Boundaries That Stop Narcissists

[@TheRoyalWe]

Start New Life Coaching: theroyalwe.kartra.com/page/AxD19

[@tofferarvid6589]

I was just about to ask your opinion on sumn and as I wrote you began to answer lol 😅👌

[@elbertwhitehead1529]

I appreciate your video. It takes a special insight and understanding of something in order to explain it with simplicity. You nailed it. I feel that anyone having a challenge with the situation can walk away with tools from your video that will start them on a productive journey to overcoming abuse. Please continue the good work.

[@dianematlock7922]

Why did God make them. Lovebombing, worship above commen sense, DON'T worship me and they make your life a living hell, Just like the bible says...he made good and evil, why am I responsible for what he does??? If I make a mess I clean it up... God makes a mess and and blames me, you did not praise me, thank me, love me,talk good of me to others, OR IMMA SEND YOU TO HELL... JUST LIKE A NARC...THEY TRULY BELIEVE YOU WERE PUT ON EARTH TO SERVE THEM...AND WHEN YOU DON'T...LOOK OUT...LOVE YOUR NEIGHBORS REGARDLESS WHAT THEY DO TO YOU, TURN THE OTHER CHEEK JUST STAND THERE AND LET HIM ABUSE YOU MORE. BE LIKE A LIL' CHILD TRUST AND HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO TO YOU...GOD, MY WAY OR HELL...I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU:STALKING YEAH HE MAY NOT LEAVE YOU, BUT HE WON'T STOP THEM, SO WHY PRAY, IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO WHEN YOU PRAY, YOU BECOME THE PREY OF AN ANGRY GOD, DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON HIM, OR A NARCWILL USE YOU LIKE TOILET PAPER...SO YEAH...WHOSE THE CREATOR OF NARCISSIM??? DO YOU REALLY NEED TO ASK???

[@tofferarvid6589]

@@dianematlock7922 this would be true if we look through the filter ppl gave you but God is Love yes but tough love is love too... A good parent disciplines from a place of love... And all thing happen for a reason even if the only reason is to move you from a place I find that if you have crazy allergies somewhere then maybe it's mother nature telling us to go somewhere else where we can breath... And sometimes disasters happen to take things away we didn't want to give up but God was making room for you because he knew you wouldn't have done it any other way... When your plate is too full already everything you try to add on top just ends up rolling off on to the ground to be killed oh uh thrown in the garbage 👍 blame game is a funny thing it's never all them and we find out when we find new ppl and alone time to reflect and be honest with ourselves... Reveal to heal... Claim it to tame it... Can't claim when you blame... If you blame it's not yours and you can't fix what's not yours which is why I couldn't fix her she wasn't just there for the ecstasy she also wanted her ex to see... Just a puppet on her string, a bird on her shoulder all I do is sing... Till the angel came in the window and turned me into a real boy and I cut my strings and became a real boy but as soon as I did they swooped me up sent me to an island gave me bad water and made me look like a jack ass..🤯🗝️🌻

[@dianematlock7922]

@@tofferarvid6589 touched a nerve, compliance wit a bipolar, multiple personalities, didn't god describe the 7 deadly sins,? I am not allowed to consider narcs a a walking being enraptured by every sin in the book? Did I create them, am I my enemy's keeper? No, did I belive the bible ? Not anymore after dealing with an apt building FULL OF NARCS I'VE LEARNED THAT GOD DOES NOT CARE , NOR WILL HE HELP, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I PRAY, SINCE YOU CANT HELP ME EITHER, YOU CANT STOP THEM...WHY DID YOU RESPOND TALK IS CHEAPBUT THE PASTOR WANTS MONEY, RESPECT, ATTENTION ADORATION, REVERENCE EVEN WHEN HE LIES,MILESTING CHILDREN,MARRIED TO A WOMAN, SLEEPING WITH MEN,ON THE DOWN LOW, DENYING PEOPLE REAL HELP, CAUSE YOU AINT TITHING ENOUGH KEEP PAYING FOR A BUILDING FUNDFOR 30 YEARS,NO LAND BOUGHT, NO PLAN-DEMIC FOR A BUILDING...BUT PASTOR GOT A MANSION,A ROLLS ROYCE,A TESALA,AND A A NEW SUIT EVERY WEEK...GO TO HIM FOR HELP AND HE TELLS YOU YOU AIN'T THITHED ENOUGH, YOU AIN'T WORTH A BUS PASS...THEY DON'T CARE...IT'S A SHOWBOATING NARC BEHIND THE PULPIT...YOU ARE NOT WITH MY TRUTH CAUSE IT AIN'T YOURS...TALK TALK TALK, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.TO HELL WITH DO AS I SAY, BUT DONT DO WHAT I DO CRAP...JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO...WILL YOU STOP THEM ? NAW, IF PRAYER AINT HELPING IT'S TIME TO STOP. I AM NOT WILLING TO LIVE THE LIES THEY TELL ME ANY MORE.

[@awakened9906]

The people who becomes upset about your boundaries were people who profited from your lack of.

[@TheRoyalWe]

Yes this is the truth

[@H1ana2digital]

Amen! absolutely true!

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Wow - that is too on point

[@MJ-qb5ph]

The only boundary that works with these freaks shows is no contact - I refer to ‘family’ and ‘friends’

[@tititigabu8200]

so true 🙌

[@garyshields2734]

Never argue with anyone who believes in their own lies.

