Narcissism as You Age: Grandiosity vs Authenticity | ELSA RONNINGSTAM

[@farmcat3198]

So glad this popped up just now. I'm middle age. Laid off a handful of years ago, haven't had a meaningful job in a year. Stopped looking. My former career field has changed dramatically and I don't want it any longer. After sitting several years and realizing I'm wasting away towards a "death of despair", I've decided to re-enroll in school to pursue the higher education that I wanted to pursue before my wife talked me out of it. I have to 'start over' so to speak, but now our family doesn't have the financial worries we had when we were younger. Whether this leads to a career or not is unknown, but I need to do something to move forward to get off the "death of despair" track I'm currently on. This video struck me in a timely moment. Thanks for uploading it.

[@grungepants]

I commend you for shaking up your way of thinking and also taking action on that. Grief can be a hard thing to shake, even if its just the grief of losing a career. A nice phrase I've heard is "Action is the antidote to anxiety".

[@alizaofbrooklyn]

Seems impossible not to … especially at mid-life. This is where spirituality must come in. “Mobilizing courage” is a nice phrase the doctor uses. We, at mid life, need mentors, models. It’s a different passage than the years previous. I like your questioning: the search for the authentic self.

[@grungepants]

I find we need more meaning in middle age. Your soul can be satisfied in youth by shallow highs but when you get closer to the end of the book, you start to need some real answers.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Ooo I thought this was about narcissism in the Middle ages like as in pre 1000AD 😂

[@fortniteflex9471]

Surely there was some medieval merchant who found himself realizing he didn’t achieve the success he wanted to and who suffered from narcissistic pathology

[@GooglSucksDisk]

Middle age. Middle ages.

[@brettneuberger6466]

😂

[@tabbycat55]

I thought this when I first read it, too! A deep dive into the monarchy and feudal lords. 😂

[@NOSEBLOB]

I'm sure sapiens, such as Calligula and trump, have been enamored of their own reflection since those special few chimps and bonobos started coiffing.

[@Jacobson02]

Illuminating, and so relatable. Thanks Rebbie!

[@makeupartist1411]

When their grandiosity collapses due to old age, there's just more blaming and victimhood. No honest evaluation possible. More raging is possible.

[@grungepants]

I feel sorry for narcissists who lose their looks amd youth. I dont think they are capable of handling a loss of beauty like a deeper person would be. They are like strange children in my eyes.

[@carissajae2410]

I witnessed this exact outcome in someone.

[@isitjustme_]

You're exactly right !

[@mrtanyaaaaa]

Is a conclusion from this conversation that narcissists are high achievers (or try to be so) and only after getting to the top in their middle age (be that in the middle ages or another era), realise that what they genuinely wanted was much lower down the ladder (so to speak)?

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

Hey, no, we aren't high achievers, more like losers. It takes quit a lot of self-confidence to climb the social ladder and more so to stay up there. Narcissist are to sensitive to the way people see them. We don't handle stress well either. Of course some do make it but they make bad managers. So, no the crisis is not about having strived all of our lives to be high achievers. Actually this is a misconception that comes from the confusion between ASPDs (who have what it takes to make it) and grandiose NPDs (overts). In fact overts seek admiration, respect, applauds, be the center of attention and all of that... but mostly so in their everyday life. They are recluctant to move out of their comfort zone. They mainly form a court among friends and family where they stand at the center (or so they think). Vulnerable ones (me) may try to be high achievers depending on their upbringing. They are the ones who have dreams of success, but they don't do well if they make it. Starts in particular self-destruct after reaching the top (Cobain, Winehouse). But mainly, the idea is that we tried to comply with society's expectations all our life and that's what the crisis is about. Not having set our own goals which require knowing who you are.

[@grungepants]

​@@ThreetwoOne-wu7yeIn my experience, people I've met with narcissist personality's are usually very successful and somewhat popular people. I've also met some narcissists who are lonley failures but it seems to be much more rare.

[@DevoidVoid]

​​​@@grungepants they are all losers. All of them. The other people got lucky and had a better blueprint from their parents, to follow suit, and to "fill the void". The void is always there tho. So it's going to be expressed by the "losers" who can't maintain Grandiosity more then those who are actively filling the void 🤷 That's why people call Andrew Tate a loser despite what he is perceived to have, that doesn't matter at all, if you think otherwise I have some bad news for you 😂

[@sweet2sourr]

I wonder what BPD looks like in middle age

[@Babka113]

Good chance for spontaneous healing of bpd in middle age

[@DD-jm5ug]

Depends on your life and what's going on and level of support ❤

[@robcormier210]

I remember being at bars in my early twenties and seeing 40 something year old women (most likely divorced), dressed like twenty year Olds. Looking back now, that was probably BPD?

[@erich1394]

@@robcormier210 To me, that seems like a very specific set of conclusions drawn from very superficial evidence. I think you may have made some assumptions in error.

[@robcormier210]

​@@erich1394 quite possible it was an assumption. I just found it a bit odd at the time. I'd never heard of BPD back then, but could'nt help but to feel sorry and embarrassed for these women, even at my young age.

[@priscillagrrr4405]

Im searching for my small boat ⛵

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

I have to find the captain.

[@Juka161]

Same here !

[@thomas-marx]

Maybe shes saying that its already in your yard or behind your garage? And you are saying, oh surely not that, thats not a real boat, thats just a kayak i use until i get my boat? ImHo

[@agdOU]

It has been truly insane 👍🏻

[@healcptsd6467]

I have a big "boat" I should have sold 7 years ago, or never bought....

[@zareththealchemist8982]

Narcs don't go to a therapist. They're perfect already. Just ask them. Nothing more to talk about. They just begin to double down on all their false sense of grandiosity, revisionist history and fighting. I don't know how this therapist tricked and narcs to sit down and admit they are anything less than perfect.

[@Oberon44]

some go out of self obsession, but only if they find themselves in a subculture that highly values personal work. trust me they are the worst. california is full to the brim with them.

[@DevoidVoid]

​@@Oberon44 I watched someone named Destiny during my transition of youth to adulthood. I had been turned from right wing politics of extremes, to more centre left, through what I ALWAYS describe as a "bludgeoning of my ego". The issue is there is really nothing driving me to do anything anymore. Grandiosity is all that's pushing or driving.

[@isitjustme_]

Additionally, Dr RONNINGSTAM, who I truly respect and find interesting, as some of her ideas are revelatory, and dynamic, mentioned in another video that people with NPD are Human Being's and that is ONE thing that I have to disagree with. Empathy and compassion are the conduits to Human Connection and to identifying with the human condition. They are intrinsic to our survival as a species, and a fundamental condition for humans to be inherently moral. These individuals are fundamentally devoid of empathy and compassion for Human life, and human experiences; UNLESS it is directed toward themselves. People with NPD seemed to have evolved backwards, regardless of the origins (trauma) of that devolution, they are no more *human* than our closest living relatives: The Great Ape.

[@marysmith801]

The Doctor didn't answer any of the questions, what a quack.