Borderline Codependent: Clinging Child, Punitive Parent

Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: www.narcissisti...
Parents of codependents teach their offspring to expect only conditional, transactional love: the child is supposed to render a service or fulfil the parent's wishes in return for affection and compassion, attention and emotion. Ineluctably, the hurt child reacts with rage to this unjust mistreatment.
With no recourse to the offending parent, this fury is either directed outwardly, at others (who stand in for the bad parent) - or inwardly. The former solution yields a psychopath, or a passive-aggressive (negativistic) - the latter solution, a masochist. Similarly, with an unavailable parent, the child's reserve of love can be directed inward, at himself (to yield a narcissist), or outward, towards others (and, thus, form a codependent.)
All these choices retard personal growth and are self-annihilating. In all four paths the adult plays the dual roles of a punitive parent and an eternal child, who is unable and unwilling to grow up for fear of incurring the wrath of the parent with whom he had merged so thoroughly early on.
When the codependent merges with a love object, she interprets her newfound attachment and bond as a betrayal of the punitive parent. She fully anticipates the internalized parent’s disapproval and dreads its (self-)destructive disciplinarian measures. In an attempt to placate this implacable divinity she turns on her partner and lashes out at him, thus establishing where her true loyalties and affiliation lie (i.e., with the parent.) Concurrently, she punishes herself as she tries to pre-empt the merciless onslaught of her sadistic parental introjects and superego: she engages in a panoply of self-destructive and self-defeating behaviours.
Acutely aware of the risk of losing her partner owing to her abusive misconduct, the codependent experiences extreme abandonment anxiety. She swings wildly between self-effacing and clinging (“doormat”) behaviours on the one hand and explosive, vituperative invective on the other hand: the former being the manifestations of her “eternal child” and the latter expressions of her “punitive parent”.
Such abrupt shifts in affect and conduct are often misdiagnosed as the hallmarks of a mood disorder, especially Bipolar Disorder. But where Dependent Personality Disorder is diagnosed, these pendular tectonic upheavals are indicative of an underlying personality structure rather than of any biochemically-induced perturbations.
(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissisti...)

[@genie674]

It's so sad that your childhood can ruin your whole life. I will never be the person I should have been.

[@genie674]

@@Kristen10-22 I'm older than you and I know how hard it is.

[@OleHenrikKvammen]

@@dinsel9691 as opposed to what?

[@richardsmith5131]

@@cironicholas526 it's more sad that you don't have an ounce of empathy. Particularly for someone who is probably struggling and doing the best they can e.g. watching youtube material that might educate them rather than banal crap. Give her a break.

[@soilofk]

and the long and hard work you need to do can be exhausting...but it is worth it. Hugs.

[@richardsmith5131]

@@7hello I'm not quite sure what you mean

[@Rwapnik]

I discovered Dr Vaknin a few days ago. I can’t get enough. He is AMAZING

[@agiejones7651]

Hearing you 💯🙌🙏✨

[@allegrobul2564]

profesor Vaknin :)

[@whoisarya7744]

Same . The knowledgethis man is sharing is so eye opening

[@tuleybee2425]

This was my childhood . From my biological mother who had a borderline personality disorder who was emotionally and physically abusive to me , until I was taken off her at 7years of age . Only to put into a foster home .. once again that lady was cold and unloving to me . Caused me terrible anxiety , depressions and a people pleaser at 38 years of age I’ve made some huge changes . I’ve let go of terrible relationships and concentrating on being a living mother to my daughter . I never became angry and full of rage . I internalised all this pain on myself and suffered terrible anxiety . I live my daughter and read to her every night and cuddle her and tell her how much I love her . You don’t have to be shackled to your past . Carl jung , and Buddhism has helped me heal. I don’t know if I will ever feel good enough inside though . The damage of all my foster homes and two parents that were very unwell has caused me deep seated insecurity .

