Bill Maher's New Rules #5

A fifth installment of Maher's funniest New Rules between the years 2007 and 2019.
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Other Bill Maher compilations: • Bill Maher Compilations
If you want more of these compilations, please consider showing some love on Patreon: patreon.com/mostlybillmaherclips

[@johnadams-wp2yb]

Bill's scriptwriters are excellent.

[@johnnycto7576]

0:12 that's when they wrote "With a little help from my friends".

[@r.c.whitaker296]

Your comment is underrated.

[@akkbuilders]

Ok Bill, Andrew still lives you!

[@akkbuilders]

Ok Bill, you win!

[@dianahohimer1107]

These are all great! Thank you

[@annnee6818]

Wow, some new rules I haven't seen. Thanks!! 😁

[@judylittle1138]

Loved this !!!😂😅😊

[@Nathan-hs2ut]

Thanks for the uploads!

[@Pawanrai-ej9eo]

Really appreciate this channel

[@Nathan-hs2ut]

Agreed

[@debrathiel824]

So do I he is so silly

[@55jhjhjkjk]

Bill...man...you rock!

[@MLe509]

Please do more, especially the old ones. Thanks for this. 😁

[@judydechambeau4584]

I love bill maher Hes so funny and good looking

[@WalterDWormack214]

Yes! We NEED MORE NEW RULES from DAYS GONE BY!

[@jdrebellove7460]

😂😂😂😂 The one about the three black panthers

[@MScorpioM]

That Pornhub/Bernie Sanders joke cracked me up so hard I nearly woke up everyone in my house 😂😂😂.

[@traekas7228]

Thanx for the new to me clips, Bill!

[@r.ss.r7878]

This one of the best! 👍🏽

[@paitoonkhemapanon9692]

Thanks Bill Awesome Having a great weekend

[@MyMusic0201]

Thank you!

[@dkpqzm]

That last one was the best one. Yeah, maybe it's you Taylor

[@8meisha]

09h.

[@kristophertower3476]

7:20 gotta admit that is a pretty nice setup

[@goofeybutreal4398]

Rough and ready! I lost it.

[@Mimi-cq4bg]

Lmao Taylor ended up writing a song that says the problem is her

[@seanxu2517]

Thank you so much

[@salbaker4608]

09:20 - She did. Its called "Anti--Hero" 🤣

[@flemmingbisgaard521]

When I heard Yentl I shocked on my beer trying to laugh. Hilarious.

[@Djn71]

Lol!!! Bill. Your killing it!!!!!

[@joannecharginghawk1604]

Cannot stop laughing😀😀😀😁😁😁😂😂😂

[@debrathiel824]

How can I snicker about her when you crack me up

[@r.c.whitaker296]

"Crap its haggar slacks"😁

[@cioccolateriaveneziana]

4:26 Exactly!

[@chev500l8]

When you feel down, watch a new rules segment it will make you laugh so hard you’ll forget why you were depressed in the first place.

[@marccolten9801]

The friend in the audience bit is an old, old public speaker move. I encountered this in corporate America when we had some kind of speaker at a meeting. It was easy for them to get our names because we wore picture IDs and then drop it into his talk. "And, as Marc can tell you, customer retention is our #1 goal. " Like I'm supposed to wet myself with glee because he knows my name.

[@jamespearsoniii914]

I’m an Andrew fan, and I loved this joke! Along with all the others😅

[@thomasjaggers1338]

This guy is the pope in another world and people laugh at this and he caused it

[@rachellepeterson6225]

Lord have Mercy! LOL!!!

[@Masternate12]

4:27 is an old Doug Stanhope bit. Almost identical to No Refunds

[@sblack48]

His graphics team is awesome

[@akkbuilders]

You know what you do? You approach them like a Michael Moore!

[@juanramirez6251]

Funny AF!

[@terrified9205]

7:30 what did he mean?

[@computerstar9883]

I think this is a reference to Jamal Kashogghi's murder.

[@cshubs]

We need toilet paper from the makers of Lava soap.

[@jonessoda4me1]

9:20, she should also write a song called, “I have a major case of toxic femininity”! 😊

[@komfykoala6083]

@5:14 best one hahahaha

[@domjay]

7:07 Noooooooo. I can't unsee this now LoL :P

[@jonathanleverdesigner]

Deep goat 😂

[@markcodysr]

Maher stole that “Come Together” gag from the Stern show.

