Bill Burr⎢Five year olds have no excuse for being fat!⎢Shaq's Five Minute Funnies⎢Comedy Shaq

[@Omgitszackk]

Best entrance: "Was this too quick a transition?"

[@kylebecker5647]

Christopher Bales What are you talking about? That joke was clearly about kids, and had nothing to do with black people. Even the people in the audience understood that, quit making everything about race.

[@narts83]

Let your eyes adjust lol, dudes too funny

[@thehybridkid1615]

KZbin favors snowflakes so if I dislike your comment I’m gonna let you know because KZbin won’t. With that being said Christopher your a dumb shit

[@jasonbasant5624]

@@christopherb5183 nigga what? 😂😂😭😭😭

[@MrRaja]

@@christopherb5183 hey rude boi you need slapping man? Are you that little 400lb bastard I almost ran over last week?

[@duckticklervii854]

"i had my first heart attack when i was 4" that part just killed me XD.

[@Kuebel350]

It also ended up killing the child. :P

[@ahlemahle7491]

me too hahaha

[@CommonCent]

Jordon Emanuel So where do we send the flowers to? 💐

[@donaldclinton9548]

may 2 was my birthday

[@D3uceMango]

Donald Clinton me too

[@taniathewise8]

"I own you til you're 18, do some jumping jacks "

[@wisconsinlonnie4143]

Hilfuckinarious 😂 😂 I'm Wisconsin Lonnie and I approve this message ™

[@imbi9580]

Not really related but i walked 2.5 kilometres everyday to go to school. Then i graduated and went to work and gained 10kgs in a span of 10 months

[@itpugil]

@@imbi9580 You should continue walking

[@Szaam]

"Stop feeding him. He doesn't have any money."

[@teejay3698]

Szaam 😂

[@benciccarelli9870]

Yeah he did say that in the video, you’re right.

[@ramo5442]

holy fuck, that's what he said!

[@1afterthep]

He is absolutely right, letting your kid get fat is really child abuse. I'm a kindergarten teacher and I am truly horrified about what I see in some of the kids' lunch boxes. Be parents what the fuck!

[@madbear3512]

@@1afterthep God be with you

[@Charlie_Alpha_Lima]

This was the first time I saw Bill Burr. He has since become my favourite comedian of all time. Every single angry thing he rants about is comic gold! Bill Burr is the truth!

[@elmSTREETnasty]

+CallMeLum So this is about 10 years old, right? Maybe a little less? Damn man I wish I knew who he was back then. I was still listening to shitty stand up around that time.

[@elmSTREETnasty]

haart123 Hell yeah man Bill is awesome.

[@efisgpr]

CallMeLum I HOPE you haven't heard his podcast....so u can thank me 😂😂

[@tolkienbullet]

where was this at?

[@pyetorshite7379]

The phillyrant is by far one of thee best

[@sub1469]

His confused and girl voice are so fucking funny LOL

[@matthewprestia7647]

gg 123 swing and a miss

[@keemleex5189]

Kind of sounds like Stewart from Madtv! the "Look what I can do" guy! lol

[@jakoda2514]

Are you related to Joe Swanson?

[@mrkdemeritt]

His girl voice which I've heard his wife Nina reply how it is not correct, is like he's trying to be a gay man y'all rememberPaul Lynde from celebrity whatever or the Hollywood squares?

[@mrkdemeritt]

@Daniel Frederikson exactly, bill is really funny of a lot of things but the one thing might not the one thing but the specific thing that I think is chickenshit is the whole talking about obese people. Oh I imagine being overweight is just such a f****** pleasure, and we're really sorry that little Billy boy has to fix his eyes on someone who is heavier than he is. He's done a lot of really great stuff but that is complete chickenshit

[@christianvennemann9008]

"Uhh...there was a hurricane. Uhhh...people are wet." 😂😂

[@Blowhole6969]

that was basically Trumps speech...

[@Grey_7]

X 😂😂😂

[@El_LeChErO91]

Bruh😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 that had me going for awhile

[@AmazinglyGayPhil]

@@Blowhole6969 orange man bad.

[@GraceMusyoka]

@@Grey_7 Trump

[@theenergyalchemist6206]

I love Bill Burr! Just his voice alone is hilarious!😀

[@tonybparalegal]

Yes, he uses his voice really well. He said watching George Carlin made him pay more attention to that. But, his voice is more interesting than Carlin's.

[@theenergyalchemist6206]

Have you seen the animated series on netflix were Bill Burr does the voice for the dad? Its called F is for family. Its soo funny!

