Boyfriend Thinks I Have To Pay For EVERYTHING To Catch Up For When I Wasn't Paying r/Relationships

[@PinkMarshmallows]

In the update, it sounds like OP's family and friends have seen what a complete shitbag he was, but it seemed like their concerns were falling on deaf ears so they didn't say anything else until OP said she was ready to leave the relationship. Edit: Also, **THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GETTING "FINACALLY EVEN" IN A RELATIONSHIP**

[@tamsel814]

I think it is something given as advice when your friend/child/family member is an abuse relationship. Stay in contant, but take a step back if needed and wait for your friend/child/family member to realise that something is wrong. Then you can step in and help them get away. Because you keep on pushing a victim to leave before they are ready you run they (and their abuser) are likely to distance themselves

[@TsukiKageTora]

The last paragraph reminds me of the extreme cheapskates TLC show where the couple literally pays for everything they use. Literally marks down how many times they flush and the more flushing someone does the more of the water bill they pay. And it’s like getting what is even or something really weird. I would never be happy in the relationship

[@Cruz2917]

False. my wife took care of all the bills and my tuition when I was going to college and after graduated I paid for everything until I reached that number she had spent then figure it out our contributions based on income .......I would call that getting "financially even"

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@Cruz2917 maybe false for your case because you chose to give it back not her forcing you to when you financially cannot. And if you call that getting financially even paying the one you love back for paying for you, you are wrong. If I were you I’d say “paying her back cause she deserves it after all she did for me” rather than “getting financially even”. The former sounds like I’d want to pay her back because I love her rather than the latter that just sounds like it was all about me and paying her back for my own benefit rather than thinking about hers. ( And sounds like the extreme cheapskate couple I mentioned in my comment before yours, where there sounds like no love is there just a financial partnership. A financial obligation rather than a romantic and loved filled gesture

[@charlotteinnocent8752]

Good edit comment. She's probably already even but he'd never admit it. She needs OUT.

[@TheDarwinProject1]

Just the fact OPs bf smokes while she's asthmatic is enough to justify breaking up.

[@aconvowithcrissee222]

Omg I didn't even catch that! Disgusting !

[@KarlPHorse]

I remember when my mom had bronchitis and I was living at home. I would go out to my car to smoke and then showered once I came back in. Respiratory problems aren't a joke.

[@aconvowithcrissee222]

Some of these stories concern me so bad bc it'll be like " my significant other is abusing the hell out of me how should i proceed?" RUN THAT'S HOW U PROCEED!

[@Deedoof]

The misconception about abuse is that if they aren't hitting you it's not abuse. As a society we grew up being gaslit with so many things; "If they're mean they like you" If you aren't bleeding profusely and screaming you're "not really hurt, you're faking". Many of us dealt with rug-sweeping as kids, so it makes understanding abuse so difficult as adults. It's wonderful that OP has so much love and support to fall back on; that's what makes or breaks the cycle.

[@davidsantiagotate7380]

I’m so glad OP was able to get out of that relationship. My evil ex was also financially abusive and it sucks to pay to get treated poorly

[@jennilynne1977]

I'm betting he was also emotionally abusive as well and that's why she stayed with him as long as she did.

[@johnpauljones9310]

@@jennilynne1977 OP was a financial leech when they started. Her silly excuses of "I did what I could" are no different than her BF's current excuses not to pay for anything. She was happy to leech off of him, but is angry he's leeching off her. Interesting that she had inherent value when she was leeching, but her BF only had value when he was providing something to her. Now that he's a leech, he's "toxic" and "emotionally abusive" according to you all. LOL

[@T_P_W_ThachoZenjuan]

#Facts

[@SCP01986]

@@jennilynne1977 He was emotionally abusive, being aggressive and punching the walls near her.

[@jennilynne1977]

@@SCP01986 I completely understand that. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 23 years. My now husband was the one who helped me realize that I could do better and helped me gain the courage to leave. My daughter doesn't like him, but she's a grown up and I had to finally do what made me happy. One day she'll understand, but even though she's 24, she's still not old enough to really get it.

[@jennyspeicker4712]

It's really scary that she needed so much precaution to feel safe, but on the same note, how incredible is it that those resources are available and her support rallied around her with no question. A small note of hope in a sea of heartache

[@tailsimp]

Story 1 Goddamn that's textbook "abuser lures them in before showing how horrible they are" like OP said how good everything was until this started. It really was him being nice for 2 years before trapping her by moving in and now pushing the boundaries to see what all he can get away with. Fucking terrible. Glad they got out and I hope they stay safe.

