Bending over backwards to STAY ATTACHED to the narcissist

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@zippobondo]

I’m stuck with my narcissist partner that I’ve endured two decades of narcissistic abuse from because financially I can’t get away and we have children. The youngest turns 18 this year….and finally, by the grace of the universe I know I will be free. Finally. Soon.

[@dynamic9560]

Sending love and strength your way! ❤❤❤

[@marcirobins5144]

Start planning your exit strategy. A brighter future is ahead.

[@ikhinarafatu4059]

I really wish you all the best ❤. I'm still stuck with my partner too😢, although there's no child but financially I don't much and the economy keeps getting bad here (Nigeria), won't allow me get a job and I have no family 😢.

[@briejoana.6736]

DR. Ramani, over the last 7 years your videos gave me a university of input and learning. I so needed your work!! Thank you forever ♾️💜 For my love of life I am wearing the brightest red now because I am visible and free 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

[@americawaters4257]

😢❤​@@ikhinarafatu4059

[@damionk3258]

What have I lost to narcissism? My dignity, self respect, confidence, freedom and privacy, it's been a nightmare clawing it back a piece at a time.

[@opticalmixing23]

The narcissist is solely focused on their own needs or desires. They will never share your empathy or take advantage of it while they can. Their brains are really on high alert when they are around an empathetic person. Because this is a "what can I get" moment, what do they have that I want? They really don't care about you personally; it's just for personal gain - money, possessions, uses, etc. Your intention is to provide help in some way because this is what compassionate people do; it's the way their brain functions. They don't care about money and personal gain; they just want to gain favor with God

[@opticalmixing23]

Best to try focus on the positive energy vibe. You're God's perfect child!

[@jenniferrivera1265]

Never underestimate a narcissist jealousy.

[@leighleigh8725]

Murderous. Savage.

[@tianar6427]

Lost my bff/sister in law to murder bc of a jealous narcissist rage. July 2020 💔

[@leighleigh8725]

@@tianar6427 I love when you ask for help and give them factual evidence of MULTIPLE felony crimes that you want charged .. and they say “it’s not that serious he’s not going to hurt you lighten up” 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

[@_TheIlluminator_]

I bent over backwards so many times for the narcissist that I broke my back.

[@nickijames5122]

Yep, great way of putting it. I wondered what the pain in my neck and shoulders was….its the narc weighing me down 😔

[@MM-gk5of]

@@nickijames5122 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, mom has it, too. If I could break the trauma bond with my husband of 51 yrs, maybe I would not experience this pain that weights me down relentlessly.

[@annjohnson8437]

True dat!

[@marcirobins5144]

It’s a daily fight for your life and personhood.

[@IsraelXOX-gh9mr]

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective [e-mail] for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

[@user-iq4jh8jo3o]

What beats me is that the very fact we want to remain attached is what prevents us from acknowledging that they were NEVER attached 😢

[@bbbb7897]

The "fish hooks" in your heart are real. They want you to stay attached so they can use you or consume you but make no mistake they are never attached to anyone but themselves.

[@marymcdonagh7697]

My biggest regret after a 20 year relationship with a controlling person was all of the things I had given up to make that person happy. Whenever I tried anything new and solo (bonus points if it meant I left the house), he would mock it. So I gave it up. Time after time. At the end of the relationship, he criticized my lack of hobbies and how I never left the house. There is no way to "win" in these relationships - nothing you do will make them happy so you might as well focus on your own happiness. My last 5+ years free of them have been the best years of my life.

[@melisherwood5300]

similar criticism here: I had been living in foreign countries, learning new languages, etc and dealing with all the energy required to make all these changes. I stayed with this person for a few months and was planning my next move (also complicated with a pet) and was home a lot, online, (I was tired!)..he made a crack aboout me being home all the time and that he took me for granted beause I was always “there”. Note that he lived in the same house he grew up in. He also complained that I did not compliment him and when I did he was suspicious; he said I was too negative and when I was positive toward him he was suspicious. I think they like to keep us off balance. In fact he literally said that. Of course a day later, this comment could change to something completely different.

[@pam6367]

Same here there’s criticism every time the door opens or if he suspects I’ll be leaving the house.

[@Yurameshi_Lifts]

Same I used to draw and dance but when I got into the marriage they had to be monetized or there was no point was the mindset and any time or sacrifice to work on my fitness or escape into things I enjoyed were criticized or worse one time she threw my stylus and pad out a three story window why because I stonewalled the arguement. Now I don’t draw or do any hobbies and I’m called boring

[@BflyMom_212]

@Yurameshi_Lifts I endured 30 years of an abusive marriage to a narcissist husband. Please don't let Her clip your wings and get out of the marriage!! Don't waste your best year's with Someone who you will never make happy. You're a beautiful Soul and deserve much better. RUN and never look back❗️ I pray for your strength to leave 🙏 💙

[@Hatbox948]

So true. You're damned if you

[@user-zs7xh6ot4u]

I had this experience with some of my brothers growing up - if I succeeded at something it was mocked and degraded as being for losers. Because I had a loving and supportive father (who thought this was just boys being boys, but still stood up for me), I chose a supportive husband. When he was dying, my father saw one of my brothers bullying me as I tried to care for him and as soon as we were alone, he said "Don't let anyone treat you like that. I don't care if he is your brother. Don't let him treat you that way." That was a very healing moment for me.

