Be historian in the year 3023

[@burialgoods]

Part 2: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gJzGk5iDo7GWapI

[@MelancholyZeitgeist]

Lesgoooooo

[@Nothing-1w3]

“rizzler gyatt fanum tax… sigma ohio skibidi”

[@hunterprt1274]

@@Nothing-1w3 Sigma Ohio Skibidi Indeed

[@cIappo896]

I could listen to your narration all day long, especially this type. Incredibly calming

[@ARandomTexan]

ya

[@fernandomarques5166]

Remember people, as miniminuteman said before, "for ritualistic purposes" is archeologist for "we have have no f*cking idea what it's used for"

[@IceFireofVoid]

"Artefact used in fertility rituals" is archeologist code for adult toys.

[@traskforge]

@@IceFireofVoid i love the imagery of a bunch of future space archeologists huddled around a 20 inch horse dildo giggling but trying to take this obviously very important fertility symbol seriously

[@abel6298]

Read your bible! (KJV, preferably) ♥‎‎ ‎

[@solarolli1951]

​@@abel6298why would you read the worse translation of the book?

[@puny_human6936]

@@abel6298what if im atheist

[@justsomedude5727]

I always love imagining archaeologists finding graffitti like "TJ rulez da streets" then thinking "TJ must have been a powerful king of this time"

[@GenericClient]

Lol

[@laayiv9449]

I'm surprised we haven't found any ancient graffiti that could translate to "I am the true king" or "This street belongs to me", surely people would still do that.

[@lsthero5863]

We found many graffitis un ancient cities, and we know that people in the past was so disrespectful for t'he public spaces as we àre now. But they àre useful. We found a graffiti on popeye where two brothers claimed to have done It with two sisters and It gives us a lot of information about how coloquial latin was. T'he històrians are very rigurous un their job, and even if t'he "I dont know what is this, so It must be religious" is more true than It should be, Its something its starting to slowly change.

[@laayiv9449]

@@lsthero5863 Why are there so many apostrophes and the other thing in your message

[@The_Darke_Lorde]

​@@laayiv9449Probably roleplaying someone who has a modified future English fluency. Those extras are what future English speakers might use

[@bananasauz4337]

My favorite part is the dramatic irony present in the ending. Presumably the “Cyber-repository” is a way to store data in an electronic way, very similar to our current day internet. Someday even the civilization this explorer belonged to will also fall, and their Cyber-repository, possibly the biggest collection of records and data that their civilization had, will be inaccessible or incomprehensible to the people who come later, exactly like the internet.

[@nightsong81]

👍

[@lovestruck5346]

I was gonna make this same comment! It's such a clever ending, I love it.

[@cara-seyun]

And for us, it’s how we scan books and magazines and photos so they won’t degrade

[@mikaruyami]

Kind of reminds me of the MegasXLR episode "Libraries"

[@renhaker]

So the explorer was just a journalist with advanced tech 🤔

[@DavidJCobb]

that final line is at _least_ two punchlines in one and i love it the pride in "successfully" preserving the secrets of the Anglos and the narrator obliviously making the exact same mistake that led to the Anglos leaving no written records behind

[@pustota7254]

Your comment got liked 69 times.

[@CyberCraft]

504@@pustota7254

[@Dogo.R]

Of course the internet is physically perserved. Just read off the storage devices by decyphering the protocol like a language. A physical hard drive is as real as a book. Its data just gets transfered temporarily for viewing via the internet.

[@aykarain]

@@Dogo.R how tf would they even realise thats the thing its stored in though

[@LittleWhole]

@@Dogo.R JEDEC would like to have a word with you because apparently your hard drives contain the secret to stopping bit rot

[@Camlling]

“They were encouraged to write these thoughts down in a ritual called shitposting” was brilliant

[@KeenanAxolotl]

I just love the concept of future historians completely misunderstanding today's culture.

[@fragrantdeco3579]

Like a few other commenters are saying, "Motel of the Mysteries" by David Macaulay would be right up this alley. I went to my local library about a year ago and had them get it on loan from a library in the network. Great read. Finished it in 3 hours.

[@nunocampea2395]

and with the misinformation we've been spreading for the last few years (swaping races of important historical figures for example) we're making they'r jobs even harder. i realy dont want to be an historian...

[@warlordofbritannia]

@@nunocampea2395 Being a historian is fun, if you’re into spending hours going over barely legible scribbles from 18th century bureaucratic manuscripts only to figure out later that they are completely useless for your thesis.

[@nunocampea2395]

@@warlordofbritannia damn

[@electricay]

​@@nunocampea2395omg are future ppl gonna be actually confused about races

[@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth]

Imagine visiting Disney Land and seeing all these statues and murals to a pantheon of animal-headed gods.

[@EffortlessAnimations]

Egypt 2.0

[@SandwitchZebra]

> visit the ruins of an ancient castle, surrounded by fairgrounds of wildly differing themes > see a giant man statue of a man in a suit holding the hands of a short being with giant ears of unknown origin > perhaps a depiction of first contact with an extraterrestrial civilization > explore the castle > see many images of drawings of women wearing dresses > no doubt a memorial to honor the sacrifices to this civilization in exchange for possible peace > look around and see many depictions of the alien creature from the statue, including what appears to be a female version and a mallard-like creature > look out the windows of the castle > see skeletons littered across the castle grounds, all in odd locations > some are in a vehicle on top of a large array of tracks, likely a torture device > come to the conclusion that these were the ruling grounds of another civilization interacting with the Angelos > leave > look back at the castle > think about what civilization could have arrived on the planet without the overlords knowing > take a note to put the overlords on alert regarding this seemingly hostile civilization

[@trianglemoebius]

​@@SandwitchZebra This basically happens in Stellaris! It's a 4x game, and a big part of it is finding ruins of dead civilisations on other planets. One of them starts with you finding what appears to be some kind of ancient site, and then when when you check it out it tells you: "The structures on [Planet] are not as old as we first believed. It seems to be a playground or amusement park of some sort. Science Officer [Name] notes that [...] it looks mostly like a place where you would take your young and let them amuse themselves."

[@Epic_Gamer1521]

@@EffortlessAnimationsI was about to say that

[@埊]

Egyotl ver nahui.

[@eliseosterbrink8000]

The majestic golden arches was fucking amazing. What a wonderful piece of speculative literature.

[@jffry890]

It actually took me a minute to realize it was a McDonalds. Then the joke really came through.

[@Zahn-rad]

The funny thing is the McDonalds golden arches are more recognized than the Christian Cross. Possibly the inspiration

[@rubentelur]

​@@Zahn-radi think you're wrong there buddy

[@americanmapper2445]

​@@rubentelurMcDonalds exist in almost all countries. Christianity, not so

[@rafaelsantosnovais7813]

​@americanmapper2445 doesn't mean it is more recognizable though. By the same argument the swastika wouldn't be recognizable

[@Pixelcraftian]

genuinely i would love to see more misinterpretations like this it's awesome

[@newspacia]

ikr

[@Yoyiiii]

how did this never gain traction

[@escoosy1763]

dude how does this comment only have 3 replies

[@DarkEcho32]

I like how he comes to a somewhat accurate conclusion through the wrong evidence at the end there

[@skeletonbuyingpealts7134]

That's probably what we do

[@MoaRider]

This is genuinely fascinating. The idea of completely benign objects being mistaking for highly important religious artifacts thousands of years in the future, long after human civilization has ceased to be in its current form is often used for jokes, but I can actually see it happen. Imagine if aliens discovered some NEET's anime figure collection? They'd probably they're were idols honoring human gods and infer that the large skeleton slump over a nearby desk covered in hentai stickers was the remains of a devote monk.

[@mrohno7149]

Oh god. Its scary because i can see that happening. What would they think of the “pony jar”

[@clankcrimson9413]

​@@mrohno7149true devotion.

[@nou7009]

@@mrohno7149 and offering to the gods for fertility

[@pyrioncelendil]

Whenever an archaeologist assumes something ancient had religious significance, it means they have absolutely no idea wtf they're talking about.

[@turnipking5152]

Wheni first read your post I thought the skelton was covered in hentai stickers, I'm dumb. But I couldnt help but laugh. I just kept thing of someone finding a skelton after the apocalypse and covering it in hentai stickers. I now have a new life goal Setp 1 survive apocalypse Step 2 find corpses Step 3 cover said corspes in stickers This is now all I ever want to accomplish in life, get married nah, havekids, not for me. I'm gonna desacrate corpses with stickers at the end of the world. Thank you good sir! I now have my own one piece.

[@icouldjustscream]

This makes me wonder how badly we may have misinterpreted ancient civilizations. What were the Egyptians and Incas REALLY up to?

