Boundaries 101: Finding The Edges Of Our Authenticity

[@leslie.dixon.]

Your videos are literally giving me a crash course in things I haven’t understood before and I’m 47! Thank you!

[@BXisbetterthanBKLYN]

I feel the same way ... and I'm 47 too!

[@brittanymarciniak5078]

I turned 50 this year and have had decades of therapy. Heidi is the best therapist I've ever had 😂 (she just doesn't know I'm her client, lol). So many things have come together for me since I started watching her. I go back and listen to certain videos to help me stay present. She is such a gift.

[@normandannug6118]

Same! And I'm 49 😁. Thanks Heidi for creating and sharing these videos 👍🏽👍🏽

[@squirlable]

45 here, and feeling and hoping the same! Heidi has changed my whole mindset

[@juliet8678]

LOL you are so lucky, I didn't discover what a boundary was until I was 60! 😱

[@khatgib]

WOW! A definite shift occurred after hearing, "Boundaries are not something that we need to set. They are something that already exist."

[@m2pozad]

That's backwards. Boundaries don't set themselves, nor enforce themselves. We do it all, unless we have guardians looking after us as children.

[@f.u.c8308]

​@@m2pozadI think this is missing the point..... your boundary is going to be felt by you first, that's the point

[@ashishupadhyay7847]

​@@f.u.c8308😊😊

[@kbc1883]

@@m2pozad I heard/understood that differently. What I heard was that our authentic self has natural boundaries. If we are acting authentically, are tuned into ourselves, and are taking care of ourselves, then those boundaries are evident to us and we can act from them. But if we are not in tune with ourselves or not taking care of our authentic selves, we may not recognize and acknowledge our natural boundaries. A healthy person will recognize their authentic boundaries and take responsibility for acknowledging them and sharing them with those that we want to be in relationship with and taking actions that support their own boundaries or modify them in a way that remains authentic.

[@m2pozad]

@@f.u.c8308 Of course one is privy to their own reactions or needs. But others have no idea what those are until they are conveyed in some manner. One's communication about their less fluid or non-negotiable issues is the beginning of boundary setting. Such as "I like, prefer, don't like, hate, etc.. Once that expression does not produce a desired adjustment, the fixed boundary is employed.

[@saratexas5181]

“Maximally alive and minimally resentful” is fantastic haha. This is good stuff.

[@masterpanda]

Heidi, your channel is offensively underrated… I have been on a healing journey since 2021 from getting broken up with 4 times over the span of 2 years. I have learned so much from many different KZbin channels addressing emotional health, attachment theory, and relational dynamics but there hasn’t been a channel where I’ve had so much of what I understand theoretically, finally click in a real deep and personal way until this channel. This might be the single most impactful channel towards my emotional growth and navigating my close relationships! What a gem of a channel and a human being!! ❤️

[@kateribarry]

This video made the concept of re-parenting a lot more transparent to me. Like, literally imagining a child separate from myself and thinking "would I let this happen to them? Would I let them act this way?" For some reason I had never really thought about it that way.

[@HybridParentSupport]

This really helped me visualize child work more clearly too

[@11kravitzn]

Growing up with your boundaries constantly being crossed makes you lose your sense of authenticity. I feel like I'm still learning my authentic self now after all these years, and so I have to learn what is an authentic boundary as well. That makes setting them difficult, obviously. But I'm learning more and improving every day. Thanks for your work. I and many others deeply appreciate it.

[@Baptized_in_Fire.]

I felt every word as my own experience. Especially the first sentence. It was like 'the sky is blue and grass is green' when I read it. You nailed it. Thanks

[@MaryKay-e2o]

I saw boundaries defines as the place where you can love yourself and love the other person at the same time. I love that. It has become how I define boundaries.

[@howtosober]

Disorganized attachment and CPTSD have caused a lot issues and angst around boundaries. I always thought I was good at them, til I learned that I generally waited til I was angry and then issued ultimatums or canceled people altogether, leaving me with months (or years TBH) of resentment afterward. Setting up expectations in relationships with the little things can really prevent a lot of these breakdowns. I love what Brianna Macwilliam said in a video once: You can have unconditional regard [love] for people, but *relationships* are conditional. This is because we all have limited time, energy, and resources. So unlike a lot of New Age thought around boundaries, expectations, and unconditional love, it is absolutely appropriate to have specific standards about how we allocate those resources in our relationships and what we need to have in return. Thais Gibson's Integrated Attachment Theory model has also been of great help.