[@tyuirtyyu9035]

H

[@kubel83]

Nari Freeman okay i know this is old but, yeah i think he is great too. His voice, the way he moves on stage. It is really hard for me to watch another comedian after seen Bill Burr. He just sets a standard that no one can keep up with.. Hell he is the best comedian i have ever seen.

[@theenergyalchemist6206]

kubel83 Yea, he's great. Have you seen the shoe F is for family on netflix? He does the voice for the dad. Its really funny too!

[@H8er-Maker]

"Stop feeding him, he doesn't have any money" simple truth. Yet comical

[@GNerdful]

As a former fat kid I agree. I wish my parents were more into making me eat healthy when I was younger. It's easier to break bad habits when you're 5 than twenty years later

[@standupstraight9691]

When I was about 12-13 I was fat. I ate strawberry jam and cream sandwiches after school, and who knows what else. I would in no way allow my kid to do that.

[@somegirl558]

Yeah but.. You have the right being as happy as as you are happy thin... It's your life, f. them.

[@flyingdutchdan]

@@somegirl558 yes definitely. But being fat should not be normalized or promoted. Since obesity causes physical problems and has therefore directly an influence on your mental health as well. What you say is the typical 2022 thing to say… probably youre fat yourself and too lazy to put in the effort

[@Tnargav]

@@somegirl558 Not when it eventually becomes a burden to your family and others.

[@mattblah7737]

Damn near impossible as an adult. Most parents really just don't care all that much

[@geanniechecks8084]

"You're eating carrots and celery until I can pick you up again.." 😂😂

[@MidnighttWolf]

Hi

[@D.Antony]

Bill is one of the best comedians ever. He's relentless. Every second of every minute of every show is a hit. There's no down time.

[@orochikaiba]

"I told him he couldn't have a cupcake and he just sat on my chest"😂😂😂😂

[@kingayy9267]

"JC, they're *everywhere!* They're like locusts!" This dude is friggin hilarious.

[@MindfulAttraction2.0]

He’s invited to the cookout

[@Giga_Ninja]

I second that.

[@geezushasrisen]

No he’s not. I love Bill, but stop inviting white people to the “barbecue” because their funny/normal, decent people.

[@manwithopinions12]

@@geezushasrisen so what should people invite them for?

[@Nyxiro]

@@manwithopinions12 they can’t be normal apparently so I guess we gotta invite the non funny normal people

[@manwithopinions12]

@@Nyxiro and apparently indecent as well

[@ThePhunkyPharaoh]

I love this guy. He just speaks his mind and it's fucking hilarious.

[@musicsdarkangel]

Bill Burr is just incredibly good. And it's not even an act… it's just who he is. There isn't an audience who wouldn't enjoy this guy. Other than feminists :D

[@thefiremensch]

yeahhh I was gonna say, feminists hate him!

[@MeishaAthma]

bledredwine ... and obese kids ;-)

[@lowridersethman]

Oh well let the feminists hate. Do you know anybody that likes feminists? I sure as sh*t don't! Maybe the feminists and fat kids can team up so then they can have somebody else that likes them besides themselves! :-P

[@TheBlackJacksItalia]

***** being hated by feminists is nothing but a badge of honor..

[@lowridersethman]

***** Just wanted to give a shout to you, and say good for you for not discarding your ability to see the humor in things in spite of any terrible past ordeals you've experienced! I know it's hard to not let these things define you. Hope you stay true to yourself and never lose that laughter!

[@Elgar337]

That lady is dying of laughter, LOL!

[@TommyTomTompkins]

Timestamp?

[@davidmartineztorres8731]

@@TommyTomTompkins 1:35

[@marcus00077]

Man, no one else makes me laugh as hard as Bill Burr does. His humor is so smart and to the point.

[@JeffersonDinedAlone]

Burr has been around for over 20 years; it can take a while to become established.

[@htxflow]

Exactly. Same with my other favorite comedian Corey Holcomb. These guys been doing comedy since mid 20's but didn't get fully established til their late 30's.../early 40's. It's refreshing to know all their hard work finally paid off

[@ottogofast3882]

That’s usually how it goes for most comedians unfortunately

[@TheSlammurai]

Cause Bill is a stubborn fuck and we all love him for it.

[@sunairjet]

I think Bill Burr had one of those real fathers. You know those that are not on reality shows "my kids is out of control. What can I do". Nah, his father just told Bill Burr what to do. Like a parent.

[@bartborganelli7301]

Yeah, just like the rest of us growing up in the 60's and 70's... The majority of us had fathers and I never heard, "Now, I'm going to count to three... or, If I have to tell you again..." HELL NO! We were told ONCE and after that FREE FLYING LESSONS! Were we abused? Most of us not, some yes. But we certainly respected them and there was nothing wrong with fear being a motivator!! The only greater emotion was that the love and provision the fathers also showed us. Period, the end.

