Blythe Baird - Taking My Mother to a Gay Bar

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Blythe Baird, performing at Icehouse in Minneapolis, MN.
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[@TxWhisk021]

“I remind my mother that not every episode has to be a soap opera..” Holy Hell! If only I had the courage to tell my narcissistic mother this

[@alikropf7310]

Amen!!!

[@faith9196]

*“And it’s not that I’m offended by her statement. But I’m afraid that this is how she thinks of my love...”*

[@veggiet2009]

That line is just... woah... it's all of it

[@zeldaradzuma7012]

"I do not cry because I have done that before and it did not make anything softer" Amazing poem🌼🌼

[@kitwalker8114]

when she said “i will take what i can get. for my own well being. maybe in her world this is the best my mother can do” i FELT that.

[@samanthaoconnor1982]

Kit Walker I know exactly how you feel...

[@sunny9439]

Same

[@DocStewie77]

It's sad how much we allow our parents to get away with because they are our parents. Had that been anyone else in the world, she'd look at their relationship as being "toxic", and would have severed ties ages ago. As strong as we are, as much as people feel that they would NEVER be in an abusive relationship, our parents are often the willing exception.

[@avidreader2316]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏THIS

[@quirkyblackenby]

Jade Sturdivant it’s hard to sever ties with a parent

[@Alexaroxyeah]

that last line of your post just hit me so hard

[@DocStewie77]

@@Alexaroxyeah I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you find the strength to do what's best for yourself and your wellbeing.

[@sarahlauner8300]

But if you think about how much they have done for us as well. That’s probably why its so hard to cut ties with them

[@ViciousArtist]

"...This is proof that she cares about something; it doesn't always have to be me." I lost it. I have tears coming out of my eyes.

[@Octobris]

You know that, right? That I'm here? Incredibly powerful.

[@amiraelzokm]

"this is proof that she cares about something it doesn't always have to be me" it's like, i understand you have your opinions but at least you're not completely heartless and that's more than some people are, so i will be grateful for this tiny piece.

[@kristinadriggers7709]

Literally I started to cry at that part

[@NopeNotToday26]

I guess that’s where the quote -Go where you’re celebrating and not tolerated” might have to come in, but then again…no one is celebrated all the time. It’s hard having such difficult opinions and yet still choosing to love anyway. Would y’all say this is a clear example of disagreement isn’t hate or no? If anyone is willing to respond I kindly ask to please be respectful. I genuinely want to know what’s on people’s mind as long as you can be respectful.

[@nikitagill847]

“I will celebrate these splinters of improvement. I will take what I can get. For my own well being I have to acknowledge that maybe in her world this is really the best my mother can do. I love all of her even if there are aspects of myself she has no desire to learn how to love.” - as a queer woman who has had a harsh and uncomfortable coming out to her mother, this poem hit so close to home. All of it. Having to recognise that there will be parts of me my mom will never love even though I love all of her and accepting it for my mental health’s sakes....thank you so much for articulating this painful truth so beautifully. Thank you.

[@kathaley3905]

My mom refuses to even acknowledge that I'm bisexual

[@BlytheB]

Nikita Gill thank you my darling ❤️❤️❤️ I adore you.

[@nikitagill847]

Blythe Baird my queen!! I love you too! ❤️

[@NM-de5vi]

kat haley I'm sorry that must be very hard :(

[@bqwadseertg]

Blythe will always be one of my favorite poets that Button posts. I consider myself an ally to the LGBTQ+ community and I can tell you many of my friends would cry from this.

[@chief9935]

There will never be a time where I don’t hear a poem by Blythe and instantly fall in love

[@princesstarah2]

