Best HFY Reddit Stories: Don't Poke The Humans

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Күн бұрын

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@Nevir202 11 ай бұрын

I like the idea of humanity becoming so accustomed to navigating under threat, that even in peace, we still "drive" like everyone is out to kill us. A mentality very familiar to anyone who has ridden a motorcycle lol.

@Bikerbob59 11 ай бұрын

True. Ride like everyone on the road is trying to kill ya.

@Terran.Marine.2 11 ай бұрын

Or a bicycle on the road.

@Nevir202 11 ай бұрын

@@Terran.Marine.2 I dunno, most bicyclists seem to drive like they own the road and are immortal in my experience lol.

@Terran.Marine.2 11 ай бұрын

I assume that I am either a target or invisible anywhere near cars. Offroad, sure, I can get reckless. Also, lost two family members to motorcycle accidents.

@ShneekeyTheLost 11 ай бұрын

Pirate activity will do that. Especially when the pirates like lying doggo and have energy weapons. If you don't have some sort of evasion pattern built in to your normal navigation habits, you're easy prey for an ambush snipe. Sure, you might lose 5% of your fuel in 'unnecessary' evasive corrections, which does cut into your bottom line, but you reduce the chances of a pirate ambush by significantly more than that, so it is worth the cost.

@veil6655 11 ай бұрын

Humans be like: Aimbots are for the weak!

@lazarmarinkovic8486 11 ай бұрын

Nah its jsut skill issue my dude we can no scope them from a light year away and still not brake a sweat

@DeHerg 11 ай бұрын

The story says literally the polar opposite: "aimbots aren't fair, but only a fool plays fair in war"

@mouserr 11 ай бұрын

what are you talking about? the entire premise is 'the computers do the aiming for us, we pull the trigger when told to'

@wardraven8755 11 ай бұрын

I remember playing gtav on ps3 and cod bo2 and aimbots being used my brother and i said this same thing and owned the cheaters

@Scarabswarm 11 ай бұрын

I was thinking this was all leading up to an "eyeball it" joke about humanity's mythical ability to hit targets without targeting computers. Simply intuiting firing solutions naturally, that already took into account the target's likely evasive maneuvers. Also maybe including a law of inverse accuracy with volume of fire. Like how only 10% of a high RoF autocannon's shells will hit; but how if it is one slow-firing large slug, the shell seems guided by the hands of the divine, right into a thermal exhaust port. This was good, too, though.

@whiterabbit75 11 ай бұрын

I prefer how Agent J put it: "Don't start none, won't be none."

@thecursed01 11 ай бұрын

in so many of these stories liek this, space humanity is basically texas mentality XD

@pheonixblue01 10 ай бұрын

@@thecursed01I’d call it southern mentality, but you’re not wrong.

@lucianfrostbane 9 ай бұрын

He said " dont start nuthin, womt be nuthin"

@davidpoole7098 10 ай бұрын

Never mistake kindness for weakness, nor peacefulness for harmlessness

@johngeverett 9 ай бұрын

One alien xenologist: "Don't poke the humans!" Alien Crocodile Hunter: "Hold my beer! I'm gonna poke it with a stick!" ... "Crikey!!!"

@McKavian 3 ай бұрын

It's angry! It's angry!

@Alpha_Digamma 10 ай бұрын

As an Andorian ambassador once phrased rather crudely yet accurately: "Don't push the pink skins to the thin ice."

@Icarusabove 9 ай бұрын

Prelude to Axenar is the best Star Trek in 10 years

@davidm8371 11 ай бұрын

The human knows where it is, because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it was from where it isn't, the human has determined where it is.

@TheSolidSnakeOil 9 ай бұрын

Now do electrons.

@therasco400 11 ай бұрын

Space combat really only has two options. Its either a knife fight because FTL gets you that close or its a long range engagement where guided and faster then light weapons give you the only chance to hit.

@davidaward82 14 күн бұрын

fire a shot in space, and you're almost certain to hit... something. might take a while to happen.

