Black Agnus: Scotland's One Woman Army

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It's Medieval times. You are the greatest military mind England has ever seen, you're the most respected man in the country, the personal confidant of the King, and you are sent against a tiny country whose military power is barely a 10th of your own and you are sent to wipe them out with the largest army ever created in the western world.
And some housewife starts giving you disrespect.
How would you react?
Watch the video and find out.
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Sources:
Black Agnes by Ben Johnson
www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK...
Lost Dunbar:
www.lostdunbar.co.uk/black-agn...
Black Agnes of Dunbar ~ Tennyson’s Princess
(no online version available)
Black Agnes; A Romance of the Siege of Dunbar
randomscottishhistory.com/

[@LazerPig]

Install Raid for Free ✅ IOS/ANDROID/PC: clcr.me/R_LazerPig and get a special starter pack 💥 Available only for the next 30 days

[@romania5106]

Do I have to repeat myself

[@ciabattasupreme]

Does clicking the link get you closer to buying a new computer? or is the check already signed? Edit: Checkqueckue

[@spartanx9293]

You are the same person who criticized war thunder for being a pay to win slog and yet you are promoting raid Shadow Legends a game that is all around worse and one that you likely have never touched

[@DarkOmegaMK2]

no

[@IMP_ROM]

@@spartanx9293 Facts.

[@Palemagpie]

Agnes is the prime example of. "Just you wait until my husband gets home.....to see what I've done to you"

[@ladywaffle2210]

"You'd best hope my husband arrives home soon to spare you the worst of your humiliation."

[@hurricaneofpuns3722]

"I'll let you take the first swing and if you don't put me down, I'll beat the living shit out of you until my arthritis kicks in. And I just took my Humera!" -Rose "Triple Threat" Whalen, Venture Bros

[@spartancolonel]

Honestly the fact that a handful of people in a castle could hold off an entire army, kinda explains itself why feudalism lasted as long as it did.

[@hlibushok]

Wait, what does it have to do with feudalism?

[@leodesalis5915]

@@hlibushok the feudal baron lived in his castle with a handful of good men and the peasants would never stand a chance overthrowing him, if a professional army with siege weapons struggles then a rag tag punch of malnourished peasants with little more than sharpened farm equipment don't stand much chance.

[@hlibushok]

@@leodesalis5915 What? What does that have to do with feudalism? Fortifications work just fine without feudalism.

[@leodesalis5915]

@@hlibushok yeah fortifications without feudalism works well on its own, feudalism without fortifications doesn't last too long, the people would just overthrow their liege lord if he treated them like shit, but if he has a castle and a couple hundred men then you have no chance to overthrow him.

[@hlibushok]

@@leodesalis5915 I think the original comment was talking about how castles worked better with feudalism, which doesn't make much sense. But your comment does.

[@JeredtheShy]

I like to think that Agnus' husband finally returned to ask if anything had happened in his absence and she replied, "Oh, not much. Some Englishmen came calling but they left."

[@MURPHYCHACHO]

"That's nice, dear. Hope you had fun."

[@crazeelazee7524]

Wait, that scene in Samurai Jack where the Scotsman spends a solid minute insulting Jack was inspired by a real thing?

[@mrjoe332]

Dunbar Soldier: "Your highness! We're surrounded by the English! With no army, what shall we do?" Agnus: "Troll them for an entire semester."

[@Johan_the_Marshal]

Her guards: "Yes my Lady." *Smiles in Scottish glee*

[@FancyMcSchmancy]

Montague: *screams in pure unadulterated agony*

[@davidharner5865]

@@Johan_the_Marshal Scots.

[@DazsdWTP]

@@FancyMcSchmancy while one hitting full ciggies that don't exist yet one after another

[@cockatoo010]

They would address her as "My lady" she wasn't a queen I mean, she acted like one though

[@Zanuth-001]

Worth remembering Agnes would have only been about 26 at the time, going by her given date of birth. A 26 year old woman made a mockery of the pride of Medieval English military might

[@nowhereman6019]

Best Girl

[@juanmanuelpenaloza9264]

hashbrown Girlboss

[@themaskedmysadaean8885]

@@juanmanuelpenaloza9264 hashbrown boss grill indeed!!

[@marianpazdzioch6632]

back in a days 26 was already quite mature age

[@Galm02]

@@marianpazdzioch6632 yeah, life expectancy wasn’t the greatest

[@TheWriteFiction]

Please do more Scottish tales, please. This was the most entertaining half hour I've had watching something and learning about historical legends in a while, all while drinking cider and eating cake. It was absurdly good.

[@stuartmiddleton1972]

You have outlined the perfect life. Nirvana

[@patttrick]

Watch "scottish history tours"

[@KristovMars]

I second this motion - I'd love to hear more stories of the Scots thrashing and humiliating the English. Assuming there are any more of them of course :D Agnes is now my number one historical crush, having just dethroned Ada Lovelace. I love me a smart woman, but not as much as a smart, sassy woman with bigger balls than the next ten men put together. I'll sleep well tonight, romantic dreams of my Scottish liege lady slapping and humiliating a powerful Englander general for 5 months straight.

[@HarryFlashmanVC]

WE WNT DA WOLF OF BADENOCH INNIT

[@Durakus42]

LaserPig, I have become utterly enamored with your channel for sometime. but of all the videos you’ve done, this is by far my favorite. Last time I was in Scotland, doing some family genealogy research, I was amazed at all of the folklore tails that exist in every town I visited. I absolutely hope that you get the time in your busy schedule to expand upon more of them. When introducing my friends to your channel, this is always the video I show them, and it has never been a disappointment.

[@wizardapprenticeIV]

the thing with lindybeige, isn't that he's a good historian. He's just immortal and has really good memory so he just remembers what he was doing a couple centuries ago.

[@lukelandis3090]

Lindybeige is King Arthur confirmed? (;

[@nanni-buyerofcopper]

Tbh this is definitely true

[@kkupsky6321]

Well. There can only be only Highlander. Lazerpig has the hooves so I dunno. I dunno.

[@DotmatrixHistory]

The idea that Lindybeige is a history demon that can recall any piece of history ever at any point (possible fuelled by human sacrifice) is absolutely brilliant and definitely true.

