BJJ Dad’s Son Wants to Quit After 5 Straight Competition Losses

[@RichardQuirke]

My son lost his first 11 matches at competition, all these competitions were straight knockout and we had to travel a hundred miles or so to get to them all for 30 seconds of mat time and the odd default medal depending on bracket numbers, it was hard to keep taking him to compete but he had the will to keep trying (he was only 5 at the time) so we helped as much as we could taking him to as many as we could and extra training sessions and he finally got a win and his confidence went through the roof, going on to continue winning but staying humble with it, now he’s won gold at some big events and is a current European and British champion. He’s 8 now. But I think the losses build more character then the wins and now in hind sight I’m happy his journey started that way although it was hard to see it at the time. 🤙🏻 All the best.

[@hubster4477]

Lots of kids and parents do the traveling and training with out the payoff, golds, championships etc. no different than any other sport.

[@RichardQuirke]

Hubster yes obviously you are correct with your statement, my comment wasn’t to say “look how much training and travelling we do” 🤔🤔 it was more as chewie said, keep trying and the wins will come as long as the kid is motivated to do so as my son was.

[@hubster4477]

I guess the second part was what I was getting at. Sometimes when you keep trying and the wins don t come no matter how motivated your kid is. If your kid likes what he is doing it will make it a more enjoyable process, wins or not. Enjoy the success and be thankful, not many end up there!

[@IVIastodon]

Love it!

[@mkum2141]

One my friends started jiu jitsu when he was 17 year olds and lost his first 7 competitions. He is now one of the best black belts in Australia.

[@ducktah7126]

Needed that video more for my life than my Bjj practice Thanks Chew

[@bjjjudo7415]

Chewy, have you ever thought about writing a book? Seriously, your advise on every subject is spot on. I would love to have your book on my shelf.

[@rockymohacsi4227]

This is great advice. All of my biggest accomplishments came from relying on my past experiences and knowing “I’ve been here before and can do it if I continue to move forward”

[@ananmahir756]

To improve in jiu jitsu I would say to drill more then roll

[@karmanyngje4907]

@si2504 Whilst I agree rolling is the best way to try out our techniques, I also think drill drill drill, is the way to cement those techniques into muscle memory. If one is only rolling without mastering the basics, then the small details will be lost by using strength over technique etc to avoid tapping, thus leading to frustration.

[@karmanyngje4907]

Drilling with a good "bad guy" partner is essential I reckon. If your partner is being too passive and not giving you correction feedback, then you might as well just be training with a grappling dummy, or doing only fresh air katas.

[@adadses1979]

Drilling is over looked a lot. Make the moves become second nature. We chain techniques- pass - high mount - Ezekiel - Roger Gracie collar choke - arm bar for instance. Amazing how the moves become naturally to mind after doing this.

[@adamturowski3765]

Simply one has to strike the right balance. Most gyms I've been to had only two modes of training: drilling the techniques with almost no resistance and then sparring with 100% resistance. They were missing stage between where you slowly increase the resistance and also do positional sparring. The result was that people's games were very uneven: they had only half a dozen of working techniques to which they sticked to during sparring and almost never learned new ones. So they were not spending their mat time effectively and were improving slowly. To avoid that my rule of thumb is to spend 30% of time drilling with light resistance, 30% drilling gradually increasing resistance, 20% on positional sparring and 20% in full resistance rolling.

[@enthymeme4856]

I think they work in conjunction with each other. You need to drill to get that muscle memory, and you need to roll to practice implementing your techniques.

[@joeiacovino]

When my son started 6yrs ago he got smashed in the gym and in competition. I changed my tone along the way to take the focus off of winning and more on being a life-long learner, and most importantly, a professional. Now, he is a solid competitor at 13 yrs old and has a work ethic second to none. Always find something they did well in each training session or competition rather than focus on what could have been better. I don't care if it was shrimping during warm-ups, it changes the whole tone of the car ride later. #BewareTheQuicksand

[@bulldog3722]

Definitely feel this kids struggle. I'm 1-5 and just feels like I'm letting my coaches and team down. Completely explains why I'm white belt longer then I'm comfortable admitting to. I'm at point just excepting it as a hobby and I'm not very competitive. Truth is though I could be white belt my whole god given life and it'll never take away how much I enjoy learning.

