Beware of Spiritual Manipulation Used to Control You (Or To Deceive YOURSELF)

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***
There are dozens of little sayings that SOUND wise but are actually not true. Spiritual bypass is a way to avoid reality, manipulate others, and justify exploitation and self-defeating behaviors. If you've internalized these beliefs, you may be using them to justify terrible decisions. In this video I describe several common ideas that masquerade as "wisdom" but will actually leave you broke, alone, and confused.
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[@sandyboffa]

Yep!!! Got sucked into a cult for many years after massive amount of childhood trauma, honestly it's a miracle and testament to my strength of spirit that I got out! I'm learning to trust my own instincts, turns out they are very good⭐️❤️💪🏼

[@parklady4233]

I have been afraid all my adult life of getting caught up in a cult. Because, I know I would love it! Of course, till I didn’t. Cults are very attractive - the community and someone telling me they know what to do and how to live.

[@cattifyed]

That's amazing. Nothing feels better than experiencing the taste of your own good judgement after years of being mired in aggressively controlling bullshit. You are incredibly smart and strong

[@seabreeze4559]

nobody should wanna switch off your self preservation

[@seabreeze4559]

@@parklady4233 stockholm fantasy

[@parklady4233]

@@seabreeze4559 yes, probably. I already had the real thing with my family.

[@TopSecretInformations]

IF you have limerence .. beware of Tarot / Twin flame BS.

[@sunnydaye5942]

Thank you. I was told that I asked for all I got in bad relationships. Even subconsciously asked to be treated badly. I manifested it somehow. What a cop out. It was crap fitting for sure. How about this one, "You will continue to go through it until you learn the lesson." Well, I learned WHO to stay away from, anything Toxic I turn away from quickly. I Learned that much now.

[@mariep.2004]

It always gets me when toxic and abusive people try to convince us that they're doing us some kind of favor by teaching us some sort of life lesson. People like that can't even get their own lives together, so there's nothing of value that they can possibly have to "teach" anyone else. 🤣 Furthermore, the fact that they think them being a "lesson" is somehow a good thing is hilariously telling. By their own logic, if they're the so-called "lesson" then they're ALSO the problem. 🙃 So that's already not aging well for them. 🤡🤡🤡 In any case, you've never deserved to be treated so horribly, and it's unconscionable that anyone would dare suggest you somehow did. The ONLY people "manifesting" abuse are the abusers themselves every time they choose to harm their victims. You are NEVER to blame for that, and wherever you are I'm proud of you for rising to the occasion and choosing yourself over the lies such people have told you. I hope you're proud of yourself too, because it shows that despite the twists and turns life may have taken, and despite the confusion you may have experienced from the terrible things others have projected onto you, deep down you've always known the truth: that you ARE worthy of love; you have unbreakable dignity; you deserve to be treated with the same consideration and respect you show to others; you are strong, resilient, capable; and you're WAY too intelligent to be insulted by the suggestion that you "need" to "learn" anything from anyone who made it their mission to destroy you. ✨🤍🌿🕊️✨

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

That sounds like victim blaming, though the second phrase does kind of make sense - it reminds me of “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.”

[@cherylduckworth8185]

I was married to someone for over a decade that did not feel right. We just carried on. Later in life, as I learned so much more about people and myself and became aware of what is right for me and what is a crapfit, I met with him briefly and very large bells and red flags went off and I wondered how I ever endured that? I feel as I have gotten older I would not put up with that for even an hour let alone over a decade.

[@mariesprowl2348]

I hear ya . The wisdom of an older woman.

[@Juniperus_Godegara]

The paintful spot with these manipulations is that they do hold truth and if they are used by true, healthy people at the right time, they are truly healing thoughts.

[@mcdonols]

This is powerful! I feel validated. I have taken for granted all the little superstitions I carry with me. Life is unpredictable and complicated enough, I don’t have to add the extra burden of spiritualizing everything. I feel like we do this so we feel we’re in control, but it really just makes everything more difficult!

[@biondna7984]

This is timely. I have a valued teacher who repeats to me that we "manifest what we think of." I know there's some truth to that, but I have to cut it off there, because I know that one thing I think about is a viable fear. Stuffing that fear down isn't making it go away. I'm looking for a more concrete coping strategy for this. The lesson for me is to not easily accept "maxims."

[@theatrerimbaud3672]

My therapist told me that not allowing yourself to feel things like fear and trying to suppress them actually makes them worse and the key is to acknowledge the difficult feeling and accept it (e.g. "I feel scared and it's okay,") allow yourself to feel it but also find ways to ground yourself and calm down, self soothe, etc. I don't know if that information will be helpful for you but it's been helping me so I wanted to pass it on just in case. I really hope you can live a life with less fear soon.

[@badbeachindustry1615]

Being self aware is accepting your hard past. You create your future and you deserve to have and work towards good things. ❤️💕

[@mp-pl8rw]

If we just think about how many terrible thoughts we've had in the course of our lives that never actually happened we immediately understand how silly such statements are....

[@mariesprowl2348]

Your so articulate and spot on. The spiritual magical thinking yup - twin flames, soul mates, cosmic reunions (that one really worked on me) Churches, 12 Step and meditation classes can attract those types - no place is safe.

[@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa]

Hold on mama - “ No Place is safe” is/can be an extremely slippery slope , for some one who may be in a vulnerable state, in or near isolation due to abuse, Depression, CPTSD… but, before i react, i want to reflect on my instinct. Because you are right: No place is safe BECAUSE every sector of society, every place, can contain abusers/manipulators: by virtue of all types of people walking around and existing, doing their thing, you will find all kinds of people around, Even the abusers. Hell, they’re in your supermarkets. Your schools. They can be ANYONE. But that’s Not what we/ YOU exist for. You have it backwards YOU are Safe. You do not have to stay on high alert for THOSE people. YOU’RE not alive to be only aware, or scared, of the possible abusers. However, let’s be sure, Instead of isolating FROM those sectors of society, including church, Therapy, 12 step: You live for Love, and decency, and dignity, and good friends; and those things exist everywhere too. For every disgusting, or scary person there are 5 more who are good. At baseline, Normal. I don’t revolve my life around the lowest around me: I surround myself with Good. I will continue to do good, in spite of what lives inside of me. I will continue to surround myself with those who are good, n i will protect what is Good and precious in this world, including myself. Like Anna says, the world needs you right now We will Recognize WHO is unsafe; but YOU are Safe, with yourself, No matter what. You will protect yourself. ❤

[@lilafeldman8630]

I've been in some fundamentalist Christian churches where this stuff happened to me. I struggled to see how 12-step groups become problematic, maybe it just hasn't happened to me.