[@TheRoyalWe]

True

[@helenswift24]

Very true

[@tamaraa.8591]

This can be so frustrating. You know they're lying, but you have to keep silent and let God deal with them. It's a dangerous trap to get caught in their web of lies and deceit. You'll be better off keeping your distance, which will give you peace.

[@janetmitchell3559]

@@tamaraa.8591 they are telling themselves. Untruths. Also.

[@tamaraa.8591]

@@janetmitchell3559 exactly.

[@izawaniek2568]

Staying away from abusive narcisistic people is setting a boundary. You do not have to say a word to show your boundaries. Thank you Kevin.

[@NoMoreMrNiceGuy2003]

Right! Why give them the satisfaction of the fight they're obviously hoping that to draw you into?

[@glorianieves3433]

How about kids narcissistic?😢😢😢

[@glorianieves3433]

Grandma can see the grandkids 😢😢😢

[@naysaynetwork5271]

Yeah but if its a spouse, kid or relative thats not possible.

[@CS-zn4bu]

But how to do it if one is dependent of them, financially and emotionally? How to make distance to them?

[@staciehulm4595]

I just disappeared from my circle of childhood friends almost 2 years ago. I didn't say anything. I just went no contact. I was stalked for about 6 months by one of them, but this just confirmed that I was correct in my assessment of her. It was a difficult decision to make at first, but it was a really good decision. Just because someone was part of your past doesn't mean they should be part of your future.

[@katalynbabe]

Same

[@briangarcia5766]

Nice congrats

[@sweetrose813]

That's exactly right! And the one I'm dealing with right now doesn't seem to know how to take no for an answer! What she doesn't realize is if she keeps pushing me like that she's just causing me to withdraw! Her manipulation tactics don't work or her projection of trying to make me feel guilty because I don't want to cater to her whims! She refuses to understand my needs to back away, and I don't like the way she tries to impose a more committed relationship on to me I'm not that interested!

[@SuperChangetheworld]

My covert narc school friend was the worst, I don’t think a lot of the time it’s good to have friends that are childhood friends or college friends because a lot don’t like to see you grow, they want to hold onto an outdated version of you that doesn’t exist anymore

[@Rob9mm]

@@SuperChangetheworld Exactly.

[@TruthBeTold4ever-j1n]

Narcissists are INCREASING! Omg 😱 😤 It’s almost unavoidable now.

[@nmHispana]

Absolutely and personally I've been finding that there's an infestation of these abusive and malevolent parasites within non profit organizations, health insurance (care coordination), caregiver services, PCP's and hospitals.

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

Went to an eye doctor. The entire experience was a nightmare. He behaved so narcissist. I could feel it...and then his words and twisting facts, even when receipts from his office , means he was contradicting himself. Ugh...feels creepy to see them be so dishonest.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Yes they are everywhere

[@richardfrank4647]

It’s Isaiah 60 it’s happening the Bible is manifesting so many of the prophecy are happening it says darkness shall cover the earth and gross darkness the people but the lord shall arise upon thee🌈🌈God bless you 🌈🌈

[@deniseelsworth7816]

@@nmHispana 💯

[@Steve197201]

Excellent advice. I once heard it said that when you get down in the mud with a pig, you both get dirty, and the pig loves it, but you end up getting filthy. These narcissists want you to engage with them. Don't give them the satisfaction. If you really want to piss off a narcissist, just civily walk away. By doing that, you won't allow them to get what they want.

[@barbaradecker4358]

Amen!

[@jacquelinefroehle3583]

Bible: Don't throw your pearls to the pigs

[@WellnesspodcastTV]

@@jacquelinefroehle3583 Amen!

[@tititigabu8200]

YUP moving away and being stoic like a poker player gets them. Ignoring them and not providing any emotional supports hurts them more because they cannot exist without lies without emotionally blackmailing.🥰 And after all the grooming they did, losing their scapegoat and ditching does most damage. They have to live with the terrible things they've done...even their mind is turning on them.

[@Chris-dw7gq]

I did walked away for years. I heard the rage while in my bedroom.

[@mleecthulhu]

Like i always say... "if you're offended by my boundaries; you're probably the reason I need them!"😐

[@CS-zn4bu]

Good! :) But narcs just react with silent treatment to that. It's annoying!

[@janiced.hatcher1272]

1,000 thumbs up

[@shirleystein6521]

Sometimes in life you can have friends for years, then over the years you come to realize that they aren't such nice people.

[@HollyAMcCormick]

Truth

[@jjwashere-qo7ow]

You no longer attend family functions where you're disrespected; took me decades to walk away but how awesome it is to finally say "no more!"

[@GuyVinmara]

I hate to be crude...but it has to be said. Setting boundaries with a narc is essentially equivalent to training a bad dog. You program them by letting them see what behaviors will be rewarded(with your presence), and what behaviors will go unrewarded(your walking away). It's really that primal. You have to approach them like dangerous animals because that's how they are behaving. They are basically broken dogs, mistreated by former "owners", and you get to deal with the end result.

[@donnas2375]

Good analogy!

[@regaininglife9084]

They view others purely on a transactional level. They are used to manipulating people, and if they are benefitting or being rewarded, they continue the behavior. Their parents are largely to blame for it. Teaching them corrective behavior through harshness doesn't always work. It will help you, but more often, they look for a new victim.

