Best HFY Reddit Stories: It Should Have Been An Easy Win

[@kitsubrown]

I feel like the reason we don't let anyone in is that in our system we are constantly fighting eachother waiting for someone to come fuck around and find out

[@annonamis]

Or we were keeping security secrets. Most traders were escorted by military vessels that would record positions

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

Commercial interests as well. Having at least one leg of the human alien trade routes be a human monopoly must have been hugely profitable.

[@clausroquefort8726]

nope, it's because any advanced (and especially FTL capable spaceships) would have enough energy at it's disposal to exterminatus an inhabited planet. "noooo, you cant nuke my homeworld!" "haha spaceship go BONK"

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

@@clausroquefort8726 aye , if it is possible to bend space time/fabric of existence in any of the classic warp/blink/wormhole/faster then light etc way... any inhabited system or 'deep' space region likely have a ''anything trying to exit inside this area will be treated as an act of war and exterminatus atempt'' ..and that is even if any such thing as ''inhibitor' hardware is possible or 'natural' effects such as gravity wells pulling things into 'normal' space ..its still one giant scenario of circomstances and ''all it takes is one single lune or genocidal empire making generations long plans''.. so , you get a thumbs up! logic thought ^^

[@MurderPierrot]

​@@clausroquefort8726spaceship go bonk 😆 😆

[@wrathgamingtwo3560]

Xenos: WE WILL CONQUOR YOU! Humans: Allow us to teach you the ways of WAAAAAAAAGH!

[@TheGosgosh]

„Hehe, stupid xenos. You just activated my WAAAAAAGH card!“

[@Burningsteel]

Hello xeno let me teach you about holy purging in the name of the God Emperor XD

[@wrathgamingtwo3560]

@@Burningsteel Learning is fun kids. :D

[@dreamypizza8458]

"dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards, we regret coming to earth and we most CERTAINTLY regret that the corps BLEW UP OUR RAGGEDY ASS FLEET!"

[@Vandal_Hawk63]

OOH RAH!

[@10d_muhammadjavasnararya]

OORAH!

[@tuckerodonnell9269]

OOHRAAH!

[@thecomedygamingnetwork261]

HOO RAH

[@vinylicpluto9298]

This man here knows what the ladies like

[@FeyTheBin]

Humans hit the empire so hard, it turned into Space Myanmar.

[@mullerman1970]

LOL

[@Iluvantir]

Alien travelling to Earth on an Terran Tourist Ship: "So... that's Mars?" Human Tourist Guide: "Yes. Our beautiful Red Planet neighbour." Alien: "What are all the ... explosions about." Human: "Fireworks. Testing ground." Alien: "They look like small scale nuclear..." Human: "(sigh)... we're having a war-game." Alien: "For... what reason?" Human: "Practice." Alien: "uh... okay... why?" Human: "Just in case." Alien stares blankly. Human sighs again: "Ask the Gan'zo." Alien: ".... oOOOooh! That's why our ships can't visit?" Human nods: "But that's why we set up our Tourist Ships!" Alien thinks to itself: "Goddess, they're nuts... nice co-fee, though..."

[@wakcedout]

After that could you imagine an alien race having its engines shut down and it drops out of slip space only to realize they stopped smack dab in sol. They’d likely shit themselves, begin contemplating suicide before realizing an engine malfunction would be forgiven and they’d be sent on their way.

[@GrigoriZhukov]

Well we'd help. But they won't unlock the doors.

[@waynecampeau4566]

Waking up a sleeping bear is a mistake you make only once.

[@GuardianSage]

Sleeping bear, sleeping giant, sleeping dragon. Regardless, you only make the mistake once, and everyone else learns quickly from your mistake.

[@wrathgamingtwo3560]

Everybody thinks they're the Crocodile Hunter.

[@KuDastardly]

The favorite part was listening to how the Gan'zo fleet jumped out already battered and I'm thinking the aliens be like "Dafuq tore their asses out?"

[@Fuxy22]

Seems wise enough not to let any other species into some human core areas, all species should have something similar... some things can be hard to stomach by non humans and we need space to relax and feel at home as a species. Also foreign spies are easy to catch which is a plus.

[@ravenouself4181]

And we also need space to test some new toys :D

[@HawkGTboy]

Yup. We would certainly need worlds where all aliens were forbidden. All races in the Galaxy would deserve the same thing, diversity-free spaces to call their own.