[@mariesprowl2348]

@@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa Yes I agree thank you. I’m fine now, was just reflecting on where the so called spiritual predators were that I encountered two times, decades ago since it pertained to this video’s topic 😊

[@roseofsharon7551]

@@lilafeldman8630 I can attest to it. They are out there!! Like Anna, I was unfamiliar with addiction issues and had no idea how manipulative addicts had learned to be to get their fixes. Recovering addicts sometimes exchange drugs for power over others, proclaiming they are in recovery. Spiritual manipulation is an egregious assault on another. The leader of my Celebrate Recovery group became so enmeshed in my life; I was struggling and, as Anna stated, was willing to overlook red flags for a tiny morsel of hope that God had brought a comforter, a friend, a mentor into my life.

[@lilafeldman8630]

@@roseofsharon7551 religious addiction

[@SweetUniverse]

It's also hard to see someone wonderful doing crap-fit so they don't have to be alone or they're afraid of being alone & then ultimately they end up alone, broke & hurt when the crappy person leaves, anyway.

[@designchik]

My most-hated line from people in my life is “everything happens for a reason.” I want to scream every time I hear it; yeah, being told by my father that I’m ugly and a loser was how it’s supposed to be. Another one is “it’s all good.” No, it is decidedly NOT all good. 😏

[@johnkim134]

Just had to chime in: “everything happens for a reason”, and sometimes that reason is that there is evil in the world, and people do evil, hurtful things for who knows what reason. Not everything happens to us in the world “for our benefit”; sometimes, life really does suck and we’re left to pick up the pieces of someone or something else’s actions.

[@designchik]

@@johnkim134 Good point, John. Thank you; yes, sometimes things and people do just suck. There is no rhyme and reason to why some people luck out in life and others don’t. My father treated me badly because he was a traumatised war veteran. He didn’t deserve that outcome, nor did I, but it’s what happened.

[@johnkim134]

@@designchik I’m sorry you had to go through that; you definitely did not deserve or, worse, “attract” that into your life. In my case, both my parents were survivors of war, and their family units were dysfunctional on top of that. I would definitely say none of us deserved or “attracted” what we got, but it was the hand we were dealt anyway.

[@designchik]

@@johnkim134 I agree, and I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through as well. We’re all here trying to heal, and I’m so grateful to have found Anna and this community of survivors.

[@jenniferconley9591]

He has issues within himself that he hasn’t healed..I promise it’s not you .

[@ajustcauseproduction]

This is such a valuable series of insights and is balm to my spirit right now, Anna. Thank you! OMG... "You're right where you need to be." NO - we're grown ups and we can trust how our emotional reactions are part of our onboard navigation systems. We can trust our own perceptions - not resorting to reading the tea leaves. Thank you!

[@LauraBeckerReal]

I'm sorry to everyone who has experienced this sort of abuse, it is one of the most traumatizing and confusing things one can go through. Everything Anna described happened to me 2 years ago, and man have I had to do some serious work to understand what reality is and how to move forward from CPTSD and the PTSD from that spiritual manipulation. Never again, though. I'm committed to the relationship with myself and forces of good in the universe.

[@sunnyadams5842]

YaY! You comment gave me a good feeling. Thanks 🙏

[@negakirine]

This is literally what happened to me! I was manipulated and coerced to stay in a cult for (too) many years. The person leading said cult was devious enough to take advantage of the fact that I had a rough childhood (and subsequently developed magical thinking as a form of protecting/detaching myself from what was happening) and a severe medical condition to which doctors couldn't find a cause at the time. He used the meditation technique he was teaching and the philosophy surrounding it -heavily based on Buddhism- to explain things that were in fact unexplainable; words such as "karma" and "family karma", "evil entities", "negative reactions", "attachment" became his weapons and tools for manipulation. This person used spiritual bypass and several people inside his community, to trap me there (I had only planed to stay there for one year, as a sort of hiatus after uni), then wore me down, broke my defenses and abused and took advantage of me for years.... and at the same time convinced me that it was all part of a "karmic cleansing". Humiliation and guilt tripping about things he claimed that only he is able to perceive were part of his method. It was all sustained by his inner circle. Going to the doctor was frowned upon - you were supposed to meditate yourself into health, plus do sketchy "spiritual" techniques. The kids were not allowed in state school, under the pretense that the are being "homeschooled"... which they weren't. The living conditions were filthy. I could go on.... Yes, my bells were ringing all the time, but I was too exhausted to listen to them. As soon as I managed to get proper rest, I started to wake up and eventually I got out of there. After five years, the time I needed to process everything, I pressed official charges against him, together with five other people, for emotional blackmail, modern slavery, sexual harassment and coercion. I did it because nobody else would, although it was difficult and took a serious toll on me. He died during the trial, which is the best thing he ever did with his life.

[@theoriginalskinsey]

I grew up in the cult of evangelical Christian fundamentalism and waa groomed to never trust my feelings or my own reasoning. Also dealing with a dysfunctional family and childhood trauma boy did that ever set me up to be a shell of a person, with no personal agency! My entire adulthood has been sich a struggle with anxiety and depression, religious fundamentalism is EVIL. Telling a kid they are born evil and sinful and their very feelings and reason are not to be trusted if they conflict with the church's teachings, or the evangelical mainstreams bigotry, what a nightmare. So so glad to be breaking free from this religious bondage. This has been a final key for healing CPTSD for me. I now TRUST my feelings, I trust logic. What freedom!!!!

[@pamelacollins1153]

After my husband died, I got involved in what turned out to be a psychotherapy cult for 4 years. Any thoughts that questioned his teachings, or even our dreams, he said came from resistance to God’s will, from the adversary. I got myself out but had terrible PTSD until I successfully sued him.

