Be better than fine | Nora McInerny | TEDxMinneapolisWomen

[@chrisr37]

A friend sent me Nora's video. THANK YOU NORA. Lost my wife to a fatal asthma attack a week before our 16th anniversary. She was 43. I laughed for the first time in almost a year

[@No44778]

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you had more occassion to laugh this past year

[@karenstepp58]

Nora is a guiding light to us. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on 7/15/2019 and died 7/29/2019. I save her videos and share them with other widowed people. Only we understand. Love and prayers to you all. ❤🙏

[@thoyigisela]

Wow.... I also lost my husband at 31. When I saw this I thought “no one has ever understood me better”. Thank you for sharing Nora!

[@jonwhitney9559]

You made me laugh when I didn't think I ever would again.

[@tigerorchid67]

My partner died at age 35. 5 days off from work. 8 months and I'm still sad. Nora is my hero.

[@cilla3636]

hugs I lost my sweetheart suddenly to cardiac arrest 7 weeks ago💔

[@tigerorchid67]

@@cilla3636 I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@IamTedV]

Terrible, thanks for asking. Thanks to Nora, I have said this to people in the 252 days since I lost my 46 year old wife. Thank you.

[@illatek]

This is a good one I’m going to start using it 😂

[@liambutler6595]

Another element of everybody's recoil from grief and discussing it is the discomfort most people feel with addressing anything Existential. We all ask the big questions, but we teach ourselves to ignore them for fear that the answers are unfaceable or the delusion that we're the only ones thinking about them.

[@Sbannmarie]

Love her. “I’d love a warm condelensce”

[@pjpearson7499]

Spot on! I've lost two husband's to cancer, one at 31 and the other at 55. I've learned to be patient with the process of grief and agree that we need to have the hard conversations. We can learn so much from each other's experience and we become isolated when we don't share ours. Thank you.

[@HappyCrultureRawFood]

🙏

[@marcykeeley7709]

I appreciate hearing people be real about this kind of thing. My mom died when I was 22 after a 10 year cancer rollercoaster that lead all of us to somehow think she was never going to die (which was always unlikely). I was the oldest kid so for about 6 months I was on top of the grief game (pretending to be ok while taking over my mom's responsibilities in the family) until I turned occasional recreational drug use into full blown addiction...like that episode of 90210 where luke goes from being a rich partier to a junkie living on the beach in 60 minutes (45 without commercials) . I lost 2 years of my life to that. Oddly enough the debilitating sadness and anger were waiting for me when I was done. 12 years later and It still comes in waves but I've found less illegal coping mechanisms.

[@biker5662]

I highly recommend Grief Share. My father recently passed away due to suicide and then my grandmother died several weeks later. The Grief Share support group has really helped, and that are people in it who have are dealing with losses from over 20 years ago. I offer condolences to you that you lost your mom the way you did. That's so heartbreaking.💔

[@illatek]

What coping mechanisms did you find helped ?

[@savannahleeross7373]

I cannot count how many times I have watched this, everytime I cry, she also makes me laugh. Thank you for being you Nora❤✌

[@cathyt144]

I love this lady. She has a very unique way in how she looks and deals with loss and grief. I watched my precious mama die from ARDS and 6 wks later i watched my husband die from cancer ,just 17 days after he was diagnosed. My daddy died from brain cancer 2 yrs ago .Loseing 3 of the most important people in my life has changed me. Im still grieving and im guarded. Afraid to let anyone in that special place in my heart. We take our loved ones so for granted. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that i will be with them again in Heaven .🙏💔

[@liambutler6595]

How old are you?

[@liambutler6595]

Not that I'm talking about you Religious Beliefs; I have similar ones. I'm just asking to know the context of when this came into your life

[@liambutler6595]

Don;t worry by the way, God didn't kill them. He's omniscient but not Omnipotent

[@carolynwatt3289]

Nora, this is a beautiful presentation, funny, profound, gut wrenching, and matter of fact. I loved it. My husband passed 2 and a half years ago yet the grief is still part of me.

[@Srieire]

This is wonderful. Just what I needed right now to cope ... just a little bit.