[@f.u.c8308]

This is so on point especially the part about love vs relatuonship

[@ThanksGiving-c9u]

Grace goes a long way too. Everyone is learning and growing.

[@Sarah-vi4cx]

I think when your boundaries are repeatedly violated as a child, or when a child tries to set a boundary and gets punished for it it becomes really difficult to set boundaries as an adult for fear of those types of reactions. At least in my experience

[@hiruki8]

Absolutely. I suspect most parents don't properly model establishing boundaries or they dont expect children should be allowed to have boundaries. Theres a pretty common "children are property" mindset

[@shimmeringchimps3842]

​@@hiruki8So true! When a child tries to set a boundary, a lot of people punish the child for being "disrespectful" or having an "attitude," instead of acknowledging the boundary but gently teaching the child how to clearly communicate that in a respectful way.

[@tomriordan6008]

To be able to have friends and a girlfriend that had this level of vulnerability and ability to authentically communicate would truly be amazing!

[@rhinoskin7550]

That's the weird thing about looking up this info.. lol. Then I have to try and find other topics of discussion because most ppl don't wanna talk about this stuff, it seems. Or I'm still fucked up. Who knows 😂😂😂

[@oceaneyes937]

I'm the flaky friend because I say yes to plans when I'm feeling good and then by the time the plans roll around, I'm burned out and exhausted again because I people please and ignore my own boundaries 😭 This is a great video, you have a gift for articulating complicated things in a way that is super clear and easy to understand. Lots of ah-ha moments! The inner child thing really brought it home for me.

[@aazhie]

I have freinds like this. It is so nice to hear from them a day before: Hey I'm going to try to make it but I am super tired and may not be up to an adventure if I don't sleep well tonight... or even hearing from them in other ways can make a difference. I have ADHD and the burnout is very real and frustrating!

[@YouTubeAddict24-7]

This is all new to me I'm trying to figure it out but all the different attachment styles have me confused onto what one do I have? And I have a close friend that's an ex and I think she might have some sort of attachment aswell but since there is 4 I don't know which I am or she is and I always hope at the least we can stay friends because some people heads have problems and I don't want to say something that might make them depressed or anything else ? Anyone with feedback would be great thanks

[@joslyntheneutralbard1878]

My inner child is actually a lot better than me at getting mad and asking for better and getting me to set a boundary 😅 I love that about her 😊

[@evs9949]

Hahaha, same. When she said that, I was like, no, my inner child is not over-extending. She is royally pissed and would gtfo if I let her... I should really take her more seriously.

[@bo-jf7nj]

some times i think if i just had better boundaries i could’ve kept certain ppl in my life

[@ashleyboots3386]

Boundaries are so important! Back in 2020, when I was still very ambivalent about setting and respecting my own boundaries, it cost me quite a lot. Learning healthy boundaries has been life-changing!

[@sotek2345]

I am at the point where I feel like setting boundaries is unethical and would make me a much worse person. Any advice?

[@ashleyboots3386]

@@sotek2345 oh my gosh, no! Setting boundaries is an integral part of being ethical, actually! 🙂 When you set boundaries for yourself, you communicate your needs clearly, and you set limits others should respect with regards to how you choose to live your life when interacting with you. When you respect the boundaries of others, you show that you value and honor their personal autonomy and right to live their life as they choose. Boundaries aren't a rejection; ignoring them (including and especially your own!) is, however. I hope that made sense 😅

[@sotek2345]

@@ashleyboots3386 Makes complete sense to me about others boundaries and respecting them, I just can't feel the same about mine. If someone asks something of me (that is legal and ethical) that I don't want to do or feel uncomfortable doing, that is just me selfishly putting my needs above theirs.

[@ashleyboots3386]

@@sotek2345 something that might help here is practicing self-love and self-kindness. An easy way to do this, because we all make mistakes, is to be actively forgiving of yourself when you make a mistake. Instead of getting mad at yourself for making the mistake, take the chance to look at what happened, why, and if it teaches you anything about yourself in that moment. Use forgiving language - "it's okay, I made a mistake, let's figure out why, it doesn't make me a bad person". It's like a snowball, start that ball rolling and it'll pick up speed! 🙂

[@ebbyc1817]

it's crazy to think, how essential they are, and how we were NEVER taught them. It's like finding out, what, nutrients are. Like only just finding out what, Vitamin C is...