[@liamalexanian3118]

Hi Pamela. I was also in a cult based on psychotherapy. I am considering suing the psychotherapist and am wondering if you would be willing to tell me what you did in more detail. Please feel free to not if you don’t want to. If you are willing, I can give you my email.

[@truthseeker3773]

Interesting, I had siblings that joined a cult, Mormon Church. As I read someone's comment below, who mentioned Jehovah Witness leaders say not to question them. Mormon leaders also say, "when the prophet speaks, the thinking has been done". That's crazy and not for me.

[@joeljoy4144]

Days after this video was posted, a great religious revival broke out at a small Christian university in Asbury, Kentucky. Spiritual seekers from all over the country have descended upon this tiny community's, pop. 6,000, for a deeper experience of God's presence. The verdict is still out on the significance of this Asbury Revival. But, people like us, with C-PTSD, tend to gravitate toward these movements. Reminds me of the outpouring of the Jesus' Movement of 1970 as a backlash to the emptiness of Eastern occultism, drugs, sex, and psychedelic rock of the 1960s, especially in places like coastal California and the S.F. Bay areas.

[@gracepurcell7825]

I NEED a support group for people who's parents didn't protect them or minimized anything bad that happened to them by saying, " that's a lesson you must of signed up for before incarnating this time around" I literally want to scream at them now..I'm a human child and needed your protection. I feel that the spiritual bypassing my parents did had a bigger negative affect than the actual abuse I went through. To feel you can never go to your parents for help is heartbreaking 💔

[@HereticHer]

I genuinely appreciate the validation you gave in this video. Thank you.

[@teknophyle1]

reasons why my faith transition started at the same time I started learning about CBT and CPTSD

[@AthenaIsabella]

Thank you for this. I can fall into this and have been taken advantage of people like this. I’m also a God person but I can get carried away. I tried to do a juice fast for three days before an interview but broke when I went out with friends and they offered me pizza. I automatically got scared I wouldn’t get the job anymore. I’m super ready for the job and qualified! I also forgive myself for breaking my fast and know God still loves me.

[@mamaurku]

I don't think "spiritual bypassing" is the same as "spiritual manipulation." Both are very real but different phenomenon. "Spiritual bypassing" is when a troubled or unhappy person isn't ready to do the work of facing hard truths about themselves and their lives, so they turn to spiritual practices, traditions, teachings, etc. as a way to further postpone that necessary work. They claim to have reached some kind of elevated spiritual state that they haven't actually reached. People who are doing "spiritual bypassing" typically surround themselves and present themselves with the symbols of that spiritual practice or religion: setting up an altar in their home, praying or chanting in public, wearing a necklace with a Christian cross or maybe a bird feather as their earring, getting spiritual symbol tattoos, having many books about their beliefs visible in their home, leading circles or study groups, greeting people who have no idea what it means with "namaste," etc. Their immersion in the external symbols and public practices of the religion or spiritual practice distracts them from getting to the source of their emotional pain and despair so they can't heal. That is the bypass.

[@imatruthseeker4094]

Thank you for this video!

[@soultraveler1111]

Thank you, Fairy for all the great work and encouraging 🥰💓🙏

[@lorianmona3316]

Its a Spiritual world guys…

[@ShinyAvalon]

There _is_ legitimate use to the “get out of your mind, focus on your body” advice…one, for example, is when you’re meditating. You just need to have firm boundaries about it. The primary rule I have for the “Ben Kenobi” advice (“Let go your conscious self and act on instinct”) is: NEVER do it when someone _wants_ something from you. It could be money, or flattery, or sex, or any other thing that they really seem to want…it doesn’t matter. If the results of their advice would be especially beneficial to them, be suspicious. If the advice is actually useful, then you _should_ be able to get the same benefit from going away and trying it on your own, away from the person…possibly with someone you truly trust assisting you instead. If the person advising “stop thinking” is sincere, then they shouldn’t object to you trying it on your own…they should just be glad you're doing something beneficial to you. So, if they pressure you to only do it with them involved, then be _doubly_ suspicious. And if they try to use fear to motivate you (“demons could invade you if you meditate the ‘wrong way’”), then run, do not walk, away, because they are full of shite. They might even believe their own shite, but they are still full of it.

[@willmurphy6663]

Thanks Anna My 'spiritual bipass' is a different example. I got it from Dr Alan Berger, 12 stepper/psychologist and writer on emotional sobriety. He talks on the phenomenon in 12 step of not really dealing with your emotions, of 'putting them in the god box', handing them over but not facing your feelings...... that is my slightly different take on spiritual bipass.....

[@MorganJServices]

One of the greatest gifts of wisdom imparted to me was the knowledge that my chosen religious text was not meant to be used as a weapon against my hurting soul. In my case it is the Christian Bible.

[@scinformation7229]

Ah... living with evil born agains in Musgrove Road.

[@shannonattridge7170]

I think about the unfortunate people on the doomed airplane over Nepal-- what was the Universe doing there?

[@helenmorgan1807]

As much as I loathe myself, somehow, no one else will do more damage. I won't get close enough. I cannot be spiritually manipulated. God won't have it.

[@jerrodlopes186]

Looking through the comments below I see a lot of people running and isolating from the very love and healing they seek by justifying it through a bad experience elsewhere. I honestly don't think that this video was a good idea. I know that the intentions were good, but evidently the results, going by the comments, were not.

[@pumpyourselfup7683]

I stopped going to church in 2016 after a friend sent me videos that explains the cults behind most religions. I'm glad I stopped attending sooner than later.

[@Badassmotherhugger]

I appreciate you so much. I really needed to hear all of this

[@JasonSavorn]

NLP (neural linguistic programming) is the scientific/ biological way of reprogramming you paradigm. It’s 100% based upon your desired outcome and what you want to see in the mirror. By turning to The Bible / other religious texts people are choosing to reprogram their minds to be in alignment with their faith. This is abundantly clear to be the instruction in theChristian faith and can be seen throughout both the Old and New Testaments. To your point, when people seek man’s teachings or interpretation, they are most certainly going to fall victim to manipulation (same goes for politics).

