Being "The Other Woman" | How it Relates to Childhood Emotional Neglect and Unmet Needs

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Let us know what you thought about this video. Please drop your comment below:

[@niar3214]

I think for me there was a desire to earn my worth, like if I could potentially make them want me. So I think that’s tied to thinking I’m not worthy as I am. That’s a lot about the subconscious. I liked investing in people who make me think I’m unworthy and I hope they’ll think otherwise. I have to believe I’m worthy as I already am. I’m already worthy. And I deserve to already be someone’s first priority (not the other woman). I have to believe I deserve better because I am worth it. As I already am.

[@Augmented--]

“They are busy with someone else’s needs instead of yours” OUCH! That was the smack I needed.

[@yanamclaughlin]

Thank you Thais. Today is the anniversary of my being hospitalized for active suicidality while involved in a dynamic like this & trying to extract myself from it. I've been clutching myself and sobbing all morning. This video came right on time

[@MsCLAUDIANL]

I wish you healing and love ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Sending you lots of love and care. I wish I was there to give you a hug ❤

[@irynaguziy1202]

Wishing you Light and well-being 🌱🌻

[@gillpendleton1197]

❤️

[@Reiko29DBS]

You are worth so much more than how you are treated. I deal with similar.

[@angelc.4829]

I've realize that was exactly the way I always felt growing up; trying to prove my worth, always trying to justify the lows with the highs, and never feeling good enough and always guilty. I've put with friendships and romantic situations that make me feel the same way. Now im in the closest situationship I've ever been and i deeply care about this person, but obviously they do not care about me enough. But im so comfortable with this that i 100% prefer suffer because of this that actually try something healthy cause it terrifyies me. Now i want to stop this but i feel so alone at this moment that im just afraid of going through that alone. I don't have any close friends and familly members aren't an option to rely on.

[@RitaP41]

"If we don't have a subconscious comfort zone around the things that we're yearning for, we can only ever accept them for very short periods of time." Thanks for educating people!

[@Self-helper415]

Great info! I also think another experience that the “other” may have experienced is their primary care provider putting other people as a priority over them such as step parents, perhaps subconsciously they are used to not being a priority, it’s familiar and wounding as well. Just another thought to add to the conversation.

[@Anastasiapajarillo]

I just realised even I haven’t been “the other woman” in this conventional sense, I often have invested in men that they are more committed to their mom and/or that for cultural or other reasons they feel they need to prioritise them and they sabotage any formal relationship structure. So I’m the ghost girlfriend or the upgraded friends with benefit type of thing. Similar feeling.. so yeah my mum left us when I was 8 and soon after my dad married another woman who hated me and they had another daughter together. Completely left aside and replaced

[@mariamacedo2008]

I was the other woman. I met him speed dating. Had no idea he was married until a couple of months in. It was very intense and amazing until he told me he was married. At that point I was already very much into him. He lied about being completely separated from his wife. I believed him. Slowly over the months it turned out he was not. He strung me along from 2.5 years until he actually did get a divorce. He then ended the relationship. Started a new relationship and got married within 8-10 months. He told me he used me. It was the lowest moment of my life. Yes, I had terrible childhood, abandonment, neglect, etc. I knew and kept trying to get away and break up the relationship but he kept dragging me back in. I’m more aware now since I’ve finally understand how my childhood affected me. But I am still angry at him and myself for letting this happen. I’m now just trying to figure out how to let go of the anger and shame. Can you also speak about why the guy (the cheater) will put someone in this dynamic?

[@latoyarobinson7598]

I feel your pain😞 and anger😠. It's a strange place to be...to miss someone and hate them at times too. Add the feeling of shame and it's even worse.

[@claudiafrers8923]

We need to learn to ask the right questions like “Are you in a relationship?”. We need to stop stigmatizing the other woman. If the cheater had married you, then he would have become your cheater. You can’t trust him when he says that he was using you. You don’t know that. We as a culture cheat in our marriages by 30%. Have the conversation before you commit.

[@Nicana68]

I think these awful men (and at this stage I believe that's most of them) see us as easy targets. They are sociopaths really.

[@cherrylane79]

Often they are narcissists.

[@bad.chickie66]

I feel this

[@EdelweisSusie]

If I had only known this many, MANY years ago I could have saved myself all the heartache, abandonment and other emotional wounds that my parents instilled from childhood, reinforced in a couple of long-term relationships where even though, on paper, I had more to offer than my partner, for some reason I always felt 'less' and had him on a very tall pedestal which, in turned out, he didn't deserve to be on! Over the years, with advice like this, I have rebuilt myself from the inside out and will never have my life destroyed by a man again. Thank you. x

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I am happy you have come so far in your healing. Thank you for sharing your experience

[@irynaguziy1202]

"Allow yourself to take up space" - it's like a perfect mantra🙏 thank you for this amazing reoccurring opportunity of a free trial

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@Nicana68]

I've learnt from allowing myself to be fooled into the OW situation and then leaving once I realised what a great con artist he really was. I learnt that I can not ever trust myself to make wise decisions, but even more importantly I can't believe anything a man tells me. I'm a fool and this makes me a great target. Best I not allow myself the chance to be used again, since I am incapable of recognising abusers.