[@TheCanadianGuy56]

After playing the Earth Defense Force games, it's hilarious to hear an author use it as a super serious name, and just picture a bunch of idiots, approximately man sized toddlers with unlimited military budget kills me 😂

[@david2869]

EDF! Eeee, Deee, Efff!

[@danteinouye6098]

To save our mother earth from any alien attack!

[@silentshadow9983]

OH WE ARE THE VALIANT INFANTRY WE ARE ALPHA TEAM WITH PASSION AND COMRADERIE

[@serpentinious7745]

And so ended the reign of Gonzo - I mean Ganzo - Muppet Empire

[@garysuarez9614]

Xenos: We will conquer you, like everyone else we have conquered. Humans: Please allow us to introduce...ourselves. You shan't be leaving as you arrived. That is to say, in the same amount of peices.

[@molag-ballordofdomination2065]

No touchy earth

[@CT-1035]

We are very “no touchy earth”

[@wrathgamingtwo3560]

Must protec Earth Chan.

[@molag-ballordofdomination2065]

@@wrathgamingtwo3560 you made me cringe so hard my back hurts

[@benjaminehren7965]

Mmmmmm yes. Hearing about empires being torn asunder does my heart good.

[@Nomo-sapiens]

Very human of you.

[@howardchambers9679]

Be careful what you wish for, economic empires can fall as well

[@mikkelnpetersen]

Worst thing you can do, it think something will be an "easy win", it will make you drop your guard and make it easier to counter.

[@Darkinu2]

4:58 Opps, looks like NN misread a word. "Applauded " I sure hope they didn't applaud our "destruction " 😂😂

[@caelestigladii]

It may be the author being a victim of autocorrect, rather than NN reading wrong. 😊

[@Darkinu2]

@@caelestigladii Fair enough

[@KaiHenningsen]

@@Darkinu2 Oh, it was wrong, it should have been "appalled". But it was no autocorrect mistake, just horribly bad spelling of the original text, quite obviously not using any form of autocorrect at all. There were lots and lots of mistakes in the text ... also a number of _creative_ readings by NN, a few of which were actual improvements.

[@robertbemis9800]

Human just don't want to cause a panic in the wider universe

[@bc64100]

i always remember a old saying my grand mother say she live thru the 1920 to early 90s "there is a devil the is no doubt but is he fight to get in us or fight to get out" i always image a demon a angle both holding a keys like you see in the nuclear launch sense in movie they both they insert and turn the keys a and humanity step out what we can do what we will do pushed into a corner

[@thelaughinghyenas8465]

First - I keep thinking "Gonzo fleet."

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

yep that will explain all the chickens lol

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

Camilla approves

[@Nomo-sapiens]

I keep hearing goose empire because ganso is goose in spanish.

[@animal16365]

When in Doubt. STAY OUT

[@wrathgamingtwo3560]

Map of human space: Here there be monsters.

[@serpentinious7745]

All that made it back were the screams

[@leechowning2712]

Japan made it to space, I see. Too bad. They thought the Americans and Soviets scary... now they learn.

[@GenericfacelessNPC]

Lmao they played with fire

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

''that the entire universe revolved around them'' sooo... i wont say wich real life group that reminds of but considering the tragic short term memory of its leaders and how history played out...

[@talyn3932]

It will be an easy win comrade We are the victim help us! 😂

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@JRRodriguez-nu7po]

A lot of these stories remind me of the old country song; "the Coward if the County" and of me. I was around 11yo when the teen American gang that ruled our hood managed to surround me. From the time I was a 9yo homeless Spanish speaking legal immigrant in NYC early 60s; I had always managed to avoid and run away from the gangs. I was fast ony feet and remain very aware of my surroundings even when asleep (you learn or you die). I was forced to fight the leader, bare handed. He awoke a few days later in the hospital after his spleen and half a liver had been removed. I can kick, oh boy can I kick, because outrunning everyone builds muscles. Im not a gym guy, but much later in my mid teens a friend took me to a gym. Having found the maximum the machine had to be far too easy, I added 3 100 pound plates to the front and proceeded to do 20 reps, no problem. Everyone came over to ask what was I. You see, my quads aren't impressive. In fact all my muscles hang loos and appear weak. I don't exercise, at all. If you see the serious athletic, they're not that ripped. Healthy musclebis not for show, it isn't full of scars like body builers. In my sixties now, and I can still put my forearm between my wife of 39 years and lift her with one arm, though now with effort. She protests and pretends to be upset ...as she drips on my foream when I carry her to the bedroom. Do not judge a book by the cover. Don't think that because I am typing here that my IQ is below 150, or that my yearly income twice than in Ks. All this could be crap typed by an incrl...or by an MD and biochemist with 4 children. You don't know.

