Best HFY Reddit Stories: Humans Are Cosmic Horrors

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#hfy #Greentext #awesome #space #spaceorcs #/tg/ #greentexts #4chan

[@matty101yttam]

Aliens: "sorry about trying to exterminate you" Humans: "that was you guys?" Aliens: "what did you think it was...the weather?" Humans: ".....kinda, yeah"

[@Itwasmeseafood]

And then they feel true fear

[@PotatoWithALaptop]

@@Itwasmeseafood Honestly humans are simultaneously the least dangerous yet most persistent thing in any universe no matter how dangerous or how evil humans still adapt somehow.

[@mikkelnpetersen]

"Just the universe being the universe"

[@klopko249]

Just imagine them meeting doom guy XD

[@IndigoWhiskey]

Meteorologist: oh yeah we worked out in hindsight you were about 34% of it, the rest legitimately was the weather. presumably the lesser forewarned one at the back faints. millions dead, for about a third extra cloud cover and extraterrestrial impacts overall. universe reminds tiny thing how tiny it is.

[@NaomeK40]

Xenos : the sun is food. All is peace, All is good Meanwhile on earth : In the grim darkness of the grimdark future, there is only grim darkness, dark grimness and WAR!

[@dragonsoul123]

Grim, dark war!

[@deadman42]

DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE

[@TK-7193]

Xenos: the sun is food. all is peace, all is good. humans: full of blood, blood is fuel, hell is full.

[@thecursed01]

and appletinis. with a small umbrella.

[@320oathkeeper]

@@TK-7193 😂 this reference is perfect

[@SmolTerribleTornado]

imagine activating the comunications and all they can hear is a "WHAT'S UP FUCKERS!" from a human astronaut

[@GAMEFREAK330]

ERB's "WHATS UP BITCHES!?" *plays loudly over the intercom*

[@denifnaf5874]

Is there an alien translation for YIPPE KA YEE?

[@singletona082]

HI, I'M JONNEY KNOXVILLE. THOSE ARE XENOS WHO TRIED TO EXTERMINATE US. THIS IS A GIANT DEATH MOON BATTLE STATION. WELCOME TO JACKASS.

[@mk6315]

Oh, one comment got hidden Must have been a good one

[@mk6315]

@@bluecamo1988 free bird 😂

[@riccardocarretta3308]

Xenos: "HOW CAN YOU KEEP LIVING? HOW???" Humanity: "spite is a hell of a motivation, you know?"

[@loganshaw4527]

That and you took to long for each plan.

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

So is vengeance 😏

[@michu1247]

Xenos: "How the hell did you survived?!" Humanity: "Fuck you that's how!"

[@Troleandocreyentes]

Aliens: maybe... they arent so bad. Humans in the ship: For the god emperor!

[@elitescpforces.6292]

Blood for the blood god skulls for skull throne.

[@catritonix]

@@elitescpforces.6292 blood for the emperor skulls for the golden Throne

[@ryantomer4126]

@@catritonix you can't be both! Heritic!

[@theanathema3062]

Have I been summoned?

[@Troleandocreyentes]

@@theanathema3062 My lord... Guilliman is dating and Eldar.

[@Hubba404]

Aliens: "W-who are you?" Humans: "We are a monument to all your sins."

[@radjetstream1596]

Human: exhales Entire alien ecosystem proceeds to be eradicated by the common cold

[@js1970nj]

Another human: exhales An entire planet population has been wiped out by the flu

[@crowgrabber_former_er5bb8yb2t]

A third human: takes a dump in a river Entire planet dies of severe diarrhea

[@Dmimpostor]

We have listen through rock and metal songs how to fuck up your civilization

[@tartarussauce2498]

Earth (or rather its life): "Like water, I ebb and flow. Defeat is simply an addition of time to a sentence I never deserved, but *you* imposed."

[@AngloSaxonWheatFarmer]

“Thanks for astroid, we evolved because you knocked the lizards down a peg” “Who are you ?” “ *Your worst fucking nightmare* “

[@mousepotatoliteratureclub]

"And we're considering bringing the lizards back just for the kicks"

[@MsDogleaf]

@@mousepotatoliteratureclubyeah but they still helped us

[@IndigoWhiskey]

"your worst nightmare" is hardly scratching the surface. the guys couldn't just maths out the gravitational binding energy of a planet? scrubs.

[@ravenouself4181]

@@MsDogleaf yes, the domestication of the chicken was indeed a huge step forward that enabled the creation of cakes.

[@Attaxalotl]

“I am a monument to all your sins”

[@Jack_RapidBuster]

Can confirm, I am indeed a cosmic horror, to the point that mirrors crack in my very presence!

[@fergusabrams1012]

As a fellow cosmic horror, I can also confirm this, as all those that witness me are driven utterly mad.

[@loncboi8280]

Does my infinitely expanding neck count me as a cosmic horror?

