Best HFY Reddit Stories: Don’t Disturb the Humans (r/HFY)

[@ThoughtsReflected]

"Gentlemen, if you please. This is a private fight."

[@deinsilverdrac8695]

do the line and wait for your turn like everyone please, we are cultivated barbarian not wild savages. we will kick your ass with pleasure but murdering/fighting and war are sacred and it's why we would like you to respect the rule and wait to insure that we can all have a share amount of blood and violence. we recommand you to bring bigger guns or to go home and let the one who really want to fight and know how to do it alone. thank you and we hope that the misunderstanding is cleared now.

[@bruceenagel5934]

From the movie The Quiet Man staring John Wayne. If memory serves me.

[@JordKriger]

Humans to other races: "This is our fight, you stay out of it."

[@johnmullholand2044]

Reminds me of this old saying: "Me against my brother, both of us against our father, and all three of us against the stranger"!

[@veli-pekkamalmi5546]

Kind of a tale about wehrmacht vs u.s. army vs ss. Maybe not true but good story still.

[@mac-gyver1152]

It's like the military we might fight like siblings but don't even cross one of us because you'll end up fighting all of us.

[@SirSipness]

"HEY HEY HEY no one kicks our ass but us!"

[@tonyroldan2437]

Like in some families and mine, there's still at least 2 98+ year old cousins holding a grudge against eachother and because of them the whole family is a ball hating eachother yet for all the hate they have for eachother one sees an outsider going against ones own swore enemy, all bets are off, for that day the family is together, tighter than ever,. Happened to my family back in 92, the whole town was talking about it and still does from time to time.

[@jeffreyharris3440]

"Me against my brother". "My brother and I against my cousin". "My cousin and I against the stranger."

[@peterwall8191]

You idiots attacked a human world, while their fleet was other wise engaged ? Barbarians! I swear we send you the updated files on human rules of war. Yes , they have rules for war. You break the rules ...every armed human, and most of the unarmed ones, will come after you. We kinda like their rules ,they keep both casualties and collateral damage to a minimum. so we might decide to point them in you direction ,if they ask.

[@Nomadic_Inquisitor]

"THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO KICK OUR ASS IS US!"

[@lanceknowlton1871]

Brothers fighting. Don't get involved, they will turn on you.

[@zacharyhawley1693]

Can confirm.

[@kennethhummel4409]

This sounds like a friends dads war story from Vietnam! A patrol of ARVN ran into a patrol of the NVA! Both sides were just getting ready to fight it out, suddenly a group of Cambodian Khimer Rouge stumble into the beginning of the firefight. Both Vietnamese forces stop and look at the Cambodia’s, reorient their firefight on to them! 20 minutes later the firefight was over with a bunch of dead Cambodians lying around, both Vietnamese forces collected their wounded & dead and marched back to their respective base camps. ( the friends dad was an army advisor for 2 tours in Vietnam).

[@kireta21]

Rather grim story: Unlike Western trenches, WW1 Eastern front was very mobile one, with front moving back on forth. Large wolf packs started following soldiers, feeding on dead horses, dead soldiers, even attacking nearby villages. Packs started growing larger and more bold, until one particular skirmish where massive pack of wolves waltzed in and started tearing apart wounded. Both sides redirected fire to new threat, chasing pack away, and killing 50 or so wolves. Wolf attacks would continue, eventually Russians and Germans agreed to ceasefire, until "frontline wolves" are killed. Massive hunt took place with whole packs wiped out by gun fire, grenades and mortars, dead wolves counted in hundreds. Even after official armstice ended, both sides kept unofficial agreement to cease battle if wolves were spotted, and only resume after pack was killed or chased away.

[@noobster6587]

Wow

[@slogary4790]

Heh. Humans love dogs, but hate wolves...especially man-eating ones.

[@dandrewtsinnijinnie4504]

That would make a great horror film

[@Luredreier]

Interesting, and for once, something I didn't know about.

