona.]

OK this is one of my favourites

[@MilanousMedia]

Dave Allen classic

[@danimayb]

Spectacles Testicles Wallet Watch Amen

[@adelucas4824]

Mt sister is getting married this year and I'm giving her away. I might steal the auction part for my speech :P

[@CrisSelene]

Yeah, that sounds good. Treating your sister like chattel

[@sodapop4949]

Update us on how it goes pls

[@andrewblythe3896]

@@CrisSelene funny tho

[@richard6440]

@@CrisSelene Treating your sister like chattel .......... r/whoosh

[@anthonylees9029]

Milton Jones --genius and reality visitor ! Loved the Vera joke ! I lost control at that point ! MTW , now an institution ! Where’s Wally ? Now we know where he is !!!🤣🤣

[@radwanabdo7846]

I didn't get that vera joke

[@anthonylees9029]

Vera is a play on words . To veer means to move about changing direction, hence a veerer is someone who ............

[@penguinexpress12]

Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust. Don’t walk using WhatsApp, or get hit by a bus.

[@jamespotter2843]

That one made me laugh

[@matth7952]

James Potter you have a great name

[@perjus]

Asses to ashes, tits to dust...

[@AllaMortify]

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, sweep grandma under the rug, I knew I'd knock that urn off the shelf.

[@andrewfenn3019]

"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Peter. On a positive note, I'm here to present Peter with his posthumous Darwin Award."

[@AutomaticDuck300]

"At this difficult time, I would like to thank everyone here for the plethora of kind words. It means a lot."

[@moe_rm]

As it is a tradition you all know in our family... The lucky woman who catches the bouquet... Gets to leave the funeral early

[@williamlewer3083]

Milton's "Vera by name..." joke is genius.

[@catpalmer2093]

I cannot watch any part of this show without a) thinking of my late father, who adored it, or b) snorting with laughter in a rather embarrassing fashion.

[@celticwolff5429]

Milton and Ed saved this segment.

[@bwmanhath3770]

Hugh was good too, but Milton 😘

[@pvip9986]

I've actually enjoyed almost all of their jokes, good bit.

[@eclectica1]

They should have just stopped it after Milton's first joke. Nothing was better.

[@SDCLFC1]

Kerry Godliman!

[@ryanniv1851]

The heroin joke was funny tho

[@Slocombe]

“Even though he died by auto erotic mishap, we should always remember him as a skilled multitasker.”

[@edwardkinsey5680]

Milton and Ed owned this round

[@EccentricGentelman]

I once had a teacher who moonlighted as some kind of clergyman, doing weddings and funerals. He was a really cynical person. He once told the class that having seen marriages at either end, every time he was marring a couple he was tempted to laugh at them and say "You do know this is going to end badly!"

[@arthurvasey]

As the judge said to the bigamist - you can’t have your Kate and Edith, too! Unless Kate and Edith are Angela Barnes and Kerry Godliman!

[@january5741]

the last one was the best XD

[@levimcglinchey5843]

Milton definitely won this one

[@moochincrawdad]

0:12 I was drinking a hot cup of coffee when Milton delivered that first punchline - wrong move on my part! 😀☕

[@Psiberzerker]

When Milton walks up, put the coffee, tea, or other hot beverage down. He normally pauses long enough for you to do so.

[@jaggass]

''Just before we start i'm just going to take a selfie with the coffin''

[@BigD1987]

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness in the joining of two people, and to mourn the dearly departed. I'm sorry we had to combine the two, but it was the only way either family could afford their wedding and funeral."

[@ryanniv1851]

That first joke cracks me up everytime 😂🤣

[@Michelle_Schu-blacka]

I hear granny used to enjoy relaxing with some ice tea. Yes. She particularly enjoyed _'O.G. Original Gangster'._

[@Psiberzerker]

"My mind is a hand grenade... Catch."

[@AdamRawlyk]

Now today is an incredibly sad day for us all... but for some reason, the wife calls it “the happiest day of our lives” She could’ve at least pretended to be upset at my grandad’s funeral.

[@AutomaticDuck300]

"I think it's very arrogant of the John to proclaim himself to be the" best man" here today when I raised 10 grand for charity last year. Best man, my arse!"

[@dancingwithnature5303]

Ed, Ed! What were you thinking mate! (Ok yeah I laughed)? 😂

[@BattyButtercup]

The Wally joke slayed me: a Carmen Sandiego joke would be resurrection.