[@chrisbay8578]

Newly minted bluebelt, who had like 12 matches as a whitebelt before i won anything... either a draw or plane lost. And i'm pretty sure that record will repeat itself once i make it to the Danish Open i April. But who cares? Competiotions are a part of a much bigger journey, and teaching your kid that winning isn't everything if you do something you like, might even be a good thing. Best of luck to max though :)

[@uipize]

agree. if he want to do it, let him do it. but often parents pushing the kids.. than back off

[@hubster4477]

Here's a fact of life, not everybody "breaks out" and starts to steamroll everybody. After 17 years of sub grappling, it's like any other sport. After a while you find out if you're a natural, going to be ok or just a weekend warrior. Not everybody makes the ufc or abu dhabi championships. Fact of life. It'll go a lot easier if you truly enjoy what you are doing and have a small ego!

[@lelandemmanuelmarquez4125]

8 loss in a row here. Been training hard to finally enter the "flow zone"

[@Effexlol]

So much to unpack here. He’s barely a white belt for starters, so let’s just chill out for a second. He is a kid and none of the tournaments should hold any weight, someone needs to tell him that. It’s such a small part of what jiu-jitsu is. He should do it because he loves it so no one should be forcing him to do anything. If he wants to quit and give up maybe too much pressure for outside sources are being thrown on him. There is so much more to say about this.

[@hubster4477]

But he's not the only kid getting ready to hit puberty in his division, and not the only one training hard and smart. Who knows what he'll do, just have fun!

[@zivot92]

Dunno.. i wouldn't push them to compete if they do not want it for sure it is not a good thing at all.. but pushing them to train at least the bare minimum is other thing.. with that said they should do what they naturally want. I remember when i started karate i loved doing it at first 2 year more or less, then i kind of got bored or what.. then my parents pushed me to just to train and inspired me to go for a black belt i puted so much time into it and boom, not that long after i started to enjoy again and sparr with older guys.. can't even describe how usefull that age gap sparring and injurys was for me later in life... but in other hand may ended up make me crazy.. i am the guy who sparr nd like to talk nd laugh while doing it, especially jitsu.. thats why i can't understand when they say they got adrenalin rush in training while sparring.. i am wtf man no one is going to hit you here 😅

[@patrickgoggin451]

Hey Chewy! I'm a BJJ white belt, and I've been all in on training for the past 4 or 5 months. I found a great local gym with a fantastic community and dedicated head instructor named Enrique. Starting with this new year, Enrique is making the leap to focussing on his gym full time. I wanted to know if you had any marketing/business tips to help him grow the gym's membership. He's already got a great space in a dense student neighborhood surrounding a big university, and he's put money into developing a compelling visual identity for the brand (apparel, professional website, social media etc). If possible, I want to like to help him get more people through the front door. I know a good percentage of people who try the gym will love it and stick around. I just want to see his business venture succeed, as I've benefited so much from what he's built so far. Also, I'm always catching people techniques from your channel during open rolls, so thank for that!

[@mattmgarza]

This video is wonderful. This is just what I needed to hear.

[@jordanparman9433]

Did one season of wrestling, lost every match and didn't sign up again. Years later, as a white belt, I've had a lot of success using my wrestling experience. Wish I had stuck with it.

[@brandongatewood3267]

Hahahahahaha “0h, so you’re just a bull shitter” lmao! Love this dude. Thanks Chewy

[@yimbosrandomcorner9923]

Now would be a good time to tell him about Chuck Norris and how he lost until no one could stop him and won karate championships for six straight years. Felipe Costa is also a good example, but I think Norris is better because you can elaborate on how he kept building on top of his karate success.

[@professor_peculiar619]

I lost 4 fights before I got a single win then I immediately lost again 🙃ups and downs it is what it is 🤷‍♂️

[@blindassassin8553]

I am Dealing with this now. BJJ and judo for over a year. I feel like quitting every class but I will not I cant wait till I break though this wall. Dont give up!

[@hubster4477]

What wall are you trying to break through?

[@blindassassin8553]

@@hubster4477 The wall of losing in bjj and judo. Constantly losing is frustrating and discouraging. I constantly want to quit. Even when I competed I lost. I am trying to break through this barrier and start winning.

[@hubster4477]

Do you need to compete? Do you love bjj and judo? I did 17 years of submission grappling and never competed. It was something I liked to do, but as a hobby, get in shape, fun etc. I took it up to meet people, have fun, learn something, but not get wrapped up in tournaments and wins and losses. Half my gym competed half didnt. No big deal either way. Grappling against other people besides the people in your gym is a good thing. It exposes you to different styles and techniques and to meet new people. If that means tournaments than so be it. But have fun, meet new people and don t take it too seriously!

[@blindassassin8553]

@@hubster4477 True! Thank you. You're correct. I would like to compete, but it isn't a must. I take most things too seriously and never realy enjoy the process of it. Thank you for giving me some perspective.

[@hubster4477]

Good luck, meet cool people and have fun!!