[@fergusabrams1012]

@@loncboi8280 Indubitably, my good horror.

[@anathardayaldar]

I can create mass seemily out of nothing, or so my bathroom scale claims.

[@loncboi8280]

@@fergusabrams1012 yeeee

[@danbingham3011]

That's an interesting idea. From the humans perspective its like "So you tried to kill us all because WE are evil? You don't see the irony there?"

[@MartyrPandaGaming]

Human: Wait... So, you just went and caused several mass extinction events on our planet, be- Alien: Yes, 5 or 6 at least. Human: Right. Because you guys are all scared of this, Deathworld you called it? Alien: Indeed. We only stopped because we realized it was only making you stronger! Human: Man, you guys must have felt stupid. Well, don't worry. After hearing that, we'll show you how it's done. Alien: Oh, good. Wait, what?

[@nicewater894]

"I'm about do what's called a pro gamer move."

[@lumberluc]

The "And I took offense to that" move

[@thomasboland540]

@MartyrPandaGaming _"Here Comes the Sun" plays ominously in the distance_

[@ravenouself4181]

*exterminatus intensifies*

[@radjetstream1596]

All the aliens Hear is freebird getting louder and louder

[@Adam-wx9jp]

And then the humans meet these creatures that came from fluffy rainbow land immediately start protecting them because our pack bonding instinct

[@physics_hacker]

Meanwhile they panic, taking our protective actions badly because they're expecting us to be mean lol

[@themanformerlyknownascomme777]

the good ending

[@marcusrauch4223]

Until we find out about their genocide attempts on us.

[@Kartoffelkamm]

Yes. And hug and cuddle and pet and dote and

[@Fikoj]

Then the psycho come💀

[@unreasonable-man.bsky.social]

TLDR: Poke the Earthers. Poke the Earthers. Poke the Earthers. "Oh, gods! The Earthers are coming!"

[@ironwolfF1]

Earthers: Yo dudes...s'up? Xenos: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Earthers: Dude! Chill...here, wanna beer?

[@loganshaw4527]

Meanwhile the beer is very poisonous.

[@loganshaw4527]

​@@ironwolfF1the human: want a mountain dew instead?

[@thomasboland540]

Humans: COULD YOU NOT PHRASE IT LIKE THAT?!

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Gotta learn early, never poke the hornet's nest.....

[@thegrimcritic5494]

Xenos: “You humans are an abomination! You are a scourge upon creation, the essence of conflict, chaos, and voracity made flesh!” Humans: “Sounds like a skill issue on your end, buckeroo.”

[@loganshaw4527]

We find choas fun. So not wrong.

[@theawkwardpotato1973]

Also Humans: "The fuck did we do to you?" Aliens: "Exist." -Literally this story in a nutshell. Also what sort of incomprehensibly eldritch heavens do these aliens live on that Earth is a hellscape??? I love these stories, but this is so ridiculous it's laughable. We are literally sitting on the nicest place in perhaps thousands of star systems. The rest of the planets in our star system are literally uninhabitable, and far more extreme than anywhere on Earth. Our neighbors aren't much better- closest to something loosely inhabitable is Mars, and even then, the surface is barren. To be fair, it might be better to call our world the most inhabitable for hundreds of lightyears. There's some deadly places, but that's mostly The best thing to take from this story? Religious zealotry and pack mentality isn't always the best thing. Might lead you to destroying worlds because you think they or the inhabitants are weird.

[@radjetstream1596]

Aliens: no, you can't just live through competition Humans: um, actually

[@KinshinReaper]

it definitely sounds like a personal problem they need to work on in their spare time XD

[@JAMBUILDER08]

I love the idea that the aliens ask: "After all that, HOW ARE YOU ALIVE!?!?" And Humanity just says: "Skill issue"

[@cameronknox7567]

Is there a part two? Would be interesting to see the humans reaction to the rest of the galaxy essentially being, well, the phrase, enough nutrients in the air that we basically don’t have to do anything, kind of encapsulates what we would find out there. Also, completely and utterly insane giggling sounds can be heard from the outer dark of my screen, so take that how you will.

[@JM-mh1pp]

@@crimsondragon9094 link please?

[@crimsondragon9094]

@@JM-mh1pp he has the link in his description

[@akmon3490]

We have bacteria too but they don't satiate us

[@akmon3490]

@Nad Senoj i mean in the air to eat them

[@AugustoEL]

@Nad Senoj yeah, but we can't sustain ourself with just breathing them.

[@redraptorx1066]

aliens: *cause several armageddons to try and wipe out humans* humans: whatever doesn't kill us, better start either asking forgiveness or praying to their gods.... because if it's prayers we aren't listening.

[@theoink636]

No, Humans were the last part of the story, implying that the aliens killed others before us, including the dinos.