[@lawlicht8092]

Nowaday most parents send their kids to a corner for a "timeout" as punishment. WHAT THE FUCK IS A TIMEOUT?

[@WiseYetti]

@@lawlicht8092 I'd take a smack over a timeout anyday. Timeout is legit torture unless meditating

[@ribby9069]

Bart Borganelli counting to three worked a treat on me and my siblings. Once a bystander was so concerned by our reaction to it she asked my mum what happened when she got to three. She replied she didn’t know, it had never happened.

[@JimBob-ky8sm]

If you want to see what bills dad was like just watch F is for family.

[@MotleyStew]

“...until I can pick you up again.” HAH! Killed me!!

[@Bangtanlicious-ev3sn]

2:37 I love when he does that voice

[@efisgpr]

1:38 WOW she is SO CUTE

[@DanFoolio]

"He sat on my chest" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

[@beerich2872]

I had no idea this guy was this hilarious ,I think his tone of voice and his honesty plays a big factor for me liking him..Lol I want more .

[@adrianpate4694]

😂key elements in comedy

[@wingman-1977]

You know you’re good when you have the brothas rolling.

[@keithlauderjr1691]

The wit of Carlin and delivery of Dice. One of the best. ❤

[@PaulSchober]

This reminds me of a Simpsons bit about obesity in one of Lisa's school films on genetics. The moderator is talking about how "fat children naturally come from fat parents", and they show a fat little kid, then the camera zooms out a bit to show the parents are also fat, but all 3 are scarfing down pizza.

[@kakarot1192]

oh yeah I remember that

[@fatboitino2]

Hahah

[@BamaShinesDistillery]

Hell its true. My wifes niece came over this past week....she has gotten soooo fat and shes like 10. But its no coincedence that her mamma is big enough to make a cow jealous. Its all her fault. Of course I made my thoughts known and get called an asshole, but hey.....theyve called me that before.

[@Dave_ja_vu]

Fat kids come from lazy shitty parents. Either it's because the parents are fat lazy fucks and they picked up the habits and the poor diet, or they are useless parents letting screens raise their kids and feeding them trash.

[@Dave_ja_vu]

And when you couple that with a nation where they eat commercially processed food on average 4-5 times a week, it's gonna lead to disaster.

[@lougehrigsdisease7945]

"Good, go to bed" is the family I grew up with.

[@christinemarie4486]

I'm a 35 year old married woman and I don't care who you are, I don't want to share oxygen with anyone (feminist or not) that doesn't think this dude is hilarious. He is a brilliant naturally funny guy!

[@bang5146]

I can see how Patrice love him. Bill Burr carries Patrice spirit for us.

[@GP-ci8qt]

Burr: "Could Bush rehearse before he gives a speech?" Me, in 2020: Yikes....

[@44BlueFoxes]

I was just thinking the same thing. Could at least write some crib notes on the underside of that fake hair to glance at occasionally before he goes off spouting about walls.

[@NathielIsaac]

@@44BlueFoxes Sheesh man y’all just hate the dude... Salt.

[@44BlueFoxes]

@@NathielIsaacI don't hate anyone. But whenever Trump does a press conference he sounds like a seven year old giving a report on a book he didn't read. He makes Bush's speeches sound eloquent.

[@AC-iz7eh]

What I thought Trump was pretty good at giving speeches he even had those Marvel quips thrown in during debates with other people. Those one liners are instant memes

[@mr.doctorcaptain1124]

@@44BlueFoxes and now we have a president who has full blown dementia

[@dianegoncalves9471]

Billy killing it for decades best comic ever!

[@mad-official]

1:08 Can you imagine being a comedian and getting a reaction like that out of somebody. That's gotta feel amazing.

[@jameslisle7775]

Even his mannerisms are hilarious! Incredibly talented!

[@JasonandaCamera]

That book sounds interesting. Gonna find it on amazon

[@metalman552]

Go to a bookstore!

[@henrygalvan9333]

Lol maybe SK - cujo

[@chrisp2481]

its the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night. excellent read

[@Rogersensei93]

Metalman do bookstores deliver to your door

[@waynefarrellvoiceovers]

“I’ll let your eyes adjust...” Genius!

[@LTeagles16]

"They are like locusts" Fxck me blind! That was hilarious....

[@johndoe-bw6pj]

Love the voices he makes....What a legend....One of the best out there....

