Being Public About Breaking From Your Parents - Pros and Cons

[@wheretonow6172]

Your channel was the only place I could go to find knowledge, understanding, empathy, and solace as I broke from my family.

[@lauramytunes]

YEA........WHERE TO NOW???

[@umchinagirard1800]

Seek out a community that inspires you, has cheap sustainable housing, many 12 steps groups, like ACA, that’s got housing support groups and people who are living in that post family scapegoat apocalypse in a beachside lifestyle

[@juneelle370]

Jay Reid is another great channel for understanding and escaping the scapegoat dynamic! 🌼

[@AnaSoares1506]

Me too!

[@claudiaschneider5744]

@@umchinagirard1800 : That seems to be a future dream for mankind - and I don´t want any 12 step meetings from ACA around me - not really. Thank you.

[@lissaToday5787]

My mother died when I was 2, I was left in the care of her family and later my fathers family who both traumatised me throughout my whole childhood, my mission was to run away as soon as I was able to and I did, I recently learned that I was a scapegoat. I haven’t had contact with either of them in nearly 15 years and I never will, I nearly died. I now live with my child, just the two of us and I couldn’t be more happier. If you have a narcissistic dysfunction family… LEAVE NOW

[@greciaperez830]

You being so raw and real is like drinking a tall glass of water after being stuck in the desert for days. I have been watching your videos for about a month and it has only confirmed that I am a free spirit in a world trapped in a trouble way of thinking. I find myself rewatching videos and I gain more and more. Thank you. PLEASE KEEP POSTING

[@BlynkyLand]

I've watched some of them a few times. He really is helpful.

[@umchinagirard1800]

Yes 🙌 agree 🌊💕

[@andrewparry1474]

It's one thing to get myself out of the family system. That's the easy part. It's very much another thing to get the family system out of me. It's like quicksand. The more I fight it within myself, the more I sabotage my own life in exactly the same ways!

[@OspreyIAM5573]

I completely innerstand what you are going through… but please believe me when I say that sooner or later it will be over… And it’s gonna feel so calm and peaceful inside that absolutely NOTHING will bring you back to the state you are in right now… Meantime know that there are people ( as myself) out there who know and support you!🌻

[@alexisscarbrough4083]

Yes, detoxifying is painful and returns when u think you're done, and out of nowhere. It gets easier the more we flex and stretch these new muscles & feelings

[@umchinagirard1800]

Have you perhaps tried an ACA 12 step program face to face … many identifying as the scapegoat

[@dmackler58]

Nicely said, Andrew.

[@paingoingcrazy6997]

Well said

[@aurorafarinetti70]

I found this quote which in my opinion reveals a great truth: " to anger an honest person, tell them a lie; to anger a narcissist tell them the truth". Telling the truth to my narc parents and finally standing up for myself, after a life of self doubts, emotional pain and denial, and exposing their overt and covert favoritism, their verbal and emotional abuse, their unfairness, made them even more cruel and rigid. I had been given a "role" in the family, being a daughter in their eyes I was "less worthy". As such, I was expected to accept and agree with their beliefs. But when I couldn't tolerate their behavior any more, because it hurt so much, and finally left, I was punished, criticized and disinherited. All I was asking and hoping for, my whole life, was some real, sincere apology. I would have forgiven them, for the nth time, if they had shown some honesty, just to hear the words "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry". But they never felt sorry because they consider themselves perfect, just and right. I am the ungrateful black sheep. And my golden child sibling seems to enjoy the situation. The sad and absurd thing is that they are so good at convincing people to stay on their side. And I'm alone. But there were no other choices for me.

[@amandam4148]

This is me too

[@sandrinemarchand8669]

Without you I'm sure I would have come back multiple times to my parents. But you always helped me remember why I took this decision.Thanks for being a public figure about it. You are "saving" life. Before breaking up with my parents I was unhealthy in so many ways and a shell of myself, I didn't even really believe I had a self . For this reason even through the pain of being scapegoat by your whole family, siblings friends of parents, aunts...it's still worth it. You have to remember that you are not losing everything by breaking up with them, you were losing everything when you were WITH them, you didn't have yourself and how can you have others when you don't even have yourself. You were more lonely with them than without them, everything was fake cause it relied and worked on a false self. In this way by breaking up you gain, you discover yourself and in this way see also the truth about others. It hurts but it's a great joy as the same time.