[@mjtheway4ward]

Absolutely true. Also, they don't want you to have boundaries with other people either because that would mean you have boundaries. 😅

[@shereeholland172]

The arguing and conflict is to maintain them in the dominant position, whereby they are labelling, putting you down, accusatory, denying, lying, projecting, deflecting, gaslighting, smearing, bringing in supposed others which they say think the same thing as them, poor responsibility/accountability, shifting goal posts ... the list is endless and all to wear you down into compliance and obedience. An exhausting process which will deplete both your mental and physical energy, and psychological well being and self care practices.....

[@TheRoyalWe]

You are absolutely right

[@sayless1445]

Well said

[@orangetulip1261]

Yes, Sheree, yes You've got it down put. Absolutely everything you mentioned, including telling you that your own friends agree with them, lol! I'm so happy, finally, away from that. Never again. I know now, what it looks like...

[@patriciacole8773]

Very well said

[@kimmccaleb4170]

And they don't even notice that the endcresult what you said so well...is the people they do this to don't want to be around them

[@ES-7766]

Ghost the narcissist. It works and it’s an amazing weight lifted off of your mind.

[@annieportier3584]

TRUE!!

[@susieq5159]

Having a “Toddler narcissist fit” hits the nail on the head since narcissists haven’t evolved from this stage in childhood, they are emotionally STUCK!

[@sylviacaldwell2139]

It's actually embarrassing to be out in public or anywhere with these adult children especially when you are emotionally mature and understand social norms!!!

[@CS-zn4bu]

@@sylviacaldwell2139 Exactly. My brother acts narc even on family parties , but all others don't get it, because the narc is "dog whistling". Very mean. I avoid my brother like crazy from now on, going low contact, it is much better now! :)

[@RubyZanUK]

Every time I set a boundary, they do exactly the opposite. It's a test to see what type of person you are. I stand firm then they disappear. Which is great! You don't need a circus of fools in your life. Very few good people are more than enough. As few as one or two. Zero is also a number.

[@whereswendy8544]

When people become angry and hostile when you assert your boundaries, that's the point where their respect for you ends.

[@blgallas]

Respectfully, they may not like you but now they respect you.

[@maya_unplugged]

No, that’s is not where their respect “ended”. That’s only the point where their “never has been resoectfull” becomes visible.

[@normatobin962]

​@@blgallasI agree!

[@b.k.701]

I agree with both people above. They never respected you in the first place; the reaction to your boundaries just makes that evident. But if you hold to them and refuse to bend to their wishes, that's where their respect for you begins. Not that it actually matters what toxic people who aren't worth respecting think of you.

[@Charm-nb1ky]

“ Boundaries are not something you have to say.it will be known “.💯

[@TheRoyalWe]

Yes

[@maggied.7596]

Spot on, my boundaries never worked until I understood boundaries are about me and for me. Walking away and going totally no contact are the best.

[@FaithFashionFinances]

That’s one reason I don’t want to date… dating sites and apps breed narcissistic people.

[@TheRoyalWe]

Yes they do

[@Strawberry.leeraymartinez5829]

Facts I don't even have Facebook on my phone anymore

[@PaulHanson-zo5qj]

Narcs love and I mean love Fake book

[@brandirobinson8430]

Do things you love to do. You'll meet someone.

[@jewishgenes]

Women and men breed narcissists 😂

[@Ginnyb6402]

I'm realizing every narcissist in my life has a lesson to teach me about myself

[@limojr]

Interesting way of looking at it. Anyone who isn't a narc is usually given a label - weird, shady, old, boring, ugly

[@kennhirsch]

True that...

[@angeline6074]

That makes sense both ways. 1. They're always pointing out what's wrong with you. (Might be gaslighting) 2. You can use that to self-evaluate. If it's true, fix it, if it's not tell yourself that and brush it off. Tell them "thank you" . When I've done that, the narc was totally caught off guard and it defused the fit!

[@Sam-mn4ed]

I broke off a very toxic relationship just before my daughter was born. That man was pure evil and would beat me even when pregnant. Life is much better but then I realised how badly my parents spoke to me, constant criticism, belittling etc. I had done some work to help me get out the awful relationship I was in and once I moved back to my hometown the family were wonderful to start. The cracks appeared after a few months and I decided to set boundaries with them too. I don’t think our family relationship is repairable. My dad said the reason our family dog bit me (so close to my jugular, the scar is still there) was because it was my fault. I was 3. Negligence and alcohol abuse was rife growing up. I have a family of my own and feel a huge urge to safe guard them. It’s tough. I also want a normal family and grandparents for my children but at what cost and is that normal? Cutting my losses but it really does suck.

[@cindylong624]

You must protect your children and yourself no matter what

[@debbiehepler2007]

I love it! Setting boundaries is staying away. Perfect!

[@TheRoyalWe]

Yes

[@christinerogers7127]

Makes perfect sense. The “ I will “ and “ I will not” are things I can control, like the serenity prayer.❤

[@BeautifulDreamerK]

Narcissistic coworker messages me saying, “I’ve noticed our interactions have changed and would like to talk”. Translation: I’m pissed off you don’t feed me attention, I have no supply to steal your identity from and I can’t insert my power over you and control you. The attention supply for me to manipulate you by buying you lunch is gone. I don’t owe anyone anything. I can almost ignore it but I gotta respond and put up a boundary so I’m here

[@NoMoreMrNiceGuy2003]

Instant no-contact without a warning is my permanent boundary nowadays. No one has time to be telling an adult how to behave. (AKA them trying to tell you how to behave when they should be minding their own business)

[@gingerisevil02]

I haven't been able to have these healthy types of boundaries, since I didn't get my autonomy till 28 due to economic abuse and disability status. Now I have a job, and autonomy, so I am just now learning boundaries at 30... I really needed this. Appreciate your video. Thanks for this.