[@DosBear]

For Anna: I agree with the existence of Good and Evil but isn't it odd how, God is Good without an 'o' and Devil is Evil without the 'D'. I'll stick with logic and that this whole concept was a creation of man and leave it at that. Best of luck with whatever you believe. The truth is it not important as long as you're tyring to be a good person and I think you are. Cheers.

[@siennaprice1351]

Some of these, I respectfully disagree. You should live in the moment, and, yes, you should be careful what you wish for. I say this because last year, my mom had Covid, and I kept saying, I wish it would’ve been me that had Covid, and then what happened? I got Covid, and I felt like a ding-dong for wishing that. But you are allowed to have your opinion on this topic. I’m not taking this away from you at all. It’s your life, it’s your opinion, and I refuse to shove mine down other people’s throats. Now, I will say that a few toxic things you shouldn’t say is, when you get angry, you’re sinning. Or, if you make a right choice, you’ll go to heaven, but if you make a wrong choice, you’ll end up in hell. That’s a very toxic thing to say to someone with trauma. Or, just pray, it’ll work right away if you just pray for it to be taken away.

[@Jais-u7y]

Jezebel tactics

[@B.LES.S2]

Wow

[@cristinaevans139]

4years in the cult of the assembly’s of god church…4years wasted😢

[@inapickle4971]

I fell for the cult of Jehovahs Witnesses. The leaders, called the Governing Body, tell the members to listen to them and follow any command that they give “even if it doesn’t make sense from a human perspective” because they are God’s channel of communication and they speak for God. I woke up from the indoctrination when I was forced to do something against my core values, they wanted me to shun my son who left the religion, and I wouldn’t do it. Now I’m shunned by my 2 other JW children because I told them it wasn’t the truth and the trauma cycle continues 😢. Please, be so very careful out there if you have CPTSD…you are vulnerable and groups like this WILL ruin your life and your family’s lives.

[@faithandgrace8244]

I too was a Jehovah's Witness. Horrible experience, total mind control and brainwashing. Two of my children are still in the cult.

[@sarahhh5104]

I was raised Jehovah’s Witness😢 it is the root of my CPTSD from Social Evaluative Threat .

[@sarahhh5104]

It tore my family apart and stole my childhood :(

[@inapickle4971]

@@sarahhh5104 I understand 💔. I’m sending you love and hoping you’re taking care of yourself and you’re on a healing journey. It’s not easy but worth it. ❤️

[@sarahhh5104]

@@inapickle4971 it’s criminal what they do to peoples lives !! :( the governing body should be sued and arrested ! Plus all of the countless child molestation allegations that were covered up by the Elders ! I’m sending you lots of love 💕 as well and praying that your children will open their hearts and no longer shun you !! It’s not fair the strangle hold this Governing body has on our loved ones ! I live w my JW dad and I know when his time comes they will hijack his wake and make it all about their agenda and not about his life and loved ones . Ugh I hate them so much .

[@badpoetry33]

The one I hate is “everything happens for a reason.” The most uncompassionate shitty way to invalidate what someone is going through.

[@sevenseconds8652]

I met Jesus and for the first time I've known what it means to be loved properly. I realized that I was surrounded by toxic people and got away from them. Now I'm building new healthy relationships and I'm not letting anyone fool me. I feel like the luckiest person on the planet ☺️☺️☺️🙏💖💖💖

[@dymesmimi]

Aw good

[@spencerirving3192]

Awsome 🙌👍

[@rlud304]

That’s called magical thinking

[@waynesmith8827]

@@rlud304 magical thinking can’t help you when a demons tormenting you in your mind and you spent 3 years of your life as a lunatic talking to yourself yes like one of those crazy people did it for 3 years i I’d walk around from morning to night having nightmares every night for almost a year 🥱 magical thinking isn’t enough for certain life experiences Been there did it jesus was the only one who kept me going Buddy

[@rlud304]

@@waynesmith8827 Good thing you don’t rely on magical thinking lol

[@tracyzimmerman7912]

I'm a spiritual person and my beliefs vary. I no longer follow this is the only way. I look at the fruit that's produced from said beliefs or ways of thinking. I take into account of how I'm being treated. I take into account how others are being treated. I had been in a cult like church in my twenties. I questioned nothing because I was brought up not to question. Questioning was bad. It was there way or the highway. I was abused in many different ways as a child an grew up thinking something was really wrong with me. I grew up not even knowing what boundaries were because my were violated all the time. I grew up as an object not a person. Yes I made my mistakes because I grew up learning others knew better than me. However now I pay attention to my intuition and my heart. Know one knows me better than me. I define myself.

[@HereForTheCatContent]

I relate to so much of what you wrote in this comment! My dad's a small-town pastor and both my parents had their own childhood junk and were emotionally immature. Lots of toxic stuff has happened in our family, our family's churches, churches I went to without them, and my other relationships. I started to explore other belief systems because of all the toxicity in church, but I"ve discovered at least as much in other traditions. I've found a few gems like yoga, meditating, self love, emotional regulation, etc. I can't really do church anymore but I'm starting to return to my foundational beliefs about God and spirituality on my own. I'm happy for both our healing and everyone's!

[@MissVonutube]

I've known that for years in what I call a cult, they know your a victim. They see your brokenness and fill you with more shame.

[@shaunaireland7781]

Yeah buying into the new age law of attraction/astrology has really made me confused in my life .

[@jordans797]

Healthy spirituality and self development helps you to hone your intuition to know what you can and cannot change, and how best to work thru what you cannot, it is incredibly powerful but sadly so overshadowed by manipulative bad actors who only want power and control, I don't even share my practices most of the time anymore because people are reasonably repulsed by all the bad out there, thank you for speaking on this.

[@VashtiPerry]

This video is right on time. As I was journaling this morning I reflected on this experience I had with a “friend” and pastor. Years I wasted in agony and praying to get free. Every time God showed me an open door I just ignored it because I felt I had to be loyal. I’m so glad I’m out here healing.

[@writeousrhema]

I feel this!

[@NationandState]

OMG that sounds so hard. I really feel your comment. It sounds so painful.

