Being Non-Binary kinda SUCKS.

[@sentientbeinggg]

Please remember, these are my personal thoughts, and it was a stream of consciousness so I definitely said some incorrect things. But the sucky part about being non-binary is just how the world perceives me. Clearly this is something a lot of other non-binary/trans people experience! I took a gamble being vulnerable on here and it seems to have struck a chord. I'm glad there are others who can relate. Please always be kind!!! Also if you care for more yapping, I do stream on twitch and draw too! twitch.tv/sentientbeingg

[@faenene]

I match your experience almost perfectly, thanks for talking about it!

[@ididntknowwhattonamemyself9626]

r u nigerian?

[@sentientbeinggg]

@@ididntknowwhattonamemyself9626 Yes!!

[@jarrellfamily1422]

​@sentientbeinggg you'll be her'ed but you won't be heard😔

[@superStarshines]

​@sentientbeinggg recognized the accent ;3 can't agree w evwrything more.. and you're art is BLOODY GORGEOUSSSSSS:0 Do yo thing>.

[@reneablackheart9563]

what I am: They/He nonbinary person what I call myself irl to avoid conflict: boy what everyone that isnt super close to me sees me as: girl

[@FinnRodgers-ce4bq]

I'm the same. It sucks and I hope one day society will change. For now though, just know that you are a valid person just like anyone else despite what others think of you.

[@reneablackheart9563]

@@FinnRodgers-ce4bq Thank you :]

[@mr.j3rs3y]

We support you, dude! 💪

[@froggycolouring]

Fr whenever I go anywhere everyone just assumes I’m a girl because I have long hair ig and I have too much social anxiety to correct them….

[@PalkisAlt]

I'm not exactly non-binary but I'm still a transmasc genderfluid, I can relate heavy to this comment :(

[@Daremoe]

Im also nb and afab, and whenever someone refers to me as "girl" or "she", i just feel like they aren't talking to me, that there's this "girl" behind my back that people see instead of me, like, I'm just me. I'm not a woman, not a man, just good ol' me, that's it. It doesn't help that society sucks and a lot of people are bigoted and i can't get treatment.

[@forest1605]

whenever people called me girl or she, apart of me liked it cause it was nice to see that they could see a very masculine looking afab person and still think girl because that proved they weren't misogynistic and could see masculine girls as still girls. But on the other hand, it gave me dysphoria and confused me ive rarely ever been called girl and she before, and nowadays when people call me it, it feels gender neutral like how people call a group of people "guys" idk how to explain it

[@sentientbeinggg]

I feel so so similarly! Whenever I get "she'd" it genuinely doesn't feel like I'm being referred to!

[@Icarlyfan44]

You are a woman/girl

[@x3AnimeFanXD]

Being enby in Germany sucks because we don't have they/them here. The closest you have is It/its but that is not always an option especially cuz lots of people feel uncomfortable when calling someone an "it" as it feels very dehumanizing. I mean I get it. But then as an AFAB NB I struggle so much with my chest. My genes cursed me with D cup and I couldn't find a single way to get rid of them without going bankrupt. German docters are either very conservative and will tell me to keep them and think about getting babys instead OR actually be supportive. However, the insurance companies won't support your decision to get your boobas removed unless you either go on T and transition (I don't want to fully transition and I don't need T) or proof that your boobas cripple your back and or have cancer in them. My dysphoria is so bad and I won't be able to get my boobs removed. It is a daily struggle and I wish they were gone.

[@adish1401]

I can relate so much! It's pretty much the same in them post soviet countries, both in terms of the lack of they/them pronouns and lack of any top surgery acknowledgment, I think for most it is unless you were in a psych ward for a while and are on T. A doctor literally told my friend who is 19 that they are WEIRD for not finding the first male in the street and giving birth from him the moment they turned 18 purely based off chest size and body type, refused to do any tests on why they have debilitating period cramps because "just birth a baby this will go away"... Completely ignoring the fact that the person in front of him is only into women and has blatant signs of dysphoria... The same doctor ignored the fact that the friend has every symptom of a certain disability, which was later diagnosed with a different doctor in a private hospital... And would basically be a deadly hindrance to pregnancy and could easily make them immobile by 30 without the pregnancy... In a country that lacks wheelchair accessibility, if we are being cold and sadistic like those "sane" men who run at any sign of responsibility to suggest it's worth it. By the way, to prove that you are a trans woman you need to say that you like guys and wish to find a husband, but oooooh boy fucklng try to prove that you are any sort of transition deserving person if you are afab, good luck, let alone if you are enby. Not to trivialize the trans women experiences, it's still hell, especially when you are socially conditioned to undergo every surgery under the sun for literally just being a gay dude and liking sparkly things, but it's like conservative doctors only treat dysphoria seriously if it's a man who doesn't want to be a "true manly male man", not if it's some, idk what it is to them, fertile incubator throwing a tantrum over normal incubator experiences... Yeah I think using it/its pronouns should be the default if you are female in a conservative environment, because come on, this pretending that they even see afab people as people gotta go, if you treat us like androids, do it to the end, we don't get no gender, it me to the ground. Sorry, my dystopia itch just came through 😅

[@sentientbeinggg]

I'm so sorry to hear this! And it also sucks, my native language doesn't have they/them in it either. I'm so so sorry to hear about your dysphoria. Sending you lots of love

[@culila]

fellow german here, the pronoun situation does kinda suck but there are more options! the non-binary people i know use dey/dem("demm")/deren (i've seen sier used in literature but i have yet to meet anyone using that irl) (obv pronouns don't equal gender also, this is for anyone looking for a they/them equivalent)

[@Baka_Crazy]

Also German here! I really try to use the dey/dem pronounces for enby people but I'm on a good way to it to make it to a habit! I got kind of lucky with my body. I am petite and for having a C cup with my body looks kind of huge. But it's smol enough to cover them. I don't want a transition either because what I really need is just a second, a male body because I'm liquid (genderfluid) and a body can't take these transitions for obvious reasons. My hair does a lot of work since I've got an androgynous cut. I don't feel uncomfortable anymore wearing dresses and skirts or make up. It has such a huge input to feel androgynous enough and I kind of love that

[@lunamig1006]

Same with the portuguese language, in portuguese masculine pronouns are also neutral, but today they are used much more for the masculine than for the neutral, which can make people uncomfortable.

[@nonamesorry7135]

As someone who uses he/him exclusively as a nonbinary person I always felt bad for people who want to present completely androgynous, or even just simply use they/them pronouns because I know from experience these people probably get little to no respect and it infuriates me.

[@sentientbeinggg]

It's so crazy the amount of flack I get for simply just stating my pronouns. Very upsetting...

[@FzeroVaporeon]

To me it makes sense to accept all pronouns.

[@DarlingsOrgans]

I had a funny moment where my friend used they them for me while we were orderding food, and the server was like.. "They..? Is she pregnant?" and i almost cried laughing. I clarified, and she still gave a side eye, but it sucks just going numb

[@VixenBebopIV]

I'm trying to identify as non-binary, completely, and yeah while people disrespect my pronouns honestly I live in New York, there are bound to be people that disagree on such a fundamental level So ig I just kinda ignore them 🤷 Some people doing a whole schpeel about how it isn't right yadda yadda, I just say 'ok' usually and let the weirdo be Let them live in their box because they don't wanna learn to be more accepting, and that's okay, as long as we are I figures that's all that matters

[@JamesBond-xx1lv]

Its... absolutely amazing how much difficulty I have asking people to exclusively use my name. No Sirs, no ma'am, just use my actual birth name. It really isn't difficult. Generally though, I don't particularly care if they slip up, I literally just want people to be nice to me. I tell people directly how to show me respect and let them know that it's okay if they slip up and... they basically choose after that to disrespect me :/

[@Alex-wo1bs]

AMAB NB from Mexico here. Living in a gendered language makes it harder cuz even if you openly express being NB to people, they will still refers to you with male pronouns as it is the grammatically right thing to do, and asking them to change that (with neo pronouns for example) would kinda be asking them to use language in a way they simply believe is wrong

[@zelmo5683]

Well because it is wrong. Male pronouns are the default. And referring to someone as ''Elle'' would mean the distortion of Spanish grammar. Take Raine from The Owl House as an example, what do you think the dub did?

[@phantomkapok]

🤝 another nb from mexico here, yeaaah it sucks to all hell. makes me wish that time would speed up and we'd have another gender neutral option ingrained in our language that's just normal and an option, and i get why people are so hesitant to use the new "elle y le" shit, it's new and doesn't completely fit in with the language yet and nobody has grown up pronouncing it all their lives yet unlike El y Ella so it's just foreign, but it still feels shitty being stuck with two binary options for the rest of your life when you're in another box completely. cheers to still persevering despite it all though even if it's hard

[@UmbraStarWolf]

Same with french I feel you

[@oritouwu9069]

yeah I hate when people do that.. as if language isnt a construction that always changes...