[@jukeseyable]

As is the idea that he is totally full of click bait shit!

[@tactiti0n]

@@jukeseyable Sir, we cut him, but he seems to be bleeding A4 printouts of... thumbnails?

[@_Beamish]

@@jukeseyable Oh shut it

[@profusemoose1488]

@@jukeseyable He's so fantastic when he's focused on a narrative/story fairly well, but goes off into the weeds in this specific way sometimes that turns me off. Maybe he's like Dan Carlin - needs a helper and to spend more time on a script.

[@philipsalama8083]

He needs a sacrifice of 1000 history undergrads every day or his skull throne stops working and his powers disappear.

[@vincebeckworth911]

Currently stopping in Dunbar and remembered this video. My daughter now impressed with Dad's historical (if profane) knowledge. More of this would be great - a LP history tour would be the perfect antidote to the Outlander trail I have to endure tomorrow. Thank you.

[@soupssheetshow1407]

I would love to see a video on what the Borderers did to piss off the Archbishop of Glasgow so much that he decided to lay this beauty of a curse upon the entirety of the Lowlands and Northumbria. (Clears throat) “Good folks, hear my Archbishop of Glasgow’s letter under his round seal, directed to me or any other chaplain, makes mention and says how, with great regret, how heavy he bears the piteous, lamentable and dolorous complaint which has passed through Scotland and come to the his ears, be of open voice and good repute, how our Sovereign Lord’s true subjects, men, women and children all bought and redeemed by the precious blood of our Saviour Jesus Christ, and living by his laws pointlessly murdered, slain, burnt, hurt, despoiled and robbed, openly by daylight and under silence of the night, and their belongings and lands laid waste, and their selves driven there from, on church lands as well as others, by common traitors, reavers, and thieves dwelling in the south part of this realm, such as Teviotdale, Eskdale, Liddsdale, Ewisdale, Nithsdale, and Annanderdale; who have been in diverse ways pursued and punished by the temporal sword and our Sovereign Lord’s authority, and dread not the same. "And therefore my said Lord Archbishop of Glasgow has thought it expedient to strike home with the terrible sword of the Holy Church, so that you may not need any longer endure and resist; and has charged me, or any other chaplain, to denounce, declare and proclaim them openly and generally cursed, at this market cross and all other public places. Therefore, through power and authority of Almighty God, the Father of Heaven, his Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ and of the Holy Ghost; through the power and authority of the Blessed Virgin Saint Mary, Saint Michael, Saint Gabriel and all the angels; Saint John the Baptist, and all the holy patriarchs and prophets; Saint Peter, Saint Paul, Saint Andro and all the holy apostles; Saint Lawrence and all the holy martyrs; Saint Giles, Saint Martin and all holy confessors; Saint Anne, Saint Katharine and all the holy virgins and matrons; and for all the saints and holy company of heaven; be the power and authority of our Holy Father the Pope and his Cardinals, and of my said Lord Archbishop of Glasgow, and the advice and assistance of my Lords, Archbishop, bishops, abbots, priors and other prelates and ministries of the Holy Church. "I denounce, proclaim and declare to all and sundry, that the committing of the said pointless murders and slaughtering of innocents, burnings, cattle rustling, plundering, thefts and despoiling; both openly in the daylight and under silence of night, as well as within Church property and on Church land; together with their partakers, assistants, suppliers, knowing receivers of their persons, the goods burnt and stolen by them, or any part thereof, and the counsellors and defenders of their evil deeds are generally cursed, loathed, detested, denounced and collectively curses with the great cursing. "I curse their heads and all the hairs of their heads, I curse their faces, their eyes, their mouths, their noses, their tongues, their teeth, their chins, their shoulders, their breasts, their hearts, their stomachs, their backs, their sexual organs, their arms, their legs, their hands, their feet and every like part of their body, from the top of their heads to the souls of their feet, before and behind (fronts and backs), within and without. "I curse them going and curse them riding; I curse them standing and I curse them seated; I curse them eating, I curse them drinking; I curse them walking, I curse them sleeping; I curse them risen, I curse them lying down; I curse them at home, I curse them out of the home; I curse their wives and I curse their children, and their servants and all who participate with them in what they decide. I come against their friends, their cattle, their wool, their sheep, their swine, their geese, their hens all their livestock. I come against their halls, their bedrooms, their kitchens, their standings, their barns, their cowsheds, their barnyards, their cabbage patches, their ploughs, their harrows and the goods and houses which are necessary for their sustenance and their welfare. "All the maliciousness and curses which ever a worldly creature since the beginning of the world to this hour, might land upon them. The wrath of God which landed upon Lucifer (Satan) and all his fellow demons, that struck them from the high heavens to deep hell, may it land (alight) upon them. The fire and the sword which stopped Adam from the gates of Paradise (Eden) may they stop them from the glory of Heaven, until they forebear and make amends. The maliciousness that alighted upon and cursed Cain when he slew his brother Abel with guilt, may alight on those who are guilty of slaughter which they commit daily. The maliciousness which alighted upon all the world, upon man and beast and upon all that ever took life, when all was drowned in the flood of Noah, except for Noah and his ark must have been upon them and drowned them, both man and beast, making this realm deeply troubled by them and their wicked sins. The thunder and fire balls which rained down on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah and all the lands around them, and burnt them, for their vile lifestyles, must rain down upon them and turn them to consume them with fire for their open sin. The maliciousness and confusion which alighted upon the giants for their oppression and pride, building the tour or Babylon must confound them and all their works, for their open plunder and oppression. All the plagues which fell upon Pharaoh and his people of Egypt, their lands, crops and animals must fall upon them, their farmlands, homes, steadings and milk-sheds. The waters of the River Tweed and other river waters through which they ride through must drown them, as the Red Sea drowned Pharaoh’s people from Egypt while rescuing God’s people of Israel. The earth must tear and split open and swallow them alive into hell as it swallowed the cursed Dathan and Abiram who rebelled against Moses and the command of God. The wild fire which burnt Korah and his followers to the number of 250, and another 14,000 and 7,000 at once, usurpers against Moses and Aaron, the servants of God, not suddenly and without warning burn and consume them, but daily, for standing against the commands of God and the Holy Church. The maliciousness, the malediction which fell suddenly upon fair Absalom, when riding through the wood to confront his father, King David, servant of God, the branches of one tree lifted him from his horse and hanged the heir, just as it lies upon true Scottish men to hang them in the same manner, for all the world to see. The malediction, the curse which landed upon Nebuchadnezzar’s lieutenant, Holofernes for warring and persecuting true Christian men; the malediction which alighted upon Judas, Pilate, Herod and the Jews who crucified Our Lord, and all the plagues and tribulations which alighted on Jerusalem thereafter, and upon Simon the Sorcerer for his attempting to buy Godly blessings, bloody Nero, the cursed Ditius Makcensisu, Olibruis, Julianus the Apostate and the rest of the cruel tyrants who slew and murdered Christ’s holy servants, must alight upon them for their tyranny, murder and martyring of Christian people. "And all the vengeance that ever has been taken since the beginning of the world for open sins and all the plagues and pestilence that ever befell man or beast might fall on them and on them for their open plundering and theft, senseless slaughter shedding of innocent blood. I sever, excommunicate and part them from the Church of God and deliver them vigorously to the devil of hell, as the Apostle Saint John delivered the Corinthians. I prohibit and bar the places to which they go for divine services and ministerings of the Sacraments of the Holy Church, except the sacraments of Baptism allegiance, and forbid all Churchmen to hear confessions or to absolve them of their sins, until they first be absolved of this cursing. "I forbid all Christian men and women to have any company with them; to eat, drink, speak, pray, lie with, walk with, stand with or in any other thing or way do with them, on pain of deadly sin. I discharge all marriage bands, acts, contracts, oaths and obligations made to them by any persons, other of law, kindness, Christian obligation so long as they sustain this cursing allowing that no man e burdened to them, and that this burdened to all men. I take from them and call down all the good deeds that you did or shall do, until you rise from this cursing. I declare them time wasters of all Matins, Masses, Evensongs, dirges or other prayers, on the Bible of the Rosary; for all pilgrimages and alms giving done or to be done in the Holy Church or to be Christening people, enduring this cursing. "And, finally, I condemn them perpetually to the deep pit of hell, to remain with Lucifer and all his kind, and their bodies to the gallows of the town hill, first to be hanged, then rent and torn with dogs and swine and other wild beasts, an abomination to all the world. And their candles go from your sight, just as their souls go from the vision of God and their good fame from the world, until they forbear their open sins, before mentioned, and arise from this terrible cursing and make satisfaction and penance.”