[@H0kram]

From my experience, in difficult times, stick to people you already have a trusted relationship with. A reasonnable person who is new in your life will respect a boundary with you. So does a close friend, for that matter. So if a new person in your life, tries hard to give you support, even though you don't know each other, that's a no go. Be careful. A good person will actually give you space with your problems and no easy solutions to them. And let's be honest, hardship is not attractive, it's not a good sign if someone is really after you while you're going through grief, or dealing with your demons. It doesn't make any sense to be pursued in such times. And I know how hard things can be, especially with grief, you have to go through the pain, not alone, but you have to. That's not what support looks like, someone who cares won't try to replace yourself in the major role, of handling your life. Nothing that matters is easy.

[@MagdalenaM71]

Love your comment and also the way it is written.

[@chaz7604]

Totally agree. You don’t have to be fully healed to make new connections whatsoever but when people try to rescue you or fix you it implies that you’re broken and don’t have the autonomy to make decisions for yourself. Even if those decisions may be perceived as harmful, they are yours to make and yours alone. We often just want someone to empathise and listen and maybe ask why so we can answer that ourselves and course correct if we choose to. The pressure it puts on someone already feeling like crap to be “everything” when you’re grieving or in a mess is so unhelpful and can make you worse. I’ve done this to people in the past thinking I was doing right by them and learned my lesson from having it done to me and it’s not nice and actually more damaging. People can only change when they are ready and it’s not down to anyone else to determine what is in someone’s best interests or not because they are not you. They just want you to be the best version of you FOR THEM. Expectations are horrible things. Everyone has needs but to try and mould and berate someone into who they want is so unfair to another human soul and especially to those who are struggling. Everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment even if it seems like they’re not. ❤

[@Norton57]

What happens in vagueness stays in vagueness

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

LOL!

[@karumina]

But being in your body is actually trusting your instincts and willing to listen to them and act on them, or at least I think that's what it means

[@anncat1111]

A part of this reminded me of the time I realised there's a big difference between what IS a lesson from abusive relationships and what isn't: When you realise you're in a bad relationship and therefore what a good one probably is and that you could be not in a bad one and at some point be in a nice good one, and you make changes towards that direction, that is taking the opportunity to use it as a lesson. However, if you realise you're in a bad relationship and you think 'oh this must be a lesson for me, I'll stick around and see what I can learn inside of the bad relationship' then you haven't got the major lesson yet. I did the second one first and stuck around for 'lessons' until I learned the real lesson, which was to decide not to accept this and get into a better situation! And yes there were people telling me being in a bad relationship was the lesson, but realising I could leave and have better was always the lesson I was meant to get to. Then when I found I was drifting into another bad relationship, and the person wasn't able to grow with me into a good relationship, I knew the path was to leave, and left quite a bit more 'on time'. Now I'm with a good person and we are growing together, on a base of mutual kindness, respect, compassion, and it's great figuring out how be myself and keep learning and doing my own work, and to balance support we give and receive from each other while we journey forward on our own paths and our 3rd shared path. Boundaries has been one of the biggest ongoing lessons for me in all my relationships.

[@1_John_2_27]

I found out all religions are a crap fit for me. I'm not exactly fond of the way so many people fight for their right to be part of their humanity abusing religions (all religions are abusive). Only God is a True fit. We're all gods, children of the Most High. God made us all in His/Her image...FREE, NOT SLAVES of manipulators and religious hypocrites masquerading as servants of God. God dwells in us, not in crime infested religions.

[@insoromanoworries7923]

God bless you, Anna, for all you do.. It's really sad that after all the childhood trauma , now in adulthood suffer more abuse. Sad!. Thanks for all you do. Your free videos on KZbin are golden. God reward you. Virtual hugs to you and your team

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you!

[@johnkim134]

This video definitely applies to me. I have been guilty of a lot of the erroneous thinking you talked about in this video like “everything happens for a reason” or that somehow I attracted all the bad things into my life. It’s a miracle that I did not get deceived into something more horrible like a cult or some large-scale scam. Thankfully, I would like to think I know better now, but it’s always good to get a reminder of these sorts of erroneous and potentially dangerous lines of thought.

[@shimmime]

Multilevel marketeers play this game. First they big you up and sell you something that's too good to be true. When you give them your money and ask them for clarity, they get irritated and make you feel like you're too stupid to get it or are too left-brained. I fell for this twice; I lost a lot of money the first time and less money the second time. Never again will I get sucked into this.

[@HereticHer]

On my deceased son's anniversary of his passing last year, my aelf described new age friend said to me "well... what you resist persists! " No just no... it is called grief and loss full stop. She is no longer a trusted friend.

[@ljones98391]

@HereticHer. How painful and callous. I've heard so much of this sort of thing I have no tolerance for any more. I'm so sorry you were assaulted with this. Some of the worst statements to me were also from "trusted friends" who thought themselves gurus.

[@HereticHer]

@@ljones98391 thank you i appreciate your validation.

[@bernadette573]

I'm two anniversaries from my brother's passing, and people can make grief almost impossible to process with their tripe. Very few people know how to console or comfort. The best response I've had was, "It must be hard," and then the person hurried away, but it was ok because 1) they acknowledged the sorrow and 2) they knew they had no capacity to actually listen, which is human.

[@franciscoramirezespanagarc7974]

It’s true that the things that happen to us are in the service our our evolution and learning. However, abusive people use this as the perfect excuse to their actions. From narcissists, I’ve learned to stand up for myself, set boundaries, value good people and to treat people in a considerate and respectful way.

[@rlud304]

“In the service of our evolution?” No there’s no magical plan to “serve” our evolution. That’s called magical thinking which is fine if you’re a young child but as adults we are supposed to have developed rational thinking. We’re not that important that there’s some universal plan for us. That’s absurd. We are each smaller than a speck of dust and are alive for a blink of an eye compared to how long life has existed.

[@franciscoramirezespanagarc7974]

@@rlud304 I totally respect your opinion

[@Merzui-kg8ds]

Ain't just "New Age" dogma that leads to spiritual bypass. I was raised Catholic and was taught the "sacrament of marriage" is waaaaaaaaay more important than your mental health inside that marriage.