[@jerrylim6722]

*time travels back to Ancient Egypt* there's a clean looking building with a hieroglyph that you think stands for a communal gathering place. maybe it's a library of sorts. you go in and approach the counter the guy at the counter: Welcome to Pharaoh's, what can I get you? My god, it's an ancient fast food restaurant.

[@WingMaster562]

Whatever it is, it sure as hell not " aNcIeNt ALieNs".

[@bluemycool]

​@@WingMaster562"THEYRE ALL TRUE. IM AN EXPERT JUST LIKE YOU"

[@glasscardproductions4736]

​@@WingMaster562 The majority of Ancient Aliens theories were made by the Evil Chancellor.

[@glasscardproductions4736]

It certainly wouldn't happen in the 3000s, however. The Early Kingdom of Egypt was old enough to exist at the same time as mammoths.

[@theabsolutecat915]

Reconstructions of a potential Anglo pantheon are mostly hypothetical, but a re-occuring depiction of a demon going by the name "Amon-Gus" point to at least one feared by the population. We assume they were a representation of forbidden secrets, or intrigue as his depictions are often found nestled within other images, with references to travelling via a series of primitive dimensional gates known as "vents". Contemporary sources speak with anger and shock at finding Amon-Gus in images, including a partial transcript of an exasperated man, most likely a noble, condemning the inclusion of Amon-Gus in copies of Meme (their primary religious text) sent to him.

[@nightsong81]

I actually pondered for a while how to work in the trickster/devil figure "Amogus Sus" into the mural, but ultimately concluded it was harder to describe from an outsider's perspective in a decipherable way than the venerable dickbutt.

[@mullerpotgieter]

By salvaging many of the long lost data drives, we've begun reconstructing what the cultures must have been like. Keeping healthy livestock was seen as a mark of pride, even in the last periods of their civilization. These would be bestowed with titles like "chonker" and "heckin chonky boii".

[@danielsimon4542]

It was a warning to “stop posting,” could this man have been a prophet sent to warn them?

[@LiMe251]

After deciphering a predecessor to the picture based language the Anglos called "Emoji", certain scriptures in this language were found making reference to a figure called Amon, it is possible that Amon-Gus started out as a form of Amon, similar to the Amon-Ra found in certain fragmentary sources, but later evolved into a standalone deity It is also theorized Amon-Gus had either followers or an accomplice known as "Sussy Bakas" [etymology unknown, pronounced "Sue-see Buh-kahs"] due to the name of Sussy Bakas showing up somewhat consistently alongside Amon-Gus in the few written and carved records and art pieces we have. Historians who follow the "Follower Hypothesis" point out how certain Anglos who discussed Amon-Gus seemed to have been occasionally referred to as Sussy Bakas by other Anglos [this also creating a much rarer theory that Sussy Bakas was some type of derogatory term], whilst followers of the "Accomplice Hypothesis" point out that some of the recorded we have bring up Sussy Bakas without any reference to Amon-Gus. On a related note, more evidence Anglos worshipped a polytheistic Pantheon has been found, many records were found making reference to a group of Stellar deities known as "Celebrities", the purpose of these deities at the time of the Anglos is not truly known but a wealthy social class the Anglos referred to as "Store workers", who lived together in large homes filled with relics, seemed to worship one known as "Mariah Carey" meaning the Celebrities might've either had multiple roles or were considered to be boon granters of wealth and prosperity. [Note: I was not originally going to add this but, due to complaints of a lack of proof, I shall add it anyway, we know they were Stellar deities because the Anglos would sometimes also refer to them as "Stars", the Anglonese word for Zzýğfŕįțhňőş]

[@unholycrusader69]

This game has ruined my fucking life. I'm going to end it and take you all with me because I can't bear to look at anything anymore. Any shape I see is distorted into amogus, any time I hear the word suspicious, sus, task, vent, report, ANYTHING, human pattern recognition turns it into amogus. I close my eyes and i see amogus, i see jerma985 grinning as the gates of my soul are opened by amogus and I can feel the festering sclunge of words and shapes pour in, filling all that I am with the ringing noise of amogus

[@TeeGee3]

We’ve recently come to the understanding that the Anglo’s were a strong military power in their time. Our biggest piece of evidence comes from an ancient highly populated area. In this area there was a large piece of Anglo architecture that has succumbed to ruin. After investigation of this site we’ve come to the conclusion that this was a large military base due to the expensive and durable armor left behind. Although most of it was destroyed and disheveled, the best preserved pieces were truly interesting. It seems that the Anglo’s would outfit themselves in suits adorned with fur, completely covering their torso and limbs. The more we searched we would notice these suits came in a variety of colors. We suspect that this symbolized their rank in the military hierarchy. What was most intriguing however was the helmets they would wear. The helmets depicted unrealistic faces of Anglo wildlife, such as Dogs, Foxes, and Wolves. The species could deepened on one’s respect or, just like the fur color, rank in the military. The reason for the armor itself is still unknown, but the Empire’s top military historians have theorized that this was to look more intimidating in battle, to show one’s self as a fierce beast. Further inspection of the area shows that this military base could also have been used as a sort of military museum as pieces of paper are thrown around large alleys. After analyzing surviving prints we were able to uncover a piece of artwork depicting two soldiers, a dog licking the feet of a wolf, most likely a show of respect to one’s superior. There’s no doubt that this building was once used to coordinate some of the most important military operations of the time, something that even we today may hopefully be able to take inspiration from in the future.

[@FokoPoko991]

lmao

[@Maximflame611]

As soon as I read "... suits adorned with fur...", I went "hell nah" 💀

[@brobeckskazooremixes8703]

lmaooooo

[@CapitanJorge24]

​@@Maximflame611 same

[@DeltaDanner]

The rarity and complexity of these garments, known colloquially as “fursuits”, shows just how valuable and cherished they were. Truly only men of high status would be allowed to dawn these uniforms and they must have commanded the respect of their contemporaries.

[@corporategunner5972]

> You explore through a brand new area > Skeletons of it's inhabitants are everywhere > Many buildings left and right, now rotting > Each of them hang some sort of flat structure > They all of have the land's distinct language > Art of this land's gods can be found on many of them > Each shared similar distinct features with some differences > Most were female, had large eyes, and small noses > Lots of small figures of said gods were found > Likely as a way for the people here to pray to them > You see and enter one of the buildings > It's completely filled with literature > All of them have art of their deities > You dig through and explore the place > You pick one of the books from a nearby shelf > Heavily damaged and incredibly dirty, colorless > You try to swipe away the dust on it and it's pages > On the back, it depicts a man with spiky hair wearing a blue & orange uniform, holding an orb > Weirdly, all of the books found here are meant to be read in reverse > Likely used by the inhabitants of this land to spread their beliefs > You close the book and keep it to further your investigation > You leave and check another building just next door > Unlike the last place, some people here wore clothes of a black & white scheme > Many different variants of them, some even had weirdly shaped hats with animal-like ears > Likely priests or followers for some kind of religious order > Much of them are holding a glass item, just by the other inhabitants > You enter another nearby building > Many strange machines are found within it > One has arrows on it's floor pointing to different directions > While another one has a stick and multiple buttons > On the side of it depicts a unique creature > A sentient yellow circle with eyes & a mouth > Tired by the thorough investigation, you decide to return > Just before leaving the area, you see upon an old sign > Once again, it's filled with this land's distinct language > There's a word in English present on the sign as well > You notice it and read what it says > "AKIhAbaRa"

[@toragon2736]

You wrote legendary and i understood most of it lol I wish future historians worship goku lol XD

[@yourlocaltoad5102]

I study archeology and those interpretations of normal things as having religious or ritualistic meaning is weirdly accurate.

[@latviankhan2989]

When in doubt about about the uses or significance of the object, it's very often interpreted as a religious object. It's actually a huge problem

[@siraethelwulf8914]

When in doubt, it's ritual

[@FokoPoko991]

Well, I'd say things that we consider regular ARE in some way shape or form ritualistic and we just don't see them as such is because we're deeply immersed in this environment, BUt when you remove this factor of immersion you have to say things out loud to get an understanding.

[@Frosted_Moontips]

I think that's the joke lol

[@Aegis4521]

@windrose5988??

[@Nicarand]

If a future archeologist found the ruins of Disneyland, they would definitely think it was the site of some massive cult / religion that worshipped an anthropomorphic mouse.

[@jman5949]

They wouldn't be wrong. 😂 Have you met some Disney Adults?

[@vez3834]

​@@jman5949 not who you replied to, but I plan on living my life never meeting one.