[@Ass_of_Amalek]

UHM

[@WhatIsSanity]

Wow.. Beauty of a curse indeed. I wonder if any of those denounced by the Archbishop took the time to read or hear the curse in full.

[@claeab255]

I accidentally pressed "read more" and instantly regretted it

[@theol.1988]

I am going to learn this curse by heart and eventually use it in School. That'll teach them.

[@elonwhatever]

He was a long winded fellow

[@nickmontalbano9573]

The more you watch LazerPig, the more he evolves into the YT Historical Community’s Man of Mystery. A Legend openly mocking lesser and more sober KZbinrs by insultingly slapping his ass through the hatch of his custom Char 2C.

[@boobah5643]

He painted it red, didn't he?

[@nickmontalbano9573]

@@boobah5643 his ass? More than likely.

[@RD1R]

I heard he had a mud pit installed in place of half the ammo rack

[@lnhp5592]

@@boobah5643 Ant it's got the crusader's suspension glued onto it.

[@ewanhogg3068]

@@boobah5643 Yeah, now it goes *3* miles per hour.

[@thomasanderson440]

Hooray! Also, dude you need a patreon, I'd happily kick a few bucks in. And ABSOLUTELY yes to anything on the age of sail or more Scottish history.

[@CoobyPls]

LP accepts donations in eggs

[@ImperiumLibertas]

He needs a subscribestar not patreon. Subscribestar is apolitical and doesn't censor like Patreon does.

[@dogwhistle8836]

Not patreon as they have no sense of humour on military topics

[@TomF1F1Gameplaysandmore]

@@dogwhistle8836 bullshit, if chapo trap house or cumtown can use patreon so can lazerpig

[@kyleleeson4498]

@@CoobyPls I thought the donations were in Lego sets

[@stinkytoy]

I would LOVE to watch a video on any Age of Sail topic you want! I'm a mechanical engineer, and I have always been fascinated by the incremental progress made in ship technology, and the major types/classes of ships created over the centuries. You are very good at breaking down the design differences between 20th century combat vehicles like tanks and planes, and the implications of those differences. So perhaps you could do the same for some old ships? Maybe a story or two of one country or navy being incredibly outclassed by their enemy, or why you couldn't just sail across the Atlantic with medieval ships. Really, whatever you want to talk about. Not even ships. Love your videos :)

[@LTBLACKCOAT]

I was not expecting a Hourofpoop reference of all things, good to see due credit too. Otherwise an entertaining and informative history lesson.

[@LazerPig]

Gotta give my favourite channel some love.

[@mercenarygundam1487]

Timestamp is 30:47 if for those curious.

[@comradejeb2248]