@ceu160193 11 ай бұрын

Unguided munitions just much cheaper, compared to guided ones, allowing to saturate area so much, that hits become basically guaranteed.

@Edmar_Thorn 11 ай бұрын

shotguns that fire at 0.9C with a slug passing through every possible trajectory an enemy ship could maneuver through by the time the slugs arrive. 100% hit chance.

@samlukas2299 11 ай бұрын

Accuracy thru volume. Cheaper ammunition means more shots taken

@DrrZed 10 ай бұрын

Just try not to think about where the shots that missed the targets might end up.

@robertmartinu8803 10 ай бұрын

@@DrrZedI'm sure it's no problem. At least not for anyone we know...

@kingbillycokebottle5484 9 ай бұрын

@@samlukas2299today it takes 10,000 rounds to score a kill. The psychology of war is kinda funny, most blokes just pose and hose, leading to massive expenditure of ammunition per kill. Takes a special kind of bloke to accurately and intentionally shoot at another bloke. The generals want them to fight like knights, but the soldiers just wanna make the other side run away. Natural human conflict is just a bunch of lads fighting another bunch of lads till one side runs away, we aren't meant to kill

@DTSephiroth 10 ай бұрын

"If the Galactic consul has told you once then it has told you a thousand times... DON'T PROVOKE THE HUMANS!"

@MymMars 11 ай бұрын

The universe knows where the bullet is and where it isn't

@Sho_veL 11 ай бұрын

[The universe knows where the bullet is and where it isn’t; You’re not the universe.]

@frankmoore3598 11 ай бұрын

The idea of static engagements has long been abandoned. It would be FTL torpedoes and kinetic weapons on the move in three dimensional space

@hypnofrezzefan 11 ай бұрын

Iam not that sure. Until the current war, No one thought we go Back to it too. So iam sure under the right circunatance even in space it could happen.

@521cjb 9 ай бұрын

In all of his reasoning, he never once mentioned stealth technology. It's easy to "step out of the way " of a missile - if - you can see it coming . . .

@smaragdwolf1 5 ай бұрын

I think a basic Signal Jammer could be effective. With such a distance, nobody would/could use optical targeting, but rather checking for Signals like Radar, Communication, Engine-Radiation, etc. By distorting these Signals randomly, most guiding Computer would have a really hard time finding the Target, even if doesnt move at all. Distorting makes the Ship not totally stealthy, but its like fighting someone in thick Fog.

@jackwells8107 10 ай бұрын

The idea of combat at over a light minute is interesting. A lot of it really comes down to how one posits FTL travel occurring. One of the things I love about David Weber's different series is that he changes how combat is done by how travel is done.

@chuckyxii10 9 ай бұрын

It's actually not too different from actual battleship engagements. Assuming you are firing a laser that means only having to lead by a minute. there were battleship engagements where shell time of flight was actually longer than that. Hell it would actually be a lot easier to calculate since you only need to predict target location. No need to worry about your own course and stability, or the Shell's ballistics, or the weather.

@AnikaJarlsdottr 9 ай бұрын

Humanity: "We re trying to be better, dont give us a reson to let you down"

@Longstocks 8 ай бұрын

Reason*

@DeHerg 11 ай бұрын

Really like the story, but I think realistically humans would go with a mixture of guided and unguided depending of the specific situation (margin of error just grows too fast even with good predictive algorithms)

@krel7160 11 ай бұрын

By the sounds of it, they do. At least in the early days. Now, imagine if you will, they fire a guided projectile. The enemy will now make a guaranteed movement in another direction. Then the unguided, computer assisted projectile comes into the fray. Now, we know *exactly* where the enemy is going to be when they take evasive maneuvers. Predict that position, and the unguided is left to sail. Dodge one, get by the other.

@Free_Krazy 11 ай бұрын

Realistically we would use everything under the sun as usual, but guided weaponry, especially human guided weapons could be more easily hacked, but you cant hack solid lead unless your mining it lol

@XDfunnyguy 10 ай бұрын

@@Free_KrazyPoint Defense is definitely the coolest method of hacking unguided munitions

@oskark312 5 ай бұрын

@@Free_Krazy jeah

@seankane8628 11 ай бұрын

It's called "leading " the target.