[@larryfoulkeofficial8609]

I've been thinking the same thing😂💀💀💀

[@ItsChevnotJeff]

It would be separated in three Eras: Genesis: the mouse is without any pgmentation Golden Age: Mouse and other members of the pantheon gain more power and admiration, and spawned many heroes and demigods And Dark ages: A decline of reverence, and eventual down fall of the Mouse

[@w4nderwind999]

it basically is

[@waffles4670]

as cool as it'd be to see more, we're gonna have to wait another thousand years

[@realdragon]

To any future historians how may or may not discover this ancient text I will some of my thoughts: ILiKemeN

[@Sednas]

>be historian from the year 4023 >finally get the green light from the intergalactic council to explore the ruins of Earth's northwestern continent >nobody's set foot there in like a thousand frickin' years >these folks called themselves the "Anglos," like some angsty teenage band name >apparently, they used to speak this language called English or whatever >all we got left is fragments and random crap to figure out their deal >according to the ancient texts, they were obsessed with this god they called "Internet" >basically, it was their source of knowledge and learning, like a digital Bible on steroids >but all their religious practices and beliefs got lost in the chaos of time, damn it >they suddenly stopped writing anything right before they went kaput >now we're left with a bunch of rubble and pre-Internet literature that's only good for making origami >stumble upon the ruins of an old church, and man, it's seen better days >but you can tell it was a church by the friggin' majestic golden arches, fallen but still kinda intact >enter the place, and holy crap, the remains inside are shockingly well-preserved >mummified skeletons chillin' on chairs, heads bowed like they're in a prayer marathon >they're all huddled over burnt-out tablets made of plastic and glass, like they're the holy grail or something >some of these dudes even clutching those little bricks to their chests like their lives depended on it >these people straight-up died while praying, talk about hardcore devotion >above the altar, shattered glass holds fragments of what might've been their holy scripture >too bad it's all scrambled like a jigsaw puzzle at a drunkard's party, so we can't make jack out of it >behind the altar, heaps of bones from acolytes who died doing their religious gig >leave the holiest of holies alone for now, 'cause who knows what kind of booby traps they got set up >find this tiny hallway on the side, covered in enough debris to make Indiana Jones jelly >after hours of digging through the crap without disrespecting the dead, stumble upon a small intact room >holy mother of all discoveries, it's freakin' untouched, like it was put in a time capsule or some crap >a row of these little booths, complete with a basin for cleaning up and a mirror for narcissistic self-reflection >turns out, these booths were where these Anglos would sit and contemplate while taking a dump >but get this, they were encouraged to write down their deepest thoughts, and they called it "shitposting" >can you believe it? They even had a name for it, like they were just unleashing their crappiest thoughts while dropping a load >open the door of the first booth, and what do I see? A friggin' crude mural scratched into the metal, like cave art on acid >it's a strange creature that looks like a phallus on steroids, with an even smaller phallus in-between the cheeks >definitely some fertility symbol, 'cause these folks were desperate to boost their population before biting the dust >move on to the next booth, and holy emoji Batman, there are pictograms all over the friggin' place >these pictograms were like their ancient hieroglyphics, but way dumber >one of 'em is an eggplant followed by three water droplets and a peach >apparently, it was their way of praying for rain to grow their crops during some frickin' drought >they must've been really thirsty, not just for water but for a lot of things, if you catch my drift >after the pictograms, there's this random 10-digit number, like some secret coordinates to a hidden treasure >definitely marking that down for future "archeological research" if you know what I mean >check out the final booth, and guess what? It's got actual English writing, like legit evidence this was their holy freakin' ground >the words on the door say, "FUCKBITcHeSGETMONEY" >hold up, gotta consult my translation notes 'cause these words sound like they're from a different universe >turns out, it's some sort of code, with letters matching chemical abbreviations >we're talking fluorine, uranium, carbon, potassium-poisonous gases, radioactive elements, and even ingredients for making explosives >looks like they had some friggin' obsession with chemical warfare, no wonder they went extinct >this ancient recipe might just be for a dirty bomb, like they were ready to blow their own asses up >but why the hell was it hidden in a meditation booth? Talk about a holy crap surprise >freaked out, I make my way back home to deliver my findings to the intergalactic council >those wise dudes decide the ancient Anglos' secrets are way too dangerous to let loose on the universe >they order us to seal up the ruins once again, like a thousand-year-old time capsule >the Anglos' edgy and shitposty legacy will stay undisturbed, a monument to their deviant and explosive nature >document all my research and memories in our grand cyber-archive, so the Anglos will forever be remembered as the kings of shitposting

[@Tester-sh1mn]

Well that's only for space historians hunting for Anglo history. There are knowledge plunderers and lore looters that the space overlords can't police. Do they do this for fortune, or fun? Where will their knowledge end up? a private space collectors vault or shared with the masses via space pirate communication channels? What of the other cultures whose history fades like the sunset of time...

[@Hollo-weast]

Historians from the future the furrys killed us all

[@Nafinafnaf]

​@@Sednasi like that you imagine in the future formal talk will be like this lol, its funny. And what if normal everyday conversations were the most sophisticated ever Asking how your coworker is doing: "Greetings my fellow colleague, may i ask for information regarding your current condition in life?" "Why yes of course, i shall inform you that i am currently in an excellent condition and i personally think my state of being is currently in a satisfactory state." Meanwhile, writing an exploration request for the intergalactic council to search the anglo remains found 1000 years ago in 3023: "It seems like these dumb dumbs found some old Anglo church or whatever in the northeastern continent of earth, i think we should totally like explore this shithole so we could know stuff i guess"

[@rarity790]

i wanna hear this guy say: "Against all the evil that Hell can conjure, all the wickedness that mankind can produce, we will send unto them... only you. Rip and tear, until it is done."

[@Yggi11]

I'll give the historian this: He respects bygone cultures, and the remains of the dead. Many could learn from his example.

[@BRAZILIAN_MIKU]

>amidst the chaos, you discover one of these religious artifacts that is intact >by miracle it works as you press a button at the side >it displays weird images in little to no brightness >these images have little words written below them >with your little knowledge of English you desperately try to understand one of these little words >suddenly you hit gold >"gallery" >you know that it might mean a place to store art, but you're not sure >you click and the first image that appears is a wall of text, you decide to gamble it >you click on the wall of text and you store all of the text on your photographing machine >suddenly the screen becomes black > you figure it's the machine not functioning anymore >you go back to your base, with the religious artifact safely stored >you start deciphering it >as you decipher every line you notice something strange >it's identical to your experience on the planet >even the year is right >it clicks >the "internet" god foresaw the future in its entirety >even 1000 years into the future, his predictions are correct >you suddenly start worrying about how and why the anglos were wiped out >was it really a drought or something far more sinister? >you come back and report your findings >the space warlords get really interested in the earth >they spend quintillions in a intergalactic operation >they eventually find out the main purpose of the internet is a global joke-sharing platform >tfw you got trolled by a mf that shitposted 1000 years ago

[@nightsong81]

Yo, this is the sequel everyone is clamoring for!

[@yeahok6240]

This is gold

[@RTU130]

Hmm

[@luigi9458]

them space mfers got some bad inflation 😬

[@aRandomFox00]

Got trolled by a trickster god.

[@Dondellamorte1]

If anyone is interested in more stuff like this I would highly recommend "Motel of the Mysteries" by David Macaulay. Its a satirical archaeological novel, much like the premise of the greentext, and is a fantastic read for anyone wanting to be in the field of, or just generally interested in archaeology. So often we will think we found something extraordinary when really it couldn't have been more mundane. For example: I was on a dig in Ecuador excavating some dwellings of the Machalilla people. When all of a sudden we found an area that was really dense with artifacts. PPKs, spondylus beads, worked spondylus, worked mother of pearl, fish hooks, basalt monos and metates, conch drills, beautifully decorated large ceramic sherds, and etc etc. One of the head archs swore up and down that it was a burial or sacrificial/ceremonial site. The other simply stated it was a landfill. The latter wound up being correct, as we dug deeper in the area we found debitage from craft making, as well as random faunal remains; mostly fish with some some butchered mammal bones. You see, when something would break in the house they would just sweep it up and dispose of the larger pieces, but the smaller pieces would often get left behind and crushed underfoot potentially for generations. So this led to the artifacts found inside of the dwellings being incredibly degraded and sparse, whereas the artifacts found in the garbage were exquisitely preserved since they hadn't been touched since they were tossed out. Couple this with the fact that we learned more about their diet, and could begin replicating craft processes based on the debitage being found and the information gleaned from their garbage was actually significantly more helpful than the information coming from their houses. In essence something doesn't need to be cool to be important!

[@nidmyr]

One civilization's trash is another's treasure

[@nightsong81]

That's awesome. You're awesome.

[@jimmynuetronrblx8628]

Bro I remember reading that book in 5th grade

[@project-gladiator]

It's like PIs that look into the investigated's trash. They learn quite a bit from that.

[@us-the-voices]

that's so cool!