[@matildagalindoo]

i’m also a NB from méxico, i relate a lot i feel like no matter what most of society will perceive me as a woman :/

[@JitterJatter]

Jesus I feel so heard with this. If I tell someone I use they/them pronouns, they assume I’m hopping on a “trend” and it feels weird. I have just omitted being my true self. I feel gender really should not matter but our societies say otherwise. I usually say I’m just a tomboy. If I lived in a world where I COULD represent myself to my true extent, I would identify as nonbinary.

[@yummydragon8533]

in reality, they're the ones who have jumped on a trend. if it were a trend, you wouldn't be contemplating your identity, but they don't actually bother contemplating the experiences of enbys, rather blindly accepting the claim that it's a trend, this claim being spread by illiterate people online. it's inconsiderate.

[@boingooingo3317]

"Trend" yeah like im actively hopping on the trend of being a minority 😭

[@paracosmz]

this just described exactly how i've felt about my gender identity basically my whole life. i just couldn't find the words to explain how im not a boy or a girl but will still live a woman's experience. and then i finally see a video discussing this, which seems to resonate with many other people too. thank you for talking about this, and i love your artwork!

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you for your compliment! And I'm glad you can relate!!

[@HedgehogGolf]

As an AMAB nonbinary person, there's a lot of similar doubts and social complications here that I resonate with too 😢

[@sentientbeinggg]

I'm glad and sad you can relate, may the world treat us kindlier.

[@mason4615]

Hello 👋🏾 also nb amab, it suckssss

[@Mx-Alba]

Saaaaaame! (I also just posted a more extensive reply in main...)

[@mayanightstar]

Pro tip from an enby after 5 years on HRT. Androgyny in the eyes of the cis is impossible. They will always choose a binary gender to inflict upon you. So just figure out a way to present that makes you the happiest.

[@WerewolfofEpicness]

actually i get called they or person pretty often by strangers like on a daily basis

[@9bsoul]

I've always kinda felt disconnected from womanhood. Stuff like cute things, pretty dresses, makeup I love but more social expectations and being truly perceived as a woman makes me so upset. I identify as a demigirl (or Girl Lite tm) bc I don't really mind being feminine but it's just not entirely me. Maybe it's the autism who knows lol (also I started identifying that way when I first found out you were agender bc I was like oh wow you can do that 😮) anyways here's hoping you fund now people who understand get you ❤

[@antarag47]

I read somewhere that being autistic makes it more likely for you to be transgender, so probably lol

[@kaderen8461]

do you mean ™?

[@wackadoo9610]

Literally same, I have never felt like a guy. And if someone ever refers to me as a man if makes me physically cringe 😭 I also wonder if it's the autism too lmaooo

[@maybemints]

Maybe ur gender non-conforming which isnt exactly nonbinary but like tomboy or girlboss ig

[@sentientbeinggg]

I think you're so goated, and I'm glad my identity helped you find yours??!! That's so cool, I love you, you're the bestest ever 🥹🥹🥹

[@HotExpiredMayo]

Honestly, as someone that falls under the non-binary umbrella, I just pretend to be cisgender in real life because I feel like nobody would take me seriously as anything but my assigned sex at birth. The furthest I ever go is going by a preferred name at work/school and when asked for my pronouns on a form I answer any pronouns. Other than that, I'm usually just pretending to be something I'm not because of that one idea in my head that people won't accept me for who I am. (Sorry if this is too personal, just figured I'd say this where I'm anonymous and nobody I know would be able to find me more likely than not anyways)

[@sentientbeinggg]

Wow that's so similar to me 😭especially at work and outside my friend bubble

[@HotExpiredMayo]

@@sentientbeinggg Yeah... I suppose that's why I related to your video so much

[@mhenderson7673]

That's similar to me, all my life I've been kind of paranoid people will think I'm weird so I try and act as normal as possible. My relationship with gender is practically non-existent so I just don't rock the boat by mentioning it to anyone, plus it doesn't bother me much

[@ssoulgems]

LITERALLY me 😭

[@frostflaggermus]

oof that's relatable like yes i'm very nonbinary but i don't wanna bother people about it irl. i'm fine with only being open about it online, in text form, where people can go look up my pronouns on their own instead of having me tell them. my friends gender me correctly and honestly that's all i need

[@ashkithly5425]

"Just another girl who wants to be something special." Damn, hearing that was like a jab to the heart. Im still fairly new on my nb journey, (I've known for about a year and a half now!) But it can still be scary. Don't get me wrong, I love who I am and im sitting in a good place rn, but I could be doing better. I wish that I could go and explore myself the way that I want, I wish I could experiment, and I wish I could be openly myself. Thankfully I have friends who accept me and times to myself where I can be who I am. For those who were scared like me, it's going to get better. There's going to be ppl who don't understand you and won't respect you and it'll be hard, but they never deserved you anyways. You are stronger and more capable than you realize. Be the change you want to see in the world, and keep fighting that good fight. ✊

[@sentientbeinggg]

So kind 🥹🥹🥹

[@graelmir]

it's even more frustrating, in my opinion, when you're hanging out with other queer people and they try to push you into a more easily understandable box i've had people force both femininity and masculinity onto me, depending on what they assume my agab to be and it always feels wrong

[@yea8611]

this is why I surround myself with other queer people, because I know they see me as nonbinary- people who haven't delved into their relationship with gender tend to have a very narrow-minded view of what gender really is and are too commonly committed to pushing their idea of gender onto you

[@sentientbeinggg]

As do I! But!! I've also found some really accepting allies. Trust me they're out there. And they're amazing people as well

[@Thunderthighhighs]

That's the only healthy way forward really

[@Wild_W3ndigo]

This is what i do but still i get some people who are queer who still dont understand sadly, but I am making them understand, that sounded forceful sorry. I am educating them and explaining to them different feelings of gender differences etc etc.

[@aspiringcrone]

​@@Wild_W3ndigoThere are quite a few queer people at my work, which I was really excited about as I don't have a lot of queer friends. But I soon learned that they don't respect nonbinary people. There's an enby who works with us, but remotely. My queer coworkers are the main one's constantly misgendering them. And I've heard some comments made that imply nonbinary is just a silly trend. Hence why I decided not to come out at work. She/her pronouns don't bother me much anyways, but still so disappointing. I thought I could finally be myself at work. Oh well.

[@Wild_W3ndigo]

@aspiringcrone Yeah it's the safest when we get the hate from our own community.

[@forest1605]

i find it annoying how often people will use masc terms as gende rneutral but never fem terms like a lot of us dont wanna be called by masc terms, yet people do it anyway because they think masc terms are neutral by default so they call nonbinary people "bro, dude, man, guy" And its so dysphoric. But they'll say its gender neutral. Yet they wont call a nonbinary person "girl, sis, gal, woman" cause femininity isnt neutral to them.

[@jesterdays]

It all boils down to the "male is default" idea. And it sucks because the closest to neutral in my language is masculine pronouns. We really need to let go of that idea that male is the base gender as a whole :/. Not just in languages like mine, but culturally speaking (internationally) as well.

[@templecatt]

just a question, is 'pal' considered masculine?? i want to use it in place of masculine terms but im unsure if it is as neutral as i think it is

[@vampirevial]

​@@Randod2💀

[@klutzykaya6439]

​@@templecattI don't think so. there are terms like "pen pal" that can describe someone of any gender so that one's probably fine. if you need others try "friend" and "comrade" or maybe "buddy," tho that one might be more masc idk

[@sentientbeinggg]

I was thinking of this too! How come gender neutral terms just means male terms 😭

[@The_Claym0re]

I often feel dysphoric about my voice (I’m afab) and it helps me to think, that younger boys in cartoons are often voiced by women, and you couldn’t tell their gender just from their voice either, plus a lot of people thought I was an underage kid in videogame vcs so honestly that sometimes helps

[@Jollymongoose]

Same

[@86fifty]

Aww, thank you for sharing! I tooootally get what you mean, I'm also NB and AFAB, and I have been on T for years. It worked TOO WELL tho, lol - I got the lower voice and bigger muscles I wanted, but I also went bald... so now I don't look androgynous at all XD Now I have to come out as NB to ppl who think I'm cis male! And they always look a little confused like, "You're bald with a beard. Don't you want the safety of being a cis man in our society? Why paint a target on your back like that?" And it's for the same reason you said, that it's important to be who we are on the inside. Sure, it would be EASIER to be 'stealth' binary, but it's UNCOMFORTABLE to be sitting in spaces where everyone else thinks no queer people are present... They will SAAAAY THIIIIINGGS... XD We're all trying to be ourselves in a place where there's very few of us, and the various non-binary labels are SO NEW, we're even having to build the trail as we walk it! But that means we also have the great opportunity, to become EXACTLY what we want, we don't HAVE TO fit ourselves into the two boxes that were handed down to us from thousands of years ago. Boundless, terrifying freedom, to build our own paths. Ohhh, that's why you picked your name! It makes so much sense! :D I love hearing the stories behind people's names. Cuz online, they're picked by the actual person so they have meaning! Most of the time. Mine is just a meaningless pile of numbers because I didn't want to have a gender attached to my name... Huh, that's also why I use plants or geometric shapes as my avatars! So maybe it DOES have a meaning!

