Black Male Femininity Explained

[@JulianSteve]

In honor of Black History Month, I chose to publish this video on the first day! Thank you so much for your patience, mi gente. I know this is a DEEP topic, but it’s about time! I’ve been holding on to this topic for a while and planned to release it later this year. I promise the next video is going to be a bit lighter. Okay? Peace, mi gente🙋🏾‍♂️📌

[@johniebaltimore]

I really liked the part in which you opened up about the struggles straight men encounter dating. You all are expected to pay for dates and provide things for your girlfriends. When you don’t live up to those expectations, your entire manhood is questioned so I can see why you would stay single. In regard to femininity, even as a Black Gay man, I feel femininity is looked down upon in the gay community as well. Feminine gay men may be applauded for being entertaining and our personalities; however, when it comes to dating, we’re treated like we’re on the low end of the totem pole. Masculinity is worshipped and praised. That’s why I feel masculine DL men stay winning because of their proximity to straightness that a lot of gay/bi men worship. I’ve dated effeminate men and they always wanted me to butch it up in order to be with them. They didn’t like me for me and I knew it. It hurts but I have to be me. Do not be ashamed of who you are. You are an amazing human being and your channel is a voice for the voiceless. More blessings mi hermano 🙏🏿 Happy Black History Month ✊🏿❤️🖤💚

[@willowwinkle]

This! Exactly. Well said, my friend 💕Femininity faces a lot of stigma in the queer community too (is seen as "lesser than" or only as existing in narrowly defined spaces and, like you said, masculinity is worshiped) - but there are some guys who don't buy into the heteronormative binary within the gay experience and who will like you for who you are too...

[@JulianSteve]

JOHNIEEEEEEEEEEEE! Thank you so much for always keeping it real in the comments. Yeah, not too much folks think about how straight men stay single for a long time. The dating market, especially in NYC is not easy. Even making friends and finding a high paying job is hard. Also, I am happy that you know your worth too. Changing ourselves to appease people doesn’t get us anywhere. I have more to say, but I am going to keep my comment short🥲🤘🏾!

[@johniebaltimore]

@@willowwinkle thank you so much ❤️ I really appreciate it. I’m glad for these experiences because they’ve taught me that I have to start loving me for me first.

[@johniebaltimore]

@@JulianSteve I understand 🙏🏿 Thank you so much for your content and being vulnerable. It’s helping a lot of people ❤️

[@willowwinkle]

The passage with the quote, "We are forgotten and our voices are silenced due to the social implications and pressures that lead us to be hypermasculinized." is something I see in Latino communities too w/ machismo

[@JulianSteve]

Oh yes! This is definitely a thing within the Latino community. The things I went through growing up and now as an adult in Latino spaces makes sense🫠…

[@kobe223]

I see my boyfriend dealing with these problems as a black man, it has lead him to going to jail and ruining a lot of his potential, in order to be what his family and society expects of him, thank you so much for speaking on this

[@JulianSteve]

I am sorry to hear this. This really sucks. I hope your boyfriend is doing better now and healing❤️‍🩹

[@Freddy3Jersem]

The financial reasons make me sad, as a girl that pays for their partners it’s a thing that hits, i’m not a hundred percent financially stable either, but in a relationship i would be with you so we can both build each other up, rather than expect getting paid for everything.. :c Thanks for your vulnerability! Great video

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you so much for commenting and resonating❤️

[@GodofPainBelial]