[@hiddenechoes]

Has anyone watched Dead to Me? This reminds me of the relationship between Steve and Judy and Judy and anyone basically. And how even though Jenn was harsh she eventually helped Judy learn boundaries while she learned some of the softness? Anyone else thinking about that show in context of spiritual bypass and the latching onto crumbs Judy and others of us like her experience?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I loved that show. And yes, it shows two traumatized personalities who are lovable all the same

[@chaz7604]

I LOVE this programme so much. I feel like both the characters combined into one. I was Judy and recently became Jen and then flip flip browser the both. When it ended I cried and felt like I could release and integrate both characters within myself to become a more balanced individual that can have kindness and strength without being an empathic codependent or a raging monster! However the level of forgiveness in that show and compassion is something I still think is beautiful in a world where a few false moves or mistakes can get you thrown away as a narcissist or a bunch of walking red flags. I loved the fact they both learned from one another and became better people for it, but truly accepted them for their trauma and grief and as Jen says “the only person who doesn’t make me feel like I’m failing”. To have such love in your life at such difficult times when you’re bloody difficult yourself is a gift that cannot be bought or bettered. ❤

[@lc5666]

There's this sickly turbo-hope feeling that I get when I'm interacting with an addict. So often in my life I found myself around people who would create huge problems while watching my face the whole time, ostentatiously placing themselves in need of rescue, and then thrashing around until I dropped everything to help them. Everyone seemed to think I came to earth to be their mom. It took me several false starts, but now I can see that kind of dynamic coming from far away, when someone starts spinning a sob story and then trying to offload their responsibility for themselves onto me. It's such a burden and it's something I was raised to do from when I could first walk and talk -- my mom told me when I was a you g child that god's purpose for me was to listen and help. After all that, I'm grateful I only had one disaster marriage before I was able to see more clearly. Yikes and good riddance to all of it!!

[@leticiatoraci9855]

Awesome video, there are so many twisted beliefs out there and so many people who are living a trash situation because they believe they must do that. A lot of people I know tell me I would get many friends if I joined their religion, it is so manipulative. Thankfully I saw that for what it is and stayed clear of that.

[@will89687]

Decades ago after I had gone through a really bad breakup and lost my job I was "taken in" by the Boston Church of Christ, who were recruiting at a local college campus. This was in an era before you could easily research cults online and avoid the pitfalls. The fellowship seemed inviting at first, but the relentless love bombing set off alarm bells. I managed to get out before I was completely sucked in, but it was touch and go for a while.

[@HereticHer]

Unity church told me i choose to be abused not just from manifesting but i had chosen my parents prebirth in order to "learn those lessons. " That did not help me not at all

[@serenitylumbard1888]

This reminds me of a woman on youtube called Esther hicks that tells people we asked to be abused in a past life to learn lessons or some such nonsense. I believed that way for a while and now I see its nonsense and a further reflection of magical thinking/continuation of the shame cycle. And honestly I see her as a deluded, insane, abusive, cult leader bur maybe I'm going to far lol.....in the least I don't like it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I was told as a teenager I asked to be born to my parents, it's some peoples way of feeling better (I guess) but it didn't work well for me. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@krobbins8395]

Not all spiritual teachings are bad I remember one I came across about mirrors that we can associate our mothers with mother nature since as a child they determined our survival but our fathers especially for women can mirror our relationship with God due to power structures. If your father supported you in your personal power and sense of self you would feel like God or the universe is supporting you. If your mother provides care and nourishment you feel like the universe provides for your personal survival. God is good and those instincts that something is not right for you does make for a better life to do and be the good person you are. I feel the same with addicts I understand them don't hate them but I tend to try and save them it leads to bad times and trauma and doesn't give me the time to do the things to make positive change in the world. Real spiritual values have helped me a lot but I use discernment to make sure I'm not getting involved with anything that's not empowering and healing towards a person's life.

[@marinaaing5467]

You’re right Anna I thought he was Godsend so tolerated a lot of put downs and criticism which I know are not true and just to make him feel right and I’m wrong. And prayed for strength to stay LOL 😂 it’s been over and he keeps trying to lure me but thanks to you Anna I validated me

[@apple369]

Well, this is now my favourite Crappy Childhood Fairy video! It's so good.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Not that I'm pursuing a relationship,but if I was i would want to in a relationship with a Woman that would share my same interests and see me for my strength of surviving my traumas rather than pity me...

[@saltynsweetnspicy]

100 percent the message CPTSD need to hear. Thank you so much

[@sage9836]

A built in BS detector is a gift from God.

[@newpilgrim]

Get it, sister! I practice Buddhism. Not saying this with designs of recruiting you, but to give a quick context - there's a general idea in the practical application of Buddhism that "if you meet the Buddha, kill him," meaning that no one "out there" can do this spiritual work....yes we need community (sangha), but the 'work' is internal...run from gurus.

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

Yup another ex JW here. Still struggling with Christianity, to know if I believe or not.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This comes up quite a bit in our membership :) bit.ly/CCF-Membership -Cara@TeamFairy

[@sadiaarman363]

When someone has had their perception messed with, which is often the case with people with cptsd, ideas like this can become a kind of magical thinking that keeps you from seeing the obvious, and leaves the door wide open for people who can take something from you, say your money or your hopes for a relationship with them and then totally let you down and say you created some terrible situation yourself bcz you wanted it and they were helping you. Going through this is easier than facing the situation that you are being emotionally ripped off, and that the right thing is to get out of there. Because it scares you, makes you seem foolish and threatens you with being alone. Because you are alone. I am here to help you develop a bullsht detector that will protect you from being sucked into magical thinking thats going to cost you all your boundaries and that good, open hearted possibility of real love: that is inside you. I want to show you how to protect that hope and tenderness inside you bcz that is the very reason why someone is going to fall in love with you. Not bcz you are so good in thriving in bad situations but Bcz you are your real self, worthy of respect. And that you thrives in Reality bcz that you recognizes dishonesty and craves truth. Definitely not some complicated, spiritualized explanation of why its actually good for you to be used by someone. Thats what spiritual bypassing is.