[@AlanCohenalco67]

all the other cousel on youtube reveals concepts, theories, strategies but not the practical application that is truly a step by step manual process the yield results. Your coursework in University has given you incredible enlightenment of how to execute effective instruction that is esily accessible and can be utilizde almost in every aspect of our day to day living in most questionable circumstances in all environmrnts.. A blessing you are to all those who continue to seek your wisdom and consultation as you truly live your passion to help others to overcome that which you also endured but learned all the value lessons and refused to give up, give in or give out... Thank you Heidi 🙏

[@jonxchristopher]

the way you assist me in gently stepping thru the doors of breakthrough is something i cannot thank you enough for. what and incredible thing it is, to experience, and then come back here to intelligently connect the red threads between logic and emotion. i feel so lucky to have found your channel; an older part of me that lives inside currently feels a tsunami wave of relief after watching this video. 💙💙💙

[@MagisterialVoyager]

I love the term "the edges of our authenticity" so much!

[@dannycolwell8028]

I’ve always thought of a boundary as “this makes it safe for us to grow close without abandoning ourselves” but I think it’s just a dumbed down version of what you’re already saying

[@whitewolf9547]

Heidi, you are my new favorite KZbinr. You knowledge is beyond what anyone else provides. You also make me realize I am not asking too much in my relationships and really I’m just asking the wrong people. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@kasia6598]

Been trying to implement and understand boundaries for the past 2 years. This single video has given me a huge perspective shift. Thank you Heidi

[@chrismaxwell1624]

I found I never needed to set boundaries. I already had my boundaries. I just wasn't communicating them. I was really listening to myself and refusing to seem them. That lead to resentment.

[@hayattMD]

heidiii is on fire with the uploads and I am HERE FOR ITTT 🔥🔥🔥

[@triplej0320]

Facts!! So needed for me

[@MS-ns4ki]

🤮🤮

[@MRW453]

Thanks Heidi! Your material is so incredibly helpful- I am so grateful for all that you share!! I feel it is some of the the best mental strength information that I have ever received- such hope for healing and better relationships. Again, thank you ❤

[@patriciacashman5553]

Excellent example of boundaries Heidi: To live within our genuine nature and know it’s borders well enough to feel when we are over-reaching (which can be unsafe). It’s not about setting them for others, it’s about knowing our own. Bravo! 🌷

[@ladyjusticesusan]

That’s the first time I’ve heard parenting the inner child explained in a way I could understand it. Thank you.

[@saeyyy]

What you're saying about how we set boundaries with people we WANT to be in relationship with is so important. I just had a boundaries conversation with my parents (in their 60s) two weeks ago, and that was what was most on my heart-our relationship isn't "bad", but I had given up on it being good, and pretended I was happy, and I want to ACTUALLY be happy with them. I remember my partner bringing up things to me 5+ years ago that were hard for me to hear, because it felt like I could never "be" who they wanted me to be for them, but as I've developed my own emotional awareness and worked on myself since then, I've developed such a respect for them for saying that and being honest with themselves even about how our relationship was making them feel. We are still together and her bringing these things up is a large part of the reason, because me understanding the urgency and impact of my behaviour motivated me to find a way to be better, both for myself and for her. I know sometimes we have "boundaries" conversations and we have to face necessary endings, but the truth is that some people DO take steps to meet you at a place that works for both of you, and by having that conversation we give them that chance. If we love them, we give them that chance rather than putting it on ourselves to keep paying the cost.

[@sallyjrwjrw6766]

Super jealous. I've given up on having a good relationship with my parents. Way to scary to open up to them.

[@davidbriggs1148]

❤

[@Franziska.Meyer.]

HOW is it possible that I was in countless coaching and therapy sessions, explaining my struggles aaall over again and the topic of setting boundaries PROPERLY never came up? 😂 😂 Thank you so much Heidi 🙌🏽

[@justinbordner6528]

As I've matured I have found great joy in establishing boundries. First, the delight in identifying the principles that support my boundries, secondly, the satisfaction of honoring them by shuning and or completely canceling someone from my life, which I do not do impulsively, and I always remain polite, even helpful after the executive decision has been made to minimalize that person in my life. We must remember and appreciate the fact that our Boundries are made manifest by our morals, which includes self esteem. And of course, we do not want to rashly, or brashly excommunicate crude people in our lives. I often provide people with several opportunities to demonstrate their true disposition, character, values, level of etiquette etcetera before they are cancelled from my life. I can tolerate alot, I possess fortitude and am happy to be patient and resilient with other's brutishness, however, I figure, if I have to tell you you're a rude moron, and possibly have to debate with you the obvious distinctions between virtue and terpitude then your not worth my time, spirit and love. I don't like wasting energy on brutish ingrates, life is too short for that. Now, if there's a girl that I must love I will most certainly engage with open, honest and patient dialogue so to bring our love's potential to bloom.

