Be Careful of The DARVO Manipulation Tactic

Have you heard of the DARVO manipulation tactic? Let's delve deep into the world of DARVO manipulation, a technique used to emotionally manipulate and control others. We will explore the signs, tactics, and techniques involved in psychological manipulation, and learn how to protect yourself from falling victim to these strategies. If you're interested in understanding how to recognize and counter manipulation, this video is a must-watch. Stay informed, stay empowered!
Want more videos on emotional manipulation? We made a video on the examples of emotional manipulation: • 7 Examples Of Emotiona...
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Editor: Morgan Swift
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Sarimopi ( / sarimopi )
KZbin Manager: Cindy Cheong
#manipulation #psychology
Grab PSI plushy here: psych2go.shop/products/psych2...
Discount code: "Loyalty" to get 15% off. Only first 50 people.
Official Discord: / discord
Provide Feedback for this video: forms.gle/B1JAxZKn9XvJpXUQ7
Our Philantrophy Channel: / @psych2gophilanthropy
References:
Kippert, A. (2022, Nov 23). Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender. Domestic Shelters. www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender
Lancer, D. (2017, Apr 3). Forms of Emotional and Verbal Abuse You May Be Overlooking. Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201704/forms-emotional-and-verbal-abuse-you-may-be-overlooking
Patterson, E. (2022, Jun 1). DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender. Choosing Therapy. www.choosingtherapy.com/darvo/
The Clayman Institute for Gender Research. (2021, Dec 13). You’ve been DARVOed and you don’t even know it. Stanford University. gender.stanford.edu/news/youve-been-darvoed-and-you-dont-even-know-it

[@AvidlyAlways]

The friend part is real-emotional abuse can happen in any relationship, whether romantic, platonic, familial, etc. I didn’t totally recognize my former friend when he did it to me solely because abuse in friendships isn’t talked about as much.

[@gentlenoob2576]

Top reasons why people can’t be trusted

[@Psych2go]

What were some patterns that you noticed in your former friend?

[@AvidlyAlways]

@@Psych2go well, let’s see. I kind of have to think it all out. We were very close, knew each other for 3 years. Everything had been great and happy for the most part, and I trusted him, so I didn’t see it coming. I was in an intense amount of emotional distress because they were giving me the silent treatment for an unknown reason and they refused to tell me why (I recognize now as some form of sick “punishment” they were trying to inflict) I kept messaging him, trying to be understanding, wanting to talk things out if I had done something wrong. When I grew angry at their lack of response (they’d been silent for weeks while being online and active in other servers or group chats) and verbalized my frustration and anger with them, they turned around and berated me for “guilt tripping them” and being “passive aggressive” which, like the video showed, sent me into a confused and apologetic, caring state, trying to “make up” for my anger against him (which were fully justified) I began to question my own reality. It felt like I was losing my mind. This went on several times until they temporarily blocked me, but continued to try to be friendly and joke with me in different group chats/servers or keep up with my other socials, like there was nothing wrong. Push-Pull dynamic is what I think they call it, he was trying to keep me on a leash for his own benefit, until they decided I could be of use or give them the attention they wanted again. Maybe he thought that eventually I would give up on trying to have my needs met and would shut up and take whatever crumbs he gave me. I called them out on their emotional abuse and got rid of him after that.

[@boifixed]

I remember when my friend used to use DARVO against me even in the tiniest of things like when i corrected him on what he was saying and then he reversed the roles like i am the crazy one

[@chemii.]

Me too, man. We’re here for you ❤

[@SilV_05]

And the fact that this happens a hundred times and some of us don't realize it, is very tragic

[@Psych2go]

Absolutely. We're hoping that videos like this will help people know more about manipulation/abuse and be able to avoid it at all cost.

[@thesaddestdude3575]