[@lisaz7781]

Oh Dr. Ramani!! It was disheartening to hear that you sometimes second guess yourself about what your videos provide to the THOUSANDS of us that have begun our journey of healing thanks to you!!! Just when I think I have nothing more to learn, I watch another of your videos that absolutely hits the mark and reveals to me “why I am the way I am”, and what I can do keep moving forward. Words cannot express how grateful I am for your work!! ❤

[@patrickbinford590]

When you see the narcissist's behavior objectively you can't believe it, but then you have to believe in yourself despite the fact that you can't believe it.

[@LindaLouise625]

So true . . I think this is why some of us stay attached longer (than we should) .. and adds to that layer of self blame .. **I've got to a place where I DO Believe it! .. **Not easy peasy but.. So much better > FREEDOM from those jrks is a Good Habit

[@PassionateFlower]

That's so accurate. He would rage at me and say the most unbelievably hurtful things to me I couldn't believe it and tried to pretend he didn't say that or he didn't mean it or he was just really stressed and he would never say those things normally but he did say those horrible things to me normally so it was messing with my sense of logic and reasoning.

[@patrickbinford590]

Honest ❤️

[@patrickbinford590]

Stay. With. It. Stay PRESENT. I say this to others who resonate with it when I say it to myself whenever I can.

[@nyadrake]

This channel isn't the miracle, Dr Ramani. You are. Thank you for everything you do for us

[@pamelapendleton4009]

Yes, indeed, thank you Dr. R

[@dezboi]

Yes, agreed. You are my hero.

[@CeriSnow-un7jn]

I was shamed into remaining attached. "We're family. You know how she is." Blah, blah,blah. With the help of my wonderfully supportive husband, I grew a spine and went no contact. We saved our child from their evil.

[@valariemetzger861]

This sound so much like my "family". After a less than memorable visit with my mother last year, my husband observed and confirmed that I was very much treated poorly compared to my siblings. The going no contact is pretty hard for me at this moment because I'm still feeling guilt. Glad to hear you're moving on to a healthier, happier life. Thank you for sharing.

[@CeriSnow-un7jn]

@valariemetzger861 I understand exactly what you are feeling. I can assure you it does get better with time/distance. They better you feel without that constant stress, the easier it gets. I wish you luck and love. Make your family of choice, not biology. 🫂

[@valariemetzger861]

@@CeriSnow-un7jn thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

[@sushmayen]

We must have iron will , nerves of steel and heart of gold to stay with them.

[@melisherwood5300]

great metaphors

[@nancymorris3286]

But why bother? They just work you to death and will abandon you just before you die.

[@LindaLouise625]

I had the courage to walk away. Once you distance yourself your vision clears and You See that you deserve Better. I mean unless you like drama .. :)

[@corichang]

Or do we just have insecure attachment styles?

[@TheKrispyfort]

Or, we're delusional

[@gingermetcalf2709]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani, you just explained to me the last 35 years of my life. Why I do things, why I don’t do things, and why it’s been so hard to do the things that are an expression of my real self. I am filled with grief and gratitude.

[@KnightGeneral]

My Narc Mom and Sister? Nope. They killed my talent since I was a kid. But now, since Im freed from them. Live separately, no contact. Im healing and Im taking back what demons took from me. Im getting back in this fight and my family? Nope. No Contact to all of them. Im keeping this peace God gave me.

[@calight1111]

I placed 4th in the USA Yoga Nationals Championship bending backwards for narcissistic people in my life. I’ve retired.

[@jdjenny]

❤congrats 🏆

[@MM-gk5of]

So well said 😅

[@angelahagemeyer698]

I needed this today. My FIL is a narcissist and my MIL is either one too or the most proficient flying monkey on the planet. Anyhow, we went no contact several years ago and it changed our lives; my sweet husband (scapegoat of their family) lost 60 pounds and our marriage improved dramatically. However in the last few months we have run into my MIL in public and spoken with her and I was starting to think “was it all in my head? Am I the crazy DIL?” Then this video popped up in my feed today and I remembered the YEARS of bending over backwards to make our family relationship work. The holidays ruined, the parties that were always stressful, the MANIPULATION, the lies, the utter need to control us that was affecting our marriage. Ugh. Thank you!! You were the reason we finally saw my FIL for what he was, not just a “difficult” person.

[@melisherwood5300]

I was so manipulated and beaten down, I would beg him to let me feed him, clean and run errands for him. Anything for his attention and approval. Can anyone relate? I at least knew on one level that this was not heatlhy and I was sinking into an abyss. But the fight between my head and heart was constant. I felt totally hypnotised by him. Truly an incredible experience. I would have given him anything, done anything and to my own detriment. My well being became my own collateral damage. A traitor to myself. Nightmarish.