[@justinbordner6528]

Your needs are my needs Heidi...

[@angieatvl2805]

This is one of the most helpful videos I have ever watched. Thank you for laying this all out there in such a way that is easily digestible and understood.

[@NetflixTopVideos]

Just had this talk with my man this morning! Thank you so much Heidi, I have got so much from you. 😊

[@stephaniehallmark8255]

This is soooo helpful, thank you. I really love how compassionate you are, and how these descriptions are so clear and simple and also detailed. It's light having the lights turned on and suddenly being able to see clearly

[@linettelow]

Thank you, Heidi, these strategies are applicable both in our personal lives and at work. It takes a lot of practice and self-reflection to get right. This video helps us not feel discouraged. To continue being present & thoughtfully engaged. “ Staying within your boundaries & authenticity can also mean being flexible and vulnerable. “ I’m going to do the best I can to keep this in mind. Because our lives are enriched when we care enough to meet each other halfway.

[@Aline7]

This year on my journey I'm learning so much about my unmasked authentic self and it's almost funny considering authenticity has always been the most important thing for me; both in myself and in others. Now I'm finally learning how to actually connect with myself and others, without falling back into the 4F responses. And learning/practicing boundaries are a huge part of that! As per usual, great content, that will probably hit the nerve of many. Thank you

[@LauraHernandezUCL]

Every time I see Heidi upload I legit get so excited

[@BabuReyes]

Hi Heidi. I absolutely love your videos. You are helping me overcoming my traumas and other psychological and emotional issues in life. I just came from a very traumatic break-up. He was my first boyfriend. Honestly, it's been a year since that break up and people are expecting me to have a boyfriend now. I get tried explaining or saying not now because I am still on my healing stage and some are pushing me to date while what I want is to make my self better and be this secured attached person before I date again. I have a career problems because I quitted from my previous job who gave me a traumatic experience also. I was overload, overworking and my salary is below minimum. My history is that I came from a broken family and I grew up living along at the age of 12 so I have a lot of traumatic experiences in life. I want to stop the self pity, feeling shame and all sorts of negative emotions and perceptions and I want to love my life. I have been isolating from people to the extent that I don't want to see them at all and I prefered to lock myself in my room. This is not healthy I know and I want to get out from this. The problem is if I see people, I am sweating and palpitating. Can I request you to make a video how to deal with people who keeps pestering me about my career and love life? What are the better response if ever I will encounter these kind of people.

[@mahmoudassran6503]

Tell them to mind their own business, and take your sweet ass time to heal, you’re too worried about people outside of you, you can’t control others but you can control yourself, read about cognitive distortions and CBT, Try to workout and keep yourself busy, first romantic love is very special and you feel like you will never be able to move on but time flies and you will forget. Love yourself and take yourself on dates by yourself! Because if you can’t love yourself don’t ask ppl to do! Wish you all the best and one last thing! Love will always come again! Stay strong 💛

[@angelamossucco2190]

Yes!!!! Boundaries are internal. Expression of them is what’s a choice or not. Adherence to them is what’s a choice or not. Respect for them is what’s a choice or not.

[@kimlaura8663]

Heidi I love your channel. It is helping me get back into my rational brain. Going through a break up and hurting bad.

[@muse9578]

I really appreciate the way you explain things - it all makes so much sense! ❤

[@nors222]

I think I have watched every single one of your videos and loved them all, but this might be the single most helpful one for me. I never truly understood the “mechanics” of boundaries, but for you to say that they are the limits of our authenticity just… 🤯🤯🤯 Thank you so much for your insight as as bad as I want to gatekeep you, I WILL be sending this to anyone and everyone I come across who might need it

[@jamesmurphy8424]

I just want to thank you so much. I’ve recently stumbled upon your videos and I can’t seem to watch enough of them. I had been suffering in a friendship thinking I was going crazy. You’ve opened up a whole world for me to help me understand so much of what I wasn’t understand and your explanations have been so helpful. It has completely turned around my thinking. I see the amount of work ahead of me, but it feels a whole lot more manageable. 🙏🏽🧡

[@Coachchioma]

Heidiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii This was excellent! Thank you. Definitely showed me areas where I was very caring of my inner child and areas where my inner child took over.