Loved this convo. I hope for a day when any individual can present in their own authentic way (as themselves) without this kind of othering and phobic like reaction. It's always the byproduct of toxic patriarchy and misogyny, and for those who may not know, misogyny is not just hatred of women, but hatred of all things feminine. In other words, traits typically deemed "feminine" like crying, being emotional, and softer/cute things will still be seen as lesser on women alone, but those same traits applied to any individual who doesn't directly identity as a woman are looked at in an even harder light. An example of this would be like when you think of women who enjoy football and men's harder alcoholic beverages and can "run with the boys" usually being seen in a way that makes them more desirable, as if liking "manlier" things is somehow more noble than the (typically seen) "frivolity" of girly things, but when that's taken further, let's say, a man who chooses to wear skirts, people loose their fuckin' minds. They will automatically assume he is gay, a drag queen, or trans and look at him as if he were less of a man (because, again, the feminine is deemed to be lesser in value). That is the prison that is toxic patriarchy and the byproduct misogyny. People tend to want those systems to remain in place, and yet complain about it's pitfalls. Unfortunately, that is the prison cell most people tend to want to continue to live by. Even gay men will look at "manlier men" as if they are more high value than effeminate ones, when this is just a fallacy just about everyone likes to keep. And the on the flip side, just like how some people try to say Black women are not valuable because they aren't submissive enough, or some ridiculous B.S.. This strange belief in what we tend to think a woman and man should be and how they are then "valued" by those standards are insane. And of course this gets way worst when talking about any extreme individuals (racists, bigots, etc). But thank you for touching on a topic that is so important, and we need to have more spaces to talk about these things openly. We need to learn how to change our mindsets to allow people to just be, and to learn how to love them as they are.

[@JulianSteve]

I read your whole response! Thank you so much for sharing this thesis. You said a lot of valuable information. I hope more people become aware and honest with what’s happening around them. Even if it’s not their experience, they should think of the people in their lives. Then, think “Damn, someone I know went through this. Make me not participate in the gossip/harassment.” Sadly, some people do not think this way. They see one person’s experience as their own even if there are similarities to another person’s story. It’s really sad, especially when adults participate in this form of behavior😒💯

[@terylmcalaster3443]

Such a good conversation. Hopefully we can all just be ourselves; love and be loved 💛

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you so much🥹❤️!

[@willc3900]

Good video. Not a topic many want to talk about. In the future, running your audio through a background noise filter would be beneficial. Both CapCut & DaVinci have voice isolation options that will bring up the production value. Keep it going!

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you so much for the feedback! I am going to work on the audio issues. I noticed that when I was at the “editing” part of the video😅💯

[@angelwye3959]

wth how do u not have more views???

[@JulianSteve]

KZbin is playing with me, Angel🫠…

[@Kpopnonstop-808]

Thank you for sharing your story. This is the kind of stuff that makes the world a better place 🥹 Great video for all ages and all genders and for all of time 🙌🏼🥰

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you so much. This means a lot and I hope it helps more people🥹❤️!

[@Kpopnonstop-808]

@@JulianSteve Please know that you already have! 🥹❤️‍🩹 I just shared your video with my mom as she was struggling with being the face of her business where her audience is mainly masculine. Your story helped her to feel safe & valid in performing her gender in whatever way feels true to her 🙏🏼 This is such an empowering life changing message ❤️‍🔥

[@Mx.Monkey]

Love this Tysm for posting x

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you for commenting. It’s an important topic that I’ve been holding on to😭❤️

[@willowwinkle]

Thanks for making this video! This is an undiscussed element of being a male in today's culture and it impacts gay/queer and straight communities in intersecting ways. I'm queer but friends with several so-called "feminine" straight guys who face a lot of similar stigmas against perceived femininity. - Even my own dad got it for drinking tea in the 50s when coffee was a 'man's drink'. It's all BS. Homophobia is part of it, but so is the way our society sees females/feminine people/femininity as a negative and unimportant. Everyone should be able to express themselves as they want!

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you for your comments! You’re keeping it real! I do believe that the whole men and femininity discussion falls under Homophobia. Besides straight men, but queer men too. I hope more men, especially straight men discuss this topic. I know it’s hard. Trust me, it was hard for me to open up, but I did it on my time👏🏾!

[@blinklestar]

🎉 great video

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you so much🥹🫶🏾!

[@NFSMAN50]

Hey brother, I can relate to this. I'm a straight black male, but I never could fully relate to my black male peers, I was not into sports, nor was good at them haha, and it made me a bit of an outcast, and I was always a sensitive, nerdy emotional guy too, and I tend to get along better with women than men at times. Society needs more sensitive, easygoing black men tbh, we all can't be tough and hypermasculine. I relate lots to Steve Urkel, Carlton Banks, Donald glover. I was considered not black enough and acted white, and that I need to act more manly. Good video brother, decided to subscribe!