[@privateprivate8366]

Yes, while it is most often said that enmeshment is emotional and psychological, IMHO, once you get some $$$ in your pocket, you’d be surprised at how strong and individuated you can feel.

[@gingerisevil02]

@@privateprivate8366 Money is empowering! Half the time, I lived with abusers because it was that or being homeless, and having little to no boundaries, acting passive and like a doormat only due to being in poverty, was so degrading. I wouldn't have had such poor boundaries if I weren't in survival mode. Narcissists prey on the vulnerable and only care about exploiting you for money.

[@gingerisevil02]

@@privateprivate8366 EXACTLY

[@corentinc.948]

Congrats for learning boundaries. You deserve a very big PP!

[@terencehennegan1439]

I’m just learning them at 67 ! and I’m loving it.

[@marjoriegoodwin2993]

Always keep the focus on yourself, whenever you`re forced to have any confrontative conversation. For instance, `I must get more sleep`. Rather than `You kept me awake`. Or `I choose not to ride with people who are drinking`. Rather than `You are a lousy drunk and I`m not getting into your car`. This is a good tip.

[@melany.muraour]

If they disrespect your boundaries, it's time to go. Leave them in your dust. I will no longer tolerate someone who's controlling or unable to compromise. When I stand up for myself I got told I'm the one who starts the fights and am combative. 👋 bye bye I will not be silenced nor fall for triangulation bs with his ex any longer

[@vepn21]

When I set boundaries by walking out, he just followed me out, continuing to antagonizing me until I dissolved into tears, his words cutting deeper. Finally, I knew the final :walk out" had to be permanent and absolute No Contact...forever! Really sad but unavoidable! I'm happy and freee!

[@TanyaBoyle-h6o]

Good for you 😊🙏

[@maggiemay8622]

Absolutely ♥️

[@brendarewan7441]

Walking out is not a boundary. It could be avoidant

[@tysongaming7898]

Giving me headache if running

[@janiced.hatcher1272]

Yes the do follow you.

[@michaelfitze7894]

And after you rid your life of all narcicissism, you will find yourself sitting alone in a beautiful forest lynn, staring at your reflection in a pool, turning into a flower.🥀

[@jackie-k]

My mom stopped in her tracks when I called Uber and sent her ass home early from a visit. Sent her back to the airport and she doesn’t mess with me anymore. But now my siblings see her nasty side and my sister has dreams that she stands out dad. My mom is screwed up pretty bad!!

[@karenmishra922]

This is so good to hear... Boundaries are for me!!!!! 😍😍😍 I learnt it at the age of 47.....I was robbed of my childhood as well as my life as a wife.... I sometimes feel I lost so much but then again the bright side is that I now know what boundaries look like😇 and I'm pretty darned pleased! It's never too late to start again at life.... Thank you Kevin! God bless you... Hugs!!!

[@sharlesb7735]

Same here, It wasn’t until a yr out of my marriage that I learned about narcissists, I’m grateful that I didn’t know beforehand cos I would have become paranoid. I was 53, I’m still learning 💜

[@kimammons4014]

Same here...

[@mihaelae8704]

@@sharlesb7735same here.

[@michellebaca1024]

My mother said something very cruel to me and I told her I will not sit here and listen to you say this. Then she started crying and my dad said how could you do this to her why do you always have such your mother. Then I said I’m so sorry. Then I’m apologizing to her!! I have been no contact for six months. My father died I went no contact with my mother. I’ve come to find out she’s a covert narcissist. I just can’t believe that I’ve gone through all my life has a Definition, and other people have gone through the same experiences with their families!It I’m so glad I found this channel it’s been helping me out so much! And I’m 53 years old. Just as tangled up in it as when I was 10.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

My mother is a convert narcissistic ( now ex partner is an overt narcissistic) with a rage problem , and is super violent when confronted with the truth. I cut her off for years, but this time it will be for good.

[@Strawberry.leeraymartinez5829]

My mom did the same shxt

[@Strawberry.leeraymartinez5829]

I can't even talk to my dad bcz she doesn't stop talking

[@norama3998]

احسِن لوالدتك و لو برسالة في البريد في مناسباتكم و لا تهتمً لعدم الرّد عليها ..و تبقى هي والدتك .. تصرّف معها بحُسن أخلاقك و لا تُجاريها في قسوتها

[@eveelsbury8341]

@@norama3998that is the best advice I’ve heard. You don’t have to approach them about their bad behavior, they couldn’t change if they wanted to. But they are your mother. No need to “give them a piece of your mind”. Just be kind and don’t engage. They cannot be trusted with any personal info.

[@eiehe93-]

When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

[@sinceresong9907]

Phenomenal reply❤

[@colleenshea2293]

In my experience - simply put - narcissists WANT to see you fail and will contribute to that scenario at every opportunity. They live to elevate themselves and to win. Real or delusional.

[@sinceresong9907]

@@colleenshea2293 perfectly understood ( unfortunately)

[@sandralogue1774]

That's why we come out of the ordeal( refuse to call it a relationship)shell shocked in an altered state. Just like when they insult you then say "I was just Kidding". People with Black and White thinking can't kid,they don't get the nuances inferred in sarcasm.