[@wendyparise2925]

You are so well spoken and give such safe advice, thank you.

[@waitingpatiently]

YOU ARE MY MENTOR! Holy moly 🤩 you give such great tips

[@dorinnefacey6436]

Hi Heidi I've been watching several of your videos for sometime now and just wanted to say THANK YOU. You have a really great way of simplifying and articulating our human relationships which has been extremely helpful to me as a reminder it's all very normal and typical to our different thought processes. This talk has been particularly helpful as a trainee coach myself, as i was coached only yesterday (thanks Josephine) about my lack of boundaries due to my people pleasing tendencies and not being my authentic self and experiencing resentment in relationships for not speaking up. So.... all that to say, I totally related to absolutely everything you said in this video. Thank you, now i feel better equipt on how to express my needs in a cleaner, clearer way and looking after my little inner child, she needs it 🤗... Great presentations thanks again Heidi, keep up the excellent contents. Realising im a bit of a late bloomer 🤷🏾‍♀️ Best wishes

[@KillerCat03]

I love this channel so much. My Pete Walker and John Bradshaw books just came in the mail! No other youtuber could motivate me to read

[@suque1164]

I really appreciate this video. Great advice. I'm dealing with anxiety disorder from one trauma after another. But I am finally doing the work to heal my Inner child, and feeling great about my progress. Now my daughter is trying to gaslight me because I said I don't feel comfortable with her boyfriend staying in my apartment. I original said yes to help her, but I had a change of mind because he creeps me out and I feel like once I let them in, it will be difficult to get them to go because he has different ideas about what life is all about, and I want no part of it. When I told her how I feel, she criticized me instead of trying to understand how I'm feeling and how it's affecting me. This video gives me the courage to be true to my inner child, who I am really determined to heal because she so deserves to be treated with the utmost love and care after everything she has been through for so long, I must choose her first. Thanks for the great advice❤

[@_bluephoenix_]

This video and the one where you specify the difference between boundaries and expectations - has really flipped my brain in a good way! I'm now looking at how a few of my "boundaries" were actually expectations and have readjusted my outlook on my boundaries too. Thank you!

[@MRW453]

Thanks! So grateful for your work and all that you share.

[@lillieblanchard4766]

i’ve had an on and off relationship with my mom the past 4 or so years, i’m almost 18. trying to form a relationship with my mom is like watering a dead plant. Those times when she’s nurturing and loving i will always have to take with a grain of salt because it doesn’t last 24 hours before her priorities become socializing with friends and i’m being ignored. My brothers live with my grandparents because she’s not present enough to care for the emotional needs of theirs or mine. Learning how to be authentic around my mom is really hard because i haven’t yet figured out how to create those boundaries with her and how to tell her thank you so much for your video it helped me understand i have an inner child to look out for

[@sallyjrwjrw6766]

It's so hard when parents don't provide the emotional support necessary for healthy development. Congratulations on learning about this stuff now.

[@chancegoldstein]

You are ABSOLUTELY brilliant! Your presentations on boundaries are the best out there. Thank you for this great work!

[@katymello3547]

Gosh Heidi, you are just such a national treasure. Your content is so so helpful as an aid on my healing journey. Thank you so much for everything you do. ❤

[@benf1111]

Just wanted to say you're really good at this. Thank you.

[@professlch6347]

FINALLY: a definition that is clear and useful. Fabulous.

[@brittanymarciniak5078]

Heidi, your presentations are so so good! I have only recently come into awareness of how much I've neglected my inner child. I kept her hidden away, and in essence, treated her in the same way that made me sad when I was that child. It was uncomfortable for me to start talking to her and so I had to bridge this relationship by thinking of my real time children who I have always and easily advocated for. I had to ask myself, how can I so deeply love my children and neglect the little one inside of me? I started a conversation with little me by writing out dialogue so that little me knew an adult was there to protect her. I feel a lot of shame for being a neglectful parent to little me but the best I can do is apologize and show up for her now. Thank you for sharing your experiences, ideas, and knowledge. Your presence is invaluable 😊.