[@Roaggie]

Its win or learn. I'm bad at timed matches like naga. I did good at submission only.i just couldn't get a game going in that short(for me) time

[@matthewpumilio218]

Just wanted to say thanks for all the content! You have helped a ton with not just Jiujitsu but with knowing there are others that go through similar situations! I have had an achilles injury for seven months now. So training has been impossible, I’ve never had pain like this in my life. What are some things that I can do to get myself into the gym and at least be around the people I want to be around? Because as of right now KZbin Jiujitsu and Red Dead Redemption has been my life. I guess I’m looking some reasons why it’s worth to at least show up even while injured. Hope that makes sense:/

[@AdamDorozinski]

Small suggestion from the father of competing 8yo ;-) You don't have to win the fight to be a winner! Everything depends on where you put your goals. If you aim for gold - you are going to be defeated even with silver on your chest... My son started to compete (my suggestion, but his decision) in age of 6, after less than one year of training. I was absolutely sure that on his first tournament he's going to get his ass whooped ... but we discussed this, and set realistic goal to achieve: go on the mat and survive two minutes, no matter what result will be. So even that he lost in his fights, he fulfilled the plan in 100%. Good reason to celebrate! :D Then I was pushing the goal a little bit further: get your first points. Pull the guard. Go for takedown. Still - don't care much about the fight result: win, loose, whatever. It takes away a lot of pressure, and helps to go through this in small steps. It took 5-6 tournaments before it clicked. And then miracle happened, and he won so many fights without a single loss that I lost the count ;-)

[@nicholasneyhart396]

Thanks for posting. I was having a bad day but I can't help but smile reading this. Hope you and your son are well.

[@thomaskunz3089]

im a 3 stripe white belt (got my third stripe YESTERDAY, FOR REAL, r welcome) , i wanted to compete, i got 3 medals (2 second places and 1 third place) and a trophy (best fighter of the season -70kg starters) quitting is not an option, i study at a (sportsschool) where i learn about positive coaching etc and one of the most important things is, u dont PUSH too much cus if you push it too much you can BREAK it, kids dont take it serious, its all a game for them (chewie those are your words back there) so keep ti a game, keep it fun for them, maybe thats what the kid wants, or maybe this would be a way to put some drive into him, one thing i do have every time i step on the mat is have fun, if youre not having fun u stop it right away and go home, competing is a very stressful experince (imagine how stressful it is for a kid man) i had a very bad trainer who used to bitchslap me scream very close to my face, throw me at the ground and hit me and he also had a 9year old son who was (and probably still is) competing at judo and everytime the kid would go to a competition i would go with him and my trainer to watch (i trained 3 years with this crazy guy) and i remember him getting angry at the kid for losing and saying, omg ur so dumb you could have done this u could have done that, u lost cause ur stupid, well, are you giving the POSITIVE coaching to your kid or are you destroying him before he can even become something, i (personally) think kids shouldnt compete, they should go to open mats so that they could play, have fun and roll with other kids, hell maybe even eat some cake and THAT would be awesome.

[@Crystals10000]

i look at it this way...someone will always be better then you are and its not a reflection on how good or bad your jiu jitsu is enjoy bjj for what it is

[@chrisscoggins3151]

Chew, could you do a video on tips, strategies and ways to teach kids? Particularly kids 4-7. I assist in coaching a kids class and want to do better to make it fun, yet instructional. Thanks!

[@idkhehe658]

losing is essential but i know how devastating it feels

[@joshtaylor1438]

Chewy I'm 15 and I just started you jitsu. I really enjoy it and I even kinda like getting beat in sparring. However, all the guys I train with are 20 or much older, so I'm having trouble making friends. Advice?

[@lo-fiislove]

It will come with time man, i'm 18 years old and sure there are some people in my gym that's the same age as me, but the majority is over 30, i get along with them really, really well.

[@marcuskartsounis8421]

I’m a 17 year old blue belt best advice I can give you is try and create a mentor like relationship with the blue, purple and even higher striped white belts. Ask them questions about techniques and submissions, reach out for help and be friendly. Most guys would be more than happy to take you under your wing if the people you train with are as friendly as the people in my gym :)

[@lo-fiislove]

@@marcuskartsounis8421 Exactly, the blue ,purple and higher belts are very friendly at my gym to, doing something you love with people that are absolutely amazing is a great feeling.