A brief overview of Scotland. Scotland is a place that exists. A long time ago something happened there. If you ask people from Scotland a generic question they respond with “Freeeeedddddoooooommmmm”. People sometimes leave Scotland. Only a few with all their limbs. Scotland has a few problems I assume, England being one possibility. The national drink is iron brew and depression. In a couple cases, the Scottish did stuff. Though in most cases they didn’t. Scotland sat in the trenches. They were placed against Bavarians to see what was more insufferable. Drunk screaming over bagpipes or drunk screaming over yodelling. It is often thought that Rudolf Hess died in a plane crash over Scotland. Recent analysis shows he actually died of a heart attack from all the fried food. Scotland has a few similarities with Mexico. None of which I can mention. It has a thing called the NHS. Not sure what fast food chain this is, but can’t compete with KFC. If you go to Scotland, there are football hooligans. Avoid them, unless you are French, then have at it. Sometimes these people migrate south in search of dirtier pastures and decently paid jobs in the city of shanksville London, this is because Scotland has been deprived of rampant knife crime, and the people want to get down and brawl. The further North you go in Scotland the fewer people you meet, this is a good thing. People in Scotland are usually quite weird. They’ll deep fry your testicle if given half the chance. Protect them. Still better than Birmingham for a thousand reasons. The Scottish, if given the chance, would have dug a hole and handed over Margret thatcher to the devil themselves. Instead of wasting tax money. In Scotland they came up with a political party. It complains, but is funny. Scotland has 2 types of weather. Wet and more wet. It is still disputed whether Scotland’s capital is on Earth, I have been there, it’s on the moon Io. The last time the sun was seen in Scotland: N/A A common mistake is to assume Scotland is Wales. It is understandable. Scotland is Polish, depending on sources. There are two vowels in Scotland except if there isn’t. Scotland has won a few awards. One being that place where the thing happened at some point runner up award. Coming second to Costa Rica. It is still wondered, if Scotland ever civilised. I can confirm, they have not. Scotland has green, this is because the artists got lazy when colouring its landscapes. The water in Scotland is the best in the world, However the Loch Ness monster prevents access to it. Scotland is rightful claimant of Tibet, free Scottish Tibet! A famous Scottish tradition is to be buried with your deep fryer during your funeral. The Scottish weakness is anything above 7K. The population of Scotland has been counted to 2 and estimated at 6, efforts to more accurately judge this have been postponed indefinitely due to the high casualty rate. This has been a brief overview of Scotland, thank you.

[@rxfclaymore8782]

Am Scottish. Can confirm

[@Ser-Vex131]

After living here for 10 years i can say you missed only 1 thing. The third weather type, Frozen.

[@halogeek6]

I kept waiting for the punch line. It never came. Damn Scotland needs to get its shit together. Least the Irish have there whiskey drunk reputation for doing stupid shit.

[@johndoe-ld9sm]

Free Scottish Tibet!

[@Knowie117]

Visited Scotland for a week a while back, forgot to mention the *WIND*

[@owenphillips9909]

There are not words for how much I want a 4-hour LazerPig video about the Age of Sail, as it would be difficult to authentically translate ecstatic Neanderthal whooping into text

[@bradenculver7457]

8:20 Id actually be very interested where that came from. It goes against everything I know of Egypt, and what I’ve heard from a lot of egyptologists. Because Ra is supposed to literally be Egyptian word for the sun, as well as the god, and was definitely Coptic Egyptian for sun, and all iconography of Ra and his various aspects are very closely linked to solar imagery. It seems like “hidden light” could come from one of Ra’s associations with the sun and the horizon, the hidden light of the sun as it rises and sets, or with his association with Amun, the hidden god, and the fusion of the two in Amun-Ra, which would make sense with the translation “god of the hidden light”. But afaik, Ra is the god of the sun and was also the Egyptian word for the sun. I’m super curious where you got this from, I doubt you’ll see this comment on the some 2000 here, but would love to know if you do. I’m legitimately curious, and would love a chance to either correct my misconceptions or your own, wherever they lay. Or maybe that what you were correcting was that Amun-Ra was the more common version of the god than the singular Ra, sun, deity. I don’t know, and that short quip just makes me so curious now, so I would love to hear about it, although I know that probably won’t happen.

[@guyagena8205]

Maybe he's saying the saying the Egyptians discovered IR and UV.

[@sonofeyeabovealleffoff5462]

It's actually Re and Re is the Sun. What LazerPig is explaining is the Amun-Ra/Amon-Re The Hidden Name and Light of Re. That weird ass tale about Asyet (Isis) Using Re's drool and the dirt he drooled on when He was in the form of an old man to fashion a snake to poison Him with so He could tell Her His secret Name that was the source of all of His power. Armed with it She gave a mere fraction of that name to her son Heru (Horus). I tend to disregard that as Set and Apep were the evil gods and I just can't see Asyet doing that. Yes I know the lengths a mother would go to protect their son but doing something underhanded like that just isn't in Her Nature. I also tend to discredit the recorded idea of their gods growing old. It sounds like Ancient Greece exaggerated a few tales and aspects of the religion during their reign over the New Kingdom. Greece's gods starved and died without worship. Not so Kemet's.

[@bradenculver7457]

@@sonofeyeabovealleffoff5462I was thinking he just misspoke and meant Amun-Ra and not Ra, because the explanation he offered made a lot more sense for Amun-Ra, which is why I mentioned it. On the point of Ra vs Re, they’re both correct. The difference is really academic, and they are functionally equivalent in English. Actually, they are both incorrect if we are trying to pronounce it in Ancient Egyptian. We don’t know the actual phonetic realization of the word in ancient Egyptian, just reconstructed pronunciation through Coptic, which in ipa would be /ˈɾiːʕuw/, something akin to “ri-a”. In coptic Egyptian, Re would be the more accurate transcription, but that doesn’t make it the “correct” transcription. They’re both separate descendants from the original ancient Egyptian, which we only have reconstructed evidence of how it would be pronounced.

[@zenkdare1600]

Absolutely and utterly fantastic my friend. I never get tire of your stories. Please do more of the stuff like this. Tell the stories you like to tell

[@acticlacid]

“Pickaxe through the wall Minecraft-style” was a line I did not know I needed to hear. As always, another great video from a great creator!

[@hlibushok]

Not through the wall but underneath it. It's even more like Minecraft.

[@cd5927]

Fuck yeah Lazerpig. I discovered your content through your a-10 videos and have not been able to stop watching. You're humor, perspective, and comedic timing is impeccable. Focus on whatever you want for content my man. We're here for your hilarious and irreverent exposition on history no matter the era or culture. Steady on you fabulously obese savant, we all love you dearly.

[@scout360pyroz]

Just don't take his word as gospel. He is very right when he cautions you on his historical ability lol. Entertaining as fuck though. Reminds me of Dovah's unbiased history of Rome, but Lazerpig tries to be more accurate.

[@jayfron6012]

Those a-10 videos were the gateway drugs for shre

[@Blue10Blue10go]

I would absolutely love to hear more about Scottish history from you Lazerpig. Keep up the excellent work! Best wishes to you and your family!