@megan00b8 10 ай бұрын

Clearly the other races have never played Warthunder.

@mycroft16 10 ай бұрын

@@megan00b8Or any FPS.

@RequiemPoete 9 ай бұрын

I think its to the degree of distance required. Light travels 186k miles per SECOND. That's 11,160 000 miles per Light minute, and he's claiming humans are leading by several light minutes.. It's not that the idea of leading is foreign to them. It's that their targeting computers are accurate enough to figure out where your likely to be after you've had a chance to travel 10s of millions of miles after the human pulls the trigger. @megan00b8

@megan00b8 9 ай бұрын

@@RequiemPoete I was just trying to make a joke

@RequiemPoete 9 ай бұрын

@megan00b8 I actually meant to post that to the op. Sorry lol.

@snorkus4790 5 ай бұрын

“I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice.” - Dalton “At my signal, unleash hell.” - Maximus

@southpaw7426 9 ай бұрын

Great story. I particularly liked pointing out how to defeat your enemy by defeating their minds. If they think they’re outmatched, they’ve already lost.

@d4n737 10 ай бұрын

I see good snipers in Videogames and if spaceships have controls equally as responsive, Analogue like controllers or precise like mouse and keyboard.... my god... imagine the "Flicking instinct". Imagine a spaceship appearing out of a warp and within 1/6 of a second the human snaps the turret into position and fires off a barrage of shots with relative accuracy "HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN DO THAT" "Oh? Force of habit"

@hackbodies 10 ай бұрын

How about the old school technique of volley fire but with a few hundred ships and mac cannons? Check out the 60's film "zulu" for those tactics

@Darkinu2 7 ай бұрын

This put a smile on my face 😂

@dcfuksurmom 6 ай бұрын

this is way funnier than it should be lol

@dadudeme 5 ай бұрын

@@hackbodiesgot to be careful with relativistc slugs. To quote mass effect 2: Gunnery Chief: This, recruits, is a 20-kilo ferrous slug. Feel the weight. Every five seconds, the main gun of an Everest-class dreadnought accelerates one to 1.3 percent of light speed. It impacts with the force of a 38-kiloton bomb. That is three times the yield of the city-buster dropped on Hiroshima back on Earth. That means Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son-of-a-b*tch in space. Now! Serviceman Burnside! What is Newton's First Law? Serviceman Burnside: Sir! An object in motion stays in motion, sir! Gunnery Chief: No credit for partial answers, maggot! Serviceman Burnside: Sir! Unless acted on by an outside force, sir! Gunnery Chief: Damn straight! I dare to assume you ignorant jackasses know that space is empty. Once you fire this hunk of metal, it keeps going till it hits something. That can be a ship, or the planet behind that ship. It might go off into deep space and hit somebody else in ten thousand years. If you pull the trigger on this, you are ruining someone's day, somewhere and sometime. That is why you check your damn targets! That is why you wait for the computer to give you a damn firing solution! That is why, Serviceman Chung, we do not "eyeball it!" This is a weapon of mass destruction. You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip! Serviceman Chung: Sir, yes sir!

@sycho-tech5104 9 ай бұрын

Humanity is friendly, because we Choose to be friendly. If you choose to be unfriendly, we can do that too. But we promise it’s not just a very bad choice, it would probably be the last choice you ever made.

@HmmWelp 9 ай бұрын

You just know the first thing they did when they got their hands on the guided weapons was figure out how to disable it's guidance. Combine that with being the only race capable at using unguided weapons in space and take a wild guess how that works out.

@wolfoffenris9951 11 ай бұрын

Well, the right focus, no resistance to disperse the beam, calculate gravitational effects.... boom, hahaha, have you seen that Explosion they have no idea what just hit them

@ravenouself4181 6 ай бұрын

Humans be like: Oh? You poked me? *throws planet-buster rock at Xeno Homewold*

@WarSquigsPainting 11 ай бұрын

This got me to start building up my Cadian Guard again. Thanks!