[@Onlinesully]

great that it helped you along a little. I’ve handled things terribly badly. terribly.

[@Srieire]

@@Onlinesully I'm really sorry that you feel that. I'm almost a year on. Some days very hard, some days better. I hope and pray that things improve for you.

[@Onlinesully]

@@Srieire It’s a lot

[@jaylac6391]

I love you Nora..this is the second Ted Talk I came across with you speaking about Grief. My sister died tragically. She was struck by a hit and run driver while crossing the street. This happened on my 60th birthday, 11/23/19. It is beyond words. I will keep my pledge if people ask me how I am doing, I will tell them. I went to the grocery store the day after it happened and one of the cashiers casually ask me, how are you doing.. I said fine but then I said, no I am not fine and told them what happened. My goal is for my Grief score to be 3.97. I had to face grief with my mother and two brothers.. they each passed away a few years from each other. I made it through that with a 3.50 but I feel I loss a few points with the shock of my sister killed. My emotions are all over the place and I am allowing them to be.

[@biljanaweber741]

I'm very sorry. My father died similarly a month ago, I feel what you are going thru....

[@kms7012]

Lost husband 53, 2 teens at home, He was my emotional AND financial rock. So worried and overwhelmed about finances and all i want to do is grieve.

[@helenmilchling368]

She is an intelligent, funny and amazing woman.

[@heatherlong2478]

You are hillarious because you are correct and REAL💯💢🙏💜🧡

[@mightymouse2098]

WOW, you knocked my socks right off my feet. Thank you for making it real and exactly how I feel. THANK YOU

[@autumnp1485]

When you lose your husband to brain cancer, he was 35, we have a daughter, you feel so alone and then there's this.

[@kc8644]

Love this. We can do so much better

[@Mssilverbelle]

GRIEF POINT AVERAGE... I am soooo gonna steal that.

[@Akira282]

I lost my wife, who was only 34 years old recently during pregnancy. No words can describe the pain and absolute desolation that remains.

[@LBDservices]

I am very sorry for your loss ❤

[@TheSuzanneElise]

Nora is amazing. Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@robertashaffer3950]

I love this woman. Thank you for this Nora 🙏

[@kategosson3104]

"I will take a warm condolence! Thank you, they are so flaky..." Dear Nora, I feel seen. Thanks

[@johnfayan308]

Hello Kate, how are you

[@walterhemp71]

Thanks for this. It helps. From a 7 week widower.

[@karenhogan731]

Thank you! Sorry for your losses 🙏❣️

[@ashleyisgray]

Terrible, thanks for asking.

[@kc8644]

Lost my husband suddenly after 45 years of marriage, last week my neighbor asked me how I was, I said ok, then he shook his head no you’re not, I said no I’m not okay. Then he said, it is what it is

[@sarahrooffener7411]

When I went through my break up at 25, people kept asking me how I was. That is when I learned not to ask that question, unless I had time for the answer. The real answer. When people asked me, I'd ask them, do you really want to hear? Sometimes, they would look scared they asked, and other times, they would say, "I have 5 minutes." And we could actually talk for a minute. I could say "actually I am not doing very well lately. I'm not sure how to get through this." Later when I lost my dad, I was so grief stricken, I didn't even have the energy or mental ability to even say any thing but "fine".

[@Sandromeda.]

I totally hear you! I lost my dad at 26 (he was 58) and I never thought this would affect my world so much. After that I got to know my ex-boyfriend, we spend years together in which I tried to deal with the loss. The relationship unfortunately wasn't good for us or at least me... I think people name it "toxic" (I never had such a relationship before... only healthy ones) Anyway, I loved him nonetheless, I still do. We broke up and it broke my heart. I'm 32 now, I say "fine" as well, although I want to scream "terrible!!!"; I know that most people don't want to know and won't understand. I was always a very talkative and outgoing person, but not anymore... I stopped talking. Somehow I no longer see the point in it.