I grew up in a household with a emotionally abusive and manipulative parent, quite narcissistic and also emotionally unstable. I can give some examples of behavior. 1: She would often gaslight me when i was a kid when she thought she could get away with it, usually centered around getting me to do a chore. Usually it would go like "can you please clean the kitchen?" Then i kinda shrug because i don't really want to, but id be fine with doing it anyways. But then she would say stuff like "Don't you remember, you promised me, you PROMISED" Despite not having talked about it at all. This was almost a daily occurrence. Often telling me i had a bad or damaged memory and should see a doctor whenever she lied about what i had said. One time when i was a little older she tried doing this and talked about how i had been in a room with her talking about how i would clean the entire house. However i pointed out this was impossible because i had not left my room that morning, she flew into a rage screaming at me. Stuff like this was common in all kinds of weird forms. 2: She would try to turn people against eacother, usually telling secrets gossip and slanter ´to whoever she was spending time with, talking about how the other people not present were abusive towards her and such even though this was almost (almost) always a lie. One time we visited our grandparents on one side of the family and she talked about how her parents abused her with cigarette burns and such, however when visiting the other side of the family she would talk about how they mistreated her verbally and beat her. Ive never seen any shred of either being true, although there has been alot of drama and toxic behavior from all parties involved. I found out in time she was trying to embarrass me aswell often in public spaces and such. 3: She would turn my childhood insecurities against me as i grew up, if i talked about feeling lonely or isolated she would often pray on that whenever she got angry. She asked me to do a chore that was way out of what i had time for since i was working on a large school assignment at the time and she threw a fit and started telling me i would die alone and i was unlovable because i want good at taking care of the house. Stuff like this was really common as well. I was treated somewhat badly by one half of the family, they would often tell me i was "undeveloped", and i told one one day it made me really sad. However just some weeks later when i did something that annoyed her, i don't even know what, she would bring it up and use it against me. 4: She was emotionally unstable, she could go from extreme anger to crying to cry laughing in a matter of minutes. This often made it hard to read her, but i eventually learned some tricks, she would often perceive anger and manipulation and abusive behavior and call other out on it, but that makes sense. She is that herself and thus she thinks everyone else thinks in the same way as her. She would often talk about how valued she was at work "Oh my god everyone LOVES ME!" then a day later, "EVERYONE HATES ME IM SO SCORNED" but chances are most of the days were probably completely normal with not much happening but she always perceived other to either hate or love her, which was funny because most of the time people probably doesn't think about her that much but in her narcissistic mind, shes always the center. One day i smashed her favorite plate by accident she was disappointed but not all that angry. In contrast one day i waked past her with a vacuum, she asked me if i was gonna clean, and i told her "yeah of course" however when i said it i looked up at her and noticed she was biting her jaw as if in massive pain starring me down getting red faced. I already know whats gonna happen at this point but as i walk away a close the door a little too hard behind me and she RUNS towards the room im in slamming the door open screaming at me what my problem was and that if i "wanted to go we could". She got that angry because she thought my voice inflection was wrong....... She would often say stuff like "why are you so angry" "Little angry this morning HUH?"before she became verbally abusive and threatening. 5: She would often whisper things to my dad when he was alone, "you're not making me happy" "you're abusing me" "you have to be better BETTER" "i cant if you keep being like this" All while she verbally abused him. She would often talk to him about how much she hates men and such, being quite misandrist. 6: im tired of writing.... i could make 20 points.

[@baeldaikokuten_yj6792]

@@thesaddestdude3575I feel really bad for you 😢 I feel lucky my parents aren’t like that. They’re good people :3 I hoped you won’t get influenced by your mother parenting in the future

[@manapeace]

DARVO seems to be an instantaneous, reactive response when a toxic person is triggered. I think the underlying cause is a deep refusal to accept any responsibility for their actions and the pain they’ve inflicted on others.

[@tuoctran43]

Yes this is exactly it. Their brains cannot handle it because they perceive accountability a threat. These people thrive off taking credit where credit is not due.

[@FeralWetCat]

Knowing you were emotionally abused is hard, I'm still not sure myself, but anyone going through this, I'm proud of everyone who has recovered or is doing well facing these things, and good luck

[@Psych2go]

Aww what a kind sentiment! Thank you for the kind words!

[@FeralWetCat]

@@Psych2go ^^ no problem!:D

[@Sticky_stick_man]

@@Psych2go and @slimy froggies Thanks guys…when the video showed the manipulation tactic, I cried. My parents have been doing this to me for years. For e.g. my mother got really angry at me when I confronted her about them actually hurting me emotionally, she then denied it and told me it was just “discipline” for me being a so called “brat”. She tried to grab my face so I kicked her in the shin to get her away from me, she then victimised herself and got the entire family on her side. I felt really shitty then and I’m still legally unable to leave it. Another thing was that when I told her that my friends parents didn’t do this type of “discipline”, she told me that my friends would just grow up to be no-good at life. So yeah, ig that’s my talk about it and also thank you Pysch2go. You’ve really helped me on my journey to recovering ❤❤❤❤

[@user-hd4lz7ob7w]

Thank you

[@FeralWetCat]

@@user-hd4lz7ob7w of course

[@ChocoParfaitFra]

Blame is a powerful tool. You can literally make anyone feel guilty of anything. People who manipulate know very well how to use this tactic, and as a victim myself I can tell you that is really hard to spot this kind of manipulation, especially if you tend to feel bad for others, if you don’t want fights, if you aren’t self confident. It’s truly scary

[@rosied456]

Yep. People-pleasers and people who are afraid of conflict/confrontation are the easiest targets for emotional abuse and manipulation. Their vulnerability and empathy is preyed upon :(

[@saru69696]

I’ve definitely been through DARVO. Had a friend like that recently that had a ton of problems and got mad at me when I didn’t know how to help her. Glad she’s gone.

[@Psych2go]

Did you deliberately decide to move away from the friendship when it was toxic? Or was it a natural parting of ways?

[@saru69696]

@@Psych2go I left the friendship myself. She went into this full mental breakdown (or so she called it, it definitely wasn’t just a breakdown) and was saying very disturbing things. I told her that if she was serious about those things either me or her needed to get authorities involved or she needs to go get professional help (I had no clue how to respond to what she was telling me). She got mad at me for it and so I left. (Keep in mind, the times I did try and help her, she never acknowledged those and would always rant about how no one ever helps her, so I help severely under appreciated. She also tended to make me out as the bad guy in situations where I did nothing wrong.) Again, very glad she’s out of my life. She drained my mental health severely.