[@theresawilliams4296]

He sat on my chest and I couldn't breathe. He got a hernia for his birthday. Those two lines right there, just cracked me up. A true comedian genius.

[@dirtybaystrangler]

The girl at 1:41 is gorgeous!

[@sunofpeter2]

hahaha Dude i serched for this comment! Some fat kid joke was going on, i was laughing then boom , i am like Dayum! no my life is less complete knowing she is out there. jk she is gorgeous though

[@sunofpeter2]

actually the crowd is full of hotties!

[@gregtechno506]

2:53 nice view

[@bs-py7ru]

Burr: "Could Bush rehearse before he gives a speech?" Me, in 2020: Yikes....

[@christophert8419]

The impression of every “Karen” tryna set their kids straight was spot on

[@m_winewood]

Damn ol girl at 1:40 cute af.

[@antred11]

Yup!

[@joeyzwier]

@Ashvin Vaidyanathan What, you think she's ugly?

[@deltahomicide9300]

DSL's

[@turdusmerula_]

Bill is just amazing

[@randalltrantham5082]

so awesome to see everyone laughing at this guy, comedy can really transcend social and racial communities

[@vladtepes9614]

"No, you little shit. You're eating carrots and celery until I can pick you up again". lololololol!!!!

[@namarie.2289]

*Your eating carrots and celery until I can pick you up again* That part killed me like a 4 year old having a heart attack.

[@maxbowie6074]

I must confess I'm very late to the party with this guy, but what a talent. My god he's funny

[@Ironborn4]

This was when Bill just started dating a black girl isn't it? He's looking like 90's RnB producer

[@anti-victimGenX]

Lol at Bush needing to rehearse... BTW, who's holding Biden's beer?? 😂😂

[@Tee-OhBee]

"Shaq's Five Minute Funnies" clip is under 4 mins

[@RockDavid]

+Tee OB and if it was 5:01 you would sit here and complain with your entitlement big talk right? h aha move on

[@Tee-OhBee]

David R entitlement big talk? It's a comment I made in good fun get your panties out of a bunch.

[@RockDavid]

Tee OB ha ha, you seem to lack the brain and missed the comment, seems Bill burr is over your head sugggest you move on

[@Tee-OhBee]

David R please explain

[@Tee-OhBee]

David R still waiting on that explanation

[@kno6ndg7]

2:53 that woman has her flashback and almost died from it and laughing simultaneously.

[@Miltongoldst4R]

They don't make comedians like Bill anymore, we have to enjoy it while he's here.

[@sstaners1234]

“You’re eating carrots and salad until I can pick you up again.” 🤣

[@unlaikable]

1:31 "I ha.. I had.." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@danross4377]

"...he sat on my chest...😩" @2:51 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@tribecop]

Obese kids were a rarity when I was a kid in the 60's. We ate home cooked meals, played sports and rode our bikes everywhere.

[@patrickbang3037]

i laughed even harder when they cut to the lady OBVIOUSLY mouthing "oh my god" she made it so much funnier lmao

[@JD-go2qj]

I like him lmao. A four yr old getting a heart attack. That shit had me rolling 😂😂

[@vitocorleone1462]

"I'll just let your eyes adjust"😂😂😂

[@aidangriffiths5075]

Carrots and salads until i can pick you up again 😂

[@aqua-mina]

he actually makes me laugh out loud, havent done that in a while. Been watching all his youtube clips with him in it. Bill Burr, you've got a new fan!

[@no-oneman.4140]

From across the pond - this guy is sheer brilliance.

[@Sofoluwe]

This guy makes me laugh so hard.

[@bernardking13]

A freash new Bill Burr Skit i havent seen. Died when he did the "Im 4 got my first heart attack" hahahaha

[@oRuTRa45]

@2:12 Isn't that Ronnie DeVoe from New Edition/Bell Biv DeVoe?

[@0Y0L]

I really thinks its him

[@chimchimchow]

Yessir

[@Fotosynthesis858]

If Chappelle is the GOAT then Bill Burr is the WHITE GOAT lol! This dude is a fuggen genius! 😂

[@NikhilThokal]

"This is a tough hurricane. One of the wettest we've ever seen from the standpoint of water" - Trump, 2018

[@davidcraig7771]

Trump 2020

[@jakebenjamin6409]

“This is a tough fire, one of the hottest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of heat” - me, 2020

[@rond5936]

😂😂😂😂

[@MrCarter4121]

When Bill Burr goes full Jim Gaffigan! Love it

[@headhunter7070]

The silence when he first said "its the parents fault", tells you all you need to know.

