Borderline Personality and Sibling Estrangement

Does your sibling have some borderline personality characteristics? This intriguing episode demystifies what a borderline looks like and explores how this challenging behavioral pattern may limit a sibling relationship.Typically, those with borderline traits have a fundamental fear of real or perceived abandonment. They cycle through moods quickly and engage in chaotic behaviors as they vacillate between connection and disconnection -- often pressing for a close sibling relationship and then pushing a brother or sister away. Low self-esteem and a fundamental emptiness drive their reckless behaviors and, often, they suffer with an addiction to food, sex, drugs, or gambling. Borderlines don't take any responsibility for their actions, making it especially difficult to establish and maintain a consistent, loving relationship. Many siblings find that they can't be their authentic selves around a borderline sister or brother. Eventually, for self-preservation, a sibling may make the difficult decision to go no contact or low contact with their borderline relative.
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[@Vale0x3]

My older sister has been a nightmare my entire life. So grateful I don't have to be around her anymore as an adult.

[@alexpignatello8607]

My younger sister. I understand.

[@illberunningaround89]

My older sister as well. She's the world's victim and only she experiences trauma, in her mind. And if she yells at you, attacks you, anything negative it's your fault and she has every excuse. And she's allowed to KEEP attacking as she sees fit. She has zero empathy and accuses ME of being one sided when I'm literally endlessly apologizing for my part, yet she completely dismisses hers. Every time.

[@Vale0x3]

@Melinda When possible you should cut contact. She will never change. It's been almost 9 years for me. Best decision I've ever made.

[@illberunningaround89]

​​@@Vale0x3 It's so difficult, though as I absolutely love and adore her sons, my nephews. I live 3,000 miles away so it's nice to be away from her, but I miss her kids. And we had a 2 hour Convo last night where she half-assed apologized for her stuff she's done to me, but mostly it was about HER TRAUMA. And she talks to me in that same abusive, controlling tone to get me to be submissive. I have one question. They say borderlines are really insecure -- my sister isn't. She even says "I go HARD for myself. I don't give a crap what anyone thinks, I don't have low self-esteem." Yet is always preaching that she's a victim of trauma and SO sensitive. She has no idea what empathy is. Is it possible for a Borderline to be cocky? Some would say that's a narcissist but she isn't that far gone imo. And narcissists don't talk about their trauma all the time like that. They're all about the facade.

[@johngarrity6687]

​@@illberunningaround89Sorry for her BPD. Please stop apologizing though and work on firm boundaries. Calmly walk away or end the call when she flares. Do not tolerate abuse.

[@margretrose745]

Love the Nedthestaff response. You encapsulated the BPD sibling. You, you, you-everything is about you. BPD siblings are unimaginably cruel and yet everything is about how they feel.

[@kellimihalic116]

We honestly are miserable people. Literally. But we want comfort and understanding. Someone hurt us very badly when we were young. Unless we know and work extremely hard to overcome our BPD, we don't have a clue we are harming others. That's a different disorder I believe.

[@theresarezac7502]

Its not different. BPD people do hurt others with their behavior. That is the whole point! BPD dont take anyone elses feelings into account- and when that is pointed out, the BPD immediately gas light, and deny their own role in the conflict. Always blaming others for their own bad behavior.

[@SunshineGrove04]

@@theresarezac7502actually narcissistic people blame others.. and make others take on their emotions or their ways of abusing..

[@RippleDrop.]

The best thing to do with a BPD sibling is to abandon ALL hope of ever having a bonded sibling relationship with them. It's super sad.

[@BennyHuncho]

How the fuck is this supposed to make me feel any better smh

[@Miawallce80]

It's true !it's awful to say but my parents have been at peace since he passed and don't worry anymore. It's a bit more complex with me but... I actually love him more than ever now I understand his bpd.

[@mkrei4481]

Ouch.

[@mkrei4481]

Most people abandon us so it’s almost like we inherently know NO ONE will ever accept us so we push you PEOPLE away.

[@loekieloek7638]

No it's very untrue.

[@krimbii]

I'm here watching this for second or third time. My BPD sister has now passed away from overdose just two weeks ago. I always loved my younger sister and things were always completely normal between us. When she was about 24, her BPD symptoms started showing, which I believe came out because of the beginning of drug use. She had higher points and low points for the past 12 years, but ultimately, the trajectory was going in a downward motion. Well it's all a long story but of course I'll always wonder if I could have loved her better. Maybe I didn't say enough words of affirmation. Maybe I never told her how much I cared about her. It became a tremendously difficult friendship. For the rest of my life I'll wonder what she could help and what she couldn't help. Was all the lying done on purpose? She told people a lot of lies about me. I don't want to believe she was a bad person. This personality disorder is tremendously difficult to deal with and I truly pity the person with BPD.