[@sentientbeinggg]

OOH that line of people saying things when they assume no queer people are present is so real!! The audacity! I've had to sit around people who boldly say non-binary people don't exist. Presenting femininely is safety, but at what cost? Your name does have a meaning if you so wish teehee! Also congrats on your T journey for years!!! I wish I could commit, but I like my hair a bit too much 😭 Non-binaries together strong!

[@JC-jd1us]

​@@sentientbeinggg oouf sorry you had to deal with that. Im on year ten of testosterone and still have all my hair. I just buzzed it a month ago and its still growing back. It just boils down to genetics. But yeah how people look doesn't mean their non binary or not. I hate that society has just made non binary into a box that you have to look like an androgenous twink when you don't. You can just be yourself and be non binary.

[@rainenjoyerr]

I also had this experience and I think I hoped that testosterone would be "just enough" to make me really androgynous... but actually even at the peak of that, when most people I met seemed genuinely unsure what pronouns to use, they would just roll the dice and choose "she or he". It's sad but there is no 'passing' for nb/agender people, no matter what you look like or what gender you were initially assigned, people are just going to look at you and make a decision because in most cultures we are taught it's not polite to ask. I love the way you described it here, it's exhausting but it's still worth fighting for your own place in the world whenever you can.

[@SOL_NEKROS]

Hi! i'm a NB person from Argentina and your video just popped up on my feed. First of all, your drawing looks fantastic! second is, lol I resonated hard with your video. I've been through quite the gender journey for around 3 years i guess? what I know is that society is not ready for nonbinary people... But that doesn't means we should quite presenting our true selves to the rest of the world, our existence is enough to prove a point without need for words. I've learned that I don't need to explain myself nor how I feel to others, I don't have to prove how much of a nonbinary or a trans person I am, this is what I AM and whatever the rest of the world thinks of me is NOTHING. And yes, we are people, we don't need more than that and we're perfect just that way. I really don't care much what pronouns others use to me, i'm quite used to the "ella" so it doesn't bothers me, but being called "él" or "elles" fits just as fine, I also use neutral language despite whatever others may think of it; I know enough about communication to be sure i'm not doing anything wrong. The most important thing is that I learned to do things for myself; my happyness and comfort first, rather than to try and be accepted or fit in people's despictions of how a nonbinary person should look like. Honestly? there's not a rule and i'm glad of it. Androgynous people, bi genders, two souls and long etcetera had existed for millenia; gender binarism is a construct as much as gender is by itself. Biology can presents in so many unique ways, there's not such a thing as white or black, this or that. Besides all that, I know sometimes we just can't scape feeling bad when people is fucking mean to us, so I hope wholeheartedly you can find some rest from all that shit and be able to enjoy yourself freely, because that's all that matters.

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you for your sweet compliment!! YES!! You are you!! No explanation needed!! :D Your happiness and comfort trumps all...such wise words! Much love to Argentina!!

[@quitalifetime]

as someone who feels both female and male at times, it sucks. It really does, I used it be so feminine but I used to feel like a guy then, but now that I look like a guy I feel more like a girl, and it makes me feel so dysphoric that I can’t just look the way I want to.

[@emericswitch2718]

I mean...as a trans man, I dont think gender exists? I think we're all agender, some of us are just less aware of it. It's so much easier living binary because of how society is structured, but gender is a social construct. I am comfortable looking "like a man", and I prefer people thinking of me that way - I suit the stereotype of "man" pretty well. But I don't really identify as a man. I have no concept of gender in my mind. I transitioned because of physical gender dysphoria, but I don't particularly care what gender people perceive me as so long as they see me as AMAB. Maybe some people do experience feelings of gender, I can't know that. But from what I've seen, I think we're all just going along with societal expectations by identifying in these rigid boxes.

[@TheBigJayAgenda]

Then are you agender instead of trans male?

[@SOL_NEKROS]

There's a hard truth on what you say and that's it that we're all just performing to live in the construct of the society (with each of it's cultural diversity). It's not hard to thing that if things were different, from the very start, gender wouldn't be a thing at all, or it would be just a whole diferent concept, who knows. People always brings animals to compare biology with our situation, when biology and sociology had nothing to do with eachother; in fact, animals don't follow gender norms because they don't even know tf a gender is. A female animal wouldn't mind itself any different from a male besides their role in reproductions, which are instinctual, not identitary.

[@eevechu_m4y4]

FR

[@Null-value]

As a genderfluid person, I don’t agree that gender is entirely a social construct. Obviously gender roles, presentation, and expectations are completely constructed, but I do firmly experience feelings of gender in a way that cannot be attributed to any social aspect.

[@yea8611]

​@@Null-value The feelings you have toward gender are absolutely real, but gender itself is still a social construct. every society and culture that developed independently cultivated an idea of how many genders there were and what they were, but that's just the thing- the idea of gender is something that has to be cultivated. I think it's inherent to humans in the way that we do feel that our roles and attributes in life separate us into categories of gender, but no specific gender such as "man" or "woman" is inherent- it's learned. that doesn't mean that the feelings of gender you have are false in any way, but gender itself is a social construct

[@vendiagram7425]

I feel exactly the same about "women and nonbinary" spaces and I'm glad to hear someone else talking about it. I'm bigender so I identify as male AND female at the same time, and when I come across local queer events that have this as an entry condition I feel stuck. I technically CAN go since I'm AFAB, but I'm also a man! I would have to sacrifice a whole part of myself just to fit in, but I also feel like I would be infiltrator who omitted being a man just to take a spot. So in the end, I don't go and I'm missing out on spending time with a community I want to be in. It sucks

[@beepboopers]

Being nonbinary sucks because it’s never a respected identity and i don’t think it’ll ever be considered ‘normal’ in this society. Like i’m happy it’s MORE normalized but it still sucks. and dysphoria is terrible too 😭 if i was happy with being either a woman or a man, people would treat me like anyone else. but when ur nonbinary u aren’t even real to a lot of people.

[@Demytybo]

I get what you're saying! I'm afab too, and ever since I started questioning my gender until now, where I know that I'm nonbinary and genderfluid (as much as my gender changes, I often "stay" in nonbinary), I've always seen trans folks presenting in a more masculine or androginous way. This led me to think that I was "less nonbinary" or not "nonbinary enough". Now I know I can be afab and more femme presenting *and* nonbinary. However, I've seen it's easier for others to perceive trans men or nonbinary people as such, if they submit to masculinity/androginity. And it sucks. I'm always seen as a girl and the only time a stranger called me by gender neutral pronouns (I'm from Argentina, so it'd be 'elle', 'chique', etc) was when I was wearing a nonbinary bracelet. I'm pretty used to being called as a girl so it isn't a big issue for me, but for other people, it is. If you don't see yourself as what you are, who will? It's up to one to embrace themselves as what they are, no matter if people don't like it. Maybe we can't be openly out to everyone for our safety, but it's important to know deep down who we are and what we are. Sending love!

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you for your very kind words! I wish better acceptance for the both of us. Sending love back!!

[@CellEatingbob]

I always felt left out with girls, I never felt very girlish or boyish. I don’t do make up and I’m not interested in many things most girls around me like, and I’m not interested in most things boys like. I hate the standard attitude for boys and girls, I behave like neither, I dress like neither. Sometimes I wish gender/sex wasn’t that important. I like that in my native (kazakh) language we have the same pronouns for men and women «ол» and we don’t have “word endings” that depend on the gender of a person or item, like in russian. But we do have different names for big and little sisters/brothers, that depend whether you’re a big or little sister/brother, never understood why, it’s kinda weird.