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

It always strikes me as ignorant when I see comments under any abuse story say "why did she marry him if he's abusive, this is on her ". Abusers rarely advertise themselves as such early on. Abusive behaviour usually starts when the abuser thinks the other person is tied to them in some way, whether that's an emotional tie or a practical one. Often starts at marriage or the start of cohabitation. My ex did a bait and switch on me. Pretended to be somewhat normal and respectful for years, then we started living together and the mask slowly came off. I'm also not surprised about the age gap, she was a teen and he was an adult many years older than her. This is quite common in situations where the older party wants to take advantage.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm curious what trauma or childhood OP had. This relationship is clearly abusive. What made her think this was remotely okay?

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Probably financially abusive parent figure or some other close family members. The guilt tripping started when he was supporting her. That way when she had money he could drain it dry

[@technicaldifficulties368]

When women go from the overly controlling "normal" behavior of parenting teen girls to an abusive relationship it doesn't seem so weird.

[@jennilynne1977]

He was wonderful for the first few months. Then he slowly changed so she didn't notice it at first. Then he probably started telling her that she's not worth anything, or that she's fat, or something along those lines and basically made it seem normal. By the time she really started noticing red flags, she was too embarrassed to tell people how she was being treated. Emotional abuse can do that to you and until you get out of it, you normalize it and make excuses. Even once you are gone, you may still make excuses for some things. I was just like OP. I've been out of that relationship for 6 years and I'm in a good relationship, but I will still make excuses for my ex.

[@cutietae247]

Abuse happens slowly and when you love someone you can rationalize anything . It’s probably more a self esteem issue

[@Musiyca]

@@jennilynne1977 That, and he basically groomed her. She was 19, he's 7 years older. Even if she was from perfectly healthy family he just fed her sweet nothings and was the first to give her romantic attention and his age was firstly portaing him as so mature. Grooming at its finest.

[@raayvenwolfgirl5539]

I'm glad she got out, and isn't falling for the "love bombing" technique. Even if he's not doing it well, its good she isn't falling for it.

[@gelasiakidd8076]

This story gave me flashbacks to my narcissistic ex. Very familiar. I'm glad she was smart enough to run early enough. Kind of feels like wish fulfillment thru OP, she was the brave person I couldn't be.

[@jennilynne1977]

My daughter's father was emotionally and physically abusive (more emotional than physical), so I get OP. After I left him I never went anywhere by myself. My new boyfriend (now husband) was with me or one of his friends was with me at all times. My ex actually scared one of my husband's friends along with some coworkers (I had gone with the friend to do some work) because of how he (the ex) acted. I hope everyone is having a great day/evening/night! Peace, hugs and love to you all!

[@jbgra2566]

All I can think while listening to the story is "run, run, run"

[@niktropolis2104]

Are we just gonna gloss over the fact that OP’s bf turns on the shower so he can have a warm steamy poop

[@jennilynne1977]

This comment made me laugh. Thank you for that. OP's story was similar to mine. It took me a lot longer to get out though.

[@niktropolis2104]

@@jennilynne1977 I’m so sorry to hear that ❤️ I hope you’re doing much better now, and I’m glad you were able to get out of that situation. Glad I could make you laugh :)

[@mellttabor2134]

So glad to hear you were able to escape this abusive relationship. It’s scary to hear how much you accepted before you finally ran. What’s really a SCARY thought now is how hard a time his next victim will have getting away from this guy. He’s in his 30’s and learning to look for the girl who will take his abuse and what signs to block her when she ready to get away. BEWARE WOMEN! HES GOING TO BE LOOKING…..

[@haraldjensen3935]

The 1st story, haven't even heard it all, and there is only 1 answer the way I see it, RUN OP RUN!!

[@astronautviolet153]

Story :1 I really do hope Op leaves him he's manipulative, controlling abusive. If she marries him, or have children with him, she'll be tied for that man forever.

[@jameslove8507]

You should comment after watching the entire story

[@impagain]

Things I learned when I was in an abusive relationship: if you have to Google if you're in an abusive relationship, that's your first sign to get out. Don't keep googling it over and over across several months to remind yourself like I did. Just get out.