@SeanMerriman-h9k 10 ай бұрын

Ah yes the old spray and pray. An oldy but a goody😊

@sygyari7287 11 ай бұрын

I like to imagine that the humans use a combination of guided and unguided missiles, with the former to mislead while you have a barrage of unguided coming your way. Unguided would always be a part of warfare as they are cheaper and easier to produce, they also cant be hacked. An unguided would do as much damage as a guided but be half the cost so due to our frugal and greedy nature, we would never let it go since it gets the job done.

@Banzai_-xn8ip 9 ай бұрын

Can't wait for sci-fi version of Operation Praying Mantis or of the Barbary Wars

@michaelperussina2835 10 ай бұрын

Don’t mess with human boats. Leave the space boats alone.

@mycroft16 10 ай бұрын

It's never a war crime the first time.

@dcfuksurmom 6 ай бұрын

lol hlc and the fat electrician are leaking

@RafaelaSilva-bb1qq 3 ай бұрын

"Don't touch... the boat"

@Maeshalanadae 11 ай бұрын

They got into space without predictive algorithms?

@noppornwongrassamee8941 11 ай бұрын

Predictive algorithms against dumb objects like planets and moons is easy. Human predictive algorithms though are designed for targeting ships actively trying to evade being hit. It's like trying to predict where the King in a chess game will be in 30 moves when the other guy knows the King is being targeted.

@rubles88alvarez83 11 ай бұрын

The xenos have algorithms, but after a while they saw no need for further innovation.

@Maeshalanadae 11 ай бұрын

@@rubles88alvarez83 Yeah…stagnation is never good for civilization.

@MarkJohnson-ro1ed 11 ай бұрын

Humans are the predictive algorithm.

@txDDS 10 ай бұрын

"The missle knows where it is....."

@KillerofGods 10 ай бұрын

"by subtracting where it is from where it isn't,"

@mothmagic1 10 ай бұрын

That is brilliant. It comes across like a university lecture and is delivered much in the vein of the cautionary tales told to children. "Don't do X because Y could be the result and you won't like that ". I love this kind of story. THe present day analogy is HAMAS v Israel. HAMAS poked Israel and they are not happy that Israel, after tolerating years of nuisance raids topped by the recent much larger atrocity, has decided it's time to poke back. Much along the lines of "you poke me and I'll poke back but I'll use a much bigger stick and you'll be sorry."

@fireblow44 10 ай бұрын

damn an actual narrator for once. and a good one!

@banjokazooiesbuddy 2 ай бұрын

When the Crazy Ivan becomes an interstellar tactic and sop.

@victortahlor4038 11 ай бұрын

Thank you for the reading

@521cjb 9 ай бұрын

Maybe the warp field itself could be weaponized - if a warp field could be focused and elongated enough, it could be extended to ridiculous lengths. When a ship engages it's own engines, the whole ship goes into warp. What if it's hit by a warp weapon, what happens when - half - the ship goes into warp and leaves the other half in normal space ? Warp torpedoes, anyone ?

@peterwarner553 8 ай бұрын

And then we introduce rail gun launched guided munitions.

@anonygent 11 ай бұрын

Don't know about other countries, but the US discovered that 90% of all damage inflicted during the Gulf War was from guided weapons even though they only amounted to 10% of all weapons used. So the US has been shifting to mostly guided weapons.

@kalsaphixyasamon1507 10 ай бұрын

even the ARAMs?

@NXTangl 10 ай бұрын

Sometimes you just need a kinetic or explosive bombardment. We still use rifles and artillery, don't we?

@anonygent 10 ай бұрын

@@NXTangl Haven't heard of laser sights? Even our rifles are getting more precise. And the next generation of tanks are going to be unmanned drones.

@NXTangl 10 ай бұрын

@@kalsaphixyasamon1507 Still not guided. The thing that delivers the munition may be, but the munition itself often isn't.