[@MM-gk5of]

😢

[@mickib1592]

But you're free now, right? If not, make the break asap! If you are, that's all that matters! And now you know what to look for and what NOT to do! Blessings! 🙏💕

[@serena1261]

I understand. I was there. The grief and loss are horrific. Keep watching Dr. Raman's videos. You will find healing. God Bless You. ✝️🙏💜

[@user-no5zc5bk6d]

I felt that. I was the same. 😢

[@melisherwood5300]

@@user-no5zc5bk6d how did you break free?

[@yaminiayachitam]

Not just big ideas, they dismiss every small idea that comes from us. Everytime I suggest a small changr, my narcissist immediately dismisses. She tries to find even the farthest possibilty of failure to dismiss my idea. Sometimes she even contradicts her own ideology to oppose my idea.

[@christinekellawan2613]

I was engaged to him and his mother treated me like the other woman as if it was her husband and not her son . Always jealous and the entire family convinced him to discard me because I was “destroying their family” by being in his life. Worst experience ever.

[@sharong6945]

Re: competition. 1. My mother went on vacation and it was just me at home. When she got back it was garbage day and she saw there was only a small bag of trash in the bin at the curb. She asked me if I was trying to make her look bad because there's a lot more garbage put out when she's home. 😮 2. When we used to go for a walk "together", she would run to get about 25 feet ahead of me and then walk so she was always way ahead of me. I was always puzzled about that but now I get it. 3. We recently learned about our ancestors on her mother's side and some of them are quite famous. She said "Tell me about my relatives." I replied, "OUR relatives." (I'm not adopted.) She retorted "Well, I'm more closely related than YOU are." (Thats like arguing about who is standing closer to the sun...) Whats funny is a few months later I found out I am more closely related to these famous people through my Dad's side. (Which means her stepson who she likes to make fun of is also more closely related than she is.) When I told her this, she said "Oh, who cares!!!" 😂😂😂 Yes, everything is a competition...but only if they are "winning".

[@cdorothy444]

The trash thing is 😂I mean two people are more and produce more rubbish than one person🎉

[@mindonthespirit1543]

I saved $10k to buy a Tiny Home On Wheels after my guy refused to rent any kind of house. I was tired of living in a room in someone's nasty house. Anyway he said no and said some things that left me wondering if I was stupid for thinking this idea. He quit working for a few months and my account was drained taking care of us. We never got a home because he doesn't want the responsibility. Now I am starting over.

[@lumina5]

They always quit working.

[@janicehill4776]

Days after my vulnerable narcissist ex-husband told me we were getting a divorce, I asked my adult son if I had tried. He answered, "Mama, you bent over backwards to please him." I never felt guilty again.

[@MM-gk5of]

Dr. Ramani, your comments about self-doubt are possibly what boosts you forward, causing you to never give up your soul saving mission to spread light and life to those of us who so desperately need your wisdom. Thank you, for being a tenacious champion for truth and healing.

[@mariehughey5390]

I had always felt invisible and sought attachments and connections my whole life. Talk about small…completely unseen. 50 years later, it makes perfect sense. After a year of grieving all I imagined had been family, I’m feeling strong and barely think of my family of origin. Ready for all that comes next.

[@idrawpeopleandanimals7252]

Congratulations, my friend! Same situation, too! We've got this! (((Hugs))) ❤

[@LindaLouise625]

omg .. I could have written those words .. this past year has been incredible in me seeing what my life WAS. I'm closing in on 67 .. Just starting to Live .. I so wish you the Very Best moving forward. We Deserve it!!!

[@DzsM-rz7gu]

Some people are invisible in that age,but I don't think that's bad.Not everything is a part of the collective will.There are many seperations nowdays.

[@michele0324]

Hearing about your experience brings me comfort and hope. 🕊️

[@DreamcloudDesignsLampwork]

❤​@@LindaLouise625

[@lesliesexton7555]

I had to stay small to stay attached and OH HOW I WANTED to stay attached. It was horrible...RUN!

[@Mara_143]

I wasted so many years on narcissist family members and a narc ex.

[@NovaPrincess]

Your understanding of what we experience and your true empathy always leaves me speechless. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. ❤🙏🏿🕊️

[@LynnsYouTube]

Waited for 25 minutes for my friend to show up to restaurants multiple times, only to have her texting other people or answer her phone over and over when she finally gets there. For years I ignored the ugly sharp comments of my dad and stepmom when they weren't ignoring me. Listened to another friend sometimes 3 hours at a time (no exaggeration). About killed myself working for a ministry that didn't treat me well. Believed the gaslighting of my sister-in-law and brother when they dismissed the things I confronted them on. I know these aren't extreme narc behaviors, but I'm not putting up with them any more.

[@GREEnT704]

Amen.

[@abigailfeldman]

This was the most raw, real, deeply personal video from you, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for letting your light shine on us. It is an honor.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I made horrible mistakes trying to stay attached to my family/parents, and it has devastated me. Sadly seeing the truth now. Forgiving and taking myself back. Letting myself succeed. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@Aquarius213]

Same here. I finally went no contact with my narcissists and their flying monkeys. I am healing slowly and much happier.