[@WiltsKiwi]

I loved this video! Please do more Scottish history. It would be great to see you do Egypt too.

[@alternativebassist]

From what I remember when I first read the story, the “litter of pigs/piglets” comment was because the Sow is named after a female pig because it protected the soldiers like a mother pig. So all the soldiers bricking it from the Sow were like a litter of pigs running from under their mother.

[@Senor_potato]

She really just gaslit, gatekeeped, and girlbossed the English army

[@zenmastakilla]

gatekept*

[@WildBillCox13]

Perhaps your best work. Even the ad. Laughed at, wondered to, liked, and shared.

[@lefaestudios9303]

This video was fantastic! I have some scottish blood on my dad's side, but never looked into the history of it. Definitely looking forward to hearing more Scottish history.

[@trhett87]

My mom's maiden name was Dunbar, and even the parts of the clan across the ocean still talk about Black Agnus. Also, they apparently never stopped trying to piss off the English since my particular branch apparently fled to America to avoid some sort of significant criminal offense.

[@dheiyomain6775]

Runs in the blood i guess

[@arandomkobold8403]

I mean, pissing off the English is a noble conquest.

[@td370]

You’re 100% American

[@trhett87]

@@td370 This I do not deny. What's your point?

[@Aqueox]

@@trhett87 You're like a peak English pisser-offer. You're a Dunbar AND American. That's almost the epitome of "Fuck you, dearest England,".

[@prussianhill]

I never know what to expect when it comes to content, but after a long day at the prosecuting attorney's office I know its going to be something fun to listen to. Keep up the good work lazerpig. (Though if you could do a cromwell tank video that would be awesome. I never took that tank seriously until you mentioned it).

[@Tayvin4042]

"Scotland, a country so old, parts of it were built by the dinosaurs." Me: Chuckles, then remembers the Loch Ness Monster. *Slowly takes off glasses, eyes filled with dawning horror* "...Mother of god..."

[@alexanderingraham8255]

Great video! Would definitely love more Scottish history videos!!

[@tanall5959]

The hostage failure had me laughing far louder and more energetically than it should have!

[@tjenadonn6158]

Of all the ways for a hostage situation to go horribly wrong this case is by far the funniest.

[@chrisb9143]

"surrender or I will kill your brother!" "Alright, but do you need me to sharpen your blade first?"

[@piccolo917]

please, please make the 4 hour video. I sit down to watch your videos and don't even notice the hour go by and I have a great interest in the age of sail as well. With how passionate you are about the topic, I can only imagine a third of my day just going *poof*

[@Circka1]

I would kill many many people for a 4 hour age of sail video.

[@CallanElliott]

Okay, maybe at the very least do it as a four parter.

[@kameronjones7139]

@@CallanElliott have it abruptly cut off mid sentence at the end of every video

[@CallanElliott]

@@kameronjones7139 That would be the most LaserPig solution to the problem.

[@ENCHANTMEN_]

Listening to him drunkenly ramble with no structure whatsoever in his birthday stream was magnificent

[@SublimeSingularity]

Dude, great video, I could totally get behind this being your normal content style, storytelling gives a plot I can follow for a larger length of time!

[@gorillaguerillaDK]

This is one of the best pieces of Scottish History here on KZbin! And the longest (and best), advertise for RAID! Hope to eventually see more videos on Scotland, Egypt, Pirates, and of course your more usual content!

[@Brunhidden]

always been one of my favorite stories of the medieval era, right up there with the time that an entire city was allowed the women to escape with only what they could cary on their back so they carried off all the men, or the time a 60 year old lady besieged a castle that was imprisoning her boytoy. all proving that for a 'strong woman' you dont have to claim they suddenly learned how to use a sword with no training, as its more likely for them to stroll in and grab a duke by the ear and call him a naughty boy you stop this nonsense right now

[@aregulargenericname8794]

Neat, if you don't mind me asking, what are 2 things you mentioned called?

[@piscessoedroen]

look if a noble woman come and told me that i'm a naughty boy and asks me to stop, i'd stop

[@psyc8407]

Or that one time a Venetian grandma quashed a revolt by throwing a pot from her window and killing the second-in-command.

[@RyuakiraX]

@@psyc8407 Where can I read about that one?

[@psyc8407]

@@RyuakiraX OSP talks about it in their failed assassinations video

[@hedgehog3180]

I remember that one time some official from Scotland said that if they became independent they'd become a Nordic country and then suddenly all the other Nordic countries became really defensive of Scotland. You should definitely do that because Scotland would fit right in.

[@gladius1861]

Well that's just flat out wrong. We aren't Nordic, we're Celtic there's a big difference.

[@AlwaysAC]

@@gladius1861 culturally (in terms of voting trends and social attitudes) and geographically (in terms of landscape features) we are closest to the nords, could have a big juicy rainy day oil fund like the nords but . . . Well let’s not get in to all that

[@saber2802]

@@gladius1861 Gaelic Nords. Ireland would also technically be a Nordic country too due to it's shared history with Scotland, and Viking invasions. Hell, even england itself can sort of be nordic as well

[@flyingrat492]

Personally I think Scotland is more of a North American country and should be part of Canada but agree to disagree

[@crashed6510]

Yeah I support them and and Nova Scotia merging into into one province

[@hetrosjistin4837]

Both of those sound super interesting, I'd also love to know more about scottish political systems and differences between the traditional forms of feudalism in europe at the time, since as an american uneducated in such things with vaguely scottish ancestry, it's something I've heard about but never really understood.

[@patrickthomas9006]

So far I'm enjoying the remarkable tales from history, even if they don't have anything to do with WW2. Keep it up, I'm looking forward to seeing what future content you create.

[@jackmino729]

You should do a video on the Korean war, it isn't mentioned enough and is really interesting

[@murciadoxial8056]

by video you mean an entire playlist of 100 videos all lasting 60 minutes?

[@lukeskylicker]

"The Forgotten War" What a shame.

[@pepperedash4424]

Or atleast the UK experience of the war.