[@dukcboy912]

you are just you your personality does not define our gender or the things you like that should be obvious to you by now

[@CellEatingbob]

@@dukcboy912 I know. I just don’t understand how others are chill about being one thing and not overthinking. Most (especially older gen) people make everything about gender, I guess that’s why it makes me and some other people confused

[@dukcboy912]

@@CellEatingbob because it's a useless thing to waste time with doubt, older people don't have any doubt about who they are or what they like, while the younger gen is overthinking everything in their life trying so hard to fit in, it's a problem caused by over polarization in the US over the ideal family that's why it's mostly in US these debates

[@codycurry2468]

Non-binary people don’t owe anyone in androgyny. I have a lot of conversations with friends and peers that their envious of me that I’m able to present myself androgynously that they’d wanna do some drastic change their appearance, even though that they know it’s not them and just really upsets me that people bottled down non-binary to just an androgynous third gender. Sometimes I’ve confronted people about their continual refusal of respecting someone’s identity and they would say shit like well “They don’t “really” try or they’re not “really” non-binary or trans like you” or whatever lame excuse. A lot of it can come down to privilege. Not having the money to pursue affirming care or safe binding option are safe packing options etc. etc. I can still remember the time when I was forced to conform because of the abusive religious community that I was stuck in. And not all of my bio family came out of it at the same time I did and it took a long time to get respect from them. And I mean, femininity ,masculinity ,androgyny is all subjective anyways. Makeup and high heels were originally designed for men for example. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life how I am now but there are still things i’m not happy with and I’m working on change ,It’s important to note that it’s for me first and foremost. I don’t know I don’t really have an answer and I don’t think anyone else does I just hope overtime people get less obsessed with categorizing people and just letting them be. I wish you all the best and their ability to feel comfortable with yourself and your community I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes I’m dyslexic

[@I_Dont_Believe_In_Salad]

A lot of check boxes there and there

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you so much for this. I think I really needed to hear it. But it's so hard to expect to be they'd and yet not present as androgynously as possible. But you're so right. Thank you for being the voice of reason, and good on you for correcting those people! It's really the small things.

[@yummydragon8533]

people dont seem to understand masculine and feminine, male and female, are just numbers, assigned to the categories of the social roles we are supposed to fit. dont get me wrong, i support my trans brothers and sisters, but primarily because they're expressing their individuality rather than accepting the societal arbitration of gender to be equivalent to sex, that should thusly dictate the way they live their life.

[@faenene]

It’s nice to see someone else talking about this. I’m nonbinary as well, and while my gender feels completely neutral, I still like to dress feminine. (Which is quite inconvenient because being called she/girl makes me incredibly dysphoric.) Being very quiet and non-confrontational makes it hard for me to correct or inform people of my pronouns, so a lot of the time I just don’t. And unlike binary trans ppl, I’ll probably have to keep doing it for my whole life. I hope it becomes a lot more accepted in the future so I don’t have to consider my safety whenever a stranger asks me “if I’m a boy or a girl”.

[@Popper_Drop]

Voice tip that's helped me - if you try and physically lower the back of your tongue while you talk that can help open your throat more and make your voice a bit deeper. Mine is already pretty high so it doesn't do *too* much but it was a decent change This is so painfully relatable - I still technically go by she/he/they but she is only really cause I'm used to it and I know some people will only ever see me like that cause I'm short, built very feminine and I have a higher voice. If anything people just think I'm a lesbian because of my short hair and the fact I call my bf my "partner". I used to identify as a man before for like 6 years but near the end of that it didn't feel right to sit in that label either. I just like being a little guy, a gremlin, maybe a girlie but only colloquially - for all intents and purposes Nonbinary just feels like it fits

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you for the good advice!!!! And hooray for more non - binary people!

[@FumbleSquid]

Ty for calling out the "women and NB" and "afab only" stuff. It really pisses me off when that shit is on apartment listings. Also your voice is fairly deep, like just keep practicing. There were points in the video where if I heard it from someone I didnt know, I'd say "I cant tell, I should ask" which means thats its pretty androgenous. As a trans woman, I can empathize a lot with having a _wrong_ voice that wont automatically change. It's not easy, but progress is possible. I'm at the point where my voice is gendered as female online, if a bit weird sounding for now. My suggestion is: learn how to listen to your voice. Feedback is the most important for learning and we hear our own voice different than others do (cause you're essentially hearing it from the back of your ears, not the air). In the beginning Id recommend using your computer to listen to your voice. There are also apps for your phone to get a graph gor individual things like pitch. Theyre mostly tailored for trans women (cause HRT doesn't do much for voice for us sadly), but you can always just deliberately keep it in a lower pitch. Also one thing that helps is to practice a wide range. Eg go much lower than you'd want for your goal, go higher than your default, and everything in-between. Resonance, cadence, nasality, and other small stuff are also important of course, but harder to quantify. And of course the shared experience of clashing with the world hurts so much. I absolutely detest having to learn about "mens health" or shaving which is often very male centric. It's also hard cause AFAB/AMAB just feels like the same boxes we've been trying to escape. Like I can already see it being used against non-cis people like male/female often is, even in our own communities. I absolutely detest having the "AMAB" box weighing on me and wish we could keep those kinds of boxes exclusive to medicine and intamacy and nowhere else. Idk, gender can be great and validating at times, but invalidating and horrible when people want to put us in boxes we dont belong, even if we'd better fit in a different box or none at all.

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you so much

[@naraera]

they/he enby here :3 i relate a fair bit to your way of understanding yourself!! i've seen myself as just a person for the longest time now, even though i only came out last year i also haven't really tried to present any different... i've only changed my gender and my (english) pronouns. everything else is the same. maybe i'd do more if i was perfectly alone more often? idk

[@z0m_.b0y_]

Stop being so real 💔💔💔In Spain being NB sucks too bc people just make fun of enby people there, they made neutral pronouns and people just make fun of them, it's sad

[@Oleander_Tea]

“Girl voice??” What *girl voice* I wish I had your voice!! It’s very androgynous :D

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you so much I'm sooo flattered 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

[@monster-enthusiast]

Fr. When I realized I was genderqueer I was like "WHYD I GET THE HARDEST OPTION." Cuz if I as a binary trans person, I'd at least be able to go stealth, and people would use the right pronouns. But my "pre-transition" look doesn't look trans, and my "post-transition" aspirations are very clockably trans. So I wouldn't be able to fly under the radar. And realistically, most people simply aren't gonna they/them me. Even if I tell them too, they still probably won't. I didn't ask to be the way I am. In fact I actively avoided it. But I was miserable doing that. Shit sucks.

[@sentientbeinggg]

Oh my goshhh the feeling of "if i was a binary trans person it'd be easier" is sooo real to me 😭😭

[@Taikaac]

Im apagender, meaning that i don't really care what gender or pronouns people use on me, i dont relate to all but most. Like i know people will always see me as a woman and use she/her on my probably and ive got no problem with that but like it would be at least nice if other pronouns would be used too. I MEAN I USE THEM ALL. And i don't want any transition or whatever. I do think smt how annoying my boobas are and want THEM GONE. but like also wanna keep em. and like i probably also wont stop using like the woman's bathroom or watch vids directed to females. i just wish i didn't had any things on my body or idk that say "u a female!".. idk if that makes sense but kinda like agender but im not agender... dayum bro 😭 im just gay trying to live my life IN PEACE brother. (tho i love that i cant be mistendered by ANYONE ^ - ^) (also i apologise for my shit english i am no native)

[@mhenderson7673]

Wow, that sounds like me, didn't know there was a different word for it

[@Naps_lot]

My stories isn’t terribly different. I’m also agender and use they/them pronouns. My whole life I was uncomfortable with ultra masculine things such as tuxes, being muscular, or other things of the like. It made me feel odd. That’s not why I started to ID as agender. I did so because I had no connection to gender. Being called a man or referred to masculinely always feels odd to me as well. Honestly, my voice occasionally makes me dysphoric, whenever it’s low, but that tends to change day by day. I have an affinity to femininity, I’ve always been called to it as a child. I’d love to present more femininely (or just androgynously), maybe even go on HRT too. That doesn’t make me a woman though. You can have any presentation and be some flavor of non-binary. I’ve been lucky to have a lot of friends who respect my identity and pronouns, although a lot of religious people in my life haven’t had the best reaction to my queerness. It’s caused me to become semi-closeted again.