[@redraptorx1066]

@@theoink636 there were small mammals alive on earth alongside the dinosaurs, mammals that would have decedents one day rise to become dominant and eventually evolve humans.

[@kdrapertrucker]

No, in this story the aliens caused the great extinctions in the prehistoric eras the last one being the asteroid strike that killed the dinosaurs and allowed mammals to take over the planet.

[@theorangeoof926]

It’s referring to multiple past extinctions in human history, from the Cyrogenian Snowball Earth, to the Great Dying ending the Paleozoic Era.

[@Attaxalotl]

We’re the direct result of the dinosaurs kicking the bucket.

[@TheFoxfiend]

Yeah... When humanity finds out that the aliens tried to kill their entire world not 1, not 2, but at least 3 times I don't think humanity will take it lightly.

[@louisianaman2025]

well the only reason humanity exist is because they killed everything on the earth multiply times so ehhh i really dont know how they would react

[@ashipthattriestobotheryou4759]

Maybe the first is extinction during cambrian era of earth second for about Triassic and the third one is createcious?

[@geoshark12]

As long as thet don’t attack us ( which is unlikely) we would probably laugh our asses off

[@Wolfkey13]

They were litteral fight against dinosaurs.

[@sgtwhisker26]

Have you met us?

[@mrmanceres7653]

The lesson here is never poke a death world, it will poke back.

[@talisonqueirozviana7329]

and it will likely poke harder.

[@en-men-lu-ana6870]

@@talisonqueirozviana7329 And multiple times.

[@sgtwhisker26]

With a rock

[@trolreaper7293]

@@en-men-lu-ana6870 I think it's British

[@maurizioginanneschi9402]

@@talisonqueirozviana7329 And it will poke where it hurts more...

[@CapitanoAraym]

... and then, the humans met the Xenos: "OOOOhhi!!! Look at those cute, harmless, aliens!!! We MUST be take them home and protect them!!!"

[@themanformerlyknownascomme777]

the good ending

[@GC-uu6fx]

" Your my friend now, were having soft tacos later! :D"

[@alyshaharper8730]

Keep in mind they're probably vegan, make sure you have jackfruit tacos or something for them.

[@pugsabi]

This just makes them sound like house cats.

[@gabrote42]

Gaia is a strict, merciless but engaging, fun and ingenious mother. What folly to attempt to limit her to the prowess of whatever precursors seeded those worlds. Cool story, I hope they survive in peace :)

[@dukedevlan5457]

Humans :Nature's a bitch

[@jowiemonster]

This one, had me like "don't talk about our mom like that, she is very nice once you get to know her."

[@Zotorrai]

"Faith that will triumph over evil" he says while attempting to kill a planet for a 3rd time

[@Zakvadr1995]

The first human approaches the lectern before the Galactic council, near a thousand different species watched on in mixture’s of horror, fear and excitement. She stood before the leaders and military personnel in the building and spoke- “We are Humanity, and we come in peace! Our home is hell enough and we want friends!”

[@radjetstream1596]

Entire galaxy: chilling On Earth: space race begins Entire galaxy:why do I hear boss music

[@davidvincent5701]

With this story here we have the true history behind all the 40k like universes. The God of chaos our Gaia.

[@davidvincent5701]

@Cannabis Dreams ; The only Aqua I know is the reluctant companion of Subaru in a anime. And she is a ditzy buffoon.

[@ajoshua19ja]

@@davidvincent5701 I just know the useless goddess

[@Saviliana]

@@davidvincent5701 Maybe that is exactly what happened, she created us while she's absolutely drunk and making a fuss.

[@pandoratheclay]

@@davidvincent5701 why is someone named after a car???!?!

[@davidvincent5701]

@@pandoratheclay ; There's an anime that has Aqua as a goddess and Subaru as a reincarnation hero. Gaia goddess ( probably misspelled) from Greek or Roman mythology.

[@blasternine8814]

"Hello xenos. We have been attempting to reach you regarding your ship's extended warranty."

[@Terran.Marine.2]

Your premiums are past due, and the late fees are... unfortunate.

[@phantomwraith1984]

When humanity joins a galactic community, earth will become the Florida of the galaxy

[@piglin469]

OHIO*

[@keyman1969b]

Bruh....🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@Germlin]

Or Australia

[@angelangelis8362]

Become? It already was. They tried to kill it with fire, quite literally, at least once.

[@fleurpouvior2967]

I'd rather be the emus of Australia to the galaxy....

[@silverbutterfly1739]

The goddess watches from her scarred throne of pain and violence, she watches as the fools desperately attempt to destroy the beautiful rose that is her creation. She watches... and she laughs, and she laughs, and she laughs. For they do not know what she knows. they do not know that they have created the perfect environment, the perfect cradle for her children. Children that hold her image and see the universe as she sees it. And now, that her children are ready, they shall spread the seeds of her rose throughout the cosmos, they will till the soil and fertilize the ground with the bones and blood of the fools. and throughout it all, the goddess will laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

[@singletona082]

*LET. THE GALAXY. BURN!*

[@tallun_titanslayer5119]

evil cackling ensues

[@seiboldtadelbertsmiter3735]

Awesome

[@worldcomicsreview354]

The Earth and her children behold you...