[@jennyj4111]

Spot on. The burden of a BPD sibling is hell, especially a BPD that refuses to engage in professional help.

[@brettcordes3602]

I feel the worst for my son’s sister (daughter) followed very closely by his Mom (wife.) Some of his worst behaviors are on their birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc. Above ALL else, what I cannot tolerate, is the blatant refusal to accept blame/accountability for even his most unprovoked yet deplorable behavior.

[@Miawallce80]

I just realized recently that I have major trauma from having a BPD brother. He was ADHD and unfortunately due to being British gen x he didn't get treatment until it was forced at 22 (misdiagnosed as bi polor) then rediagnosed at 30 (in prison) he died at 33. He was jekyll and Hyde and had a tortured life. Part of my healing is to understand Danny so I can understand myself.

[@IrelandLochlin]

I understand your pain. Im still dealing with these same feelings.

[@glennrobinson7193]

What has caused deep estrangement to a sibling of mine is he saying "master of martial arts could kick your 50kg of nothing to hell". That kind of malice and hateful & hurtful words I see as borderline threat upon my life. Not easy to deal with. However, what the lady emphasized that we are "not alone" I found quite comforting.

[@RippleDrop.]

Ah. I feel you. I dated a BPD guy and his brother thought he was a psychopath and they don't speak.

[@RippleDrop.]

Ah. I feel you. I dated a BPD guy and his brother thought he was a psychopath and they don't speak.

[@IrelandLochlin]

I went NC with my bpd sister about 5yrs ago. She also, in a nasty email threatened my life. She said she wanted me to die slowly and painfully. I understand how that makes a sibling feel.😢

[@margynelson7945]

THIS is EXACTLY what I am dealing with! My younger sibling hasn’t been diagnosed but her behavior is obsessive in trying to contact me and emotionally and verbally abusive too towards me and I have had to block her and go “no contact!” She doesn’t do this to our other sibs! She is 53! I’ve had more than enough and need to protect my sanity and well-being!

[@celestegonzalez640]

I do believe my sister has BDP it’s been a crazy ride having a relationship with her. She is extremely difficult to deal with and has broken my heart many times. People around her like her different partners men/now woman have empowered her issues. But hurts many people as she always feels empty. She says that I have abused her in many aspects and she has said that to her partners and my parents. My parents know me and ignore what she says because they do not want to lose her but it’s very serious what she says and does. There is competition between us .. well she thinks there is.. it’s chaos. I will read the book as literally I have walked for years in egg shells and when I speak my mind there’s a war.

[@elsaahsaf549]

BPD annihilate their perceived enemies as does my sister. After my mothers death I chose to estrange myself from her. Her emotions are so erradic and she strikes out, at times physically. I have a responsibility to protect myself and my children and why I chose to walk away from the chaos.

[@IrelandLochlin]

Same scenario for years. Its been almost 5 yrs since NC. Of course for 3 of those years my bpd older sister tried repeated to hoovered me but I stood firm.....no response. She finally stopped but I live with the loss everyday BUT me and my family have SO much more peace. Bless you. Youre not alone

[@margynelson7945]

Totally!! I don’t live near my sister that is this way thankfully and isn’t physical because she is always ill in some way but she is angry and a bully specially to me! Obsessively contacts me in ANY form someone can communicated. Calls, video calls, FB calls and video calls etc…. Screams, blames, belittles me and I shut that door!! She won’t stop still! She contacts our other sibs to play victim cuz I blocked her! I do not need guilt trips from relatives she doesn’t treat this way! They don’t understand!

[@margynelson7945]

@@IrelandLochlinYes!! Although I get guilt trips from other relatives who she doesn’t treat that way.

[@sirrantsalott]

Kermit is right sometimes it’s just best to let them go. No contact has been necessary.

[@lightfaeries7]

My sister has narsism and sadism too

[@nedthestaffieegan3452]