[@kittylady6946]

In response to your self limiting voice about your videos, let me say-were it not for these videos, for YOUR voice, I would still be explaining myself, believing everything to be a misunderstanding, working harder and harder. It’s YOUR voice, the way YOU communicate these things, that set me free. You are a VERY important voice.

[@ML-HS]

Forgave a lot, allowed everything. Allowed full on control - they controlled whom am friends with. The job I take. I thought of it as love. Hard love, yet love.

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

Let us not become extinct like the flightless birds. Thank you for saving my life dr Ramani ❤ please don’t stop sharing your Beauty ❤️ you are the Wonder Woman ❤ God bless you❤

[@ChrissyMcRain]

thank you for your work. I am an university student who had to pause her studies thanks to my narcissistic mother after I got on a study abroad program. I've also dated a highly narcissistic man I met abroad and ended up in hospital diagnosed with depression, PTSD and severe trauma. I just wanted to thank you... because to be honest....finding your chanel saved my life (literally). I am currently fighting for my mental health and lost nearly everything but I am getting better and I just realize what happened and I am so thankful for finally starting to understand at least parts of it all

[@MaryPhillips-fk8dd]

I have many talents. I had imposter syndrome growing up because my parents fawned and praised and had me perform for friends and family. And part of me was afraid someone would find out that I really wasn’t all that. But I’ve always loved to sing. I’ve always had artistic drawing talent as long as I can remember, and I began writing little short stories which progressed into novels from the time I was about four or five and throughout my teens. I always thought I would grow up and be a singer who writes and illustrates books. When I met my second husband, he was also a singer and songwriter and I thought what a great combination will be. But it soon became very clear that there could only be one star in the family, even though he had a lot of failure to launch. he would say things to me like ‘maybe we could find a way that you could like sing for little kids you have one of those voices that little children will find very pleasant.’ And I absorb that to mean I wasn’t good enough for adults to listen to. Thanks, to the popularity of karaoke I began to realize that other adult people really did enjoy listening to me sing. And I noticed how uncomfortable it made him. So I would be careful. Also my artwork - I enjoy creating realistic portraits of people . I love charcoal and pastels and think I’m very good. My husband would say to me we need to get you a job painting windows at Christmas. I think you’d be good at that. And I kept my portrait, drawing abilities down to MEMORIAL portraits when a family member would pass that I would gift to the person closest to them. I couldn’t really create my art just for my pleasure because if my husband noticed what I was doing, he would say isn’t there something important that you’re putting off while you play around with that? Like is the laundry done or the bathrooms clean did you already take care of the shopping, etc. meanwhile, he would sit around and play his guitar and write songs and stare at the television and didn’t consider that a waste of time. I’ve always enjoyed writing but again that’s very time-consuming and I’m a little obsessive compulsive when I begin to write so he could have none of that because of course dinner couldn’t be late. We finally separated after almost 29 years together in January. After six months, I’m trying to talk myself into getting a vocal coach so I feel more confident in my singing ability as well as getting a room ready that I can create artwork in my new home. But I am wrestling with the idea of reuniting with him. Dr Ramani these videos you do - they help me keep perspective and understand exactly what I’ll be giving up if I take him back. I’m 56 years old. None of us knows how long we have to enjoy this blessing called life and I’m tired of wasting mine, hiding my light under a bushel, so he can be the star of the family.

[@szaskala86]

Girl❤, don't even think of taking him back, please!!!!!! I'm 67 now with no much life left in me; the last 10 years with a narc have been especially exhausting; they get worse and worse with age😢.

[@LiliVanilli248]

You've given him 29 years of your life and put your passions on hold to be his housekeeper. Time to invest in yourself now - get the vocal coach and make the art! Don't waste anymore time with someone constantly p!ss!ing on your bonfire. Good luck!

[@user-lx3bo6jg4b]

How unfair he was to you!!! Also please check out Emotional Freedom Technique, does help a lot!. I can relate a lot, and please shine for all of us!

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I am back in school to do my masters in counselling psychology to help others who’ve been traumatized like me. It’s been shocking the lack of support and negativity by those close to me. I was told not to tell the narcissistic family members cause they would criticize me for it. Super messed up. I will not hide what I am doing to appease anyone. Focusing on the few safe supportive people who encourage me. Thank you Dr Ramanai ❤

[@michele0324]

When I went back to school to study emergency medicine my family of origin was unsupportive. My narcissistic "mother" literally went out of her way to disrupt my studies and schedule. I won't be sharing any details with my family of origin as I continue my education.

[@hiloknowsall7462]

Being aware and literally UNABLE to leave - children-financial abuse and dependence-strict social norms - NC is a goal 🥅 I think we all aspire - but for many we are left with a FALSE CHOICE / no choice whatsoever ❤

[@samvitsaras]

You are a brilliant, authentic, and a much needed light in this world. I pray for your long life, good health, and joy. OM

[@LODvsTheInternet]

"you will have to limit yourself"💯. I had to constantly limit myself in every aspect just to 'keep the peace'

[@plumduff3303]

I did everything for my parents got nothing back but insults put downs and pain.