[@saru69696]

Some context in the first place, she tended to dump vents on me without warning and they always tended to be very disturbing, I put up with it for a while but I know I am not a therapist, and so that’s why I left when she got mad at me. She also tried to guilt trip me into staying, saying things such as “did our friendship mean nothing to you?” “After all I’ve done for you.” That sort of thing.

[@cearal2456]

@@saru69696you’re not alone in this one bit. I too dealt with someone similar (a trans man) with the guilt tripping and random unwarranted vents and tried to help them as much as I could to be there for him. Though it started to take a major toll on my mental health on my own and it grew toxic, it wasn’t until he stepped away from the friendship after numerous breaks that didn’t work that I began to breathe fresh air. Pity is one powerful manipulation tool.

[@bangtan_army7905]

​@@saru69696hey pls can u help me...I had an online friend for almost a year when I met her first time she told me that her best friend left and she was very sad and wanted to Harm herself and somehow l was also not having any bestie at that time so I started chatting with her for hours for few month amd we become bestie but after sometime I felt I can't give her time due to my exams so I asked her to forget me and told her that I am deactivating my insta for few months I was not on insta and when after few months I activated my account she told me that she cried every night for me and even tried suicide but didn't succeeded and a her friend's brother supported her during those hard times and he is her bestie right now....I was feeling very guilty that becoz of she had to go all through all this...I apologized to her many times and she said to me forget it it's past now and forgiven me....but I knew I couldn't treat her as bestie further becoz I didn't got that feeling anymore but as she has went so much becoz of me I stayed with her and started talking again but when I told her truth that I can't be her best friend but remain as friend she didn't agreed and said she will kill herself if I left

[@junglebull2635]

Being manipulated by someone who doesn’t even realize is worse in some ways than someone who knowingly does it.

[@thatcrazyhindu]

But most of the time even if you tell somebody what they are doing is wrong there will be no change, distance is the only way

[@baeldaikokuten_yj6792]

@@thatcrazyhindureally true, I experienced that

[@appleitree]

Timestamps : I tried😅 0:47 what is DARVO 1:27 2017 study 1:55 Darvo in Action 2:11 Attack 2:28 Reverse victim and offender 3:06 Tips for coping with Darvo 3:54 why education is important 4:10 plushie

[@noonegirl]

Thank you 😊

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for the timestamps!

[@appleitree]

@@Psych2go Ladies and Gentlemen, Children of all ages! I got a reply from a channel having 10 Million Subscribers..😅😭😭😭thank you 😭😭😭

[@crystalfire5564]

@@appleitreeGood job! I especially liked that you included the plushie.

[@yukio_saito]

Well done 🙂

[@BlueMushroomyayay]

The part where she explained how the reverse victim and offender part and what they said sound like what my mom has been saying that I’m a cruel daughter for even thinking or “it hurts to hear your child hates you” or calling me selfish for even having emotions and compares my situation to literally any other human being and saying I have nothing to be sad about

[@Mochi-re8cv]

Same I’m isolating myself and my family is telling me that they are sorry for me that I’m so sad and they are sad that I “hate “them like whaht ? I’m perfectly fine and happy with isolating myself and is it selfishness that I need a lot of time recover and rethink and chill ? They always want emotional support that I can’t provide all the time I’m not the mother of this family I can’t be a sunshine all the time my parents also need to take responsibility for their own feelings and the feelings of my siblings …..sorry that I just vented on you 😅

[@BlueMushroomyayay]

@@Mochi-re8cv Dw I vented to a vid and hope things turned out better for you

[@Mochi-re8cv]

@@BlueMushroomyayay aww Tysm hope things turn out better for you asswell 🌺

[@user-zs9ux1ru8u]

It feels so gross seeing that now as an adult, you see how fragmented your friendship was and didn't realize you were a victim in the end

[@kuroyuuep]

I've seen two types of manipulation. One is the manipulation where the manipulator tries to manipulate you with words that will try to gain your trust. The secone one is the manipulation which is more like a threat way. This type of manipulation is where the victim didn't realize or had realize that she/he/they are being manipulated.

[@Psych2go]

I think it's always scary when you don't realize you're being manipulated 😱😱

[@eleichcommunity1653]

What kind of words could make you trust the manipulator?

[@LunaTheLoonySeodriew]

@@eleichcommunity1653there's a lot of things they can say, usually it's empty promises though. They seem genuine in most cases but whenever it benefits them the promise was "never made"

[@tonymintz8537]

Defintely write down or record the event; especially if the abuse is both chronic and/or within the same household as you. I started doing this about a week ago as a way to recollect what all has happened when I grew up at home, and it put a lot of things into perspective being able to see and hear myself talk these things out when they were denied of even happening for so long.

[@seeexy]

yeah 💚

[@leonel1982]

Something that really saved my bacon was recording my ex's argument with my phone. It was a forest-from-the-trees situation so when I stepped away, I listened to the argument again and was able to pick out some really disturbing stuff I didn't notice in the heat of the moment, along with a record of some of their manipulations. I'm so damn grateful I had the wherewithal to record that conversation because it was instrumental in solidifying my decision to break up with my ex and I am so much happier today.