When I found this video I thought it might be a valuable resource to help heal a recent trauma through estrangement with my sister (initiated by me). However on listening, I was disappointed at the lack of impartiality or neutrality as it was aimed at helping the sibling without BPD, and there was nothing helpful for a sibling with BPD (who might actually need such help even more with navigation of the pain of estrangement). It also reinforced the existing unhelpful narrative that all people with BPD are really difficult, challenging and there was no consideration of the vast number of constellations or presentations of BPD where everyone is different. I listened to the halfway point and stopped there as it's just made me feel a whole lot worse about my situation. Although I have BPD, I have done a great deal of self work over 10 years where I have engaged in a deep therapeutic process. As a result I managed to get to the root of my core issues, and understand how they impacted on my development and interactions with my environment. Until I had surgery this year which traumatized me, I had been in remission where I had a decent grip on managing my life and my triggers. My standing in my family went from being the pain in the ass/ difficult one to actually contributing to the wellbeing and harmony through finding ways to connect better. Despite my diagnosis, I'm a very caring and considerate individual and go out of my way to save others from feeling any pain. Instead I carry it all which is how I developed BPD in the first place. As a psychologist I would have thought you might consider any biases you might have towards those with BPD before drawing the same conclusions. Family constellations and early trauma also play a huge part where everyone in the family is affected to some degree. Unfortunately I bore the brunt of the dysfunction being highly sensitive and having to grow up very fast to cope with the situation. When you are talking about sibling dynamics in later life taking the complexities of each family system, it's disappointing to hear the lack of nuance or objectivity to consider from the perspective of a sibling with BPD. It would have been much more helpful and interesting to have a more balanced discussion with a view to considering both perspectives, to bring closure or clarity for both parties. Instead you have just reinforced the usual predjudices and biases where BPD is demonised and we should just be totally abandoned. You do your viewers a disservice with this discussion as it's one sided and does nothing to help heal from sibling estrangement where there is BPD for either party. Despite playing a vital role in bringing my family closer over the past few years, developing a really strong and deep connection with my sister where we had a mutually important relationship, it all fell apart after I had the traumatic experience with surgery. My BPD symptoms (and other mental health issues) were all reactivated due to the trauma and I also developed PTSD. Im in a different country to my family but was in contact where I was in a really bad way. I was too unwell to understand what was going on or realise that my brain had gone haywire, rendering any tools or ways of coping totally lost to me. My family just checked out where they invalidated my feelings, and they made no effort to support me or just hear me. They minimised what I'd been through, doubting my account of what actually happened which made everything so much worse. Gradually all the hard work I'd invested started to slip away and my worst triggers were raging. I felt like I was just exaggerating, didn't have the right to feel what I was feeling and I was just a burden to everyone. What should have been a 3 months recovery turned out to be much longer as my sister acted in such a cold and distant way, over a period of time where I knew she had just given up on me. Every interaction felt weird where I just couldn't feel anything from her. No empathy or the usual compassion we would both naturally feel for each other. I visited despite feeling very unwell as I was seriously worried about our relationship. I could feel the distance growing wider and it was breaking my heart. It was also blocking my recovery and making PTSD worse as the trauma was getting linked up with feeling abandoned by everyone. This visit was a disaster as I was too vulnerable and she couldn't see it at all. Everything that transpired was like a knife to my heart and she was oblivious. It got worse when I returned home where I was in so much pain it was unbearable. I couldn't believe I was losing my sister, the one person in the world I trusted the most and felt the deepest connection with. We had both invested so much in our relationship where it was mutual, there was give and take and we both had a place of value in each other's lives. This had gone where I felt like some random acquaintance who she couldn't be bothered to put any work into repairing the damage. I got to the point I couldn't bear it anymore so I cut her off. I was too vulnerable and I couldn't take the risk of unraveling completely. This broke my heart and I have been mourning the loss of the most meaningful relationship in my life. I'm also still putting myself back together after being blown apart by trauma and having my worst fears and triggers of the ultimate rejection and abandonment come to pass. Please consider the feelings of both parties when making these videos, or change the title so it's specifically aimed at helping the sibling without BPD. Having read some of the comments I'd urge you to change the title so anyone who comes across this with BPD realises it's NOT helpful for them and actually harmful. Thank you

[@avacarma]

Your comment really resonated with me. I am currently trying to navigate and accept my sibling’s recent estrangement. She has been recently confirmed with a probable short to medium term terminal diagnosis after few years of a relatively stable illness, and after a couple of months of processing this, dealing with a hospitalisation which led to miscommunicated fear and panic from our family, me included, she decided to cut ties with all her imediate and close family. I have been in to counselling since to try to understand and see how I can support her, my daughter and myself best. My counsellor cautiously advanced the idea that she may suffer with BPD (I had given my insight/ understanding on our traumatic childhood and her rapport with her partner, my parents and myself throughout her adult life). I sometimes thought she had a stubborn personality but I also admired her positivity and resilience in the face of challenges whereas I would have had a tendency to be anxious and depressed. It never occurred to me that some reactions may have been signs of something underlying and in the long term perhaps problematic. It obviously makes me question my own behaviour, wondering may we all have traits like this and if so how to rebuild the bridge. Is it even possible? I am very grateful to have found this channel as there is very little around about sibling estrangement and even less so when it involves difficult illnesses and prospect of death. However, I get you point that the discussion can easily become one sided which doesn’t always sit easy with me as nobody is perfect and we all need to reflect on our own behaviours. I also understand that in such harrowing situations, one may need a safe place to express their pain. So I welcome your suggestion of her balanced discussion. Best of luck on your journey and wish you and your family peace

[@thefirm4606]

I’m sorry you went through this, but I feel like I watched a completely different video.

[@lindavezina6224]

I agree completely.