[@thesaltdragon]

Fun fact, this concept is kind of a joke in the archaeology community. The whole, "It has to be religion!" thing at least. So so so SO many archaeologists over the years saw something weird (like an entire people going north only to return back to their village shortly after) and went, "wow, religion!" and didn't look any further, only for someone years down the line look at it and say, "No, wait, that was actually a trading post, and they went to trade their crops post-harvest." Unfortunately we don't have all the answers for what happened in the past, so we just use religion as a catch 22 of sorts. It's sad, but that's all we got.

[@haleywilson520]

Reminds me of how colonizers asked Native Americans how they learned to get the sap from the trees to make syrup, they said, "The squirrels taught us." They understood that as some kind of mythology about a squirrel god imparting the knowledge to them, but much later figured out that they meant no, they literally watched the squirrels do it and then went and did it themselves.

[@GeorgeDCowley]

Catch-all, you mean?

[@Jonskipvp]

​@@GeorgeDCowleynot exactly sure but i remember catch 22 being a silly synonym for that

[@GeorgeDCowley]

@@Jonskipvp Catch 22 is when you can't win.

[@Mike5Brown]

@@JonskipvpThere was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane, he had to fly them. If he flew them, he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to, he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.

[@haleywilson520]

this manages to be both incredibly interesting and a witty commentary on how archeologists tend to jump to the conclusion that everything is part of some religion at the same time. plus your voice and the background music are weirdly soothing. Also MISINTERPRETING THE EMOJIS OH MY GOD

[@grafvonscyth2928]

I mean they missed the meaning, but is it not true that Emojis are a pictographic language used in lieu of written script?

[@LieftheDragon]

The fact that they still came to a “devout but violent people” conclusion is still pretty neat

[@enderjed2523]

I’d love to see more of this, the actual quality of thought that’s gone into this is astounding.

[@daringdarius5686]

I'm saying it: not really. Just the quality of most things, especially story telling, has gone downhill. Story telling has been replaced with fancy animations and pictures. Don't get me wrong, some are still great! But when you compare even the top 1% of modern literature to that of the past, we clearly have focused most of our efforts in entertainment on improving TV and not scripts. Unfortunately, nobody cares if you have the greatest story of the century, because it was poorly animated. But if you have a well animated show with even a half-baked story, it'll generate a lot of attention.

[@daringdarius5686]

I'm ready to get roasted, bring it on you plebians *raises fists*

[@MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD]

​@@daringdarius5686 I don't disagree with you. Every time someone in a video mentions what would realistically be a single plotline and 2 pages from a light novel the comments have thousands of thumbs ups attached to: "What a new and original idea, so interesting, please write a book!" or goofy insincere offers to Kickstart something based on whatever they said.

[@--CHARLIE--]

​@@MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD it's because we specifically want that idea now that we've seen it, and usually its specific enough, especially with the way we interpreted it compared to how it may have already been done, that we don't know where to find it. Also light novels tend to be more obscure to begin with.

[@SeanKula]

Yeah, same here. This really made my evening.

[@overdrive4686]

No way, He went to a McDonald’s and found the bathroom, and took it as if was an ancient place of worship, this is genius.

[@AlmostMilk.]

I had interpreted it as a high-school - micky Dee's is funnier

[@roux6715]

@@AlmostMilk.the Golden Arches

[@Melanochrysums]

I thought it was mcdonalds the second i heard the "golden arch" part. This whole video was a ride lmao

[@anthony_de_paz]

@@Melanochrysums Ohhhh that's what it means

[@burp2019]

@@AlmostMilk. what kind of high school has golden arches

[@beancakeeee]

I'd rather future civilizations interpret our existence like this rather than what we actually are

[@gabrielclark1425]

Thankfully, our descendants the Space Overlords are of the same mind.

[@UnkownUnkown01]

They would be disappointed if they found out how we actually were

[@lorenzodiambra5210]

in three years the economic crisis with the new disease will kill the european union and a year later all the other governments will die, after five years of random death there will be the new anarcho-communist civilization, the disease will end and there will be free pizza

[@rebecca_rh]

Maybe past civilizations tought the same

[@mekacrab]

>There is a small circular hole between the booths. It probably acted as a way to communicate between them, like a confessionnal of some sort.

[@priniz]

Fun fact, it's a common thing and a meme between archeologists and historians that when they don't know what something was used for, they just assume it was a religious/ritual object. A known example of this is the Roman dodecahedron, no one knows nowadays what it was used for.

[@FractalNinja]

There's been people saying it's a knitting tool for making gloves and the holes are for checking finger size 😅

[@wayhip]

@@FractalNinja people have demonstrated how to use it making it more plausible.

[@TrollDude3]

"The Internet" is truly a fascinating name for the Anglican God. The name consists of two words; inter and net. The word inter had two meanings back in the Anglican Age - the act of burying someone or the state of being in-between. The word "net" had several meanings, but in this case, it seems like the definition was used to describe a fabric of sorts made from threads, which was often used as a way to capture small organisms. I think it is likely that this god was not seen as a being but rather as a spiritual energy between all Homo Sapiens. It is known that through rituals the humans of the past were able to communicate with each other over long distances via the help of their ancient slates, and perhaps The Internet was what in their eyes gave these special slates the ability for nearly instant communication. Of course, the the other definition of inter could also suggest that the humans were using this god to reconcile with death. There was a phenomenon that these slates were used for called memes. Some of it was used as a way to convey news in a short scripture, whilst other memes were used as a way to reconcile with the past and to guess were the future was heading, but the memes often had references to death meaning that death was probably an important part of the religion. More research needs to be done on the subject of the Anglican God so we can learn what the people and the culture of the past was like.

[@haleywilson520]

This would at least be a little closer lol

[@FlopgamingOne]

fascinating

[@theshadowofknight]

Humans??? You mean Anglos?

[@dotwarner17]

Please, everybody knows The Internet is a series of tubes.

[@IAmAlpharius20]

MEMES JACK

[@ryzekiv7147]

Reminds me of one of the oldest written phrases found by archaeologists in a cave. About 30 feet up or something like that. Written in runic language, that was difficult to decipher. Eventually, it was deciphered. “Bjorn was here.” Or something like that

[@MythicMachina]

What it actually was was Norse runes 14 feet up on a wall. When they finally translated it it just said "This is very high."

[@ryzekiv7147]

@@MythicMachina THANK YOU! I was so bothered by this. I used to know this by heart but just spaced.

[@AAHumann_]

​@@MythicMachinathey're right, 30 feet up is pretty high in a cave

[@LordCrate-du8zm]

@@MythicMachinathe ancient Norse were excellent trolls.

[@QuikVidGuy]

@@Melody_Raventress Damn. G'donya Thorni

[@lowresSandwich]

>Amongst the dead acolytes, a larger rectangular device belonging to a smaller one was found >It appeared to still be somewhat intact >We took it back to the research chambers and figured out it was some kind of religious tool used to worship the Internet. >For unknown reasons, these large "Tablets" were given to the smaller acolytes whilst the bigger ones held smaller rectangles. >We had managed to recover the last minutes of footage from the device, making a ground breaking discovery >Inside this prayer device laid footage of an idol we simply know as "Rick Astley" >For decades, our archaeologists have argued whether or not Rick Astley was a member of the Anglo's Pantheon or merely a simple idol but with this newly found evidence, we can now confirm with accuracy that Rick Astley was indeed worshipped. >We must bring this information back to the Grand Cyber-Repository to preserve it. >I hope to write to you soon, Dr. Hh'ægal. >Excerpts from "The Tale of the Rickroll", Dr M'Heia's Letter to Dr Hh'ægal.

[@nightsong81]

Oh snap, we got characters now!

[@blokvader8283]

​@@nightsong81The lore evergrows.

[@w_ldan]

All Tommorows if the human didn't get fcked by the Qu.

[@Ocro555]

I think we all can agree that Rick Astely indeed is a worshipped idol lmfao

[@Gidkog]

Poor kid, rickrolled in their last moments

[@ttroyscarrlett]

I love this because it makes me wonder how much history we may have greatly misinterpreted ourselves.

[@gjkdshgkjshjkgdfg]

if this was a series i would genuinely watch it religiously tbh. praise be to internet god

[@emzuxus6617]

This makes me think about how we may have misinterpreted some hieroglyphics. Humans have always had sarcasm and a sense of humor, so I imagine at least some of the undisturbed literature we found could have been a joke or satire.

[@videosareavailable]

Imagine deciphering a ancient text only for it to say "Big Booteh"

[@TheOriginalSide1]

​@@videosareavailablea while back some people spent months trying to reach up and decode a cave writing near the roof of the cave. Guess what it said... This place is high up

[@LunizIsGlacey]

Don't worry, professional linguists work in this field, and they are more aware than anyone that language has a multitude of uses. Feel safe in knowing that whatever has been able to be decoded, is very likely decoded correctly.

