Biggest Dating Fails in History

[@WayWardWonderer]

"You're a bitch! Just date my grandson!" What woman could resist that kind of charm?

[@thejohn6614]

I feel sorry for the nun. She opened up enough to try something she had never done before. Probably because she was about to become a nun and wanted to experience things before she took her vows. Then the dude just leaves. She must have felt horrible.

[@broncovillafranca2191]

Someone tell sushi girl to HMU 😂😂😂

[@corsaircarl9582]

The number of people who think *GUACAMOLE* is from a *JAPANESE* meal is too damn high...

[@CaTastrophy427]

16:25 reminds me of this story I've got saved somewhere in my notes app... cop-pasted and pieced together from a couple dozen discord messages... let's see... ah, here we go: Came out to a friend (we'll call him Bob), who proceeded to immediately see if there was anyone he could set me up with. Noted down things like interests, age (knew that one already), yadda yadda yadda, couldn't think of any lesbians who fit. Asked his GF (who'd never met me). Bob's GF knew a girl who was quite similar to me (save for a three year age gap), who was openly bi and also looking for a new partner. Proceeded to set us up on a blind date/double date, not even telling either me or my date the other one's name. Showed up, it was my older sister. We decided to go along with it, not telling them we were sisters or even had ever met before. We didn't look too similar to one another, calmly introduced ourselves (not with surnames, of course), had a nice meal, and when it was over, Bob offered me a ride back, since we live just a few blocks away. My sister drove her car there, so she said "No, that's all right, I'd be happy to drive you myself, to get to know you more. Hey, you could even stay at my place for the night, if you want" with a grin and wink suggesting more would happen in bed than just sleeping. I said "Oh, that sounds great! I'd love to stay at your place", hopped in her car, and she drove me back to our house, the both of us laughing all the way. We planned out a lot that night, and then went to sleep in our own respective beds. The next morning, I got a text from Bob asking to know how far we went, so I wrote back saying "Well, I barely slept at all last night, and can't walk much at all, so I think it went great. You can fill in the rest, right?". Proceeded to go on several more double dates with Bob and his GF, getting somewhat rather intimate (in front of them, that is). Then, after about half a year of "dating", on a double date to see the view in the middle of nowhere (it was quite beautiful, though, and the food we each brought was great), I pulled out a ring, got down on one knee, opened the box, and before I could say a word, she said yes. I then said "Okay. Great. Uh... hm... I have to wonder... would you take my name, or would I take yours?". Her response was "Why not hyphenate?", to which I instantly retorted by saying "That'd sound so fucking retarded". She pretended to think for a moment, and then said "Oh yeah, it would...". This prompted Bob to say to my sister "You know, I don't actually know your full name. As such, I have to wonder what would sound stupid next to (my last name)". His GF opened her mouth, and I quickly pressed a button on my iPod, causing it to start blasting "Sweet Home Alabama". Bob's GF started laughing her ass off, and I said "Well, when hyphenated, it'd be (my last name)-(my last name), so you can see the problem, right?". It took him a moment to comprehend that I was serious and that there was a joke being played at his expense, before he said "So... what're the odds that you'd have the same last name?". "Pretty high, considering... well, lemme ask you what song is playing, and why your girlfriend is laughing". He put two and two together, I watched as his mind exploded, and then, once he got out of that special omega-mind-fuck zone, said "Either this was the longest Alabama joke in history, or you're serious about getting married. If it's the former, I hate you both. If it's the latter, I want to be there when you ask for her parent's permission to marry her, and then I want to immediately remove myself from your life" I said (improving here, as we hadn't anticipated this response) "Well, we're going to be having dinner with our parents on Tuesday, can you come over then?". He had a look of shock and horror on his face, but he managed to squeak out a "yes...". On the way home, I called up our parents, explained the situation, they laughed their asses off, and said they'd go with it. Tuesday rolled around, Bob and his GF came over, and, after we all finished eating, my sister said "So... mom, dad, I have something to ask of you, and... I hope you'll accept" and my mother said "Of course, whatever you want, we'll do our best to make it happen". My sister then said "Well, I found this girl I like, and I want to marry her... so..." My father interrupted to say "My dear, we've already told you, whoever you fall in love with, you can marry. We don't need to vet him or her". My sister heard that, then took a deep breath and said "It's still customary to ask, however. So..." Another deep breath, and then out came a rush of words as she bowed her head and clasped her hands together: "Will you please let me marry your daughter?" The silence was so thick that it couldn't be cut with a 10 million degree chainsaw, and then it stretched on and on, getting really awkward, before my father said "Sorry, forgot my lines, just a moment", pulled out his phone, read something on it for a few seconds, and then, his face immediately changing to an angry scowl, growled out "You think... that just because... you were polite and asked... I'd let you marry... my precious daughter?". Meanwhile, Bob and his GF were sitting there stunned after my father said he forgot his lines, but they still seemed to recoil at the killing intent he seemed to be radiating. The silence dragged on for a few seconds, then he sat back, his face brightening into a smile, and said "You're right!". Cue mother failing to hold her laughter in anymore, leaning heavily onto my dad, and saying "Do you know how hard it was to not laugh or change my expression when you forgot what to say?", which prompted my father to say "Well, there's no script anymore, so how are you going to break it to those two... whenever they snap out of it. Goddamn, but it was SO funny when you told us about the massive joke you played on them... Like, I couldn't stop laughing even the next day at work, and I had a lot of trouble not telling my coworkers! Can I tell them now? Please?" TLDR: READ IT ALL, IT'S THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER. Take the three minutes it takes to read the whole story, and then quickly go to the emergency room to deal with your problem of a busted gut and asphyxiation due to laughing too hard.