@M.O.Valent 10 ай бұрын

I'd say anything military example of "prowess" from the US is questionable on the very least when not picking on someone their size 😂

@Siranoxz 4 ай бұрын

I think this story in practice is factually true.. Having humans as your allies is a strong friend..

@arandomsystemglitch2398 9 ай бұрын

Indeed if one chooses the hard way theyll truly understand the meaning of i dont like that direction yes sir removing that direction tech is nice but sometimes even very primitive tech is still just as effective when your ai or something else is only desgined with current standards in mind

@ericlondon2663 11 ай бұрын

IDK depends how one "pokes" a human. LOL

@mycroft16 10 ай бұрын

I mean... I don't judge.

@oskark312 5 ай бұрын

i wonder when someone makes a mod for SpaceEnginers PvP for railguns (it is time to delete the command seat)

@chadrowin2956 9 ай бұрын

If you think about the nature of guided missiles being used with the concept strategy of ECCM and CECCM as your bedrock, versus someone who fights using ballistic and energy long range encounters with predictive algorithms, then using electro-magnetically accelerated Gatling guns with depleted uranium tips you can intercept those missiles at long range. In essence, shooting down $50k missiles with $5000 worth of ammunition. Then merge Carrier doctrine with drone technology, and you can launch 100s of interceptor fighters each in command of multiple drones. Imagine the destructive firepower that could be unleashed at long range.

@Lycanthromancer1 10 ай бұрын

Huh. I know Schneeky. Didn't know he's a writer. Wondering when (or if) the last chapter(s) will come in. Guess I'll just have to wait patiently and hope.

@MikhailScottKy 11 ай бұрын

To summarize..... FA with the Humans and FO what happens.....

@lucianfrostbane 9 ай бұрын

A similar story has two human ships called the fuck around and the find out

@Amoth_oth_ras_shash 10 ай бұрын

only fools sneeze at weapons they are inept at ,when others display savage superior talent with it and dumb munitions have one extra vast potential advantage vs guided ones at the ranges of space , and the abundance of easy access to rude materials in it , a ship might with the simplest of cnc automated cutters onboard shape bullets to feed its cannons for months all on its own from any shady corner , a ship needing guided munitions can be starved of them or find itself inferior to ships of the same weight using dumb munitions ...as complicated guidance systems require far greater slice of a ships internal bulk to be produced on board

@jasonwarren9279 5 ай бұрын

But we LIKE being poked. Violence is one heck of a drug

@wambutu7679 10 ай бұрын

Good story. Thanks.

@FrenchLightningJohn 11 ай бұрын

i find it quite stupid when people create story with aliens that had use ranged combat for a very long time and still don't know how to calculate the trajectory of an enemy moving, it is something you learn quite easily by yourself when you are throwing rocks

@stischer47 11 ай бұрын

Ah yes, because we do something, everyone else in the galaxy would fo the same. Did you forget IDIC?

@FrenchLightningJohn 11 ай бұрын

@@stischer47 its something every predator animals do and learn to do, its a very ultra basic concept that animals can grasp

@samfetter2968 11 ай бұрын

@@FrenchLightningJohn actually a majority of predetors on earth don't. Most are basically ambush or strike predetors, that try to hit either a stationary target or wait till a target reaches a predestined point, where the strike is too fast to be avoided. Animals that hunt under the premise that their prey might evade them, have either developed a hunting method where they come to a point, where the prey can't evade...pack hunters...or they just accept, that at least half their attempts will end them empty handed/fanged/etc...like with birds of prey or felines like leopards. You don't find that many predetors that hunt under the premise that their prey evades. And the number of species using projectiles to hit a moving target...are rare. Very rare. At least on earth 🤷‍♂️

@ShneekeyTheLost 11 ай бұрын

Calculating a flat trajectory? Sure, no problem. Any Jr. High student should be able to do that. But calculating the trajectory of an actively evading target? That's *much* more difficult, one that even modern systems struggle with at times. That's why things like the Kinzel 'hypersonic missile' are easily shot down by Patriot systems, as proven in Ukraine, while cruise missiles with evasive capabilities are far harder to lock up and eliminate, despite being slower. Take into consideration the time lag of several minutes, during which any number of course corrections could be made to invalidate even your most accurate and up to date trajectory plots, and it becomes even more difficult to predict where an opponent might be several minutes from now.