[@dotwarner17]

Look up "ancient graffiti" sometime, you'll be sure to get a laugh.

[@n646n]

@@LunizIsGlacey what about the UFO hieroglyphs?

[@FirstLast-cg2nk]

The only thing that's wrong is the idea that "writing" disappeared after the invention of the internet. Written words are everywhere, even now, and every city still has a library in the USA. Of course, anyone in the book restoration business will tell you how quickly books fall apart if they're not properly stored or maintained. Even writing carved in stone will erode over time, too. A historian would understand that, and wouldn't assume that an absence of written records is the same as non-existence.

[@oberonpanopticon]

Perhaps whatever apocalypse ended western/earth civilization involved mass book burning Also, it’s only been 1000 years or less, so I doubt stone carvings would’ve eroded much

[@realdragon]

Don't some really old books were preserved in ground? Or even in underwater

[@mygills3050]

>last known writing before reconstruction dates 198 years past the supposed story of the Twins in the internet mythos >marks and carvings on a wall next to some kind of water system 6 8 BIR S AREI T REA I II II _ >the number at the bottom is thought to be spiritually important >the sideways mark is still a mystery, so the value is unknown, but the best guess we have is 1055 >number at the top is in a more informal system, suggesting it may have been vandalization >middle was also probably vandalization; it has the clearest meaning >”Birds are real” >wow, these people were gullible

[@averongodoffire8098]

@@realdragonit can happen, but think how many books would have ever been printed and restored and kept in condition then how many of those lasted while being copied into other books and then lost due to random chance and simply lost or forgotten, then how many of them we actually find and are able to archive It can happen but with how many there have been, those aren’t very many, sure each is a find worth as much effort as we can muster but it still shows our missing works of millennia worth of items, and most of it is basically the boring ones like lists and panphlets

[@sarahmellinger3335]

@@realdragon ya but we have shitty paper backs now. they don't last

[@AzerTheBaijan]

For any historians that find in 3023 or beyond, this is 100% accurate.

[@BlueTyphoon2017]

I want tbh here, I’m going to sound stupid but the idea that historians could find this KZbin comment 1,000 years from now and take it seriously and not realize that it’s a joke, is actually terrifying to me, if KZbin even exists that long. Idk man, this video made me laugh but at the exact same time terrifies me.

[@Chuckus]

Thanks, ill make sure they get your message

[@Triggernlfrl]

@@BlueTyphoon2017 Today's humans are dumbed down but the new world humans will be wiser than ever...

[@dustyyhazzy]

if this comment last till the year 3023, hello historians! do you play roblox?

[@prodoath25]

@Azer-ed2fz • 1,000y ago

[@Da_TboneLife]

I'd find it hilarious if a burger menu was mistaken as holy literature. We need more of this as a series.

[@Castuswastaken]

Great, now I want this as a novel, book or comic series, a empire in 3023 in space, who discover the “secrets” of earth, only to horribly interpret them, and the main character has the voice of the narrator in this video. Now I shall write notes for the future empire to find so they may understand us.

[@FoxFan198]

I’m going to try to make this a reality

[@JustDevon1]

Reminds me of the book “Motel of the mysteries” In the year 4022 a future archaeologist unearths what he describes as an ancient tomb, but it’s actually just a 20th century motel. He also believes that people wore toilet seats around their necks like jewelry

[@Skrubs]

Y’all making me interested in reading this with all these book specifications fuck

[@talkingmoose3092]

If you find this concept interesting you should read "By the Waters of Babylon too. Its really short@@Skrubs

[@ratoim]

😂 Haven't thought about that book in years! Thank you for providing the title, off to the Internet to order it.

[@someimperialfist1404]

Funny enough… in warhammer30k / 40k “the Golden Arches” are referenced as a eatery that sells moderate to low quality food that magnus the red loved. And the lion hated for its lack of flavor. In the grim darkness of the far future, would you like fries with that? “Oh it comes with a space marine! I got a space wolf what did you get lion?” “…. I got a ultramarine…”

[@Dots_The_Demon_Lord]

Ultrasmurf

[@balazsvarga1823]

Where was it exactly?

[@someimperialfist1404]

@@balazsvarga1823 its in one of the Horus Heresy books with Magnus talking to the raven or lion. Dont fully remember what book since its been awhile.

[@nullpoint3346]

Of course they'd survive in WH40K

[@Fordo007]

McDonald’s still exists in 40K… wow…

[@McC.444]

The texts on one of the upper screens separated into two coloumns: "Preparing" and "Please Collect". The vast majority of the text, being a series of 2 to 4 digit numbers, perhaps access codes, is categorised as the former, rather than the latter.

[@realdragon]

Perhaps some ritual where people were prepared maybe for ascending and as a symbol collected one of those plastic and glass tables. Not sure what is the meaning of digits

[@memstoraty]

This must represent some sorting system for the holiest people that collect their reward from the gods, and those that are still preparing for ascension.

[@oddi3863]

If anyone thinks how much they attribute to religion seems crazy, it's actually pretty common. I studied archeology briefly in college, and one thing that always confused me was how frequently very interesting and unique structures got written off as "probably a temple of some kind" I remember one city we studied, where there were no records of any kind of religious practice found there, and instead of a temple, the most prominent building was a colossal bathhouse, with several rooms filled with pools, and it was distinctly not a water storage building, because there were other places that looked to serve that purpose. The head archaeologist just declared that the place was most likely a temple to the gods of the water, and the city must have worshiped the sea. I don't know why they would assume that made any more sense than that they just cared about hygiene? There wasn't anything inscribed there that looked to be religious at all.

[@anti2229]

>After investigating further, it seems that the Church had a competition religion, a monarchy. >The text is not well preserved, but it reads to be a "Burger King". >Given its prominence in the region along with the church with 2 Golden Arches, rivalry must have been common place.

[@Mrkabrat]

"This must be a recipe for an ancient bomb" Oh yeah, the archeologist is at ground zero of all the "dirty bombs" in that area alright

[@mikdan8813]

-You turn one of the plastic-glass devices om -Better Call Saul theme starts playing

[@user-qv2mc3dw5o]

1000 years into the future, they still have better call saul. All other human culture has died out, except better call saul.

[@realdragon]

Hmmm, maybe their religious figure

[@Titan-nb8rc]

All hail mighty Saul

[@spedur3361]

@@user-qv2mc3dw5o Not even the original Breaking Bad, it's _specifically_ Better Call Saul.

[@Ryann9]

This must be an ancient ritual for a call for guidance from one of their highly worshiped gods, "Saul."

[@cara-seyun]

Archeologists when they find something they can’t explain: “when in doubt, religious item for ceremonial purposes”

[@dotwarner17]

Or for sex. Or some kind of religion involving sex.

[@cara-seyun]

@@dotwarner17 i think it’s because they haven’t felt the touch of a woman in months

[@noahkraetsch4481]

What really interests me is the idea that we think of the internet as a forever storage, but in this piece, the internet is gone, mistaken for a religion. In the end, though, the people of this future store their information in what they confidently believe to be forever storage. I find it poetic

[@LuckyHicks2]

“The ‘research’ performed by B. Historian has made the study of Ancient Anglos, and the public perception of their society, warped in a way only resolvable over eons.” -Professor Slash-Jae, 3037.

[@toragon2736]

Make it professor Sl'jae

[@Nestnestsoto]

Need more of this world, I’m hooked

[@red_d849]

same

[@beardedemperor]

Go find a copy of "Motel of the Mysteries" by David Macaulay

[@luisgalizien]

Thinking of writing an actual story based on this premise

[@lejoueurfreetoplay]

​@@luisgaliziendid you finished it?

[@DoneRegularly]

@@lejoueurfreetoplayBro wrote that comment 3 hours ago.

[@Coomamon_Memes]

I got one. Not space themed but felt like sharing anyway. >Open water >blue in all directions. >No land. >No boat. >Very little hope of rescue. >Below? Deep crystal clear water until about 50 feet down where it gets progressively darker with no bottom in sight. >You look down. >you see an ominous void that threatens to swallow you up if nothing else does so first. >suddenly a tug on your foot. >you look around panicking. >you see glimpses of a dark shadow circling but you struggle to see much more. >its just too fast to get a good look at. >suddenly another tug of the foot. >you look down and your eyes meet with its. >it hands you a piece of laminated paper. >cease and desist from nintendo. >nintendo ninjas strike again. >you pirated pokemon alpha sapphire for the last time. >6.5/10 too much water >11/10 would drown again ign.