[@whale2269]

❤❤❤❤❤this 🥺👏🙌🫂

[@brittanymarciniak5078]

@whale2269 Awwe thanks 😊. I'm actually the healthiest I've ever been. Life is good 👍. I hope you are doing well!

[@whale2269]

@@brittanymarciniak5078 that is absolutely amazing 👏❤🥺😤 I'm so proud of you. Thankyou aswell, I've had my rough patches aswell but I'm getting through it and doing well, pushing through and forward having lots and lots of self compassion on the journey ❤ have a great day and thankyou for what you said ❤❤

[@brittanymarciniak5078]

@whale2269 I'm proud of you as well! My therapist always reminds me how important it is to give myself grace. And I do still struggle. However, I would rather struggle than push everything down. I've know a lot of people who do that but then view people who admit they are struggling as a weakness. I think it's a strength, and you are strong for your empathy and kindness. You deserve grace ❤️ ♥️ ♥️

[@whale2269]

@@brittanymarciniak5078 I appreciate you, and thankyou so much ❤❤❤❤, but you're so right aswell, it is so important to give yourself grace. I'm proud of you for continuing to do so for yourself despite how you feel like you struggle to sometimes, you're so strong for that too. It's never a weakness to admit that you're struggling, it is definitely a strength like you said, I've known people who thought the same about it but it is definitely strong to let empathy and kindness flourish 🥺❤for yourself and for others.

[@danette26]

This year I discovered I'm a doormat and a narcissist magnet. I had 0 boundaries and lost myself, I never stood up for myself. I'm 24 but I hope it's not too late to become a stronger version of myself. I really hope I make it

[@Ultramowing]

im nearly 30 and right there with you. you will be just fine if youre here already. also check out dr. les carter.

[@rarebirdjones]

Flawless presentation. Keep it up. And I like the format. You could use a slightly warmer vocal recording but I think the fact that there are no distractions is great. No pictures on the wall , noises or cats jumping on your lap, etc. if I lived in NYC I would ask you out for a coffee I think. If you’re ever in Spokane Washington…

[@brideofallunquietthings888]

Thank you so much for your clarity and simplicity.

[@sherececocco]

I heard the fence analogy the other day and I thought could it be that simple ? Thank you for your energy.

[@ericadoingyoga]

Heidi your KZbin channel has changed my life. THANK YOU

[@Anythingforfreedom]

I stayed up till 4 a.m. last night watching videos on this subject. Awesome coincidence.

[@Alignmented1]

This is pretty advanced stuff...and it would entail so much willingness and effort and words!.. Hmm... I was chatting with someone for about 10 days and asked them in a text, sort of casually, what their story was. They went silent for 5 days and instead of a reply or explaining the silence, they put a short, pathetic flattering sentence about how I seemed to convey "genuine poetry, exquisite finesse and magnificence with distinction". 😮 "What is this now? Love bombing me after 5 days of silence and systematically dodging my questions??" I thought. My inner alarm went off (who speaks like that??) that they could be a grandiose narcissist and the next day I blocked them without a word. Not very nice, I know but I wasn't getting good vibes about them and a narcissist is the last thing I want in my life. What would have been a better yet simple, approach while still honoring myself?

[@biancamo10]

Thanks for the insight as always!! Wonderful advice!

[@clementcomposer]

Your explanations are so valuable, so caring, and so clear. Very grateful I've found your work, at exactly the right time!

[@belleweather]

Excellent Heidi. Your presentations are so information rich, relatable, and positive. Boundaries are new to me and the concept after THIS video is clear. Fantastic! Thank you.

[@CoHzus]

Perfectly timed video, I have been working on learning and improving my understanding on boundaries, thank you s much friend

[@CoHzus]

anddddddd we are back after trying and failing but still trying!!!!!

[@haihai5293]

Already love the title alone, not to mention what is inside the video :D That will check soon!

[@ladytemjad]

Heidi!!! You are a necessary part of my growth!!! Thank you for your wonderful videos ❤

[@bronsonmcdonald5473]

I like how you talk about being open about the possibilities regarding what may be going on with a friend who is cancelling plans, while still being intent on protecting your boundaries.