[@Zombie_Spike]

And now let's toast the Bride and Groom, GUYS!!!! NO, Raise your glasses not your flamethrowers.

[@modsmum]

Who knew funerals could be so funny :) I've been going to the wrong ones.

[@eoinh1]

You should go to an Irish one.

[@11calman]

mandy c , they tell me it's a grave business, & do feel boxed in sometimes, make no bones about. Apparently, they died coffin, we all thought that was a bit stiff

[@prairieN]

@@eoinh1 one of my Irish family's mottos is "we put the fun in funeral" and they go down from there

[@wanderingghost7324]

I remembered my innocence days at the pasts three funeral i went. I was trying hard not to laugh at the people who cried like a dying whale and snot coming out their nose.. It was pretty disgusting though.. I admit i over come those feeling of wanting to wrecking havoc on them all.. The feeling that wanting to kill small cute animals kind of thing. It was so sad and pathetic looking that you want to end their misery to make them stop making you feel that way.. Ya know.. - not a serial killer.

[@11calman]

I only go for the food which is always a dead cert

[@jaggass]

''I feel like Hugh Grant today doing 4 weddings and a funeral''

[@Shkibs]

a wedding or funeral eh? "You may now kiss the deceased."

[@jonicthedgehog]

"At the request of Mark he wanted this to he a Star Trek themed funeral, and to that he wanted me to say to his brother... He's dead Jim."

[@muhammadomarji4748]

Always wondered what Dara Ó Briain writes? 🧐

[@sonicgoo1121]

It's Dara Claus's book of naughty and nice comedians.

[@philipellis7039]

Working on his French rap lyrics.

[@barrybigballs6339]

he's still working on the screenplay of, Monsoon Poultry Hospital.

[@annag1740]

He's writing the Bible don't mind him

[@Sameer-Mustafah-Raza1-2-1]

An encyclopaedia on Megabus! 😊

[@Nulono]

Could someone explain the "oncoming traffic" joke?

[@kylestubbs8867]

I think he said "Veera by name", as in "veerer into traffic".

[@aaronhurst4379]

"Vera by name" is my favourite of these, great round overall 😂

[@Foolish188]

Thanks everybody for coming, Dad said he didn't care what we did with his ashes, so anyone want some free cat litter?

[@Edsshed]

Were here today to say goobye to a great man, a free man, a man who wowed all the ladies, we will all miss that side of terry... I now pronounce you husband and wife..

[@DavidSmith-bc8nk]

"Tom saw the combine harvester." "Dick heard the combine harvester." "And Harry didn't have the faintest idea what hit him."

[@7MatthewJames]

“Sweetheart, I’ve something to tell you here” “You love someone else?” “No, I’m Barry Scott, and this is Cillit Bang”

[@mollyencrypted2488]

May I suggest: 'She died doing what she loved - MY HUSBAND.'

[@jaggass]

''George died what he doing Best. Drinking until his liver packed in''

[@sainjawoof3506]

The last one is going to be my epitaph!

[@jaggass]

''I feel sorry for grave diggers and crem workers. It's such a dead end job''

[@davidtownson1476]

Wasn't Milton's first joke incredibly dark for him? Wow!

[@insertname1014]

That Vera joke is truly underrated

[@kylewilliams5761]

Ed had a good Christmas.!!!

[@Ninterd2]

"Raymond was a man of many parts. We know that because we found them everywhere"

[@techbaffle]

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless!

[@edwardharriss1463]

What a fantastic reception and before everyone leaves what does everyone think they had for dinner?

[@chrisgarton4225]

Thank you for coming to my new son in law’s wedding, now if he can just say his last words before he marries my daughter.

[@AccidentalNinja]

I've been to weddings where I'm equally friends with both the bride & the groom, & I wasn't sure where to sit.

[@jjaus]

Does it really matter?

[@AccidentalNinja]

@@jjaus But I must do things properly!... No, it doesn't really matter.

[@Sameer-Mustafah-Raza1-2-1]

In their laps. 🤭 I’m sure they won’t bite! 😉

[@AccidentalNinja]

@@Sameer-Mustafah-Raza1-2-1 Depends on the friend.

[@holdenc.1442]

“And we’re very excited to congratulate the happy... widow”

[@susanjewitt8783]

Milton's first one was hilarious.