[@snail.light.lover69]

thank you for bringing awareness to this! I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one who has gone through this, as I felt so alone during the emotional abuse I went through many times. Thank you for this video! ❤

[@Kaitou_UTTVM]

Yes i agree with you.

[@Psych2go]

Thanks for your comment. How are you doing now? Have you had a chance to talk to a mental health professional regarding your abuse?

[@snail.light.lover69]

@@Psych2go I have! Shortly after I was able to escape my ex bff's tight abusive grip on me I got a therapist and have been doing better since! ^^ Thanks for asking.

[@ayeshajulekha6889]

power to you@@snail.light.lover69

[@ArtairMcKinley]

After escaping an abusive relationship with my assailant who’s a covert narcissist, I dedicate myself to becoming more educated on narcissism because DARVO is a common tactic narcissists and abusers alike will utilise, and is what my assailant/abuser used against me. I’ve been in therapy for 9 almost 10 months, nearly a year liberated from that toxic relationship, yet it still hurts so much every now and then. I don’t know why this video is suddenly tugging at my heart strings but it is

[@SteinadlerYT]

Manipulating is bad. Helping people by showing them new ways is the right way.

[@Lolodid72]

According "Fabien Olicard" a french mentalist that do KZbin Videos and also published some books (and 1 about mental manipulations), all types of manipulation are not wrong in fact the manipulation itself is neutral (eg. crediting someone) it's its author that aim for a specific result. Malicious people uses manipulations as they can't do otherwise to achieve their goal and this is the reason why so many people thinks it's bad : Most manipulators have bad intentions. But it's a bias to think that all of them are the same.

[@Mochi-re8cv]

Exactly

[@RyanNerdyGamer]

My father has always been like this; in fact, I’m convinced he’s the reason my mother turned out this way, as she never used to be so manipulative, hurtful, and controlling. The worst part? My mother is only like this in his presence, meaning this whole family dynamic is one emotionally toxic spill away from the familial equivalent of an ecological disaster. When it reaches the point that the designated scapegoat/support pillar sees the family they’ve wasted years trying to maintain as a lost cause, you know something’s gotta change… All I know is that if (or more accurately _when)_ I completely remove myself from this chaotic family dynamic, the whole thing is gonna collapse. And it will be messy. And I’ll feel both distressed _and_ relieved… because what’s one more self-paradox in the wake of three decades of abuse if it means actual and lasting healing and prosperity? This family’s always been a hot mess of dysfunction, not just between my parents but throughout the whole unit, on both sides, and a lot of it seems multi-generational, given the secrets upon secrets, lies upon lies, BS upon steaming and stinking BS… I don’t even know how families are truly supposed to work, outside of what I’ve witnessed on television and the _very few_ times I’ve been exposed to unfamiliar family units, many of which have felt… strange, to say the least. No adult should ever feel true unconditional love as a rare or unusual phenomenon, and yet I always feel weirded out when someone is truly and genuinely compassionate to me, perhaps because it isn’t something I’ve known in this family… and it kinda bites, y’know? Why must One so loving be so unloved? Who decided this was fair? How can this kid have carried such burden… and never been given a fair go? ❤️‍🩹

[@labyr1nth838]

We should just take a moment to thank Psych2go for how much she cares for our mental health. She has helped more people than we could ever know. Thanks Psych2go to making mental health a topic we can more comfortably discuss, learn and talk about. 😊

[@Psych2go]

😊😊

[@eesamees]

it's a group of people! :)) if you're talking about the voice actor her name is Amanda Silvera! but there are all kinds of writers and animators and directors involved to bring us entertaining and educational psychology tidbits :D

[@markcommissions4709]

I've been in a darvo relationship before and I can stand by all these facts being true, I remember when I finally left I said (literal quote) "I dont know why I feel off but I just dont like something about you so Im leaving" only after I left did I get educated on darvo... And I love my brain for telling me that the friendship was wrong without me even knowing this manipulation tactic. ❤❤❤❤ Keep spreading awarness it helps so many people!!!!

[@lancenethken5299]

This is also a good reminder not to become emotionally abusive yourself, don’t be so quick to deny responsibility, genuinely reflect on the things someone might be trying to tell you.

[@manuelscalera6080]

Manipulate someone is the worst thing ever, It's not correct to make the victim think about themselves as a problem or something. I think the best thing to do for those people who suffer of Darvo is to help them and like Psych2go said, they need "education". Psych2go thanks so much for your amazing video, keep up like this 😊.

[@natsunakusunagi9214]

im guilty of this. i didnt even realize i was doing it. ended up losing my girlfriend :(

[@KlaxontheImpailr]

As long as you're a little better than your former self, that's still a victory. 👍️🍀

[@agoogleaccount2861]

City halls in Ohio occasionally engage in this behavior we call it the "adult bully technique"

[@Blazey0908]

who ever the artist is i love them

[@royal_lotus8834]

I grew up in emotinal abuse. I also knew something felt wrong but couldn't place it. As soon as i accepted I was in an emotional abuse situation. I started to see the patterns. And learn to deal with them. first you need to accept that your in an emotianl abuse then you can learn to understand it and see the emotinal abuse Darvo was also one of them.