[@sarahrooffener7411]

@@Sandromeda. I was in a terrible relationship and had just broken up with him, finally, when my dad passed away. After that, he convinced me he changed, I don't think I believed him, but I went back anyway because I wanted some sort of comfort I hoped he would provide. He didn't. When I left him, I had nothing and I was homeless, but that was better than spending another day with him. While with him, my light dulled, but since leaving him, I have learned so many things that have made me brighter than ever before. For starters, I read the book, Boundaries by Henry cloud and john Townsend. It is absolutely life changing. It teachers you why you were even in that kind of relationship in the first place and gives you tools to build your life back up from the inside out. Now I feel like I'm thriving for the first time in my life.

[@DebraJEAN472]

Love her 💖

[@carrierhone7475]

I love her!

[@equynenergie]

The lonely is horrible…absolutely a whole different kind of lonely since I lost my hubby

[@agiigisttv]

Thanks for sharing

[@meagannettles7201]

Mother of 3 under 7 years old lost husband 1 month ago. I'm just, lost. 2020 really IS the worst.

[@kimmydora7863]

I miss my husband everyday...

[@susansteinkraus2821]

Wonderful, honest thoughts! Let me ask you, Nora, what should people have said to you/asked you after you lost your husband? Every thing I can think of to say to a friend in her grief sounds lame.

[@cathyt144]

Susan Steinkraus im not Nora,but ive gone through the same loss. My husband died from cancer only 17 days after diagnosis. As far as what to say to your friend, you dont really have to "say" anything, just " be" there for her. When she wants and needs someone to just " listen" to her vent and talk about him and all the pain and beautiful memories they had together. When my husband died i felt caught off guard when someone else brought up his name ,i could deal with it better if i was the one who started the conversation about him. Dont smother her,but dont avoid her either. Just make your presence known and be ready to really listen when she needs to talk. Remind her that you will always be there for support. Most people stop even calling within a few weeks and thats sad. There will be special days that are harder for her to deal with. Anniversary of his death, their wedding anniversary, a birthday,etc. those are the times you really need to reach out to her . If you feel the need to have to say anything, keep it simple. " im here for you if you need to talk" is plenty. Im glad that your friend has you and you care. There are many of us who dont have that after a loss . God bless. 🙏

[@susansteinkraus2821]

@@cathyt144 thanks! This is helpful.

[@stevenmackenzie59]

Yes, the best thing you can ever do for someone who is grieving is to just be there. Sit with them talk with them do not offer advice. The worst thing you can ever do for someone that is grieving is to give them advice. Just be there with them when they want to talk they will

[@andersonscott2041]

Hello gorgeous how are you doing now, nice thought of you, I'm Anderson can I know you

[@Jack-dq7qh]

@@cathyt144 ...beautiful reply & you are so right.

[@linbonn4749]

6:14....😥💔💔💔

[@soniacebrelli3839]

Quiero subtítulos en español.gracias

[@chrisg1234fly]

Las week I walked out of the attornies after making an appointment to discuss my wifes estate. 3 weeks after a horrific car crash in which I saw the worst that can be seen. As I walked out the door I heard 'have a great weekend!!!'. I turned and looked at them. Well you know what we mean they said. i said nothing.

[@PATTINIETO2769]

I miss my husband. I am trying to date. So hard. It is so difficult.

[@noellogan6676]

General Motors. Three days and back to work.

[@hildecuvelier6674]

why are they laughing?😮

[@KR-jq6ru]

Because you can’t cry all the time.

[@magicalpoet5817]

Because she is funny. If you didn't get the whole point that you still live when you are grieving then you need to listen to her various Ted Talks & read her books. My husband's funeral/celebration of life was filled with laughter & also tears.

[@praveerkumarmistry4665]

How can they laugh on her words , it was really painful try to feel her

[@linbonn4749]

15

[@danvalicenti8945]

Lots of laughing?

[@Ginknee666]

And?

[@danvalicenti8945]

@@Ginknee666 grieving and stand up made me uneasy. I lost my son, Alex, age 22 the year before and made me cringe when I listened to Nora. It was my personal reaction

[@fornecehemodtob5129]

The receptive playroom extremely breathe because mine connolly argue per a penitent adjustment. lazy, third plant