[@kellymartin2413]

I've never heard boundaries described with the perspective from parent to child . It makes much more sense to me when put this way. Thank you

[@BobF510]

This is superlative material. A book I read with similar insights turned my life around. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

[@ElizaBailey-b6k]

This is unbelievably helpful! Thank you!!!

[@monamebroiedunoir]

What happened to the vidéo about codependency? I would like to watch it again, it was so interesting!

[@skabarella]

thank you so much for this insightful piece about boundaries, the 101 edition with clarity and compassion. A few lightbulbs went up in my head and I am exploring this perspective further, as being brought up without all that has led me to having had distorted views and behaviours around my boundaries. I really like the perspective of saving and guarding the inner child, because it shifts the focus to the point, where you are not depending on other people to behave in a certain way, but it is a question of self actualizing. ( selfreliance will always be attrative for an avoidant attacher like me ^.^)

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

This is such a good one, I'm back listening to it for the fourth time. My mother was never going to have a real relationship with me, I was always going to be a hollagram to her, 😞and that is *outside the limit of my authenticity* although, I grew up not knowing what authenticity was. Back then I didn't know or care that we are playing parts. I railed against her unwillingness to collaborate for 3 years but she doubled down on the stonewalling and giving me the silent treatment for 3 years, the victim of me, how dare I try to raise an issue . I can't play this part she wrote for me, carrying the can for all of the things she cannot see in herself. eg, it's not that she's averse to resolving conflict, oh no, it's that her daughter is disrespectful, aggressive, entitled, detached from reality, holding on to a grudge........ I'm not thrilled that it has taken me 3 years to realise that it's pointless to try and that she doesn't deserve more than the small talk she wants. I'm just a screen to her. Accepting this would have kept my inner child safer, but I had to go on this joyride to figure it out. My functional adult will keep my inner child safe now.

[@karenyendall7511]

Thank you so much, I find your videos deeply insightful and very helpful ❤

[@woonko3300]

super helpful video as always!!! very clear, kind, effective way to navigate relationships just what I needed reminding, thank you so much Heidi you are amazing!

[@lustertone8587]

I swear you are reading my mind in areas I need help with understanding better and providing the information on how to get there. As always... thank you so much for the immense wisdom and insights that you share with us all!

[@CreatedSpacespodcast]

You explained boundaries perfectly!!🤞🏽👏🏽❤️ thank you! I love your videos… thank you for your authenticity and clarity on what healthy love for self looks like. So glad I was lead to your videos.🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️❤️🥰🥰

[@AdrianColley]

I love the clarity and simplicity of this advice.

[@neant2046]

Thank you for one more super helpful video! I find particularly valuable the practical examples that you provide to make the theory more comprehensible - they help greatly to find the right words for communicating boundaries clearly and precisely, which in many cases is an even harder thing to do than figuring out where they lie.

[@beti969]

It is sooooo good!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ The work is huge sometimes, but worth it!

[@pavschodyko6531]

Beautiful, this saved my sanity ❤

[@jamie01an]

Truly excellent! Thank you 🙏

[@GenoBurch]

You're so amazing. Thank you for being you and all that you do.

[@maxime4286]

Hi Heidi, I've been on a journey exploring childhood trauma, attachment difficulties and the road toward healing and developing a more secure attachment style for the past couple of years. Your videos have been a huge source of inspiration and support. Thanks a lot for that :)! With regards to boundaries I can't get rid of the feeling that as they're becoming more of a hot topic, increasingly, they are being misused as an excuse to not have to put in the work. I would absolutely love to see a video sometime about the boundaries of boundaries. Up to what point are we mindfully protecting our inner child - from what point onwards are we sabotaging ourselves from healing the trauma or past experiences that put the (sometimes very rigid) boundaries there to start with? Example: at the beginning of the relationship, partner one refuses to touch partner two in their most intimate area - like at all. Partner two can cope at first, but feels rejected and hopes that partner one will work on this together with them as the bond and the relationship deepens. With time though, partner one seems to point out that this boundary is not negotiable. Partner two tries to point out again that this is something they would like to work through together, on partner one's terms. Partner one keeps repeating though that this is something they pointed out from the beginning and they don't understand why partner two is "pushing" them towards transgressing a clearly set boundary. Partner one adds (also from the beginning) that partner two can go get that touch with someone else instead. There's something about this way of setting boundaries that doesn't feel right, doesn't feel fair to me. To me, this feels like someone is ridding him or herself of the responsibility - even projecting it to their partner by means of blaming for trying to push or negotiate boundaries - to at least tackle the root cause of what put the boundaries where they are in the first place. But maybe my feeling is wrong. PS: as a European viewer watching a channel on psychology, attachment and relationships, I couldn't help but laugh very loudly when you said "I love you guys". My mind just screamed: "Oh my god she's so American 😂". But it did get me wondering and it struck me that I actually don't understand what is meant with this expression. Who exactly is loved? And why? And what is meant with the verb 'to love' in this context? I get that the expression carries a meaning closer to "I'm grateful for your support" but as a linguist, it just did get me to wonder why in the US, this is expressed this way :).