[@kellimihalic116]

I thank you for everything you said and am sorry you have lost your sister too. As if BPD wasn't hard enough. I was only diagnosed 5 years ago at age 45. I always knew I was different but when I finally had a breakdown, everyone thought I was just on drugs or something. Making me feel like no one saw was dying inside. No one stuck around for the diagnosis or these last 5 years of extremely hard work to be a person that relies on no one anymore that copes very well with therapy, meds and much reading and learning about my disorder. I hate the people hear BPD and think we are enjoying it and that we know what we're even doing to others let alone ourselves (prediagnosis). Like we asked to be abused as little kids and we enjoy being treated like we're just drama queens with nothing else to do. My mom died not knowing I wasn't just being dramatic and angry. I can never tell her how sorry I am but that I needed help not abandoning. I wasn't on drugs or whatever excuse she told herself. I wanted to be dead and I needed her and my sisters to not give up. I don't like being different. Maybe consider I just got the bad genes and cut me a break. We didn't ask for this people! We definitely don't enjoy it. When you're so harsh about us, you act like we like being incredibly messed up.

[@andrewo9712]

I agree completely. This video is damaging

[@linhunter3123]

I was estranged by my BPD younger sister years ago. I don’t know what I did. It hurt so much; more even than losing my older brother to death. It’s been about 15 years. That was after she used our mom to deliver the news to me that she was “taking a break” She makes contact when she feels desperate or needs support. Otherwise she’s silent, unfeeling, or terse. Her recollections are so skewed that she becomes the one done wrong even when she’s clearly to blame. Like when as an adult she stole my blouse, ruined it, but let me search for months before fessing up. Then ran away crying and hid in a closet but later told others that I had chased her down a hall and into the closet! My closet as she was living with my family at my invitation when she had housing trouble. Oh, I’m just heartbroken and feel guilty even though even offered to pay for us to get therapy by a therapist if her choice. I keep longing to heal but I guess it’s really hopeless.

[@thefirm4606]

I had to answer your comment as it spoke to me. You are not alone. ❤❤ This is my sister in a nutshell (also younger). What I did was become less dependent on her - her idea, and sobered up, and my life changed. Within 4 years I had exactly what I wanted, she didn’t, and she hated me for that. She went no contact after physically attacking my disabled mother and me calling the police on her. What you said about skewed recollections, taking a break, all rings alarms in my head. I was her connection to the ‘real world’, she understood life through my making it make sense for her. I would correct her memories as she would confuse incidents, people, places and I could remember that easily. Then the time came she didn’t trust me over what she knew was real in her head - and there are some totally crazy stories there - dad being a millionaire (he so is not 😂), room mates running sex businesses, to outright batshit crazy. She was also de facto homeless, had never held down a job for more than six months so by the time this happened aged 41, she didn’t have the foundation you or I had with work experience, good credit and all that stuff. (Lived with me for years, I worked my arse off to pay the bills). She had health problems that she exacerbated, gaslit me constantly, especially the older we grew. She wouldn’t go to therapy. She refused to engage with any institution or service. She did go to counselling once but stopped abruptly after I suspect the counsellor diagnosed BPD. After this she never contemplated going again. Silent, cold, unfeeling. Yes, oh yes. Anyhoo, back from my tangent, I feel your pain. It hurts so very much. Please do not feel guilty, it’s not your fault. What he,per me was learning everything I could about BPD, which made me see the behaviour patterns and cycles. All of what you said is textbook. It made me see how this has been there since we were children, it’s just that I coped with it as it was normal, right! The second thing is getting therapy, which I did (am still doing), and that helped so much. So very much. It got much easier, when I understood both her and me. You are not alone. ❤❤

[@dnk4559]

This sounds so much like my youngest sibling. Thank you for sharing this. It is so validating!

[@ryanshelton9793]

I struggle with even referring to the son my parents created as a brother. He is 3 years older than I am; and he taught me nothing but how to hate myself and have low self esteem. I went no contact with him 5 or 7 Years ago, only to break NC a year ago to engage in a cursing match that almost came to blows as we both threatened to kill each other. Bpd are terrible people. He steals, he beats women, he has no job, he abused his girlfriend's autistic son. He's living with my mom and got into a crash 2 days ago. Unfortunately the car hit the passenger side (my mom was the passenger). He never gets hurt, only the people who are stupid enough to be around them. My advice for people with borderlines in their lives: GO NO CONTACT. Never engage with the person again. Relationships empower them. Isolation destroys them. Take the power from them by removing Relationships from them.

[@RippleDrop.]

I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like me and my "sister".