[@Sameer-Mustafah-Raza1-2-1]

Unlikely things to 👂🏽 at a funeral... “Please would the kind widowed lady and her 2 luscious friends join me for a quick ménage-a-trios in private?” 😊

[@reimeir3267]

Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to celebrate a teenage wedding. Would the bride and groomer please step forward?

[@NateSean]

"Wow, 80 million dollars buys a pretty fancy wedding in Iran."

[@stegomon]

Love this show

[@nomore2863]

At least Milton and Ed were trying...

[@corriedebeer799]

I always wanted to feel like a princess on my wedding day, that is why im marrying a nigerian.

[@jaggass]

''But we haven't found his body yet''

[@alangaming2003]

1:22 is my favourite

[@muhammadgbadegesin8043]

That first joke destroyed my lungs

[@kylestubbs8867]

I was hoping for a "Sorry, I also do funerals" joke, but... I guess 3:40 works.

[@tatianasolsrud9077]

The heroine got me lol

[@WardyLion]

Waaaayyyy! Sorry I’m late, bit of a heavy sesh earlier and I’m twatted! Anyway...we are gathered here today...

[@nunmcbuttcheekbleh2658]

You know this is the happiest day of my life. I'm finally giving little sally away. No more school runs. No more tea parties. Thank you. Thank you Jesus for taking that little bundle of shit with you. Drinks on me lads!

[@eggspress8043]

0:16 ancient egyptian b like

[@GravesRWFiA]

So, uh, are you ready to date yet or shall we wait until the funeral is over?

[@jayro792]

Priest: You may now kiss the bride Groom: **lifts veil** …Err Jenny??? Bride: NO MORE JENNY, CALL ME JIMMY.

[@niallh4194]

"John, you know the way they said on the invite that the wedding was inspired by the song, "White Wedding", I don't think they actually meant it to be literal and for everyone to come dressed as the Klu Klux Klan"

[@bessiegal6747]

Nice hair Ed Balls!😁

[@borednow]

2:07 i dont get it, can somebody explain it?

[@jayro792]

Her names Vera who Veered into upcoming traffic.

[@alexanderanderson4905]

"My wife was an amazing. Her greatest gift to me in life was... a passport and citizenship"

[@jaggass]

''I wonder if Ronseal really does exactly what it says on the tin''

[@_pembaa]

I hope no one hears that in their wedding 👰 or funeral

[@1969Kismet]

Chances are, nobody will ever hear it at their own funeral ; )

[@tombstonerforever9374]

Their*

[@1969Kismet]

@@tombstonerforever9374 I was trying to be subtle about it ; )

[@drianeb9711]

1969Kismet when you try be subtle with a dude named Tombstoner Forever 👏

[@1969Kismet]

@@drianeb9711 I'll have that on a t-shirt, thank you very much ; )

[@EpiclyMinior]

could someone explain 2:45? the scottish widow joke thanks!

[@grahamkemp]

The only way you get to see a Scottish widow is at the funeral of her husband…

[@gregoryuk]

Scottish Widows is a UK Pensions company and their iconic advert campaigns always ran with a woman in a black cape.

[@asterismos5451]

whoa....the quality.......so sharp!

[@Parknest]

It isn't the same without Frankie Boyle. His humour is dark but it is funny at the same time. For those that don't get the Scottish Widows reference, it is a UK financial institution that does pensions, investments, insurance and mortgages. It is part of the Lloyds Banking Group.

[@nasrinv]

Hey does the lady in red play Lisa in After Life????

[@gregoryuk]

Yes.

[@thomasnolastname8734]

When I asked for the rings to be brought forward, I didn't mean the choirboys

[@mrsmiles9330]

"barry honestly im jealous you really did find your soul mate.......just a shame she died so young"

[@louiseogden1296]

Actually happened to me. Met my husband, married, three years later almost to the day he died of cancer. He was my soulmate 😍.

[@CrisSelene]

I swear, Hugh and Ed are the only competent comedians in this segment

[@izukumidoriya8795]

Worst thing to say at a funeral: Hey guys welcome to my unboxing video today is made by God today I see my Grandma

[@emilylittle1187]

These comments are gold

[@leafchill8821]

You may now kiss the bride, but im sure youll be doing more than that once you get back to the hotel

[@williamcrowe2576]

"It's rather sad Gerald died on his wedding night... At least he left with a smile".