[@MsWing-ij9nb]

Sandrine- beautifully said. Your words of truth on inner freedom gained by letting go of toxic family resonates with me. 🙏 thank you

[@1ORiiON]

Well said 👑💯

[@kaystephens2672]

He's so awesome isn't he. I love his bravery and open mindedness. He's so right about this shared psychosis. They want you to fail so that can say "I told you so". To Be Right.

[@alexisscarbrough4083]

I don't know how you're doing this but you're channeling my parents as you describe the things they've said. Like you, I too spoke up & the rejection I received was dressed in contempt and disgust. I'm a liar. They say this as they tell me to remove the "hideous drawings" of them from my flashbacks. Miserable people have no business raising children. Bravo, hold strong.

[@alexxxO_O]

YES!!! MISERABLE PEOPLE HAVE NO BUSINESS RAISING CHILDREN!!!

[@___________________1]

Spot on as always ! most parents see their children as solely a microcosm of themselves or their world rather than the child being their own entity, and if specific attributes about the parents are not displayed in the child , most cases it is seen as betrayal ..

[@threethrushes]

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I broke away from my family of origin, And so did you!

[@BlynkyLand]

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Then Jill divorced Jack for a stupid reason and all the kids came tumbling after. 😛

[@umchinagirard1800]

Wish this was a club, or organised big political party 🎉

[@laurar.2866]

I wouldn't have broken from my family if I hadn't found your channel. I am not as brave as you are but I would like to be. You are really an inspiration and I thank you for that.

[@gracezhou207]

Thanks Daniel for sharing your story. It is very difficult to even admit the thought of wanting to break up with parent, not to mention going public. You are right that most people who are suffering from toxic relationship with parent lack of role model to make the right move. I am blessed to have found your channel and I broke from my mother 3 months ago. My mental health improves a lot since then. Best wishes to you.

[@umchinagirard1800]

Me too

[@island661]

Being away from my parents is great! I don't miss them at all. I wish them well, and I don't have any ill will. Nice knowing you. 👋🏻 Thank you for doing these videos. 🙏🏻

[@jordanferguson2254]

That part about your dad defending criminals and how you saw parallels in your life made me tear up. Thanks for this video as a whole. Everything was so insightful and deep. I'm happy you do what you do, makes me feel less "abnormal" as I've been called.

[@SamanthaFule]

I needed this today. I've been estranged from my parents since October. I was guided to let it go. Let go of hoping for things to change and to carry on with being my authentic self and not look back.

[@hollyporter7536]

Some kids stay in the sick family system to get $$$ & free houses from the parents. I've seen it many times. ☣

[@umchinagirard1800]

That’s survival mode and most inherited traits

[@vlogcity1111]

Oh my god my brother is doing exactly that! He’s got all the bad narcissistic abusive traits now! He’s broken and all for only a million dollar inheritance! It’s going to cost more in therapy than 1m$ to fix the damage and abuse put that into perspective. You pay for 10 therapisists around the clock and it can’t undo the damage. He sat around for 8 years in an abusive family all for an inheritance! It broke him

[@hybridmongrel]

Thank you so much again, Daniel. I have broken with my parents for a few years now, after not seeing much of them for 10+ years before. And I am 60, it's taken a long time! Over the past two years I've found out a lot about the damage they endured and the almost inevitable passing on of at least some of that to me and my siblings. And I have a context (of Cluster B Personality disorders, although it's obviously not that formulaic) totally unexplored by them, that caused my neglect. Luckily I was relatively unscathed enough to reinvent myself and try not to be like them, with my own family of wife and three daughters. But the scathing is there and I'm entering an intense period of finally coming to terms with my damage and how it affects me and people around me. A social context is really important I feel, not to over-individualise the solutions or remedies for our progress from realisation to improvement as a person who can love themselves and people we choose to be around.

[@crisisguy21]

Big respect Daniel, your work has been instrumental for my own individuation

[@3nrika]

Once more you are shining a light, this time for the flowers to unfold. What you describe is precisely how the story went in my own life as well. I started speaking out to my parents naively at the tender age of 12-13, questioning their clearly questionable choices and decisions and behaviours, lack of integrity and fake niceness. It didn't take long until I was singled out as the scapegoat of the family and the abuse really escalated. After many years and a lot of pain I can take genuine pride in having raised myself, drawing on philosophers, the rare good teacher and ultimately people like you Daniel. Dandelions break asphalt!