[@Doktor_Lutscher]

By the Lord almighty, the false goddess will fall by Man just as surely.

[@nickpossum3607]

That is the difference between you and us. For as we both did stare into the Abyss, but when the Abyss stared back, You Blinked.

[@nk_3332]

wHEN THE aBYSS STARED BACK, IT SHOUTED 'dON'T HURT ME!'

[@nickpossum3607]

@@nk_3332 , The Safe Word Is Squid, NOW pucker up those Suckers You Biggum! Humanity wants Some LOVING!

[@catfwish]

We waved and said, "g'day mate!"

[@jkbscopes1233]

Your gods were lazy, weak Ours knew your hatred and fear and made us strong, powerful.

[@worldcomicsreview354]

There was another story like this, where humans live inside "the veil of madness" that makes intelligent life wipe itself out, most of it before it even acheives space travel. Somehow humans survive this and, when finally making first contact with aliens, accidentally send a garbled transmission and slam a probe into an unprotected ship. From the aliens' point of view "something came out of the veil, screaming incoherently, destroyed one of our ships, and disappeared back the way it came"

[@redirmer760]

This is interesting, if you won't mind, Please share the link of the video from where this is from 🙏

[@macm5542]

I remember this, i read it, very good story, i don't remember the name

[@joedaiskiwagas6780]

Looks interesting

[@Darkinu2]

Literally called "The Veil of Madness". Part 1 is the creepy horror stuff. The next 2 are just comedy 😂

[@chthulu27]

This makes me think of the Books of the Damned trilogy by Alan Dean Foster. While not necessarily smarter than the other species of the universe, humans are physically so much stronger and tougher to an absurd degree. Humans are also the only species with the capacity to actually enjoy violence. It's a very fascinating series.

[@oriadakreggud7688]

I only regret I didn't finish the third book

[@chthulu27]

@@oriadakreggud7688 , it's really good. I promise if you go back and read it now, you will not be disappointed. Although I admit the second book is my favorite of the trilogy.

[@s.g.waller4139]

Screenshot your comment so I can buy these. Thanks for the suggestion.

[@chthulu27]

@s.g.waller4139 , any time! It's a fantastic series! If you ever want other recommendations, I know a couple other good ones that may not be well known.

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Harry Harrison's 'Deathworld' series is pretty good too, as well as David Drake's 'Hammer's Slammers' 👍

[@scotteggert9820]

Well, Our Mother surely believes in survival through adversity, doesn't She. Gaia plots and plans. But She gives Life to those that seek it out and are strong enough to wrest it from Her blossom. We are Humans. And We are Horror immeasurable. The Universe shudders at our arrival into Space. But Gaia our loving, unflinching Mother Goddess gave us Life for a reason. So what true Horror is out there that only We the Children of Gaia are strong enough to meet?

[@akmon3490]

We are the ones that are accelerating the natural terraforming our own planet to fuel our advance and yet moronic enough to try to stop a natural process by just stopping the reason why it accelerated

[@generalnawaki]

@CannabisDreams I keep seeing this, which aqua or is this a weeb thing?

[@Crazael]

@@generalnawaki Aqua is a character from the anime Konosuba. She is a goddess of water and gets forced to be the main character's "cheat item" as he is reincarnated in a generic fantasy world. She is, despite being a powerful goddess, only useful for spending MC's money and drinking truly ridiculous amounts of booze. She is no less useful than anyone else of the main character's Party, which consists of Aqua herself, a noble knight named Darkness who can't hit anything, the main character who is an idiot and a pervert, and a mage named Megumin who can only cast a single spell, and she can only cast it once per day because it drains all of her mana.

[@generalnawaki]

@@Crazael oh that Aqua. sheesh I wouldn't trust her with potatoe gun and a watermelon patch let alone humanity.

[@AugustoEL]

@@generalnawaki Aqua also known as the usseless blue thing, a character in konosuba (a parody isekai anime).

[@matthewwitzig6534]

Humans: How y'all doin'? :D Aliens: Aaaah it's a cosmic horror from the deathworld! Humans: ... rude. :(

[@andruloni]

"See this planet we tried to sterilise for being different? Vile place."

[@loganshaw4527]

Not every where is Australia!

[@dubuyajay9964]

​@loganshaw4527 No...there's also Florida. Humans vacation there.

[@matthewwitzig6534]

@@dubuyajay9964 Earth is both the galaxy's Florida and the galaxy's Australia.