[@christinasutton9698]

My ex was growing abusive in our relationship where he had been yelling, throwing, and breaking things when he was angry. I remember the first time he showed that side of him I had cried and he turned on the water works and said it would never happen again. Yet it got worst

[@ILovePickleface]

I just have to say - I subscribe to almost all of them and this is far and away the BEST Reddit KZbin channel out there. All the updates - comments from the posts and insight from an intelligent and well spoken narrator. I LOVE it!!! This is just a comment to say THANK YOU MARK!!! You have helped me make dinner/paint/sculpt or clean many a day 🥰🥰🥰 (Also - just to add - I’m an audiobook narrator by profession and I absolutely adore your reading style 😍 Any time you want to do audiobooks - I would love to work with you!!!)

[@GrayTimber]

"We started dating when I was 19 and he was 26." All I needed to know, he's the shithead I'm 27, the thought of dating anyone around that age makes me feel nasty all over. We see this time and time again, age gap relationships where the younger person was a teenage girl and the guy was late 20s and up almost always ends in abuse. Why else would someone that much older seek a relationship with someone with such limited life experience??

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Age gap doesn’t mean a thing

[@Musiyca]

@@Batman-lg2zj When one of the party is a teen - it means everything.

[@jennilynne1977]

Because someone that much younger is easier to manipulate. She didn't know what it was like to be in a relationship and he was able to make it seem like how he treated her was normal. I was OP. There was a 6 year age difference between me and my ex we started dating when I was 18. He already had a 4 year old daughter when we got together. I ended up pregnant after 2 years of dating. I didn't get up the courage to leave until our daughter was grown up. I'm in a healthier relationship now, but I was in an abusive one for 23 years.

[@queencatherineofaragon938]

@@Batman-lg2zj my stance is if both parties are 30 and above have as much as an age gap as you want. But below that, ESPECIALLY teens is a huge no. If both are at least 30 they’ve hide time to mature and build their own financial independence

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

@@Batman-lg2zj we found the predator

[@littleolmee]

I will never understand why so many relationships end & instead of just ignoring the other person & getting on with your life one of the ex-partners will act a fool. Stalking, harassing, and even getting other people involved to bother the ex. I will never understand why people do this.

[@JordanDragonAs]

Abusers need someone to take advantage of so it's a psychological issue. Most others are just chasing a thimble.

[@arisenpai4720]

God I was almost in a similar situation as op. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years which thankfully was long distance. When I hit 18, it was almost like the realization of what my life could become smacked me in the face and I dipped from that bs. It does get better though, sure you’ll be wary for a while but then it just gets easier and you can eventually get back to how life was beforehand

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

so sorry

[@PrincessLioness]

Are you sayin that you were with that person since age 13?

[@arisenpai4720]

@@PrincessLioness unfortunately yes :(. I was groomed

[@arisenpai4720]

@@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259 I appreciate it, my dude. I’m slowly healing day by day :)

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

@@arisenpai4720 of course. I care, I know it isn't a speedy recovery but I still wish for you to have that and the best life possible

[@jennywhite2462]

It's a good thing OP posted. I wonder how many could of been saved by simply asking for strangers opinions online. Sometimes it's easier to hear these things from people who have no vested interest and are totally non biased.

[@kolonarulez5222]

7:13 lol I was starting to wonder if there would EVER be a straw that broke the camel's back

[@rylashadow18]

The only thing I would add on is dash camera's for her car. That extra insurance is a nice way to ensure if she feels like she's being followed by car (Happened to me once while on foot) she has more documentation for her case. A RO would do wonders too. As long as she hands all the evidence (Text messages, recorded voice mails and emails) over to a judge. This'll ensure she has evidence to hand over to anyone she's working for/ with in case he finds out she moved. She can also (Once moved) have her address as unlisted or just use a PO box that way she's at least in a public place.

[@maxinemyers9215]

Love your video’s Mark and the compassion you show, thank you 💐

[@hannahbobanna9650]

She doesn't seem to realize that breaking up is an option

[@Icalasari]

Abusive relationships often contain an element of manipulation to keep the person compliant. So yeah, she may literally have been incapable of seeing that breaking up was an option until it got to the point of dangerous to do so without a plan in place

[@jeanproctor3663]

I'm so glad she was able to get away from her now ex. What a horrible man!

[@ray30k]

Always nice to see (the beginnings of) a happy ending.

[@Lillypop93]

My mom was a huge inside smoker growing up. When I got older I got with a guy who wiped his walls down once a week to make his home smell good. I started doing the same to my mom's house when I went over. If he's smoking a lil cleaner, sprayed on the walls, will leak and bead and it will be obvious.