[@marioskarajohn5891]

I deeply resonate with the points you've raised, although I'm a white man. Over these last two years especially, since I went to therapy when I was 16 because I had serious identity issues that developed over time, I've come to the realisation that I should simply not seek validation from others about my own self - expression and sexual orientation, when this way of expressing myself isn't hurtful to me or anyone so as to provoke others' disapproval. The only thing that's truly hurtful is labels, especially sexual ones that are assigned by others, and society's unfortunate hyper-fixation on them can only limit our ability to explore and understand ourselves as well as achieve happiness. Dressing a certain way or a gesture will not change the way your genitals function. Period. I've been labelled gay or bi during most of my school years by many people, despite the fact that I'm straight. This has been hurtful as you pointed out because at this point of our lives we try to associate with other people who don't know us and we first experience love, hate and judgement to the extent that especially certain negative behaviours towards us are exhibited without any care for our own feelings and may even be thoughtless-instinctive reactions due to how other people were raised. As a grand - scale problem in society, it doesn't justify the confusion caused to us affected by it nor other people's ignorance towards the value of self - expression. I would also like to agree on the fact that it's so wrong that we assign certain behavioural patterns to people just because of their race too. No one should have to face this broader issue, but us that have can only get stronger from such challenges. Congrats on the video. I hope more people will see it.

[@scarletkittyeyes]

as an enby who identifies as masculine (but is interpreted as feminine), i feel this conversation is so so so important for every human. you are ahead of the curb with your topics ❤❤❤

[@jaialaime]

Great video and I love to hear your insight as always. Wish you wouldn’t have said that dating a woman is proof that they’re straight. Pansexual/bisexual folks are a thing… maybe I misinterpreted something u said but that’s how it came across to me. I think it would be better to say that having a sexual relationship with a woman is a way of performing traditional masculinity/meeting traditionally masculine hetero expectations. Other than that I think this is really important to talk about and u did it very well!

[@jaialaime]

Also thanks for being vulnerable and sharing personal experiences, I know it’s hard and I know all ur viewers benefit from it 🫶🏻

[@BooksandLooksTV]

I think culture has a lot to do with it I’ve found a lot of Carribean men as more free spirit and happier than many black men Which is unfortunately seen as feminine

[@BooksandLooksTV]

It’s sad too You’re nice and take the girl out Your peers will call you a simp smh

[@quorraquar2677]

💜💜💜💜💜

[@JulianSteve]

Thank you❤️❤️❤️❤️!

[@afroman5160]

I was raised mostly by woman. Growing up did not have a man too teach me how too be one. As a mixed with black man. I have gotten teased a lot for talking white. Not all black people talk the same way. This criticism was coming from other black men too. Other races always expect us too be heavily into sports too I noticed. Me I was never into sports like that. I wish us straight black men were not stereotyped too be hyper masculine.

[@BooksandLooksTV]

U should have included Katt Williams ❤

[@LindiweHlatshwayo88]

Am I blocked 😰?

[@JulianSteve]

No lol! I think KZbin blocked your comment. Maybe you said something that was censored? I am not sure. Also, thank you for letting me know about the Tyrese situation. I appreciate it🙌🏾!

[@chiefsalvaje6557]

Gender is not a social construct bro 🧍🏻

[@janarisky]

Gender is. Sex isn’t

[@chiefsalvaje6557]

@@janarisky elaborate please 💀

[@chiefsalvaje6557]

@@janarisky I'm waiting 👀

[@janarisky]

@@chiefsalvaje6557 gender refers to characteristics that were socially constructed like gender roles for example. Sex refers to the reproductive organs a person is born with.

[@chiefsalvaje6557]

@@janarisky So tell me what gender are you?

[@terylmcalaster3443]

Such a good conversation. Hopefully we can all just be ourselves; love and be loved 💛

[@JulianSteve]

❤️❤️❤️❤️!