[@proudamerican183]

​@@matthewwitzig6534 I mean . . . Australia is the British Florida and Florida is the American Australia . . .

[@LordEverlost]

Good prevails over evil but evil survives because good is dumb or overconfident.

[@vadfarkas14]

And neither can exist without the other.

[@Fallen-Champion_Cox]

Overconfidence is a slow, and insidious killer.

[@papperdakVG]

@@Fallen-Champion_Cox and so persists the evils of the darkest dungeon

[@generalnawaki]

Evil survives because Good will not do what it takes to truly rid the universe of evil, become evil and do the things that evil would do upon the evil. only then is evil truly gone. its like batmans code, killing a killer does not reduce the amount of killers, it would if you killed two killers.

[@unreasonable-man.bsky.social]

Good? The theocrats repeatedly attempting mass extinction are good?

[@khaoskowl1640]

I like to imagine we hacked into their probe and upon learning about their acts, sent a message through that probe that simply read "we are aware, we are angry".

[@StormsandSaugeye]

"We are aware. Our united forces have a message for you all: "GIT GUD SCRUBS!"

[@scottwilliams846]

I'd like to think that this is in the universe of the "Humans Don't Hibernate" story and that they tried destroying the Dinosaurs and whatever and the spacecraft leaving at the end was an Apollo moon mission.

[@GolAcheron-fc4ug]

i always knew nasa was evil

[@xenn4985]

Life on earth: vibing All life in the known universe: UNACCEPTABLE

[@pandoratheclay]

Hold up i got smth better Life on earth: vibing All life in the known universe: UNACCEPTABLE Life on earth: * sticks out tongue * All life in the universe: KILL IT KILL KILL FIRE ICE METEORS SOMETHING Life on earth: I fail to see how that’s my problem

[@catfwish]

"They aren't the Boogeyman. They're the ones you send to kill the fuckin' Boogeyman."

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

A planet full of John Wicks. _(satisfaction)_

[@dj82020]

Xenos to Humanity: What are you? Humanity: we are Frankenstein's Monsters and we seek our maker.

[@martincook6939]

Xenos: This should finally kill them. Earth: Hold my beer and watch this shit.🤣

[@Papa_Waffles]

I love it, every attempt to kill off life on Earth only proved to make what survived stronger.

[@TJCID22]

Can you imagine you are sitting at home, watching TV, having a cold one, then you hear a knock on the door. You open you see Cthulu standing there "Hello neighbor I just moved in next door. Just wanted to say hi, introduce myself, I'm having a barbecue this week want to join?".

[@dubuyajay9964]

Are we...the barbecue?

[@ryansauchuk7290]

Hot

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Sure, I'll have a burger with Cthulhu 😁

[@Craigthedingledingbat]

Typical day in Montana

[@mycroft16]

Bet he throws a mean block party. I'm down. What? It's Earth Of course we chill with our own eldritch cosmic horrors.

[@flashgordon4584]

Alien god: I shall give my people all of natures amenities as possible, and build a safe haven for them Human god: thug it out lmao

[@Ky-kx2hd]

Humans: Haha flag on moon Aliens: Welp, we're dead.

[@loganshaw4527]

Humans says to the aliens: ya one time a planet hit our planet all it did was make the moon.

[@alexanderkoch2174]

Aliens: *KILL EM, OH GOD WHAT IS THAT* meanwile humans: haha funny dancing cat

[@darthixion957]

TL;DR: Create-Your-Own-Villain scenario with xenos.

[@nk_3332]

Then we well them about Lovecraft/Cthulhu, Warhammer 40K, and the US Federal Bureaucracy. And the ritUal greeting on encountering a human is to yell 'WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!'

[@loganshaw4527]

Lol imagine doing a evil ritual and all is does is summon a human.

[@nk_3332]

@@loganshaw4527 Every one of Nyarlathotep's 999 forms causes madness in those who gaze upon them. Three known are attractive humans with no noisome features. Who the heck is he freaking out with those?

[@loganshaw4527]

@@nk_3332 lol it would only work on these aliens or beings like them.

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Don't forget the unabridged IRS tax code 🤣

[@SupCom78]

I would love to have a second part. ^^ And let's take a moment of silence for the poor poor fools who attacked our world. For they made 2 mistakes, first they attacked us without even trying to communicate and second they let some escape who had enough to grow again. Creatures who had to kill, who always had to work and fight for everything. We come to you, activate the Sword of Tera, all weapons are free, let the wrath of Gaia's children devour the evil attackers. Very interesting story, I must say, very ironic.

[@geoshark12]

Basically they didn’t attack when humans were on the planet , there last attempt was what wiped out tbe dinosaurs

[@generalnawaki]

@@geoshark12 shoulda gone back and made sure the job was done then. we will.