[@danielderese3170]

"you are going to eat carrot until I can pick you up again".GOLD

[@FlipStar26]

It's the parent's fault "STOP FEEDIN' EM! HE DOESNT HAVE ANY MONEY!" ...IM DONE! LOL!!!

[@cypher787]

"STOP FEEDIN HIM! HE DOESNT HAVE ANY MONEY" amazing

[@mystomachhurt9312]

Man I can't wait until he have children. His children's life will be a goddamn comedy to anyone but themselves XD.

[@sondersonics7534]

@Mystomachhurt He has a daughter that’s like 3 years old

[@mystomachhurt9312]

@@sondersonics7534 yea i just figured t out when I start hearing his podcast a week ago :)

[@davidusa47]

Five year olds have excuses. The parents don’t have an excuse

[@oscarfun100]

True. My friends' has a 5 year old boy, started to get fat, cause he's hungry all the time. But now he's on a diet, he hates it of course, but the parents are strict about the diet.

[@N0V3MBER]

1:40 ❤ What a beautiful lady!

[@Rj-ij6ko]

“uh…there was a hurricane and uh…people are wet” 😂😂😂😂

[@bonesaredollars1172]

Was this the show he met his wife at?

[@eddymunster4857]

kevin coots of corpse!

[@Cartman4wesome]

Lmao 😂

[@cynthiaholland13]

Definitely some beauties there!

[@paulfoster7881]

"Jesus Christ they're everywhere! They're like locusts!".....killed me hahaha!!

[@1969ryson]

That women at 1:40 is very good looking!

[@mojostevo]

Dude, she was amazing!

[@Timboslice475]

Hell yes!

[@mshake]

Chris J I find myself in agreement with you.

[@lowridersethman]

She's definitely not a fat feminist! ;-)

[@gabriel.hongkong]

Chris J she's a 8/10. but because of those luscious lips i'm gonna give her a 9.5/10

[@TheProdigalCat]

"No you little shit, you're eating carrots and celery until I can pick you up again." LMAO

[@u.s.paratroops4633]

"My little brother didn't like what we were having for breakfast...My Dad threw a glass of milk in his face"

[@mechengineer4894]

Chappelle and this guy are the best. You need to hear Bill's construction story when he was on Joe Rogan's show. Never seen Joe laugh that hard before.

[@luvskatie]

"Was this too quick a transition" fucking dead!!

[@adrianpate4694]

Bill burr with hair was hilarious

[@KingOfKingz819]

I made the mistake of watching this while eating and I almost choked from laughing at this shit lol

[@NightHawkLocket]

“No you little shit you’re eating carrots and celery until I can pick you up again.” XD

[@kjh7108]

His impression of Bush sounds like how trump speaks 😂

[@bencarter6263]

He's the only comedian who can guarantee a laugh out of me 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

[@wadesharp11]

Haha ive never heard this guy hes farking great!!!! Fresh stuff i laughed out loud a lot AWESOME

[@kjk2973]

Almost died laughing 🤣.......best

[@kentuckyfriedchildren5385]

You know this is ancient when you see bill has hair not only on his head but Also on his face

[@Novous]

"that's the parents fault" [complete silence]

[@screwthenet]

damn was this from 15 years back? The dude has been at it fer YEARS! O>o Still gold.

[@3JJ3]

look at that magnificent hair, surely he will cherish it forever and never lose it.

[@maxmeadows9218]

Bill Burr is a goddamn national treasure!

[@bySterling]

Bringing the TRUTH 💯 by humor is The Best!!

[@j-dub8399]

Here’s what I did: My daughter wouldn’t eat her dinner. I wrapped it up and stashed it in the fridge which then became next morning’s breakfast. That happened twice and that’s it. Easiest kid to feed forever after that and now she’s almost an adult and reflects VERY positively on that experience. Seriously! She’s not scarred or abused or anything. I did her, me, the world a favor. Be a parent not a friend.

[@FreshLexo]

Fascinating. Bill has a similar joke where his mom did that to his brother.

[@mfngeez]

“He sat on my chest” part killed me lol

[@AmerginMacEccit]

My parents, as much as I love them, and many others, just can't get a grasp how to teach kids good nutrition habits.

[@htxflow]

Same with my parents

[@urgfswallows]

I firmly believe that with anything in life, moderation is key. You drink too much, guess what, you're probably an alcoholic who's at risk of ruining your life. Eat too much, you'll eventually be an over-weight slob who's health will be at risk. Smoke too much, you'll probably get cancer and possibly die. Its the same with everything else.....the key is moderation. I can still go to McDonald's and eat there, just not everyday. Maybe once every other week and still live a healthy active life. I (nor anyone else for that matter) doesn't need to become a vegetarian in order to improve your health.