[@waterwraith-bi3iw]

why do i feel like they would do this

[@nightsong81]

Nintenjas can't be escaped

[@ScarlettTheFemboyLover]

they had us in the first half, not gonna lie🤣

[@Subreon]

Before you mentioned pokemon, and after you mentioned Nintendo cnd, I thought you were talking about copying the legend of Zelda, wind waker. And the fish that hands the paper is the one that fills in your map when you visit new islands

[@wmcm6064]

because its funny @@Morworld

[@bush2239]

A gem of storytelling, absolutely fascinating.

[@blarpnarp]

i hope they find a fossilized mcchicken and reverse engineer it so they too can appreciate the simple beauty that is the mcchicken

[@dshepherd107]

This is actually similar to an exercise my professor in Cultural Anthropology did for us 20 yrs ago. Helps you think outside your own experiences & assumptions. This was quite good

[@samalass466]

I like how he just calls all english speakers Anglo despite the fact multiple countries use it as a main language and a secondary language, and the rest commonly still teach it, and they all have wildly different ethnicities.

[@redandblue1013]

We certainly oversimplify past societies in a similar way, that was the point.

[@carved6749]

Wait until they discover the “Anglos” were really a ton on Ethnic groups mostly western European origin. And all these codes are all just sexual references.

[@nadiarey4196]

It's like the celts being referred as that even though they are in Great Britain, Spain and a few more countries. Or the gauls, refered to as such even though half of them where around where France would be, and the other half in eastern europe... And they referred to all the north of the continent simply as "tribes". Or the "indians"! We had for the longest time people referring to them as such both when they come from India... as well as anyone who was native of North or South or Central America ...

[@Seth9809]

Gauls are a type of Celt and the Celts migrated into Iberia from Albion/Briton. Indians are not related to English,.

[@longfineel2630]

@@Seth9809Actually, they came about the same time. They originated from somewhere in the Balkans.

[@currentrecords3779]

Man continue this as a series. This gives me "Humans are space orcs" kinda vibe.

[@DoubleNN]

One of the first thing a traveler might notice in an expedition to an ancient city is the proliferation of these strangely shaped metal structures dotted seemingly everywhere. These were likely their houses, in which individuals kept their own items and slept in. These varied from small constructions which could only hold one or two people to much larger ones with multiple floors often carrying upwards of 50 to 60 people. The very largest sorts it seems were modelled on birds. It is difficult to ascertain the exact function of these structures. Dotted around, seemingly randomly in the streets, sometimes stored in large towering structures, and in the case for the "bird houses", as they have become known, exclusive to particular sites with heavy evidence of tight security. It is speculated that these houses were covered in a thin sheet to provide privacy to the occupants, which were burned away in the years since, given that much of the structure appeared to be made of transparent glass, if surviving examples of more intact artifacts are to be believed. The bird houses, on the other hand, had far less of its structure made up of these empty spaces, which implies that these rarer constructions were reserved for the wealthy and powerful, more interested in privacy than the average plebeian, and able to afford constructions using less of the presumably cheaper glass. This reveals much about these society of these ancient lands. It implies that the people of this era did not treat the home as a particularly important institution, with any more permanent housing, fixed to the ground and made of heavier materials such as brick were seen as generally more public, too dignified for the personal affects of domestic life, which was minimised to small but practical constructions, with evidence of rudimentary power generation, and a portability built into the construction: the ultimate example of the humility expressed by this people, seen also in the pious dedication seen in the Temples of the Golden Arches.

[@nightsong81]

A fascinating insight into the lost Anglo culture. I shall upload it to the Grand Cyber-Repository.

[@chiliwithonel]

Trying to decipher what contemporary item this is intended to be. Cars or planes? Or something else?

[@dragonkidkai5330]

@@chiliwithonel Planes, metal birds is commonly how planes are referred to in any piece of writing where somebody doesn't or shouldn't know what a plane is due to circumstances like medieval world or extraterrestrial life with different vehicles.

[@disguisedcentennial835]

@@dragonkidkai5330ohhh okay. Cars, buses, and then planes as he said only the largest were like birds

[@owlismyfavouritecolorflame2325]

"Ok ok, but what if the birds could fly, I mean they are modelled after a flying animal, so what if they used the power generation to fly, I mean we did find them scattered everywhere so it would make sense, and there's even smaller ones so it obviously isn't just about the number of people." "Jared for the last time their spaceships were angled UP, not horizontally, not down, UP, and there are no birds we have ever found facing up, so please just let me talk and quit it with your conspiracies."

[@THERATSANDTHERATS]

I need you to know this actually helped me with a lil writing project where robots are left behind after humanities death and are left to try and understand what their creators had done to themselves.

[@NaCubical]

Kinda like the Stray plot line

[@nul_point]

It took me 4 month to understand that they misunderstood a McDonald's as a church. I feel so stupid omg

[@canisarcani]

the funny part about this is thats its entirely plausible if theres alien life and we just dissapeared. 😅 what i mean is that we do this irl in archeology all the time. there was an early bronze age device that we found in europe awhile back, archeologists were puzzled by what it was so they marked it as an unknown religious artefact. some old lady was visiting the museum on a tour, saw it and knew immeadiately that it was a tool for making the fingers of gloves. the little holes all over it were meant to match up to the fingers size. 😂😅 seriously, any time an archeologist finds something they dont know what it is they mark it as either a religious object or a fertility idol

[@Seth9809]

Have you seen the market for fertility or male enhancement drugs? Why would dead people be any different?

[@canisarcani]

@@Seth9809 no one is saying that they werent. however, its an open secret that archeologists use that as a catch all when they arent sure what it is they have found.

[@TurtleShroom3]

I should note that marking it is that is not done in ignorance or laziness. As Seth9809 so obviously pointed out, fertility rituals have ALWAYS been a thing.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

​@@canisarcaniIts also hilarious because its how they look at ye olde ancient dildos and go: Yes we know its for that but we will call it a fertility ritual tool for academia's sake STOP GIGGLING

[@fist-of-doom487]

I had a similar idea for a story but so far I don’t have an actual story laid out. It kinda follows the legitimate theory that humanity is one of the earlier races to the galactic stage. Humanity was all but wiped out and many dead vessels and outposts would be discovered by later races. The knowledge found in them would be invaluable in many ways and eventually they track humanity down to our birth Solar System. Discovering only two properly colonized planets. One designated as Mars is extremely verdant and although theirs clearly an advanced civilization that made their home on it it was much more at peace with the land. Earth is in stark contrast, a polluted industrial wasteland on almost every square surface. Even the plants and animals that evolved to survive were hardy, aggressive and unnerving to say the least. Theirs many theories to why theirs such a stark contrast between these two planets but one thing is clear, they took for granted at least one planet.

[@WingMaster562]

I wonder, is Dickbutt now that old? Do younger folks know about them? Also, oh god, hope they dont find that 9Gag stone

[@HySteria909]

Fuck, i'd chosen to forget the 9gag stone

[@nightsong81]

OK, so I'm not the only person who remembers that

[@thehighground7732]

Well at least it's in Spain so there is a chance they will just think it is just Spanish culture and not that of anyone else's. They will probably all still die of cringe upon unearthing it though.

[@dannyengineer9862]

Im pretty sure a 4chan guy tried to dissolve the 9gag stone. Its probably naturally eroded by now, for the better.

[@dannyengineer9862]

@@quantumpassport3573 I heard it was made from something else though. I dont know though.

[@dragonluvver975]

I wanna see someone from now timetravel to that future and just explain everything just to see the looks on their faces

[@Iris_n_Parti]

"Please tell us the meaning of these Holy Churches with Golden Arches!" "Oh that? Nah, that's just a place to go get food! The food there is pretty nice, yeah?" "..."

[@aroundtheworld3972]

​@@Iris_n_Parti "So, what about the god of knowledge you called "internet" ? It should be something deeper, right?"

[@cleanerben9636]

@@aroundtheworld3972 "Nah we just used it to watch videos of cats, pornography of all kinds and argue with other people about dumb shit"

[@FelidaeEnjoyer]

@@cleanerben9636 Ah, well, what about these thin plastic books with depictions of naked women in them that we found in metal safes? Do you keep your fertility symbols private and safe for your use only?

[@NOOB-ps8km]

​@@FelidaeEnjoyer"Holy shit. There are only 100 of these in the world. How'd you find this." "Ah so this was a religious artifact. But why is it so rare?" "It was a comercial work but the artist did not get too popular so they quit making these. They also sold wallpapers and keychains." "......"

[@DruidPC]

Archaologist’s rule: If you don’t know what it is? It’s a religious artifact.

[@michalswag]

i like the implication that beings capable of space travel would fail to come up some kind of wireless communication method like the internet or assume that the earthlings wouldnt be able to figure that out

[@nightsong81]

Probably the latter.