[@rajini1653]

After 2 decades I realised I have been living with a narcissist. Finally I have decided to break free. It's not easy, no one believes me and I know it's gonna be difficult. But it's better to live alone, rather than living with someone and feeling lonely ....

[@raindrops438]

I grew up in the 50's and 60's. I couldn't be the girl/woman of that time. I met a lot of resistance and was labeled a label that followed me my entire life. My resistance to the woman's role was labeled a problem and a mental health diagnosis followed me til now. Narcissism was a big piece of the it all, and I tried to submit to the role even though women's' roles changed over the years. It is like the role was etched in my brain, family, church and family. Society also wanted to keep the role intact fighting women's rights. That will never change but awareness of the subjugated role can help begin a change as with the narcissistic abuse and narcissism awareness that is happening now. It is very present in today's world. The magazine articles Dr. Ramani mentioned did exist years ago. I fell prey to one without proper follow-up. I became a prisoner to the outcome of that article. Narcissistic abuse and narcissism education has opened the door to the prison I was in due to the role of women and my authentic personality. That conflict has been a part of what has kept me attached to the narcissist. I am grateful I am finding myself.

[@maevebutler4641]

It took nerves of steel on my part to go to court so many times through the decade's of physical , emotional and mental abuse to get court orders to prevent myself I went back to College and graduated with a diploma as i was repeatedly told "You have no brain" Psssed my driving test during my 40s as i was told i had no observational skills & had s small sewing business in order to rear my children I hope you realise how much your work has impacted my life post flashbacks & panic attacks In therapy & healing I am forever grateful for your videos and i so enjoyed reading your lstest book My therapist also has s copy which is super helpful Thank you Dr.Ramini.

[@brightbite]

If due to isolation the narcissist is the only one in your life who can help you get started on something, you will not do it.

[@livelystones7773]

And that’s the big problem

[@milliewastaken5574]

Narcissists are like poison that needs an antidote. So keep a stock of people who are healthy mentally and emotionally around you to undo the bad effects. Believe in your own normalness through healthy interactions and relations. Never give up on your autonomy and self respect. Live with as much dignity as you can and appreciate that no narcissist can take that away from you.

[@Rose19695]

Yup. Not being able to own our talents, skills and accomplishments is a symptom of being raised by narcissists. They take credit for anything good we do or talent we have while holding us responsible for any flaws/mistakes.

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I grew up in a narcissistic family where my father belittled things that I did and had a mother that made me feel like everyone else was better or more talented than me.... Fast forward to my last marriage to a man that wrote to book on being a narcissist .... I was highly successful at showing horses prior to our meeting, he convinced me to sell my horses and pursue only the things he wanted to do and told me that me and my show career didn't make me better than anyone else... When people would meet me and ask what I used to do, I would downplay it so I wouldn't aggravate his fragile sense of self.... When he first told me that I wasn't better than anyone else I defended myself by saying that it didn't make me a better human being but I was obviously better at showing my horses or I wouldn't have won so many awards and championships.... It was a waste of time and breath ... Wish I still had my horses and never met him

[@madge2114]

Horses are healing. Hope you find a way back to them someday.

[@anacecilia.digital]

Excelent video! Your work save and change lives. Never listen to that voice, please. Love you. ❤

[@annastone5624]

The problem is trying to achieve ANYTHING in the world. I’ve tried all angles. Don’t include them - I get attacked from outside. Include them - I get sabotaged from inside! Try to find allies or collaborators? They are poached or they are flying monkeys and enablers. What the hell is the answer??? My first artistic career.. 15 years later he finally gets caught and jailed. Meanwhile my career is ruined. My second artistic career, same attacks all over again. Project ruined. What do I do? Loose another 15 years? I didn’t hold back. I didn’t give in. I CAN NOT find allies, support or safety! I have to submit my work anonymously abroad.. and that’s the only way I’m managing to make any progress and have any success!! How on earth does anyone manage to have a financially successful career among all these devious dangerous people???!!!!

[@onlyalifetime]

Thank you, Dr Ramani for choosing to create and maintain this channel! Listening to you is a supply of oxygen while drowning in the vortex of confusion and pain created by the narcissist in my life. No matter how smart the narcissistic manipulator is, I go to Dr. Ramani and she points out the very well concealed traps! Thank you for saving our lives and our health!

[@user-df3eo9qx9p]

Very powerful message Dr. Ramani. Thank you.

[@ElishaHall-kz6jy]

She only wants me when I pull away. And when I pull away I still can't let go completely, I just can't.

[@KOneInLA]

Didn’t set boundaries, allowed myself to be triggered, lied to self by making excuses for narcissists behaviors.