[@melissam.6054]

No matter what the intention is by the person saying it, I observe the end result (the "fruit") remains the same for ALL these sayings: they perpetuate LEARNED HELPLESSNESS .... instead of encouraging & equipping us to be empowered co-creators of our lives, supported & guided by our loving God. (speaking as a scarred-but-joyfully free Overcomer)

[@truestory8021]

a lot of resistance will be felt by many for this video

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

LOL!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@truestory8021 yep. Here come all the people who think I actually just don't understand.

[@FriendofDorothy]

This reminds me of a book I read years ago by Shirley MacLaine, "Out on a Limb". As I recall it said something to the effect that we "choose" our parents, (even if they are abusive). No. Not buying... I relate more to the lyrics of "Riders on the Storm". One day we're two love-birds' dream of having kids, then we are born and handed a script that places us in the role of the abused child, bullied student, etc. Into this life we're born like an actor all alone, a dog without a bone. The good news? We all have the power to edit our scripts and create the healthy script we really want.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

My parents (or at least my adoptive mother) weren’t the absolute worst but I have to wonder if I was high when it came to picking someone to be raised by (and with the added twist of an entirely different couple conceiving me to start with…) wtf was I thinking before I came down here and why didn’t someone stage an intervention?! Lol!

[@MsCaterific]

❤ I was already part of a high demand religion that taught/manipulated me to accept all abuse as my fault.

[@sunnyadams5842]

WoW, Anna!!! That was awesome. I think I have a new favorite Crappy Childhood Fairy video. THAT just filed off some lingering raw, rough spots on my soul. I laughed out loud, I grinned, I thought, I cried - just a little. Now I feel unusually calm and clear! Ah!!😌 Thank -you I love that you are a God person, AND also are a common sense lady, as well. It's a rare and wonderful combo. Your enthusiastic, 'You Get To Do That's', in other videos, and your, 'It's just Not True's', here, really impacted me. I'm ready to write those lists of what I want and what I know I don't wants now! Moving Forward with Clarity.

[@kirstinpilling2638]

This happens ALOT in 12 step programmes

[@emily1645]

Unpopular opinion but the whole "The Universe" is a dangerous thing.

[@sadiaarman363]

Omg Anna!! This happened to me. So I am sitting somewhere in the Indian sub- continent and this spiritually awakened, older, female from the US notices me on facebook and we become friends. Then she is interested to zoom call me and she lectures me and I take notes. I was suffering from very noisy neighbours who were interfering with my rest and sleep, one family of which lived in the opposite building. So this lady tells me this siuation has been created by myself. Now I am a skeptic but curious person, I listen and assess, and dont reject anything outright. So she tells me to ' hipopono" my neighbours, i.e. send them love. Now I have been suffering from their bad behaviour since 2013 and my earnest requests have not yielded desired results. So I am not willing to send them love. And so I tell her, " No. I will not hippopono them." That irritates her and she says, " I am afraid then I am wasting my time. " That superior attitude put my dander up, and the relationship deteriorated. Just to let you know, a month back I sent their landlord a notice stating that I shall proceed to legal action if the noise is not stopped. The result has been most satisfactory.

[@sadiaarman363]

I feel so invisible here!! No comments! Interesting. 😳

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@sadiaarman363 you can’t control other people’s behaviour or where they live, so you couldn’t have created the situation of having noisy neighbours. I’m glad that your letter to the landlord had some effect, though. I’m always afraid of complain when something happens that I could complain about, in case I’m not even listened to or worse, get retaliation.

[@SweetUniverse]

I've noticed this exact thing in my online mental health group. We get new members playing the Omg I've Been Abused card & then trying to get money out our members.

[@sorshae.elsbernd]

Thank you, Anna! This was an interesting and thought-provoking video. I have the belief that I chose my parents in this lifetime so that I could grow strong, face the situation directly, and then say no and stand up for myself. When I start second-guessing myself and wondering if I should abandon myself to appease them, I focus on this being my life-lesson and choose to stand strong and stay true to myself. It helps me stop second-guessing myself and gives me strength. I hope this makes sense.

[@sorshae.elsbernd]

@Mama Bush I believe the difference though is that this belief is empowering us to make healthy changes, rather than resulting in us allowing further abuse.

[@louniece1650]

@thanksagainforthetea, soreshae.elsbernd, I was told I chose my parents. I believed it for quite a long time. I believed that I chose my parents so I could experience being raped, beaten, and tortured as a baby into my pre-tween years. I believed that the subsequent years of emotional abandonment and intangible neglect were my doing because I chose my parents. Came mighty close to killing myself before a semblance of sanity interrupted this disgusting and reprehensible lie I had been spoon-fed. I am now not only embarrassed but mortified that I was so lost and stupid that I actually believed that crap. I came so close to death. I'm terrified of how many scary people are out here. Terrified.

[@sorshae.elsbernd]

@@louniece1650 I'm so sorry you had those experiences. Believing that my stronger spirit self chose this experience gives me strength to stand in my choice to choose to love myself and stop trying to earn their love. Beliving that I chose them so that I could learn how to tell all abusers "no!" is different than believing I chose my abusers so that I could continue to get abused. If someone is using this belief to CONTINE staying in an abusive situation, that's awful.

[@louniece1650]

@sorshae.elsbernd Ah. Okay. Do you believe that Trauma is a real thing that affects how a person functions in this life? Or does everything all boils down to simply manifesting through channeling energies? I'm seriously asking because I'm trying to figure out something. 🙃

[@sorshae.elsbernd]

@@louniece1650 to me, trauma is so real, so heavy, so damaging that it's resulted in me having major autoimmune issues to the point where I'm now diabled. Trauma is absolutely real and I comfort myself with the idea that I chose this situation so that I could trimuph over the damage...like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I use EFT, Reiki, and visualisations to reach that calm, wise person that I strive to be. It helps me be a better mom and wife. It helps me keep putting one foot in front of the other. Does that help? What are you trying to figure out?