[@garlicbread1575]

I like to imagine a lot of early people were exactly like us, similar humor, similar entertainment, it is only the rich and religious who could record their experiences, which is why we see ancient people differently than us, because rich people act differently than us

[@skeletonbuyingpealts7134]

So many agent dick graffiti

[@ladyalicent705]

This is probably true! They probably had their own versions of youth slang that we’ve no idea of either, in the same way that Gen Z has “it’s giving” and Millennials have “I can’t even!” (While Gen Alpha has “goofy ahhh” and so on), every generation in history probably had their own versions of that, but we never hear about it because the rich and religious thought it was cringe (not unlike how they do now)

[@brianroberts783]

Humans have definitely always been the same. Roman graffiti has been found which says pretty much the same thing you can find scrawled on bathroom walls today. Norse runes carved 14 feet up a cave wall were translated as "this is very high" and other Norse runes found at the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul say, "Halfdan was here"

[@TheTeodorsoldierabvb]

Not exactly. I am not saying we are extremely civilized, eleveated and so on, that's not my point. I'm saying that they had little access to information compared to us, even given that ours is incredibly polluted by propaganda, senselessness and goes in a myriad of directions. As a historian, reading the writings of not so rich people from days bygone, I see similarities, but I also see religiousness, sometimes cruelty punishable by the law nowdays, or absolute conviction that something happened for a reason. They weren't the same, but they weren't too different either.

[@PrimetimeX]

@@TheTeodorsoldierabvbWell i mean think of the Ancient Egyptians. The average person couldnt afford an entire Pyramid and tomb engravings. Hieroglyphics was likely a writing system used exclusively by the rich. Whatever thoughts, feelings, or experiences poor people had in Ancient Egypt were likely entirely undocumented as the people had no literacy.

[@absolutefoot4594]

Just makes me think about how grossly inaccurate our own interpretations of the past might be

[@LashknifeTalon]

Thankfully modern archaeology has some processes that, while they can't guarantee misinterpretations won't happen, they at least help us piece together things with more certainty; one of them being "working in teams". A historian with some grasp of English could piece together older records to find logs dating back a few decades before the site, before the culture stopped writing on paper, that describe similar sites. An ethnographer could investigate any descendants or related cultures that are still extant to study their foodways and religion. A zooarchaeologist could examine the trash deposits within the site to notice there are significant amounts of remains of food animals that show signs of consumption in the site, and also note that Strontium tracking indicates the animals were not local. A plastics/technology expert could quickly cite that these plastic/metal squares the remains are holding are found in a LOT of other sites, suggesting they're probably not some sort of ritual object related to this site in particular. The osteologist is also thrilled that these remains are as well-preserved as they are.

[@ladyalicent705]

I got chills at “the majestic golden arches” because I was like “holy sh*t he means Maccas. . .”

[@magtegi2]

i like the effort placed into this its not just some dogshit text to speech reading everything with random shit royalty free music. instead its read by a person with music there to draw you into the narrative now matter how ridiculous it is to bring life to the words not just take the piss out of everything.

[@gabrielclark1425]

Alien Historian: In awe about extinct species religious practices, requests Space Overlords if they could visit again with more Historians. Space Overlords: Cringing at being reminded of the cultural practices of their ancestors, closes planet from future visitors.

[@nightsong81]

Very possibly what was going on there.

[@blokvader8283]

I'm genuinely in love with this concept and I actually would love to read a whole story of this. Also it does make us wonder if we've misjudged anything? Like was Dionysus not a god and just some dude that loved wine and fucking? He was just really well known and fun to hang out with so we dubbed him as a God.

[@noellelavenza494]

My intro to sociology class covered a paper titled, I think, "Body Rituals of the Nacirema," I think you'd enjoy it.

[@arielb8304]

​@@noellelavenza494 anthropological classic that one

[@Kalleosini]

dionysus was changed into a "party god" later. he predates hades as the primary chthonic deity of the culture and is a god of rebirth and madness. wine wasn't unrelated to him but as culture shifted, hades was introduced and dionysus identity would focus more on the wine and madness. it is a bit odd that an olympian gods entire gimmick is "wine" no matter how important wine might have been to the greeks. out of all the olympians he sort of stands out. this is believed to be why. he is a vestigial remnant of what came before. if that was really his identity he probably wouldn't have been an olympian but a minor god. the greeks have many of these, like Philophrosyne the god of kindness. I am not making any of this up. wine cults kept dionysus relevant pop culture misunderstands him and has him pinned as what you say. a god of drinking parties. so yeah I hope that helps clear things up for you. there's a lot more to it than what I've written. I encourage you to explore dionysus in greater detail if you found this interesting.

[@grafvonscyth2928]

Learn about how the ancient greek god Pan came to be worshipped in Greece. Allegedly a Persian or Mesopotamian worshipper of Pan came off a ship in southern Greece and talking about Pan to a local fucked up a pronunciation of something that sounded like "Pan is dead" leaving the confused locals to believe that this god they had been told about had fucking died.

[@JackFoxtrotEDM]

You know what would've made this funnier? If he went into the kitchen and saw McDonald's food that still looked good enough to eat thanks to the preservatives they put in them. Because you always see stuff on the news of some guy who left a burger in his car for like 20 or 30 years and it looks exactly the same.

[@eebington-13oX]

this made me realize how much humans can get simple things wrong

[@JustAPaperface]

I really want more of these written like this. Actually insanely entertaining

[@Setsuzation]

imagine when a discoverer finds your homework file accidentally after a thousand year only to be mistaken as some sort of holy script

[@jackalenterprisesofohio]

Or as actuall homework

[@kitkatsinAlaska]

1+2x$@

[@Polina_Lozenko]

kirby right back at ya ninja binge:

[@Z5-XB]

Future archeologist: What is this? X=yx5 y= 17 what is X? What kind of holy scripture took place? What’s this? An image of a weird being with countless different limbs stretching out? Must have been a description of one of their goddesses.

[@zergling6802]

Or even worse, take your history or politics homework as a reliable source of information

[@GenericClient]

There was a concept in ancient worlds culture known as, "Trolling". According to all known records, Trolling could be refiring to anything from Literal war crimes and extreme bodily harm, to harmless, all be it mostly annoying, pranks. Often being considered "Mischievous" or "Devious", two word that ALSO have pretty mixed messaging in their meanings. Why are both definitions of this word so seemingly contradictory? Did culture and language wars warp the definition into a jumbled mess through decades of alterations? Did actual, horrible criminals adopt this phrase to describe their heinous acts? Did the leaders of the old world adopt this phrase as yet another fear mongering tactic to trick the greater populace into thinking there some greater threat? No one can say for certain. What we CAN say however, is that the embodiment of this concept, used to depicted it in nearly all art pieces, is a being known simply as "Troll face". Troll face is a Stickfigure with a white head and a large smile that never seems to leave, covering it with many wrinkles in the prosses. This entity used to be predominately shown in comics with other very similar entity's, one of which known as "Drep", who was often shown as the Troll faces "Victim" in the narratives (Hm, this all started as a collection of cautionary tales, perhaps?) But was not only later brought into a video form, but also had the story(s) it told with these characters greatly expanded and improved upon. Most Troll face videos depict an "Incident" of some kind, often following this formula: The main Troll face has a problem, so a disembodied voice starts telling them a step-by-step prosses to try and fix it, only for everything to either end in disaster or for the MC to turn into a horrible monster somehow, all semblance of humanity gone from there being. This is believed to be a metaphor for temptation or trickery, acting as a warning to not stray from safety and NOT TO LISTEN TO DISINBODYED VOICES!!!! Oh, and every Incident has a date at the end. Some are just nonsense, but most are ligament, so who KOWNS what events they could actually be refiring to. Most depict the very far future to, so maybe people thought they were prophesys? Speaking of these incidents, the version of Troll face in this type of Troll content is often referred to as "Trollage" instead of Troll face, and therefor consider to be more like the "Evil twin" of the OG Troll face. This could possibly play into the doble meaning from earlier, Troll face and Trollage depicting two sides of the same coin. Possibly the Yin and Yang of their time, one more into lighthearted fun, and the other straight up sociopathic. And lastly, both depictions seem to be synonymies with diseases such as amnesia. one of their heads often shown rapidly detreating as a form of music also synonymies with amnesia plays in the background. similar to how ancient humans always put a skull image after the phrase "I forgor" to show that if you forgor to much, you might as well be as good as gone. Annnd that's all the information we have on the subject right now. if anyone else discovers any more information, please let me know your findings!!!

[@personeater747]

Albeit lmao

[@mantha6912]

Sounds like Ulysses from New Vegas almost. The guy who wrote that put a lot of thought into the plausibility of that little meme, nice!