[@lisakaz35]

Story 1: it's a power trip. OP gotta leave. YESTERDAY.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark, stay safe please. Peace.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Saying stuff is easy, actually moving forward is hard. Reddit gave her the validation she needed to take the next step and put herself first. Remember the boyfriend is 30 years old while she is in her twenties. That's incredibly predatory behavior, and she put her foot down without putting herself in danger. She was so well organized and thought of all the angles of what could go wrong. This right here is why women are obsessed with true crime documentaries. To know how to protect yourself and understand your attacker's behavior to anticipate their next move

[@Passions5555]

I hate when women get dumped on for liking true crime shows.

[@ineedhoez]

Omg!!!! Omg! Omg! Omg! Omg! Omg! Omg! Omg! Omg! Omg! We women have to get our self worth up!!!! God damn.

[@ellamitchell1270]

I am so proud of OP for leaving this abusive relationship - wishing you great success for your future.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

OP shouldn't feel bad about being in an abusive relationship. Abusers baby-step their way to full-on abuse. By that time the abused partner has little to no self-esteem. What she should be proud of is she nipped this before she made the mistake of marrying him. Thank goodness for Reddit! People outside the situation were able to clearly see the danger she was in and tell her to RUN! And she listened! I'm so glad she's out of it.

[@jennilynne1977]

Sometimes you need to hear that you are in a bad situation from strangers in order to get a kick in the butt to do what needs to be done.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

At carowinds with my bf its gonna be fun but jeez it's cold

[@carolroberts4614]

I don't know what Carowinds is, but I hope you had a good time, an d were wrapped up warm!( I'm a grandma,I have to say that!)

[@joeschmo622]

Any "damages" that are assessed against The Opie, should be gone after in court. No need to put a real physical address, maybe a former work address, and just recoup from the damages he clearly was responsible for.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

The warm steam from the shower while pooping made me laugh incredulously. What an absurd man. Even if you are sharing expenses, this is wasteful.

[@emnorfolk5559]

Blocking someone is great, in theory... In practice, however, it means you can no longer answer to unknown or withheld numbers! There is always a friend who will plan the blocked person a phone, there's also the chance of a burner phone. Changing your number is easier and safer!

[@lunanight2151]

My go to advice as of right now is to look at as if it was someone you care about and not yourself. Then to ask them what they would advice that person to do. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't it depends on if the person is receptive of the advice and how well you know the person. If they start saying they don't deserve to be happy, shut that down quickly and explain why they do deserve happiness or explain how you wouldn't even wish their situation on someone they know you despise. Again sometimes this works sometimes it doesn't. I don't suggest trying to advice them to leave but helping them understand what they are going through is step one and offering to be there for what ever they need is step 2.

[@LadyQuotes]

I always say, there's a big difference between simple and easy. Just because the answer is obvious & simple doesn't mean it's easy to implement.

[@brie1162]

I’m new to your channel and I love the stories with updates! I LOVE updates, I need closure from some of these. Would you consider doing a recording where every story had an up date?

[@teamthoth]

First story......run lady! Run far and fast!

[@moonlightwolf]

I had an abusive friend turned stalker in high school, and it has forever changed how I live my life. My social media is locked down, if I even have it, and I never go anywhere alone. I have no pictures of me online, and remove any tags on social media as soon as I see them. I get angry and sad sometimes that one crazy person has done this to me and caused me to change my life so much just because they were going through their own troubles in life

[@freecountry3544]

The relationship is over with the syrup on the bench

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 GTFO. You were a teen. A nearly 30 yr old man shouldn't have been grooming you anyway. Now that you're in a better financial situation, get someone on your level. I'm all for adults in similar life places with age gaps. But until both people are in their 30s and up, it's rarely equal.

[@lindalehr1551]

This is very true! There is a huge difference between a thirty something and a teen and a thirty something and forty something.

[@TylerDokkan]

That's not grooming. It's an age gape but 19 and 26 isn't grooming.

[@TylerDokkan]

@@lindalehr1551 He wasn't near his forties. At the time he would be 25/26

[@lindalehr1551]

@@TylerDokkan Not what I said. Reread my comment.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@TylerDokkan Hard disagree. Now sure how you could have heard the story and say it wasn't grooming. He has groomed OP to accept this completely unfair and abusive relationship

[@oneproudpeacock6901]

OP should listen to 'Ain't Shit' by Doja Cat. This is suits accurately well for this situation.

[@ladynoir8243]

She is not being kind, she isnbeing nice. Nice people get taken advantage of. I used to be kicked OP and I wish I could just give her a hug right now.

[@victoriawebster8467]

Get rid of this man child. He will never do right by you. He is not the kind of person who will be a man as he's using you for everything. Run as fast as you can and as far away as you can get.