[@kissmekatful]

1l

[@evrensaygn1017]

You are talking about me. My mother just wanted to satiate her emotional needs by me when I was a child, nothing more. If I couldn't agree with her, If I couldn't satiate her emotional needs I was immediately punished, I was deprived of love.

[@marlenedralionfontaine3010]

I want to thank you, Dr. Vaknin, because now I can understand a lot about my childhood. My mother has de NPD, and I figure it out because of my past relationship. He is a covert narcisist, and because of that experience I began to read and to investigate about NPD, and so, I found your videos. And now, I don't miss any of this, I admire all the work you do. I't is huge! Also impressed. I'm grateful with you, Dr. Vaknin, everything now makes sense for me. I admire all the work you do. I loved your interviews with Richard Grannam, they literally blew my head up! Thank you for helping me to expand my paradigms a little, you opened a world apart for me, not only with the topic of narcissism, but my point of view of life and society in general. I have a lot to learn and a lot of work to do for me and lots to change in me. Greetings from Mexico, City.

[@pahvalrehljkov]

had same realization, this is huge and so true...

[@ruby-qv5bd]

Wow! Deep for sure and so heartbreaking to me. It is so wrong for a beautiful child to ever have to experience this crap. It is just so upsetting for sure. I think of all the beautiful innocent children that only want to be loved and this happens to them and it is more than anyone can handle. So sad and upsetting. My heart is breaking for all the unloved children being born into this kind of a life.

[@jessicasimonsen3245]

This blew my mind! 🤯I never heard of borderline being explained in this way! I needed to hear this!! It explains why my last bf is the way he is. My last relationship which lasted for about a year was just like this. My boyfriend, which I found out later in the relationship, is borderline. He put me on a rollercoaster ride of extremes! The first time he dipped into the devaluing stage I couldn’t take it. It was excruciatingly painful for me because I had fallen head over heels deeply in love with him and I didn’t know what was going on!! I had to end it for good finally after a year of because my heart and mind couldn’t handle it anymore. I decided to choose sanity and peace over my attatchment and love for him. He drove me mad with his on and off switch of emotions towards me!! He broke my heart so many times within a single year. I would make excuses for him because I knew that he dealt with a lot of mental issues. In the beginning he told me it was bipolar disorder that he had but it didn’t account for many of the personality shifts he had. I’m so glad I came across this information, it has confirmed what I went through and helped me to see more clearly as to why he did what he did. I feel bad for him and I still love him but I can’t myself through that anymore. I can’t have my heart in the hands of someone who is so destructive towards me and himself.

[@jessicasimonsen3245]

His mother is a narcissistic and his father seems emotionally absent as well and it explains a lot. Poor boy :(. I wish he could get some help. He doesn’t even know he has this he just thinks he’s bipolar.

[@jesuslover3543]

JustlikeJessica this sounds like my ex husband and his parents. My ex admitted he’s also on the spectrum with BPD. Horrible combination. I’m glad you’re free!!!

[@SK-no2pp]

Watch A.J Mahari she explains borderline fabulously as well

[@princhipessa1969]

You’re all I need to listen too. My (very recent) ex with BPD comorbid Narcissism is exactly what you just explained. I was her same sex partner and got all the abuse her mother put on her. Very sad how we ended. I tried to help her. I always noticed and mentioned her enmeshed almost obsessive behavior with her mother. This woman can do no wrong in her eyes even though I’ve heard so many emotionally abusive stories about her. Thank you for this eye opening explanation!

[@Blitzoren]

This video describes my ex partner so well. It hurts because i know his childhood was horrible. But the way I am punished for things his parents did is not fair to me. I see that hurting child in him and I want to take care of him, but I know for my sake I can't do this anymore. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him. It hurts how much I love him. I wish I didnt love him so much. I wish he didnt treat me like this. It hurts.