[@n.j.stosss]

Heidi your videos are incredible and beautifully articulated when you explain these topics. You can feel the passion you have in your videos. I think your content would be awesome as a podcast, I would listen everyone morning on my commute!

[@angielorenacv]

Girl, this video is perfect, so clear, well explained and direct. Thank you so much!

[@L6FT]

A compromise is healthy, we don't feel resentful. Well put. So obvious, that it eludes. I need to do more inner work to find my authentic boundaries, and nurture the disappointed child within.

[@pugninja7037]

I am an entp, and God this really was so helpful as i use fe rather highly, and honestly, I can be resentful yet instead of talking, I cut people off.. It is actually hard to talk this way of authentically, yet I resent them over stepping my lines, yet I don't think about the questions you said. I think always on others boundaries but not my own.. I think I realised I'm doing it wrong.. yet I'm boundary based on my thoughts. Much appreciated .

[@mulukensand5370]

Wow this is so helpful tips on boundaries, thank you! May God bless you Heidi!✝️❤️🥰

[@ryanslings6234]

Ok so the thing I notice again and again when people are discussing boundaries is that they're actually setting their own expectations for behavior/performance of whoever they're dealing with, and not setting boundaries. Expectations are in regard to what someone else does. Boundaries are for what you will do. "You have to talk to me in a nice tone." That's an expectation. "If you talk to me in a mean tone of voice, I'll walk away and create distance." That's a boundary. This is so important to understand the difference between your boundaries and expectations. Enforcement of boundaries becomes much more obvious when we understand what the difference is between the two.

[@sallyjrwjrw6766]

Yes, this is an important distinction for sure. What a great comment!

[@shelleyf7676]

You explain complex realities with such clarity. The commenter below @masterpanda says it so well, too. You break the theoretical down into understandable, relatable, beautifully connected sentences of deep meaning. I hang on to every word as each video helps me understand myself at a new level of reality. The knowledge and understanding is so empowering. Thank you for such quality content!

[@chloechaupsy]

I'm so happy finding out your channel, Heidi ❤️ Thanks for your amazing work that's also inspiring me a lot as a psychology student 😊

[@carlataylor9924]

This made a connection, it sticks!

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤2:11 I love your definition of Personal Boundaries. The limits of our own Authenticity 👍🏼❤ LOVE THIS ▶️2:47

[@AbsAnon]

All incredibly useful, Heidi. I'm a new follower to your channel, but you have a remarkably clear way of articulating the nuances of attachment, particularly that of the fearful-avoidant (recovering one here.) I am learning to listen to my body more and more, and I can unequivocally say that very real bodily reactions are felt when a boundary has been broached. I might not always immediately know why my body feels like that, but it's taking me less time than it used to to realise what just happened. However, there's a complication in that, and that is the idea of the body also holding trauma, and being triggered by moments in the present that whilst bodily feel a lot like the past, are by no means the past, and therefore are by no means the trauma. If I am to listen to that bodily reaction as a sign that my boundary has been broached, then I fear I could be putting up countless walls because my trauma triggers can sometimes feel a lot like my broached boundary triggers. It's my understanding, however, that trauma triggers are ones to heal from, whereas boundary triggers are ones to speak from. And therein lies the confusion for me. Does that make sense? (I could reframe that if necessary)

[@mattaylor5817]

This video feels like it combines almost all your previous videos into one practical and tangible conclusion. Metaphors are good but this is much more tangible .

[@ln3599]

Your videos make my life better, thank you for sharing your knowledge!

[@thenameisjoii7832]

every video, every time: so eye opening. so important

[@kookyandstrange]

Suggestion: it would be great if the audio of your content was available on spotify, etc! Would love to listen on the go