[@MsArtistwannabe]

Oh honey, your guy is abusing you and using you. He doesn’t like you. He doesn’t love you or care about you. Flat out disrespecting you. Dump him asap. Forget when you were first dating . That is total bs. He’s a leach .

[@Lady.B0420]

Boy bye.

[@hilaryc3203]

Bizarre tenancy laws where OP lives. I'm in British Columbia and if her name was the only name on the lease and not his, she could have had him removed that very day. The tenancy laws here don't cover someone living in a rental when they share kitchen and bathroom space. This is great, because in an abusive situation, it's safer to get that person out immediately. Also the penalty bit..that was weird. The same goes if she had owned her home and the bf was living there - he wouldn't have been able to claim as a renter of her home. Shared kitchen and bathroom? They're out.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. @3:08 I'm saying to myself, "Oh hell no, that guy has to go!" He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a mommy. I wouldn't put up with any of that nonsense for a moment.

[@brendahere]

1. Nope. You had a dorm. At any time you could go home. Nope, he is abusive. Actually I think he is making a hobby in seeing how far he can push you.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm getting ready to head to the gym. In my Jasmine tank. It's a Disney kindve day.

[@hilliardgirl6147]

she should consider asking her insurance or non profits/ financial helpers about covering the therapy she needs. many groups help abuse victims. they might even offer free treatment or group therapy.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

Jfc.. listening to the update where OP is just bored on the phone while he tries to manipulate her in various ways and then gets mad when he realizes she no longer cares.. made me realize I'm in the same situation. But I don't have anyone else I can turn to. I don't have any other family or friends. I feel so alone.. 😔

[@Snowshowslow]

Man, that sucks :( Are you okay? Do you have a job where you can talk to some coworkers, or are there neighbors you could be friendly with, maybe a nice librarian or local coffee shop owner? Do you get out of the house? If there's no one you can think of, and you can't start to cultivate more relationships, maybe it's time to (covertly) look at the official route of shelters etc.? Either way, it sounds like a tough situation... I hope you'll find what you need to break free soon.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

@@Snowshowslow I don't have a job, I recently moved out, but being disabled and not knowing literally anyone else.. I rely on him in a lot of ways. I really don't have anyone else, there are days I don't see another human being

[@Snowshowslow]

@@ACAB.forcutie Oof, that's rough. Are there disability support groups or organisations anywhere near? Or women's circle type things? Even a library can sometimes be a good place to find support and resources (and one that doesn't seem suspicious). It sounds like an uphill struggle, for sure... When you say you moved out - out of his place? Or out of your parents'? Are there people from your past (high school perhaps?) that you used to be close to at some time?

[@ACAB.forcutie]

@@Snowshowslow there are, but there's only so much they can do. I was on meetup trying to find some new people but I stopped because of the next point.. I did mean out of his place. My mom was abusive and had conservatorship of me, I ended up going to abusive programs, throughout all of it I was told I could never return home, I only recently realized I had internalized this message. They never gave me a reason, only forbade it. So I've been looking into going back to where I grew up. A bit of a problem is I didn't really have a lot of good friends growing up either. My oldest friend refused to come to my wedding even though I offered to pay for everything, they just didn't wanna be there. My "best" friend left early to go spend time with her new step dad's relatives she'd never met before. My MOH I found on Craigslist and my other bridesmaid was a girl who bullied me in high school. This man is the only person who's ever stood by me even a little bit. We've been separated for years, but I was still living with him and I refer to him as my best friend. About a month before I moved out, he choked me.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

@@Snowshowslow so right, sorry I'm kinda all over the place, my mom had me on a medication that kept me foggy and I just got off it and memories are coming back n shit.. it's hard to figure out how to think on a dusty brain lol I stopped looking up meetup groups cuz I was wanting to move back home, but there are so many things I rely on him for. He takes me to doctors appointments and grocery shopping, I can't drive. And due to my disability, I can't really walk or take public transit either. My bills would skyrocket paying for lyfts and instacart deliveries

[@buildtherobots]

Girl, why not take out the trash? And once you get him out Tell him not to come back again -TMBG

[@cheskydivision]

Op should have had landlord check the apartment when op left. New damages would be bfs responsibility.. save every text and voicemail.

[@alexandermccalla5098]

“I managed to block his number so I don’t think I have to change my number.” That’s not how that works. He can just use another phone or sign you up for spam

[@shebakoby]

the problem with abuse is that it's often like a frog in a pot. If you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out reflexively. If you put the frog in cold water and slowly turn up the heat, it won't jump out.