[@EarthItself]

Sorry but I'm not wasting 3 minutes of my life reading this. I don't care how funny it is

[@CaTastrophy427]

@@EarthItself okay, tldr, longest-running Alabama joke ever bc a friend unknowingly set someone up on a blind date with her sister, and they just went with it.

[@yakshxiao.b4.u100]

HEHELP HOW DID BOB NOT KNOW HIS GF'S NAME

[@CaTastrophy427]

@@yakshxiao.b4.u100 Bob knew his GF's name, he invited one girl without knowing the name of the girl his GF invited (or anything else about that girl, for that matter) while Bob's GF didn't know anything about the girl he was inviting, besides the interests, age, and whatnot she used to find a compatible partner.

[@WASDLeftClick]

I didn’t think anyone in the modern age genuinely doesn’t know what wasabi is.

[@ryanjay707]

Yea for real, I was laughing so hard tho at the end 😂

[@jacobharrell2634]

Literally only because of cars 2. That's when Americans learned it existed lol

[@Starwarsgeek-98]

Its spicy guacamole

[@BknMoonStudios]

I only know because I see a lot of weeb KZbinrs. Never eating it in my 25 years of living.

[@scott247]

I just ate sushi and wasabi for the first time at 45. It was good, very different but good.

[@acid3129]

A girl I worked with . She was really cute I got on well with her . One day I got the confidence to ask her out we arranged a time and date. We'll I turn up to the spot and wait I get a text saying she is outside I go out and she is sitting in a friend's car she opens the door and asks me to get in so I do her friends get out she then spends 20 min explaining how I trapped her into going on a date with me because I asked her at work she wanted to be nice to me because I was a nice person but she didn't like me in that way she had been freaking out for days about meeting me and having to tell me she wasn't interested she said sorry and I got out the car went back in the restaurant called some friends up and spent the day getting wasted. The next day I go back to work and she has gone her work partner told me she felt weird working with me after I asked her out so she quit . I tried to call her and apologise for making her feel that way but her dad answered and said he would break my legs if I didn't leave his daughter alone..... I dint even know what I did wrong I wasn't being clingy or pushy it was normal work banter she would even come get me at break times to go smoke I did no stupid grand gesture I just said hey wanna go get drinks some time but she acted like I was stalking her or I was some kind of monster

[@momouwu1937]

She didn't handle it well. She could have said she's not interested or not planning to date and just brush it off carefree. The girl probably just a bit paranoid when dealing with situations. But I feel like I could be like that sometimes and I know it's stupid.