[@lanamahmood4141]

Your videos changed my life. I just started reading your book and it is phenomenal. Everyone needs to take the time to look into his work its honestly life changing.

[@samvaknin]

Thank you for your kind words. Please post a review of my book on Amazon.

[@carolinospelt2932]

Having been married to a codependant borderline man for 4 years, that‘s so far the most enlightend explanation what‘s going on inside them. Beeing diagnosed myself years later as a dependant personality with ADS (with a markable preference for men with health issues) explains a lot to me. Living alone for the last 5 years (the only logic consequence for me) and still on my way to heal, your work is helping a lot. Thank you!

[@mayvortjarnberg6778]

I have lived a life with the feeling of doing wrong if I took care of myself and later on my son and tried to find a man that was great. If that happened my mother would have been crushed. It would have been my fault. Now she is dead and I am 65 starting my life without stress and knowing I can be who I am and feel good and if someone comes into my life I can take care of me. I have been codependent for all those years. Do I miss my life? Well I know who I am now and what I feel. I'm glad my inside is free at last and can enjoy so much of what life offers. Live the best life now. Thank you for all your info that gives me even more insight of what I have been through. 🌷🌷🌷

[@corinneharrison9113]

I’m 57 and have always felt that my life won’t start until my mother passes. Love how Sam nails this on the head but now I’m looking for his solutions. Happy Independence Day Mayvor.

[@tuleybee2425]

Mayvor Tjärnberg ❤️

[@kirsten1007]

Wow. I am also codependent with only my father left. I love him he is not at all interested in me. I can't help but wonder of I will be set free when he is gone. I feel bad about saying that but I have had such shame that he does not really value me

[@selah71]

What type personality does this: I'd inherited money and discovered my ex had spent most of it within less than a year with nothing to show what it was spent on. Distraught and dismayed I called my mom. I was seeking comfort, compassion, or something! First thing she said was, "How do I know you're not just making this up in case I ever need to borrow money from you?" I was stunned! And deeply hurt, to say the least. Could not believe she said such a thing! And never again called her when troubled or sad. It's like pouring salt on a wound so learned and I certainly didn't need anymore of that bull$hit! Really, who does that?!?

[@esnutaliah]

Yep. I go long periods knowing not to talk to any of my relations. It’s almost like occasionally I forget, and message or talk to one. After spending most of my time with healthy people, my family’s reactions are always disturbing and alarming! Disgusting even. Don’t absorb it... acceptance that they are never going to change, but that there are other people out there, is the way to live healthily.

[@jujularue7611]

I remember parents made me sign a letter where I promised to behave and to study well to their standards, no need to say I never could and that writing was always reminded to me as a failure (was I 8 years old?) and they were saying I betrayed their hopes and all they have done for me, I do not deserve any good or their love.

[@plumduff3303]

My dad was a horrible narcissist he caused me alot of problems

[@jennie5103]

Ahh..I never get sick of that opening line!! Your book is amazing! Everyone should be reminded!! Much love, Sam! 🥰🥰🥰

[@angiepants8061]

I have been going through this for five years with my partner and his narcissist mother....you have just described my world right now...word for word...I'm not sure what to do anymore

[@jillb7234]

Get away asap!

[@vladimiraofficial]

Leave.

[@margaretstewart3255]

I am female, Lesbian age 75 and been in therapy off and on for 40 years. Somehow I have not (yet) been diagnosed with BPD, however, so much of this analysis describes my life experience. Oddly, I have often believed that the WORST condition/personality disorder to live with is BPD. I have identified this in others (projection, I assume) and avoided them at all costs. Thank you for this analysis. There is a small sense of relief in understanding and acceptance yet no joy in knowing the misery my future holds. Perhaps I will find ways to give what passes for love without becoming addicted to the object, if that is even possible.

[@Petequinn741]

Thank you for these borderline series, they have been tremendous help with my partner. Even though we are ending as a couple it's has given better insight as to why..