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Thank you Dr.Ramani! Love you and your channel ❤❤🙏

[@clappiton]

Mid-50's and only since stumbling across your channel do I FINALLY understand the dynamics of a lifetime of abusive relationships. From family of origin to the non empathic 'friend' I've recently let go of. Thank you

[@PamelaMeinke]

Well said 👏 blah blah blah 😊 While they're busy talking about things they have no clue about, we're busy doing. Creating our lives and moving forward. ❤

[@janetbrown8500]

You have been spot on! I am 71 & my mother stills acts like I am the most selfish, immoral, inadequate waste of flesh ever. I would give anything if I could have had access to all of the powerful info. that you & other doctors & counselors on these channels offer now, when I was a teenager, or even 20’s or 30’s. Thank you. I have gone to various counselors over the years but much of the damage & pain was already ingrained. She has never been nurturing or empathetic. I know I don’t deserve this treatment & have fought to break the cycle with my own family

[@eminikol3014]

It's like a stone is sitting in my way. I have to get around it so I can continue on my way. And so I walk the narrow path of human truths. Love does not recognize concessions, does not repeat erased traces. It doesn't follow other people's steps, and it doesn't stop in front of empty doors.

[@debrafrazier30]

Im currently in a LONG 15-year relationship with a narcissist. We own a daycare together that we started 12 years ago with 2 children.... I run the day to day operations and hold the credentials to operate a very successful business. He does very little for the business and gets 50% of the benefits.... he has it made in the shade.... we also own a home together. Things have gotten really bad, even physically at times. 1 year ago today, I moved into a condo that I own. We have been going to counseling, and nothing has changed! I have had enough! Im getting out!! Thankfully, we r not married or have any children together, but it's going to be just like a divorce... please send prayers my way!!

[@Jason-xb3jh]

The hardest part about realizing that your parent is and has been a narcissist… Is that although I have tried all my life to gain love, acceptance and approval… it has all been in vain. My stepmother has never really cared for me. It makes no difference to her whether I fail or succeed. I have always thought it was me and that somehow I was the bad person. Well yes it is me. Not because I have done something wrong or that I am a bad person. Instead, it is my ability to see her for who she is. I am a very empathic person. Something that she does not have the capacity for. All of this is so multifaceted and complex. 😵‍💫

[@stevenkovler5133]

Oh My Lord ! This is me !! I divorced her but still can’t let her go. I have allowed her to control me to the point that I am being bankrupted . She tells me one day that I am holding her up and then the next day she will say , why do you create problems for me and not just do as I ask ! I can’t let her go because I am so afraid of her dating other men ( for all I know she has and she has been sleeping with someone). I need to move on before I end up killing myself ! I have spent thousands in therapy as well and I don’t listen. I need to go no contact so I don’t know so much about her life !

[@nursejackie4454]

Please let her go🙏

[@Leslie-xo9gy]

If you are valuing her more than your own life REDFLAG yourself and please call someone close to you for some support 🙏🏻

[@melisherwood5300]

Let go of her. You must. If you are religious, then let go and let God. If you are not religious, then pray to the universe, to your spirit guides, to all things beneficent. Take one step every day. Look forward not back. If you must plug your ears, cover your eyes and walk forward into the darkness - you will find the light.

[@michele0324]

My parents were married for 32 years. I witnessed my narcissistic "mother" take everything from my father and give nothing in return. I lost my father when he was 54 years old because he placed more value on her life than his own. For my sake and his I wish he would have let her go.

[@RobertRemlinger-mq8iy]

A wonderful, helpful book for codependency is called, The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie. It’s easy reading, broken down by days, and extremely insightful, and based on the 12 steps of AA. My personal experience is if you pray for help, sincerely, you will receive it. A peace that is beyond understanding, and not of this world. Best of luck, you can do it.

[@PenninkJacob]

Dr. Ram, please do not ever stop making these vids, they are helping me so much!!!!! Thank you so much!!! 👍❤❤❤

[@lrajic8281]

I like your allegory of being a bird with clipped wings. It’s the goal of a narcissist! And to eat the bird or kill the bird is also the narcissist’s goal. But then if that happens, the narcissist will need another bird to do this. My allegory of a narcissist is that they are psychopaths and psychic vampires. They just suck your soul to survive. If they suck just a little each time, there’s enough soul left for next time they crave it. And watch when two narcissists are confronting each other! It’s like a duel of death! I declare: it is as if their claws and fangs are bared!

[@Academic9999]

Thank you thank you thank you

[@brooklynnchick]

I was raised by a covert narcissist and a chronic enabler who lives in denial. I was asked by three separate college professors to enroll after my bachelor college graduation in their research programs; ecology, mammalian embryology, and analytical chemistry (on a project for NASA). My parents were dismissive and said it would be a waste of my time, that I probably couldn’t get through graduate school and that they thought it was more important to get into the workforce. It took me a long time to forgive myself for believing them for so long and missing so many opportunities. Eventually, I did. And when my parents excused themselves by telling me that they had done their best, I deeply, truly believed them. I told them so and told them that’s why I was leaving. That was 6 years ago and I will begin my graduate degree this fall! ❤

[@christopherclements8379]

I don't think those years were wasted, Dr. Ramani. I think you put them to good use. It is all process as we navigate life, all the while being buffeted by the world. You can do this wonderful work now because of all you navigated back then. Not a waste in my book.