[@maximvandepoll3008]

As someone who recently got out of a mentor-student relation like this, I can safely say that this video is 100% accurate. Thankfully, my family managed to see through the asshole's lies and got me out of there ASAP. Hell, my dad's not done with him, and now the asshole can't do his "profession" anymore in my entire country.

[@teacupanimates]

yup, this has happened to me. toxic friends are among the worst thing that can happen to a person. sadly i know this from experience

[@koromone]

Language is very powerful. Watching this video made me realize that every single time I have spoken up about an experience with emotional abuse, the perpetrator employed the DARVO technique. Wow. This video just made me spot a sick pattern that I am now going to break.

[@Morastbiene]

Thank you for talking about this! DARVO is a very common form of manipulation in narcissistically abusive relationships. I've experienced it too with my former "best friend" who tried to psychologically dismantle me after his attempts to wreck my home didn't work out as planned. The gaslighting and cognitive dissonance was so extreme that I thought I was going insane and that I was to blame for everything. Educating oneself, taking time to heal and staying as far away as possible from those kind of toxic people is the only way out.

[@Rakanarshi2]

This was used against me in a long friendship that slowly turned sour. Got asked if I was working the next day, said I will let you know. Ask the next day when I don't get work and get ignored until they give me a message saying they are just picking up their kid. After an hour get no response, since they live close I was wondering whats up. Send a message, get told to "stop txting as they are busy". I asked why not just say that in the first place? Why tell me you are picking up your child in place of "I have other plans". Get told I am using their child against them and that I am a manipulator. Left them after that.

[@tm8147]

The patern is there but recognize it is really a hard task... From experience i can tell, the moment you now this information and recognize the clear paterns in things like actions and words used by the abuser, you are aware of the constant change in the situation but finally and THANKFULLY you see this from an outside perspective and regain calm again to think straight. Sometimes i wish abusers just didn't exist, it would save time and the mental health of many people honestly. Learning this things was very importart for me, thanks for the video! ❤️

[@kaylathomander5189]

I’ve never heard of this term before but I’m glad that I know it now. This is definitely something that I’ve experienced personally and I hope others can recognize this if they are experiencing this as well.

[@misst1928]

I think this is one of those things we are all guilty of doing at some point in our lives, doesn't make it right just making an observation.

[@robertvojtek9747]

Thank you for these, everytime she just yelled or started an argument out of nowhere, it didnt end iuntil i just sat there and apologized and said whatever she wanted to hear just so she stopped. Bringing up later that it hurt me was even worse because she just yelled at me more saying how can i do this to her, that she trusted me, that i am not allowing her to "feel emotions". I felt like i was losing my mind. Her constantly yelling, blame and crying out of nowhere. She had a tough childhood that would leave anyone traumatized and i thought what i am doing is helping stopping her from crying being patient and reassuring. Its still hard because we basically lived together (5 days and nights a week) and did so much stuff together but holy hell i should have gone from there so much sooner. Looking back her flirting with me while still being with her boyfriend, her accepting his invintation to spain for 3 weeks with his family and breaking up with him there on the first week and starting to date me a week later (still on the trip) her later on painting him as an abuser, traumatizer to the point that she cried for how toxic he was and then when i see them interact a month later she is just toxic and annoying to him, hashsah her friend even started dating him and they are still dating, her friend even dropped her because she was still toxic to him. She cried about that too asking me if she really is so toxic, and i said no, i wanted to say yes but i was scared she is gonna yell at me. How the hell i didnt take any of these seriously i cant help but laugh and cry because few red flags is fine. But she was basically shoving them down my throat. What broke me and still haunts me is that after a year and a half of doing chores, getting her food, baking her cakes, being there for her everytime she cried and doing basically anything she asked for, when i was sad and wanted her to stop yelling and arguing with me so much she told me straight to my face "I am not here to help you with your incecurities or your emotions, go to therapist for that"......and i fucking believed her, i fucking believed that me being sad about her constantly yelling and not doing anything for me is an incecurity and went to the fucking therapist. After that i just lost it and yelled at her for which is she now spreading that i am an abuser, agresive and that i caused her trauma. (yeah this last part sounds aggresive and thats because it is, i didnt raise my voice and was nothing but kind and understanding and for that to be labeled as an abuser after she tells me i dont matter is still infuriating and hurts so much). If anyone is reading this and the have a partner with childhood trauma that does simular things constantly remember that you cant help, you did enough, if they cant change, if they dont want to go to therapy, if they dont have literrally no empathy YOU CANT HELP. As much as they cry yell and beg YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH IN THIS CASE. They dont want to and cant change.

[@LastEarBender]

DARVO would appear to be somewhat common these days

[@HalloWitch93]

I was trapped in a long-distance relationship like this for three years. :( Thankfully I took the bold step of blocking her two months ago and even though I'm still recovering from all that trauma, I'm feeling so much better now than I ever did before.