@adarkwind4712 10 ай бұрын

@@ShneekeyTheLost except it has been shot down by the patriot system. . . . .a lot.

@grogvaughan5649 9 ай бұрын

@NetNarrator are all 3 parts available??

@baldbastardo 9 ай бұрын

Heh. AI David Mitchell is doing a better job than most of its competition.

@TheSolidSnakeOil 9 ай бұрын

It's an actually human. Something extremely rare and to be cherished.

@vfordyslexia6440 10 ай бұрын

Womp womp, thou not made in gods image.

@VonMed 9 ай бұрын

If we ever get to this state, with our modern world I doubt we will

@ceresbane 11 ай бұрын

Sounds like Rowan Atkinson vaguely. Is Mr Bean Narrating?

@elmateo77 10 ай бұрын

Unfortunately it's not possible to predict where a vessel will be if it's in open space and just trying to dodge your fire without any set destination. It's easy to just hook up your maneuvering thrusters to a random number generator and have your ship move randomly while it fires it's own weapons. And saturating the space with shells to make it impossible to dodge isn't likely to work either, space is just too big. At 1 light minute out, even if your shots travel at light speed, if the target can accelerate in any direction at 10 g's in order to guarantee a hit you'd have to cover a cross-section of spacewith a radius of 176km and area of 97,000 square km such that there was no spot bigger than the size of the cross-section of your ship that didn't have any shots passing through it. They don't mention the size of ships but if an average ship is 1000m long and 300m across you'd have to fire 291,000 shots to guarantee a hit. And that's assuming the target doesn't have the ability to accelerate faster than 10 g's, in most sci-fi they have inertial dampeners and can accelerate much faster than this. If somebody knows you're shooting at them, any non-guided weapon isn't likely to hit. Of course you could probably make a guided ralfun round.

@darkestwilightt 9 ай бұрын

Star Treks phasers are the best

@mastadonking3816 9 ай бұрын

7:09

@commentsedited 11 ай бұрын

God. Benny hill

@thecursed01 11 ай бұрын

ima poka da humans tho

@Primearch-GG 11 ай бұрын

I'm not sure if the author understands how big a distance of light second, let alone light minute, is; seeing as "guided" munition i.e. missiles, torpedos, and the like, are only marginally faster than unguided munitions, unless the aliens in this story are willing to put FTL drives on each and every one of them.😅

@Drago_Whooves 11 ай бұрын

the aliens probably don't, but that sounds like something the humans would do, though doing so against other humans is banned by the revised Geneva Convention

@kitsubrown 11 ай бұрын

Funny enough i am pretty sure unguided weapon would actually be faster than guided weapon since in theory no computer would be able to correct itself if said guided weapon is indeed ftl weapon (just going faster than light not some space folding drive) and will need immense amounts of energy to run while an unguided weapon such as particle cannon can reach almost light speed (not quite light speed since they have mass) with the extra bonus of being far cheaper than making a bunch of missile go ftl

@Primearch-GG 11 ай бұрын

@@kitsubrown there's a story on the channel called "human energy weapons" iirc where humans did put FTL drive on missiles, they're expensive AF and they only have so many of them, but they are as effective as they are expensive.

@Drago_Whooves 11 ай бұрын

@@kitsubrown FLT cannon, the projectile is just an inert block of metal, slamming into the hull of other ships while going 99.99% of Speed of Light, drops out of FTL just inside their shield perimeter

@kitsubrown 11 ай бұрын

@@Drago_Whooves Fun thing about that too if you replace said block of metal with I don't know uranium? It would basically be firing a god damn nuke at someone at almost light speed since the energy of something going that fast will ignite the nuclear reaction and probably sterilise the entire ship