[@Acoustic-Rabbit-Hole]

So concisely put. When it got really got deep was when the Narcissist became an IT. I always felt that my mother was really an an actual monster. Why? Because there is no goal, no plan, not motive for her actions. She doesn’t try to use me to get something for herself. She only uses me to slowly drain my life’s essence. There is no productivity, no cooperation. No one’s own blood is safe from the Vampire.

[@walkingwithheather]

Do Not Engage or if you do have no emotion. When you respond they laugh cause you took the bait. Remember, they are empty on the inside and all they have are words and these words they know how to use to trigger their target. They studied every victim, to learn and understand their weakness. They know what to say to set you off. Don't take the bait.

[@TheRoyalWe]

This is key valuable insight!

[@eurokay4755]

"I will . . ." and "I will not . . . " I can do this - thank you!!

[@maryhirsch8044]

I am always kind to people and show them respect and I expect the same. I have learned the hard way that in any conversation with anyone, if they demean or criticize me in any way, I don't argue. I just walk away and refuse to engage with them. You don't have to defend yourself to no one and if you do, it will only get worse.

[@s.b.8258]

Boundaries are for me, about me. I will not listen to that and walk away. I will go somewhere where my time is valued and appreciated. I WILL, I WILL NOT. This TAKES AWAY THE POWER FROM THEM. Yay

[@midwestslotgeeks1081]

My sister is the definition of this! Don’t ever call her on her lies all around will suffer. I am so glad I finally shut this door

[@wiilwaal3872]

I tell you what this is one of the most valuable videos that I have watched in my life.

[@user-cy9in5ry9c]

He tried for 8 months to break through my boundaries. I held the line, and he finally stopped his Hoover attempts. He still comes by once in a while, I think to just test the waters. But I can not unsee what is standing in front of me- radical acceptance

[@teresafraser3049]

The ONLY way to deal with Narc's is NOT!!! GO SILENT AND NEVER LOOK BACK! IT WORKS BEAUTIFULLY 👌😊

[@jaysilverstone7221]

Absolutely brilliant. My dad wasn't happy if he wasn't in conflict. Always betrayed, always disappointed, always right

[@karenkuske5567]

I remember when the Lord prepared me for all the separations that were going to take place. I'm free now and wouldn't change it...I will stick with the Lord as he cares for me. As far as boundaries...they were trampled and if I said no because I didn't want to do something he always got salty or would keep pressure on like he knew what I wanted more than I did😂😂 We are NOT alike.

[@richardfrank4647]

God bless you 🌈🌈

[@alvawonderfullymade]

My God will!!

[@lilyflower4962]

The one thing I learned about the narcissist is that they will never give you what you ask for/want, but only what they think you should have.

[@mohammadbuhamad7744]

The Lord ia God. Not Jesus his creation.

[@livingonhighvibe]

I had an experience with a roommate just now - we shared a house, essentially just the kitchen (and I barely cook) and the driveway. We had an agreement about the driveway and once I moved in, she flipped the tables on me. Once that happened, she was using the driveway as a tool to control me. I found a solution and parked at a friend's house with a spare spot in the neighborhood. It was my designated shit test for her to clearly reveal her cards. Needless to say, she failed the shit test. The second she found out, I am offering a solution to the parking "problem", she kicked me out. She kept a "cleaning fee"- that is due to go to small claims court as there was nothing to clean except vacuuming the carpet - nothing that warrants a triple digit "cleaning fee". If you have doubts, shit-test the narcissist - they will reveal their true self. Disregard if dealing with dangerous deranged people, but for someone you meet and explore a connection of any type, just at the very beginning, if they start giving you bs, shit-test them, see the reality and move on with peace.

[@dolittle6781]

How about saying something like, "Oops. I just remembered. I need to go reorganize my sock drawer." And then leave. I like this because it sends a message to your energy core that you are unbothered by what the narcissist was saying or doing to you. Stop caring about them! You're simply blowing the whole situation off with a smile (an inner laugh). We tend to be really serious with narcissists, and that creates stress. And they love it. Create boundaries for yourself that make you feel good, like you are having fun, while distancing yourself from them without the stress that comes from being grim. Be careful though since narcissists have no empathy for you and can be dangerous.

[@Dee-mj3pu]

Boundaries feed yourself!!

[@racheuler4782]

just yesterday he came home telling a story about him self, and he had to swear the while talking... I said " cant you talk with out swearing, it proves you havent got any intelligent vocabulary,.. I should have just got off the couch and walked off... the night before he was raging, and I hadn't spoken to him since,.. he was out all day, and acts like nothing happened last night, came sat on the couch, and chats about his day, Never once asked how my day was.. but I was suppose to be glad he was talking to me again... I was relieved I guess , because he was not raging... and I was liked again...I loved these boundaries , it taught me not to engage..

[@brendatanner1259]

The narcissists in my life don't seek out conflict on the surface. They just try to set rules and regulations for everyone else to comply with, and try to set themselves up in power positions so everyone else won't challenge them. It's when you (I) challenge them that the real conflicts begin.

[@JCat111]

what i've learned the most powerful and useful tool through all the narcissistic abuse is saying hell nooooooo! if one doesn't show appreciation and respect, why I even give him a damn???? what narcissist needs is a babysitter not just a single normal mature human being within a regular relationship...anyway whatever narcissist's business is nononononot my business anymore!🎉🎉🎉

[@2truthmatters277]

Boundaries work! I began practicing them a couple weeks ago and have been amazed at the results. She still tries pushing my buttons, but the machine is out of gas and will no longer start.