[@andrewwestman2407]

Mark Cody or one of his writers

[@Ward413]

Or... a writer thought of the same joke. Happens with the nightly talk show monologues all the time. Kimmel will do a joke almost identical Fallon and then Conan will do a joke with the same setup and punchline as Colbert. No one stole it from anyway since their shows all air at roughly the same time. It just happens since writing staffs from every show are all looking at the same pop culture headlines to come up with their jokes.

[@allencooper517]

Bill's totally wrong on Bert and Ernie, they have the same job he has

[@katbowl9971]

Love it! 😎

[@stevenhoheneder984]

On Family Guy, Bert is a cop/homicide detective. Ernie is his lover.

[@BRIANMASON1202]

All 3 are definitely Muppets....only difference is, everyone KNOWS who's hand is up bert and ernies asses. We can only assume who's making bills mouth move. Most likely, its the same cabal behind the tanking of the dollar, the "new normal" world order they are trying to push,Soros, Rothschilds,and other vampires like them. Bill is just one flea on a dog. He probably doesn't even know who's hand is up his ass, he just spews the division that keeps the power and control rolling in. Researchers have found, that the best way to influence a person's beliefs and choices, is to insult them, and make them think everyone BUT them is thinking a certain way....this is a perfect example of that operation in effect. Shows like this, late night, SNL, etc, all work to suppress truth, and force the propaganda, not by TELLING you to conform, but by SHAMING you into it, by making you think youre the only one that DOESNT agree with killing babies, or open borders, or criminals are the victims of a society that seek to hold them down with some imaginary racist thumb.....a WHITE thumb (of course)bc the left believes the poor are mostly black, and class warfare is much more effective than political warfare or racial....just look at the comments, every side thinks the other is wrong...not bc they know them, but they only know what some politician that they agree with or voted for TOLD them that person thinks THEYRE wrong. Make no mistake, every. Career politician on every side thinks the rest of us are. Too stupid to govern ourselves, or understand when we are being manipulated

[@matthewcornish3086]

I would suggest that they are children as the reason they didn't work.

[@R.Oates7902]

I argue Bert and Ernie are brothers. We never see the parents. Duh!

[@evolutionaryadvantage]

Radical Jizzum!

[@CrackaDon1]

I MADE THAT ☝. I AM CRACKADON1. BANNED 4ROM TWITTER. C MY COMEDY @ ROBERT WEINER CRACKADON1

[@R.Oates7902]

Daddy Tissues Lol

[@r.c.auclair2042]

9:33. Three years after that, Taylor Swift released Anti Hero, with the lyrics "I'm the problem. It's me." Does that mean Bill Maher now gets to sue her for providing her lyrics without credit or compensation?

[@panchopuskas1]

Good selection...

[@colinskelding8959]

Ernie and Bert hang out and smoke pot just like Bill.👍👍😜

[@jeffhoffman784]

I thought he was going to put up a graphic and compare them to Beavis and Butthead :-)

[@JeffreyGillespie]

And they also have a hit TV show, I think you're onto something

[@808yorkie]

As a super MAGa, Bill's one of the fair ones. Way more funny, and fair, than Trevor Noah

[@kenc9236]

Now this is funny.

[@georgehays4900]

What do the guests do on Bill Maher’s show

[@robertcalamusso1603]

Bill wouldn’t have a chance w Britt ! Go BRITT !! 🔥

[@kenwelch198]

I need that toilet paper. My ass can take it!

[@recusantbile9829]

John Wayne toilet paper is ruff tuff and don't take shit off of nobody.

[@kingjeremysircornwell7847]

If I had a wife I would know, she has to tell me everything. THE RULE

[@allogvin9546]

Bill mar's tough & ready toilet paper? Wasn't that 1 of Trump's businesses that went belly up???

[@SLangel18]

Oh the last one with Taylor swift was funnier because she did later write a song with lyrics “hi it’s me, I’m the problem it’s me”

[@ThisIsF-dUp]

I’ve an idea: let’s create a fourth branch of government, called the Peoples Branch. Then We The People will use this branch to vote on pending legislation alongside our legislators. That way Congress is forced to listen to the people more than special interests. And if they don’t, we will see.

[@marilynking4003]

Paul McCartney - too much information!!!!!

[@belle.m]

That Taylor Swift joke was on point! 😂

[@gazisareembakhtyalam]

Wow. Bill Maher predicted a Taylor Swift song.

[@123DASBOOT]

Killer, Bill is still a guy. Thank God!

[@brianperkins2232]

I'll take whatever he's smoking tonight please. Maybe I should wait an hour. I'm still recovering from a Candace Owen s Blaire White conversation

[@Dano-uf8ys]

Sharon Cenna: I was only in Paris for 3 days.