[@jennilynne1977]

That's honestly a great way to explain it.

[@LisaApril]

Stroy one: she should look on her lease to see if it has a domestic violence clause. Most apartments in the US now have a clause that says if you are a sufferer Of domestic violence they will let you break your lease. She should go to them and tell them her boyfriend is financially abusing her and she hast to leave. They will let her break her lease and she can get out of there. This is a no good man who does not want to provide for his lady, or himself. Can you imagine him providing for a family? No.

[@philwill0123]

Problem is she hasn't reported it. Hell, she didn't bother tell her mother the full extent.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one…..why on earth would OP stay with this person? Ridiculous

[@hothotheat3000]

People are so desperate to not die alone that they Will tolerate ANYTHING. Come on, OP.

[@mindyschocolate]

Right? Thank god I’m comfortable being alone. I’d rather be alone than live like this woman.

[@LisaTizzard]

I've been in a similar situation except he was physically abusive and I was married to the jerk. The switch flipped right after we got married. It was hard to get away from

[@Passions5555]

A friend of my older sister was in a situation similar to yours. Guy changed after marriage like a real life Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde thing. But everyone kind of victim blamed her because several people disdainfully asked her why she did not see any signs before getting married? Legit, she did not see anything because he was that good at hiding it. She stuck around in that marriage for 5 years because everyone made her feel stupid and ashamed.

[@LisaTizzard]

@@Passions5555 I went through the same thing. The funny thing is I can look back and see the exact moment he was letting the mask slip which was the night before our wedding (which was super low key where family got together to make all the food and stuff). What's even sadder is when I was about to walk down the aisle with my dad, the hallway set up was walking out of the "bridal suite" if I walked left it was down the aisle but if I walked to the right.... There was the door. I was literally standing there looking left, right, left, right. My aunt who was bartending walked up to me puy her fist up and said " don't even think about it, we all worked too hard putting this together" so guilt is what made me go through with it. Which is funny because that same aunt worked in the bank which I had to go to a couple days after I got him arrested for hitting me and ripping my hair out because after I got away I realized he had stolen my debit card and taken all my money so I had to close that account and get a new card. With bruises on my face and arms, crying when she walked off to grab my new card I see the asshole walk in the bank... I had a panic attack, told her and she went and got the cop on duty to stand next to me so she could get him out since I had a restraining order issued with his arrest. The idiot actually showed up to turn in my card that he stole.... Let's just say it didn't go well.

[@thesecretshade]

Unfortunately I have to stand in the same line with you. He was all nice and sweet until the day we married. Less than one hour later of saying yes, he called me a bitch in front of witnesses. We were still near the courthouse. I was shocked.

[@Passions5555]

@@LisaTizzard your aunt needed to down one of her own drinks and stay the fuck out of your business. Marriage to some one is way more work than whatever effort she or your family put into preparing the wedding.

[@LisaTizzard]

@@Passions5555 yeah trust me i know...

[@RobertCampsall]

#1: Awesome! A career mooch! In what Universe would OP be responsible for ANY of the living expenses before they moved in together - that is, while she had her own place but spent a lot of time at BF. He's a 30 year old bum quite happily exploiting a much younger GF who - for some unfathomable reason - seems to think BF actually is worth OP's time. These poster's need to go back and read over what they've written because they so often don't seem to grasp the absolute piece of garbage they've saddled themselves with which is so obvious I sometimes want to scream.

[@mogulmade]

Story 1: GIRLLLLL... At this point how can you type ALL this out and stay with this man. What can Reddit do for you? You don't know what to do? GROW A DAMN SPINE.

[@raayvenwolfgirl5539]

When you're used to abuse, a spine can seem an impossible thing to get.

[@videofan1010]

She was 19 and he was in his late 20's when they got together. This is probably her first major relationship. I think a little understanding makes sense on this one...

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Saying stuff is easy, actually moving forward is hard. Reddit gave her the validation she needed to take the next step and put herself first. Remember the boyfriend is 30 years old while she is in her twenties. That's incredibly predatory behavior, and she put her foot down without putting herself in danger. She was so well organized and thought of all the angles of what could go wrong. This right here is why women are obsessed with true crime documentaries. To know how to protect yourself and understand your attacker's behavior to better understand their next move

[@mindyschocolate]

Exactly. How does she write this out and still need a bunch of strangers to give her approval? What exactly are his redeeming qualities here?

[@BruinPhD2009]

I agree with you. Sometimes I wonder if an OP actually read what they wrote before they post. This is yet another story where I wish I could reach through my computer screen and shake some common sense into a person.