[@crystal-g2g]

Wow!! I am completely recognizing myself in this video. I should get back to psychotherapy 😩

[@froandcara]

the doormat and punitive two sides seems like my father in his relationships

[@urallyrrafocc8595]

Sometimes the figures/parents are not dead and they are still very much alive having the BPD (in my case male) married to his mother with an absent father never leaving 'home' except for a pretense of a relationship that could never take off because it was like two children pretending to be married while he is riddled with constant guilt and shame and self loathing which would projected onto me. I'd love for you to do something on the male aspect of a BPD who has massive rage, distorted thinking, projection of blame and shame and how they try and get you the non to be the one who is guilty of everything that goes wrong in the relationship especially when you don't want to be abused anymore and begin to put boundaries up and or leave the relationship while still being friends. (if that's even possible which I'm highly doubtful of unless there is still something to gain?) I have never been so badly abused by anyone who then says he loves me and that it's me who is screwed up and that by putting my boundaries and being more independent it's me that doesn't love him. The level of toxicity and mind fucking is extraordinary and it takes a very strong person to not be utterly destroyed by such a wounded fragment of a child because even 'their child person' is so fractured that you aren't dealing with a real whole child........just bits and pieces that are all messed up and they project that onto you. It's so sick and so destroying that I have no words for this except that I survived and feel like I will picking up the pieces for a long time to put myself back together. They try to get you to believe that their distorted version of reality is the one that is real...... I've never experienced so much trauma, drama and rage. If I so much as expressed displeasure at anything then hell was unleashed instantly and it was to manipulate me through intimidation, fear and terror. I'm truly shocked over the thought this was real love and that I accepted this as love when it was apparent that I was being abused, severely punished punitively from the very start and all the while he felt that it was all justified based on my so called behaviors, actions or perceptions of behaviors, actions. I realized my so called love was more that I was seeing him mirroring me..........but when I mirrored back to him his abuse and demonic behaviors it got way worse. There was no winning or ability to reconcile what was actually happening ever. It was always a circular argument where I am the one that is to blame and it's always me, I'm the narc, I'm the neurotic, I'm the one that is screwed up....... I'm the one that causes the triggers and provokes him because it's just always my fault. The more I stand my ground the worse the punishment and the more he degrades me, insults me and tries to bash me to the ground. It's interesting he says it's me that doesn't love him yet I'm the one being abused by him which makes me abuse him back.......it's a vicious cycle because I can't bear to be abused but there is no winning here. There are many reasons to complain at the level of dysfunctions that this relationship has and plenty to complain about. I guess the more shocking thing is why I put up with this for 4 years????? At the same time he was the most amazing, intelligent and intuitive person I've ever known so I just couldn't believe what I was seeing when he would rage and abuse me always justifying it.

[@jesuslover3543]

Auarfreya Foc this is my ex husband. We were married for 14 years until I found out about his double life. A deep sex addict with porn, massage parlors, prostitutes, hook ups with ransoms, etc... talk about a sick soul. Get away and save yourself before they kill you. There’s no helping these ones. In my experience BPD is worse than narcissism!

[@sheilamc3420]

OMG, Sam, this is my story. I'm just now figuring it out, and I want to thank you for your work on the topic. God Bless You!

[@jessicasimonsen3245]

You are right!! I didn’t know what hit me the first time!! I was so confused and so much in pain I couldn’t take it. One minute he was talking about marriage and the next he was ignoring me and treating me like a stranger!!

[@scottroberts6242]

Terrifically insightful explanation of a dynamic that, hitherto, I had not been able to grasp. Thank you.

[@jennylynn82173]

Wow! You are so spot on with these relational dynamics - internal and external. You have a great deal to offer!

[@leannimalcrackers]

Thank you! I've listened to this on repeat; enlightening and excellent explanation. Reminds me of the saying I've heard about persons with BPD traits; "I hate you...don't leave me".