[@margaretgjerdrum1394]

The steps i took were outrageous. I put up with being dismissed, taken for granted and not valued. I looked after my narc parents for 10 years. I put up with lots of rejection and pain because i had to believe they loved me and my autistic son. The cost was my own happiness and the loss of my 3 narc siblings who apparently hate me. I found this out at mums funeraĺ in April this year, where i feared being physically attacked (and was verbally abused ) by them all. This was the last straw i have now gone no contact. It feels dreadfully lonely but a whole lot safer. 😢 This channel is a godsend.

[@plumduff3303]

This film is spot on. I never fulfilled my full potential because of my childhood...my dad ruined everything but in the end he died and i was free i find contentment through peace and pets and a walk in the sunshine

[@MichaelBroder]

Wow. Talk about god providing. Talk about kismet. Talk about serendipity and synchronicity. This video is EXACTLY what I needed to hear this morning-after yet another night of popping two Benadryl at bedtime and still waking up only four hours later, unable to get back to sleep as I slide into yet another cycle of depression in the wake of my 20 year marriage to a narcissistic person.

[@aq5121]

God. My sister just texted me saying “I have mum in now getting her brain scan” followed by a big smiley face. When I reply saying I hoped the scan result is OK & she replied “Ah it’ll be fine”. EVERY interaction seems to reflect a competition. I am a doctor of medicine btw.

[@MM-gk5of]

Love this!

[@dquin8009]

I am attached, but learning more about this crazy world I have let myself live in, I gave up family, so much it's gross. Now he threatens to leave. I dont stop him and he becomes angry. There is no way I will continue with this. Please do not stop these videos or books we need everything we can get to be able to understand and live OUR lives.

[@eminikol3014]

I really didn't know I was supposed to be "professional" with them, not friendly. They don't understand it. They don't trust themselves as much as they trust others. They lack trust in their neighbor.

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

That is exactly what happened with me. I tried to make an Etsy shop work with my crafts, he'd alternate between being keen (when I was selling stuff) and putting me down (the rest of the down) commenting on how little I was making, complaining about the time I was spending on it etc.

[@EvelynKirkham1962]

Thank you....for persistently making these recordings. Without which, I wouldn't be here.

[@Tinasburrito666]

Two of the biggest challenges for me: 1- financial abuse. Already separated once (he discarded me) and he had opened a secret bank account a month before and as soon as he left, he changed his direct deposit to said account. Took every penny we had immediately including my earned money as well. 2- for some reason it makes me sick to think of him with someone else, especially if it’s someone we both know.

[@kellyp4377]

This was empowering video! Thank you

[@t_nels]

This is very freeing. 🧡

[@carcarbinx98]

Girl, i just gotta say I watch you every day. And I am always so stunned by how truly beautiful you are. I think you are just so pretty!!!

[@nickijames5122]

Yep, eventhough you know it won’t make a shred of difference to how horribly they treat you. The sad thing for me is since being married to the narc husband who triggered my panic disorder and made my GAD far worse, that even IF I was able to leave at some point, though I doubt it due to financial reasons, is that I’ll always be lonely and continue to exist because of that fact 😢 it seems whatever I do it’ll make no difference. Sometimes it’s a case of better the devil you know which is a hard pill to swallow but gotta be realistic 😔

[@MM-gk5of]

I do understand what you’re saying ❤

[@DarleneOrmsby]

What about the narcissist that does not verbalized his criticism of your choices however covertly ,silently shows lack of support by not encouraging, complimenting, praising or financially supporting your actions and successes.

[@chellotrevino7323]

GOOD JOB ON NEWS NATION ❤️

[@jodycasey6936]

I didn’t see it. I’ll have to check it out.

[@goldalevin869]

So true. I had to act like a therapist to a now former "friend" and my mother. I got rid of the friend, and my mother is thankfyully dead. This was helpful and they are not healthy, which is hte bottom line. Thank you from a former flightless bird.

[@Lion603]

The mean part is, that whenever you you try something new (especially if you have been held down for long enough), you will struggle with things. This is normal and doesn't mean you as a person are meant to fail. To quote a smart guy: "Sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something."

[@laurietaylor275]

I spent 15 years with my narcissistic ex husband because I was isolated and financially dependent on him. When he started to lose control of me, it became violent. Even though it has been 7 years since I left, I am still struggling to stand up to him with regard to our children, to walk away when he starts lecturing me, or to not be afraid of him. When I decided to go back to school 4 years ago, he asked me what my “Plan B” was because I needed a backup plan when I failed. I recently graduated with my second diploma in law and will be writing my licencing exam at the end of July. But why do I still let him get to me?

[@pinkmeadows]

Thers no such thing as equal footing in a narcissistic relationship. In this case the parent will use their adult status and manipulations to get over and stay smaller than them. They crave the dominance and control.

[@bumblebee5990]

Attaching to yourself seems to be the key.