[@angelikimarou8083]

You are perfect. All of your videos are so helpful!!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Awww, glad they help you! ❤

[@michellemathews7004]

This channel has helped me more than anything else. But this.... wow. Explains so much, and in the throws of a low low it couldn't have come at a better time. Wow. Thankyou 🙏

[@zurirobinson2749]

I haven't watched yet, but I found your channel a few days ago and I just want to say thank you so much- you've really opened my eyes to a lot of patterns that I've been struggling with for years but didn't know why. This being one- while I've never acted on it, I've had a fantasy of being "the other woman" basically since I hit puberty. I'm a writer, and twice I wrote stories in which the love interest left his girlfriend for the self-insert protagonist (in the first there was no affair and he broke up with the girlfriend so he could pursue the protagonist, but in the second the love interest carried on an affair with the protagonist with her unaware of his existing relationship). Here in reality, last autumn, I had a bit too close of a relationship with my similar-aged boss (who was in a long-term relationship) that looked like a possible affair from the outside and probably could have become one had it gone on for longer (this was a temp job and it started getting sus at the end, and on the last day we spent hours driving around running errands with just me and him and there was unspoken but obvious suspicion from a few people- tbh, I knew the whole situation was sus and was trying to see how close I could get to my fantasy without actually acting on it). I knew that this fantasy was unethical and had too many misgivings to ever fulfill it, but didn't understand why I had it in the first place. Like seemingly everything, it's rooted in childhood trauma... but thank you so much for uncovering this for those of us who are lost. This has opened up a new chapter in my healing.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best on your healing journey ❤

[@ashleyb.8217]

Wheeeeewwwwww Thais!!!!!! This is definitely relatable content. I love how this video is encouraging me to take ownership of my needs. There was a point in the video where you made the connection between childhood influencing our dating habits and then really pivoted to the way we treat ourselves influencing our dating habits. That made me feel like you were saying the ball is now in your court to shape your patterns.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@natayepope7782]

This video os everything to me. I know that I suffer from abandonment and emotional neglect. I'm so thankful for this video. It's a great video.

[@roshalllambert]

We don't heal from shame and blaming we need to understand the patters- this was such a beautiful point!! Also now we have Sally instead of Bob looks like! 😂

[@mosabmahmod4794]

Just keep watching you make me more awareness and help me a lot

[@beckya040301]

Omg this makes so much sense. A good wake-up call for me.

[@carolinebramhall5791]

Makes complete sense when you describe the reasons why! Very interesting.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@abby4027]

Thank you so much! Such great insight and definitely resonates. Can we make a course around this topic?

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

I second the request for a course! Thanks for the suggestion, Abby!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

will share this request with Thais and the team! -PDS team member

[@michellemathews7004]

Yes please!!!

[@junebug9348]

What about why the other person does it? The man/woman who cheats on their spouse. Why do they do it and want 2 people?

[@abby4027]

@@junebug9348 that too!!!

[@rat727]

wow. thank you for this, you have really given me steps to move forward.

[@thatgingergirl5753]

I have been the other women in three out of the four romantic relationships I've been in. I never directly went into a relationship knowing this, but I always figure it out. They always had female "best friends" or "exes" who hated me and it would end up coming out that it was actually their current partner and I was the bit on the side. It's horrifying. I've never had a relationship where I was actually the person they wanted and I don't really feel like I ever will get to experience that now that I'm so aware that people rarely actually care about me. I've learnt that you cannot trust a single thing someone tells you. You can only trust their actions. Anything feels dodgy, I need to get out ASAP. The only person who will ever consistently hold value and space for me is myself.

[@Ms.2024ish]

Brilliant content! Now, if I can just apply it 🤷‍♀

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Try us out on a 14 day free trial and heal alongside a community! university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/pages/14day-free-trial

[@lisalee6501]

Thank you for a interesting video 😊

[@gwenwojcik9457]

Does this apply to men too? Being the other man?

[@Anwelei]

It’s probably because being the “other woman” being way, WAY more prevalent then “the other man”.

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@amandaharris7205]

Thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're welcome Amanda! ❤

[@Katrica670]

@12:53-13:22 sooo profound! 😊❤😍

[@RitaP41]

I wonder if the Cheater is the Avoidant one repeating their parents' Neglect pattern 🤔

[@RitaP41]

@@sunbeam9222 you assume a lot. This wasn't about me.

[@RitaP41]

@@sunbeam9222 your "question" is accusatory. Go beam.

[@aminatambaye-kw9rp]

Im only 19 but I realize everytime i get in a relationship in a month i realize I’m the other woman I don’t understand how I always end up like this

[@Katrica670]

@13:49 anybody as in the sidekick, or the sidekick and the "main chick"?

[@ineedhoez]

Ooooooompf!!!

[@Grace4me111]

You are too stunningly beautiful...

[@instanta2693]

What if I was completely manipulated and lied to over the course of 1.5 yrs and never knew I was 'the other woman'...a position I'd never been in for my entire life. The guy would use a prior health condition, work, study, anxiety attacks, accidents etc etc excuses and deny being with anyone else. It was never a relationship but an off and on situationship. I assume he must've also lied to the girl in her mid-20s (15 yrs his junior) that he was actually in a relationship with and lived with and moved to a new country with. what does that constitute? he knew I only wanted a serious relationship and today I'm still heartbroken and negatively affected by this I can't be with any man...2 years later! Therapy etc can't help. What is wrong with people?!