[@nedthestaffieegan3452]

Hello Ryan, I read your comment and I can't imagine how much damage and chaos you and your family have been going through. The burden and stress that is placed with loved ones of those with BPD can wreak havoc and sometimes tear families apart. I have BPD to add full disclosure, but I'm hoping my comment might be helpful for your healing and recovery. The way BPD affects me is very different from what it sounds from your brothers presentation, so I can't make any assumptions without being in the situation. It sounds like no contact was the best way to disentangle from the mess and create more stability in your life, and I hope it is taking some of the pressure off you. This is not to make excuses for your brother or minimize how much his actions have hurt you, but I'm just suggesting a potential shift in your perspective that contributes towards more peace and your wellbeing. It sounds like you have been deeply hurt, but if you are making such strong suggestions and broadly applicable strategies that actually 'destroy' people with BPD, its reflecting a wound that shapes your worldview in such a powerful way you can't even view people with BPD as human beings. I don't know you, but I just don't get the sense you would want to destroy everyone who has BPD. It's clear that you have formed certain beliefs based on your personal experience, and you have every right to feel angry, frustrated and consider that anymore with BPD is likely to be the same. Avoidance of any harmful or abusive behavior by literally removing yourself is a normal and healthy mechanism for self preservation. However, in light of all this, would it make you feel a bit better or to process what you have been through by looking at it from a more compassionate perspective? This puts self compassion first where you acknowledge all the work and effort into trying to cope. Reminding yourself that you are a good brother and all the good things you have done for your brother. If your brother didn't have BPD, but had developed cancer of the brain (just creating a different scenario), which affected your brothers personality in a dramatic way where he exhibited all the traits you have described, do you think you would have a different perspective by having a tangible scientific explanation behind how your brothers behavior? Would you feel the same way as you do now, where you made the decision to cut him out of your life and developed a belief that all the people like your brother are just inherantly bad people, who should be shunned and suggest everyone else do the same? Please know I'm not trolling or trying to make you feel bad, or giving unsolicited advice or judging you for how you feel. It's just that I have had a horrific year and had surgery that was so traumatic it literally changed my personality. I had known about my BPD diagnosis for a long time, but the surgery seemed to cause so much turbulence in my brain it went haywire. My family were previously so loving and supportive (as they were proud of the person I had become through working really hard with therapy over several years. It was a long and painful experience where I had to face some serious demons, but it was worth it. My wellbeing and my love for my family was a powerful motivator and contributing factor in my gradual but sustainable growth. They were worth the pain and I'd have done anything for them. After my surgery, they all seemed to forget about all the work I'd done, how strong our bonds were. My BPD relapse came like a tonne of bricks and I could feel myself unraveling and I was terrified of going back to the way I was. Usually I try and work through my problems on my own if I can before bothering anyone. I'll say I'm fine and downplay the emotional torment I sometimes endure to protect them from getting dragged into my sh*it. This time I was so unwell, I couldn't pretend or minimise how much I was struggling and I was more vulnerable than I've ever been in my whole life. I had no option but be honest with them about the level of risk I was at and how serious my situation was. Unfortunately none of them were willing to step in, in any genuine way, to help me feel supported and safe in my relationships. They treated me like an alcoholic who has relapsed where they were disgusted by my pain and suffering. After so many years of putting everyone else first, the only time I expressly had to put myself first and ask for help, none of them even tried. It made me feel like I wasn't worth the effort or that they valued our relationships in the same way I did. My will to live just withered, as my life as I knew it was turned upside down. There was no meaning in my life without the presence and love of my family. I wished I had cancer instead as I knew they would be able to have compassion if that was the case and comprehend the seriousness of my situation. Sorry if this has been over sharing, but I'd suggest reflecting on if it was brain cancer and not BPD, whether your feelings towards your brother might change? Do you think you would judge him in any harsh way if none of it was his fault, it was just his brain functioning at a lower capacity? There is scientific evidence that shows that certain areas of the brain that control perception and behavior are compromised in people with BPD. However awfully your brother or anyone else with BPD is behaving, it's not necessarily all their fault. It might help you frame things so they are easier to understand and heal from any pain from the past. I wish you the very best for you and your family. I hope you all find the healing that might help repair any damage 🕊️

[@Vale0x3]

I absolutely agree. Your brother sounds like my older sister. I went no contact with her 8 years ago. At 10 years I'm going to have a celebration. Unbelievable she tried to reach out to me in 2012. She attacked me physically, then called me, asking me to apologize.

[@kellimihalic116]

Unfair putting us all in the "terrible" category. I didn't ask to be abused as a little kid. I never intentionally want to hurt anyone but myself. When you put terms like "terrible" and "abusive" on all of us who absolutely suffer, you stigmatize those of us who know our disease, our triggers, and our behaviors, and work extremely hard every day to be good, self reliant members of society. It hurts. Please be nice.