[@Revan_258]

He should also do one on the Leopard 1

[@KING_POGGERS]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[@TechLeafRanger]

I'd love to hear more about Scottish history. Especially more tales like this one. She utterly trolled the English so hard it is amazing. I'd love to hear more about such instances. Or heck, even about tanks. Or whatever. Thanks for the great video. XD

[@homeygfunkoffacherryfruitl4971]

Hear me out... Medieval Scottish history recreated using tanks. It's genius.

[@TechLeafRanger]

@@homeygfunkoffacherryfruitl4971 YYyyyyeeeessssss. XD

[@johnmiller8043]

Now my favorite video on KZbin! Please more of these!

[@nowhereman6019]

The fact that the English army didn't even check to see if there was a back entrance is the funniest part of this.

[@ianmacfarlane1241]

If it was used for smuggling it might not have been particularly obvious to anyone who didn't know that it was there.

[@SoylentSoy]

Even when I see a post one min ago, I can't be first. LazerPig I swear, I only discovered your channel a few weeks ago, but I'm in love with it. I didn't know I was into military history until your channel. You could talk about paint drying and I think you could present it in a way that ANYONE would love to watch it, laugh, and be entertained. Keep up the A+ work, man.

[@SoylentSoy]

Also I would totally watch an entire 4 hour video from you about the age of sail. But that would mean your RAID advertisement would have to be a full hour long in order for its ad to content ratio to match.

[@BlooCollaGal]

First is a state of mind.

[@ClipMonkey678]

Same story dude

[@KING_POGGERS]

:)

[@JMurph2015]

I have a tierlist of Raid Shadow Legends ad reads from various KZbinrs. This is the new occupant of the top spot. I watched the whole thing and laughed my ass off. Well done. Also keep up the good work and do make a Patreon. Lastly, as an Irish person, this story was exceptionally relatable from our cousins across the Irish Sea.

[@theredking254]

I hope Internet historian's raid ad is on S tier

[@Coolguy98765432q457]

This one is up there with Jreg's

[@michaelgoykhman8932]

"I used to do drag, ok" You can't just drop a bomb like that out of nowhere man I was not ready for that picture xd

[@meat5069]

Please give us more of this content. Loved listening to it

[@caboosethegoose]

As a MacGregor I'm contractually obligated to demand more Scottish history videos. But thank you for another great video, they certainly help at keeping the existential sucking black void at bay!

[@lionheart6176]

that existential black void being the ever encroaching treachery of the cambells?

[@atashgallagher5139]

As a Gallagher more Celtic history in general would be great.

[@fisher9085]

As a fellow scotsman who canny mind his heritage (lol) I too am obligated to see more of the Scot’s trolling the English

[@hajimakairu5451]

I demand more Scottish history, this was great and a healthy reminder that insults are an artform that even Shakespeare contributed to

[@Crass_Honey_Badger]

Love this video, story, all this goodness. Please consider doing more.

[@AdamantAlex]

Sponsorship ends at 7:50

[@noshurviverse8388]

As someone with absolutely no knowledge of medieval sieges beyond Medieval Total War, what reasons prevented an army of this size from storming a castle guarded by only a few soldiers? Just a lack of any means of scaling the walls or breaching them?

[@Hess512]

It stuck out into the ocean and the only real approach was a narrow causeway to the front gate.

[@alyssinclair8598]

in short, medieval total war is a video game where destroying a wall is relatively easy. in real history this was never the case. the ground was too uneven for many (if any) siege towers and honestly if they had gone for a rush to the gates they'd have likely lost so many men it would have completely ruined englands moral for the rest of the war.

[@maddlarkin]

In addition to@@alyssinclair8598excellent points it should be remembered that not only would it ruin moral but trained, experienced soldiers were a valuable resource and not one to be squandered and frankly this tiny castle probably wasn't worth the men he'd already lost on it so adding a minimum of a few hundred more on a risky storm attempt which didn't have great odds just wasn't worth it, especially when time isn't a factor

[@agihammerthief8953]

If they tried to scale the walls with ladders, the defenders could just throw rocks at them, even the civilian servants could do a lot of damage that way. Like what happened to the sow/siege tower/whatever it was. Breaking a proper wall with catapults wasn't really feasible, some of the largest trebuchets ever were powerful enough for that, but most of the time stone-throwers were for bombarding the defenders inside the walls, not the walls themselves. Fortifications were more often breached by sappers digging under them, but this castle stood on a coastal cliff and digging under it probably wasn't an option. And the English did try to storm the gate, as the video shows, that just didn't go well for them.

[@notbotheredable]

Just to add: most of the English soldiers at this point were mercenaries, as feudal levees would not stay on campaign. Most mercenary contacts at the time had clauses about storming walls (normally along the lines of hell no). While I don't know the details of the English forces in this siege, I wouldn't be surprised if most of them would simply refuse to storm an unbroken wall.

[@hendrikgreiner8449]

To medieval insults, remember that the French used to call Henry V. "Your father was a hamster and your mother smelled of elderberries!" At least thats what the anecdote says, and after that he invaded France. Again. Because the English liked comebacks in the Hundred Years War. Now while it should be quite clear that this wasn't his reason for invading France again, it shows quite clearly how a royal insult works, from a modern standpoint its just a fair bit weird.

[@marseldagistani1989]

To be honest the people were *very* Romaboo and they thought that's how romans did their insults. My interpretation at least, considering that the french were more Roman than the Germans the emperor who had the galls to call himself the Holy Roman emperor

[@psyc8407]

Monty Python?!

[@audiosurfarchive]

*NO PYTHON* BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

[@Nightdare]

@@psyc8407 What else did you expect? The Spanish Inquisition?

[@psyc8407]

@@Nightdare We’ll have to resort to the COMFY CHAIR

[@benjaminbarrick7448]

Currently doing research into the genealogy of my family (Barrick). Always heard the name was of Scottish descent. I know it may be a stretch but if anyone has resources on the trading port mentioned at about 32:09 it would be much appreciated! Google searches return a town by the name of "Berwick" and I just want to confirm that is the correct place.

[@barmybarmecide5390]

Yes, that is the correct place. There's multiple berwicks, including one that is in England but tends to identify as Scottish due to historically being Scottish

[@natashaeliot3628]

@@barmybarmecide5390 do you mean Berweck upon tweed?