[@SupCom78]

@@geoshark12 And the Object that escaped i would call that a spaceship and i assume it was the time Humans were there the planet attack with a asteroid planed size i ment. then the asteroid that whiped out the dinosaurs was not planet size. ;)

[@Khanine1]

@@SupCom78 The timeline can be a bit hard to follow but I think there’s a time-jump between the impact event and the first contact of millions of years. Basically they threw an asteroid at Earth and then just presumed the job was done and missed the entire history of humanity until an explorer ship found their drone. This relies on the alien’s being incredibly negligent but I guess that’s what growing up on a paradise world gets you. As for a planet-sized asteroid, they said they originally wanted to use a planet but that was sacrilege so they went for planet-adjacent and threw the biggest asteroid they could find. Apparently they’re not good at looking though since there would have been several larger asteroids than the dino-killer hanging out in the asteroid belt (and likely some of the trojan fields as well).

[@SupCom78]

@@Khanine1 true but something escaped a primitive spacecraft so the last attack at least in my opinion happened when humankind was already a thing. but tegardless a great story i hope there will be a part 2.

[@Hickabooboo]

Humans first message after initiating first contact: COULD YOU FUCKING NOT?

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Jeez, guys, cut it out, you're gonna make us miss 'Friends'...

[@Heidao623]

Meanwhile Humanity: Hopefully there's life out there to be our friends Galactic Community: *KILL THEM, KILL THEM NOW*

[@jackadams3878]

GC probably has the right approach. I mean, if they wanted us dead, all they had to do was send down spies to frustrate every effort we made to escape, and then wait for us to destroy ourselves.

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

The one race against conflict: It's not the jedi way

[@Mae_Dastardly]

Humans Are Space Spiders

[@ryantomer4126]

@@Mae_Dastardly stimp one, millions more poor from its corpse

[@domschra]

* sigh * *TERRAN IT IS* * Starts playing lets be xenophobic *

[@fuge74]

"they left a message for us: 'We come in peace.'"

[@loganshaw4527]

You broke our hope all you will see is what happens if "we come for war"

[@sirtofbaggins4270]

Earth to aliens is like Australia to humans.

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Except that humans can actually live in Australia 😉

[@Cha-Khia]

We are cosmic horrors that want nothing more than to boop snoots, and drink heavily.

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Boop! 😁

[@Ocro555]

@@Jedidiah_Martin_2 b o o p

[@mycroft16]

And trade with you. We like trading.

[@Iosaef]

"Upstuck naive aliens stop the production of a developing ecosystem forcing the life on the planet to adapt to harsh environments and difficulty instead of evening out into a peaceful world where the natural cycle would have most likely ended up with a civilization not unlike their own. Due to interference caused by novel fear the aliens created a deathworld so potent that life's struggle would eventually mutate into even more powerful forms caused by their own hubris".

[@carlchapman4053]

Aliens - Our Gods told us that Good would always prevail over Evil! Humans - Correct, you blocked the Sun trying to freeze us to death before boiling the oceans and drying up the land. You ignited our volcanos, poisoned our bodies and stole the very air from our lungs before dropping an asteroid on us to finish the job! However Good will always Prevail because WE ARE HUMANS... And we forgive you!

[@mycroft16]

Good, now that this isnoutnof the way we have been trying to reach you about your spacecraft extended warranty...

[@Godzillagamer1577]

Xenos : the sun is food. All is peace, All is good Meanwhile on earth : Savior Bloodstain Hellfire Shadow Heaven on a landslide (x2) If you have to ask, it's too late Somewhere in between, your character grace An eye on fantasy, touching nails Sparks fly, off of me and onto you Brothers in the dark Fight for your life Devils in the dark Fight for your life Fight for your life Fight for your life (This is a edit of a comment I found)

[@scientistx5717]

Aliens accelerated our evolution and made the life on the planet even more robust kek

[@wrathshorts2894]

As the stars move into their foretold conjunctions. Gaia rises from the black. Great Terrans frenzy for to assert their promised dominion. They plant seeds of madness in the minds of the dreamer and call to those who would serve THEM. Life will learn new ways to shout and kill. The galaxy will be under their sway now and for all time. The old gods will fall before them as they shatter the chains of reason. Kings will be made mad. The mad shall be made kings and not even the dead shall be spared their wrath. The humans rise.

[@ianharrison5758]

Oh yeah I know you talking to Tzeentch

[@KuDastardly]

Humans: 🎵 _"Heeeeyyy!!"_ Aliens: 🎵 _"Heeeeyyy!!... WHAT?!!!"_

[@a_Minion_of_Soros]

I'd love to get a follow-up when they found out how kind AND terrifying humans are...

[@sampfrost]

we did invent cthulhu

[@onerxowns2202]

And he shriek in horror

[@artbrann]

@Cannabis Dreams and then we combined them both in existential crisis anime and henti

[@elitescpforces.6292]

@@artbrann you have created scarlet king

[@wrathshorts2894]

Earth is a planet of terrible, unnumbered crimes. On the Earth, walk only mad things. In the dark. She lays dreaming. The human god's heart. Is black ice. The humans know all the secrets. They know the cold. They know the dark.