[@thefirm4606]

@@kellimihalic116no one asks for abuse as a child. I didn’t, neither did my sister. We both have CPTSD. She has BPD, I have manic depression and am an addict - I didn’t ask for that either. Did I get her empathy, no, it was always about her pain, not mine. Sound familiar? Gaslit for most of my life, up until the point I worked to keep her in the lap of luxury, while she never bothered with a job. Guess what, life is shit for many people, we deal with it differently, I don’t treat my family like shit, nor attack my disabled mother when refused yet more money. I’d have slightly more sympathy if you’d said, I’m sorry you’ve been through this, here’s my take, but … no - straight to me, me, me.

[@nicoledburns82]

My sister was cruel and said some rather disgust8ng things like my kids would be better off if i were dead. She didnt go to put brithers wedding because she wasnt the maid of honor. She diesnt go to holiday gatherings ir anything...but her excuse is that it isnt her fault because she has borderline and nobody ever compliments her. No joke.

[@Leemeelone]

Similar situation- I’ll never share space or time w my sibling again

[@CamilaRodriguez-iq7pc]

My twin sister has BPD, and while growing up we had a good relationship but things changed once we became adolescents. She began a relationship with a boy who would smoke weed and drink every day. Soon she began doing the same and it came to a point were I couldn't stand it anymore and told my parents. Since then it all went downhill. In the course of the next 4 years she had more boyfriends, became addicted to drugs, stole from me and my family, had risky sex, self harmed and even attempted suicide multiple times. She later on was sent to a mental health center in the countryside and I could not express how happy it made me (naive me though everything would be solved and she would change, spoiler alert: she didn't) Since my mother works all day I've been the one dealing with her since it all started, I couldn't enjoy my teenage years because I was 24/7 keeping an eye on her. We're now 18 and she no longer takes drugs but her attitude never changed, she tells me that if she could she would take drugs again and that she doesn't see the last few years as something "that bad". She does not regret anything. I hate her

[@TaylorAmelia]

You need to understand the disease better. She does all that stuff because she hates herself. It’s about her, not you. Have some empathy for her inner turmoil

[@BennyHuncho]

@@TaylorAmeliaexactly! Like wtf is wrong with these people . They only make us feel worse with the things they say and how they perceive us

[@TaylorAmelia]

@@BennyHuncho my bpd symptoms are drug induced so that being said there was a time when I didn’t understand and wasn’t able to empathize. But now I know

[@thefirm4606]

I’m sorry you went through this. My younger sister could give your sister a run for her money. I hope you find peace ❤

[@thefirm4606]

@@TaylorAmeliahave empathy for the people who have to pick up the pieces. Seriously, no empathy from you so why should you get it?

[@katesith6]

I think i may be BPD. I don't even know what to do. I am so scared and having so much trouble.

[@thefirm4606]

Please talk to someone, get therapy. Please 🙏🏽 ❤❤

[@katesith6]

@@bathemeinchampagne so you think people with bpd are evil? Maybe you need an evil check yourself.

[@thefirm4606]

@@bathemeinchampagne evil? That’s a presumptive choice of words.

[@katesith6]

@@bathemeinchampagne I don't know who hurt you, but please remember that it wasn't me.

[@katesith6]

@@bathemeinchampagne it's really odd that you think know everything about a stranger on the internet, and also about their family. Have you ever asked a therapist about your tendencies toward narcissism?

[@LineKlintrup-ve8so]

spot on! Thank you. Dont ever stop making videos of this object

[@SiblingEstrangement]

Hi Line! Thanks for your support. Always glad to know our viewers enjoy our content!😃

[@kellimihalic116]

Please remember those of you who just abandon us without our really understanding and deep soul searching of what BPD is and how we act and treat you, think twice please. We don't set out to hurt anyone but ourselves and we honestly are completely unaware we are causing you grief. All we feel is in that second and it's an emotional explosion going on in our brain and body. We if untreated and unknowing don't watch what we say ordo others take it as us being jerks and hateful when all we wanted was to not feel horrible ourselves. I'm afraid this doesn't sound a thing like id wanted it to. Maybe someone can understand I hope so.

[@k.l.hollister8128]

I’m trying to understand but when my sister calls the police and makes up lies how does she not think she would be hurting someone? She’s very smart and obviously know lying to police about someone would be harmful.

[@nikinu5032]

My sister tortured me emotionally our whole childhood and wished my death to my face daily- I’m past trying to understand why she did that. You may not be like that, but as someone who has experienced trauma by the hand of my now BPD diagnosed sister, I think it is insensitive to tell people to try to understand the why their abuser abused them.

[@johngarrity6687]

I have compassion for you dealing with BPD. But those with BPD can be very emotionally and verbally abusive. No one should be subject to that or expected to tolerate it. I hope you are getting help, and working on it. Wishing you well💛

[@MarkytheCat73]

I have compassion for you. In relation to my bpd friend, I really don’t want to be around this person for a while. She doesn’t want my company or phone calls but sends idiotic texts of cartoons. I’ve extended myself and an tired of her. It’s as if she has no idea she hurts people with her nasty words and rejection. Unfortunately she plans to be at my other friends home for Christmas. That should be a day that is ruined again.