[@barmybarmecide5390]

@@natashaeliot3628 yup

[@ianmacfarlane1241]

I've never come across anyone with the surname Barrick, but I think you are right to see a possible connection with either North Berwick or Berwick Berwick upon Tweed. Assuming that you are from the USA, your ancestors would have come through Ellis Island or one of the other immigration ports. It's my understanding that, (for any of one of a number of possible reasons) family names weren't always processed with complete accuracy, and many people moved on from the immigration offices with different surnames than they arrived with. I don't think this was done maliciously, and immigrants seeking a new life might not have been overly concerned at the time. This might have led to John (?) from Berwick becoming John Barrick. The W in Berwick is silent, so it is actually pronounced as Berrick - very similar to your surname. Good luck with your investigation.

[@ianmacfarlane1241]

I should also add that if I'm wrong, and Barrick is actually a Scottish surname, I hope that I haven't caused any offence.

[@joecarr326]

Haha man, found your channel the other day and have been watching all ur vids. Utterly hilarious and accurate takes. Keep it up!

[@icecoldcrickets1452]

While my love of your normal content about tanks caused me to subscribe, I for one would be thrilled to see more videos about obscure Scottish history. Keep up the great work man.

[@onezerotwo]

I will tell you my magic stone story so years and years ago I went to visit my deadbeat dad in scotland and he managed to get me around to a few attractions, like Edinburgh Castle, inside there's a display case filled with fake jewels and a big rectagular rock. So I looked over and over the case trying to find something that would explain what the rock was, so with no luck I turned my Canadian self around to a nearby exhibition guard and said, possibly less politely than I should have "So... what's with the big rock?" And he looks at me like I've just shit on the floor and says something along the lines of: "Oh, the *DRIPPING WITH SARCASM* big rock? You mean , the Stone of Destiny, the ancient and legendary seat upon which thousands of years of Scottish kings were crowned in holy ceremony before the English unceremoniously robbed it from us during the years they spent oppressing the Scottish people? That *MAXIMUM SCOTTISH SARCASM* BIG ROCK?" so I left the room the only small mercy is that as I went he hissed under his breath "Americans..."

[@Jo-rz6bs]

Well, it sounds deserved

[@theinquisitionsparrot6749]

Well what’s to expect of deadbeats?

[@SgtPotShot]

Wait, he couldn't even be arsed to know which country you were from, much less explain a bit of heritage to you? What a dick.

[@joebollig2689]

WHAT AN INSULT…he called a Canadian an American!

[@calebharris292]

@@joebollig2689 Canadians will never run from the fact that they are, technically, Americans.

[@frogjog8822]

I just love the lil leman russ battle tank sitting on lazerpig's desk.

[@jiltedFiddler]

amazing video! please, do make more similar ones (if you wish, that is :) ). The rock-of-slurs in particular is very intriguing :D

[@aaronbasham6554]

So, that Leman Russ makes me happy. Even if you're just shitting on it, would love to see you talking about favorite/least favorite fictional tanks the same way you did the t-34.

[@tinguspingus1523]

He would have a field day with the gladiator tanks.

[@Tom_Cruise_Missile]

@@tinguspingus1523 we don't talk about the gladiator tanks. Mostly because they suck, but also because they look terrible.

[@jaredmcfadden7793]

No man alive has the vast knowledge of the Lindybeige, but you have a skill for storytelling that makes your videos spectacular. Thank you and more videos on Scotland would be awesome

[@1123JGilbert]

this is my second or third watching of this video, and i sat through his ad read YET AGAIN. You sir are a genius at ad-reads.

[@OtherSpartin]

I have rewatched this video like 5 times in the last 2 years and it has yet to become unenjoyable. I of course know demand influences content but I would really love to see some of the other Scottish history video ideas, or something about Egypt.

[@Fusilier7]

I say unto you, keep telling us Scottish history and legends, hearing the same English stories over and over again gets boring, it would be awesome to hear what Scotland did, that isn't just Sir William Wallace or Robert the Bruce, so Lazerpig, keep up the good work.

[@AtheAetheling]

See I kind of feel the opposite. We seem to hear stories like this all the time; but English heroic victories over the Scots such as Halidon Hill, Flodden or Neville’s Cross (because yes there were many instances where the Scots outnumbered the English, it wasn’t a one way street) seem to get ignored.

[@UnexpectedInquisition]

This is hilarious. With 20K guys you would think he would just say f-it, make some siege ladders, and YOLO it. Even if he loses 500 guys to their 20, or 60....man, this era was interesting

[@DivinityOfBLaze]

This is why castles were so great in ye olde days. Kind of a massive pain actually attack and rarely if ever done. Just a massive multiplier on the effectiveness of those inside.

[@shivanshna7618]

They didn't had siege towers like pig said they only had one shed on wheels lol even that was rekt

[@UnexpectedInquisition]

@@shivanshna7618 Sure. But siege ladders...they could have made them in the 6 months they were camped outside.

[@shivanshna7618]

@@UnexpectedInquisition yeah or just broke castle wall with trebuchet. I don't understand how siege work

[@shivanshna7618]

@@UnexpectedInquisition I just realized castle is divided in two parts one on land where main gate is other which is on island connected by bridge so even if he take main gate he probably can't take main fort

[@feedfancier]

def one of my favorite videos on your channel

[@torinemerson8665]

Dude, you are amazing. I almost never comment, but your humor makes me laugh. I normally watch KZbin at 1.5 speed, but you I play at normal speed otherwise I miss stuff laughing. I am currently binging all your videos. Thank you for brightening my day. :)

[@ninjajagyr]

this is probably the only raid ad that I've seen with actual work put into it.

[@ninjajagyr]

still going to skip it though because I find predatory free to play, gotcha game esk, mobile games to be cringe

[@BlooCollaGal]

Has Internet Historian done a Raid ad? His ad reads are always top tier.

[@BlooCollaGal]

@@HelghastStalker I'll sit through a Nordman ad, but Raidman is a bridge too far.

[@DavidELD]

You should do a video on Mad Jack Churchill, or Christopher Lee. Just random badasses from wars in general. I never heard of Black Agnus, and she is easily the most Scottish person to have ever Scott'd. Virgin William Wallace vs. Chad Black Agnus.