[@janecordy3411]

I had a girl friend who was into new age rubbish. She used to try & get me to agree with her, indoctrinate me into her way of thinking. Honestly, I questioned a lot of what she was saying, most of it made no logical sense at all to me. Another friend of mine was on Government benefits & was having difficulty with the Department, like many others through Covid. New age friend said "she's created her own reality, that's her Karma, I haven't had problems with said Government Dept". Say what???? lol...... Needless to say, she's no longer my friend. Other people thought 'she's crazy'. I had to agree!

[@kathleendinsmore7588]

This message is powerful! Putting up with crap is what is often required in religion in order to become more "spiritual."

[@datheamore6395]

This is right up there with the concept of the soulmate. It becomes a type of limerence after a while too.

[@thewholenessnetwork]

So important to make this exception to how things get taught in the “feel better” world. Thanks Anna!

[@CoMorbiditty]

lve worked my way through the fanciful spirited parts of my life. The thing lm most fearful of is exactly what you said, not being able to rely and trust myself, and being able to see green and red flags. lve been a sitting duck all my life. When lm not with people, and have no friends lm fairly safe although l feel l need the "buffer" of a friends opinion if lm going off half cocked. By myself, my choices still suck. But when lm with people, l cant read them. l need a definate definition of myself so l can be more confident in who l am. lt sux to be so lost within yourself.

[@CarolaZz]

This video is pure gold, thank you so much for your clarity 🙏

[@chaz7604]

I’ve found spirituality to be pretty helpful actually. Unfortunately even psychologically we do tend to create situations subconsciously which makes us a match to certain people dependent upon what we think and it can actually serve us on a path to our own healing as we are able to learn more about ourselves through our connections to others. This doesn’t mean you have to stick in situations that aren’t good for you though. For me it’s more about taking responsibility for where I’m at and learning to heal so these people won’t be able to do these things to me anymore and I can have autonomy over myself and my well-being. Some of the worst experiences have led me to heal because patterns have repeated and so for that, the missing piece for me has been spirituality. But with that comes the autonomy of my own personal journey and the recognition that I can only change myself and not other people ❤

[@elvansavkl7972]

ahh thanks for this video. I truly do not like new age , spiritualists..and one they smell you do not like that kind of stuff , they never let you go. the buzz words they use are ; trust , believe , ne positive , you are not positive person , I am spiritualist not you.I found out that people who calls themselves spiritulist are mostly do not respect others private feelings and they love crossing the line and even though they call themselves positive ( and they talk a lot about positive energy) they enjoy poking you almost they are trying to scare you.

[@elvansavkl7972]

ah also you wanted this people. I forgot about them. your karma so on.. you wanted this happen.

[@mary1037]

Well said. I used to think that it was all a "test" when I was in a toxic relationship, and that I'm here to "learn something". F it! Not anymore, I am here to enjoy life. Thank you for this video.

[@rhettemerson130]

God's perfect timing came through you Mz Runkle !!! I go to a coffee shop after hours on Sunday night for a worship service. The worship leader can't be bothered to talk to me (krapfit) and basically walks off while I'm in midsentence. So I mentioned something to the owner the next day when I went in for coffee, he gets back to me next day and says he talked to the person and he thinks it's a you problem (meaning me) , I said I see a lot of people doing it, walking away in midsentence. Not including people at work that are tasked to do what they are paid for, I'm talking in general people walking away in midsentence. That's a unhealthy dose of I don't respect you enough to hear what you are saying. . So I'll go somewhere else to worship. Bless you and thank you for all you do !

[@Freefolkcreate]

So true the search for belonging leads one down some very dark alleys if we aren't aware of what drives us to seek it in unhealthy people and groups. I lived in a cult for a year and when I left I realized I just wanted to belong somewhere to something. Unfortunately they try to rid you of your intrinsic needs and then abuse you when you don't play their game. There are so many ways abuse of power keeps people from being free and loved. Accepting abuse as a substitute for genuine belonging keeps us going in circles. Love doesn't exist in these eddys. We have to stop believing we have to be abused to belong. Our needs are not wrong, they are healthy if we approach them from a place of first - love yourself by listening to yourself. Give yourself the gift of belonging to you, to life, and to love.

[@annemurphy8074]

If we are not at home in ourselves, we'll search everywhere for home and end up in some really bad, dark situations.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I believe in God as my Higher Power as well... He has gotten me through the multiple traumas I have had throughout my life....

[@racheldesantis292]

I believe that people do create their own reality by the decisions they make. I hear so many people complain about situations that they put themselves in with their own life choices. Yes, live in the moment, establish yourself in the present moment and then perform action, many people ignore the second part. Also, I’m a non theist.

[@ljones98391]

@racheldesantis292 Perhaps their trauma past has created their current reality not conscious choices. Trauma and it's resultant view of life is often, if not always, unconscious. If what is running you is unconscious so are the choices that come from it. That's why years of cognitive behavioral therapy didn't help me but I believe compounded the problem. I had never heard of CPTSD back then & neither had my counselor.

[@HereForTheCatContent]

One of my new "friends" recently told me that "people aren't wrong to sexually abuse children because those souls participating have their lessons to learn." I grew up in church but got tired of the judgementalism, invalidation, and difficulty forming and keeping any real one-on-one relationships outside of showing up to someone's group or helping with activities. Also seems the more fundamental a person or church is, the more contempt they seem to harbor towards humanity. They're offended by people getting out of toxic relationships, even adulterous marriages, or just being happy. But other schools of thought have their dangers too. I'm still in a very tumultuous, lonely, and confused-feeling state but I'm committed to remaining on my path and developing my values and skills however I can. I guess the only things I've learned for sure is that you have to be very careful, very observant, give things time to prove or disprove themselves, and keep working on yourself.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

I wonder what lessons they think kids are actually learning from being sexually abused, though? I’ve had some near misses myself (sounds weird, I know, but basically two different people attempted to abuse me physically, after tricking me into the situations, and I managed to get away before they could get that far… but I know if they’d got to do what they wanted, I wouldn’t have learned anything from the experience. Trauma isn’t a lesson).

[@Jais-u7y]

You are right thank you yes I'm being manipulated by witchcraft

[@fangdrag]

Unfortunately, finding a right partner is all down to luck. The majority of people haven't worked on themselves and those who have don't actually like you.