[@norneaernourn8240]

Look, when you go to a restaurant, you don't get to have a tour of the kitchen.

[@coreycochran3983]

good one

[@zytherioszytherion7485]

Don't touch my boats!

[@Misakii_Chaan]

F****d around and found out

[@anathardayaldar]

Satisfying.

[@month32]

The one that wrote this needs to edit his writings, or give them to an editor.

[@KaiHenningsen]

Or even use autocorrect.

[@whiterabbit75]

It was making my red pen hand itchy.

[@paulqueripel3493]

Dammit, why can nobody spell rogue?🙂

[@emptor01]

fun story. needs a spell check and a bit of editing to clean it up though (eg it should have been 'wept' not 'weaped'

[@patrickdurham8393]

Spelling is important.

[@Reh8111]

Interesting story but there were a few appalling spelling mistakes. No spell checker ???????????

[@shadmansudipto7287]

Stop trading because there is war? Dumb story. Edit: I was wrong

[@rrahh8789]

Not really. Trading during war opens up your empire to a loss in ships, cargo and people. Unless you have the navy to defend your merchant fleet adequately, just park your ships out of the way so you don’t have to worry about them getting destroyed, your cargo getting stolen and your people getting killed or enslaved. It’s simple logistics.

[@Nempo13]

Most every country stops trading during war unless they need war materials from somewhere else. The businesses that used to trade usually get drafted and paid to be internal material transport for the war effort. WW2 epitomizes this. America only exported war material (even the food it exported was to allies as part of the war effort). The trade it did with Canada during that time was because Canada needed war material, Mexico provided us with a lot of raw material for excess food in that time as well. We didn't trade outside of the Americas much as Nazi sympathizers were found in South America semi often and we even had to send our Military covertly into Brazil to kill a group of Nazis. Americans learn so much about the war afar, but they teach so very little of what war time at home was really like. Look at Russia, it is only able to trade in certain places while fighting Ukraine. Most places west of it hate Russia so it gets no trade there, it cannot use shipping lanes going west as Ukraine's allies intercept their trade ships and inspect them. East is Alaska which Russia has been afraid of entering it's waters for a LONG time. South is North Korea, not exactly a great trade partner and only able to buy small amounts of stuff, China which is trying to distance from Russia technologically, India which has given up trading with Russia in favor of South Korea and France, leaving mostly only the Middle East to trade with and they have their own problems and aren't willing to buy much military tech from Russia thanks to what the Ukrainian conflict is showing. Military tech has been Russia's primary trade for a long while, that and booze. Ukraine is showing how weak their tech is which is causing a lot of problems. Internally Russia also has Siberia (which makes up 2/3rd of Russia) wanting to form it's own country as well farther making trade during wartime even less of a smart thing. When you are in true war, known as 'total war', anything that doesn't help the war effort is usually stopped or severely cut back. The entire economy shifts to a war economy. Energy needs to be used for the war, anything that cuts into that energy gets heavily taxed and reprimanded to the point it is cheaper for a company to just shut down for 4-5 years than run for 6 months. If a company can they shift to making war material and the military buys it. Trade isn't a concept in total war, there is only the war and anyone not wholly dedicated to it is likely to get a bullet without any justice department caring. Again, in WW2 more than one person was shot for speaking anti-war propaganda in the states and the people who did the shooting were never prosecuted, were never even cuffed. Cops showed up, saw who it was, thanked the person and took the body away. During total war you are either a patriot or an enemy, fence sitters get shot alongside the enemy.

[@jahtaro1941]

Author needs to learn to proofread..

[@johndoe-o8i4i]

TURNS OUT this writer is trash. Surprised there wasn't a forced interjection of some female hero, as is typical of the other poorly written scifi in HFY. I think the most laughable one was when the humans were hunting down the royal family of the species that assaulted them in some galactic federation, and the final showdown was when the prince landed his ship on some planet that effectively destroyed advanced tech with ionic storms. The humans sent a single "warrior", some woman, to "persistence hunt" the prince by chasing him for 10 years. Absolute tripe, lol.

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

I came away with that was the ultimate insult to the royal because we sent a weak arsed woman after him. He wasn't even worth the effort of sending a REAL soldier to hunt him down.