[@Mr850man]

get older

[@harageilucid4352]

Josh: theres not much to do, buddy. Just work hard, be respectful of everyone you train with and be patient. Exploring the internet has a negative effect on people in the sense that we develop a lot of opinions and feel we are experts in everything, lol. Be coachable! Understand that youre in a really great position right now in the sense that you have so many cool people to learn from. This might sound bad but in my first bjj gym we had new people come in every week or so. I would say 1 out of every 10-15 would still be around after four months. I stoped even caring what their names were when they came in because i knew that they were most likely going to be gone soon, anyway. So think of Jiujitsu as being measured in YEARS, not classes. Commit yourself to the long haul and in time, people will see that youre serious and they will respect you for it.

[@youngrevival9715]

I lost 4 times today. My first tournament. But I loved it. Been training 3 months with no previous grappling or mma art experience

[@wheelswanch]

Competition is not required. Pull back from competing for 6 months or so.

[@Drew-zf3ul]

Hi chewy could you possibly show the 100% and the truck back takes but in the gi

[@alexbarsky5349]

Hey what camera do you use? Great video btw!

[@mgojich]

I ask my son if he does and if he says yes we do and if he says no we don't.

[@HippieSlayer17]

Well said Chewy. Back off Jim! (if you pushed him into competition before he was ready).

[@karmanyngje4907]

A three stripe white belt seems a bit inexperienced to already be competing, let alone 5 competitions. I'd imagine he is still only just getting to grips with the basics, and has a ways to go before being able to put it all together in a stressful environment.

[@Daniel5225BR]

karma nyngje i think competing is a great way to get experience tho. He may learn more in a comp than in a few months of training

[@karmanyngje4907]

I get that, but after losing 5 straight competitions, I'd imagine he is a bit downhearted about the whole thing. Hopefully he will be like Chewies example and push through to greatness, and not think it's too much for him and quit, thinking that's it, before he had chance to learn enough to really compete. I'm from the Gracie school though, so competing doesn't really come into it for me, but I can understand the want to compete, I hate just getting tapped out whilst rolling. lol.

[@impulsive1252]

What are you on about, I had my first competition after 4 or so months of training. This kid is nearly a blue belt, it's definitely not too soon to compete.

[@karmanyngje4907]

Like I said, I come from a non competitive school. We don't even roll until we've grasped the basics, what's the point of throwing someone in the deep end, if they don't have a clue how to swim? A lot of BJJ schools use their white belts as fodder for the higher belts. I don't see that as advantageous for anybody except the higher belts egos. If this boys coach didn't see he wasn't ready for competing, Which he obviously wasn't, the first must have been way before his third stripe, then why did he put him in for it?

[@Crystals10000]

my first competition fight i got squashed bad...but i can still fight with blue belts and hold my ground even as a white belt but losing showed me where i lacked

[@DavidAbell26]

Might I say, beard looks better unstyled....just my opinion lol love you chewie

[@adrianaperezz3351]

It’s funny how my dad said I can’t compete until I got my grey/white belt😂

[@ghostjr7234]

Do you have to wear a white gi or can you wear any color gi?

[@cearbhaillblain]

It depends, IBJJF says white and blue for competition, somes schools stick to that too. Gi's can be expensive so maybe that's why. Other schools just don't really care i reckon. These guys had a really cool gray GI but it would be no use to me in competition so i didn't buy one. Hope this helps!

[@ghostjr7234]

Cearbhaill Blain I just meant in general like if you could go to any bjj academy and wear any color gi

[@cearbhaillblain]

@@ghostjr7234 In that case I would ask the profesor, I know in our school that it is not the case, you can rent out GI's, but just any type is not allowed. So no harm or foul bringing your own, but I would recommend asking before you go change!!!

[@ghostjr7234]

Cearbhaill Blain thanks that helped🙏🏽

[@tke71709]

Partial scholarship to a high school? Like a private high school?

[@zac4922]

He probably meant to say college

[@bencanada4208]

How do I submit a question

[@yoseifkaminetzky1398]

Brandon Schuster “submit” 😂😂😂

[@JASNSOUNDS]

Rear naked comment

[@40tired]

I went 0-15 over the last 3 years and burned my gi today after getting slaughtered 17-0 in front of everyone ...fuck jiu jitsu....i train so hard and end up in despair ...fuck jiu jitsu

[@jrock2019]

Maybe you would of won on the 16th and if not the 20th

[@hattorihaso2579]

Lol i also lost my first 4-5 tourneys lost the first match everytime and then i got gold imo its just a click you have to make

[@harageilucid4352]

If he quits on an all losing record hes gonna see himself as a loser.

[@eastafrika728]

From a coach who's fighters have never lost, it is all in drills, drills, drills, drills are much better than sparring.

[@badwerds]

The barrier exists in all disciplines. Gotta suck to git gud at anything

[@jamesmcmurray451]

Shit I'm 0-7, who cares? Just enjoy the game.

[@davidworrell86]

Hell yeah