[@chinnese]

I think she was just looking to quit her job, but she was afraid of what her dad would say, she made up a story about a guy harrasing her at work, that's why her dad reacted that way.

[@claudewinters2091]

I am not sure if this counts... But a girl I knew planned a date with me but decided to cover it as her birthday party at 11pm and invited me... I showed up with friends... And completely oblivious to everything. As the night went on... I slowly wised up... Yea I was really dense back then .... After several "phone calls" everytime she wanted us to get more intimate I decided to leave.... Even though I had no idea where I was at 3am in the morning.... I told my friends either I am walking with you or without you... And I left... One of my friends left with me... I understand that it was hard to leave a party with mostly hot girls who wanted to test their dancing skills on you... But I wasn't loosing my virginity that night ..not that way...

[@kendoruslink7017]

Never been on a date.

[@Bigfoot_With_Internet_Access]

These fails are bigger than my feet

[@WASDLeftClick]

So I never really thought to ask until now, but how come the SCP Foundation lets you have Internet access?

[@dwoodstwin]

I don’t mind if a girl does all the talking. Just smile and nod. It usually works out for me

[@lawdlukan7606]

I'd love to see the people mistake Wasabi for Guacamole in a restaurant! That would make for some fun people watching!

[@DodgerOfZion]

All the guy wanted to talk about was Destiny and some other game that was out at the time. I paid for pinball at a gaming store in the mall, he "didn't play that." We had hit it off so well in the dating app, but then he turned out to be so boring. Never talked to him again after that date.

[@phoodiegames]

What a shame. Pinball is so fun!

[@beagleissleeping5359]

Stepuncle takes his brother's neighbor to his favorite buffet restaurant. She'd brought Tupperware in her purse and was loading them up from the buffet, not even trying to hide it. First and only time he went out with her.

[@mylovebuddies]

Dating specialists suggest that if a woman doesn’t return a call after two messages, she is not interested.

[@yoda6292]

The last story sounds Like Disney/Nickelodeon/some Comedy movie cliche.

[@amberriche30]

Bowling story. Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you

[@fredleeland2464]

That pie convo kinda happened to me too

[@13thmistral]

moral of the story, make friends first, and do not be afraid to bail out on people you do not know personally.

[@kristinetaulbut4975]

Omg the puffy shirt!!!! I think we went on a date with the same guy

[@maryturpel8413]

Back in the 60s, I met a guy at a student senate who invited me to his high school's Grad Night at Disneyland. We spent the ENTIRE night in the pancake house where he espoused political views for over 5 hours. The waitstaff never tried to shoo us out, and I never got on to one single ride. And no, our political views were not a match.

[@EMalachi]

Eyyo, set me up with the gal from the thumbnail. I don't mind the teeth.

[@sketchyskies8531]

Rip

[@yoda6292]

Is IT just me or guys’ stories Are better and funnier, girls stories Are just r/niceguys material and stories from guys (i suppose guys, some of those nas be lesbian) Are all different and some Are funny

[@bigbabado8296]

Guess there's just a lotta creepy dudes. I dunno man

[@yoda6292]

@@bigbabado8296 yeah, we have serious issues, but G, I’m telling you man, girls stories Are becoming boring

[@andiward7068]

@@yoda6292good relationships don't make for good "fail" stories.

[@aidenbeahan9958]

Lmao hi

[@crotchwolf1929]

I once mixed up a booty call for a date. We went to a local bar, had burgers, drinks and during the whole thing he seemed annoyed. When we finished he finally asked when we were gonna hook up. A short conversation later we finally got on the same level and went back to my place for sex.

[@Lmao-ke9lq]

Whats booty call?