After my graduation dinner my family is on the way to celebrate at my favorite bar Everything is going surprisingly well until someone decides to interject "Hey, mom. You do know that the Kitty Cat Club b is a gay bar, right?" Okay fine it was me. I was the one who interacted. I was just hoping that when I told my mother we were on our way to a gay bar she would, I don't know. Surprise me? Instead my mother accidentally throws a tantrum instead of a party. "You guys taking me here is the equivalent of you throwing me into a tank of hungry Lions." she howls And it is not that I am offended by her statement, but I'm afraid that this is how she thinks of my love. Farrel and bloodthirsty. A glass room of snapping mouths bearing sets of steak knives for teeth, Prowling, preparing to pounce In the car, she refuses to look at me Still in this moment I do not cry My mother fumes. She displays her anger like a centerpiece at a supper table, bold and purposeful. The rest of my family awkwardly scolds her, each of them bracing for the clapback of femme thunder they expect from me. But I just laugh. I remind my mother that not every episode has to be a soap opera. When we finally arrive at the Kitty Cat Club it is still daylight. My mother's dropped draw drags across the floor collecting lint. The bar is a pleasant Little Ghost Town. "I wanna leave when the gays get here." she complains In my mind I respond "But where will you go, Mom? If I were to trace every step in my life to the very beginning you are the only place I always end up." In real life I say nothing. Because what am I supposed to say? "No mom actually it's too late for you to leave when the gays get here because I'm literally right here. You know that right? That I'm here?" I've become the queen of brushing off other's judgments even if doing so has turned me into a girl made of dust "Just don't let anybody touch me" she's sneers, her voice more mousetrap and mouth. Later that night I make a point to hug her extra hard. I do not cry because I love my mom I love my mom even though I am afraid my sexuality will always be a bullet point on the long list of things about me that my mother is disgusted by. I do not cry because I have done that before and it did not make anything softer In Spite and because of everything I am proud of my mother. Because there was a very real time in my life she would never under any circumstance have stepped foot into a gay anything at all. So I tell her "Thank you for coming tonight. It means the world to me." Because my mom means the world to me. And for her this was progress. For me the fact that she came, but even more so the fact that she stayed, was a gift. So I will celebrate these splinters of improvement. I will take what I can get. For my own well-being I have to acknowledge that maybe in her world this really is the best that my mother can do. I love all of her even if there are aspects of myself she has no desire to learn how to love. Once when I was in high school we got in a fight so merciless that even the hardwood floor cracked under the pressure to be spotless. To calm down I thought of how she cared for the house I grew up in like it was her favorite child The tender way she would fluff the pillows on the sofa every morning The meticulous way she would scrub the countertops until each one became a mirror. And I told myself "This is proof that she cares about something. It doesn't always have to be me.

[@kacey3027]

I didn't need this for this specific poem but I'm gonna thank u for writing it cuz sometimes I can barely hear and people like u makes it so much easier :)

[@sarahlauner8300]

“This is proof she cares about something...it doesn’t always have to be me” I felt this.

[@itsmefemahak2770]

And I didn't get this ...Could you please explain it

[@gemrose905]

I see Blythe, I click. Simple.

[@ilsedevries2529]

First rule of life

[@marrinf332]

I’m so terrified to perform poems about my parents, even though they’d probably never hear them

[@jasminetiller9712]

same but you could still share them if you want to. I'd love to read some

[@blue8ify]

and still, she loves her mom...with that unconditional love she doesn't receive. that love is beautiful.

[@TheRetroWoman80]

From one rainbow sister to another, I appreciate and understand Blythe's mini bio poem a lot. That ending says a lot about the depth of her mom's love...but also about the profound level of maturity and peace she lives in daily realizing that she is only truly in control of herself and her happiness.

[@nonamesmyname4060]

I'm afraid to tell my mother I'm lesbian because I'm still a kid I'm just 13 and even though people say I can deal with it my mind is not as strong as my body I can take every single blow even if it leaves bruises and scars I will leave the house if I have too But the one thing that I wont and cannot take is the cruel words I can already hear my own mother yelling at me as a leave my safe life behind..

[@laoricevinge6641]

Update? x

[@michelleibikunle8140]

Hey are you good?

[@nonamesmyname4060]

Laorice Vinge I’m good my mom still yells at me and I’m pretty sure I need a therapist, my mom blamed me for my cats death the day after I turned 14 she keeps telling me she can talk to me however she wants she has not figured out I’m a lesbian I have been kicked out once in the past year for looking for a kitten I used to have that when found the next day my mom decided to take her to the shelter as punishment for not obeying her when she told me to stop looking for her and my mental health has worsened I’m pretty sure I don’t think I have depression but I could either way I have been hit really hard on my shoulder by a belt that left a mark by my stepdad, I was dragged upstairs by my foot for not moving from my spot bc I was crying, I had to give my other cat that I got a few months after my old one died away including my pup and it’s mom bc I had to move places, but yeah I need serious help and I’m afraid to ask for a therapist to my mom bc I feel she will yell at me and start telling me that I’m now blaming her for how I behave and my mental issues

[@nonamesmyname4060]

Michelle Ibikunle read the comment I just commented physically I’m ok but mentally I’m having a breakdown

[@michelleibikunle8140]

@@ferventfei why you reply to me sorry

[@rivetingglance]

I’ve been out for 33 years & with my wife for 25 years and the pain of rejection is still palpable to this day. Parents, if you’re listening or watching...give your kids the love & acceptance they need and deserve.

[@perrinejuszczak4482]

"but where would you go mom?"