[@DuckTapeWarrior1]

I initially thought that op had been pregnant and unable to work. She was 19 and in college when they met, dear lord this is even worse. If they ever did have kids he absolutely would do the same thing again.

[@princesssunshine874]

dude, I'd move. At this point he is bringing nothing to the table.

[@claytonmorgan1843]

I remember I met this woman at a college I was going to. There was this guy that just wouldn't leave her alone. Well long story short I put a stop to that nonsense outright quick. That dude didn't wanna die and I always hanging with this woman so needless to we never saw him again. So here's a message to all y'all would be stalkers and abusers. There's always someone like me who really wants hurt someone like you. So if a lady tells you to leave her alone do as she says. Because if you don't someone like me will put you in the hospital, or in the ground.

[@beckyhartley9502]

Story 1: I get the feeling OP also down played everything he did for her at the start of the relationship because she really laid it on thick about what how great she is and how horrible he is. She was only concerned when she was able to pay but glossed over when he was footing her bills when she wasn't. Her issue with the job changes only mattered because of the money he was making but her working part time was fine? What he paid when she wasn't financial stable was only mentioned when he brought it up. Both people are childish af and probably should mature a bit before even being in a relationship. She didn't owe him anything however she did seem to want a one sided relationship. Edit: Oof that dudes actions after the break up is another thing all together.

[@drumsalive]

He’s a horrible horrible person! Do not get married to him! Run! Just run! Please

[@jeancarbonneau6966]

In this story, I'm glad that OP left her boyfriend. He probably was all charming and nice in the beginning of the relationship but he showed his true colors when OP started her jobs. The fact that he wouldn't keep a job for more than 7 months is a red flag right there. Then there's the fact that he forced OP to pay for everything. That's another red flag. To add more, he wasn't cleaning up after himself or helping out with chores in the apartment. That's a third red flag. I'm online dating a girl right now. I'm 26 years older than her. If she was living with me right now, I would be paying the rent of my apartment and my food. She would buy her groceries that she likes. I don't work because I'm on disability benefits. So my money that comes in my account would cover my rent and phone bill and credit card bill. If we were to go out on a date, I would make sure that I have enough money for this and I would do it when I have money. If she wants to go out and she can afford it but I can't, I would be the cheapest date she has. I wouldn't be ordering food and drinks that are really expensive like the boyfriend did in this story. I wouldn't be taking advantage of my girlfriend like what happened to OP. Especially if I love this woman with all my heart, I would make it as even as possible between us. The boyfriend also sounded like someone who is mgtow or is the most entitled idiot who thinks he can do no wrong. I could be wrong with my diagnosis of the boyfriend.

[@leaflet1686]

Story 1: RUN and you want to merry that?

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Issue starts with a 26 year old man dating a teenager

[@ELITE-xn3sh]

What about the teenager choosing him? If it was a woman going for a teenager? You should talk abt age gap fam , not generalize this much

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@ELITE-xn3sh yeah, no. No sane teenager pursues a mid 20s man without their being love bombing

[@tiredbylife.5589]

"We met when I was 19"...she is 23 and he is 30 now. So this alone is a red flag. Then, it becomes worse as it goes on.

[@thesecretshade]

So she was 19 and he was 26 when they got together and she didn't live with him at all and wasn't even in his apartment most of the time because school. So why the hell did she feel obligated to have to pay for groceries and bills? That makes no sense. He already took advantage of her at that time and then really tried to guilt trip her into giving more. The whole relationship sounds abusive.

[@MizzShortai]

I wonder how long he was planning on abusing her if she hadn't stood up for herself because my guess Would have been for however long he could get away with. I also bet money she's probably spent double on him than what he paid for her in college.

[@gladygalvan8069]

The word wedding should not be anywhere near this relationship 😊

[@MacBailey]

Just search "How do Narcissist control their victims". Hard to believe from the outside that someone would allow another person to have that kind of control over them, but just look at all of the cults people get caught up in. Glad she was able to eventually get out.

[@nightcorelucario2218]

Met when you were 19 and have a 7 year age gap. Off to a great start, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[@nareegreel]

I know it's hard to find a good partner now-a-days but not this bad. Like why put yourself through this OP????

[@randallcosta74]

Story 1: OP dump yhat abusive jerk! He's keeping you flat busted broke financially so you have n9 money to leave him. He. Is.Using. & Abusing You! RUN! As far and as fast as you can to get the hell away from that losy jerk! Op you deserve so much better that that jerk.