[@blueskyalldayeveryday]

One thing that many prople forget is that narcissists don’t become narcissists out of their own will. My parents both and a step parent all are displaying narcissistic behaviors and they messed up me and my sibling for life. I blame them but I also try to understand because their childhoods haven’t been easy neither. It’s a hen / egg problem… Very good video, thanks for sharing.

[@Abstractthoughts007]

Thank you for this. As a very passive sensitive personality I've always associated boundaries with arguments but this I can do. Thanks for the perspective

[@lanabrink707]

Yes in the end you won't even have to say a word. You so right.

[@bernadette573]

Two months ago I left the house and have never looked back. I had to harden my heart regarding leaving the four people I loved there, but the one who maligned me and threw chaos bombs every day, well good riddance to bad rubbish FOREVER. I don't so much as drive down the street. Interaction there could destroy me for days, emotional grenades thrown on a whim. There are moments of ruminating and self doubt, but I will NEVER return. Today the four came to visit me and we had an exuberant day. When one wanted to complain about the malignant one, I had no desire to even listen. And I didn't.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

I totally agree. We establish boundaries for us, to protect our mind, body and spirit❤ Thank you Kevin❤

[@katd1845]

OMG Kevin well said!!! You are soooo right....I had already started setting boundaries in my life before I met her. Before I met the narcissist and I was getting off to a great start and I got fooled. I let myself get fooled. I knew it was too soon. I knew I should not be letting anyone move in with me after 5 days lol and I'm really surprised. I can laugh at that at this point because I finally let her go and did no contact just a few weeks ago and it's been really hard but your videos have gotten me through it and I guess that's why I can do a little lol But everything you said is right. One of my jobs it was awful and it was bringing me down and I went through it for 2 years and I said no. This is not for me. This is bringing me down. I set my boundary. I reached out to a few friends. Got another job even better like a week later and I was happy one of my lifelong friends. She's changed. She's just bitter and depressed and mean and just bringing us all down and she's taking it. Vantage of me went too many times and I said a boundary. I totally brought the contact down and I'm so much better for it. I had done that and some other ones that you mentioned but then I met her and all my boundaries went out the window and my life went to shambles upside down. I don't even recognize my home anymore or who I am. I'm a mess. Everything's a mess literally emotionally mentally and I let that happen for not setting my boundaries and I did exactly what you said. I kept saying no, you can't speak to me that way. No, you cannot use that kind of language towards me. I'm your special person. Stop doing that and it would just enrage her more and more gas lighting and more rage and violence. Oh my gosh Kevin. I don't know what to say but thank you for putting it in my face. I'm sticking with the boundaries that I began to lay and I'm going to continue to say I will not

[@sukayna7026]

Everything you say about narcissists is so true. Setting boundries indeed is crucial here. Nothing else helps.

[@janiced.hatcher1272]

Besides waiting for them to time out

[@mustardseed123]

My mother is a narc. My dad enabled her. I am in my 30s and too many red flags and rage and digs into my confidence. I am now no contact and slowly recovering every day

[@PhoenixForce777]

That is a great example of a healthy boundary for sure. I will say though, that the raging narcissist will follow you and block you up against the wall while raging a 30- 50- 1.5 hour in your face.

[@tamikaford7439]

The worst kind of narcissists are the ones with a huge following, mainly in religious spheres. You have to up skill your game and boundaries to deal with them in such a way that both theirs and your own following does not see YOU as the narcissist. The key point is to act just as fake as they do when around the observers.

[@brandirobinson8430]

They can pick up on it.

[@strongwon1]

I always wondered how they found me at work, friends etc. BecAuse I couldn’t have boundaries as a child. Siblings were taught to walk over mine too. I always was made to be the audience and wallpaper. It’s because I’ve been making boundaries for them, from me. I need TO MAKE BOUNDARIES FOR ME!!! Wow wow wow! I will I will not.

[@TheRoyalWe]

You got it!

[@juliechurch1799]

Strong woman me to . Like your on show to be ridicule by sibling and there all in a different camp . Like inside joke .

[@sangeetharavindran87]

Wow! This comment is so profound. I can relate so well.

[@annileehosford8900]

“ My boundaries are for me” That is huge that you said that. I am always trying to get him to respect my boundaries and get so frustrated that he is constantly ignoring them and encroaching - this is putting into perspective for me. It is my job to enforce my own boundaries. Just walk away when they’re not being respected instead of working so hard to get someone to respect them.

[@fearlessfearless5781]

Wow.

[@angelgrace1454]

Continue what you are doing!!!! You’ve been helping me save my sanity!! Thank youuu

[@jodiburnett6211]

I love the mission: A Sovereign, Creative Life. Everything else falls away if it doesn’t inform my peace.

[@lisayoung6639]

This has been saving my life 💕 Thank You

[@sarahvministry]

It's funny I've been spending years trying to work on boundaries and wondering why I still don't have peace. God recently showed me it's because they don't deserve my presence when they abuse me. And now you're confirming it!

[@pageremick5504]

GREAT information! No escalating situations, just grab the car keys and go to the library or a friends house... no matter the time of day or night. No argumentj..... just state what YOU will do... which is leave. FINALLY A CLEAR DESCRIPTION OF WHAT A BOUNDARY IS WITH A NARCISSIST! Thank you!!

[@denisehoffman2817]

Great take on boundaries!!

[@kathleenstoin671]

Very enlightening and helpful. Thank you.