[@lalajejeje]

been feeling like this for many years now, thank you so much for bringing light onto this. have a lovely day ❤🙏

[@Zephyeran]

This!!! My main struggle has been my voice and chest. I wear a binder to try and feel more neutral externally, I prefer tuxes and more neutral clothes, and for the longest time I was SCARED to wear a dress because I didn't want to be seen like that. I had an exception where I was the only Soprano that wore a tux, and I was one of the two highest Sopranos in that Chamber Choir in high-school. It's been so tough, because my natural more 'friendly' voice is very fem, but my preferred voice is deeper, and I always wanted to be a Bass, but.. how do you risk T when your voice means so much to you? I have my pronouns on my badge at work and people still see my name and miss the pronouns right next to it, and while I'm super patient because I know people just. Don't know, or didn't notice, they never meant any harm, but it still hurts some, y'know? My grandmother was the hardest, as I tried to talk to her about my issues with my chest, my disconnect, feeling like they were parasites, like they never belonged on me, and she tried to tell me it was just 'part of being a woman, you'll grow into them and grow to like them' and I just Hated how she said it in such a 'duh, you should know that' manner, belittling me.. I want to lean masc presenting, but.. I don't want to take on the binary, I just.. want to wear what makes me feel like *me.* My gender is me. It's just. That. However I feel, however I dress, whatever I feel like day by day.. my presentation is fluid, and my gender is unchanging because I identify with the lack thereof in that sense. That I don't claim any one or other, and for the sake of convenience, feel like he/they defines me best in the terms that others want to use, but.. I just exist. ..Yeah. I'm glad to feel like someone else gets that to that extent, that you're just sort of. You. Not some specific binary identity, and not even a specific identity outside of the pair, just. You. And Agender defines that pretty well. I remember how excited I was when, at my third pride parade, they *finally* had an agender flag. Middle school, Weber State University had a float for the parade here, and I remember being on it, and how excited I was to put pinwheels in the foam of the back of the float, and even getting my picture on their paper that year with everyone else in the back because my mother was in college (came back after not being in for a bit), and how I looked everywhere for that flag, as it was my first year, and the best I got was a tiny one on a stick, the cloth being the size of my hand. I'm so glad to see more folks find themselves, and more identities get the respect and eyes they deserve ^^

[@twotruckslyrics]

this comment ❤❤❤ i relate so much,, i just wanna exist

[@sentientbeinggg]

Oh my gosh, I've never resonated with a point of view so much as I have now 😭 The voice comment is so real...gosh the struggle of having to choose. I'm sorry for what your grandma said to you...perhaps there are others in your life who are more understanding and will show you grace and respect

[@marlaj.6109]

T doesnt destroy your voice. You could still sing just as good as you do now. You just need to adapt to your new voice and practice while it changes. Also you can take hrt for a while and then get off again if thats a better way for you.

[@poppyfrancis7338]

I've never cared about how others percieve me as long as they could see who I am, so when I realized I was NB it wasn't a shock. I am a shifting blob of emotions and thoughts and who I am changes with what's on my mind and how I feel. But all of that is hard to describe and express in words to people who don't get it, so I get to hide behind the fantastic mask of "I literally don't care what pronouns you call me by" around people who don't know me

[@waynefromhylics]

I really understand this. I'm a trans man(he/him pronouns), but even the people I've told irl don't see me as a man. To them I'm just a little girl playing dress up, or I'm one of those people you just avoid because I look weird. I've been told by many people I'm androgynous looking, but still my voice gives me away. I feel disconnected with manhood because nobody sees me as a man, I am too young to medically transition, and I didn't grow up with the knowledge that I even could be a man. But I am also just... not a woman, so I'm obviously disconnected with womanhood. I feel like I don't have a community, especially because I don't like talking about the fact that I'm trans. It feels like a fault of mine. Something dishonorable. But online, I can just be me. A guy. People will just assume I'm cis(depending on the community), and it's awesome.

[@josha_254]

Same, it sucks!!! To go to the all-gender bathroom at school, I must walk 40 times the circumference of the earth.. uphill.. both ways.. on one leg while fighting a gaggle of lions off with my left hand, while simultaneously playing the Centipede beatmap at 400% speed, repeated until I get to the bathroom. Oh and the lions have guns. And the guns are sunray-powered deadly lazers.

[@TheBigJayAgenda]

I’m non-binary and I adore it

[@PolarSwim]

Same! ❤

[@-_cat_-_paws-_]

I love being non binary

[@twotruckslyrics]

love being nonbinaryy ❤

[@sentientbeinggg]

I love it too! I just wish more people treated me as such :(

[@PolarSwim]

@@sentientbeinggg :(

[@claradoesnothing]

You managed to make me identify with something: you. I have the same exact experience as you. I concluded that I don't care what pronouns you use as long as you don't treat me with gender bias. Also I don't call myself agender because I don't even want the word "gender" in a word used to identify me; Instead I say I'm DEFAULT.

[@Azuuraas]

i'm non-binary AMAB living in Brazil (portuguese, gendered language!) gender neutral pronouns and terminology are used to make fun of the "woke mob" by the right-wing due to it not being "right" or "correct" in a grammatical way, and this along with the very limited spread of knowledge about gender identities for most people makes it so that it's harder for a cis person to wrap their head around these topics and leads to bigotry in a lot of cases people will still refer you with male or female pronouns based on where they put you in the gender binary, androgyny will lead to some weird looks and questions about "what you have in your pants" and a lot of people are hard-headed and it's pretty difficult to explain stuff that's new without getting bigoted responses. what i end up doing most of the time is just pretending i'm my AGAB IRL just to not cause any more issues (at max say that i'm aroace), and online, surrounding myself with other queer people that understand what it means to identify as the many different identities and sexualities, which is just not how i want to live and i get dysphoric every time about my appearance and when someone refers to me saying stuff about manhood.

[@Catssup]

This video was great, you shared it at the perfect time too for me since I'm going through a lot right now. I was just caught really caught off guard today by my mother coming into my room today to remind me "We're still waiting on your explanation for being non-binary, I'm pretty certain you're just being a tomboy."

[@sentientbeinggg]

That's so sadly diminutive...you're allowed to express yourself however and not need to be tied down to labels that might not fit you

[@Catssup]

@@sentientbeinggg Thankyou, this means a lot to me :)

[@Youwillseesomething]

I like being NB but it can be a bit upsetting sometimes I try to tell my pronouns to every person I can but it gets awkward when they forget and I have to tell them again not wanting to come off as annoying. At first people referring to me with He/Him pronouns was uncomfortable but now it’s just annoying. I don’t like being seen as masculine it’s not me. I want to be a bit feminine yes, but I also know I’m non-binary.

[@sentientbeinggg]

You're very valid!!

[@Youwillseesomething]

@@sentientbeinggg Thanks, you too.

[@pc_txears]

I'm a demigirl (the way I feel about it is it's more like I can switch between the two or be both at the same time, I think..? It's just this feeling) and I can't find not one person who will refer to me as 'they' or 'them' so I never can find that gratitude of being addressed properly. Not even friends will say it even after I've talked to them many times before and they agreed to start swapping it in and out with their usual vocabulary of 'she' and 'her' that they use for me. I'm also black + a minor and my people won't stop buying me more feminine presenting clothing no matter how many times I say that's nice but I like baggy alternative clothing more. I've thought about ways I can try to be more me but there's really just no way of winning with these people. So, overall, I can't say I fully understand but I will say after listening, I've grasped a better understanding on these issues. Thank you for talking about this, Sentient 🫶🏽.

[@sentientbeinggg]

Woah! I have a friend who's a demigirl. You guys are really neat. And as my own personal rule of thumb, if I meet someone who ...say they're masculine presenting and they have he/they pronouns, I make it my personal problem to refer to them mostly with they! People tend to ignore the they part. But I know what kind of joy it can bring to be referred to that way. I hope your friends will warm up to your preferred pronouns soon. Have a lovely day!

[@mhenderson7673]

That's so frustrating they won't refer to you how you want. A few years ago I asked my friends to start mixing in 'they' and 'he' to the usual 'she' but I think they kind of forgot and when I reminded them they used 'they' maybe once :( Now I don't have that problem anymore because I don't have any friends lol :') That may seem sad but on the plus side it's hard to get misgendered if no-one's talking about you!

[@princeinsomniac]

I feel this, Im not very open about it but I am nonbianary or at least SOME FORM of that and I totally get what your saying honestly. Its so frustrating and so dehuminziing when people treat me differently due to being nonbianary. Youre amazing for sharing your experience!

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean alot 🥹

[@eepycoco]

I’m an afab nonbinary individual as well and honestly, it’s been one hell of a struggle just getting comfortable in my own skin. I went though trying to be feminine(ish), it made me extremely self continuous so I pushed so desperately to be masculine and it hurt to have people still use she/her. It was one hell of an experience but in the end, as much as it can be a little unsettling when people use she/her, I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to use they/any and dress the way I feel like it. That being said, you’ll never catch me in a dress or skirt but I rely on my binders and flip flop between androgynous and masc clothing. I still use the fem designated bathroom cause of how I was socialized but it’s really nice to see more and more gender neutral bathrooms pop up. Anyway, I’ve come to terms with the fact people out side of my circle and even some in it are gunna see me as a girl and maybe that’s all they’ll ever see but as long as you’re happy in your skin and you surround yourself with people who respect and love you for who you are, that’s all that should matter. Easier said than done, I know, but I hope one day we can just live our lives peacefully :>

[@sentientbeinggg]

Seeing gender neutral bathrooms is so lovely and it proves that we can get there as a society. I hope we can live peacefully too one day!!