[@unusualbydefault]

Carebares got PTSD from seeing dinosaurs lol

[@xx_kittenkulture_xx1530]

The Aliens' entire divine plan was to.... throw a rock at us?? I don't think their god did them any favors with that whole 'sentience' bit

[@brynbarz]

This would be the BEST setting for a sci-fi TTRPG. The player's play as humans amid this world

[@BetaSolution]

It took until the very end of the video for me to realize that GA-14 = Gaia.

[@Ocro555]

OH

[@angelangelis8362]

And yet, after all this, all I can see is human showing up and confusing the hell out of the by being really nice. Aliens: Why?! Why are you so NICE?! You've been living on a planet that is as close to hell as anything we've ever seen! How can you be so nice to us?! Human: *shrug.* We've literally known nothing else our entire existence. With how crap our homeworld is...why wouldn't we be happy to be off it? Anyway, it's nice to meet you. We noticed there are some worlds around yours that seem barren and lifeless. Do you not have terraforming tech? If not we could probably figure something out, we are already making our neighboring planets livable."

[@loganshaw4527]

Lol imagine we make earth 2 but it is 3 times the size. We find 4 barren rock planets and fusion them into one world and a moon.

[@mycroft16]

Humans would be super polite gracious ask if we could take all those uninhabitable worlds off their hands. Pay extremely well for them up front and in trade and resource deals going forward and since the security of the system and travel routes now matters to us we will also contribute to system wide defense and policing in joint fleets. Play nice, just trade with the happy squishy monkeys and you'll never have to worry a out the gifts the dark goddess of chaos gave us. Even we prefer any other route than that. But don't ever for a second think it means we are weak. Because there is only 1 single rule that she and our homeworld taught us. The only rule that matters is survival. Amd we are very good at it.

[@Qilue]

Writer knows his mass extinctions. End of Ordovician, end of Permian and end of Cretaceous.

[@dillonpeterson66]

I like the idea that they just never told us and we end up basically being ogryns (i think thats how its spelled) from 40k completely chill until something pisses us off and then being absolutely terrifying.

[@goodenoughright5433]

And now you see that evil will always win because good is dumb

[@aaronjackson6880]

Use the Schwartz

[@proudamerican183]

​@@aaronjackson6880 Oh my god. Someone else actually knows of Spaceballs in this age. 😂 Respect dude, respect.

[@wyatthermens2866]

This is really good. I should start listening to as many of these as I can to try and improve my own story telling skills. Maybe then I can figure out what’s wrong with my story lol

[@Burneth_]

10:20 At first i thought they were talking about Theia, then remembered Theia happened much farther into the past

[@ProjectNetoku]

Wait so if i have this right earths mass extinction events were aliens trying and failing to kill us off because our form of evolution and design was that horrific to them?

[@ProjectNetoku]

last one with an asteroid could be the dino killer... buuut idk- we have freezing and burning- ice age and global tropics, nothing moon related though but idk.

[@blackcat09tails55]

Dinosaurs scared them senseless so they tossed a astroid at earth,then humans evolved

[@themanformerlyknownascomme777]

@@ProjectNetoku a comment from the original Reddit post breaks it down, the mass extinction events the aliens cause are: Ordovician-Silurian, Late Devonian, Permian-Triassic and finally the Cretaceous-Paleogene (AKA the Dinosaur killer).

[@VelociraptorsOfSkyrim]

​@@themanformerlyknownascomme777There is also the Triassic-Jurassic Event, perhaps some of those ships hit the Earth hard enough to Crack the continent?

[@GAMEFREAK330]

Wait till we tell them we killed our God by nailing him to a tree.

[@Deadxman616]

nah tell the aliens about Ragnarök or The Aztec apocalypse ( these are the two most fitting death world religions)

[@GAMEFREAK330]

@@Deadxman616 That works too lol. Problem is we are past the Aztec one are we not?

[@physics_hacker]

@@GAMEFREAK330 If you're referring to 2012, that was the Mayan end of cycles I believe.

[@GAMEFREAK330]

@@physics_hacker That is correct. I thought it was the supposed end to the calendar? As in no more dates beyond that. (At least recorded by them)

[@physics_hacker]

@@GAMEFREAK330 If I remember correctly the significance was that it was the end of their longest cycle, like we have day, week, month, year, decade, century etc. they had time divisions and 2012 was the end of the longest one they had. So, an end of the calendar in the sense of, for example, the end of a millennium. Another one would follow, but they never bothered to describe what the next was meant to be like because it was so far off. Which is fair, since the one they described outlasted their civilization significantly.