[@anneillerbrun6860]

You're like the best cook book on earth, there's a recipe for everything. You've filled out my suspicions about a situation involving a four year old who's been in my care for a week. You're much appreciated.

[@suzanneschannel1]

Brilliant. This is so spot on.

[@D2yella]

Dynamics and layers people carry on in cycles . Thank you for your knowledge

[@inthedetails5467]

I believe I was the partner of such a person-everything fits the description of not only their childhood but also the relationship itself. I find it scary you even use the term “thunderstruck” to describe how the partner feels because the height of the traumatic experience being with said person literally felt like a thunderbolt hit me. I had emotional flashbacks of that physiological feeling in my body for months.

[@tuleybee2425]

I carry guilt for my mum . I can’t day I have punished any partners . I’ve been codependent and alway attracted emotionally unavailable men .

[@candiceyoung2042]

Same, I feel doomed to repeat these cycles till the end, at 41yrs old, married 17yrs ,years of therapy ,still going once a week, its helped me to manage some parts of myself but certainly nothing significant has changed...Radical experience I think is what they say

[@tulinbeyduz920]

@@candiceyoung2042 best of luck 🤞

[@rupk5578]

WOW depression is internalized depression makes soooo much sense!!!! YOURE AMAZING

[@roseh1132]

🤣 that intro!! Self depreciating humor ❤

[@amarub90rubino43]

I tell everyone to watch this videoooo bc it’s one of your best !

[@janettrimble2950]

I have never heard anyone else use inner parent. This makes ck dependency so easy to understand . Thank you

[@wanketta]

I watch my sister coddle our 92-yo dad, even tho she often tells the story of how he punched her so hard in the face, she fell over backward into a bath tub. But she won’t listen to any reasoning like this.

[@sneakyguy4444]

My ex fiance was like this. Unfortunately, she refused to accept she is a victim of this. I couldn't help her. She is conditioned and craves for her parents transactional love. They attack her or cut off all contact with her and refuse to let her even see her brothers and sisters, which they know hurts her the most, if she doesn't fulfill their wishes. She doesn't understand this kind of transactional love is so wrong. Eventually, ofcourse, I was thrown under the bus in exchange for her parents giving her affection. Because they didn't like me for standing up to their treatment. I feel for how she doesn't understand what is meant to be normal and what is abusive and how she is conditioned but I've run out of ideas and energy. "Her performance is loved, not she" "Acting as an extention of their parents" so many quotes that hit home for me :(

[@urbantart68]

I trained my superego to have a kinder voice, this helped

[@erinbauer1056]

So well done, his understanding amazes me

[@angelagail7620]

I have to listen to this again.

[@dmoore0079]

This perfectly explains my childhood and how I came to be. It was as close to hell as anything I could imagine.

[@froandcara]

brilliant descriptions! really helpful. I've watched many videos on borderline and covert narc father and its repercussions and don't always get so much new insight. thank you.

[@tiffanyjohnson172]

Yes. Self sabotage 😔

[@anonymousprivate6814]

Loved the way this was explained. Was my story too. I'm autistic and bpd.

[@victorianedelcheva3599]

Professor, thank you for perfectly describing my (past) self. I’m a 36 year old self-diagnosed codependent borderline who has just recently, yet again, cut ties with my narcissistic mother (for the 100th time). It’s been a torturous journey. I am surrounded by narcissists and finally start to recognise their stupidity and pity them. From having watched your other videos I am very hopeful that my borderline condition will completely disappear but I still feel quite a lot of shame from my past behaviours. I also feel I can be quite narcissistic and psychopathic when triggered. What is the possibility of me being equally a narcissist and a borderline? Or is it that if I am a borderline that definitely rules out the possibility of me also being a narcissist? Thank you for your presence in this space and for spreading awareness 🙏

[@lndingalle9605]

Norman Bates

[@vickiezaccardo1711]

Oh what a tangled web we weave

[@br5927]

well explained Sam Thanks, understanding that those causes are intergenerational trauma

[@ericabrooks6416]

Wow explains my life! Thanks for the video

[@melanyoliver]

You explained this very well! Thank you.