[@NOT_SURE..]

a couple of months ago i heard about an excercise where you write to your toxic family member , explaining how you feel , then throw the letter away.......i posted mine ! haha it was the best thing i ever done , ..i actually had no contact for over a year but ended up in hospital last april with a tumour so they had to be involved but the abuse didnt stop even when i was laying in hospital with cancer , ! it got worse . ive now got rid of the cancer in my life in every way haha.

[@veganphilosopher1975]

Thanks Daniel. I had a particularly hard day today. Listening to your videos and hearing what you've been through give me hope for the future.

[@sabina7978-e4y]

❤️ True, not easy, but it's possible as you says, I did it too.

[@MICHAELSMITH-yd1it]

You are a brave, modern day pioneer. Thank you for being an inspiration!

[@elipotter369]

My parents were so concerned I would speak re what they did, that they they got in first by badmouthing me to everyone! - the result being people came and asked me about it, so I was obliged to discuss it in my own defence and to try and explain their bizarre and embarassing behaviour. My plan was to keep my family issues private from the wider family and place of origin, because it would create unnecessary sadness etc and I was happy to go along with the nice family reputation we had prior. But my parents and siblings have totally messed up our reputation with their badmouthing of me!!! This has been going on over five decades and isn't going to stop.

[@claudiaschneider5744]

David - you really hit the nail and I guess, most people here do admire your bravery. Speaking in public - like on social media - the mispoke would try to kill me - they are without any doubts and no qualms - at all. Thank you for open up your mouth and heart.❣

[@ilkeks1639]

You and dr.ramani and patrick teahan and mental healness are saving lifes. Thank u so much for your perspective I feel so lucky for listen to you guys.hope we will gonna break the chain

[@linie1450]

We have very similar family.

[@paingoingcrazy6997]

So true, when you try to break out and speak up, you get crushed by all sorts of people from all different cultures. And sometimes there are crabs who are outside the barrel and are relatively healthy, but don't want any more crabs escaping and getting to their level of freedom. They can crush us too. And it definitely is a global thing sadly, not just America.

[@bijan1316]

Please talk more about anger. Specifically - how to get in touch with your anger for people who were programmed to repress their anger.

[@dmackler58]

Bijan-- Hmm, I did make a video on anger: kzbin.info/www/bejne/d3vIgImha6dqjsk I also have a lot of self-therapy videos on this channel that you might find useful. All then best, Daniel

[@frau_ic]

4:49 I lay under the table half laughing, half crying. Yes, the world is a kindergarten of horror.

[@levilabs1781]

Generally, I'm stuck healing while living with them. Until I'm more healed, I'm incapable of making money, and that's why I'm stuck. Every day I get closer to my goals though, just got to fight, and fight, and fight...

[@MsWing-ij9nb]

Daniel, as always, thank you for your courage in sharing your story and for spreading compassion to the world in the way that you do. Love the crabs 🦀 in the crate analogy. I’m one of those crabs who managed to escape like you :) I hope sincerely that my siblings will do so for themselves; I miss them, I really do- that’s the really painful part of family separation and the poison of entanglement /enmeshment by narc parents. It’s so hard to witness that level of soul destruction with loved ones I grew up with…who remain stuck and tormented; then becoming tormenters, abusers and enablers themselves. I could go on…but I’ll stop myself here. I didn’t realize how much I needed to see this video of validation in this moment; but actually earlier today I was remembering how it’s been nearly three years since I decided to allow myself a hiatus from family communications completely. To save myself; preserve my sanity and well being. It has been the most precious gift I’ve given myself - that gift of emotional freedom. Though I wish I had the insight and courage to do so earlier, I’m glad I eventually came around to finally listening to my inner being and soul; I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And figured I may not know what’ll come of this family separation but I’m rock bottom - three years later, I’ve experienced so much pure joy, light, love and openness than I’ve ever had before.

[@umchinagirard1800]

I miss my siblings too and their humour

[@adcap631]

thank you Daniel, what a star you are! Most real of all. The commandment 'honour your father and mother' is bizarre . Both my parents were narcissists, mother violent, father a bully. My role was to be the kind, wise, gentle and asexual little 'boy'. Anger went inwards and I became a depressed repressed man. I finally got away, but even from the grave we are still battling. I'm now 62 and, as you suggest, wrestle with the conditioning I was bought up with. BUT I've never regretted breaking from them. Almost all of the wider family have discounted me as a 'loser'. Thankfully that's not my problem.

[@christinebadostain6887]

About the "honour thy father and mother". I realize on this channel I am in the minority, but I feel it can be both/and. I can detach from (I have) and honour them as well.