[@go-goakins1489]

Hahaha! 😎🙌🤟

[@MystikBlue5]

Barley visible! I can't.

[@daveman5860]

Bertrice n Ernesta,, AKA; Bert n Ernie! F,,, now it all makes sense.

[@Zeldarw104]

Damn, Paul McCartney I didn't need to know that shit!? Just why, and I'm kinda glad Linda is not around to hear that but, Stella is please keep some mystery, celebrities, we don't need to know, all your damn, business?! Smdh.😟 Now, when I hear the 70's tune "listen to what the man said" I'm gonna think about John Lennon!?🤫 No, that just aint right?😬 And don't come for me, I'm just a music lover! 🤨

[@nikopawlowic6557]

Bill Maher, Rough and Ready toilet paper? You're ass can take the hard stuff? He's just wanting to see what jokes we come up with for that!

[@jeffreyjeziorski341]

@Niko....Bill has always been known to be a hard ass.

[@joysmith5179]

I love the colour of your shirt the hot pink one . You are very bad Bill

[@paulmc3457]

And also, DUNCAN HUNTER, tell me that isn't the coolest name for a big guy pornstar? Awesome, baby! 😆 😂💪

[@tracyavent-costanza346]

hey Hey HEY... no dissing Del Taco!

[@boblozaintherealworld3577]

Sorry, muchacha. Taco Bell rules!

[@tracyavent-costanza346]

@@boblozaintherealworld3577 muchach-O to you.

[@boblozaintherealworld3577]

@@tracyavent-costanza346 Sorry, Señor.

[@utapao74]

I liked the debaters pointing line, but Joe Biden is do a new he saluted someone in both debates. Real presidential.

[@mileslong7572]

She already did with antihero

[@janicemurphy7878]

Now irony is the truth. Aw

[@Dano-uf8ys]

You like rough and ready, it already exists, in France. Toilet paper so stiff you can actually write home to mom on it. No joke!!_

[@jacobzaranyika9334]

You are really having a hard time - it shows.

[@deeshiw1]

HAHAHAHAHA

[@rachellepeterson6225]

Hahaha!!!

[@ktmc3109]

Come together right now over me. Lol

[@JoshSweetvale]

Bill Maher is capable of *learning* and *growing.* How else is he gonna be all smug and superior? :P

[@wesleyhite8203]

Bill Maher sounds a lot like Dr. Evil.

[@808yorkie]

Country strong is a term used when someone manhandles something, like equipment, when he looks WAY to small to move it It's called country strong, and you don't use the term in a gym. It's sometimes called cock strong but that largely died out in the 50s and 60s for obvious reasons. I'm sure the movie socks tho

[@ciociaroirrequiete2927]

its ok as long as Van Jones laughs :P

[@fabioferro818]

Or men could wipe ourselves with sand paper №100

[@YaoEspirito]

I think all that smiling and pointing shit really got going with Hillary. Clap and smile, point! Clap and smile, point! Clap and point! point!

[@MrMagnusFogg]

The original clips have no stupid music added...

[@alwaysincentivestrumpethic6689]

😂😂😂

[@Tamar-sz8ox]

👏🏼😂👏🏼😂

[@phriedokra6158]

Taylor Swift needs codependent treatment...NOT another hit record.....this is boyfriend number 1000?! Wtf....

[@williamtoad8040]

Couldn’t he just grow a mustache to hide it 🤔

[@jesperkthomsen]

Come together Right now Over me

[@mariaquintana4477]

LMFAO

[@margueritehudsell4454]

Here's a title, The Trouble With Demons.

[@olgarhodes1648]

😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

[@adamc1966]

His stuff was so good...before he became obsessed with Trump. 😥

[@willieholmes1483]

Does anyone know who the lesbian biker chick is in the pic with Biden?

[@juliab7901]

#BillMaher a lot of stalking and fake concern here in Indiana. #JimIrsay #IndianapolisColts

[@isaacleillhikar4566]

New rule tell your own jokes. The one about the black panthers was stolen from a sketch journal for his shows, kept by Dave Chapelle. He forgot how it went exactly and then at the show he said "I don't blame the pow-lese. I blame them sssketch-artists, cuz they keep draarrwn the same bruthuh over and over and over again! Who is this generic man we all look like" I was rolling on the floor laughing in a Saint Lazare (Google images it) train station.

[@rebeccadent3725]

I keep waiting for Maher to say something funny.

[@davids5652]

REBECCA DENT So you’re dumb?