[@lindu7802]

Wow. This is me. Thank you so much

[@irenageorgieva8011]

I love the intro! 😂

[@mariaopinion953]

You are describing my ex-husband. He has borderline codependent behavior.

[@gregbeaty3764]

Absolutely Genius!!!

[@restlessgypsy3505]

Excellent explanation Sam. Thank you

[@oceanside13]

Dear Prof. Sam Vaknin. I never heard someone describe what's going on in my mind, so well, until you did here. Except -- I am not Borderline at all. My diagnoses are Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, and Adjustment Disorder. I am extremely codependent. Please, will you make a video about the codependent with Major Depressive Disorder, and give me some guidance on ways to shift my internal world to more peaceful, happy, and healthy? By the way, I have sworn off dating, unless, and until I might happen to develop a healthy relationship with someone, by some odd chance. But the way you describe my relationship with my internalized parents just astounded me.

[@kaarlimakela3413]

Absolutely nailed it.

[@_N0_0ne]

Thank you

[@luvela]

This is wonderful. TY!!!... What kind of therapy would you say works best when it comes to these kinds of situations? :O

[@samvaknin]

DBT.

[@luvela]

@@samvaknin TY!!

[@FranzMOesig]

best video about Borderline

[@janettrimble2950]

Brilliant explaination. Thank you

[@dabarefootbombshell]

So insightful!!!

[@KatiaBeeden]

I am a work in progress and your videos and insights are invaluable. Thank you again! PS. Can I replace "she" with "he?" In my experience, a male BD co-dependent partner plays out this pattern in the same way you describe a female playing it out. This borderline aspect is very illuminating. Just curious as to your use of 'she' - is it because BPD is more typical amongst women? I struggled to find the right information online regarding potential Male Borderline Covert Narcissism.

[@samvaknin]

Yes, the pronouns are interchangeable and the psychodynamics is similar though more pronounced in women owing to acculturation and socialization of women.

[@KatiaBeeden]

@@samvaknin I feel male borderlines are a largely unexamined sub-species that deserve more attention. This video nailed it! Thank you for your time.

[@StKrane]

Thank you!

[@mariadefatima6469]

My child is like that because of her father so she really performs and lies to him just to please him she is nice but rage at anything

[@gabriellamclellan1102]

we can't blame out parents a hundred percent.. if we can take one moment to think about the times that they lived in.. and the economic hardships those type families would have had .. due to illiteracy and lack of education.. religious dogma.. social biases and expectations.. what it seems to me.. is an old child trying to pretend to be an adult parent ..to a young child.. it doesn't matter how old these people of this family are they are all stunted and distorted emotionally..

[@irenageorgieva8011]

Yeah... this is horrible, I’ve had it twice

[@RabiWielkiePracie]

Thank you this one helped a lot!

[@prospero6337]

Fantastic....it is like I can look at you describing a situation with, so far, only a slight variant....which I can almost see you saying....Oh that is just a dynamic special to that situation, but is the same. Supergood :>

[@riviae9440]

Internet hugs. I dont have to be lovable.

[@jamiemorgano539]

Sam, please upload any videos/information you have on OCPD. You alluded to the concept of projective identification utilized by the obsessive compulsive, anything else you can elaborate on?

[@samvaknin]

samvak.tripod.com/faq30.html

[@aratneerg1375]

Sam.... Did u say at the end that people are attracted to bad abusive people? If so it makes me think of lust verses love. Can you elaborate more on this in another video? Thanks for another really helpful and very indepth video.

[@hildy208]

Very insightful. In fact painfully so. So how does one go about breaking this cycle? Just trying to recognize when your inner parent is criticizing you for loving your partner and reminding yourself that it is permissible to love your partner?