[@aliciablanda2835]

After 25 years of verbal abuse and the recent violence, I’ve had enough. I don’t deserve this. I’ve done everything i can to help him - financially and emotionally. He has to want to help himself … and he doesn’t want it.

[@discord20]

This all sounds so much like my brother

[@nedthestaffieegan3452]

I'm just adding a comment to bring some balance to this, as it's one sided and not helpful at all for any sibling with BPD who is estranged. I have BPD and my intention behind this comment is to try and view from a different perspective, to help anyone who is estranged from a sibling. From the comments it is clear that most of you are trying to navigate relationships with siblings with BPD, and I genuinely empathise. Although my presentation isn't a typical BPD, (I have a deep rooted desire for peace and harmony within myself and anyone in my environment), I count myself as lucky where my symptoms don't manifest through manipulation, attention seeking and I go to great lengths to nourish and treasure my deep connections whether it's friends or family. This comment isn't to invalidate the feelings of anyone who has suffered any harm through a sibling with BPD, as I can only imagine how difficult it is if the BPD is more conflict driven or the person with BPD doesn't acknowledge their behavior or take any responsibility. The deep psychological work I have been doing over 10 years has helped me understand more about the condition, my triggers and the unhealthy patterns or ways of relating that are dysfunctional. Whenever I've had an insight or anything that feels like progress, it pushes me further to do anything I can to keep myself well so I'm not a burden to anyone. I'm always looking for ways to improve and will accept feedback if it makes sense and coming from a place of love rather than being accusatory. This has helped me be more attentive to my moods and regulate my emotions better. Over the most recent years it has felt like I'm finally starting to notice how I've grown and it actually had a ripple effect in my family, as I have focused on developing my connection with the people I love so I can be the best sister/ daughter or friend that I can be. After a suicide attempt which was the most serious, my motivation for keeping myself alive was to save my family the pain of my actions. Although it's not the ideal way to look at things from a recovery perspective (as it is generally better if the motivation is for oneself), it kept me alive where I endured whatever emotional pain I was in and put my family first. One of my unhealthy patterns is people pleasing and avoiding conflict, and it's caused me great harm through my life. I never put myself first and always tried to help others if I had the opportunity. As a result it's led to enormous emotional turbulence for me as I couldn't have difficult conversations due to my fear of hurting anyone or initiating conflict. The torment I go through is kept inside, where I will do anything to spare my loved ones any suffering. This has led to even deeper awareness of my issues as I realised I had no sense of my own identity. I'm only going through the individuation process that Carl Jung described now, in my late 40s. This was because I missed the key developmental points in a child/ teenager and adult to help with maturity and having a healthy way of relating and being. This was due to trauma in my childhood where I was so worried about my Mum and couldn't bear to see her suffering. She's an amazing person who inspires me enormously, but in my child's mind I somehow felt it was my responsibility to try and protect her, make her feel loved and help to make her life easier. She didn't ask this of me, but my subconscious motivations were a driving force in the development of BPD. I hope this doesn't come across as me looking for pity, or coming from a defensive place where I'm representing anyone with BPD. Its such a vastly complex disorder to unravel and painful doing the necessary therapeutic work, but it was worth it if it went any way towards not placing any burden on my family. Some of the comments and the video itself just seem to reflect that personal experiences are determining your overall views that anymore with BPD is a menace, and should be dumped. This made me angry at first, as I had been listening to lots of the videos from this channel to try and figure out how I could cope with the loss of my sister. This video just made me feel like trash, not worthy of compassion, empathy when needed and reinforced my sense of being seen as a 'problem'. My issue with this in this video is a lack of awareness or compassion or constructive advice for both parties. It's always better to try and find solutions and do the necessary work if necessary to maintain healthy relationships. This video and both of the hosts have demonstrated an unbalanced view and laden with biases. It's not constructive at all as it doesn't suggest any way to help siblings where BPD is an issue. When I saw the title of the video it made me really pleased, as I was hoping to share with my sister, if and when I felt ready to try and mend some of the damage. I had a view to helping us both with perspective from professionals and so called experts in sibling estrangement. This is the last thing I'd share, as it would only support her and vindicating her actions. It's easy to scapegoat anyone with BPD where it's assumed they are behind any difficulties. Again, I only speak for myself but reflecting and ruminating over the way she treated me and let me down, but if she saw this video she would blame me for everything and abdicate any responsibility for the breakdown in our relationship. I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt, try to put myself in their shoes and make so many allowances for unacceptable behavior, where I'm constantly hurt as I am seen as weak, a mess and not worthy of respect. My opinion, needs and feelings are just as valid as anyone. Yet I'm patronised and considered 'less than' as I'm the only person who is honest and real in my family. If I feel there is an issue, I will initiate something to work through it. Im diplomatic and always try to build bridges, discuss anything important without diminishing or invalidating anyone's feelings. My siblings don't extend the same courtesy or make the same effort to maintain healthy and genuine relationships, to lift each other up if needed, delight in successes and have a rock solid sense that you can rely on your siblings and have each other's backs.ive realised that I'm making the most of the effort and I'm not considered worth it from my siblings perspective. This has been incredibly hard to come to terms with and I feel like something has broken inside me that may never be fixed. The loss I've felt has been so overwhelming as I have to accept that my siblings don't have my back and our relationships have been gradually deteriorating due to lack of effort on their parts. I'm not perfect. But no one is. If anyone who has BPD and sees this video, I hope it hasn't been harmful. For those in the comments section, I know how hard it is to cut ties to preserve onself. It was I who felt I had no choice but to cut my sister off as I was really vulnerable and her conduct pushed me over the edge where I was suicidal. It must be particular hard if you are worried about your sibling and how they might cope with the loss. I'm genuinely sorry to hear about your experiences and acknowledge it would influence how you feel about BPD. However, we are not all the same. If anyone relates to my comment where they might one day consider the possibility of re-estabishing contact, where the estrangement doesn't have to last a lifetime, don't give up on your sibling. Of course this isn't useful for anyone where the BPD symptoms are too difficult to cope with and it is better to cut ties. To the speakers on this video, please reflect on your biases and consider whether this video is helpful or objective. As content creators and especially from a psychologist who should know better, you have a responsibility to your viewers to present balanced views. If I went to you as a client for psychotherapy, your biases would create problems in the therapeutic relationship. I was going to buy Ferns book, but I doubt there will be anything of value to me. BPD has a bad enough stigma as it is and it doesn't need further demonisation. We are all human beings and it's incredibly offensive and damaging to lump everyone with BPD together. It's dehumanizing to reduce people who are already suffering by pushing advice that's not balanced. Sibling relationships are sacred and this video does not reflect that for me.