[@virsonyx]

YOU. YOU UNDERSTAND. SUBSCRIBED TO A FELLOW GENDERLESS ORB OF SENTIENCE

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

Hunter Schafer, a mtf transwoman actress I once admired, is enbyphobic and transmedicalist. When asked about it, she doubled down and insisted that enbies were taking up too much of the conversation and taking it away from transpeople. It was so disappointing that even WITHIN the LGBT community, there are issues with biphobia, enbyphobia, etc. Makes you feel unsafe everywhere. :/

[@Silliest-guy-the-ever]

I’m agender. I try to present androgynously, but I tow the line WAY too close to twink. I get shoved into boxes so much. It’s I *feel* like I am androgynous but I’m still pushed into boxes. It’s not fun. I know if I give up my identity it will be so much easier. But I can’t. It would make me so uncomfortable.

[@miguelblezio6694]

oh my god this found me at the best possible time!! i'm feeling so dysphoric bc a classmate found out my deadname and directly asked about it? i'm genderfluid, i like having masculine and feminine traits, i use he/they/she pronouns in that order, i'm not fully a guy OR fully a girl and that's somehow impossible for people to understand. even the people that support me, including all my trans friends, are binary and see me as just a guy. that's not me either and it's frustrating as hell. everything is so black and white in our society that even the possibility of thinking outside that norm is mind-blowing for people. and i'm done correcting everyone over my pronouns and explaining my identity and outing myself at every corner just so people can pretend to respect me. i just want to live.

[@Mk-dm5xu]

i've been scrolling through the comments to this video and i want to say hello to you, fellow genderfluid person ! it's so hard being genderfluid because so few people are and when you come out to someone, you feel like you have to explain yourself for hours because most of the time, they have never met a genderfluid person or even a nonbinary person in their life. just like you, i am so tired of explaining myself and correcting everyone that i don't come out - even in environments where it might be safe to do so. i prefer people thinking i'm a girl because that's all they know, rather than me actually trying and them not respecting me or walking on eggshells around me, you know ? and even with some people that do respect my pronouns, i sometimes have the feeling like they do it because they "have to", and not because they genuinely see me. i just want to live as myself and be seen

[@CrustyShoes-l2u]

This really resonated with me, like a lot of other thoughts from queer folks on here. It feels so difficult to untangle the whole construct of gender and put it into words, but over the years, and thanks to queer activism/education, I’ve started to question my own gender more every day. But I’m not yet at a point where I know if I’m NB or not. I’m an AMAB person, but since I was a child, the whole idea of gender as a social construct weirded me out, even though it was obviously more on a subconscious level back then. I still vividly remember the day when I expressed the desire to learn how to dance ballet, and my father absolutely lost his shit. Not long after, I was signed up at the local football/soccer club, and I absolutely hated it. I also loved giving my plushies and my sister’s dolls make-up and such, but my mom and I were pretty good at hiding it. She eventually got divorced, for the better. But it feels like at that point, it was too late, and the idea that I have to live as a boy was too much ingrained in my head, especially when bullying started in school because some people thought I was too girly. Today, I look at manhood as a social construct mostly with disgust, but at the same time, I don’t have any desire to present more feminine (except for painting my nails black once in a while and my already long hair). I still present myself clearly as a guy and am viewed and treated as such, wearing a beard and masculine clothes (even though I’m really slim and non-muscular, which is not really "manly"), but my character traits are pretty much feminine in the way that I’m very compassionate, gentle, emotionally intelligent, and I love taking care of others. There are very rare situations, even to this day, when people who don’t know me think they can mock me by calling me “she” or a girl, but to me, it doesn’t even feel wrong. Or at least it doesn’t feel more right or wrong than when I’m called “he.” They/them isn’t really an option in my native language. Calling myself and presenting myself as “he” just makes it way easier to live in this society since male privilege is real (not saying that men aren’t struggling or that being raised as a boy doesn’t come with its own challenges). Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because of it. I opened up to some close friends that I couldn’t care less what pronouns people use when addressing me. They felt kind of indifferent about it and said they would prefer to address me by “he” since that’s what they got to know me by and what I present as (they don’t “get” all that queer stuff but aren’t discriminatory about it either). At the same time, I really don’t want to refer to myself as they/them because, as mentioned, it’s not really an option in my native language, but also because I really, really don’t want to glue another label to myself and give people another box to put me in. There is this desire in me to surround myself with more queer, especially more NB, people, but as you mentioned, most of them are AFAB (and people identifying as NB are usually quite a bit younger than me), and because I present myself so clearly as a guy, just thinking about it feels like I would invade a safe space I’m absolutely not supposed to be in. Not to mention how this would look to bystanders who have zero understanding about queer people. I think I’d rather shoot myself right on the spot than ever work up the courage... Right now, I’m fine with redefining “manhood” for myself. Doing my small part dismantling the whole shithole that are social gender constructs. I wish one day we can all just live as... humans, as who we are and feel inside. That’s the first time I’ve opened up to such an extent on the internet, but it felt good to get this off my chest. Oh, and I really like your art; it’s very cute :) I started drawing again about 5 months ago myself (haven’t drawn anything since I was like... 14? I’m 30 now) and absolutely love it!

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you so much for sharing this, got me all emotional 😭Thank you for the compliment, and wow...such profundity. I wish one day we can all be seen as humans first :')

[@primaveral-s8s]

you are valid. Internalized transphobia and societal non-acceptance of gender non conforming people is a bitch. I hate that i used to think of AFAB nbs were "just doing it for attention" because of a single group of kids at my school that happened to be a combination of trans and unpleasant. I hate that i made that generalization because *I* AM trans(fem?) and *I hate* when other people make that generalization. I've voice trained enough to pass as a cis girl but some days I just wish I could use my boy voice and be this soft cute boy but I'll probably only ever present as female in real life because yeah, society sees gender as a very black and white thing. Even moreso when it comes to someone who IS trans suddenly presenting as their assigned gender... I'm not a detransitioner and it shouldn't matter even if I was. All I want is to be happy and maybe i cant explain my gender exactly but i wish i could present however i wanted without feeling dysphoria or peoples' judgment. On a side note, there are some really good resources in the Trans Academy and Scinguistics discord server on voice training and there are a bunch of people who would be happy to help if you want to voice train :) Androgyny is very much possible when it comes to voice. edit: I'm not unhappy at all with my choice to transition and i dont think what i feel when i want to boymode but cant is dysphoria necessarily. Living as a fem presenting girl who 8/10 days is happier being a girl than a boy is much better than living as a masculinw boy who felt unhappy with his gender 10/10 days. I just wish i could present as an andro(ish) boy on those 2/10 days and be the most happy about my gender as i could. but im super happy and also pretty lucky just to be where i am with transitioning now

[@Cheruerubi]

Yooo as a fellow agender person who relates to what you're saying, gender is fucked. But yeah feeling trapped in the way other people see you in regard to gender sucks. So the struggles real. Well wishes and if you're not a girl youre not one! The only person who gets to decide your gender is you.

[@ravenmationsyt3443]

I'm AMAB and duosex and I agree with alot of the thing said here. I feel this so much.

[@sentientbeinggg]

I'm glad you can relate !

[@chara2038]

Huh, this video reached me just at the right time! I realized I'm non binary very recently, the signs were always there but i only stopped to think about it now. In a way i feel that i would be way less anxious about it if i never even bothered reflecting on that and just kept being myself without finding a label for my identity. But on the other hand, seeing other people stating and expressing with confidence that "Yes, i am not a man, i am not a woman, i am myself and these labels don't fit who 'myself' is." always makes me happy and a little emotional, it's something i still am building up courage to be able to do. This is all still very new to me, and although i always felt a really strong kinship with androgynous presenting people and characters, i don't know if this is something i have the want (or even courage) to express. It's somewhat comforting to know I'm not the only one going trough these anxieties. Thank you for this video!

[@AbsolutelyAri1]

I know you are talking about yourself but I'm imagining Chara saying this which is kinda cool since they are enby too

[@chara2038]

@@AbsolutelyAri1 Hahaha! And i chose this username before figuring out i'm enby! As i said, the signs were there XD

[@TAKOkidd]

Issues in gender is inevitably related to issues in race. “Femininity” presented in media and mainstream conception actually refers to white femininity, while other forms of femininity are unacknowledged.