[@MoonBeamLight]

The art is so cute and pretty 💕

[@cubbeykitten8863]

It mostly with my sister when she would yell at me for not doing what she wanted me to do.And would blame me for my needs,And when I would try to defend myself.She would just guilt trip me,and it will make me shutdown and go quiet the rest of the way.Only later when I will try to forget,My mom will remind me of the event.And I will start to cry,Only to get judge by her and my family.Then they act so surprised or upset when I snap or isolate from them.💔

[@jancervenka6390]

Im hearing about this for the first time. Quite interesting. And sad.....

[@yara7331]

What if I'm the bad guy in this story? I have the feeling that I often act manipulatively in conflict situations. Sometimes it's only after an argument that I realize that I've unconsciously attacked a clear weakness in the other person, and I feel bad afterwards. Still, this happens to me quite often. What can i do?

[@sheenafrancesmiscreola902]

Following this question. I also feel like this, I try to express my emotions, but I end up turning into that type of person in the video if I'm not being listened to. And it just hurts, I love them, but I hope they listen when I get hurt, the same way I do to them. I hate turning bad. What would be the right course to this?

[@alternateuniversescollidde313]

The only thing that comes to mind because there can be many different factors that could cause a DARVO reaction and it may not exactly be DARVO that your enacting would be to see a professional counselor or therapist. They can help you figure out what strategies to use when you are upset to avoid such a reaction. A good tip though when your preparing to have an argument with a person is to craft your body language so you don’t feel defensive or vulnerable. This is typically seen as sitting down across from the person with something in between like a table. Having a drink with you and food too while you converse can help you feel less vulnerable and give you a way to divert energy when hearing something you disagree with like biting into a cookie or taking a long sip of tea

[@coming2getu64]

I've experienced this most of my life and changing this has been hard, thanks for making this and sharing ✌️💪💜

[@Ann_Mellow09]

I need this mate. i used to have friends who used to manipulate me i left them. my life didn't get any better. i'm still trying to get good friends. but i'm too scared to trust anyone anyone anymore. i blame myself, now i have become such an introvert. idk if i'll ever be how i used to be.

[@RayPeng-07]

OMG this sounds so sneaky and so serious. I never heard about DARVO before :O Again one of the very most important episodes you ever made.And yes... I can some times forget, but indeed. I MATTER and everyone matters who reads this now and watches the video. :*

[@cherylmoche4744]

This happens mostly between senior junior relationships at work... I have seen this happen so many times

[@SuperJSM]

I clicked on this video wanting to know if I was a manipulative person without realising, and now.... I'm realising now I could be a victim.

[@Celeste.02]

Google sucks at answering my questions so I'll ask it here- So I've been aware of The DARVO tactic for a while now and I'm noticing that this has been happening between me and my parents a lot. I don't quite know if this really is DARVO or not but they often gaslight me and make me doubt myself a lot. They also tend to say things like "Oh, you don't love your father anymore", "You never spend time with us", "How could you hate me so much", ETC and blaming me for a lot of the family issues. At first, I didn't even notice I could be being manipulated until I discussed the topic with my friend and I realized her parents treat her a lot more different than mines. She actually even sent me this video to prove it. (Thank you so much for making this) I want to try "Coping" with this as you said and "Counter Attack" them but I just find myself so stuck in finding ways to talk and whenever I do, I stutter a lot and talk really quietly (Cause That's just how I talk) and they almost seem to not hear what I'm saying and continue blaming me. I don't know if they're just manipulating me more or they genuinely cannot hear me. Anyways, my question was, how can I get my parents to ACTUALLY hear what I say and realize they're really hurting me without them hurting me right back?

[@hisenseks]

Well I understand you, I only recently, 2 years a go understood how manipulative and abusive my pearents are. You can express them how you feel, but if they continue to blame you for everything, then unfortunately, there is no cure for them. You have to protect your heart and mind, there is no point for reasoning if they don't show any underatanding and change. They even can use your words against you. Best way is to set boundaries with them. When they start to blame you for no reason ,just say that you have to go.

[@imcherylynn]

I think something that can be even worse is trying to educate someone who doesn’t want to be. Trust that I’ve tried.

[@isaiahjohnson9905]

Its so funny that this came out today. Last night my extended "family" tried to do this to me when i was trying to open up to her about the dangers that another family member was posing to my nuclear family, ask her to convince the person to stop and help protect everyones peace.... but she just went on to shout and repeat, saying that whatever it was is my fault and refering to something in the past years ago, not even correctly. I realized the manipulation at that time and blocked. If something ends up happening i can refer to the legal authorities. (Edit: I didnt even get to say what was needed, so why bother with any futher communication)

[@Rakanarshi2]

Sucks when you notice them doing that hey, damn. Better to cut them out of your life permanently.

[@jenezethgamertv2815]

Isang mapagpalang salamat at marami akong natutunan

[@jandoerlidoe3412]

Thank you for posting ... My mother was a DARVO master....