[@Stephen_Nicholson]

It’s hard at first, but going complete no contact is the best thing you can do for yourself. Out of nothing, nothing can be made! It kills the Narcissist of all their deluded power. I’m actually still dealing with one myself. After months of not talking to me, they’ve started trying to send me links on Instagram, because a few months ago I ignored their messages after they chose to blank me for no reason, after what I thought things were going ok. I started to realise then that this isn’t normal, for them to come back trying to make me think I was the one with the problem, which of course I’m smart enough to know this was their tactic, what they wanted. Seriously not engaging is the best thing.

[@LAJiini]

I’ve been married to a mild narcissist for 40 yrs. He got it from his narcissistic mother. I have learned to deal with it exactly as you say. When it comes out I leave immediately before it gets under my skin. I also don’t take it personal anymore. I leave, he gets over it. Life goes as normal. Pleasant as I can make it. Has worked for me👍

[@foxyauragems6146]

Sounds VERY mild ..:

[@sharonkamp9272]

“I don’t like your boundaries.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Oh my, my last narc would say those things: “when you set a boundary I am not allowed to do something.” Well, duh, that’s the whole purpose of a boundary. Do I really need to teach you how boundaries work? Like he had a say in my boundaries. It took me a long time before I could let go my surprise in that. I just couldn’t believe him saying those things. But for him: it was completely natural to believe he was the sane one. Different brain

[@TheRoyalWe]

Yes very different brain

[@velvetpixiecake5310]

Ass backwards brain. It's toxicity normalized. However it's a matter of perspective, I suppose. We're all being conditioned through You Tube vids., our own family trauma experiences, trauma bonded relationships, Capitalistic toxic work environments etc. The world is losing its lying abilities, day by day, and we're all finally getting to see who's who and what's what, thanks to technology. 🙏 The facades and the masks are falling by the way side. Armour up!!!

[@regaininglife9084]

They think your boundaries and every decision in your life is negotiable.

[@JoyCoy65]

I have suffered from so many illnesses since my relationship with a narc. A long time ago, I used to be a healthy happy person. Right now I am going thru terrible stomach and intestinal pain. This happened right after putting up with his critical and toxic rage once again. I now know alot of my illnesses are not always my fault. Because of his bad habits, his days are numbered. Only then will I be able to live again 😅.

[@moniqaf]

Wow! Another well needed messqge! I quit my job today giving them a 2 day notice because of the things your're talking about. 💞🌹 thanks for making me feel good about my decision!

[@anbessashabazz3340]

Good job , Monica !

[@jamesgeist9535]

I learned that these boundaries will bring out the beast and quicken the discard. The victim believes they will find peace by appeasing and being perfect and not engaging with arguments. It brings out the demon. Please understand you have found peace and accept the narcissist without judgement and don't submit to total control and not being bad.

[@YoungEli9]

Saying NO to a narcissist is like attempted murder to them

[@janiced.hatcher1272]

1,000 thumbs up

[@pinktumbleweed123]

I'm so glad I found your channel. I thought I was losing my mind. I dnt know how it happened,but I'm surrounded by narcissists! They continually pick fights,turn things around on you,call you the crazy one! They draw out the ugly in you that you never even knew you had! It's so toxic! I feel like I've been ran over by a dump truck,than backed up over me. So exhausted Mentally,physically and emotionally! Thank you so much for this channel!!!❤❤🎉😂

[@rebeccamay6420]

They are so bent on dragging you into their drama, manipulating you into taking their side, or just plain disturbing your peace so they're not the only one living with incessant PTSD. When you keep your peace of mind and stop accepting their mind games, they get really irritated over losing their control of you that they will lose control of themselves and start raging. I have seen this. Learning about my own mental health and neuro-type has opened the door to insight. Understanding myself has helped me understand others. I can now see through the cracks in their eggshells, right down to the core insecurities that they try to hide behind a façade of arrogance and superiority. I have said, with all the enthusiasm of a Gray Rock, "If I am not playing your game, you don't get to win." Myself, I do not understand the competitive mindset that drives them. I don't actually want to be better than anyone, I just want to do the right thing and encourage others to also do the right thing, side by side.

[@michelepenning302]

Thank you so much!!❤I love this. I will, I will not.

[@redsugar723]

This is EXACTLY what will change you from co-dependent to independent. It's "I will.." and "I will not..", and that's it. It's so simple yet powerful. Trying to change or control the behavior of anyone else will NEVER work.

[@thelmita123]

Yes sir! Do NOT Show Up is the best way to have them SHUT OFF

[@puppyupper4565]

excellent, this good advice for all people, not just defense against narcissists. Most of us grow up with bad behavior. So, in dating, it is good to establish boundaries early on. And Yes, I will or will not.

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

Write the boundaries down AS WELL as the consequences that will follow if they cross your boundaries.

[@warewolf4760]

The worst type of narcissist is the one you can't escape from.

[@Rose-dl6xg]

Sooo true!!!

[@robindixon2090]

My heart is so broken for my sons (22 and 25). My narc ex-husband lured them in when I divorced him and they were teenagers. I never realized he was capable of this kind of evil. Zero con parenting. Money, no responsibilities, no accountability. Used them to get back at me. They fell into the trap. They are so wounded and actually still live with him. They are I’ll-equipped for life and financially dependent on him. I pray every day they will escape him, but don’t know when or how that will happen. It’s unbearable for me to live with as a mom. I still have a relationship with both my sons. But it’s limited. I set an example of healthy living and hope they will follow my example at some point. They have to go through their own battle to freedom.