[@PutBoxOnMe]

The first time I heard this I cried, I didn’t know why. During my eleventh time listening to this I’m still crying and I am only now starting to understand why. It’s because I’ve experienced the microaggressions and the not so subtle statements. It’s also because when the pressure weighed the car down I would have cracked and whimpered but this woman didn’t even leak a tear. After everything she still loves her mother and I can’t find the power in me to love mine.

[@livelaughlovingthroughlife]

I have the maddest respect ever for Blythe. She is a beautiful human being.

[@Alchera201]

I'm lucky enough to have accepting parents, but it makes me so sad to know they're an exception rather than the rule.

[@lilyl.6715]

bruh this hurts. I came out to my family near the end of my 12th grade and my parents didn’t accept it. Since, it’s as if my coming out-the speech I prepared, the turmoil that resulted, the tears-never happened. I long for a future where they’ll love me for who I really am, not this half-hidden person.

[@theblueskyandtheyellowsun7509]

I'm so sorry that your parents didn't react in a supporting way. You deserve so much more than that. You shouldn't have to question your parents' acceptance and love for you. Remember how powerful and wonderful you are. And that there will always be people who will love you for who you are - even if your parents won't do that

[@tiredpeaches]

I sent this to my mom 2 days ago, I think it really helped us with communication with each other...

[@xodancerxo312]

Oof that hits home. Thank you Blythe for articulating how this feels with such painful accuracy. When you talked about your mother fluffing the pillows I lost it...thought about my own meticulously scrubbing the countertop.

[@brandonloyd381]

I’m literally crying.

[@juliatitze]

jesus, it's like she was talking about my mum, my life. tears overwhelmed me. and i feel weirdly grateful to have these moments where i realize that i'm not alone in this struggle. others can do it, can survive, so i can too.

[@loudbones]

This has so much power oh my

[@bettyemachetetmi5005]

I hear you and I feel you in my bones.

[@Ramifen]

No other youtube video has got me crying this deeply and sincerely before.. I will forever be grateful for the gift of people like you who speak up with a gentle voice while most of us can only think. I am forever greatful for the family I have, and I will never want less of something they can’t control.

[@deIcorazon]

obsessed with her craft

[@karinab9667]

yesss blythe we stan

[@timothymatthews54]

This reminds me so much of many of my family members. Thank you for this poem

[@simonaoronsaye3113]

'This is proof that she cares about something, it doesn't always have to be me' I've never related more to anything about my mum

[@buttercup3576]

I felt that ending so deeply. Wow at the whole poem, Wow at Blythe's mind.

[@abbie7782]

i love blythe so much, she has a wonderful way with words

[@mia-jv2hu]

I got so happy when I saw the notification!

[@Tony-ff4dg]

"I have become the queen of brushing off others judgements." Honestly this statement is soo me but also the complete opposite if me at the same time.

[@avidreader2316]

She just described my mom perfectly

[@deIcorazon]

this one.... wow, one second in and i got tears in my eyes

[@ParadiseIsStupidAndsoAmI]

Hunny went and made me cry

[@meganrectenwald2550]

This hit home so hard wow :( she has the ability to make even the most heart wrenching things sound beautiful

[@veggiet2009]

"it's too late for you to leave when the gays get here, because I'm literally right here..." that line gets me

[@sagezoldyck9043]

Probably my favorite poet

[@veggiet2009]

This whole poem hits so hard right now...

[@acdbutrfly]

I’m sorry this is so off topic but her voice is so nice! I love her voice!

[@amy8144]

I am crying. Holy shit.

[@ejaviolin]

I keep coming back to this one. Powerful

[@kristinadriggers7709]

Every signal time I have to cry with her poems

[@joy-cd2cm]

Wow! So good! You did it again!!💙💙💙

[@kylahverdin7752]

she is absolutely amazing ! omg !💛💛

[@maddisonaverillx1939]

You are my literal inspiration x

[@Caitlin_Mitchell]

This made me cry. I spent most of this trying not to but...I did. I started crying. This is beautiful.

[@keinlxoandjdog3227]

this made me cry i feel so sorry for her mother she sounds like a strong mother

[@froggychair698]

Blythe you are amazing ,you take your pain and use it to help so many people . You speak about thing people are scared to talk about .Thank you so much

[@Roisin647]

This is beautiful. I love your perspective. Keep going. Keep being you.

[@bluecolamusic]

I love her !!

[@Bunny-ei1wx]

Omg I love her poems

[@BLOOM12350]

i will always come back to this poem, it breaks my heart and reminds me of my own relationship with my mother all too much. It’s perfect

[@bola4516]

💖 so _goooooooood!_

[@leongreen5332]

Love this so much. Unconditional love. Beautifully performed. Beautiful writing. Raw. Touching. Made my day.