[@adcap631]

@@christinebadostain6887 guess it depends on circumstances. It's not possible it they primarily want you to be dependant and emotionally stunted, and you want to become independent and emotionally healthy. However some part of them might admire you, or anyone that actually manages that.

[@christinebadostain6887]

@@adcap631 Thank you for responding. Establish boundaries and honour parents

[@cricketycrickets3141]

It's not bizarre, it's deliberate. To get the parents to bring their offspring to church, then they can be indoctrinated while still young. And when parents come to church, they drop a few bucks in the basket, parents get to feel entitled to respect, everybody wins except the poor kid.

[@claudiaschneider5744]

OMG David - my narc producers even made a sociopath out of my son - while I was a 19 years old single mom - they use to raise him up since he was a baby - because I had to go working to earn our money - they turned him completely against me - and he became real messed up and later - he broke up with me. It was such a horrible night mare what these people did to us. Never let those narc grandparents have your children - because they spoil them - without any boundries - and when they fail - they put all the blame on you!

[@cjplx]

You abandoned your son?

[@irenahabe2855]

I love u, man. Thank u 4 speaking out. It's not easy, we are vunerable. But... it is worth it!

[@lauramytunes]

It is very very hard, I agree. I dont think I'll manage it and my therapist said I cant do it either. I care to much about them and brothers. Even though we are genx, my brothers are DEEPLY IN IT and cant get out, one wants or tried and the other wants to be in and take care of them. I am and have been trying and dont know how. It feels like death. I keep finding/meeting people who are like them and the boundaries are hard to keep in place cuz I dissociate which causes confusion in the relationshit and mixed signals. Then I get upset/disappointed in myself for being so mixed up. So I end up cutting people off and am virtually alone 95%of the time and like I said it feels like death. Like I'm literally being ripped/tearing myself apart from my mother's skin like we are fused together. It totally SUCKS!!! Thanks for your videos. You are indeed brave!! EDIT: to say if anyone has any feedback I would really appreciate it alot! Also I wish you all much love, luck and success on your journeys 💛

[@MusicAddicted555]

You are not alone in that - i wantend to go a different path, but the Parts in me wouldn‘t let me. I guess everybody‘s path is different. I have lots of sick in me too. All the best to you

[@MusicAddicted555]

The Problem is also that it is biology not also psychology which is Hard to Override

[@lauramytunes]

@@MusicAddicted555 thank you, yes we are all on different paths and I'd like to keep believing most of us end up at the same place.🙏

[@Earl_E_Burd]

It seems to me you are on the right track. It's not always a rip the band-aid off situation. For me, using the grey rock technique over the past couple years has helped me transition to getting my heart out of the relationship with my parents (be as dull as a grey rock, zero care what they think, no longer doing things to appease them to earn that conditional love, like finally getting to be a rebellious teen). Siblings are the hardest part, in my opinion. If your brother is gonna take care of them then that might be a blessing in disguise for you. Hold your boundaries that the only person who can save us is ourself. That implies that you can't save your brothers - in doing so, it robs them of their own journey. They need to save themselves. The rewards are in the struggle, otherwise it wouldn't feel rewarding. Maybe drop them some hints. One I used in my family of carboholics is I started saying "I eat my feelings" a lot and they caught on and started repeating it about themselves. Also informed them about carbs since they didn't understand simple carbs. Small hints, like CPTSD and talking about trauma is another hint to drop so they know where to start if they dig in. Or find some videos to share that's indirect but on topic, tactically slipped in at the right opportunity. Best of luck to you, hang in there, the harder it gets the sweeter it'll be on the other side!

[@Casserole_Girl]

I've been no contact with my parents for 5 years. I don't talk publicly too much about being no contact, but I do talk about the truth of my parents abuse growing up.

[@bartjohnston]

yup, thank you Daniel

[@pod9363]

What is this last ~5% part that you still need to grieve, do you think? Is it something that requires more intense grieving by magnitudes or is it something you just haven’t narrowed down yet?

[@zah936]

Thank you, Mr Mackler.❤

[@MaBoJo1]

Thank you for this video Daniel. Thank you for speaking up on this topic that shouldnt be taboo. hopefully a future comes where it isnt!!