[@DANCAN1980]

All within the same day is right 🙄

[@liamfoley9614]

Is there something to help those who are former partners of the borderline codependent?

[@mknv8667]

as Sams discus in tha makro view of his one hour full vid... ...we are all 'more or less..Codepedent on captalist society...

[@swatisdiaries]

Ok.. I got it.. I dont know how to thank you sir

[@borg-borg-2015]

What about the opposite? Clingy parents, punitive child?

[@dariananais9555]

Thankyou so much

[@chepkoechc]

these complicated things dont seem to have existed in Africa, now is when they are emerging in the twenty something age group. Is it that they were not diagnosed......or we had other problems like war, hunger etc and they took all our attention . could it also be as a result of the education system introduced by the west....and capitalism. Am just trying to wrap my head around it.

[@alight4090]

So true.

[@housekeeping3561]

My God this is my sweet daughter

[@Krisexyable]

+Sam ....This is me and my life to a T. God it’s so sad...is this why I go to great lengths to hide any signs of affection for my husband from my parents? Mainly my mother...to other people it seems normal to hug or kiss, but I will not engage in any signs of affection for him if they are around. I always thought it was just being embarrassed... Also Sam, would there be any connection to phobias and BPD? I have had an unexplainable bellybutton phobia since I was about 8 years old. I’m 36 now.I’ve never been sexually abused, but I have been mentally and physically abused by my parents...mainly my mother. This phobia has never let up...any insight?

[@nogalupu5487]

What happend if a Borderline has a relationship with a Narcissist?

[@nathanschwartz9761]

It's a fucking nightmare

[@mynameisbob7059]

That’s basically explains me

[@rachelshay7637]

Great video. I was I believe misdiagnosed as bipolar 2. For ten years! I am off medicine and feel better. How do we get rid of the punitive parent? How can we stop the chaotic and self-defeatng behavior? I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist. U could imagine how chaotic that was on both ends. Do u have a video on the borderline and narcissist relationship? Thanks so much!

[@suzanneschannel1]

Sam, could this analysis also apply to a misogynistic malignant narcissist who is not a BPD co-dependent? Could this explain the punitive approach/avoidance behavior of the male misogynistic narcissist to his partner?

[@samvaknin]

Yes, if he is perceived by his partner as a father (transference).

[@VD-ml3kq]

Sam vaknin you nailed it. And you look good in white.😊

[@trekker3468]

Are these people actually borderline or is it just a borderline quality symptoms created by parental narcissistic abuse. I was in a relationship observing parents making sexual comments towards me while having the co dependent relationship with the daughter.

[@whatthebluff]

Wow

[@charlesbromberick4247]

logical

[@mknv8667]

every confortable ..cuchy...Barbbie...suroundings...are packed of Codependent spirits...(offices.companies etc

[@michellecontrerasewens6432]

"Bates Motel" the series portrays this as MPD. The mother was abused by the father but didn't abuse the son, however the son suffered from the mom being traumatized. What if a parent abuses the child by the mere fact that she has CPTSD? That's really sad because people treat the mom harshly for allowing herself to be abused then the child has two views of the mother, one is the common consensus or appeal to authority and the other is the broken mom who gets abandoned for the sake of the child's emotional well being.

[@esnutaliah]

Hit the nail on the head! Yeah, BPD mothers usually end up keeping a kid around (again, usually son) as an emotional tampon...

[@Buildingyou22]

Bates motel was a whole new level of trauma. There was so much to analyse. The creepy old man in the basement at the end who made the window glass always stuck with me

[@mknv8667]

...marketing ...tv...and nowdays internet is all frammed on GoodGirl..narratives and collors

[@bbfreetube]

Congress

[@opheliaheimat3685]

Am I the only one thinking about Taylor Swift's blankspace here? this sounds a lot like the compensation.