[@scotteggert9820]

This sounds like a bar fight I once was in, in San Deigo. Navy beating on Marines, Army beating on Air Force, and the Marines beating on the other three branches. Some civies walked in and one of them punched an Air Force wimp. We all stopped hitting each other looked at the civies and picked each other up and went after the civies. After we trashed the civies we got back to our bar fight. It's human nature to ally with your enemy to beat the snot out of the unknown aggression. Then go back to beat the snot out of each other after the unknown is beaten.

[@bogustoast22none25]

I love how you report the Airman as a wimp before proceeding to defend him. No sarcasm I love that.

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

Out numbering the opponent and being better trained and harming civilians. Yep sounds like the U.S. military.

[@xenn4985]

@@julesmasseffectmusic civilian? You stop being a civilian when you attack.

[@ARockRaider]

@@xenn4985 quite right, if you enter a fight that's not yours (or in this case some friendly fun by the sounds) you best be ready to get hurt.

[@loganshaw4527]

How would you delay that fight being a civilian? A round of beer?

[@Inquisitor-Yog-Sothoth]

That was the most human response ever.

[@56th.]

Couldn't have been more human tbh

[@veronicawexel1291]

It's a matter of principle, really. If you get in a fight with your siblings, you'll only fight the sibling. If someone else tries to separate you or get involved, you and that sibling shake hands to join forces against the interruption until you can focus on killing only each other again.

[@matthewb2908]

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy until they’re gone, then my enemy is my enemy once more

[@Taneth]

29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy, nothing more, nothing less.

[@bogustoast22none25]

*When you and your best friend are killing yourselves in stellaris over a useless system but the endgame crisis shows up* You: truce? Friend: but only until they are dealt with. You: of course.

[@zacharyhawley1693]

*laughes because they're one tech away from being the crisis*

[@notsocrazytank707]

Hey, classic

[@loganshaw4527]

Pvp players forced raid or forced raid boss near by same reaction.

[@blazermettro2059]

After that?, it gets complicated

[@funkmastaC]

Hey you xeno outsiders, nobody kills humans but other humans.

[@Free_Krazy]

The only thing worst than finding yourself in a boss battle is finding yourself inbetween a battle of two bosses lol

[@calvingreene90]

Humans fight like brothers until threatened by an outsider. Then, well that is what they were practicing for.

[@ARockRaider]

they fight each other like brothers until threatened by an outsider, then they fight WITH each other like brothers until no longer threatened. safe to say, Humans just fight like brothers at all times.

[@kroberts8866]

Caaaaaarrrr! ....... Okay it's gone.... Game On!

[@seanrobert9661]

[documented contact] don't frak with humanities

[@nweasels]

3:22 And that's where they fucked up.

[@bobmaxjohn1306]

Work with our worst enemy to break someone's nose

[@Mr.Grinns]

>after kicking xeno ass "Right, now that thats settled. Back to it then" *chorus of gunfire and frivolous violence*

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Narrator Bless the Author

[@DrClaw-y2l]

It's like siblings. It's okay for YOU to fight with your siblings but you don't like it at all when someone else messes with them.

[@generalrendar7290]

No, no, no, what you do is assist the defending fleet and then establish contact with the defending fleet while they are in a position of gratitude. Then you hash out a plan to invade the other system and have the human faction "gift" it to you as recompense for your assistance. Limited offensives, keep wars small and work with allies. See the British conquest of India or read of this ancient human philosopher Niccoli Machiavelli. In all seriousness, jumping into a battle without a resupply base nearby or knowing the size of the factions you're dealing with makes no sense.

[@nigredoooalgown6245]

One problem with this little plan, this wasn't a third human faction, it was a bunch of xenos.

[@ianharrison5758]

If they had made first contact before this then maybe the plan is workable but no logical human is gonna trust that. They’d see right through the deception and probably unite with the guy they were fighting to kick the aliens ass even harder for being a pussy about trying to conquer them

[@kdrapertrucker]

Don't disturb the Humans, we are disturbed enough for now.