[@Guts-the-Berserker]

This pasta inadvertently brings up an amazing point. Technology has become the dominant religion with everyone descending the mountain with their own tablets, not of stone, but of polymer, and lithium.

[@thecatladytm7172]

It is both sad and accurate to say the Internet acts like a "god." A figure of worship. Most of our days spent devoted to its use, its preservation, communities built around it and within it. Bent heads, looking down at hands holding the access point to it, the phones, tablets, laptops. Most of us dont do anything without listening to something, watching something, engaging with the internet. Its a pervasive presence in our lives, inescapable except only out in the most remote places.

[@husky0098]

">they are each huddled over burned out tablets of plastic and glass >some of them are grasping the little bricks to their chests in their last moments" They were probably killed by a nuclear attack or a similar disaster and were texting to their loved ones Now I'm sad

[@simonsmiles9186]

Ngl i thought the punchline was gonna be that the mcdonald’s food had still not decayed

[@nightsong81]

That woulda been good!

[@Cheelex333]

I genuinely want to read an entire book of this explorer learning about the Anglos now this is too good

[@lassenker07]

Our team of historians has sent me on a mission to discover more about the lifestyles of ancient Anglos. >After travelling to the indicated location, I find a run-down structure. It's covered by vegetation. >I put on a gas mask, just in case the air inside is toxic, and a blade to cut through the dense growth. >Behind the rubble, lies a rudimentary wooden door. It's stuck, but collapses after being kicked once. >I lay my eyes on an unfamiliar sight, but I knew what it was: an Anglo settlement. A long, metallic object holding the charred remains of clothing is next to the door. >A long hallway, with primitive artistic depictions of mountains and landscapes hung on the walls. >Another door. Like the first one, its deteriorated state caused it to cumble upon touch. >The mummified, almost-clean skeletons of an adult Anglo, and an infant, probably its spawn. >Besides them, lies the skeleton of a 4-legged animal. It can't possibly be an Anglo, it's smaller, has an elongated skull, sharp teeth, and a long tail. >The door prevented oxygen, decomposing organisms and scavenger fauna from getting inside, explaining their level of preservation. >The 3 creatures are staring at an exceptionally well-preserved artifact. It's a large, flat, black box, connected to the wall by cables and held from the floor by a horizontal altar. >It seems I've stumbled upon a "living room" as designated by the Anglos themselves. The overlords told me the black boxes could display images the Anglos observed with fascination, sometimes being fixed in place for hours. >Could they have a religious purpose? Maybe they prayed to their deities and tried to communicate with them through these boxes? >I leave the room. Outside, there's a smaller altar with a wooden box. It has a metallic lock, but it comes off easily. >Dozens of metallic disks fill the box. They're Anglo currency. Perhaps this family was economically wealthy. Anglo currency is valuable to understand their economy, so I take the box with me. >It's been 5 hours since I entered the settlement, and it's getting dark, so I decide it's time to leave. >What a bizarre, but fascinating civilization. We've yet to figure out what really wiped them out.

[@ShodaiGojira-xn3xk]

Rick Astley must've been a prophet for Aliens

[@The_Fool_.]

I have to say you have one of the most majestic and deep voice , given enough time your channel should grow exponentially good luck

[@burialgoods]

thanks fren

[@olivefernando7879]

very cool creative writing, reminds me of some actual archaeology facts they've discovered fast food restaurants (literally, that's what they were) in pompeii and translated graffiti (as far as i know correctly translated) saying stuff like "i screwed the barmaid" and how not everything was 'ritual' or 'religious' or 'magic' , that ancient people were _people_ * and sometimes a fast food place is just that *although i don't know that this historian in particular is even slightly related to humans

[@Worn_Guide]

I like to think they are human mixed with other species' over hundreds of generations, or just humans that adapted to space/extraterrastial life.

[@AAHumann_]

I feel like pompei was literally just us but less advanced, like 2010 humans, but way less advanced

[@botrust6543]

​@@AAHumann_Pompeii was the Bronze age Las Vegas

[@budgieboss6710]

Reminds me of a book my history teacher read to us in eighth grade. Future archaeologists find America, thinking that roads are Nasca lines, hotels are tombs, and that normal appliances and furnishings are shrines and idols. Struck a similar cord to this vid.

[@andy-gamer]

Because america is the only part of the world

[@airtongabriel6827]

@budgieboss6710 can you share the book name you remenber this looks like a realy good/funny reading

[@itstaylor2137]

my dude as a history nerd and anthropology major I love this

[@FourOf92000]

there's a book called _Motel of the Mysteries_ that's this, extended (and from the late '70s), for whoever's interested

[@Mycikakat]

"An eggplant with three drops of water and a peach" "Of course, a prayer for rain" 💀💀💀 Edit: why does my most obvious comment get the most likes man i'm dea- 💀

[@notlucas6859]

Three heads missing skin and blood. Of course, it is an ancient Anglo grieving over the loss of several closely loved family members.

[@blacky_Ninja]

I mean TECHNICALLY true. 🙃

[@HaythamAlsayed]

To grow crops

[@Mycikakat]

​@@notlucas6859💀👏💀 I know youre gonna do another one on these emogis i just know

[@sidechanel]

After this was a 10 digit number...

[@sauerkids9254]

I, also a budding researcher in the Anglos, are part of a separate tribe of people who are free from the overload's control. Anyways, i was once exploring a northern region of the western continent and stumbled upon a large building. On it were big red letters in English. "Tim Horton's", the big letters said. I checked with my interpretation book and I inferred that it could have possibly been another church not unlike the one you discovered. The aforementioned Tim Horton could have been a priest that owned the church. I went inside and saw something peculiar. A body, fallen next to a table, was holding a small device unlike the PDA I had. I carefully grabbed the object and looked at it carefully. On the table next to it was a small, book-like holding device with a small cartridge inside. Now, i have had seen small cartridges not unlike the object within the holding device, but it was much thicker and had English writing on it that said: "Animal Crossing: New Horizons". The same text was on the front of the holding device. I grabbed both the small device and the holding device and went back to my lab. Turns out the device had power in it! I turned it on and was met with a small interface along with some English text saying "Press A three times to continue." I could not decipher what it said, so I deposited the stuff I found and it is currently being investigated by my collages.

[@chillworksdev4145]

Nice!

[@AAHumann_]

After we successfully deciphered it, we found out that the code was a way to access said device, so we were able to discover that the device in question was so called a "switch", which seems to be a religious device, depicting things such as "fortnite", a misspelling of the previously deciphered word, "fortnight" meaning 14 anglos days, more things we found depicted on such device, was a few more symbols. All writing out: "Animal crossing: new horizons just dance 2023", We cannot decipher this at the moments, but I will send the things we found to my higher ups

[@cesarcastillo7129]

Don't think they would have power hundred of years in the future

[@AsterBodhran]

The golden arches bit got an eye roll but THE MOMENT THAT A DRAWING OF DICKBUTT GOT DESCRIBED I FELT A JOYOUS PAIN THAT MADE ME YELP IN ANGUISHED LAUGHTER

[@RyuuRider]

We had the same experience! That was my favorite part of this whole thing.

[@TheOneAndOnlyMal]

It took me way too long to realize that this is a McDonalds. They thought a McDonalds was an ancient place of worship.

[@Madguys101]

This guy is so dedicated to his research that he wrote his notes and reports in the ancient language of the civilisation he studies, respect man

[@meowsicle7463]

"this must be a recipe for a dirty bomb" in the shitter, truly this is one of the western canon's greatest works

[@SapphireIsCat]

Doing A School Report On The Ancient Anglos, This Was Such A Useful Video! Lots Of Surprising And Interesting Information! Thank You For Making This!!!

[@morganrosenfeld5917]

Imagine if you will, a society so advanced they can travel through space and even have so called "space overlords". Now imagine they can't comprehend a bathroom, or even the humble toilet. Anyway, I'm Rod Serling and that shit was crazy.

[@Jester_Advocate]

Well you know gene manipulation for no pooping now

[@raiisleep]

waste is directly beamed out of your intestines

[@eduardopupucon]

I mean, there's a lot of things that people in the past had more intimate knowledge than us, for example, back then people had a more intrinsic understanding of currency inflation, because they would see it when trading copper coins for silver coins for example, a trader would ask for more copper coins because theres less silver to exchange for that copper or theres too many copper coins, going around. That means that they had more contact with the mechanisms that cause inflation than the average person nowdays, we don't see those mechanisms in the quotidian life because they happen behind the curtains via bank transactions and exchanges of different currencies etc, so that's why we have a lot of people saying dumb stuff like "why doesn't the government just print more money" for example.

[@DinoRicky]

I love to imagine any future series setting (Star Trek, Murder drones, ect) sees their own series when they travel to our universe’s future and think “Holy S*it they predicted the future”