[@Mia-ed3tv]

Oml this is so sad but so beautiful

[@ginaenk1887]

Blythe, you are amazing--so excited to see you at Writers Week this year! I am definitely sharing this poem with my classes.

[@alexisnichole3892]

Wow, this has me speechless.

[@Mellybeans0919]

So beautiful.

[@LadyHearts001]

Wow this is beautiful and relatable

[@chloebingham6766]

sobbing the sobs she didn't

[@JuliannaJoy69]

this... this is the concept i signed up for

[@isabellafortune1705]

Blythe has to be my favorite poet. i relate to them so much and i love all of their poems

[@eleanorstephenson3312]

i adore this

[@FloatAwhile]

Splinters of improvement. Love it.

[@Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa669]

It's sad we settle for mediocrity love especially with family and endure ourselves with the waiting game with the "they're trying they're not bad people they family." I wish you strength to leave toxic family life and you don't settle and have to suffer to be less of yourself around those who don't fully love you as you. You matter

[@daysummer6157]

Love her

[@sariahbird]

Thank you.

[@saltykiwi8860]

YESSS !

[@finnegannn]

Her poetry is beautifuk

[@mo_7199]

slay!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@khushbuluhar11]

Wow!

[@trash-3058]

I was so close to crying

[@kimia7403]

why am I crying

[@BoogieBitch69]

I feel you

[@alynaj8152]

Yesss♥️♥️♥️

[@purpleandblack72]

I am literally terrified for when I come out. I know my mom wont except it, or she hasn't in the past whenever I brought up the subject. But mostly I'm terrified that I wont be as strong as Blythe, to continue to try to be around her, even if she is disgusted by me. I know I will always love her, I mean she is my mom. But I don't know if I could be around someone that hates who I am, and doesn't even try to understand.

[@princesspeach37]

I wish I could love like her

[@legaciesvids]

"you know that, right? that I'm here?" Will NEVER not get to me.

[@jinx1087]

I'm not crying, you're crying-

[@phoebelawrie3560]

She is so strong.

[@kalynnowlan3509]

I feel so lucky to have a wonderful mother, now. This is heartbreaking.

[@kayminhester2674]

we're here

[@kaidynnevans8804]

I love you even more now!

[@valeriecarpenter7459]

This is how I feel about my dad. It’s progress when he refers to my transgender friend by his name instead of his dead name. It’s progress when he calls my girlfriends my partners instead of my friends. I just need progress

[@mollyking365]

I wish I could see her mother react to this

[@MS-ij1xm]

Very empowering. I stopped speaking to my mom and sister I have anxiety and depression and so much is going on with me. I yelled at her cause she should have aborted me. 17 year old unwed. My dad was around when I was younger. I have a few bits of my life I remember, then it's just darkness. The last time I saw my father my oldest was 2 years old,she is now 25 He missed out and watching 6 grandkids grow up. My sister expects to much from me. I'm mean nasty cause I don't want to know she's going away,or she got this and that done while I sit on the love seat not able to move & can't leave my house. I feel like I have no purpose in this life. Life has lots to offer but unfortunately it's not for me. I'm not religious but why did jesus give me this. He's great wonderful man who died on the cross for our sins. If Mary had jesus who created god?. Kind of hard to believe in it all

[@FAY-di7rg]

You're so strong for making it all this way 💗💗💗 it doesn't matter where you started but where you'll end up and I believe in you. You will find your own happiness!

[@wateryjar8417]

Sending you a virtual hug right now.

[@rose-hg7lh]

I have the same phone case as hers🥰

[@wiredayan9719]

Blythe.... im here

[@jasminetiller9712]

This poems great huh

[@NoName-qr4rx]

I thought this poem would just end with: and my mother met her wife at that gay bar

[@avasinclair5116]

"i do not cry because i love my mom, i love my mom even though i am afraid my sexuality will be another bullet point on the long list of things about me my mother is disgusted by"... wow. that one hit home. yesterday, i told my mom i was going on a date with a girl. the look on her face was like if you put a huge steak in front of a vegan person. idk where to go from here.

[@emmavink]

WTF...I have the best mamma in the WORLD!!! I've always thought that parents doing this to their children has to be one of the worst crimes in the world. Even if it is your parent...you need to cut that shit out of your life or at least minimalise it as much as you can. Beautiful poem and performance!

[@angeltears71]

I visited Gay bars before my son ever did. Great fun, great people. I'm so sorry for you, I hope she can open her mind and her soul.