[@wakcedout]

When aliens realize, it’s best not to give humanity something to rally and unite against….if living is your intended goal that is.

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@Blackout5871]

Do not, under ANY circumstance, interrupt two groups of humans fighting each other.

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

Humanity: No one is allowed to kick our ass but us

[@Nitro89]

Sounds like the aliens have never hard of temporarily truce

[@Synthmilk]

Humanity united is a horrifying thing. Don't give us an excuse to do so.

[@SergeyWaytov]

I actually wasn't expecting that specific outcome

[@robert-trading-as-Bob69]

Some New York crewman said, "Eyyy, umma fightin here!"

[@brianbarber5401]

They can’t treat our pledges that way! Yeah, only WE can treat our pledges that way!

[@igkslife]

Yep, that sounds about right.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@dockaos924]

This story remind me of me in my younger years my mates used to tell people he's quite leave him alone obviously this advice was ignored,then the why didn't you tell me he's crazy comes out of the mouth my mates say we did

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

Just like Popeye and Bluto.

[@aarongoleman]

it's the rule of beasts when 2 are fighting if another interupts they will put aside their differences briefly to fight the interloper

[@awolfalone2006]

Don't mess with humans during a...family discussion.

[@anthonywaltz7056]

You will see similar things with the US military and military kids. Two army soliders fighting and an air force person steps in. The 2 Army people will turn on the Air Force person. A civilian step in on the 3 of them, all 3 of them will turn in the cuvilian.

[@willchurch8376]

No airman with an ounce of the brains they require them to show on the ASVAB steps into a fight between two soldiers. It's grounds for being put on suicide watch.

[@jasonbull6560]

Infinite thumbs up 👍 x

[@Fuxy22]

Yeah no shit... when humans fight its just a sibling rivalry but if another race sells a fight its a completely different ball game... Humans will understand and set the rules of engagement you can't expect the same from others...

[@lukkaredwolf3534]

me against my brother; me and my brother against our father; my family against my cousins and the clan; the clan against the tribe; and the tribe against the world

[@rucerius4968]

We might have done a little bit of fighting amongst ourselves but you outside people best leave us alone. Cause we'll all stick together and you can take that to the bank. Charlie Daniels 1980

[@vanevanhaagen4011]

Only we humans are allowed to wage war against humans.

[@WredFawks]

Ye- yeah.... That sounds about right.

[@CALCIUMDOMINATOR]

Brother against brother brothers against cousin and the three against the world

[@dantles]

lol, this story is actually funny

[@johncunningham4820]

Sounds completely apt . This is OUR argument , so WHO THE FUCK ARE Y O U ?

[@Hatsikidee02]

10 points for no AI voice.

[@antonfowler6582]

We fight among ourselves but god help an outsider who attacks one of us .

[@AF-S1N1A1]

Lmao!! 😂🤣!! I guess from an outsider pov, that would be bat 💩 crazy!!

[@rasehorn]

You have violated the ancient creed of Humanity. Only Humans can kill other Humans. Now face the consequence of your actions.

[@target4all766]

Humans:HEY YOU FURRY'S TAKE A NUMBER AND GET IN LINE! WE WHERE FIRST HERE!

[@stillrookie]

is this was read on a can in a pub ?

[@snoopdadoop9652]

they third partied and got what they deserved.

[@WiredTurkey316]

For the algorithm

[@portmoneul]

Galactic family fewd. 😅😅😅

[@ヒロノツイル]

why this is such a human thing? only we can fight each other kkk

[@tonyneal910]

👏👏👏❤👍

[@user-ph7bh5yu2l]

Keep your nose out of it😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😊

[@gachashadowwolf3038]

This is confusing

[@marc_frank]

3:01 to 3:30 i'm sorry but your pronounciation was especially unclear here

[@danieljones3464]

So even future humans all come from trailer parks.