[@jonathanstrand2474]

It all changed for me when the narcissist in my life was malignant, for that type, NOT having communication at all is the most effective. But especially not doing verbal. This person is renter, separate building, and most fortunately, no friends in common with me & he, that he could manipulate. I thought he was a friend, but his foot in the door changed everything, the gaslighting began. As I learned more about narcissists, 18 month period…..and empaths (me) I realized my autism spectrum and auditory learning disability was enabling me being a magnet for narcs. Boundaries are set verbally, I never could do that. In retrospect, real friends, over a 45 year period, I can count on just one hand. And they have all passed away. If you think they are, act on it, banish doubt, assert yourself…..if you can, and if not go silent or get away. The narc is incapable of reform, their minds don’t work like benign normal people

[@mbots-ent]

incredible production quality as usual. can you consider making a video about what might happen when a psychopath meets a dark empath?

[@drewo.127]

Thank you. Sincerely, thank you.❤️

[@HugoYogurt]

this is quite helpful, i can definitely use this in the future for specfic things

[@slwwepwy]

After being manipulated like this it's nice to see information about it so I can understand what it was

[@vulcana7960]

I see these signs in my friend, they’re probably being manipulated by another friend of theirs that has so many red flags. It’s very obvious from outside perspective but when you’ve known someone for a long time…..it flies over your head. Idk, my friend acted similarly to this when I told them about it, but I know it was picked up else where. God, wish people could see more red flags from here, thanks for this video!

[@shady_goose]

Thank you for this video.❤ I thought everyone’s mom was like this.

[@MarcRocks1]

Never thought this literally explained why I’ve the certain situations I’ve been in, If I hadn’t subbed I wouldn’t have known this.

[@kirtthelander6912]

Thank you for this. This fits my father perfectly.

[@ethanjensen1445]

Thanks for tips!

[@lamMeTV]

will help in the future!

[@mandygrrrl]

My father and birth family do this to me when I speak up about my father's abusive behavior. I'm the family scapegoat.

[@Mystic_Potato583]

Ahh, so there was a name for what was done to me. Thank goodness I managed to escape... Thank you so much. Your content really helps me understand things better.

[@baeldaikokuten_yj6792]

That’s exactly the friend who brought me down last year. I’m happy I’m not close to her, and she accidentally find out that I think that she is a narcissist but that was so many months ago. I feel so much better when I’m not close to her anymore. I have high expectations for good friends but I try to avoid talk about anything that causes distress in conversation with my better friends. I don’t know how people normalise it 😢 It’s crazy because I’m PSL (peer support leader) and I have to help my classmates but this year I’m more introverted than last year 😅 today, I’m extremely happy that I was able to help a little but when people just look at me, I either panicked or get anxious because I have no idea what they think of me. This is why I prefer to be quiet

[@Axololts_]

This happened to me sadly, we had been friends for over 2 years until i figured out only a few months ago that he had been stalking me, blaming everything on me and just downright accusing me of hurting my other friends (im 14), im glad to see that im not the only on going though this pain Please contiune your work and bring this to more people, great video too

[@waqasshah746]

Set strict boundaries and get healthy emotional support to survive until you are independent to escape this mental prison.

[@chriscunningham8807]

Earplugs and headphones help. Empty vessels make the most noise could be the mantra for the raging narcissist terrorising a string of victims who offended them by telling the truth.

[@Kytetiger]

In the last two years, I've finally understood that my mother was manipulating the narrative, but she is doing it completely unconsciously. Thanks to this video, I can put a word on this toxic relationship. On the other hand, the proposed solutions are complicated to put in place. It's financially complicated at the moment, so I can't take my distances. And education won't help. i'm not as clever as her, and I've already seen my mother argue and win against university professors using pure logic and brute reasoning. It was impressive and scary, and I don't want to be on the wrong side.

[@coreydavis4106]

family coworkers and friends have treated me in such a manner and im not sure if they realise it or not. its truly troublesome and part of why i isolate so heavily anymore :/

[@RockingRebelYell]

I really needed this video

[@VintageBalderdash]

My step-mom told me about darvo when I was venting about my biological mother. I’m a very articulate guy, and am constantly confronting mother with her gaslighting and narcissistic abusive behavior, but once step-mom mentioned DARVO, I thought “wow, that hit the nail on the head.” Even after all these years I never said it better myself.

[@thegodhoward8037]

I needed this

[@jordanu467]

Sometimes people do this because they aren’t emotionally strong/mature enough to be able to accept that they did something wrong. They think admitting that they’re wrong makes them look like a bad person.

[@brain_respect_and_freedom]

D.A.R.V.O. Deny🚨Attack🚨and Reverse Victim and Offender🚨

[@kokomagdy6717]

The best chanel to ever exist😁😊😌 (:

[@muppetfan77show26]

I know that feeling 😔

[@sassit8064]

My dad and sister do this.. such loving people...

[@niasiamack9333]

So helpful thanks

[@sonjakrsmanovic4470]

Emotional abuse happened to me together with physical from my ex partner , but I was also emotionally manipulated by my friends who thought because I am single now that they can play around with me. This is so real don't let it happened to you and watch out for the warning signs. Thank you psych2go for these and all the other videos they are a great deal of help to me .❤️❤️😊😊

[@unordinaryjoker3709]

Step one get into any kind of relationship: none sobs

[@tgonfluffyg8395]

Yet again you listed off things I’ve felt with when I was younger. Is the next stuff up psyical abuse when two narcissist fight and the loosing one takes their anger out on their kid that reminds them the most of the other spouse?