[@sirrantsalott]

That’s nice but my BPD brother can rot in the hands of public health services and die in hospice all by himself. He reaps what he sowed over so many years. I’m surprised he hasn’t died of alcoholism although he did attempt at unaliving himself and thanks to me he is still alive today but apparently he forgets things I’ve done for him like that. And especially forgets his asshole and evil ways all through out my childhood. To this day he can’t stand my kindness, compassion and generosity. So fk him. Even though I went no contact, his great magical-thinking mind still believes I would be taking care of him at his end of life. Nah. No thanks. Who’d want to take care of whiny jealous 14 yr old with a tantrum of a 3 year old in an uncontrollable 80+ yr old body?

[@avacarma]

Thanks for your insight

[@sophieserendipity4164]

This is one if the very few Videos adressing siblings who have a sibling suffering with bpd. Yet it seems you have to make it about you and your bpd with that comment. The harsh reality is that bpd doesn't just affect the people who have it. It affects their siblings, too. I'm one of those people, and the many comments from others who have a complicated relationship to a sibling with bpd make me feel less alone. While you're not responsible for having it, you are responsible for your behaviour. You are not absolved from having to deal with people's boundaries. Chances are they've been trying to set boundaries for a long time and at some point decided they just couldn't cope anymore and proiritized their own lives, just as you prioritize yours. Our lives have been altered forever by this disease, too. Let us have a little video and a few comments to comfort one another instead of our siblings for once.

[@thatcandorgirl]

@@sophieserendipity4164 I agree to all of what you said. It's sad already that so little studies exist determining how a sibling gets affected when their sibling has BPD. There needs to be a space for everyone to feel acknowledged. Be it the patient themselves, or each and every single member of the family. Specially those who grew up with them and have to navigate a normalcy in a world outside of the home.

[@barbsaenz8882]

BPD bashing, again. This is harmful to those of us in therapy doing the hard work. I can't even finish this video.

[@SiblingEstrangement]

Sorry you feel that way. If anything, the video helps us to understand some of the dynamics that can be at play with sibling estrangement. If you're the one being estranged, then it can be difficult for you, and exacerbate the fear of abandonment. There are ways to work on this that can involve emotional regulation and self-compassion. Wishing you all the best!

[@krimbii]

It shouldn't be harmful to you. In fact it should make you more aware of how uncontrolled BPD can harm other people in your life. These types of videos should motivate you to be better.

[@giantgirl1525]

Not all therapy and not all work done is for the benefit of the person with BPD. The siblings of people with BPD are entitled to heal themselves. When the behavior of a sibling with BPD is abusive or otherwise causes you trauma, disengaging may present the best chance for future recovery. That is not BPD bashing. Estrangement can be the safest and most appropriate response for the sibling. It is not all about you.

[@sweetascandyxoxo]

Jesus will fill the void