[@pörks-c7s]

I'm from germany and to be honest, it sucks. My school/city/surroundings are pretty homo and transphobic. Well, not everybody but actually coming out as non-binary would be my death. there are no pronouns in german that I'm comfortable with and just thinking about someone calling me as her or him makes me wanna trow up. Thats why I want to escape. I NEED to escape. Somewhere where english is like the native language because I feel good with they/them pronouns. My dysphoria also is pretty big and I struggle with it every single minute of the day. I want to do an exchange year to new zealand or canada or sth to escape. At least for a while. I cant handle this all anymore since I'm still pretty young and depressed and already burned out and it's all just getting to much

[@PloverTechOfficial]

Ah yeah I get it. I’m non-binary and there is no specific reason, like same reasoning that would be given to someone in the binary ig. I just feel so unwell about the concept of gender in general, I just need to escape it. Like someone trying to force me into a box in a way. So yeah, I’m here to fight the power. And when society is so hardwired to gender things (I’ll find that root and prune it eventually) it’s so hard to escape and I have to teeter in a delicate balance. Thanks for your thoughts ::)

[@tagliatelle]

as a non-non-binary person, this was really interesting to listen to! i wish i could send this to the people in my life who are less understanding of non-binary people (alas they don't speak english that well lol). i feel like those people often think a non-binary gender identity comes from a place of entitlement, when in reality so many non-binary people just (have to) accept being misgendered all the time for the sake of others and their own well-being. hope i'm not being disrespectful with this comment. props to you!!

[@sleepingbeauty6928]

I am also Black AFAB and non-binary/gender non-conforming and this is something I’m struggling with so much lately. I simply just want to be seen as a person and I don’t want to conform to gender roles. I’ve felt this way ever since I was a child and I’m finally able to live in my truth and understand who I am. I’ve been identifying as non-binary for 4 years and lately I just feel like I can’t fully live in who I am unless I’m around other queer people. I’ve stopped correcting people and just stopped caring and I feel like such a burden if I bring up my gender identity. Thank you for making this video, it really resonated with me.

[@Bonniferrous]

I really wish there would be a time where we didn't have any bigoted views of everything and could just treat people how they want to be treated. Sucks so much how the world is woth gender rn

[@Bonniferrous]

I am kinda glad I never had this issue personally like being misgendered cause I know no one would respect me so I don't even try even tho that also really sucks I hate how much pretending I have done on a regular basis. And that's all gonna be apparent when I'm gonna leave my job cause oh college and shit when in reality it's cause no one here likes LGBT people lol Also sorry for how little sense I make it's impossible to type

[@superStarshines]

thanks for making this. I've been talking about this obvious spectrum since like I was a lil kid 20 yrs ago, I didn't rly know where I felt til recently, but it certainly is at least fluid if not nb. I appreciate these sort of open commentary train of thoughts on this gender nuisance :c 2:23 feel that pressure. for sure.

[@pemanilnoob]

if i want ANYONE to not call me a girl or "her" i have to constantly look out for and correct people when they mess up, and i HATE IT!!! WHY should it be MY responsibility that others RESPECT ME??

[@sam_are_i]

being aroace is prob the easiest LGBT to be bc its just like "oh, you don't like dating and stuf" so I cant relate too much but good video, also ur really good at color picking in ur art.

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you so much and I would argue being aro ace is not very easy in the community due to ridicule and scrutiny but I am not that identity so I wouldn't know.

[@sam_are_i]

@@sentientbeinggg i havent seen much of it the only time ive seen it was to jaiden animations but she has a huge audience so atleast a few people would be upset at it

[@kibo1313]

The fact that society has so heavily pushed gendered roles on everything at this point is extremely frustrating when it comes to this type of stuff. Im a transfem, so I obviously don't 100% know where you're coming from but I do relate a lot. Like I hate the fact that from these masculine and feminine roles existing, there could be literally the straightest cis girl imaginable but she acts very masculine so people think shes trans or lesbian. Or a straight guy who paints his nails is assumed to be gay. Things like that are frustrating, and people have been conditioned to these roles for so fucking long it's ridiculous. A person's physical appearance doesn't define them. And that applies not only to identity and sexuality, but their personality and characteristics too.

[@DANKKrish]

Amab enby here. It's not good either. I can only ever transition if i lie that i'm a trans woman, like fucking hell. Also being gendered male all the time is tiring like my fucking soul is drained out of me.

[@theawesomeayla]

I feel a similar way. Like almost exactly the same. I just don’t want people to see me as a girl. Or a boy. I want people to see me as me. And I know I can just be me as a girl, but it feels so wrong to me. The gender binary seems so useless to me, but I understand that for others it’s everything. I absolutely hate the stigma that comes with being NB, like how people think I’m just a “quirky Tom girl/boy” or just don’t really see my identity at all. The awkwardness behind me identity is a struggle, especially when it comes to dating. But I remind myself how uncomfortable I feel when called a girl, when seen as a girl. I remind myself that being myself feels a lot better (despite it being awkward for others) than being someone I’m not

[@AcePangolin]

I just wanted to say thank you for putting this out there. I've been struggling with pretty much the exact same thing recently. I'm Non-Binary afab but being called a girl just feels so wrong, but it's exhausting to constantly correct people and it makes me feel guilty like they're going to think I think they're a bad person for if I mention it, which I don't, but it's still really hard to remember that my pain is worth mildly inconveniencing people for. And I sometimes enjoy dressing quite femininely. But I find myself tending to dress more masculinely because I'm like maybe people actually remember that I'm not a girl. Then. I feel like most the people I tell like you said just feel like I'm a girl but I want to be different or something? And that's just not why. Anyway, watching this made me feel really seen, and I hope that at some point non-binary people will just be able to exist without other people being weird about it.

[@EmyrianMusic]

Thanks for this. As a heavily masculine-presenting agender individual who uses any/all, it's just far too exhausting trying to defend myself whenever I refer to myself as anything but he/him or a man. I notice a difference in urgent care when I check the "other" or "rather not say" boxes on the check in sheet, and medically it doesn't matter more than my health. Sometimes I feel like a bro and sometimes I firmly reject it. And sometimes I feel like a princess or a queen, but in my little conservative town I feel the constant need to suppress that.

[@key1526]

This video put my gender experience into words in a way I have never been able to. My gender exists in relation to societal norms as much as it does to my own internal sense of “I am not a girl.” Some points you made especially struck such a cord with me, like being black in a white area and having that double minority status compounding your problems, I can relate to that, despite being white. I’m autistic, aroace, and nonbinary/genderfluid. It feels like I have to explain each of those things in detail whenever I mention one of them in passing and it is absolutely a barrier to me feeling connected to the rest of the world, and even to those I’m close with. People have these ideas about what my identity should look like and it’s exhausting to see those stereotypes on the daily. Or, the part about automatically responding when someone says something targeted at women/girls just because it’s how you were raised. It is often hard being nonbinary because I’ll exist in women’s spaces and feel community but I am repelled by the thought of actually BEING one. And I feel even less connected to the idea of being a man. Being trans but still connected to your AGAB isn’t something I have seen discussed in depth like this before and I am seriously glad to have found this video. Ever since I started questioning my gender, I’ve felt this pressure to categorize and explain it, especially after I’ve been outed to my parents and couldn’t even explain why I was anything other than a girl following a trend. I feel like I’m starting to get some headway now. Thank you very much

[@yx.chelle]

i relate a lot, especially about the part about being referred to as "they." I've only been called "they" once in real life (by another gender queer person) and the happiness it gave me was just insane honestly. i'm excited for when i can find people who can call me "he" and "they," not just she.

[@iganowak380]

(Vent) I sometimes just feel like crying. When I want to present little bit more feminine and then my dad comes and say how pretty I am and then I just hate it. I go to school and I hear "she" all the fucking time even if people know I don't identify like that, and I'm too scared to correct my school friends, and problem with my language is that we don't have any they/them pronouns that can replace it. And best point in my life is when I'm with my friends that are from LGBTQ+ community or in class with my teacher that actually uses my preferred name. I'm just tired. At the same time it doesn't really bother me. And then it all comes crushing down. Sorry for venting.

[@ApersonnamedPon]

Im a demigirl person and its actually so annoying to correct ppl that i use They/She (Ｔ＿Ｔ) this goes on in games and irl where i need to correct to use They/them when referred (and that friends and family can use She on me)) and sometimes the ppl respond so unnecessarily rude ;x; im glad that youve shared this too !! :3 i rlly love agender ppl and how unique yall r fr

[@WillUlt1mate11]

wait no but hang on they have a point- this is exactly what i've been experiencing, even in my close friend group (who is basically the lgbtq+ group in the sschool lol) keep mis-pronouning me and it's just gotten to the point where i feel awkward tryna correct them and i just deal with the little bit of pain every time.

[@xymaryai8283]

its always true that only your friends will see your true self. i am fembee to my friends, and i'm just a girl to the rest of the world. its possible to make yourself "look enby", but for those that don't specifically relate to that look or cant perform it often, yeah it kinda sucks.

[@xymaryai8283]

theres also that sex expression is bimodal, so people still fit things into either binary unless you get a specific set of genetic expressions that confuse ppl enough, and also that it is harder to break norms as an AFAB when they're already broken. AMABs can wear a dress and boom, norms fucked, but i'm not gonna go into the philosophy of that, i'm a tired bee

[@Liv_and_Ally]

I feel simlerly , my mom keeps trying to convince me I'm a girl, I'm not . I am proud to be non-binary. Unfortunately, i live in a place wherw the school can't call me by my perfered pronouns( they/them) . It's frustrating, most people asome I'm an female though i ushely try to dress smi-a rodeogemsly . I try to crocet my frends , family and teachers though not always secsful , I try it's just tough sometimes.