[@pentike5391]

Please make PSI available in the EU 😊 it's so cute!

[@Dr.Chaos2]

once again, youtube has made me realize my situation is worse than i thought. thanks- no really- this is really helpful, so i know what all i'm dealing with.

[@Dr.Chaos2]

@@watynecc3309 can't do anything really, except get better friends

[@KentPatriot]

Hey, just interested how far you've progressed since leaving your comment. I remember leaving a similar comment and embarked upon a quest for knowledge. I've always kept an open mind and been willing to change myself for the better, which is how I decided my failed marriage actually wasn't my fault. I came across all the info when I searched "leaving a marriage you don't want to leave". I didn't realise at the time, I was the only one who ever felt anything! Hope you find peace.

[@crusherbmx]

I knew it was happening to me and I still questioned what I did wrong.

[@TheFallenStar64]

Oh..that explains alot..

[@Coryraisa]

I had this in a workplace situation a long time ago.

[@martintoth2155]

Wow. Thank you for the video. Im in the recieving end of DARVO in my relationship. My gf is kinda toxic. She break up with me in a year ago. She now wants to come back. But she doing DARVO, heavily remembering me of the good old times, and our past arguments.

[@Absolhunter251]

I have definitely been in DARVO. In my relationships, friendships and family.. and it's hard to escape it. My family uses it against me that it's for my own good to be treated this way. So I have been in silence since. Even in my current age, I'm still a victim. But my family uses it still on me. I want to get out.

[@greenmix6586]

Just read the manga which contained something similar recently. It’s called Last message and it has some good twists to it

[@aliceronnie2796]

2024 has proven to already begin on a positive note. This is the first time I have ever heard of DARVO. It is exactly what myself and my grandchildren are living through with my eldest son. We are all living under one roof currently and he is using this tactic of manipulation. He has been using this on my grandchildren for more than five years, but just started with me when they needed help and came to stay with me for a short time. It was supposed to be less than three months and then has gone into a year already. This is extremely upsetting and sad for me because I don’t know how he became like this. I’m sure it’s mental illness. But what happened? How did this come to be? Either way, I have shared this with my eldest granddaughter, and we will work on trying to call this out to him but we are also working with a therapist

[@yuugihasgalaxy]

Díky!

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for your extra support in our work and mission!

[@Sheer37111]

Getting out of manipulation station with this one

[@jotusmas4038]

As a victim of emotional abuse by my ex, thank God she is now my ex, it's still taking so much time to recover.

[@hisenseks]

Imagine if that's your family..

[@chelsey_ratidzo]

I recently discovered that someone I thought loved me was gaslighting me and pulling the “this is so you remember when..” 💔

[@VexGorgon]

I have a close friend who does this, mostly towards me but I'm not entirely sure if she does it to anyone else. Worst part is, I don't think she even realizes she's doing it. I know she was emotionally abused growing up, so that might be part of it. It sucks because for a while, she was one of my best friends but I've had to distance myself from her because of it and I'm at a point where I'm too scared to open back up to her about anything. We're still friends though. Just hoping that she'll get the help that she clearly needs soon

[@galletgaming]

This what has been happening with me brother, luckily though it hasn’t been very effective due to my past experiences. As if it were genetic me and him have a need to win but I’ve was taught(forced to lose at everything in order to make me realize) it’s not that important but he will pull out everything to win, even acting like it never happened, happened differently, or he was me and I was doing his stuff. Luck thing is my mother is planning on doing it with him, she may get the teachers involved again but it’s not as bad for him at school.

[@WARD5KUSTOMZ]

Yes.

[@eastridge09]

My mother did this with me when I made a post about my religious trauma growing up.

[@bipbapboop1140]

my parents tried to use darvo on me when i came forward with being abused by one of them to the other. Checkmate, because denial and shame are what I had already felt in my 6 years of silence, lol. I'm over that.

[@cristyorosco748]

Help me a lot

[@thevikingbeard89]

It's hard to tell sometimes who starts it or if it's happening. Last girl I dated got on me about not texting enough. I expressed i wanted more time in person and texting all day doesn't work with my work and really i dont know what to say half the time other than "nice lol" when she tells me something about a coworker. Ive learned over communication can kill interest and that seems to me what happened because I had started strong trying to see her in person more but that wasn't working. Then she would text a lot that really seemed like killing the time rather than substance. I asked her to come over and she'd say no at times because of something coming up but if she asked to come over and I'd say yeah, that wasn't energetic enough. When I tried to support my side she got defensive and made it seem like im the problem. Yet we still werent focusing on when we could have time together as was the main issue. Maybe I am the problem. All i know is the last day, I did text her more while she was at work but I also had my day off. Asked her over again, like 3 days in a row and she said no, we should end this. So I tried giving her more of what she wanted but still not enough. I was tired of being in a situation where i saw the person 1 maybe 2 times a week. I didn't feel texting all week was building a connection.