[@dubaiedge]

Yes, raised by a Silent Gen mother, I was told innumerable times to self-limit my intelligence & abilities. Utterly pathetic the way i was told to move thru the world bc im female. I got so silenced ppl had trouble even hearing me when i thought i was talking at a normal volume. Then the narcissist men thru the years just furthered it all. And there's oh so many out there. I get the last laugh bc I figured the game out & decided to follow my talents. Naturally that displeased them, & continues to today. We get this one life, born alone, die alone, & everything in-between is therefore ours-- our lives belong to no one but us. Be as free as you can. You know who you are, they don't, & they never will. Make sure however you're living will let you sleep at night both now & when you get old like me. It's the kind, caring, compassionate ones who get the abuse heaped on the most. Don't change who you are & what you know you're capable of *for anyone.* Good luck out there

[@NancyBrown1975]

Thank you Dr. Ramani! I know YOU will never be extinct. Remember as you have taught us, to have compassion, love and trust for yourself. Think objectively, not subjectively of yourself and this is the holy grail of truth and winning. How do I know this? lol! I am a pianist! lol! I know stuff. I create my own music and I got this knowing from the same place my music is sent to me from. Thank you for caring about us.

[@cherrybacon3319]

When i took my feelings out of it and looked at the relationship constructively it was easier to see it for what it was, and that helped me make a decision to leave and block him which was the right thing for me. I had to start thinking of myself for once. 🍒

[@leannemione340]

In my most recent relationship with a narcissist I bent over backwards and then some to stay attached . I'm embarrassed to admit how much money I lent this "friend". I gave up my boundaries and often my values and principals until I finally found you Dr. Ramani. Thank you for sharing you wisdom and experient.

[@JeanTyler-zw2cb]

Awesome video. I know, I have lived it. It's tough to find who your real self is now. Your former person is gone. One day at a time for me.

[@nursejackie4454]

I got so angry this week and told my narcissistic person that the only way he would be happy is if I turn into a bobblehead. 😡😡

[@melisherwood5300]

that won’t work either; he will then critisze you for being a bobblehead.

[@MM-gk5of]

This week I let it fly. I unleashed my thoughts I had kept bottled up. The injustices I have felt, etc. It only made me feel worse. I had forgotten the D E E P technique Dr Ramani has taught. I have lost ground. Time to regroup 😢

[@melisherwood5300]

@@MM-gk5of that happens, is part of the process of dealing with it all. Step back and get yourself centred. If possible, create more distance. You need to be true to yourself but protect your well being. Retreat from the battlefield.

[@shivranjani5349]

The narcissistic attachment and the devaluation is the best thing that happened to me…. Everything happens for a reason and when you have an evolved teacher to show you the path, it becomes very clear.. in time.. why you and not anyone else is being subjected to that experience. It sets the path for internal spiritual growth. It’s very painful but the toughest journey shows you the brightest future, so staying in the relationship and being able to detach is the sweetest reward! I’m still with the narcissist by choice, though I’m independent financially and now even emotionally, and I see his behaviour as a case study 😂. I have the faith and the knowledge that when my karma with this partner is over and my lessons learnt the situation will change organically. Either he will walk out or circumstances will take us apart. I’ve learnt to take responsibility for my actions and do not blame him. He must play his part in this life and do what he has come for. Best wishes to you all who are going through this soul tearing experience, just remember you come out much stronger and a complete self that you were not when you entered this relationship.

[@pamelapendleton4009]

Thank you for this perspective. I am taking care of my original narcissist, my dying mother. I've gone through many emotional phases while dealing with this. I feel I've come full circle after being married to two narcissists, both of which I eventually left. I will stay with my mother until the end. When this is done, I'll take all I have learned and never allow another one into my inner circle again.

[@michele4040]

i always protected myself by being small, being invisible, talking down anything that made me special. It was all i ever have known. My father and my sister are narcissists. My oldest daughter was the same age as my sisters children. My daughter is just an amazing human. She is kind, sweet, amazingly smart, and my sister was not really nice to her and i never really noticed it but i feel so bad now and i have really talked to my daughter about and apologized, but i tried to protect her the only way i knew how , i kept her small when talking to my sister. I didn't know how to prptect any other way. I only knew how to protect myself by making myself small and so i accidently taught my daughter the same.

[@madge2114]

Good you acknowledge it. Now you can model being strong.

[@HollywoodCameraWork]

One thing I don't hear discussed much is the narcissist's list of demands, that "I'll take you back, but only if you give up this and this, and do so and so". In other words "kneel before me". I've been away from this person for 30 years, but the concessions I made have still warped my brain.

[@jadebrison4561]

I've been listening everyday for over a year. Thank You. Started in childhood ❤️...XO love U

[@karenkuske5567]

Ty Dr. Raman. Ty for being genuine. Your videos have been very helpful…never stop making them.. please❤

[@jimmyjamb4911]

Just One Peace of the Puzzle! It’s strange to me, that after a couple years of friendship with this kind of person, that I would find my self-confidence dwindling away to nothingness? Looking back, I can recall all the demeaning statements which have been said, in reference to “all” my hobbies & interest. When I noticed that I’d some how developed a problem with procrastination towards all my interest & hobbies. I had to step back and examine myself. “The two way mirror”. I saw that I’d become the very thing they wanted me to be and that was not me, it was them. A sickened spirit with no personality of my own?!! These people are very sick and like a spiritual infection, they will take over every part of your Will Being. By using your own will, they will tare you down. The only solution is, dissolution!