[@mindyschocolate]

S1: why are you still with him? He sucks. Leave him. He’ll have to stay employed and pay rent then, lol.

[@impishrebel5969]

The fact he'd mess up just for her to clean up is the only defining feature I need to know this is abuse. However I can't get over the fact she thinks 64f and 74f is respectively "freezing" and "inferno". Both temps are 100% in the range of "comfortable". Those are perfectly reasonable temps actually. Of all the things he was pulling, she mentions the perfectly reasonable temperatures 🤣

[@deciduous_99]

I don’t understand why OP in the first story even stays with him. What does she get out of the relationship except frustration and resentment. Boot his *ss to the curb sweetie.

[@veronica5lmaa]

OMG, OP the problem isn't taking the trash out, it is staying in this relationship with a deadbeat boyfriend. Also, the man is uncomfortably older than her and still acts like a teenager? Hell no. OP, run while you are childless and young.

[@candiebarr6745]

So maybe she clues in with updates, but I doubt the relationship was as good before the money thing as the OP thinks. Most people don't just jump straight into abuse like this. They usually start with small things to see how far they can go before getting pushback.

[@semperinfidel2115]

OP, you poor baby. 💔 Brainwashed...

[@semperinfidel2115]

Armed and dangerous, girl. 🦹

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

Story #1: Enablement isn't taking out the trash when it's disgusting. It's letting this piece of hot dumpster fire mooch off of you for this long.

[@swiftninja91]

This seems like pointless point scoring to me. I'm single but I was under the impression that being in a relationship was about sharing responsibility and a lot of give and take. Relationships take work from both parties. This dude is a leech. Dump his ass

[@yobabycolin2933]

Good thing OP realized he was bad even by "red flag" standards.

[@gailboyd3585]

3 months expenses on you is enough financial break for "partner". Ongoing non respect for your asthma shows he doesn't care. $$ he has is His $$ not yours for living expenses. He has tagged you his fool. Ghost him for your life. Relation with him only gets worse.

[@browniewin4121]

OP can not afford this selfish, childish, lazy, manipulative, gaslighting boyfriend, time to kick him to the curb. Stop enabling him and do yourself a favor and live on your own for a while, then do better next time in choice of partner. Good grief, YTA for not dumping this AH as of long since. Get rid of him and then get a good therapist to help you figure out why you would accept abusive degrading treatment for so long and to help you to not repeat this. After update: So glad OP is planning an escape. Good for her. After next update: Glad OP is doing what needs to be done to start a new life minus terrible boyfriend, and happy she has friends and family to help her get away quickly. Good idea to change her number. Congrats to OP for making this important step. I hope she keeps all abusive messages from him and will file for a restraining order, meanwhile it is good she is taking precautions for her safety.

[@paulastephenson1862]

First story: your BF is passive aggressive and has no respect for you. Dump him!!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@dream6562]

You don't know me, stop lying

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@dream6562 doesn't mean I can't give you love

[@jennilynne1977]

Right back at you Broken! I hope you are having a great day/evening/night! Peace, hugs and love to you!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@jennilynne1977 thanks and to you too much love m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@nonyabiznez38]

Op needs to break up. She’s already paying everything by herself. She’d probably be much better off. He does not even love her and is abusive. I mean the frickin gaslighting about the bathroom wall is insane!!!

[@sherrygibbs7547]

We just got my handicapped sister into an affordable and supportive apartment, yesterday....away from her verbally/emotionally/financially abusive roommate, who smoked worse than a chimney. (They are both somewhat low functioning & my sisters health is getting worse). Everything she owns is yellowed & smells of smoke. The walls in the old apartment are brown with tar. The roommate will not come to help us clean the old apartment (he did clean the stove & fridge). The man does not have the self-awareness, to feel guilty about the disgusting mess he created & left behind. He has horrible credit & cannot afford/find good accomadations; thinks he can smoke inside, wherever he pays rent; he is racist & broke the lease on his new place (2 weeks in) because of it; he blows all his $$ on god-knows-what & then asks people for loans. Then, he blames my sister, for putting him into the situation HE is in, now. And, my sis is still trying to help him out. I nearly skipped the first story, but finished listening to it, expecting to hear that the SO was also cheating on OP. It is so good to hear that OP got out of that situation. May her life be filled with health, peace, prosperity and real/true caring love.

[@fcold9402]

1. Why are you still living with him? Just leave and leave him behind.

[@stephaniesomer5934]

Nope. That’s not how it works. 🤗❤️🇺🇸