[@nicolinrucker5181]

"Let's starve out this castle on the sea!" "Wait, doesn't that mean BOATS??" "Of course it doesn't, the castle's too small!"

[@miloszlatala6315]

"In comparison to some places"- prosceeds to show the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth and i have to say i wholeheartedly agree the PLC was a clusterfuck and a half

[@calebmeyer2121]

Probably the best Raid ad I have ever seen. Kudos for making the least interesting game actually interesting.

[@juntingiee2602]

@@SD352-68 internet historian: most effort lazerpig: least effort

[@MasouShizuka]

And still not worth playing.

[@toasttheninjacat2064]

YES! Do more Scottish stuff please. You and your Scottish accent is the perfect voice for these stories

[@theregalproletariat]

13:59 Well, goodness me, I didn't know you played Medieval 2, LazerPig. I have to say, it was a nice surprise to hear that music and see those visuals. It's a damn good game - and I wish it were more known.

[@nathaniel386]

Your ads are actually super well crafted I’ve never seen a content creator manage to make the ads watchable let alone almost convince me to download raid shadow legends

[@draemocksi]

I bloody loved this tale! I had to pause the video to stop laughing when the Fair Maidens came and dusted off the bloody battlements! Im English with Irish ancestry, and I love tales like these. Please do more, I love your normal content. Your humour is excellent. Hats off from one English Pig to the mighty LazerPig

[@alexmoon3844]

Congrats on your sponsorship. Nonetheless I believe that it is impossible for anyone to get me to play the game even with your amazing oratory skills.

[@dattebenforcer]

I actually sat through the entire ad though. Too bad Raid doesn't have proper anime waifus, otherwise I might have joined.

[@syjiang]

@@dattebenforcer I sat through the ads too. Lazerpig make em too entertaining to miss. Alas will never play

[@c3n5i]

go my boi, how i enjoy your video's, outro, intro 2nd intro daaaaamn

[@Shotty262]

I started watching this three days ago while unconscious and I just came back to it after cursing to god that there wasn’t any laxer pig content for me to watch. Love you lazerpig

[@kevinl2482]

That was probably the most amazing advert segment I have ever seen. This was quite an interesting story too, how someone expected to be spoiled and easily phased was able to outsmart and defeat 20k soldiers and a top military officer with his advisors

[@callummacalister]

I was today years old when I learned that William Shakespeare invented the "doin' ya mom" joke. Fuckin' Chad.

[@JCtheMusicMan_]

I absolutely love your hilarious and irreverent style of storytelling 😆❤ More please!

[@NeoCavo]

I think lazerpigs background in drag immediately elevates these videos to a 11/10

[@NefariousKoel]

The sound clip of Mike Myers singing 'If You Think I'm Sexy' backed by the bagpipes is worth three up-votes alone. "So I Married An Axe Murderer" is such a great, but underrated, movie. Rarely see mention of it.

[@galis4383]

As a fellow Age of Sail connoisseur I'm begging for that video

[@mozxz]

When he got to the part where all woman started dusting off the ramparts, I completely lost it, that just tells you everything you need to know about Agnus, and the fact she was there herself the entire time as well, and not just hiding inside, but made a throne on the ramparts to watch the futile attempts to take her castle. 6 Good loyal guards was worth more than 20K soldiers, and the 40 soldiers who ended up joining her , was just unfair at that point. The ultimate flex, was the wine bottle and freshly baked bread to the siege commander.

[@Jamhael1]

At first, the "dusting" of the walls after a bombardment was "taking the piss". The wrecking of a sow engine was a joke told to the English. The attempt of making the soldiers betray Agnes but being betrayed instead is trolling. The request of providing some help in sharpening the axe who would execute her brother in front of her was sheer mockery. The offering of fresh baked bread and accompanying wine with a dainty letter is just savage. The attack upon the army camp that surrounded her with a small group formed by a mad lad, 40 dudes, her soldiers, and Agnes herself, burned their tents in the middle of winter, and retreated into the castle just to see the panic in their enemies was cruel glee. Black Agnes is HIM!

[@pippleyfisching9214]

This was really fun! I'm late to watching this one, but I'm glad I did.

[@oogbooga1614]

“Yer in me castle!” “Sod off! Yer in me land!”

[@boogkitty]

Damn, I love you LazerPig. In less than a month, I've watched all your videos. Even the ones where the topic didn't really interest me, I still watched. Why? Because no matter what you talk about, you make it interesting and hilarious to watch. Oh, and the alcohol helps too, but lets not give it too much credit. Anyway, thanks for keeping me entertained, you're a legend.

[@phincampbell1886]

I would LOVE more of these historical, Scot v Engurlund/Midyuvul thymes type videos. Or Egyptian stuff, or whatever. Just whatever yoldei topics n storees - I really enjoyed and appreciated this one, fanged yew vury mursh xxx

[@feeesh4324]

Love your content man but I was NOT expecting to hear you say that you did drag XD In all seriousness I'm proud that you can be so open about it :D

[@gunnarsoderhielm3425]

Love every single video you've done on this channel, even the rambling live stream vod. I agree with many others that you should open a patreon. I would love to support you monthly and I don't even care if you actually set up any serious rewards. Although if you're taking recommendations, I would suggest some exclusive hot tub streams for the patreons, hell you could probably live off of something like that full time.

[@Minus273FreedomUnits]

you are pretty much on internet historian level ad rolls at this point

[@imomedvidek]

great story Mr. Pig, you are now my second favorite Scottish historyteller, right after Bruce from @ScotlandHistoryTours . I hope we get to hear more about the history of Scotland, especially about that big boy ship. Ancient Egypt sounds intriguing as well, I would personally love to hear your opinion on the age of Sphinx drama.

[@ethane9419]

God I hope you can do more Scottish folklore vids, this was great

[@vulcanjoe8258]

Me with KZbin premium - “Finally can skip all them ads” Lazerpig - “hold my beer (throws in 6 min in video raid promo)

[@DiamondDovahkiin]

A 4 hour long video about pirates would be the greatest thing ever

[@badgerwijohnson4081]

Please do more of these. Take your time.