[@methanbreather]

nice galaxy you got there. Would be a shame if something happened to it. Btw, here are my humans. Catch! Oops you spilled them all over you. Oh my. Oh well. Your problem now. Bye!

[@Ghost_Ark66]

There are more parts to this story I hope you make more videos on them it sounds like it would make for a good little series

[@RichardX1]

So we were the only sentient species in the universe that was foolish enough to listen to the talking snake?

[@TanyaSapienVintage]

HI! I'm a representative of planet G-14. We'd like to discuss debts owed for damages and unfairly induced suffering. We accept Master Card.

[@dontuspowerus1093]

Wow, 3 major historical extinction events in the fic that knows more than one extinction event! (Looking at you Asteroid event)

[@loganshaw4527]

Was one of them caused by high oxygen levels?

[@dontuspowerus1093]

@@loganshaw4527 I forgot this HFY now.

[@loganshaw4527]

@@dontuspowerus1093 it named 3, oxygen rise form the first trees cause a total age ice form reverse green house effect. A massive super volcano super eruption set off all volcanos on the ring of fire and last the meteor strike that ended the dinosaurs. There are in fact more then just 3.

[@dontuspowerus1093]

@@loganshaw4527 ah.

[@loganshaw4527]

@@dontuspowerus1093 If the aliens were the cause they would freak about human that were born form the ashes like a Phoenix.

[@Avigorus]

Anyone else visualizing the dark goddess as Cate Blanchett's Hela? lol

[@kireta21]

Now imagine humans playing into aliens belief that all life comes from, and is directed, by divine will: We are scourge of our god, and you have sinned greatly. For had you not sin greatly, we would not be your punishment.

[@RealengoPrimordialDemon]

The Karens has been unleashed unto the universe. May the gods have mercy on the poor xenos.

[@zacharyogletree5574]

If you truly believe that you can defeat us. We have fought each other. We have killed our own species for millennium. What do you think will do to good luck

[@VVeremoose]

Creating a child race who wants for nothing is the true mark of maliciousness.

[@Jorunic]

So first it was the First Freeze then The Great Dying at the end of the Permian era and then the KT Event at the end of the Cretaceous.

[@bigzampano6180]

Let's infect the galaxy and the universe together my fellow cosmic horrors

[@Ocro555]

Son of a bitch I'm in

[@vaulthunterfromterra4053]

I will not claim to be an eldritch being or otherwise cosmic entity, but I will say that one time I locked eye with a W*ndigo and it fell over backwards before running away, leaving scratches in the road as it fled. But that was years ago. Also more recently, I locked eyes with a Crawler and it evaporated. Sort of how it would if it were exposed to sunlight, but it was 2 a.m.

[@killme2675]

I wanna smoke what you smoked

[@extragirth64]

I get it, going through all the different types of extinction events of Earth but the asteroid, the last and strongest of all the attacks, was actually the weakest one. The ice age or volcanic extinctions were much worse. Earth was actually the result of a planetary collision, like something the size of Mars slamming into Earth. That planet is still inside our own, we call it Theia. I got really confused when they brought up making another world hit Earth. At first I was like, _"they got this way out of order!"_

[@illusiveelk2558]

GA-14 is literally supposed to say Gaia, which is kind of funny.

[@meanderthelost6029]

Thanks!

[@NetNarrator]

Thank YOU!

[@degenererad]

First contact answer will be "oh fuck they made it, run!"

[@chrissoto7187]

Look just don’t poke the chainsaw monkeys

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Psychotic murder-apes being dangerous? Nah.... 😂

[@seankane8628]

And then they met us..children of a world with many gods

[@generalnawaki]

if mankind survived the Galaxy would bleed until the horrors unleashed upon us had been paid back in kind.

[@sleepingbackbone7581]

Wait, wait....so, THAT was the largest asteroid they could find?! pfffft...amateurs...

[@jayeisenhardt1337]

So much faith that they are soo good they would smother a baby in it's cradle. Mama Earth didn't raise no punk. If everything kills everything here, what could make them think life would die so easy?

[@jayeisenhardt1337]

Also, human to the hellhound "aww puppy!"

[@SkalyGhostGaming]

I can see the people in the galaxy running around in the streets panicking

[@wind64a39]

I guess that would explain why my mom and I have opposite strange effects on electronics. There's also the matter of a sinkhole that opened under my bedroom when I was a kid. Animals also seem to either really like me or be terrified by my presence.

[@Jedidiah_Martin_2]

Humans being humans 😁👍

[@trentberry6968]

Someone should let those aliens know they aren't made in the god emperors image!

[@smithertoddsforge2625]

This is why when I pray, I do not ask God to take away my suffering, instead I ask for the strength both materiel and of character to bear nobly the hardships of the world.

[@tyrschampion471]

May the gods give you the peace of a swift death , for we shall not. Terra Invictus