[@glacioursus]

I feel this stress. I am just me, even though I still dress as my assigned gender at birth. It does mildly give me ick when I tell people I'm non binary black person (He/They) and get "a 'spicy' black man, got it"

[@ivexy_]

this whole video is SO real thank u for making it ^^

[@sentientbeinggg]

You're so welcome!

[@snomvish]

As much as I wanna say “from one non-binary person to another, you shouldn’t care about if you present masculine or feminine”, but I am literally in the same boat. I’m AMAB and I’m terrified of doing anything to present less masculine

[@CorvineCadaver]

Im "technically" enby, but since I use male pronouns alongside xenopronouns I classify myself as a trans man I get how hard it can be, its really annoying. It doesn't help for me that I'm dunked on by my own community (for the xenopronouns).

[@an0n536]

I'm an agender AFAB too, and I felt this video to the core.. except I actually bind and wanna take testosterone. I used to think I was just a trans man, but no.. I just don't like being called a girl. It took me a while to realize, since in Spanish we don't really have "they/them" and just "elle" (a make up they/them, but for me it sounds weird) so I just prefer people calling me a he than a she.. and it pains me. because I realized, that even if I was born a man I would still be nonbinary. my mom does. I really hate how this world is so into stereotypes, I don't feel as anything of these things, I just wanna be seen as a person, not a woman, not a man, just a human being, a friend, etc.

[@daborsht616]

Yeah I'm ostensibly a trans man out of convenience, since it stops the she/hers and I'm more confortable presenting "masculine" but it's still restrictive. Like, the patriarchal idea of a "man" severely limits what I can get away with wearing without being misgendered or hatecrimed.I feel like I'm sacrificing less when I lean into stereotypical manhood because at least I'm not being "she'd" but I still feel like I'm sacrificing my desired androgynous presentation.

[@scroptels]

the world is gonna be the way it is and you can't change that, in the end the only person for who your identity really matters is yourself, that's the conclusion I've gotten to.

[@crunkers_]

I feel this video strongly. People all see me as male and I am completely lost on how to add any feminity at all. Basically everyone calls me he pronouns. I dont know how to get people to see me as agender.

[@chellivision]

Fuckkkkk. You read my mind. This is exactly what I’ve been thinking about lately. I will never go back to being my AGAB again, I’ll pop like a balloon. But when I think about it, how different is my life from before? I say I use any pronouns, but only when asked. Every so often I get called “they” which is nice, but. People always default to the ol’ AGAB when they don’t know. I don’t correct them, even though I go to a really safe and welcoming uni where other non-binary ppl are accepted. What has changed? Maybe I need a little pin. A non-binary flag. Or a gentle push to grow a spine and start telling people I’m non-binary more often. At least then, I could say I tried. If I could go back 200, 500, 1000 years to a culture where people like us were accepted, loved and had a place in society? I would be really fucking tempted to take that chance. At least for a day, to know what it’s like. But I think I’ll push through in this life. I’ll get there, and other people will too, because we’ll make ‘em. It might take twenty years of bullshit, but the right people will understand.

[@blep226]

So relatable. I dont really change how i look and only few people know how I identify. Its kinda imposible since they/them doesnt even exist in my language . I wish I could just be person first and not my apperent gender but oh well. Im alwazs the happiest when Im alone and dont have to play a role of "girl" for others

[@sentientbeinggg]

So so real!

[@kdovee]

its absolutely incredible how much i relate to this video. i am afab nb but i havent really changed anything drastically about myself from looking like a girl - and sometimes i really wish i could just be a girl and avoid all the talk around not being one - especially in my country which is very conservative and mostly does not understand anything beyond someone being trans - and that still is being incredibly judged and people hide it from the world aswell, plus additionally my language does not offer a good option for a singular they so people really dont have any other choice but to refer to me as a she/her in that language anyways. everything you said here was what my thoughts have been like for the past few months and im so grateful to you for sharing your experience because its basically identical to mine, and i really felt alone in it all this entire time.

[@icant_careless]

I relate to this mental struggle so much I'm glad I'm not the only one always rethinking my gender identity. I always arrive at the conslusion that yeah it's actually not that complicated I just *am* agender and that's it. I would love to be a girl right now I really vibe with the alt girl aesthetic but I'm just not a girl at the end of day I'm just me.

[@sentientbeinggg]

Oh my gosh I dress in a sort ..of alt ish way, maybe more emo and it's really fun!!!!!

[@Angel_Kittichik]

You’ve expressed a lot of the same thoughts I have had about myself. It’s easy for me to present androgynous or masculine online because of my naturally deep voice, but I look like your average Russian-American woman. Sometimes I wonder if I actually am Agender, but at the same time not any two Agender experiences are the same so I very well could be. I’m still trying to discover myself.

[@sentientbeinggg]

I wish you luck on your gender experience

[@Angel_Kittichik]

@@sentientbeinggg Thank you so much 🥹🌻

[@ByrdieFae]

You. I don't know you at all but just hearing this, I feel like you're my twin. I thought that having these thoughts was because I'm not out IRL, but it looks like not... You are super brave, talking to family and new people about it, even if it sucks. I hope you realize that ❤

[@sentientbeinggg]

Thank you🥹

[@samuzamu]

Thank you for your raw honesty and awesome art! I'm an amab enby but have lived a big part of my life socially as a woman, so I feel like I relate both to amab and afab trans people somewhat. Right now I'm half comfortable with my gender presentation, I float around somewhere between fem-leaning and masc-leaning androgyny, but mostly I get seen as a woman. The rare times I get seen as a man are kinda funny, but I would love for the gendered expectations to not be put on me by society. Sometimes I question my identity but everytime I return to agender with dysphoria (also called neutrois). The journey to find some kind of peace has been long but I've finally created some kind of peace within myself. Being enby is an endless struggle, but I couldn't be any other way!

[@binxandfriendsundersister9269]

As an isolated enby - who has moderate transphobic people in my life. I naturally shut down upon getting shed on a regular basis. It's really hard to correct people who get irritated, or who are not acceptable to change. It's exhausting, so you dissociate in any way you can, despite the dysphoria that enby as myself - can't describe. My mom just can't accept that she does not have a daughter anymore.

[@CrimsonDelphox]

As an enby, I hear you and I relate a lot. It's all so hard... All of your feelings and thoughts are valid and I really appreciate you sharing them with us. 💜

[@wrasse1155]

I'm nonbinary, and also technically ftm since I'm on hrt. I definitely empathize with your situation. It's hard to feel valid in your own identity when everyone except close friends referrers to you as your assigned gender. It sucks having so many traits be associated with uncontrollable physical features. For me personally, I've gained a lot of confidence since being on hrt and becoming more androgynous. Being treated as male feels more "neutral" to me, but I can still dress up feminine if I want to. In that way it feels like I'm more control of my own femininity.

[@Gahahaaa]

I felt that I could relate with a lot of the things you were saying, as an afab enby whose voice is too high and smooth and body too feminine to ever really come off androgynous. I remember voice chatting with an online friend and showing them my face for the first time, and the look on his face when he saw me. Even though he never calls me she/her pronouns, there's still a creeping feeling in the back of my head that they still think of me as a girl by accident sometimes, and the worst part is, I can't even blame them for it because I'm undeniably feminine in the mannerisms that I've practiced, even though I'm not a girl

[@adthgu6336]

Yeah I also don't assosiate with a gender at all, I activly feel like there is an emptiness where my gender should be and get a sort of sting in my brain when people use anything but my name I used to think it was just because I'm mentally ill since I feel hollow or angry in general at seemingly random occations, so I just ended up compartmentalising and suppressing it along with all my other problems Havn't actually told anyone I personally know as it would likely just cause more issues, and what difference would it make?

[@dawnwest3125]

I know that people will "She" me by default. It doesn't really bother me when it is someone who doesn't know me. But some people try to know me. I tell them that I'd prefer to be called 'Dawn', but they is fine. Yet those people whom tried to know me keep going She. It's like a small betrayal, since they cared to ask what I prefer, and discarded my wishes immediately; sometimes even telling me that my request is inconvenient. Its gross

[@EulersIdentitysIntegralStaff]

I'm a demigirl who wants to present androgynous, I honestly relate, one time when I was in the car my mother was on a call and called me "She" and that time I felt my heart drop, it felt...wrong, that's when I realized...I wasn't exactly a girl, and then I found the term "Demigirl" and I started going by She/They around my friends and online, I never shared with my parents though, because I feel they won't understand, but I feel good right now!

[@sentientbeinggg]

I'm glad to hear that!!