[@НаталиИзмаилова-ф2х]

Your channel was recommended by KZbin. OMG your videos are so helpful👍🔥🔥🔥🔥 Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️👍👍👍👍

[@MrAllstar]

Thanks Daniel, I deeply appreciate your sharing these insights, it’s a great help to me 👍

[@Thats_my_opinion_so_chill]

THANK YOU for this video!! Please keep sharing the truth, it will be healing and liberating for you and others 🙏🏼

[@user-ud4vf2hd7i]

New family system. ❤

[@one1511]

Thanks Daniel. 😊

[@astrearibeiro]

Thank you, very courageous video. I wish the 'normal' world was turned upside down and the truth of it would be revealed because all the trash would fall from its 'pockets'. Thanks for inspiring people to feel their own strength to face this 'normal' world.

[@ilinavelkova858]

Thank you very much!

[@sonyaalyoshkin8485]

Very wise words.

[@isakmloyeni920]

great video! stay with peace!

[@Medietos]

There seems to be so few healthy people, and especially ones for me to associate with. Does one attract healthuíer ones as one heals, ARE they there, just out of "reach"? I fear healing, because I'd become even more aLonely.Because in some ways, I am healthy.

[@christinebadostain6887]

The things you are saying I apply to the sick "family system" of the present world paradigm as well: "that system does not want people to escape or break out or become real". The threat to its lies is too real

[@annmarie6870]

I’m trying to make a decision on my own without my mother or father getting involved and it’s been hard. I’m 37 which means I need to make a decision on my own. I’ve even had a mental health clinic I attend giving me an answer and a huge part of me just want to give up and move on.

[@Gandalf_the_quantum_G]

I don't believe that there are good sides of one's parent, because in case they misused you emotionally for their own needs, that one had to sell him/herself out to get to see the "good side" for one's whole life, then they didn't have and don't have any good attributes, they just have an image of it, a copy, but it serves a destructive reason. If one looks at the bigger picture, they don't love their children, anyways they believe that they do since they're in denial about their own traumas, so they can even tell you they do love you, but they don't even have a grasp what they're talking about, they just say that to manipulate one to be able to continue with what they believe is a good and lovely behavior, but which in reality is an ongoing terrorising of one's psyche in a perfidious way. There is no good sides in them, because they always just do friendly or good things to hold this almost psychotic view of theirselfs and their history consistent. They're not just dissociative, because they are not just dissociated from their own, but they somehow create this inner perception and view of things, which is in most of the parts built on phantasies and imagination, which they do believe theirselfs, cause they are in denial of theirselfs, so they have to fill this space of identity somehow and I'm always amazed how they explain, who they're and what makes them and then looking at the actual reality, it seems psychotic, because you can't believe someone is having such far off reality based perspectives about themselfs and their behavior. But maybe they were not good to you, never, but even though they don't have any good sides within them, for other people they can randomly do good things at times, even though they didn't do it for the other person, more for themelfs, so of course they're absolutely human beings and deserve all the respect for being humans as every human deserves it. But to oneself they just don't care anymore. They're just off. Not working. I didn't take any good sides of my parents to help me grow, because there isn't any. And that's okay with me. Better to not be delusional about things like this, because if you do believe there are good sides in them in relation to yourself: that will keep their voice inside of your brain alive - because you still see parts of them as good and you're in the state of cognitive dissonance. And that will cost you alot in every day going on. Just my opinion. Everyone is free to decide for his/her own, if that comment is useful to them or not.

[@jakubwisniewski9123]

5:54

[@idan4989]

Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

[@AstroMartine]

It is not always a clean-cut situation. I wonder how feminism factors into this, don't want to hijack the topic, but to me it is obvious that women not getting the same opportunities in the world as men definitely adds to a lot of BS in general society. Most married women I know stay with their partners out of fear-fear of judgment, fear of financial insecurity, fear for their safety(especially those who live in really unsafe environments) etc, and out of it the kids often suffer the most. My mother was like that, despite having the highest IQ in her company, being a self-taught programmer in the 70s and 80s, she made only about one 5th of what my father made, and came from a modest family background, so if she had divorced, she would have dealt with not just massive criticisms from society but poverty as well, which caused her to stay married and ruin my childhood. I spent most of my 20s just trying to mend what was broken and am not fully healed yet. To this day I feel torn between still caring for my mother, despite her inability or unwillingness to see the truth about her life and my father, and wanting nothing to do with her. The main reason I minimized contact with my parents is because they're married, if it were just her living alone, I would visit more often. I wonder how many others are caught in similar mind-F*cks.