[@DJRenee]

​@@robindixon2090they need therapy

[@Lady_V_C]

Yes! No one seems to understand when you are trapped and can't escape, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Put other toxic people in the mix that you also can't escape from, and it's constant survival mode. Most people can't wrap their heads around this level of abuse.

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

Narcs can’t live w you and definitely can’t live w out you … they need that emotional punching bag … aka. Blankly & pacifier 🤡

[@OriginalJohnDoeFakersBeware]

Wow. That was really good. I have found that narcissists who lack any real power in life to abuse instead prey upon family and friends. They are controlling, manipulative, abusive, aggressive, violent, and talkative. If you are not willing to listen to them rambling on endlessly and repetitively about nothing of importance, people, places, and things you have no connection with and can do nothing about, and things you have repeatedly given sound advice about that is ignored, they try to lay a guilt trip on you. These boundaries are very important. Let them crybaby all they want but do not give in. Leave to let them know the boundary is real and they will have to change for the better if the relationship is to resume. A few months without communication from you may do wonders for them but watch out for backsliding. You may have to take a number of vacations from the person for their transformation to complete. That is for long time friends and family members, but others not close to your heart, don't bother to give a second chance, it's not your burden, don't make it your burden.

[@ShiyghanNyuysiysi]

I have this narcissistic colleagues who lied against me and turn my boss against me.i find it hard to have my confidence back ar the work place i have panic attack,i can't express myself to my boss any longer because he keeps seeing and judging me from the narcissist opinion of me.he told my boss my goodness and hardwork waa fake,ut was to prove am better than others, whatever i do my boss find complains.... Its sickening but am getting over because are starting to find the true colors of this narcissistic colleague.

[@kdarley04]

Learning to trust you know best for you and have the power to not engage and walk away.

[@meshacaudle2551]

My boundary is DELETE them from my life

[@chuchiyang7031]

THANKYOU sir. I was going through hell in my head. I started noticing narcissistic behaviors with some siblings. I choose to distant my family. I thought I was in the wrongs for not loving my siblings….then you made me felt great about that decision. I also had a coworker who’s always a downer…. The more time goes by, i noticed…. This guy is not my friend and could careless about me and my family. I realized how he attempts to get me to talk down on the company…. Always talking to everyone and whispering. He would always be looking at what I’m doing, where I’m entering the building. Why I’m avoiding him…. And I always felt bad that I might be pre judging someone… but now I know. Today I didn’t give him the convo… he left work early…. He just looked uncomfortable when I walk by. He was avoiding eye contact… sheesh for years I went through the worst with these people. 😢 but THANKYOU sir! Thanks. I liked and subscribed. Thannkkkkkk you! I will not! 😅

[@ibbetsonjulie]

I can't believe I've had to put up with so much fighting in my life.

[@amuddymoose]

Same

[@freespirit21newyork]

OMG yes!! And it's a red flag when I have trouble setting boundaries. So I try to keep healthier people in my circle

[@DHW256]

Is "walking away" a last straw, instinctive way to set boundaries with the narcissist? From the age of seven I knew our mother had some serious issues. I confronted her about her problems and was her primary scapegoat among her children. At 46, I finally realized there was no healthy way for me to maintain our relationship, so I walked away, leaving it up to her. At the time I didn't know what a narcissist was, I just kept noticing the same stupid conflicts, envy, delusion, grandiosity, drunkenness, lies, manipulations, etc. Mom's response was to seek supply from her "friends" as the victim of my abandonment, projecting the shame of what she'd done -- all my life -- back onto me.

[@johannajorgensen6416]

This is absolutely the most comprehensive information I've ever heard about setting boundaries. I've wondered for years how precisely to do it. The was direct and succinct. Thanks again.

[@adammw1646]

Samehere

[@tedlogan4867]

In my experience Narc is a spectrum, so keeping and protecting your boundaries is something that you must constantly monitor and build. Some people will be less challenging of your boundaries, some more so, and some will view your boundaries as a direct threat to their existence. Drama, trauma, and chaos is their life-force, that is their currency and they NEED it. Remove it from them and their supply is gone, and they cannot harm you.

[@sunbeam9222]

Exactly 💯

[@Jessica-zf2df]

Best advice about setting boundaries I've heard yet. Now I understand the term 'setting boundaries for and with yourself'. Thank you.

[@jeankipper6954]

Long ago, with none of this most excellent information from you and others, 50 years ago, I somehow knew that participating in my extremely (what we now call) narcissistic family, core and extended, would be at the cost of my life. I went 2,000 miles away, and stayed there. It was so difficult. I was so young, so damaged. But I knew then that it was, they were, hopeless. I did not what to do. Only what NOT to do. This info helps. Thanks.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

This is such an important message. My boundaries are about what is and is not okay with me. My boundaries guide my decisions and make my life more simple and peaceful. My boundaries control my behavior, and no one else's. This is a concept that a narcissist cannot comprehend, and that really ticks them off. Too bad. They can kick rocks.

[@heathalee]

This is amazing advice Kevin! Ive struggled in this area and you just laid it out so simply and in a way that can be immediately implemented. I havent heard this from anyone else.

[@SD-mo4io]

100% I supervise a narcissist in the federal government and have struggled to find material that is more than "don't react and don't talk to them." That is NOT an option for me*. There just isn't an HR structure to deal with people like this. I have struggled to frame boundaries for this person (because how you do it for others doesn't work for them)--but now: I can take action. THANK YOU! [* I start my new job on 1 Oct... 3 more weeks to go and I already know there will be a fight tomorrow because I told them "no" last week]