[@BlynkyLand]

I would only really have a relationship with my sister, as she's the one that never hurt me, but she's tight AF with mom, who is the cause of all my traumas. I feel you there. But in my family, my mother enjoyed all the fruits of 70s feminism, had her own full-time jobs, made good money. It was when she got the Big Idea to divorce my father and move 1000 miles away that it all went to hell for my brother and I. And, financially, she didn't need him. So she just went.

[@umchinagirard1800]

Yes and perhaps the feminine principle in men needs support too? My mom bashed me and terrorised dad, it’s all part of patriarchy. Patriarchy hurts boys too. They refer to Russia as she!!! Or mother!!! Look at the significant dates and historical repeats patterns.. Russia had a war same time is in astrology and look at day tesla born and Freud we r in a feminine rising … watch chriselda Pacheco talk with two astrologists today .. all 3 were families scapegoat girl 👧 R we in a rising place for the veils to lift yet ?

[@BlynkyLand]

@@umchinagirard1800 You lost me at bigfoot. 😯

[@umchinagirard1800]

Crabs 🦀 in the barrel bucket 🪣…. Yes it’s hell and painful…. Aca 12 steps… not many places or people who understand this horror… it seems housing, good quality housing in inspiration place Eg; ocean 🌊 or beach 🏖… perhaps secure housing key SOLUTIONS

[@Hope-un5wv]

Could you do something about living with torture from your Government please? I am finding it difficult to cope with.

[@Earl_E_Burd]

I find layers to the trauma. From our family of origin, then at the subculture level, then society, and ultimately human nature. Trauma is a feature of humanity.

[@nishasankaran]

❤️🙏🏾♥️

[@lepepenio]

FIRSTTT 🥇

[@pod9363]

NOOOO

[@D4902-q1r]

Daniel, why don't you turn adsense on on your channel? You provide such great content, I wish you were getting some monetary reward, you deserve it.

[@umchinagirard1800]

It’s good no advertising

[@dmackler58]

I agree it would be nice to make some money from these videos, but I just hate ads! I like having a channel that's as ad-free as possible. No offense intended to those who monetize their channels, but I just prefer not to. But thank you for your kind words D4902 !!

[@umchinagirard1800]

Siblings have different experiences… Julia roberts told her scapegoating sister to suicide

[@isakmloyeni920]

i insist GOD is genious

[@Jaredthedude1]

Is Daniel just posting old videos as if new now?

[@dmackler58]

This is a new video, but with a different perspective on some previous subject matter that I shared.

[@isakmloyeni920]

mankind has waited for family forever. it is about to come with the same blood that has been here since the beginning. peace!

[@umchinagirard1800]

Britney Spears and Prince Harry break out of family systems…. Declaring war… scapegoating dynamics are everywhere…. The wil smith might break up his unhealthy relationships… norm…

[@umchinagirard1800]

Queen 🫅 of England has a favourite son Prince Andrew

[@umchinagirard1800]

Elton John rejection by his mom in his movie 🎥

[@lorileifer613]

It's not a war against them, Daniel. If you really think you've won against the sickness of the family system and are healthier, etc., then you wouldn't suggest/propose a warring perspective. I love your videos but I have to disagree with you here.

[@vlogcity1111]

Are you crazy it is a war! You’ve obviously never had narcissistic family try to falsely incriminate you or have you deemed mentally unstable because you point out when they traumatized you.

[@SpiderMan-od3kr]

I think you don't show enough respect towards your parents. Even most abusive parents make tremendous sacrifices for their children and love them deeply. Their deficits come out of their own suffering. Hurt people hurt people. I reconnected to my parents for years because of a line in a movie. A middle-aged man was a friend and a mentor to a runaway teen girl and he said, "You're lucky you still have family. I can't even call mine up to say 'I hate you'"

[@sinqobilem]

That last line is tragic. We are only attached to our parents because they care for us in our vulnerable state as children. They aid our survival and the feelings of affinity we develop towards them are an inherent sociological response. The same occurs with people who are raised in non biological families. Parents who abuse us deserve no respect. Abuse doesn’t have to be intentional. Control is abuse. The outcome is a stifled child who endures complex ptsd. You are missing the key element of true love in a parent-child dynamic. It’s comprised of care, responsibility, commitment, respect and trust. I am shocked to read that you would rather a family who doesn’t love you the way you deserve, than no family at all. And of course you mean blood family. Creating a family out of blood relation is just as real if not more genuine because it requires true commitment outside of relational obligation. I truly feel sorry for you.